Yoshitaka Amano woke up.  He was very young.  He
hopped out of his futon, and ran to the kitchen to get
a yummy Japanese breakfast of bad smelling fish and
some rice.  His mother, father, 4 siblings,
grandmother and grandfather had all gone off to work
at the Sony radio company, putting together small,
badly made transistor radios in mass quantity.  Every
morning they left, and came back late at night, weary
from the assembly line.

     Young Amano was sipping at his miso soup when a
strange gaijin man popped up out of nowhere.  Amano
had never seen a gaijin. This one was skinny, with
black hair, and dressed all in black clothes.  He
stared at the gaijin.  The gaijin stared back at him.

      "Fish for breakfast?"  The gaijin made a strange
face, and pointed at his plate.  "Evil! Eeevil!" 
Manservant Hecubus was truly impressed by the evil sat
on the boy's plate.  Yet surely this was the one who
Master Shaft had directed him to kill.  Yet surely one
who ate such a morning meal was more evil than Hecubus
himself, (which was pretty darned evil).  Surely his
talents could be used by the side of eternal darkness
and funk,
 
    Yoshitaka Amano looked up at the strange man who
had invaded his family home.  "You insult the
traditional meal of my exalted family?" Amano asked,
not caring that he didn't actually speak english.  He
ran to the mantle, and grasping his father's ancestral
sword, containing all the great Amano ancestors.  The
sword groaned menacingly.
 
    An ancient and distinguished voice emanated from
the blade.  "Hey, sonny, put us down wouldya... our
arthritis is acting up again."  Amano frowned harshly.
 Why did his family have to have such a sucky
ancestral sword?  It didn't even grant a +2 chi bonus.
 
    The voice drafted out once again, like a musty
breeze from a basement, if basements suddenly began to
generate wind spontaneously.  "Why you young
whippersnapper," the sword's now irate voice began. 
"Why, in my day, we didn't even have honored family
swords that were passed down from generation to
generation.  We had to make do with an ancestral fork,
and be happy with that!"  Amano sighed, sliding the
blade back into the scabbard.  Surely it would be
better to just clobber the strange man with a table.
 
    Unfortunatly for him, Hecubus had reached the same
conclusion.  The black clad servant of funk and EVIL!
(*handjive*), had done just so, and now lay on the
ground, stunned.  Amano, puzzled at what had happened,
reread the lame attempt at a joke, and was stunned
into unconciousness.

Castlevania 1970: Disco of Evil

Chapter 3: Burn Fourth Wall Burn! (Disco Infernal)

This Chapter By: Assassin, and his wind ninja typing
s-killz

The Whole Crazy Concept Created By: Gaijin Dan
Mastriani

     Brother Drac towered in the doorway of his new
club, the Disco Infernal.  Inside, the funky music
played loud, and people spent the night dancing away. 
In the center, illuminated from all sides, the dark
priest Shaft threw his hips forward, and pointed to
the sky.  He was not crowded in, as the other dancers
left him a wide space, to jive with his groove.

     Death, on the other hand, or skeletal claw in
this case, didn't have a whole lotta groovin going on.
 His original plan to have Shaft choose between cake
or DEATH! had failed when the dough he was kneading
for the cake began to work itself between his finger
joints.  He brooded in the corner, although it was
hard to brood when the disco ball gave the disco
multicolored illumination, destroying all dark shadowy
corners in which one might brood, or breed for that
case.  But Death was only concerned about the former,
as his one attempt at breeding had produced his small,
skeletal son, the Death of Runts.  His son, who was
the bane of all circus midgets, but only the
acid-induced kinda-spooky kinda-funny
like-you-know-,-that-kinda-thing-man-hey-pass-the-bong
vision to all others.

     Death had a new plan now.  Instead of killing
Shaft outright, he would let him live, but slowly kill
off disco.  In the end, Shaft would be left with only
his gold chains, faint memories, a video game he only
appears in once, and enough damage from snorting that
he wouldn't have to get a nose piercing when the 90s
rolled around.  He laughed to himself in that spooky
way that sounded much better in the original Japanese
recording of this chapter, before they redubbed it in
English.

