FAQing Hostile: Subcultural Mutant Otaku Versus the Mundanes Chapter 2 by Anonymous (Spawned by Twoflower) --- "Sherman, how's the salvage coming?" "Dave is bringing in the last of the salvagable materials now, Miss Hiroshima," replied the tank, it's tone calm and level. Of course, Sherman's tone was always calm and level. Being a machine gave him a certain air of unflappability. "Right." Vixen Hiroshima looked over to where B1FF was hunched in front of a monitor. The bulky otaku was attempting to retrieve any viable data from what was left of Otakuland's computers. "How's it coming?" "a1m0st d0ne, d00d," stated her brother. "i'11 h4ve 1t s00n. m0st 0f th3 s3rv3r5 ar3 s1ag. but i f0und a b4ck-up 5y5tem th4ts 5ti11 0k en0ugh t0 pu11 s0me f1le5 0ff." Vixen nodded. "See if you can salvage any tactical files on the Ears. We'll need them." "u g0t 1t" In a moment, the hatch opened, admitting Dave, who bore a sack over one shoulder. Phreakachu scampered in behind him, carrying a smaller sack. A cigarette dangled from the corner of its mouth. "Pika," it stated, as it and Dave dumped their sacks in a corner. Phreakachu took a last drag on its cigarette, before chaining a fresh smoke off it. Stubbing out the old butt, Phreakachu scampered over to Vixen. "Chu. Pikachu," the pokemon explained, jerking a paw towards the pile of booty. The pokemon blew out a cloud of smoke through its nose. Vixen nodded vaguely in acknowledgement. "Right," she said, opening a sack. "Sherman, as soon as B1FF gets done, move us to a safer position." "1'm d0n3, 5i5." "Let's go, Sherman," ordered Vixen. "Yes, Miss Hiroshima." --- An hour later, under the cover of a copse of what probably used to be mangroves, the last otaku on earth laid plans. Inside S herman, Vixen leaned against a console and surveyed Dave's portion of the salvage, fingers drumming against the panel. "I did OK, right?" asked Dave. "Two shotguns with no ammo, three boxes of machine gun shells, about a week's worth of rations for the three of us, a handful of mostly undamaged manga and DVDs... Hey, pocky!" Vixen paused. "I mean... aside from the dozen or so degaussed video tapes, you didn't do too awful, kid." Dave smiled nervouly a little. "Um, thanks--" "5I5, L00K 4T WH4T pH3AK4CHU F0UND!!!!11!!1!" B1FF leapt up, waving a chunk of cloth around. The weighty man jumped about excitedly. Phreakachu just worked at moving the two bricks of hashish it had scavenged into to closet that served as its room. "What is it B1FF?" asked Dave. "1t's th3 fuku, d00d11!!! phr3ak, u ru13!!11!!!" Confusion spread across Dave's face. "Ma'am, what is he talking about?" Vixen raised an eyebrow. "You really don't know?" Dave shook his head, and Vixen continued. Taking the item from B1FF, she held it out for Dave to examine. The was in all respects a completely normal sailor fuku, the kind one might expect to find in some shojo anime. One of the sleeves had been torn to tatters and there was a large slash in the skirt, along with being caked with dirt from the blast. "This is one of the original fuku worshipped by the early otaku groups of Japan," explained Vixen. "Shortly before Japan was sunk by the US's seismic weapons satellites, the Otaking had this fuku brought back to the US. The practice of fuku worship was continued in Otakuland, a memory of the lost homeland." Vixen's eyes blazed, and B1FF and Phreakachu moved to flank her, faces solemn. "This fuku stands for over a century and a half of the otaku way. And we will carry it onwards as long as we are able!" Tears welled up in Dave's eyes. "That was so moving..." "NOW, LET'S KILL US SOME EARS!" Vixen shouted. "ONW ARD!" --- All that day, as the cloud-cover changed from the rainbow hues of caustic smog to darkness, a giant tank cut through the Everglades. Guiding the group past the few roaming bands of Trekkies and other Sci-Fan tribes that had staked out territories along the ruin of I-75, Otakuland Strike Force Theta soon arrived at the heart of the territory of the Ears. Disney Land. From the hillside overlooking the Disney Land, the crew could see the sprawling maze of hovels, souvenir shops, broken down attractions, souvenir shops, corporate offices, souvenir shops, over-priced food vendors, souvenir shops, animatronic galleries, souvenir shops, slave-labor animation studios, deranged Ear foot-soldiers, and souvenir shops. Rising over the whole wretched mass of it shone a huge geodesic dome, ringed with pallisades and gun batteries. The whole of Disney Land was lit by large fires burning in the central squares, as well as by spot-lights that swept