FAQing Hostile:
            Subcultural Mutant Otaku Versus the Mundanes
                                Chapter 8
                             by Mike Thrall, GGS Assassin

                           (Spawned by Twoflower)

Night blanketed the skies in shades of black and lavender, like oil 
bubbling out of grape soda.  A sliver of red marked the moon's ascent in the 
sky, a drop of blood rising out of the day's grave.  Underneath the shadow 
of giant mutant palms, a large tank rolled over the ground of what once was 
Florida, and was now a long, scarred section of earth.
Vixen sighed, and relaxed in her chair in the tank's control section, 
looking over the printouts Sherman had produced.  Her brother was sitting at 
a side panel.  She took a printout in her hands, leaned back, and stared at 
it.  She turned it upside down and looked at it some more.  Then she turned 
it sideways.  Finally she frowned, and tried looking at the other side, 
which was blank.  "Sherman, are you certain you don't know what this means?" 
  She generally seemed frustrated, which is rather akin to saying that 
humans generally seem bipedal.
"Quite assuredly," Sherman replied, "That is a code with which I am 
unfamiliar."
"B1FF, what the hell does this mean?"  She handed off the paper, full of 
tiny groups of letters and numbers over to her brother, who hunched over a 
small monitor.  He grasped it in his large hands, and studied it for a 
minute.  Vixen furrowed her brow, and stared at another sheet.
"Th15 15 k0d3, 515. U kn0w, l1k3 c0mpUt3r k0d3."  B1FF handed back the 
paper, and went back to staring at the screen.  Vixen was still examining 
the five sheets which had been salvaged from a DVD at Otakuland.  Luckily it 
was a data DVD, with some of the information from the day of Otakuland's 
destruction.  Most was the reports of the head Otaku, but the last thing on 
the disk was the five pages of these numbers and letters.
"Computer code," a vexed Vixen replied, "hmm.. I wonder why it is on here." 
  She turned towards her brother.  "Can't you read this stuff? You're on the 
net so often, you must have picked up some of it."  B1FF just shook his 
head.
"S0rry b4b3, 1 0nly d0 JPEGz.  Phr34king 15n't my th1ng."
"I thought you said that you were a. phr34k," Vixen said slowly, trying to 
accent the alphanumerics properly.
"N0p3, 1 541d 1 w4s 4 5Up3rphr34k.  Th4ts d1ff3r3nt."
Vixen cursed at the paper.  "Damn.. but that gives me an idea.. B1FF, 
remember how the Trekkies said that someone invaded our technology? The 
LARGO system was all computerized.  I don't think anyone could have broken 
into the main defense room, with all the guards around it.  It must have 
been hacked, and I don't think the ears can do that.  What we've got to find 
out is who hacked us."  B1FF nodded at the screen in front of him.
"50undz g00d t0 m3 515.  U kn0w wh3r3 w3 g0tt4 g0 th3n.  W3 n33d t0 g0 f1nd 
50m3 h31p fr0m NEOk1bo."  Vixen agreed with her brother.
"But how are we going to do that? No one knows where NEOk1bo is, or who he 
or she is.  Silicon Valley got fried when California got rocked with the 
seismic weapons. Its just wastelands and water there now."  She pounded a 
leather-gloved fist into her palm.
"Wh4t 4b0ut 534tt13?" Biff remarked.  Vixen hmmmed, and brought up a small 
computer map. "5Ur3 1ts f4r, bUt 1 h34r 1ts wh3r3 411 th3 phr34k3rz h4ng 
0ut.  4nd 1 h34r th3r3 4r3 r1ght30u5 b4b3z th3r3."  He sounded distracted.
"Yeah, you're right, that is a good bet. Its going to be one hell of a trip 
though."  She enlarged the state of Florida on the screen.  "In the 
meanwhile, we're stuck with no internet access, since we can't go through 
the Otakuland server. All we've got is basic local wireless detection and 
radio."  She played around with a few buttons, making a small red line 
meander north through Florida.  Seattle was a long ways away, and a good 
portion of the territories inbetween were not neutral.  She hadn't heard 
much about what was going on west.  There had been some information given to 
them by allies over the internet, but the clan of NEOk1bo was secretive as 
