^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^ FAQing Hostile Omake OUTTAKES SPECIAL ^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^^_^ Written by: Shan Lakhamani Ian Ton Tempest NeoVid Mark Poa Editted and compiled by: Mark Poa FAQing Hostile started by: Twoflower ********* Misfired gun... "Game over, bitch. Time to say goodbye," Vixen said as she squeezed the trigger. Jenine saw her life flash before her eyes. There was a bang as the gun fired. Vixen stared at the flag extending from the gun barrel with the word "BANG!" brightly printed on it. "That's the last time I allow those kiboists around my weapons," she cursed under her breath. ********** Rachael angst scene remix... "Do you mind?!? I'm naked here!" Rachael shouted as she tried to cover both her body and her blushing while throwing the nearest available objects at Dave. "But..." Dave tried to explain while he ducked a thrown candle. "I didn't mean to..." He tried to duck a thrown piece of Goth jewelry with an unnecessarily sharp ornament. He didn't. "Medic!" Rachael shouted. ********** Dave's real ambition... Dave had had enough of Vixen's harsh treatment. "Y-you never g-gave me any respect," Dave stammered. "You were never worthy to become otaku," Vixen replied icily. Dave tried to hold back his tears, but failed. He looked up at Vixen with tear-filled eyes. "I-I only wanted to b-be accepted! I-I never liked a-anime anyway! I wanted to become something else." Vixen a tug at her heart at seeing his tears. "Oh? and what is that?" Dave clutched his shirt and pulled it off, revealing the French Maid costume underneath. "I wanted to be... a cocktail waitress!" Vixen facefaulted. ********** Dave's sister... "Oh my god, Dave, no!" He scrambled to hide the box, and yank out the earbud; which only made the sweet, bouncy music all the more audible. "No, wait, it's not what you think!!" he protested. "I was just.. I mean..." His sister quickly scooped up the disks, and tried to stuff them back in the box. "Didn't I tell you not to play around my stuff? Really, Dave! You could have gotten my Megumi Hayashibara discs broken." Dave paused, a question mark above his head. "Wait a minute. Something's not right here." ********** Escape from Unused Tribal Idea 1... "B1FF," Vixen said in a dangerously quiet tone, "that is the last time I ever take your advice on what tribe to meet with. If we ever run into another group of Headbangers, I'm going to strangle you." "WH4T???" "I said I'M GOING TO STRANGLE YOU!" "0H, 0K! TH4T'5 WH4T 1 TH- GG4444KKKK!!!" ********** Escape from Unused Tribal Idea 2... As they left the burning compound behind at top speed, Dave stayed in a fetal position on Sherman's floor, hands clamped over his ears. Vixen looked down at him. Even more than she usually did. "Newbie, you're supposed to know 20th century music. Why in HELL didn't you know enough to warn us? I'm not sure if I'm even going to be able to think again! How did those zombie bastards get away with calling themselves the EASY Listeners!?" Dave twitched, and faintly said, "Dear God... Manilow the Evil One..." *********** A Woman's Shock... "We did the best we could, Directress. It's a miracle you're even alive. Half your face was damaged by the gunshot. We're afraid that we had to give you the implants," the cult medtech reasoned. Jenine immediately looked down to her chest, "Oh my God! They're huge!" ************ Not enough Fire Power... Directress Richards stood still, her anger rising exponentially. "Destroy! Destroy it now! KILL!!" She shouted to her subordinates in the control room. The control room showed the positions of all the Virii and took pictures, and the Virii themselves didn't know it. A few people thought that the control room wasn't necessary, that the whole idea of spies spying on their own spies was a bit redundant. Those who questioned the Almighty Lord of Wares were never heard from again. They did learn how to make great coffee, though. "We have spotted the Otaku in Mexico" one of the operators of the equipment said to Jenine. "Fire, full strength!" Directress Richards commanded. "Firing, ma'am" replied the attendant, commanding all virii in the area to fire in one place at one time. On the screen, a giant explosion is seen. The otakus drive by unscathed. "Noooooooooooo! Game Over!?" Directress Richard screamed in an angry fury. She lost at Final Fantasy 3 on her optical implant again. She was so sure that Fire3 would kill Kefka. "Oh, well," she thought "let's try this again". *********** First Kiss Remix Deux... With her heart beating quickly, Rachael stood before Dave. She was almost never nervous, but now she was sweating bullets. "Dave, I have... something to... tell you" Rachael managed to say. "Yes, Rachael" Dave said unnervedly. "Remember when saved me from the falling debris before we were captured and we..." started Rachael. "Yes, I remember" replied Dave, starting to become flushed. "Well, from that moment you turned me off men, and I've started dating Vixen," said Rachael. Dave's eyes widened so they took up three-fourths of his face as he squeaked in shock, "Nani? Why are you telling me this?" Rachael continued, "I hoped you would be able to help Vixen and me to take a couple of naughty pictures, after everyone else goes to bed". Dave's nose started bleeding as he fell unconscious. Rachael poked him with her shoe, "Dave?" ********** Truth Behind the Black Boxes... "We're finally collected all the black boxes!" Dave exclaimed with joy. "Y34h, 4ft3r w3 4lm05t d13d f0r th3 l45t f3w" B1ff said. "Alright Sherman, what's in these boxes" Vixen asked. "Scanning... Inside these boxes is the complete archive of the Hime-chan no Ribbon episodes" Sherman declared. "Wai" yelled Dave, happy another series of anime survived. Everyone else was wide-eyed and speechless. *********** The Otakifier... "Dave! Get out there and kick some butt dammit!" "Miss Hiroshima, systems at 53% and dropping..." "5i5! M0r3 