******************

     Alucard and Bob Belmont stood in front of Denver,
city of intrigue, city of murder, city of large
manufacturing industries.  Out of nowhere, a small
yellow car screetched to a halt in front of them, and
a small man dressed in an odd yellow uniform got out.

     "Telegram for Mr Al Lou Card?" he said.  Alucard,
too cool to care, merely nodded, letting a lock of
hair slip down into his face.  With one glove covered
hand, he gently brushed it back.  Female fans sighed
dreamily.

   Alucard threw the envelope up in the air, and
slashed at it with a sword.  Seven distinct flashes
appeared at once, and the envelope was cut into a
dozen paper dolls.  Male fans oohed respectfully.  A
large window with a scrollbar opened up in the middle
of the air.
                        
	Dear young master,

	Your father has sent his dark minions to do evil work.  
	A man	has been sent to kill Yoshitaka Amano.  You must 
	stop him now now, or we shall all meet the bitterest end.

	The Librarian

	(scroll scroll scroll)

	PS: The telegram service and use of spy satellite for 
	    immediate warning will cost you 1,000,000.95.  I 
	    have sent a bill.

	"The bitterest end?" asked Bob.  Alucard hit the
close button, making the window fade away.
	
	"My father's mind has been warped by the influence
of the Dark Priest Shaft..."
	
	"Shut yo' mouth!" exclaimed Bob.  Alucard
developed a millimeter crease in his forehead, and
resisted the unbishonen urge to sweatdrop.

      "...my father believes that by killing Yoshitaka
Amano, he will elimate all traces of being girlish
from himself, as well as I.  Therefore he would
destroy all advantages I have to charm women who I
must act cool towards, and remove the gothnicity that
I must have in order to keep video game buyers
impressed by my antihero status.  However, if he
destroys Yoshitaka Amano in his youth, then all
portraits beyond 'Castlevania III' of and him will
cease to exist.  We will both cease to remain in our
current forms and become..... pixellated."

	"Well then," said Bob, "I guess we should go
stop him or something, right?"

	"Yes," said Alucard, "but first there is
something I must do."

**********************

     Bob and Alucard arrived in front of a large
mansion, with giant gates, and a large garden.  Taking
a sword, Alucard cut the gates in two, and calmly
stepped over them.  They traversed through the garden,
and stopped in front of the large double doors. 
Alucard took the knocker, and swung it down hard,
causing small '1's  to drift up and dissapear from the
doors.  A moment later, a man dressed in a formal
tuxedo answered.

	"Yes?"  the man said in a well cultured voice.

     "Mr Rockwell?"  Alucard asked.  The man nodded
toward him.  "I believe that in the year 1650, I
loaned your one of your family the sum of what would
amount to be 30 of your American dollars.  I had
warned him of that the small interest rate would build
up over the years, but yet he still agreed.  I have
returned to collect, and I have calculated the current
interest.  The sum of money you currently owe me
should be this much."  Alucard held up a printout.  At
the start of the sum was a 1.  A few pages slipped out
of Alucard's grasp.  All were covered by the number 0.
 
    The small man looked at it for a while.  "Well is
that all chap?  I think we raked in about that amount
in stock and bonds, oh... during breakfast.  Come on
in and have some tea."

**************************

	After settling their business, Bob and Alucard
left.  They found a conveniently placed scroll of
teleportation outside, with a small invoice attatched.
Alucard picked it up, and read it immediatly.  A
bright beam of light came down from the sky, and
beamed them away.  When Bob could open his eyes again,
he found himself in Japan.

	"So, great," he said.  "Now how do we find this
Yoshitaka Amano guy?"

     "Simple," replied Alucard.  "We enter each house
we find, and eventually we shall locate the boy."
 
    "But, don't you think people will be angry if you
just burst into their houses?"  Bob looked skeptical. 
But maybe this way he could find some Japanese
lanterns to whip.
  
