Meanwhile, half a world away, it was a dark and stormy night
in Warakiya--

--All right, so it wasn't, but it would've if they hadn't
been sued by Turner earlier.  Damn those suspensploitation
flicks.  The next thing you know they'll be filming a series
of movies starring a two-fisted hard-boiled Afro-American
protagonist.

Waitaminute...

--Anyway, it was not a dark and stormy night in Warakiya,
also called Wallachia by those who got the pop culture
reference.  It was quite a pleasant evening, actually.  The
rustic countryside was so pleasant and serene that one could
on an impulse decide to stay here forever and forget about
the outside world.  Since the Internet and Cable TV weren't
around yet, this could almost be a possibility.

A shame that one of the inhabitants is about to leave, but
this narrative is getting ahead of the chapter already.

In one of the stately manors that dot the countryside, an
elderly individual sadly looked out at the moon from the
window of his study.  Since we won't be seeing this character
in future chapter, this narrative won't bother describing the
old man's appearance...

...Then again, since it is the future authors' prerogatives
whether to use him or not (not unlike the prerogative of
certain vampire hunters to dress up in scanty leathers and
stick crosses to the mouths of their molotov cocktails --
it's not holy water, really -- or carry around cross-shaped
boomerangs) a short description can be tolerable.  He was
well advanced in years, with heavy, bushy white eyebrows and
beard, and not much hair on the rest of his head.  He was
dressed in an old, graying suit, the sort that snobbish
Europeans would wear.  His expression was filled with anxious
waiting, as if he was expecting someone important and
probably will have some bearing to the plot of this chapter.

The door behind him creaked open and caused the old person to
turn around.  At the door stood what appeared to be a young
person maybe in his middle teens, who was carrying an old
oaken staff.  It was hard to say exactly since the said
person was covered up from head to toe with a heavy pastel
blue robe, the hood covering most of the youth's face.
"Grandpa...?" the boy spoke in a rather effeminate voice.
"You wish to see me?"

The old man cracked a smile.  "Ah, you have finally come.
I've been waiting for so long..."

With his free hand, The boy brushed back a stray lock of
blonde hair that strayed out of his hood, and sighed.  He may
have rolled his eyes heavenward as he did so, but we couldn't
be sure either.  "Well, you did call about ten minutes ago,"
he replied in a sarcastic sing-song tone.  "I arrived as
quickly as I could..."

The young man to broke off because this was about the time
that the grandfather started hugging him fiercely and rather
overly intimately.  "Oh..." The grandfather moaned, rubbing
his head all over.  "I'll miss you so much..."

"..."  Without another word, the teen calmly thwacked his
grandfather with his staff on the head.  Several times.  It
was only after he used the staff as a crowbar did he
manage to pry off the old man from him.

"Ow!  Why did you do that for?!?" the old man complained.

"Grandpa, you pervert.  Is that all you wanted to see me
for?  I'm not going anywhere yet, you know."

The old man took a more serious air.  "Ah, but you must, for
you see, The Prince of Darkness has arisen once again, and it
is your sworn duty as the 108th Vampire Hunter of the
Belnades Family..."

"'Fernandez Family,'" the youth corrected him.

"...as I was saying, it is your destiny to go and face him,
and thwart his evil plans for world domination."

The young mage was silent, then brushed another stray lock of
hair that peered out of the hood, and sighed again.
"Grandpa, I know you hate his music so much, but isn't this a
bit too excessive?"

The old man's eyebrow twitched.  "I am referring to the other
Prince of Darkness, not that silly androgynous entertainer."

"Bill?  He won't be around for another ten years."

It was Grandpa Fernandez's turn to be exasperated.  "I meant
Count Dracula, also known as Lord Vlad Tepes, you blonde
twit!"

"Oh, Him."  The young mage cocked his head sideways.  "But
wasn't his castle supposed to appear at the outskirts of our
rural rustic countryside of Warakiya, also called Wallachia
by those who got the pop culture reference?"

"Yes.  Castlevania, also called Demon Castle Dracula by
purists, was supposed to appear at the outskirts of our rural
rustic countryside of Warakiya, also called Wallachia
by those who got the pop culture reference, but you see,
the Black Priest Shaft, self-proclaimed Master of Funk--"
here Grandpa Fernandez did the handjive motions as he
exposited, "--and Evil, had raised his Master Count Dracula
from his century-long slumber, decades ahead of schedule.  So
the duty now falls on you to sally forth and search the four
corners of the globe to find companions to aid you in foiling
Count Dracula's vile and vicious schemes."