0f th3 dAmN 0n3s! 0v3r th3r3!" "Pika!" "I can't find a tape!" Dave yelled. B1ff gritted his teeth. "F1n3! H3r3!" He reached into his backpack and threw a battered VHS tape towards Dave. "U 0w3 m3 b1g 4 th1S 0n3!" Dave blinked and fumblingly caught the black plastic case. "What is it?" "Just play the damn thing!" "Allright allright!" he muttered. Maybe it was a good idea to have stayed behind after all... He slid the tape out of the casing into the Otakifier.... [One big battle scene later] "Pika?" "The tape I gave him? Slayers." "Ohohohohohohoho," roared Dave, some distance away. "Pi pika pika pi." "Yeah, I think it was a bad idea to use that one. Good thing it only lasts for another ten minutes." ********** Sibling differences... During a tense moment, Vixen puts her faith in anime. "Ryo Saeba, guide me!" she shouts as her hand dives for her gun. During a less combat oriented moment, B1FF offers his version: "Ry0 Sa3ba, gu1de me!" he extols as his hand dives for the hem of the girl's dress. ********** Bad wake-up... Dave felt himself becoming awake. His head hurt and he cannot open his eyes. He also felt something strange. He was hugging something in his arms. Something soft. Uh, oh, he thought. This couldn't be... The person in his arms stirred. "Hu-hum," he yawned as he woke up groggily and looked up at Dave. A lazy smile was on his face. "G00d m0rn1n', d00d! W4s 1s g00d 4 U l1k3 1t w4s 4 m3?" Dave screamed. ********** Dave's weird dream remix... He opened Door #3. A blinding flash of light appeared briefly then disappeared. Dave blinked ten times to get rid of the spots caused by the brief flash. "Congratulations! Since you chose Door #3, You just won a new car!" the host announced. "Wai!" Dave cheered. ********** Vixen's addiction... Vixen breathed a sigh of relief. No one was around. No one could ever know. They wouldn't understand anyway. Her brother would laugh at him. Dave would think she was a sham. Rachael wouldn't care. Even Phreakachu wouldn't be able to emphasize with her. She started her guilty pleasure. It had been so long! The machine flickered to life. Long sought-after stimulation was finally there! "GO Wedding Peach! For I am Wedding Peach, the beautiful defender of love!" Vixen chanted along with her favorite heroine, posing along. Vixen continued to watch her favorite show and sighed dreamily. *********** Special guest stars... "Phreakachu, Thundershock!" commanded Vixen. "Pikachu!" A bolt of electricity lashed out, hitting the escaping assailants, who fell to the floor. After the special effects were over, the three otaku came over to look at the attacker. The people in question were sprawled on the ground, twitching. "I knew your plan wouldn't work, Jessie!" "Shut up, James!" "Both of youse guys just shut up!" B1ff nonchalantly rolled them up into a ball and threw them high into the sky. "Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" they shouted as they reached orbit. "G0tt4 l0v3 tr4d1t1on." B1ff smirked. ********** Dave's weird dreams remix part deux... "Where the heck, am I?" He looked around. He appears to be in a black room. Five doors are around him labeled with the numbers 1 to 5 each. Dave turned around again. He saw a woman nailed to a cross, a snake passing through her left eye. Behind the cross, a rabbit with a Swatch watch and a one-eyed hamster chased after a legless cat. Weird pink bubbles floated around. The woman looked at Dave. She pulled her hand from the nail holding it to the cross and pointed at him. The blood oozing out from the wound in her hand made Dave nauseated. The woman spoke, "Matsuro, you must fulfill your destiny. You must go to Tokyo. You must get the sacred sword." Her hand changed into a formless glob of red PlayDoh (tm). Dave sweatdropped. "Er, ma'am," he spoke up. "I think you want the Do-Gooders studio." He pointed. "It's the other one across this one. This one's the FAQing Hostile studio." "Oh," the woman spoke before disappearing in a puff of cherry blossoms. ********** Rachael and Dave's First Kiss... She paused for a moment, just looking at his sorrowed face. "If I cared about such things, I think I'd fight for them." Then, seized by a sudden impulse, she leaned forward and kissed him. Dave was a bit embarassed when Rachael immediately broke the kiss. He was even more embarassed when she looked straight into his eyes and whispered huskily... "You need to use stronger breath mints." ********** Of Mice and Men... "Stop that or I'll make a mess of your cranial features," he warned, aiming the gun at Evan's head. Evan immediately backed off, hands held in the surrender position. "Rats," Evan muttered, then hastened to add, "er, ah, I meant mice! Yeah, that's it. Mice!" Toby sighed. "This is the fifth take, Evan. Get it right this time." "Who says "mice" anyway?" Evan said to himself. "I'm being typecast too much for being an Ear." ********** FAQing retro... Toby finished reading the message, sent his terminal to sleep. "Mankus?" he called out his door. "Yes sir?" a deep voice responded from the offices outside. "To the Batcave!" o/~Tanananananananananananananananananananananan...o/~ ******** ******************************************* CREDITS: Ian Ton Sibling differences NeoVid Escape from Unused Tribe Idea 1 Escape from Unused Tribe Idea 2 Tempest/Nathan The Otakifier Shan Lakhamani A woman's shock Not enough firepower First Kiss Remix Deux Truth Behind the Black Boxes Mark Poa ******************************************* Editor/Compiler's notes: This is going to be an ongoing omake featuring outtakes from the series FAQing Hostile. Everyone is welcome and encouraged to contribute. If you would like to submit outtakes to be included in the omake, email them to recklessflyer@mechpilot.com with the subject "Outtakes Special". It is hoped that there will be frequent updates of this omake special... So submit those outtakes, people! ^_^ Mark Poa *******************************************