The demonic schoolgirl looked down at the ragged heap in front of her,
sighed, and gave it a kick.

    "Get up!"

    The heap groaned and turned over, revealing the pale (even more so than
usual) and cute (MUCH more so than usual) features of the Orochi.  "Just five
more minutes," the lawyerly focus of the hatred of all Japan squeaked
comically.

    "I can't believe this!  I thought you were a force of ultimate evil!" Fuki
raged.

    "...More [nihilism]," the Orochi muttered, getting to his (stubby) feet.
"It's a [subtle] difference, but an [important] one."

    "I will not stand for failure like this!" Fuki snapped.  "Your next
attempt must succeed or you'll be hearing from me again!"  She turned and
stalked off, muttering about a rocket.

    The chibi-Orochi squinted after her.  "When I get [back] to normal, you
shall reap the [consquences] of your [actions].  ...But right now, I must find
some [nookie]!"

=====

GIRLS WITH GUNS, or how I finally got a working phone line and ISP

The Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots
Started By: David Kelk, dkelk@sympatico.ca
This Chapter By: John Evans, jevans@datablast.net

Hosted at: Improfanfic, http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic/

Episode Ten: The King in Yellow

=====

    Anniki took a drag of her cigarette, and then blew a smoke ring.  "That
was quite a battle.  It may even be too close to call."

    Sakura nodded, knocking some ash into a nearby tray.  "Unfortunately, it
seems like our judges are out of commission."

    "Oh, my.  They don't look too well."  Anniki walked over to one of the
dazed otaku and examined his pale face.

    "Maybe it's from blood loss," Sakura smirked.

    "Perhaps you're right."  Anniki turned to look straight into the camera.
"Now, all you kids at home remember, there's nothing wrong with having fun,
but if someone needs medical attention, it's time to be serious."  She turned
back to the 'judge', kneeling in front of him.  "Are you all right?  Should we
take you the hospital, perhaps?"

    The otaku blinked, his attention finally focusing.  "...No!  Please don't
make me leave!" he shouted weakly.

    Anniki smiled radiantly.  "All right, then.  Don't you worry about it.
We'll give you some time to recover before you render your final decision."
She turned and walked over to one of the other occupants of the room.  "Now,
then...Sofia, was it?  I bet you thought I'd forgotten about you."

    Sofia squirmed and writhed and shouted imprecations, or she would have if
she hadn't had a gag in her mouth.

    "Oh, that might be fun, but I'm afraid it's probably physically
impossible," Anniki replied.

    Sakura blinked.  "You can tell what she's saying, even with that thing in
her mouth?"

    Anniki smiled.  "Of course!  I've had a lot of practice."  While Sakura
blinked again, she continued delivering her motivational speech to Sofia.
"Now, you're going to tell me who your employer is, so I can impress Aika with
it.  Are you going to cooperate?"

    Sofia attempted to shout some more.

    "I was hoping you'd say that," Anniki purred.

=====

    "Oh, Aika!"

    Aika paused in the act of putting on her motorcycle helmet, and looked
over to see Becky approaching.  "Oh...hey Becky.  What's up?"

    "Well, I just was wondering if you wanted to go blow anything up today,"
Becky said.  She blinked.  "Who's that?"

    "Oh, this?  This is Hans."

    "Hello," Hans said.  [Zhe digs me.]

    Becky blinked again.  "...uhhhh...yeah.  Um, why is he on your
motorcycle with you?"

    "He's my date for that dance thing," Aika replied.

    Becky sort of stared.  "...why?"

    Aika shrugged.  "Well, I had to have a date, since the only other thing to
do was that..."  Aika trailed off, and had a strange expression on her face.

    "But I thought we were going to find out why time was all messed up,"
Becky said.

    "We could go to ze gym," Hans said.

    The girls stared at him.

    "I am big and muscular."  Hans flexed.

    "...Aika, why the HELL did you pick this guy up?"  Becky said.

    "Well, why not?" Aika snapped.  "It's not like I'm actually going to go
out with him.  I'll ditch him once I get to the dance."

    [Zhe digs me,] Hans thought.

    "And I'm certainly not going to..."  Aika got that strange expression on
her face again.

    "Aika, are you all right?" Becky asked.