    "Of course not," Alucard replied, assured of
himself.  "I am sure that they will greet us, and
spontanously offer relevant advice about our quest. 
And we shall find a merchant who shall trade us items
in exchange for gold, (which can also be used for
upgrading weapons).  The townspeople will speak to us,
already knowing who we are, and the full details of
our quest to end the evil reign of my father."  He
nodded to himself.

***************************

     After they had broken into the fiftieth or so
house, and slain the residents, Bob began to be
slightly concerned.  He whipped uncertainly at a light
fixture.

     "My, the inhabitants of this town are certainly
hostile creatures," Alucard said, cleaning his sword. 
"Certainly my lord father has gotten to them first,
forcing us to slay them.  Stranger still, they all
seem to give magical swords.  Usually I have to kill
near to a hundred for them to reveal their magical
items.  But in this place I only require to slay five
or so per sword."  He took a katana from off the
family mantle, and put it in his inventory, the
magical place which allowed him to carry hundreds of
swords, a dozen suits of armor, thousands of little
baubles, and 10 months food supply without letting a
single sweat drop run down his smooth skin.

     Bob on the other hand was making up for this, as
he did a double sweatdrop Ranma-handgesture facefault.
 Little signs popped up out of nowhere.

8.5  6.7  7.0  6.4  7.1

     "Curse that Japane judge," Bob swore under his
breath.  After spending all those long days of keeping
his arms straight out, and getting the perfect wet
smacking sound!

     "Even if they attack us, certainly there must be
a better way of getting their help?  Do you have to
kill them every time?"  Bob pleaded with Alucard. 
Alucard looked at him, and raised an eyebrow in
confusion.

     "Not... kill them?" he asked.  Bob buried his
face in his hands.  Outside, screams were heard.  The
pair of them ran out the front door of the house to
witness the scene outside.  A small Japanese boy was
being dragged by a thin gaijin, clad in black.  The
gaijin, (better known to us as Hecubus, because no
author would simply put in some other gaijin just to
say, 'but that was a totally different kidnapping, and
so we can just skip on to the next scene, haha fooled
you there eh?' because that would just be dumb...
yeah).

     Hecubus pointed at Alucard.  "Main hero facing
smaller protagonist in easily predictable battle
scene! EVIL!"  Yoshitaka Amano, (because what other
kid would he be dragging... seriously now, do you
think he just killed Yoshitaka Amano, and we skipped
on and said 'oh, ok, that was fine, it happened and it
didn't matter', because.... oh nevermind), kicked at
him.

     Alucard posed, radiating an aura of the perfect
cool.  Everyone else reached into their pockets and
put on shades so that they could look at him.  "Ah!"
said he, cranking up the level of drama "certainly we
waited only for this!  Such an encounter must be what
we seek on our quest, and this must be the boy
Yoshitaka Amano.  For that is the only true
explanation of why such an encounter would happen!" 
He drew his sword.  Bob readied his whip. Their eyes
gleamed, as they rushed towards Hecubus, and into
might battle!

THE END

Meanwhile, someone tapped on Assassin's shoulder.

     "Hey, I want to be put in this chapter more." 
The dark voice reverberated in Assassin's skeletal
system.  "You never even wrote in a second scene at
the Disco Infernal. That was even in the chapter's
title.  I am the main villain here you know.  Put me
in more.  Or else."  Assassin looked over his shoulder
to see the brooding form of Dracula looming over him.

     Holding back a sweatdrop, Assassin replied:  "No
time.. I need to send this out... I havn't even
spellchecked it!"  Dracula glared at him, feral eyes
glowing red.  Assassin swallowed hard.  "Listen," he
said, trying to reason, "I'm sure you'll get more
scenes next time... this chapter sucked, thats all...
hey... get away from there... thats my keyboard...
sto.. sto-

Dracula conquered the world killing all his opponents
and living forever as the ..... no he didn't... master
of all evil and fu.... hey! hey! this fic is done ok!!
DONE! It's gonna be late if you don't stop.  Ok? Just
put down the mouse and... hey, calm down... ok, ok
I'll put you in more... don't do that!  God no!!!
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...............
*gack*