to their location, and there were no Otaku outposts that she knew about 
anywhere.  The Trekkies had been centralized in the southeast, and 
communications with other tribes was limited.  There were rumours of great 
sparkling chrome cities being built, and a western paradise which reveled in 
the highest technology.  Vixen didn't buy it.  She figured that the west was 
probably as screwed as the rest of the continent.
The door behind Vixen slid open with a thunk as the thick metal plate 
stopped.  Dave slouched into the room, yawning and dragging his feet.  Vixen 
tried to give him a look of dissaproval, but she just couldn't feel properly 
annoyed.  This annoyed her.  Therefore everything was fine, and she glared 
at Dave, who raised an eyebrow in uncomprehension.  He shuffled over to peer 
at a control panel.
"Don't touch that, newbie," Vixen snapped.  "Its delicate instruments, and 
it could be easily damaged!"
"So why do you have your soda sitting on top of it?" Dave pointed out.  
Vixen just snarled, and whipped the can off one of the monitors.  Dave poked 
around some of the little screen, and noticed the map with the little red 
line on it.  "Is that where we're going?"  He looked at Vixen through 
sleep-filled eyes.  "Where is that?  The only geography I learned about was 
the birthplace of Ricky Martin."
"You poor uneducated boy," Vixed grinned wickedly, and gave off a haughty 
OH HOHOHOHOHOO, which echoed across the chamber, dropping Dave like a bag of 
Viz dubs.  He twitched violently on the floor, eyes rolled back.  Vixen 
froze in mid-laugh, hand still half-covering her mouth.
"515, w4tch 1t w1th th4t v01c4 tr1ck.. g1v35 m3 4 ph0ck1ng m1gr4n3."  B1FF 
seemed oblivious to the bundle of seizure behind him.  Instead, he was still 
watching the screen intently, occasionally typing in a couple numbers, or 
tapping the screen.
Dave lay there for a moment.. for two.. three..  Vixen began to wonder if 
she had killed the boy.  Her eyes widened slightly.  Sure, he was a pain, 
but he didn't deserve to have his brain explode.  No one really deserved 
that.  She poked his still form with a boot.
His torso rolled, and his eyes stared up past the ceiling.  Vixen gasped.  
Dave moaned.  Vixen kicked him.
"OOF!"  Dave grabbed at his ribs, and assumed the fetal position.  He began 
to feel that he should not have interrupted Vixen, and should take the 
earliest possibility to return to sleep.  Vixen stood over him, glaring down 
with the fires of anger burning in her eyes.  Dave just looked up like a 
small child watching the large bomb which is falling towards him.
"You baka!  I thought you were hurt or something!!"  Vixen was white with 
rage, and shouting.
"but.. i.. am." Dave rasped, unable to move.  Vixen on the other hand, was 
merely unmoved.  He was whining, and he was the one who interrupted her!  
She grabbed him by the arms, and marched him back out the room, into the 
small bedroom, and flung him towards the ground, and stormed out like a 
tsunami.  Dave lay in a half-mangled heap.  He moved his finger, which 
cracked horribly.  Phreakachu, disturbed by the commotion and whiskey in 
paws, twisted and stumbled his way towards Dave.  He gave the kid a glance, 
and offered him the rest of his bottle.
Satisfied, Vixen settled back in her chair with a little "hmph!"  She 
folded her arms across her chest, and turned her nose up in the air.  
"Sherman," she announced in a leaderly voice, "set this general course, and 
proceed at normal speeds!"  She looked around to see any reaction.  B1FF 
continued fooling around with the screen.
"Brother, what exactly are you doing?" Vixen enquired.  B1FF didn't look up 
to answer.
"Pl4y1ng 4 g4m3 1 f0und.  Ch3ck 1t 0ut."  Vixen walked over to peer over 
B1FF's shoulder.  On the screen was a small trivia question, three answers, 
and an anime girl, taking her shirt off.  "1f U g3t th3 qu35t10n, th3 b4b3 
5tr1p5.  D0n't U th1nk Ry0k0-ch4n 1s cut3?"  He tapped his finger on one of 
the answers, and the anime girl took off another piece of clothing.  Vixen 
quickly crept away.