across the night sky. Vixen checked her ammo for the fourth time in as many minutes. "Look, B1FF, are you sure those files said there was a maintenance tunnel here?" "5ur3 im 5ur3," B1FF assured her, from where he and Dave were wading through waist-high grass. "th3 fi1e5 w3r3 5tr4ight fr0m t0ky0 tow3r. s41d th3r3 w4s 4 bunch 0f 0ld ma1nten4nce tunn31s und3r th3 pl4c3 th4t th3 e4r5 d0nt u5e." "Hey! I found something!" B1FF and Vixen quickly came over to where Dave stood. A heavy metal slab in a concrete frame lay half-buried in weeds. Dave knelt down, gripping the rust coated handle. Bracing himself, he hauled at the handle with all his highly limited might. Naturally, when the handle crumbled into a pile of rusty metal bits, Dave fell backwards, landing butt-first in the weeds. Shaking her head, Vixen turned to B1FF. "Think you can manage this?" she asked, gesturing to the hatch. B1FF rubbed the stubble on his jaw. "c4nt w3 just u5e th3 C4?" Vixen scowled. "Sure, B1FF. Let's use the C4. That's an especially good idea, since our entire supply went into making to bomb that we're going in to plant in the first place. do you or do you not want to blow up Epcot Center?" B1FF shrugged. "0k f1ne. g0 4w4y s0 i c4n d0 this in p3ac3." Grabbing Dave's shoulder, Vixen drug him back to where Sherman was hidden. Pikachu wandered up from where he had be taking the opportunity to smoke a blunt. "So, what's B1FF doing?" Dave asked. Vixen leaned against the tank. "He's going to try a Breaking Point on the door." "But... You mean like the attack thing from Ranma? That's ridiculous!" protested Dave. "Stuff like that isn't real!" "Shows what you know. You've been riding around with a pokemon for three days, but you think a chi attack is impossible. ...Have to heard of the nano plague?" Dave dredged his memory. "Um... The nano plague was one of the things that caused the first mutants. This tribe of geneticists released a strain of air-bourne molecular robots called nanites. The nanites floated around in the atmosphere, attacking the DNA of certain humans, restructuring people over-night into mutants." "Not bad," Vixen grinned. "Here's the rest of the story. That geneticist tribe were the same people who'd developed the genetic zoos where you could find wooly mammoths, pokemon, mokonas, and chocobos. ...Anyhow, just like some people were turned into mutants, some people had their DNA *improved*. These rare individuals could use abilities normal people couldn't dream of--chi-like abilities, psychic powers, stuff like that." Vixen jerked her thumb back to where B1FF was crouched over the entrance. "My brother can break rocks and metal and stuff with an energy projection, kind of like the 'breaking point' thing. Takes him a hella long time though." "Oh. Hey! Do you have an ability like that?" Dave asked. "...No." The temperature d ropped several degrees from Vixen's tone of voice alone. Dave remained happily oblivious. "Hey! I bet you've got a magical girl type power and that pink stick I saw in your bag is your henshin stickgurk!" Whatever else Dave had to say was cut off as Vixen throttled him. "IF I SAY I DON'T HAVE A POWER, THEN I DAMN WELL DON'T HAVE A POWER! AND DON'T YOU EVER LOOK IN MY BAG AGAIN!" A muffled boom drifted over the field. Dropping Dave, Vixen stalked back to where her brother was. As she approached, B1FF stood, wiping sweat from his brow. "ph0ck1ng b4st4rd!!11!! g4v3 m3 a m1gra1n3........" He glanced over to his sister, and grinned weakly. "wh4ts th3 m4tt3r s1s? 5pat w1th y3r b0yfr13nd?" "B1FF, if you ever say that again, I'll make you eat one of your damn genades," Vixen explained. As Dave and Phreakachu approached, B1FF gestured to the hole where the hatch had been. "l4die5 f1r5t." --- The tunnels thus far, were indeed abandoned, sav e for a few giant rats. After a good hour's hike, the three otaku (and one pokemon) were deep beneath the heart of Disney Land. Occasionally, the sounds of the Ears drifted into the maintenance tunnel. After some time, Vixen halted the group. "Does anyone have any idea where we are?" "n0" "Not really." "Pika." "I should have known." Vixen waved the barrel of her machine gun at an alcove a little distance ahead. "Dave, I want you to go up that ladder and see where we are." "Why do I have to do it?" Dave asked, a hint of tremor in his voice. "Because you're expendable," informed Vixen. "Get a move on." Reluctantly, Dave moved to the alcove. Grabbing the ladder, Dave scaled the flaking rungs, and pulled open the trap door at the top. "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Dave screamed like a little girl as the corpse fell on top of him. B1FF and Vixen ran over, as Dave flailed under the unholy thing that was crawling on top of him. Vixen pulle d the thing off, throwing it against the far wall. Half a second later, the rattle of automatic gunfire rang down the tunnel as Vixen and B1FF ventilated the monster. A small fire broke out in the thing's chest. B1FF wandered over and poked the thing with the muzzle of his gun. It flopped over, twitching weakly, revealing itself to be a rather unrealistic and goofy-looking model of a corpse. A teacup was clutched in one hand. "aww sh1t!1!! 