FAQing Hostile
Subcultural Mutant Otaku Vs. the Mundanes
 Chapter 3 
By Mark Elliott

(Concept originated by Twoflower)




	The group had been walking for hours, and everything looked the same.  Every tunnel
the same white featureless walls, the same clink of footsteps on the group, the same dust and
spider webs.

	"S0, wh3r3 th3 PH0CK R w3?"

	"Patience B1FF, according to this map, we are somewhere underneath Epcot."  Replied
Vixen, "We'll show those Disney bastards!"

	"Ph0cking r1ght w3 w1ll!" B1FF stated as he began air boxing, "Th0se Phr34ks w0n't
kn0w wh4t h1t th3m!!"

	"Pika!" exclaimed Phreakachu, extending his middle finger.

	"N0, n0t U, Phreakachu, 1 w4s t4lk1ng ab0ut th0s3 h4ppy h4ppy s1ngs0ng too g0od for
r34l 4n1m4t10n 4ssh0l3s!!!!"  B1FF began shouting, "Y34h!  U h34r m3!!  1 m34n U!!!"

	"That's strange, there's supposed to be a T-Junction in the tunnel here." Vixen stated
as she started fiddling with the map.

	"Also, not that I care or anything, but didn't we pass that animatronic dummy an hour
ago?" Rachael murmured quietly, pointing to what looked to be a moldering corpse.

	"H0ld 0n a s3c, l3t m3 C th4t!" B1FF walked over to where his sister was looking at
the map and promptly grabbed it out of her hands.  He stared at it for a few seconds then
turned it around.  "PH0CK!!!  U'v3 b33n r34d1ng th1s th1ng ups1d3 d0wn!!!"

	"Does that mean we're lost?"  Dave questioned, having just caught up with the
conversation.

	"Humph, Fine.  We'll just have to do a little reconnaissance.  Dave!"  Vixen said as
she quickly regained command of the situation.

 	"Y-Yes?"  Dave mumbled.

	"You're going to go up the next hatch to find out where we are.  If you notice any
Ears, don't let them see you unless you want your skull ventilated."

	"Yes Maam."  Dave stated as he gripped the gun in his hand even tighter.  He began
to move toward the ladder on the wall.  "Ummm, what am I supposed to be looking for?"

	"Just get your ass up there and look around, newbie!"
	"Sheesh!  I'm going, I'm going."  Dave mumbled as he began to climb the ladder.
"What is her problem?"

	"I heard that!  Baka!"

	"Damn."  Dave cursed as he opened the trapdoor in the ceiling.


_______________


	"I don't see anything.  It's too dark."  Dave stated, as he looked around the shaded
room, ready to duck back down the trapdoor at any moment.  "I think I hear something that
sounds like running water though."

	"Anyone have a light he can use?"  Vixen asked, looking around at the others in the
tunnel.

	"Umm...I have a candle, not that it matters."   Rachael mumbled as she generated a
candle from somewhere.  "It's bloodberry scented."

	"Well, it'll have to do.  I'm not giving him our only flashlight.  Now does anyone
have a light?"  Vixen stated as she took the candle from Rachael.

	"Kachu."  Phreakachu stated as it produced a Zippo lighter, and gave it to Vixen.
"Pika, pi chu ka pi."

	"Yeah, Yeah.  I know.  You'll pull out my entrails and use them to strangle the life
out of my wretched body if I should scratch your Zippo."  Vixen quickly flipped the lighter
and lit the candle.  Then handed the lighter back to Phreak.  "Gack...this candle smells like
a dead corpse."

	"Isn't it great!  That scent is one of the most popular.  Err...that is if I cared
anything about popular scents."  Rachael stated as she sniffed the metallic scent coming from
the candle.

	"Yeah.  Whatever.  Hey Dave!  Here's a candle!"  Vixen moved to the ladder and handed
the candle up to Dave. 

	"A candle?  What ever happened to that flashlight?"  Dave's voice echoed from above as
he took the candle.  "Oww, Damn it, I burned myself."

	"As if I'd trust you with a flashlight."

	"Yet you trust me with a gun?"

	"Shut up and tell us what you see up there, newbie."

	Dave sighed, "Yes, Maam."  He then proceeded to lift up the candle to look around.
"I see what looks to be a sort of river to my left."

	"Mu5t b3 0n3 0f th3 b04t r1d3s."  B1FF put in.

	"Also, to my right the seems to be some sort of miniature windmill."  Dave continued,
"Wait!  I see something moving near the windmill.  It looks like another animatronic, a short
deformed girl with wooden shoes."

	"Hmmm.river, windmill, little deformed children...Oh Shit!  Dave get down here now!!!"
Vixen screamed up at Dave as she moved away from the ladder.