****************

The sun crawled up, like a hangover through tequila clouds.  At Disneyland, 
a crowd of gun-toting Ears had gathered around at the open square near the 
gates.   They formed a semicircle around a large object, roughly twenty feet 
high, and covered entirely by dull-grey cloth.  A soft chanting began behind 
the Ears, who parted to give space to the three figures approaching.  A pair 
of ear-wearing cloaked men walked towards the object in syncronization, 
chanting and waving their arms about.  Behind them strode a figure with a 
Disney bedsheet wrapped around him as a cloak, and wearing a giant Mickey 
Mouse head to conceal his featured.  He carried plush dolls with him.
The two men ahead of him stopped several paces in front of the giant 
object, and knelt reverently, allowing the other man to pass.  He walked a 
full circle around it, and then turned to address the crowd.  As he stopped, 
the oversized Mickey Mouse head wobbled, and slid to the left of his 
shoulders.  Overcorrecting the weight, the figure stumbled around, getting 
caught up in the bedsheet, and met the ground head on with a large thud.  
One of the ears snickered behind his mask.
"Who was that!!"  The sheeted man was wobbily getting back up.  The Mickey 
Mouse head was on backwards, and he turned around several times trying to 
get see.  One of the two kneeling men got up, and delicately adjusted the 
giant head.  The sheeted man whacked him across the face with a plushie, and 
the man kneeled back down compliantly.
"Who was that!!  Answer me now!!"  The sheeted man's voice sounded like a 
rat on cocain.  "Tell me, or I'll have you all sent to the dungeon!"  He 
stomped up and down in place, prompting several more chuckles from within 
the crowd.  "I hear you!  All be silent or face my wrath!"  The man 
screeched and squeaked, trembling in anger.  The Ears began laughing aloud, 
pointing at the absurd spectacle of a man in a bedsheet and Mickey Mouse 
head bouncing up and down on the soil and swearing.
"Thats it," the man squealed, and pulled out an uzi.  He spread lead 
through the crowd, causing several to hit the ground and bleed.  When the 
gun stopped spitting bullets, a silence swept the remaining Ears.  One of 
them coughed uncomfortably.  "Damn right," the sheeted man said, swaggering. 
  "You all don't mess with me.  I will smack your ass down"  The giant mouse 
head rotated, searching for any signs of disrespect.  When he seemed sure, 
he turned back, and made a little 'ahem'.
"You come here today to witness the revival of your brother!  The ones 
known as Otaku have annoyed us!  Their fortress may be destroyed, but some 
still crawl like big-eyed cockroaches, across this country.  Fear not!  For 
today you shall see the vehicle of our revenge!"  With this, the man seized 
a handful of the cloth covering the large object, and yanked.  And yanked, 
and yanked, and began to dig his heels into the ground and pull back.  Hey, 
it was a big piece of cloth.
Finally, it was revealed, the sun glinting off it's polished chrome and 
steel.  The creature was gigantic, dull red eyes, flesh and steel meshing 
together, buzz saw arm, and a V6 for a heart.  On the top of its shiny head, 
the remains of a tattered mouse ear fluttered in the breeze.  The Big Cheese 
had been rebuilt.
It was a slightly less than magnificent sight, ranking rather on the end of 
unusual.  The sheeted man was standing, holding both plushies up to the sky 
in triumph.  "By the right head of Donald, and the left head of Goofy, I 
bless you!  Return to us oh great warrior!"  At this cue, the two kneeling 
men each got up and took places at the sides of the Cybercheese.  They 
planted a foot each upon it's legs, and pulled the starter cord.
The mighty engine started up with a rumble, and a roar like a chainsaw.  
The great beast swayed too and fro, and raised its arms up in defiance of 
death.
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  Its voice set dust clouds 
up.  The sheeted man pumped each hand up in the air, shouting with the 
Cybercheese.  The assembled troops shouted too, although whether in awe or 
terror, it was hard to say.  The Cybercheese bellowed on, beating its own 
chest.
"Great warrior," cried the sheeted man, "go forth and destroy our enemies 
who have wronged you!"
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  The Cybercheese roared 
again.  Then it stopped.  It did not move.
"Uhm," the sheeted man attempted, hesitant, "..great warrior? You must-"
"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHH!!!"
"But-"
"GRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHH!!!"
The sheeted man stood there, unsure of what to do.  Then the Cybercheese 
grabbed him off the ground, and he decided to scream.  The two attendants 
backed off.  This was not in the ceremony schedule.  The Ears looked at each 
other, nervously fingering their weapons.
"GRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACRUNCH-CRUNCH-CRUNCH!"  The Cybercheese 
had his captive's large mouse head in a large set of bear traps which 
happened to be his teeth, and was chewing on it like a gobstopper.  The 
attendants had figured out that the sheeted man had a pretty good plan in 
screaming, and decided to improvise a bit of running as well.  The Ears were 
now arming themselves, each nervously waiting for someone to shoot, and each 
wondering just how many bullets this thing could take.
"Screw this," one remarked, "that poopy-head got what he deserved.  Lets 
go."  Those around him gasped, shocked.
"You said.. poopy-head,"  one breathed.  He turned away from the 
pottymouth, wondering if he should go tell Uncle Mickey.  He backed away 
slowly.
"But he's right," agreed another, "that guy was just a farty-face."  More 
gasps, but also a few muttered approval.  Most of them left, listening to 
the crunching sounds of their former leader, as his head was being reduced 
to a tasty pulp.  The rest of the Ears just stood around looking at each 
other, in disbelief of what they're comrades had just said.