The grandchild put a slender hand on an almost elfin chin, as
if deep in thought.  "What if I don't want to?" the vampire
hunter finally said.

The teen was immediately flattened by a hailstorm of antique
books, mouldy scrolls and old instruction manuals.  "You
little ingrate.  You were supposed to say, 'What do I do, my
wise and beloved Grandfather?'"

"...What do I do, old man?" was the groaning response
underneath the pile of miscellaneous reading material.

"Ah, the enthusiasm of youth," Grandpa Fernandez grinned as
he searched the pile of books for a certain scroll.

"Yay," grumbled his reluctant grandchild, pulling out of the
heap of books.

"Here," Grandpa Fernandez handed a scroll.  "Read this."

The vampire hunter stared at the scroll suspiciously.
"What's my motivation, anyway?"

The old man paused.  "Well, one of your companions-to-be is
the half-vampire immortal enemy and son of Dracula that also
bears a close and coincidental resemblance to Sephiroth."

There was a barely noticeable gasp to the point that one
could almost swear something was very wrong with this young
vampire hunter.  The teen quickly unfurled the scroll and
began to read.  "'This is a teleportation scroll.  After
reading this, you will be immediately transported to where
your allies are located--' What the...?!?"

There was a brief flare of light, and without any other
flashy special effects (to cut expenses of course), the young
mage was gone in a blink.


**********


Improfanfic is Crazy to Present:


Castlevania 1970:  Disco of Evil


Chapter 2x2:  Now They're Crawling Outta The Woodwork


This Chapter By:  Signus Megido, the Surreal Author


The Whole Ludicrous Concept Created By: Gaijin Dan Mastriani


**********


What?  That gag was in the last chapter?  So what if I reuse
it again?  It's not as if the Impro Inquisition will show up
any time soo--

"NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPRO INQUISITION!!!"

...*sigh*.  Me and my big cavernous maw.  Guys, do you mind?
I have a chibi impro to finish here.

"So, you refuse to submit, eh?  BRING IN... THE COMFY
CHAIR!"

(Note:  We apologize for this brief and distracting
interruption.  To make up for the delay this, the author of
this chapter has added fun facts throughout the chapter.
This should pad it up quite nicely.  Heh.  Now excuse me
while I go pick their bits from my teeth...  -Skrib)


**********


Fun Fact:

The Fourth Wall is what separates the Fictional World from
Reality.


**********


Our two heroes were rushing at the minor antagonist when said
minor antagonist raised one hand towards the dynamic duo.
No, not Batman and Robin, the other two heroes, which you
would have figured out by now if you have been regularly
following this impro series.

"Halt, you two who are not Batman and Robin!  Identify
yourselves!"  Manservant Hecubus, the said minor antagonist
who was supposed to be a pop cultural reference but this
author has no idea how to characterize him, proclaimed.

The two protagonists stopped in their tracks.  The younger of
the two blinked.  "Don't you know who we are already?"

Manservant Hecubus paused.  "Well, yeah, but the readers may
like to have a summary."

"Very well, if you insist," the taller and paler of the two
heroes stepped forward, brushing a stray lock of hair in
front of his pretty guy (or what the Japanese would call
biseinen) face.  "I am Alucard, the cursed half-breed son of
Dracula, whose human and vampire natures ever war with each
other, and who struggles to do good in the face of
overwhelming evil, defeating him so that the very world might
be spared from eternal darkness and damnation under his cruel
and evil rule.  This young man beside me is Robert Belmont,
or Bob as he preferred to be called, the latest scion of the
centuries-long Belmont line of legendary vampire hunters who
has warred with the great vampire and my father Dracula, who
would arise from his slumber every hundred years, once again
putting all humanity at the edge of grievous peril.  Why, I
recall nearly six hundred years ago when I met the first
recorded member of the Belmont clan, and young Robert's noble
(and quite deliciously attractive) ancestor, who accepted my
challenge to a duel of skill and defeated me to prove her
strength of will and inner power worthy enough to bring down
my vile and ignoble father Dracula.  Ah, yes it was a much
simpler time then, and I have never been more alive since
that time.  Had my father Dracula not began his evil scheme
of bringing the world under his iron-clad fist, who knows
what would have become of us?  However all that was the past,
and I must sadly move on to other things.  Thus it is for
every time I awaken from my self-imposed torpor I have given
my aid to members of the far-flung Belmont clan in their
never-ending quest to vanquish evil and not-niceness.  As you
may have wondered already on why should I go down this dreary
path of single-minded devotion to thwarting my nasty father
Dracula in any way I can, I have already committed myself to
this quest, and nothing will lead me astray from the path to
justice and righteousness, although there was this one time
one of my father Dracula's lackeys known as the Succubus
nearly succeeded when she disguised herself as my mother
Lisa, the only mortal that my obsessive father Dracula had
ever loved, and had she never been burned at the stake for
charges of heresy and witchcraft and consorting with dark and
evil supernatural beasts, which my father Dracula technically
qualifies as one, who knows what could have been?  If
anything else...  Say, are you all right?"