	"Wh4t 1s 1t s1s? "  B1FF asked after seeing the panicked look on his sister's face.
"D0 U kn0w wh3r3 w3 R?"

	"Yeah, I know where we are.  We're in the Magic Kingdom, under the most heinous
psychological torture device known to man.  We're under It's a Small World."  Vixen stated, a
feeling of doomed calm falling over her.

	"Hey!  I think I hear something.  It sounds like singing."  Dave began as suddenly the
lights turned on above him.  "The lights just turn...What the..?"

	"Cover your ears!"  Vixen screamed as she brought her hands to her ears.

	"...Whatever."  Stated Rachael, as she leaned against the tunnel walls.


_______________


	Dave had only ever faced one thing like it.  The way the nice sweetness stuck to your
brain.  The way it turned your insides to mush and canceled all rational thought.  When he was
but five years old his tribe, the Pop Rocks, had raided the nearby tribe of Barney's Friends.
There he had heard music nearly as sweet and sticky as the song he heard now.  Luckily most of
the Pop Rocks were so deaf from the music they listened to constantly, that they had little
trouble wiping out the Barney's Friends.  

	"AHHH!!!  It's inside my head!  Get it out!  Get it out!"  Dave screamed as the cute
happy music wormed its way into his skull.  "Not again!  Never again!"

	"It's a small world after all..."  The music continued on, working it's evil torture.

	Sounds of gunfire echoed from the tunnels below.  "I will not give in!  Shit!  The
music must have gotten to Phreakachu!  It's acting cute!  I will not give in to the love my
fellow neighbors propaganda.  It won't work in this world!"  Vixen ranted, "It would just mean
an early death.  Though, my nieghbors arn't that bad.  NO!  I will not give in! I will not..."
Vixen rambled as she passed out.

	"Pikachu."  Phreakachu said as he frolicked around merrily, "Pika..."

	"5h1t!  Vixen 4nd Phreak h4v3 f41nt3d, 4nd I won't stand very much longer.  I'm already talking
normal!  I feel..." Biff said as he too passed out.

	"...whatever"  Rachael stated as she looked down at the three passed out otaku.  "As if
a song is going to make me care about this shithole of a world."

	"It's a world of laughter, a world of..." continued the music.

	"This...is...not...going...to...stop...ME!"  Dave shouted as he lept to his feet.  "I
have the power of anime burning in my veins!  The power of cheesy streotypes. of ultra-violence,
of sappy romances, giant mechs and crazy confusing plotlines!  I have the power of Shinto Demon
hunters(even though I live in what once was America), of hentai, of bishounens, of magical girls
and long drawn out self-rightous speeches such as the one I am now saying!  I have Anime on my
side!!!   And you have nothing!!!  Bonzai!!!"  Dave shouted, and with that he pulled out his gun
and started taking out the speakers which belted out the horrid song.

	"Ummm..Dave?  The other three have passed out if you care."  Rachael called from below,
"I sure don't."

	"HAHAHAHA!!! Hahahahaha..."  Dave laughed fanaticly as he continued shooting.  The gun
began clicking as it ran out of bullets.  "hahahaha...?"  Dave stopped as he realized only
silence surrounded him.  "Umm...yeah, be down in a second."


_______________ 


	"Wha?"  Vixen mumbled as she clowly regained conciousness.  "Where am I?"

	"Dave stopped the song, and is scouting the area right now."  Rachael said as she sipped
the mochachino latte expresso vanella blend she aquired from the snack bar.  "The shooting and
shouting alerted the Ears.  It's only a matter of time untill we are freed from this loathsome
existstance."

	"Why are you always so down on everything?"

	"I...am a nihilist!!!"  Rachael stated with a passion

	"And...wait a second.  Did you say that the Ears were alerted?!?!"

	"Yeah."

	"Oh shit!  Wake up B1FF and Phreakachu!!  Let's prepare for battle."  Vixen stated as she
handed Rachael a gun.  "Do you know how to use one of these?"

	"In this day and age, of course I know how to use a gun."  Rachael quipped, "I'd have to
be dead or incompatant to not know."

	"Piiikaa..."  Phreakachu stated as it rose from conciouness, "PIKA!!!"

	"I don't care how big your hangover is!  We have to get ready to fight!  Now where is
that baka Dave?"  Vixen said as she began to shake B1FF awake.

	"That 'Baka' just saved your lives!"  Dave replied as he climbed down from the hatchway
above, "The Ears are going crazy, it's only a matter of time before they come down here and find
us."