****************

From a gleaming white tower window, a pair of figures watched the scene.  
Their features, as well as their surroundings were concealed by layers of 
shadow, which revealed nothing.
"Destroy it," the first said offhandedly.  "It is worthless."
"Yes, lord," replied the other in a curt voice.
"It is time to end this hunt on the Otaku as well.  It is a waste of effort 
to swat a fly with a hammer.  Besides, it is like finding a thumbtack in a 
large vat of cottage cheese."
"A needle in a haystack you mean perhaps lord?"
"You heard what I said," the first figure said firmly.
"Yes lord," the other sweatdropped.
"I expect the search and destroy orders to be called off immediately.  Oh, 
and one last thing."
"Yes lord?"
"Get rid of all these damned concealing shadows in this room.  I can't see 
a blasted thing.  Where is the door?"  There was a muffled thump, and a loud 
curse.
"Its.. over here lord."

****************

Meanwhile, Sherman and the team were pinned down by a group of Ears.  They 
had ambushed the tank, flanking it from each side in small ATV's, and 
managed to race it into a dead end.  Sherman was trapped, large heaps of 
twisted metal and debris to three side, and a team of gunners to the fourth. 
  Some Ears had begun to climb up the sides of refuse and fire down at the 
tank from cover.
"Dave, you're going out," Vixen announced, handing him a pistol.  Dave 
stared at it, eyes wide with fear.
"But.. but.." Dave tried to protest, "I'm not feeling so good today, and I 
don't think I can aim, and my old 
battlewoundisactingupandIjustchangedmyunderwea-"  Vixen booted him out of 
Sherman, pistol barely gripped in hand.  She sighed, grabbed an AK-47, and 
headed out after him.
Dave crouched beside the tank's treads, muttering to himself.  "I mustn't 
run away. I mustn't run away."  A bullet pinged off the tank, and buried 
itself near his feet.  A rising wave of righteous anger began climbing from 
somewhere below his navel.  "Oh no..," he muttered, "I mustn't go berserk. I 
mustn't go berserk.. I am not bulletproof. I am not a chosen warrior of the 
kami. I am a small kid with a gun.. I am.. I am."  It was too late.  He was 
swept away in fervor.  His hands swung the pistol from target to target, 
squeezing the trigger.  "For the Fukuuuuuuuu!!!"  His voice resounded off 
the giant walls of trash, frightening several rats, but having no effect 
upon the Mice.  Bullets rang off slag and girders, missing their targets 
completely.  On the other side of Sherman, Vixen was gunning them down 
ruthlessly.
"Damn," she shouted, as her gun jammed.  "We've gotta get out of here."  
Dave turned his head for one fatal moment.  His gun bucked, and a bullet 
flew forth.  IT hit a large metal plate, and ricocheted wildly, hitting a 
dozen or so spots before coming to rest in the skull of an Ear.  Dave looked 
back.
"I got one," he cried, ecstatic.  His courage redoubled, halving his 
accuracy.  He squeezed off a few more shots, before noticing he had spent 
his last round.  Hastily, he fooled with the loading mechanism.