1ts ju5t 4nim4tr0nic. wh4t a w4st3 0f amm0!1!!" Vixen nodded, then gave Dave the evil eye. "Some of us will have to be more careful, won't we?" Turning her attention to the opening, Vixen continued. "Still, it does tell us where we are." B1FF nodded. "th3 h4unt3d h0us3" "Right. Let's take a look around." The trio climbed up the ladder, into the chamber above. As he entered, Dave gagged. The place stank to high heaven, like nothing he'd ever experienced. "Dead bodies," stated Vixen, anticipating Dave's question. Dave noticed she looked a bit green as well. The room at one point had been descorated as a ballroom, with a huge buffet table set out. Animatronic ghost and ghouls had been packed around the table and on the dance floor. The top half of one wall was a giant shattered window, beyond which could be seen a sort of train of over sized chairs. Now, however, the buffet had been defaced, leaving only chucks of plaster, and the animatronic models had been torn from their sockets. Many lay in a huge pile at the far end of the room, while others had been strewn about, arranged obscenely. Of course, the skeletonized bodies chained along the wall were pretty noticable too. "They must use this as an oubilette from prisoners," Vixen hazarded, as they fanned out across the chamber. "gr0ss d00d," offered B1FF, poking at one of the skeletons with a stick. Phreakchu nodded in agreement, before taking a slug for a bottle of miniture bourbon. D ave was busy rattling one of the doors along the back wall of the chamber. "Hey, guys. I think I can get this open--" At that point, the latch finally came undone. As the door popped open, a chair leg smacked into the side of Dave's head. As he stumbled back, a small figure dashed past, making a break for the hatch they had entered from. "Phreakachu, Thundershock!" commanded Vixen. "Pikachu!" A bolt of electricity lashed out, hitting the escaping assailant, who fell to the floor. After the special effects were over, the three otaku came over to look at the attacker. The people in question, turned out to be a girl, perhaps fourteen years old, with pale skin and jet-black hair, wearing a rather flattering black dress. Dark rings of makeup circled her eyes. "It's a girl," stated Dave, quickly grasping the crux of what was going on. "No," stated Vixen. "It's a Goth. I'll bet the Ears took her jewelry, but the eye makeup is a dead giveaw ay." Turning away, she said, "Just leave her behind. She's not our tribe, so she's not our problem." As she moving to the hatch they had entered, B1FF and Phreakachu followed. "But... But... we can't just leave her here!" protested Dave. "She'll die in here! Where's your compassion?" "d00d, w3 h4d 0ur c0mp4si0n surg1c4lly r3m0v3d a5 chi1dr3n," replied B1FF. "it5 ju5t s0m3 k1d 4nyh0w" The girl moaned a bit, and struggled to sit up. Dave moved closer, helping her sit up. "Hey, are you OK?" The girl looked up at him through black-ringed eyes for a moment before replying. "You aren't Ears, are you?" she asked. "Ears wouldn't ask that." Dave rubbed the back of his neck and grinned like an idiot. "Ah hah hah.... Um. I'm Dave. What's your name?" "Rachael Gunther hexagon Diaphragm Foxtrot Bisexualis," the goth girl replied. "But you can call me Rachael." A large hand latched onto Rachael's hand. "hi!!!1! im B1FF. d1d u s4y u r bi?" asked the hentai studies master. Vixen glowered at the trio. "Hey, people? We've got an Ear headquarters to bomb, you know," she informed them. She quickly climbed back down into the access tunnels beneath the haunted house. "You're going to bomb the Epcot Dome?" Rachael asked. A dark look passed over her face. "Let me help! Those assholes killed my mom and dad and the whole tribe, and I want payback." "5ur3 k1d. l3ts g0." Descending back into the tunnels, they continued on to the heart of the kingdom of the Mouse. There was one last question, however... "Dave, what's an 'otaku'?" "Well, Rachael, it's like this..." "b4b3, r u 5ur3 u r n01 bi?"