	"Uhhh...Wh4t th3 Ph0ck ju5t h4pp3n3d?  Wh3r3 R w3?"  B1FF muttered as he slowly rose
from his slumber.  "D1d 1 ju5t h3r3 s0m3th1ng ab0ut Ears?

	"Yeah, they're about to attack!  Get up and get ready to defend yourself.  You're
carrying our supply of C4."  Vixen commanded as she started up the ladder.  "Come on all of you,
let's strike a blow for Otaku kind."

	"Umm...from what I've heard of the definition of otaku, arn't the Ears Disney-Otaku?"
Rachael questioned.

	"Otaku is a term of respect for Kami-sama's chosen people!"  Dave shouted, still in an
anime fanatic's rage..  "It will never be attributed to pig-dogs like the Ears!  For Anime!"
Dave jumped onto the ladder and begain to climb, chanting the whole way.

	"Pika?"

	"Y34h, wh4t th3 Ph0ck g0t 1nt0 h1m?"  B1FF responded as he followed Phreakachu up the
ladder.  "H3's 5t4rt1ng t0 5c4r3 m3!"

	"...Whatever."  Rachael mummered as she followed the Otaku Strike Team up the ladder,
"It's not as though I care."


_______________


	The remains of the 'It's a Small World' attraction lay strewn about as the five people
climbed out of the hatchway.  The animatronic's were in shambles and the building wasn't in
much better condition.  The roof was beginning to sag, and the river had been diverted into
a small crater caused by some falling rubble.

	Vixen moved stealthily over the ravaged terrain, looking for a good place to hold a last
stand.  "B1FF, take cover over here, we don' want our C4 used if we can help it.

	"R0g3r"

	Phreakachu get to a high position and ready yourself to launch.

	"Chu!"

	"Dave, I want you to cover me as I launch the attack."

	"Yes commander!"

	"Rachael I want you to back me and Dave up."

	"...whatever."

	"Ok, everybody ready!"  Vixen questioned "Ok.  Let's show them what the true power of
anime is!"

	"Bonzai!"  Dave shouted as he raced for the exit to It's a Small World.  "Those Disney
bastards are gonna die!!!"

	"Dave!  Wait!!!"  Vixen shouted as she chased after the crazed True Otaku.

	Phreakachu began to climb up to the top of the building as B1FF moved to a defensive
position.  Rachael walked slowly up to the door that Vixen and Dave had just dashed through.

	On the other side of the door things wern't quite so calm.  As Dave dashed through the
doors three Ears that had beed waiting in ambush, began firing.

	"I'll take them out!"  he shouted as he began to fire back.  With unreal accuracy he
managed to completely miss all three.  "Die blashphemers!"

	"No!  Dave!"  Vixen shouted as she ran out the door, "Not yet!"

	At the sound of Vixen's voice Dave was distracted for that pivotal second causing one
of the Ears to get a pot shot directly through his chest.  "Argh!"  He screamed as he passed out.

	"NOOOO!!!  DAVE!!!!!"  Vixen roared as an emotion she had never felt before ripped
through her, "You...will...pay...FUCKERS!!!"  With three shots Vixen managed to fell all three
of the Ears.  She moved to where Dave lie on the floor bleeding from a hole in his chest.  
"Dave...I...I..."

	"...Vixen...Did we do well"  Dave stuttered as he fell back into the inky blackness of
unconciouness.

	"...Yes Dave, we did well."  Vixen whispered as she gently picked up Dave's body.  "B1FF
set the charges!  We're getting out of here!"  She said into the comlink.

	"Wh4t!?!  Why?!?  Wh4t 4b0ut Epcot?!?!?!?"

	"Fuck Epcot!"  she shouted  "Sherman, get here now and pick us up!  And I mean NOW!"

	"...Whatever"  Rachael murmered 


_______________


Author's Note:
	I apologize for the poor action scenes.  I found out after I had planned the plot that
I am not very good at writing action.  Hopefully I'll improve over time ^_^.  I was going to
try to sign up for Ultra, but I think I'll practice on a few other fics first.  Hopefully my
writing skills will improve.  Also sorry about the shortness of the piece.  I was planning on
more, but some relatives pulled a suprise visit, and I was forced to help entertain them.  Bah,
holidays.(Just kidding I really do like holidays, just trying to act pessimistic and cynical)

	I hope you liked at least something about this part.  I tried to expand Rachael's
personality a bit,  I'm trying to make her a fanatic nihilist.  Someone who is enthusiastic about
not caring, but as an eternal optimist(Even if I don't sound like one here) I'm not sure how I've
done.  I love hearing feedback, both positive, negative, and ranting.  for without feedback one
cannot grow.  Take care everyone, Toodles ^_^ .

		MarkE