"My... head... hurts..." Bob whined while rubbing his aching
temples.

"Evil... evil, I say..." Hecubus weakly added, turning to his
captive, the young Yoshitaka Amano.  "What are you doing,
boy?"

"What does it look like, gaijin?" Amano replied bluntly,
intently sketching with a charcoal pencil on a thick pad of
drawing paper.  Hecubus was sure Amano did not carry around
both pencil and paper with him one chapter ago.

All three people leaned forward for a closer look.  "I must
say..." Alucard remarked.  "That's a very impressive sketch
you made, young man."

"It's a bit raw," Bob added, "but pretty good.  Could need
some work in cleaning up the rough tracing lines, but the
drawing's passable enough for inking."

"Hey!" Amano indignantly looked up from his lifelike drawing
of Alucard, Robert and Hecubus in their combat poses.  "I am
just a part-time manga-ka studying for my college entrance
exams and who is still living with my family's ancestral
house.  I am not some famous internationally-acclaimed award-
winning big-shot artist and character designer that everyone
is familiar with!"

The others coughed nervously into their fists.


**********


Many, many years later, Yoshitaka Amano reflected back on his
bizarre experiences during his teens, and sneezed violently.

"Hey!" Mamoru Nagano exclaimed.  "You've got crap all over my
characters!"

"Sorry."


**********


Hecubus trembled as he pointed a finger towards Amano.
"EVIL!  Eeeviil!  I have never encountered such concentrated
evil before as wielded by the one who stands before me!
Master Shaft was right in ordering me to dispatch of you!
Such evil must not be allowed to compete with my Lord
Dracula!"

Amano blinked, pausing in mid-sketch.  "I'm evil?" he
wondered aloud.

After some hard decision-making (along the lines of "Which
sword shall I use today?"), Alucard settled on one weapon and
drew it out.  "Come, young Robert!  This will be your first
true battle with a Boss enemy!  So let us go forth and cross
our righteous weapons with our despicable foe!"

Bob stared at Alucard's sword.  "Hey, isn't that the
Masamune?" he asked a little too loudly.

To credit Alucard, he didn't glare at Bob's snafu.  "No, it's
not," he patiently replied in the tone of voice used for
annoying siblings, cousins or in-laws.  "This katana may look
the same as that inferior version, but I assure you, this is
an entirely different weapon.  Now pull out that old musty
leather whip of yours and prepare yourself for imminent
battle!"

While both Bob and Amano were contemplating on the unintended
innuendo on that last statement, Hecubus quickly performed a
brief ritual.

Amano, upon seeing the product of the ritual, quickly started
sketching on a new page on his pad.  For some reason, he felt
divinely inspired.

"Um, Alucard...  I think we may have a problem..."  Bob
indicated the shambling corpses of the townsfolk whom Alucard
had slain earlier.

"Kill them," Hecubus commanded.  "Kill them all, until they
are dead!"

The zombies attacked.


**********


Fun Fact:

Four is the number for Death.


**********


In Disco Infernal, Death was busy brooding on his purpose in
unlife, and his place in Count Dracula's order of things when
he was startled out of his reverie...

Reverie?

"Yeah, baybee, YEAH!"  Death yelled, getting down with the
rest of the party crowd.

...Let's move on then.


**********


Death blinked (or would have anyway, if he had eyes),
startled out of his Dance Dance Revolution pattern, totally
ruining his perfect score.

"Dammit all to Me..."  He grumbled amidst the jeering of the
spectators, the mood ruined by the urgent tingling that he
usually received when his services were needed.

"Yo, Grimmy!" Brother Drac... er, Count Dracula called out to
his most dependable man.  "Wazzup?!?"

