A code within a code, but how to find the code? Assuming of course that there really was a code. These thoughts, for the moment, occupied the mind of one otaku by the name of Dave. "Sherman, how would you go about finding out if there was a code within a code?" Dave had hit a blank wall almost immediately trying to find anything new about the faq. And if he didn't find something to occupy his mind soon, then he would just have to go on a Solid Snake sneaking mission to retrieve the last two joints from Phreakachu. After a moment of silence, all Sherman could say was, "Sore Wa ..." Dave sweatdropped. ***** FAQing Hostile SubCultural Mutant Otaku versus the Mundanes Chapter 30 By Cris Gomez (FAQing Hostile spawned by Twoflower) ***** "I'm in." Bill spoke out quietly, but the note of triumph was audible in his voice. "I won." Bill sensed Directress Richards right beside him, just around his peripheral vision. He gulped. For some reason he felt that a hot shower was somehow needed right now. "Good boy," purred the red eyed former directress. "I want an army. Give it to me." She began pacing behind him, gloating in triumph. "Soon, I am going to stomp that purple haired piece of trash to little bits of nothing. And all of her friends too." Bill blinked. ~An army?~ Shrugging, he dutifully began running a search program for all available resources. His hands instinctively seemed to know what override commands were needed and what instructions would be the most useful. ***** In a top secret headquarters somewhere, the Lord of theWares scowled. His command impulses repeatedly kept pressing a conference signal until an icon of a metallic cube appeared onscreen. The LotW wasted no time. "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THAT THE LITTLE PROBLEM YOU SENT ME WAS A NEO. THEY'RE PESTS. I THOUGHT WE AGREED A LONG TIME AGO TO GET RID OF THAT BLOODLINE." The cube mentally muttered, ~I hate it when he sends me voice mail. He's so loud.~ Unseen instruments adjusted the volume control. Then the metallic cube uttered an eerily human chuckle. "Surprise is the zest of life. I thought you would appreciate my little gift. Besides it was your idea to steal the Neo family line from the otaku in the first place." The LotW remained silent for a moment. "There's no need to remind me of that. The otaku, they are beginning to concern me. My reports tell me they seem to be traveling from coast to coast for some mysterious reason. My pawn's hostility to them could be used to my advantage." The cube chuckled again. "See. You didn't even think of the possibilities when you called me. 'E-mail me when you've thought this over." The conference line was abruptly terminated, leaving an annoyed LotW to ponder recent events. "I NEED TO THINK." He accessed a command for the intercom. "GET ME THE CHIEF HIGH PRIEST. I WANT TO SCHEDULE SOME 'TONGUE' TWISTING." The LotW smiled in anticipation of the forthcoming entertainment. ***** Dave nonchalantly walked past the bridge, clutching his copy of the FAQ. Quietly he slipped into Phreakachu's room. Back at the bridge B1ff and Vixen rolled their eyes. "Pika, pikapika pikachuuuu." One massive thunderjolt later, a badly singed Dave was kicked out of the room belonging to a certain yellow rodent. Dave, after having crawled back into his private quarters, lay down flat on the floor and finally asked the fateful question. "Sherman, does the FAQ have any use besides torturing newbies? I mean, all of the stuff here is interesting, but there isn't anything that a devoted otaku wouldn't know already or need to be reminded of. Is this all there is? Or is there an FAQ, which I don't know about? Sherman's voiced piped in from a speaker. "I believe you are referring to the banned FAQ_Hostile." Dave's witty and shocked reply was, "... " ***** A meek, "Excuse me Vixen," caused the aforementioned female to turn around and regard her newbie charge with raised eyebrows. Dave grimly pressed on. "I want to read the real faq, the FAQ_Hostile." "W04h, w04h dud3, wh0 70ld y0u 7h3t?" B1ff turned to a glaring Vixen. "1t w45n't m3 s1s, r34lly." Sherman "coughed." Everbody turned to stare at the sound. Vixen banged an angry fist at a terminal, badly mangling it. "You! Sherman, he's just a newbie. You don't go telling our high level secrets to newbies. He doesn't have the clearance for it." Sherman continued on seemingly unaffected by the danger signals spouting from Vixen's voice. "My apologies Ms. Hiroshima, but I have come to the conclusion that unless Dave is given something beneficial to accomplish, then I believe his physical and mental condition will only continue to deteriorate." Vixen muttered before she could stop herself, "I wouldn't call being a perfect shot a bad thing." Her hand flew to her lips, and then quickly shrugging her words aside, threw her arm wide in a negatory gesture. ~Argh, stupid newbie, what am I going to do? Sherman's got a point, but my Hostile's way too dangerous to leave in Dave's or anyone else's hands.~ Realizing she had to explain things to Dave, Vixen resignedly began. "Listen up newbie, cause I'm only going to explain the FAQ_Hostile to you only once." "Pika pipipika." Phreakachu arrived, and thoughtfully placed a bowl of popcorn at a convenient terminal desk. Dave and B1ff quickly took a share and sat down to listen. Vixen, with an irritated look began. "The ultimate faq, which now has the name FAQ_Hostile is actually a codex of knowledge from all of the otaku scientific lore. Its purpose was to eventually remake the world in to an image of an anime world. Inside the Hostile you could find the formula for chibification, how to become a youma general, a magical girl and more. It was supposed to be used for good. It was supposed to use anime to save the world from itself. But something went wrong." "The Reporter, yes I said reporter." The sudden noise from Dave when she said 'reporter' was annoying. Vixen jabbed an accusing finger Dave's way. "Now, I said keep quiet!" ~ Stupid newbie.