Girls with Guns chapter Eight. "I always go for A Girl in a Trench Coat!" By Philip Barkow. Thanks to Jonatan Streith for Pre-reading. Aika and Becky looked up as the vaguely avian form cast its shadow over them. "Tsk, tsk," Woodsy chided. "Shouldn't you ladies know better than to litter?" Our heroines turned to face the dark looming of the seven foot tall anthropomorphic owl. Strangely enough he had a distinct greenish tinge, and seemed to be dripping slime. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #535: Cthulu/Woodsy Hybrid Entity Design derived directly from a minor epiphany. Blame my muse. (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10.) Intelligence: 13 Age: Corporeally 39 Reflexes: 15 Spiritually, inconceivably old Technical: 3 Measurements: Do you want to hold Body: 13 the tape measure? Looks: -3 Blood Type: Green Ichor Charisma: None to speak of Favourite Food: The souls of Cool: Not really polluters Luck: Verging on neutral Least Favourite Food: Health food with lots of packaging Hobbies: Devouring the souls of foul polluters Hit points: 47/63 Mana: 25/58 AC: 4 Abilities: -Supernatural being -Environmentalist Mascot -Partier Edible, but tastes like spinach. Available on a rent to own plan. Tap for Negative-Pulchritude Power. Background: After befouling the park water fountain Cthulu was torn to pieces by the fanatic environmentalist, Woodsy. Under normal circumstances, Cthulu would simply reform his body, and then messily shred his opponent. However, having been cut off from the source of his power by his divorce settlement with Jodi Foster, he did not have the energy reserves necessary to do that. In desperation he attempted to possess the nearest individual with a dark soul. The nearest dark soul happened to belong to his attacker, Woodsy. At his full power, Cthulu would have had no trouble completing the possession, Woodsy's dark soul would have been but a drop in the corrupt sea that was the essence of Cthulu. However, weakened as he was, Cthulu found it difficult to overcome the fanatic will of his target. Eventually the psychic battle came to an end. Not in a clear victory for either participant, but in a draw. After crashing their bare egos against each other with all their might, these two forces of evil ceased to exist as separate entities. The resulting entity is currently calling itself Woodsy, and has a clear goal to devour all the world's polluters, body and soul. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "If you two are done reading my player sheet, can I get back to messily devouring your souls?" Woodsy asked impatiently. "As if!" Aika replied, and brought a high caliber firearm to bear. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aki Villyn had been left straightjacketed in the corner of a small soundproof cell for the last several hours. Her tormented mind ceaselessly repeated images of the torments she'd received at the hands of Aikan Nadakai, star of 'Doki Doki Kokoro'. Restrained by the straightjacket, her body did its best to interpret the signals sent by her shattered mind. Mostly it fidgeted and spasmed occasionally. Eventually though, whether as a result of random chance, or a deliberate action from a vaguely coherent fragment of her psyche, the button on the brooch she kept in her pocket was pressed. A passing orderly heard the music and glanced in on her. Almost immediately he tore himself away from the view port. He knew how easy it was to go from being staff to patient, and what he'd just seen would very easily be classified as 'Hallucinations due to intense sexual frustration'. Helpless at the assault of the ancient magicks the straightjacket was torn into a thousand pieces, quickly reforming into a garment that was a lot less confining. But even as her clothes were being replaced, a new spirit awoke within her. The broken mind of Aki Villyn was pushed into a corner to rest and heal, as another mind took control. This new mind was far more ancient, and far more comfortable in a skimpy outfit. Princess Annikki looked out on the world, and smiled. An ominous crash of thunder could be heard in the distance. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #69: Princess Annikki/Sailor Joy Designed for regal qualities and fanboy appeal. (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10.) Intelligence: 7 Age: Corporeally 17 Reflexes: 10 Soul is more than 3000 years Technical: 5 Measurements: 93-61-89 Body: 10 Looks: 10 Blood Type: Green Ichor Charisma: 8 Favourite Food: *Censored* Cool: 9 Least Favourite Food: Fried Unicorn Luck: She gets lucky quite often Hobbies: *Censored* Hit points: 23/23 Mana: 45/45 AC: -6(-3 if forced to wear restrictive clothing. i.e. anything that leaves less than 80% of her body exposed) Abilities: -Magical Girl -Exhibitionist -Can rapidly identify what condiment a person would taste best with -Double-jointed in the strangest places -An excellent dancer Edible, but only with whipped cream. Can be rented on an hourly basis. Tap to upset the Moral Majority. Background: Reincarnated princess of the Crystal City of Delight. She has assumed full control of her body after Aki Villyn went insane. Little is known of her save her exhibitionistic tendencies. Her current plans are unknown. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Meanwhile, in his apartment Mr. Sunshine was happily examining the contents of two packages that had recently arrived via special delivery. The first package contained delicate electronic components. The second package contained high-quality fresh produce. Mr. Sunshine's thick fingers moved nimbly as he somehow assembled a complex circuit board inside of a rutabaga. Mr. Sunshine's had a plan... This time she would be his! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Aika screamed as the tentacle lashed at her arm with great force. Her gun was torn from her grasp as she was flung to the ground. Woodsy's advanced on her, grinning menacingly. His gyrating tentacles seemed to dissolve back into his wings, and reform as he moved forward. Becky, didn't think, this was a time for action not thought. Actually Becky was thinking a lot, Agent BA-3 however was paying attention, and her trained reflexes took over. In a smooth motion she aimed her Uzi, and pulled the trigger. Woodsy staggered as the depleted uranium tipped bullets ripped through him, but Becky kept on shooting until he collapsed to the ground oozing green ichor onto the gravel walkway. Woodsy groaned softly, buy Becky put a few more rounds into him and he fell silent. Agent BA-3 believed in being thorough. At this point Becky was reasonably willing to oblige her, but she vetoed her idea of calling in a tactical nuclear strike to make sure the body was destroyed. Becky holstered her Uzi somewhere in her trench coat and reached out a hand to help Aika up. Aika took the hand as she stood up, but stumbled a little and fell forward into Becky's arms. Looking into her eyes, Aika couldn't help but remember another trench coated woman with a penchant for automatic pistols. Then without thinking, she kissed her. Concentrating on each other, neither girl noticed the inner turmoil of the fallen figure behind. Woodsy was in agony. The mere physical pain of his wounds was nothing compared to the mental anguish he experienced as his bodily fluids leaked onto the clean gravel path beneath him. With a sheer effort of will, Woodsy reversed the flow of ichor, as the green pool beneath began to flow back into him.