The Grim Reaper noted the satiated look on his Lord and
Master Dracula's face, and concluded that his Boss was drunk.
The pile of unconscious nubile chicks lying in a heap around
the Count, all of them totally drained of blood, may have
been a big clue.  "Nothin' much, Boss.  Jus' hanging 'round,
on a roll..."

"You seem to be in a hurry," Dracula noted, his eyes
narrowing at Death in spite of his intoxicated state.

"I was planning going out," Death admitted, "to make sure
that Shaft dealt with the Belmonts once and for all, even if
I have to do it myself."  Shaft included, he added silently.

Dracula waved him off.  "Grimmy, Grimmy, Grimmy... don't
worry yourself too much over the wannabe heroes.  Despite my
son Alucard once again casting his lot among them, I am
confident that this time they will be defeated by my totally
incompetent front-line supernatural forces.  Besides, who's
the evil mortal that wants power so bad?"

"Shaft?"

"You damn right.  Who's The Black Priest that brought me back
to this world so I can crush it down my heel?"

"Shaft."

"You damn right.  Who's the Number One Pimp With Da Mad
Skeelz that set up this Disco Infernal gig?"

"Shaft!"

"You damn right."

"You know," Death began, "I hear that Shaft is one bad
mother--"

"Shut yo mouth!"

"Just talkin' 'bout Shaft."

"We can dig it."

The Grim Reaper massaged his temples.  "This gag is getting
old..."

Dracula signaled a waiter to bring his usual.  "So c'mon,
relax and mingle.  Get your mojo flowing."

Death could see Shaft in the middle of the dance floor, doing
exactly just that.  "If you say so, Boss.  But don't you
have work in that CTV show tomorrow?"

Dracula was already ignoring him, his attentions diverted by
the pair of young virgin schoolgirls one of his retainers
diverted towards his table.

Death shrugged.  "I guess Sesame Street can wait then.  The
lucky stiff..."


**********


Fun Fact:

The number that comes after three is four.  Count after me,
kids!  One, two, three, FOUR!  The Number Four! AHAHAHAHAH...


**********


"Blast it!"  Alucard cursed, destroying several other zombies
as he did so.

Yoshitaka Amano continued sketching.

"There's too many of them!"  Bob shouted, whipping a whole
rank of zombies that neatly shambled towards them in a single
line.

Yoshitaka Amano still continued sketching.

"Neverthereless..."  Alucard continued even while
dispatching several more zombies.  "...We can still defeat
against these abominations.  Strengthen your heart, Robert!
We will prevail!"

Hecubus decided not to add anything to this rather cheezy
combat scene other than reanimating more zombies to throw to
the battle.

And Yoshitaka Amano sketched on.


**********


Fun Fact:

This is the Fourth Fun Fact.


**********


"We could use some help right about now," Bob idly
commented to no one in particular.

You know what they say about idle comments...

With a brief flash, the young mage we were introduced to at
the beginning of the chapter materialized in the middle of
the battle.  Unfortunately, the blue pastel robed youth
appeared right above the artist.

"Iyai!"  The mage yelled in pain, a bit too femininely.

"Huh?"  Everyone else sentient enough to be surprised
turned to the newcomer in surprise."

"Owiie...  that hurt."  The young mage mumbled, rubbing his
rear.  "At least I landed on something soft...  Whoops,
sorry about that."

"`Sall right..."  Amano goofily replied, his eyes all
swirly.

"Who are you?"  Alucard asked.

The mage sighed dreamily in response.

Alucard casually flicked away a wandering strand of hair from
his face.  "I asked you a question."

"W... ah... er..." the mage stuttered.  "Excuse me for a
moment..."

He pulled out a heavy stack of papers from within the folds
of his robes.  After a moment's scanning, he growled.  "This
is ridiculous.  I'm not doing this, no way..."

As the others watched, the mage drew the fire soul power and
incinerated the script.  "Okay, let's take it from the
top..."

Hecubus pointed a finger accusingly at the newcomer.  "I
know what you are!  You are supporting character here to aid
the main protagonists in defeating minor villain!  EVIL!!!"

A large sweatdrop formed from behind the robed one's head.
"..."

"Well, thanks for the offer, but we've already dealt with
them," Bob remarked casually.

"What?!?"

Everyone looked around to see that, indeed, Bob was right.
While the rest of the named cast was busy gawking at the new
arrival, Bob whipped the flesh out of the sombie fodder and
collected the Valentines that remained.  Only piles of bones
were left of his handiwork.

"NO!"  Hecubus hopped around angrily.  "EVIL!  EEVVILL!!!"

