GIRLS WITH GUNS or I Love a Bloody Parade The Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots Started By: David Kelk, dkelk@sympatico.ca This Chapter By: Neopuu, neopuu@sandwich.net Hosted at: Improfanfic, http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic/ Episode Twelve: Mascot Massacre Mr. Sunshine pranced around in his custom-made Pikachu costume. The yellow jagged tail on his outfit stuck up in the air as he merrily danced a jig, shaking the earth with each heavy step. He paused momentarily to look through his peephole- no sign of his lady love. A mournful sigh escaped his lips. When would she return? Even now, was she homeward bound, rushing toward their date with destiny? Of course, Becky wasn't anywhere near her apartment. At that moment, she was watching a woman in dominatrix gear knock her partner to the ground, only to be knocked down herself by Princess Anniki. "How dare you strike me, you little tramp!" Sofia shouted. "You need to be punished!" She cracked her whip for emphasis. "And who is going to do that?" Princess Anniki cooed. "An old lady like you?" "Old... lady?" Sofia gritted her teeth. "You'll be licking my boots before I'm through with you!" "Get off of me, you heavy S&M freak!" Aika yelled. Off to the side, Becky, or more accurately, Agent BA-3, took careful aim and waited for an opening. From her current position, she couldn't fire without risking hitting either Aika, pinned beneath the woman, or Anniki, standing in front of her angle of fire. A split-second window of opportunity opened up as Anniki stepped back to deliver another kick, so Becky squeezed the trigger and- *CRACK* Becky fell face first into the pavement as she was struck from behind. The shot went wild, hitting a passing truck instead, which exploded, showering Aika, Sofia, and Anniki with vanilla pudding. Becky leapt to her feet and turned to face her attacker. Johnny Cage adjusted his sunglasses and swaggered around. "Hey, toots," he said, "don't forget, there's two members of 'Sex and...' - uh, of our group. Better not turn your back." Becky casually noted her attacker's characteristics- slightly muscular American male, short brown hair, no sense of fashion, and an attitude the size of a Mack truck. "Who are you?" she asked. Johnny's jaw dropped. "You don't know me? Famous action movie star, martial artist, celebrity?" he said, with a trace of insecurity. Becky shook her head. "I keep up with current events in the States, so I would've recognized you, if you were anyone important, that is." Johnny flushed bright red. "If you don't know who I am, maybe it's time you found out." He cracked his knuckles in preparation. "Sorry about this, but a job's a job, and you're in my waaAAAAAAY!" Tired of the failed movie star's constant prattling, BA-3 kneed him in the groin in mid-sentence, then slammed him to the ground with a shoulder throw. She knelt down and finished him off with a punch to the face, shattering his sunglasses. Satisfied that Johnny was out of action, she turned her attention back to the ongoing fight. Things had changed considerably during her brief distraction. Now, Anniki had managed to acquire Sofia's whip and knock her out, and was standing over the unconscious dominatrix, whipping her mercilessly. Aika was still pinned underneath Sofia, so whenever Anniki missed, the lash would strike Aika instead, wrenching a squeal of pain from her. Becky gently took the whip from her friend's hand. "She's out cold. I think you can stop now." "Aww..." Anniki pouted. Aika dragged herself out from under Sofia's prone body and rubbed her chafed skin. Anniki watched her with obvious interest, then ran a finger over the girl's pudding-covered arm and put it in her mouth. "Mmm... tasty." Aika backed away a few steps, putting some distance between her and the reincarnated princess. She racked her brain trying to think of a safer topic of conversation, and stumbled over the beaten form of Johnny Cage. "Oof! Who are these guys, anyway?" Becky shrugged. "I've never seen them before in my life. They're probably just flunkies hired by someone to come after us." "Who would want to do something like that?" The two of them considered the very long list of enemies they'd manage to pile up separately over the years, then gave up. Anniki latched onto Aika's arm. "Don't worry, dear, I'll protect you no matter who it is." She squeezed Aika's hand for emphasis. Aika shook off her arm, then was struck by an inspiration. "Hey, maybe you could get the name of their employer out of them! You'd do that for me, wouldn't you?" She batted her eyelashes, inwardly retching at the idea. "It would be my pleasure," Anniki smiled. With a strength that belied her slender frame, she dragged the two former members of Sex and Violence away by the hair, off for god-knows-what sort of interrogation. Breathing a sigh of relief, Aika began to walk briskly in the opposite direction. "C'mon, if we're lucky, we'll be long