GIRLS WITH GUNS or how I learned to love the bomb, and what it can do to creatures of the deep The probably improbable adventures of Improfanfic's mascots This chapter was written by a lot of coffee. Chapter 6: Anticlimax? But Something Needs To Be Blown Up! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #666: Cthulu (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10.) Intelligence: 20 Age: Let's just say he's older Reflexes: 20 than any of you Technical: 2 Measurements: It resembles a male; do you Body: 20 really want to know? Looks: -5 Blood Type: Green Charisma: Doesn't need it Favourite Food: Human souls Cool: Not really Least Favourite Food: Health food Luck: Down on it Hobbies: Devouring the souls of the weak lambs of this world, being awake Psi: Background: The much maligned creature of the nether world, worshipped by creatures of the deep across the world. Long perturbed at the negative press he'd been getting due to the incompetence of most of his underlings, he was quite happy to have finally been awoken. Unfortunately, his bride-to-be, Jodi Foster, had immediately filed for divorce upon the eve of his ascension. After a long, protracted court case, Jodi was awarded half his stake upon the astral plane, and monthly alimony payments of five human souls, preferably Democrats. Cthulu was left with a severed connection to the powers of the deep, and a lot of disgruntled, disillusioned followers who'd really been looking forward to taking over the world. They largely stopped following him soon afterwards, forming the cult of Hello Cthulu in his wake. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "You know," commented Aika, "I thought the business cards were handy, but these player sheets really kick ass. It saves time on our making any probing questions into a target's personality, and lets us get right into the good stuff!" Becky would have responded, but meeting Cthulu face-to-face after so long was bringing back some of her fondest friends. [It's a magical creature of great evil! We must destroy the menace!] internalized her magical girl side... [It's a biological weapon that could be of great interest if we could study it...] pondered her CIA/MIB side... ...which was moot, given that her normal side's immediate reaction was [Eww, ick!], and was in control of her gun hand at the time. Nearly half a dozen armour-piercing bullets had imbedded themselves in the pavement around Cthulu° before her MIB side took over her other hand, and began struggling with the gun hand. After a few moments of wrestling, Becky's MIB-controlled hand decided to take a different tact, and applied the Vulcan nerve pinch to her shoulder. Aika was too busy watching Becky in confusion to notice Cthulu quietly walking/ crawling/slithering... _whatever_ it was doing - away. However it went, it went fast, sending pages of newspaper flying all over the street. It was well out of sight by the time Becky had crumpled to the ground. Aika looked between her prone partner, and the trail of slime leading down the street Cthulu had fled down. Her partner needed help. Her nuclear bomb still hadn't found it's final home. Indecision would have gripped any person in this situation*. It took Aika little time to toss her nuclear toy aside, and rush to her partner's side. After all, this was the first person she had met who actually _understood_ her love of heavy weaponry; the first person who didn't look at her strangely, and mention tight white jackets and padded rooms. Of course, Aika's specialty was explosives and high ordinance, not first aid. She tried slapping her cheeks a bit, but hat didn't work; she splashed water in her face - no dice. Minutes later, Becky was still unconscious, and possibly in worse condition. Aika scanned the surrounding area to look for anything that might help her - and saw a gun store. "Oh my god! Is that really a vintage 20's 'Untouchables' tommygun?" Aika's face was pressed full against the glass, her breath fogging up the Window not unlike hentai in front of a brassiere shop. Becky, in spite of her Comatose state, was drooling. *** Well, her normal persona never had any gun training... Of course, most people wouldn't have been in this situation to begin with. Although, it might have been _because_ she was comatose. *** Cthulu did stop walk.. slith.. moving, until it had reached the nearest park, and dove into the nearest body of water. Of course, this was a water fountain, so the concept of subtlety, stealth, and hiding became very moot. Cthulu's prone body lay floating in the pool, slime oozing through his clothes, seeping into the water supply, and gumming up the fountain system. This displeased a certain avian who was perched nearby to no end. *** Becky came out of her stupor, slowly and painfully, to the vision of Aika salivating at a window. She ignored this long enough to sit up, a vantage point from which she felt her brain might actually work. If it didn't care to stage another coup, that is. As she sat there dazed, her eyes set upon the paper Cthulu had tried hawking to them. She became much more awake when she read the date. "What do you mean it's Monday?!" *** Cthulu awoke from his slumber strapped› to the floor of what looked to be a small tree house. A small girl looked at him sadly from across the room, shaking her head. "You shouldn't have been so careless. He doesn't like it when people are careless. People get... hurt, when they're careless." The girl whispered. Cthulu gibbered to itself silently. Life had not been easy for it since The Divorce. Being severed from the power of the deep had left it with the Potential for great destruction and reaping of souls, but little ability to tap into said potential. Cthulu didn't like being weak. And it really didn't like gibbering. But it couldn't really help it at the moment. The outline of a disturbingly large avian standing at the door nearby was _really_ freaky. *** If you care to imagine that in some hentai way, the mental anguish it might cause is no fault of mine. *** Author's notes: Well, that didn't work too well. I'm obviously far too rusty at the fanfic thing, and my lack of knowledge of Aika didn't help either, I'm sure. Hopefully my fate for Cthulu and Jodi Foster doesn't go against DG continuity too much. But then again, maybe it's a good thing if it does. :) I must apologize for the lateness. No excuses, I was just out of sorts and disorganized. Hopefully this wasn't _too_ horrible a chapter. Any comments/flames/death threats cheerfully received at: mikado@maison-otaku.net Give a hoot all! Don't wind up like poor Cthulu! ...unless you're into that kind of thing.