GIRLS WITH GUNS, or Stop Staring At My Follicles, Dammit!!!

The Adventures Of A Blind Boy & His Pet Lamprey, Or ImporoFanfic's Mascots, 
Depending On Whom You Ask.

By: Jen, of all people. (Glitrgobln@aol.com)

The Craziness Comes From: Improfanfics http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic/

Episode Seven: Oh My God, They Killed Cthulu!

Author's Notes: Crap. I hate my computer.

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MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #405: Woodsy Owl
(All statistics are rated from 1 to 10.)
Intelligence: 7         Age:39
Reflexes: 9             Body: 6
Technical: 4            Blood Type: O
Gender:male             Favourite Food: The mangled flesh of a would-be polluter
Looks: -1
Cool: Not really        Least Favourite Food: Anything with excess packaging
Luck: Neutral           Hobbies: Keeping parks & woodlands clean, & punishing
                                 those would have it any other way.

Background: Not much is known about the seven foot owl's past, though generally 
perceived to be a shady one. He was born in 1970, & encouraged youngsters to 
help clean up their neighbourhoods. After losing popularity in the late 1980s to 
his rival McGruff the Crimefighting Dog, Woodsy fell into a depression, 
eventually becoming addicted to morphine & life savers. In the last few years he 
has kicked his habits, & become even more focused on his clean campaign after a 
drug-induced hallucination. Woodsy is suspected to be the perpetrator of several 
murders, including that of the "Crying Indian" guy. 
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"Well, what have we here, Hekieki-chan?"

"An Elder God?" she answered, nervously.

"We have a polluter!! Someone who has disturbed the purity of our park's 
fountain!" Woodsy stepped into the dim light of the treehouse, continuing his 
diatribe. "Someone who must be punished for the vile act he has committed." The 
owl positioned a talon over Cthulu's skull. "Someone who won't be destroying the 
sanctity of our neighbourhood again." 

Cthulu swallowed, nervously, & wished he was still back in R'leyh.

***

"Dammit!" exclaimed Becky. After losing Cthulu's trail last night, she & Aika 
had went their separate ways (Aika opting to attempt to break into the gun shop 
she had regained conciousness next to, Becky deciding to stagger back to her 
home before passing out halfway up the stairs) after agreeing to meet the next 
day after classes. Then Becky had to wake up with a headache throbbing in time 
to Mr. Sunshine's Pink Purity mix of the Cheery Crystal Knight's new single. She 
had continued about her morning, only to arrive at school & discover that it had 
been cancelled, or everyone who attended her school had died in the night. She 
decided to assume the latter, & perked up considerably. She then went home, & 
promptly went to bed.

Becky was awaken by the incessant ringing of the phone. She answered it 
groggily, "Moshi moshi?"

"It's Saturday!" Aika declared from the other end. 

"WHAT?!"

***

Aika paced around her living room, dodging silencers, clips, & other destructive 
goodies. "What the hell is going on with the days?! No one else seems to realize 
it!"

Becky sipped her Jolt, & mused, "Maybe Cthulu...Kthulu...Cuthulu - whatever - 
has something to do with it."

Aika stopped in mid-step, inches away from crushing a box of hollow-point 
bullets under her steel toed boot. "Ya think?"

"I wouldn't doubt it. Let's go back to the gun shop & look around. Maybe we'll 
find something there."

Aika turned & grabbed her favorite magnum off the coffee table, loading it as 
she spoke. "Good idea. Let's go."

"Click!" the gun agreed.

***

The girls sat on the lip of the park's fountain, resting. They had followed 
Cthulu's trail of smile to the fountain, where it disappeared into the green 
muck that once was water. "Let's look around thepark, see if we can find any 
more clues."

"Alright, let me finish this." Becky took one last swig of her drink, then set 
the can down on the ground. "Maybe if we--"

Becky was interrupted by the flapping of wings & a large shadow enveloping the 
girls. 

"Tsk, tsk," Woodsy chided. "Shouldn't you you ladies know better than to 
litter?"

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