"515!"  B1FF's voice came through the walkie-talkies.  "W3'r3 g0nn4 bl0w 
0ur w4y 0utt4 h3r3!!"
"Ok!  Dave, hurry your ass back into the tank!"  Dave paused.  Was that 
concern in Vixen's voice?
Vixen paused.  Was that concern in her voice?
Both of them decided that she must just be concerned about herself, and 
jumped back into Sherman.  The tank fired its massive cannon, atomizing the 
two ATVs, and all the little Ears inside it.  The tank roared out, zooming 
away at top speed.
Behind at the scene the Ears started counting their casualties.  "Damn," 
commented one.  "We got wasted."  One rather short Ear was making little 
sniffy noises on top of the corpse of another.
"C'mon Evan," another said to him.  "I'm sorry about your brother.  Its 
life, right?"  The short one, Evan, didn't seem to take this as good 
compensation.  He continued to sniff, fighting back tears.  "We're moving 
out.  We just got the orders, no more hunting Otaku.  Back to DL with us."
"What?!" Cried out Evan.  "No more hunting them!  No!!!  I've gotta kill 
the one who killed my brother!"
"Sorry," his partner replied.  "Orders are orders."
Evan ripped off his Ear mask revealing well cut features, blue eyes and 
blond hair in long bangs.  "No way!"  He kicked his partner in the stomach, 
sending the Ear toppling down the garbage pile.  "No way I'm going to let 
that kid get away after killing my brother!  I renounce Disney!! I renounce 
Mickey!!!"  His screamed proclamations spread out through the scene.  He 
grabbed his guns, and ran past the remains of the ATVs, grabbing a backpack 
from the smouldering remains.  Whoever that kid was.. Dave. he would pay.

*******************

A couple hours later, on the edge of what used to be the state's boundary, 
Sherman ground to a halt.  The hatch opened, and Dave, Vixen and Rachael 
walked out to get a breath of fresh air.  Dave wandered off, like the young 
naïve boy he was, while the two females leaned back on Sherman.
"Stupid kid," Vixen swore.  "He's bound to get killed soon.  Oh well."  
Vixen giggled.
"Yeah, but I think he's kinda cute.. you don't?" She asked innocently, eyes 
sparkling.
"Cute?!"  Vixen sputtered.  "Like hell!  He's a stupid kid.  If he were to 
die right now, it would be a relief to me!!"
"Oh.." replied Rachael.  "Well, I think he is kinda cute.  I dunno, you 
think the two of us would look cute together?"
"You can do whatever you damn well wish with him," Vixen spat, "I don't 
care."
"Ok!" Rachael smiled.  "We'll see what happens!"  She smiled secretly, 
gazing through devious eyes at her victim.  Vixen paused, and wondered if 
she really thought all that she had said.
Dave had gone off to heed the call of a greater force than man.  He stood 
in front of the tree, and did what he did, whistling the opening theme to 
Evangelion.  When he was done, he turned around, and headed back to the 
tank.  Theoretically.  However this theory did not take into account the 
tall well muscled figure which was standing behind him.  Dave looked at the 
man's face, and did a doubletake.  That skin. those eyes. he was a. a.
"Konnichi wa," the figure said.  Dave fainted.

