With a single shot Aika splattered the Chihuahua across the pavement. It made a rather unpleasant, but somehow satisfying noise. "That was fun!" Aika said with enthusiasm. "I haven't gotten to destroy that much cuteness for a while now." "Indeed. However now we are left with a conundrum. What do we do next?" Becky, or perhaps agent BA-3, asked in a more muted tone. "Hmm... I know! Why don't we find out why what day it is keeps changing?" "Sounds good to me. Where should we start?" "Let's attack our old enemies with lots and lots of firepower, until we turn up something useful." "Sounds like a plan," Becky replied, silently reveling in the utter outrage from both of her other personalities in response to this course of action. ***************************************************************** Girls with Guns, Chapter 13: Herring Nightmares By Philip Barkow. Thanks to Jonatan Streith for Pre-reading. Thanks to Elizabeth McCoy, Walter Milliken, and Mr. X for ideas. ***************************************************************** Meanwhile, back at Aika's apartment: Princess Annikki looked down upon the bruised, battered and unconscious form of Johnny Cage. "I wasn't expecting him to go that long without giving me the information I wanted. Oh well, maybe I should've removed his gag," Annikki said, ending with a light cheerful giggle that sent shudders through Sofia's bound form. "I'm sure you'll be much more fun! I've just got to go melt some cheese, don't you go anywhere!" ***************************************************************** "So who should we start with?" Aika asked. "I don't know, do you have any preferences?" Becky replied. "How about one of Cthulhu's old cronies like Yog-Sothoth or Shub- niggurath?" "Nah. Outer Gods are boring," Becky replied dismissively. ***************************************************************** "Oh great Fuki-sama! I regret to report that we have not heard back from those you hired to eliminate your most hated enemy," the anonymous Trooper said humbly. Her face-obscuring mask was clearly labeled 'Anonymous Trooper #53'. "That was to be expected. They were obviously total incompetents. I need allies who are more destructive. Fetch the yellow pages!" "Yes great Fuki-sama!" the mob of anonymous troopers responded nervously. Fuki noticed that they didn't have the same tone of fear that Saikyo used to inspire. Rather than being afraid of terminal embarrassment they were now afraid of evisceration. Being a professional, Fuki could hear the difference. ***************************************************************** "How about Chibi-usa?" suggested Aika. "Someone already took care of her, apparently it was a professional job," replied Becky. "Honto? Sugoi!" Aika replied enthusiastically. ***************************************************************** Mr. Sunshine peered through the peephole, and began making detailed sketches of the interior of Becky's bedroom. "Based on this information, I can better aim my mind control laser! Though it saddens me to use such methods on my darling Becky, I can not stand the thought of her wondering away from my watchful eye." That said, Mr. Sunshine began dancing a hornpipe. Which looked even stranger because of the Ryo-Ohki costume he was wearing. ***************************************************************** MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #362-K: Mind Control Laser XP: 3523 GP: 15,023 HP: Not applicable. Can be destroyed with a fruit juicer, or short-circuited with the syrup left at the bottom of a can of pear parts. Abilities: -Controls minds -Precision targeting system This device is controlled entirely by Mr. Sunshine's patented integrated fruit circuitry. Edible, though you'll have to pick capacitors out of your teeth. ***************************************************************** MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #126-Gamma: Mr. Sunshine (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10.) Intelligence: 9 Age: 37 Reflexes: 2 Measurements: Longer than the Technical: 10 tape measure. Body: 6 Blood Type: B- Looks: 2 Favourite Food: Fried and breaded Charisma: None to speak of hot peppers Cool: Not at all Least Favourite Food: Boiled Luck: Low carrots Hobbies: Spying on his beloved Becky-chan Hit points: 23/24 Mana: 8/12 AC: 3 Abilities: -Pedophile -Cute animal mascot impersonator -Ingenious manipulator of electronics and produce -Breath control Not edible. Not for sale, though deviations may occur. Tap for Stone Skin. ***************************************************************** "How about Ramsbottom?" said Aika. "Who?" Becky responded. "Guy we ran into back in my old line of work. He had minor time control powers," Aika replied matter-of-factly. "Sounds like a good start, how do we find him?" ***************************************************************** Annikki paused in her abuse of Sofia as the doorbell rang. Without bothering to put any clothing on, she stood up and answered the door. "Hi Aika, since you weren't in class today I thought I'd bring you..." Sakura trailed off as the sight before her eyes inflicted itself on her. "Sofia! So we meet again. I won the 'Sexiest Woman' title, and you can't take it from me. Even all these props you're using don't make you as sexy as me. Not the melted cheese, not the AC power supply, not the live herring, not the Culture Club music playing in the background, not the -" Sakura suddenly stopped abruptly as she became aware of the naked woman holding an eggbeater in front of her. "You won a sexiness contest against this woman?" Annikki interrupted. "Yes! And I won hands down," Sakura responded, her embarrassment giving way to her warrior's ego. "Well of course you beat her," Annikki said disparagingly. "Against a real challenger you wouldn't stand a chance." "Hah! I'd take you on any day." "Very well. We shall have a sexiness competition. The winner gets to play with the loser." "Right! Wait a moment, why would I want to play with you?" Sakura said, the confrontation in her voice suddenly giving way to confusion and embarrassment. "It's too late to back out now." ***************************************************************** "I know! Let's go find a store which sells those hats like he's always wearing," Aika suggested. "Nah. Let's go blast our way into the British Embassy demanding information. That way we can cause an international incident," counter-suggested Becky. "That sounds like fun," Aika replied, grinning from ear to ear. ***************************************************************** "Ah, here it is, the 'Oblivion' section," Fuki said looking in the yellow pages, held conveniently in front of her by two of her minions. "Hmm, he seems like a reasonable candidate. Dial the number for this 'Orochi'." "Yes Mistress Fuki!" the troopers responded. ***************************************************************** "Do you know the way to the British Embassy?" asked Becky. "No, why would I?" replied Aika. "Let's check the yellow pages." ***************************************************************** Mr. Sunshine made a couple of subtle adjustments to the targeting papaya. "This time my darling Becky shall be mine!" Zap! Mr. Sunshine charged a small capacitor with a spark of static electricity created by rubbing together his arms, which were covered, in artificial fur as part of his costume.