    "Becky, did you...wasn't there, like a poster for a...thing?"

    "Hm?  Oh...yeah, I...saw..." Becky got that same strange expression on her
face.

    "Damn it, what NOW?" Aika exploded.

    "It's almost like someone doesn't want us talking about...whatever it is,"
Becky said.  "I told you!  We need to find out what's going on with the world,
with time and everything!  Otherwise things will just keep getting worse."

    Aika sighed.  "All right, let's go back to my apartment and talk to that
Anniki person."

    "Oh, she's still there?"

    "Yeah, haven't you heard those noises from the back room?"

    "Oh, I thought you had a brewery or cat kennel or something back there."

    "Mmmm...beer."  That was Hans, in case you couldn't figure it out.

    "All right, get on," Aika said.  "Sorry, Hans, we'll have to do this some
other time."  She pushed at Hans until he got the message and got off,
allowing Becky to mount behind Aika.

    "Hans iz hungry," Hans said.  Becky punched him, which seemed to have
little effect, and the girls rode off.

=====

    Ms. Moonlight walked along the streets of Tokyo, staring at a small device
with a frown.  Her partner, Ms, Moonshine, hadn't reported back for hours (or
was it days?), and she was starting to get worried.  She was even more worried
when the tracking scope showed her that Ms. Moonshine was somewhere in this
weird maze of alleys, far from the apartment she was supposed to be watching.

    Finally Ms. Moonlight knew she was at the end of her search.  She peered
around alertly, unholstered her gun, crept up to an alley corner...and swung
into the mouth of the alley the way you always seem police officers on TV do,
yelling "FREEZE!"

    And stared in shock.

    Ms. Moonshine was sitting near the bloated corpse of Mr. Sunshine, crying
unaccountably, and staring at the body with mixtures of revulsion and longing.

    "...Ms. Moonshine!" Ms. Moonlight gasped.  "Are you all right?"

    Ms. Moonshine looked up at her partner with eyes flooded with relief.
"Ms. Moonlight!  You must...help me!  I was...there was a mind control thing!
And it made me fall for this hideous disgustng beautiful lump of filth that I
want to...URGH!  I can't even think straight!  Please...help me!"

    Ms. Moonlight walked down the alley and pulled Ms. Moonshine to her feet.
"There, there...it's all right.  Everything's going to be all right..."  [I
hope...]

=====

    Mr. Sunshine was at peace.

    He had finally left behind his weighty mortal shell, and his spirit
floated free...He felt himself surrounded by a warm glow...

    And then suddenly he was in a conference room.

    Mr. Sunshine blinked.  This was not how he expected the afterlife to be...
In a room you might find in a high-class office building, across the table
from a gentle-looking girl.

    "Hello," she said.  "I'm afraid you're deceased."

    "...Yes," Mr. Sunshine said.  "I...I...wait!  No!  Becky-chan...did
she..."  His face screwed up.

    "No, the person who killed you wasn't Becky," the girl said.

    "...What?  Really?  But she looked just like her..." Mr. Sunshine replied.

    "Yes.  But it wasn't her.  You can trust me on this."

    "...why...that means Becky-chan still likes me!"  Mr. Sunshine beamed,
then his face fell.  "But now...I'm stuck here, dead, and she's alive..."

    "Would you like to go back to the Earth?" the girl asked.

    Mr. Sunshine blinked...then smiled, hope dawning on his face like a ray
of...well, you know.  "Really?  Do you mean it?"

    "Your work on the Earth is not finished," she replied.  "You must go back
and fulfill your destiny."

    "Incredible!" Mr. Sunshine said.  "I can go back and be with Becky-chan
again!"

    "You'll have a chance to continue your work of making the world a better
place."

    "I never got to show Becky-chan all my wonderful inventions..."

    "And you'll touch the lives of others in their hour of greatest need."

    "And I'll show Becky-chan my album of pictures of her!"

    "Now, are you ready?"

    "Yes!  I'm READY!" Mr. Sunshine proclaimed.  And promptly disappeared.

    And Kasumi smiled.

=====

To be continued...

=====

Author's note:

Sorry, no data files this chapter.  I couldn't think of any.

Credit goes to W4 for [nookie].

Also note that I didn't use it as a story hook...just as a title.

Beware the Radish