********************

When he came too, the man was seated under a tree, carving away at a branch 
with a small Japanese dagger.  Which suited his Japanese features, and 
Japanese language.  Dave rubbed his eyes.  The man was still there.  He was 
clad in a tight fitting night-blue suit, and had a long black sword sheathed 
behind him
"Wh- who- who are.." he stuttered.
"hiro," the man answered simply.
"Hiro?" Dave questioned.  It certainly was a Japanese name.
"No, hiro." The man said.  Dave blinked.  "Don't capitalize the h." hiro 
continued.
"But I was.. speaking," Dave said, confused.
"Trust me," hiro replied.
"What are you?" Dave said, awe slipping into his voice.  "Are you 
Japanese?"
The man shook his head, amused.  "No, I just had 'the change'.  I'm hiro, a 
Jin.  Its short for Jinruigakusha."  Dave must have looked as confused as he 
felt, so hiro continued.  "I'm of the upper echelon of Otakuland, one of 
those who has been chosen to carry on the esoteric secrets of the lost holy 
land."  He grinned with malice.  "I know the things which would drive you 
insane."  Dave raised an eyebrow.
"You know stuff about Japan?"  His voice was incredulous.  "Like what?"
hiro smiled again.  "Sorry, I'm afraid what I know is Classified SWHD 
material.  But, if you really want to know, I'll tell you one little tiny 
thing."  Dave nodded eagerly, and leaned his head forward.  hiro came up 
next to him and whispered something in his ear.
Dave's scream was heard at the tank.  Rachael looked concerned, but Vixen 
stopped her from moving.  "Probably dead," she reckoned.  "We're better 
off."  However, Dave proved his continued existence by sprinting forth from 
the forest towards Sherman, hiro following like a cat.
"Vixen!!!!!!  Tell me its not true!! Tell me!!"  Vixen didn't know how to 
react.  Dave was on the verge of hysteria.  "He. he.." Dave pointed at hiro. 
  "He said something horrible. he.. he.." Dave stammered, almost unable to 
speak.  "He said that Japanese people liked American pop music!!!"  Dave 
burst into tears.
Vixen looked hiro over.  She didn't know him personally, but had a tiny 
mark on his sleeve, signifying that he was initiated into the higher ranks 
of the (former) Otaku empire.  Vixen had never met one of those people, but 
had heard that their eyes could freeze you in place, and they could change 
their appearances, as well as a dozen other wild rumors.  This one seemed to 
be your regular asshole to her.
"Don't be a baka," Vixen said, annoyed.  "We all know that those of the 
great Japanese nation would never listen to American pop music.  That's the 
stupidest thing I've heard.  Now, who is this man."
"I am hiro," he introduced himself with a bow.  "Pleased to meet you."


***************************************************************
Author's notes:

Oh man.. I had such high hopes for this chapter, too.  I was hoping that it 
would be something better than the MGH chapter I wrote a while back, and 
would go out without an extension.  It just turned out to be longer than the 
MGH thing, and lacking in a good amount of humor.  I wasn't in a good enough 
mood when I was writing this to be funny.  Even the other night, I was all 
prepared to loosen up and finish it up and make it funnier.  Then I found 
that someone had already drank my bottle of Baileys.  So much for the 
artistic spirit flowing ^_^ (j/k).  Anyway, yeah.  I think we've reached 
about the limit on characters.. Sorry about introing two new ones in a 
single chapter, (I really didn't want to), but its part of this whole 'arc' 
thing.  Also wanted to deal with currently existing ones more than I did, 
but. anyway, at least I got the push away from Disney.  Send your flames to 
mthrall@gac.edu.  I'm sure I'll be very warm soon.

Assassin

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