~ "The Reporter at that dark time of otaku history was known as Sagato. No one knows why he did it, but one day he destroyed all copies of the FAQ_Hostile except one, his own. He fled to the wastes, founded his own tribe, the geneticists. They decided to create unique monsters using the Hostile. Sort of like how phreakachu was made only the monsters were really strange. He called them mazoku. Then, with their monsters, they attacked Otakuland. But Sagato underestimated our ancestors. " "We were stronger back then. People with saiyan hair, and psychics with the akira syndrome, although rare, were still part of our small, but powerful army. Sagato didn't know what hit him. Still, entire branches of anime science were destroyed before we managed to finally defeat him leaving otakuland a shadow of its former glory. In the end, the only complete source of anime science left was the ultimate faq, which we took back from Sagato. On that day, our ancestors renamed it the FAQ_Hostile because it was too dangerous too keep, but too valuable to destroy. They then cut it into seven pieces and scattered the pieces all over the place." Dave's disappointed voice interrupted her. "But Sherman said you had a copy." Vixen, with a 'Why me?' look upwards replied. "It's only a bootleg copy and it covers only one subject. I was hoping to use it to reverse my uhm, problem." Dave was getting desperate when a light bulb flashed in his brainpan. "But you didn't have any luck with it, did you? Maybe you need a 'Reporter' to look at it. Maybe I can find something for you, if you let me study it?" Dave hoped he sounded sincere enough. He didn't really know why he wanted the FAQ_Hostile. Maybe the fact that he had wasted so much time on the fake faq, or maybe he really just needed something to do or he would go crazy from drug deprivation. Vixen kept silent for long, long time. ~A reporter? What is he talking about? He can't be... hmm?~ Dave started to sweat. Phreakachu wandered off. Finally, grudgingly she nodded. "I'll have Sherman scan it, and make you a copy." ~And while he's doing that, I'll also have him auto- translate it into Japanese just for you. Ha!~ When Vixen flashed him a wide smile, Dave suddenly felt really uncomfortable. ***** On a flat mesa under a cloudy sky they waited. Directress Richards stalked around impatiently in circles. A garish, red trenchcoat and shiny, dark boots along with her evil, red, cybernetic eye made her a striking figure. Waiting quietly nearby was Bill. He was dressed all in black. Anybody around, who may have watched the pre-apocalypse movie The Matrix, would have noted that his clothes seemed a very close copy to that of Neo, the only exception although not obvious was a patchwork of gray armor w/ blue highlights he wore underneath his clothes. His face also seemed to have gained a measure of confidence. A small band of restless minions, and purple-green humanoid mutants completed the scene on top of the plateau. Then the engine whine started. It lasted for a few minutes before the huge supercarrier aircraft landed. The double cargo bay doors then opened, and Directress Richards army stepped out. The first troops were a bit disappointing, Extras armed with sundry weapons, and riding various vehicles. Nevertheless Directress Richards seemed to perk up when her minion's numbers kept on increasing, and increasing. Then sudden noise of thunder from the depths of the hold caused her to suddenly snap to attention. It was huge and levitated off the ground. It was even bigger than Sherman. The directress felt like drooling when she saw the triple barreled main gun. She asked. "What do I call it?" Bill, a wide grin on his face replied. "Why don't you ask it?" The newly reinstated directress looked up curiously. "Tank, what should I call you?" The thunder rumbled. "ROMMEL." ***** "Yes sir, we are about to begin the insertion as soon as we have determined the best template to use, yes sir, over, out." Agent Doe pocketed his cellphone and turned to the disguised agent Hancock. "Now try again, and this time throw it properly." Agent Hancock dressed in blue jeans, white shirt, red jacket, blonde wig and a red cap gazed at the sky in what would best be described as a 'pose'. "It looks like a storm is coming." Then he threw his cap dramatically into the air. The red cap flew with grace several feet away, where it was quickly picked up by a passing dust devil and carried off. Agent Boy cried out. "No, the cap. It's our last one." Agent Doe made a desperate grab for it, missed, and ate the dusty desert floor. "Ouwf, after it. The cactus, it's ripping it. Somebody- " Agent Hancock cried out in despair as the cap was slashed to ribbons. "Lily, nooooo." A disconsolate agent Boy spoke up. "Well, that's that." Agent Hancock turned to his companions. "Andy, Mai, I couldn't save her." He then struck a battle pose at the cactus. "I won't forgive you." After a pregnant silence, agent's Boy and Doe began kicking agent Hancock into the ground. ***** Author's notes: Urk! Boss arrived, I can't stay to continue this. Gotta submit this right now. I won't have access until 2hours after the deadline. Apologies for the small size, that's all. Cris Gomez