gone before she gets back." Becky shrugged and followed her partner. The two of them walked along for a while, enjoying the afternoon sun. They took a detour through a park "Ano... buy Lumi-chan's wares, please?" a trembly voice said. The girls looked around and spotted the speaker- an old woman sitting on a park bench. She was dressed in filthy red rags and wore a dirty old sweatband on her head that held two dimly lit bulbs. She held up a basket of faded old lightbulbs and proferred them. ============================================================================= MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS DATA FILE ENTRY X: Lumi-chan (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10) Intelligence: 1 Age: 14 (appears to be 70) Technical: 1 Favorite Food: Ice Cream, what else? Body: 2 Hobbies: Trying to survive Looks: 2 Charisma: 1 Cool: 2 Luck: Out of it Psi: 3 Background: In the struggle to defeat the Ottoman Empire's plan to take over the world, Lumi-chan was turned into an evil adult version of herself. She eventually became good again, but suffered another aging spurt and now has the body of an old woman. She sells lightbulbs to make a living. Needless to say, nobody calls her Lumi-chan anymore. Becky waved the old woman away. "No thanks, we really don't need any lightbulbs." "But..." "Sorry." The two of them turned to leave. Aika hesitated, bringing a look of hope to the old woman's face. "Pardon me, do you mind if I use this?" Aika wiped off some of the pudding that was still caked on her clothes with a loose rag and skipped off to join her friend. *** Becky kicked a rock as she walked alongside Aika. "We should go home," she muttered. "We're not making any progress, and I forget why we were out here in the first place. Aika did not respond. "Hey, are you listening to me?" Aika cocked her head, listening intently. "Listen, do you hear that?" "I don't hear anything," Becky shrugged. "Wait... there it is again." A rumbling sound, barely audible at first, but gradually growing louder, made itself known. A cloud of dust appeared over the horizon. As the girls watched it grow larger, to their horror, they realized it was the dust kicked up by a horde of mascots, stampeding toward them. Creatures of all kinds, all the colors of the pastel rainbow, chirped, barked, oinked, meowed, and otherwise added to the cacophony. Aika froze. "Aika, are you all right?" Becky asked, worried. "Unhh... unhh..." "Hello? Aika?" "Cute... fuzzy... no... stay away!" As Becky looked on, Aika began to shiver violently, glowing with a bright white light. Just when Becky thought she would go blind, the light faded, revealing Aika... changed. Among the various minor changes in her uniform were a row of medals across her chest. And her gun had changed as well- it was much larger now. It would more accurately be described as a hand-cannon. Aika inspected her new weapon with a sharp eye, while Becky looked on admiringly. "How did I get this?" she wondered. The analytical abilities of Agent BA-3 kicked in, and her friend replied, "In times of stress, it is not unknown for magical girls to evolve into more powerful forms." Aika grinned wickedly. "I need something to test this out on, and I haven't killed anything since... say, Becky, what day is it?" "Whatever day we want it to be!" Becky answered. They raised their weapons and took aim, unleashing a volley of shots into the oncoming stampede. One by one, the mascots dropped, crashing to the ground with a thud and a cry of pain. Ever hear a rabbit or a kitten get crushed by a sledgehammer? Multiply that by a thousand, and you might begin to understand the devastation. When the last mascot had fallen, the girls congratulated themselves by exchanging high-fives. "All right!" "You go, girl!" "This is a travesty!" "Huh?" Aika and Becky looked at each other. "Who said that?" they said simultaneously. "I did!" a plaintive voice piped up. The girls turned around. A trembly, watery-eyed chihuahua sat there, wagging its tail. "Never mind, it's just a talking chihuahua," Becky said, before both of them did a double take. "Hi there, girls! My name is Pedro! Today is your lucky day! One of you will get me as your adorable animal sidek... eep!" The little dog's introduction tailed off as he suddenly became very interested in dodging a bullet from Aika's new gun. "Dance, doggie, dance!" Aika laughed, spraying the area with gunfire. And dance it did, leaping, diving, skidding, and generally performing feats of acrobatics that no dog had a right to perform. Eventually, Aika grew tired of the game and waited for the dog to speak. *huff puff* "Now that wasn't very nice! Out of all those potential mascots, you chose me! I'm the only one left! Doesn't that count for something?" the little dog whined. "Yes, it does," Aika replied, cocking the hammer on her gun. *CLICK* Author's Notes: In the grand tradition of Girls With Guns, I started this chapter on the last day.