"So, since that minor battle was unexpectedly settled with
off-camera, would you kindly give your introductory speech,
and any other exposition you wish to declaim?"  Alucard
said, not missing a beat.

The mage only sighed dreamily in response.

"Well, aren't you gonna say anythng?"  Bob asked.

Alucard felt a tugging at his cloak.  He turned to see Amano
doing so.  "Um, Arucardo-san, there's a more pressing
problem to deal with."

"What is it?"

Amano waved his hands around towards the scattered zombie
remains which began to assemble themselves with their own
voilition.

"Skeletons..."  Alucard hissed.

Bob moved first, quickly snapping his leather whip at one of
them.  The skeleton shuddered and broke apart.

"Well, that wasn't so hard..."  Bob trailed off when the
bones assembled themselves again, and the reconstructed
skeletal warrior trudged forward like nothing happened.
"Well, crap."

"Kill them all!"  Hecubus ordered.  "Kill them all dead!"

This spurred the others into action.  Alucard sheathed his
sword and pulled out the Ball of Destruction from within
his Cloak of Holding.  "If you are not against us, you are
most certainly our ally," he said to the mage.

The mage silently nodded and readied another fire soul
spell.  They quickly engaged the ever-increasing horde of
skeletons pouring towards them.

"Evil!"  Hecubus declared as the trio were slowly pinned
to a corner that certainly wasn't there before.

Meanwhile, Bob was furiously whipping up a storm.  Yet no
matter how hard he struck at the skeletons, they would put
themselves back together and advance as if unaffected.
"This isn't working..."  He muttered.  What was he doing
wrong?  Did he miss reading the article on how to defeat
animated skeletons in Whipping Things Monthly?

Wait... isn't that a Japanese lantern right on that wall?
Why did he miss that?

Without another thought, Bob struck the lantern and
grabbed the first thing that fell out of it.

After shaking off the candle burns on his hands, he
gingerly picked up the glowing red orb on the ground
which was the second thing that fell out of the whipped
light fixture.

The orb flared once, then disappeared in a burst of
sparkles and resounding power-up soundtrack.  A small
window opened above Bob's head and briefly hovered in
place for a few seconds before closing by itself.

.......................
:                     :
: Thorn Whip Aquired! :
:                     :
.......................

"Robert, look out!"  Alucard barked a warning while
shooting a trio of fireballs at several of the skeletons.
Bob spun and struck out on reflex; the skeleton received
the full brunt of the blow, and shattered into dust.

"Hey..."  Bob slowly grinned evilly.

He then proceeded to haul bony @$$.  (Pardon the pun.)

"Hah!"  Hecubus gloated.  "While the so-called 'heroes'
are distracted, I can finish off Yoshitaka Amano and
fulfill my mission!"

He turned to Amano, who was busy scribbling something
on the pad of paper.  "Hey, you!  What are you drawing?
Don't you know you are about to die?"

Amano merely showed the Manservant the drawing.

"Hmm..." Hecubus gave the drawing the once-over.
"What does this sketch of a heavy pink block falling
from the sky landing right on my head mean?"

Right after saying so, a heavy pick block fell out
from the skies and landed squarely on the hapless
Manservant's head.  Hecubus went down for the count,
his last words being, "Evil...  Evil..."

"Well... that was certainly anticlimatic," the mage
commented.

Alucard picked up the manila envelope attached to the
pink block.  He opened it and read:


"Master Alucard,

In this envelope you will find detailed information on
one of your allies, one Puratsida Lelmu Carrie Belnades,
the direct descendant of the vampire hunter and magus
Sylpha Belnades.  Puratsu will be very invaluable on
your quest to vanquish your father Lord Dracula.

>From The Master Librarian.

P.S.  -  The Pink Block and info costs $5,000 which is
already added to your credit account."


Before Alucard could say another word, a small fireball
engulfed the manila envelope, burning it into a crisp.

"That's *Placida* *Relm* *Calli* *Fernandez*," the mage
emphasized, glomping the angst-ridden son of Dracula.
"You can call me Plaz for short, cutie."

Alucard replied in the most eloquent of all speeches
ever presented in a video game.  "..."

Bob was still happily whipping the last of the skeletons.

Amano began on another sketch.



**********


Author's Skribulous:


This is one late part.  Blame my vampiric ISP.
Damn net.leeches.

Is Plaz a guy or a girl?  I have no idea...


**********


Fun Fact:

This is the end of Chapter Four.