Last time on Revolutionary Girl Utena our heroine defeated yet another opponent in a duel. However, in the last Girls with Guns chapter the author started channeling William Shakespeare. Girls with Guns: Chapter 24 Originally created by David Kelk. Thanks go to Aaron Peori for the use of his alias, and to John Evans, Steven Scougall, and the cast of Monty Python for serving as inspiration. ******************************************************************* Basking in the intense feeling of satisfaction that comes after unleashing sufficient ordinance, Becky was startled as Agent B-A3 suddenly gave a proximity warning. Whirling around, Becky promptly discovered that she'd targeted a familiar oriental figure. ******************************************************************* MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #43-Delta, Master Chiang Full name: Master Chiang. Occupation: Wise man, Tao Shih, Advisor to the forces of good. (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10.) Intelligence: 10 Reflexes: 3 Age: Millennia. Technical: 5 Measurements: Wizened. Body: 5 Blood Type: O+. Looks: 2 Favourite Food: Dim sum. Charisma: 5 Least favorite food: Spaghetti Cool: 5 and meat-free meat sauce. Luck: Moderate. Hobbies: Advising. Research Hit points: 27/28 Mana: 43/46 AC: 6 Abilities: -Interpret Prophecy -Knowledge of sorcery -Be exasperated at the antics of those younger than himself -Master of the fandango There may be a Nazgul concealed in his pocket lint. Master of Newspeak. Has the Experienced Attribute. Tap to decipher ancient mystery. Background: Previously the most brilliant of the Advisors to the Royal Court. He may have spent the last few millennia in South America, or he may simply have been re-incarnated. No one has thought to ask him. ******************************************************************* "Master Chiang! What are you doing here?" Becky asked, sounding surprised. "I fear that I come as the bearer of ill tidings. The prophecies are clear. Soon you must face the Ultimate Evil," Master Chiang pronounced gravely. "You mean, I'm going to have to face... Him?" Becky asked, her features twisting into a mask of fear. "That is the case. The prophecies say that in the end, you will face him alone. After that, the future is uncertain," Master Chiang said in a tone of voice normally used for reading telegrams containing information of a loved one's demise. "I have to go one on one against...," Becky paused, needing to gather her courage to even speak his name aloud. "Epsilon." Master Chiang's enormous dignity fought a valiant, but futile battle, and he face faulted. ******************************************************************* "How dare she insult me by employing such a simple trick!" Sofixupia said, enraged. "I will prove to them that I am the sexiest, and then I will eat their souls!" Sofixupia suddenly noticed her reflection in the mirror. "I look too sexy when I'm angry," Sofixupia said, becoming lost her own reflection once more. ******************************************************************* Nemesis Serendipity Villyn rushed towards Pretty Deadly, sword held high. Suddenly, in he brought his sword downwards in a potentially deadly arc. Placing the Sword of Dookie carefully on the ground in front of him, he knelt on one knee. Aika paused, confusion clear on her features, but did not lower her blade. "Will you marry me?" Villyn asked romantically. Aika face-faulted. ******************************************************************* Dusting himself off and attempting to salvage some of his dignity, Master Chiang continued. "No not Epsilon. You have to face Villyn," Master Chiang said, trying not to sound frustrated. "Oh him. He's hardly the 'Ultimate Evil'," Becky replied dismissively. "The Prophecy of the Mad Author gives him greater power." "The what?" ******************************************************************* MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #483-G The Prophecy of the Mad Author After experiencing an unhealthy level of exposure to a psychotropic substance (i.e. the artwork of Colin Woodard), a Chibi-Impro author lost his fragile hold on sanity. In a fit of madness he prophesized that Aika would marry Nemesis Serendipity Villyn and that they would have 14,000 children. Whether or not this will actually come to pass remains uncertain, however, the prophecy has imbued Plotty with significantly greater powers. Thus enhanced, Plotty is theoretically able to meddle in the lives of our heroines to a significantly greater extent. ******************************************************************* "Aika's going to marry Villyn? Eww!" Becky said in disgust. ******************************************************************* In another level of reality Fourthy smiled to itself, satisfied that it had managed to gloss over Becky's recognition of the fact that she was a character in a story. Content, Fourthy went off to continue pondering whether it should allow it's own sentience. This however, had the additional affect of drawing Plotty's attention to the scene in progress. Noticing a continuity error, Plotty decided to correct it. ******************************************************************* Master Chiang and Becky suddenly realized that she was currently taking a nice warm bath. "HENTAI!" Becky shouted furiously as she grabbed an oversized handgun of some kind and began shooting at Master Chiang. The years having taught him great wisdom, Master Chiang turned and rang. Grabbing up a towel to cover her, Becky gave chase. Princess Annikki, carrying an unconscious Sakura over her shoulder on her way into the bathroom, promptly snatched Becky's towel. "Hey!" Becky exclaimed, distracted from her quarry. "Hmm. Not quite up to Aika's standards. I give you an 8," Annikki said judgmentally. ******************************************************************* Standing up from her face fault, Aika opened her mouth to give a negative response in no uncertain terms. And found she could not speak. Her own characterization had been eclipsed by the dictates of the Plot. Gazing down on the expectant features of Villyn, and once again found herself unable to refuse. Helpless against the power of the Narrative Imperative, Aika strove to direct it in another direction. "If I am to marry you, then you must prove yourself worthy," Aika pronounced solemnly. "And how may I prove myself worthy of you, my love?" Villyn asked, sounding as if his heart was going to burst. "You must go forth and find..." Aika paused to wonder where the dramatic music was coming from. "A shrubbery!" Aika exclaimed, jumping onto an OCR as she tried to navigate the currents of the Narrative Imperative. "Very well my love! I shall journey forth and I shall return with the greatest shrubbery the world has ever seen!" Villyn proclaimed before striding out of the room dramatically. ******************************************************************* Elsewhere, a single banana, whose circuitry had absorbed a significant amount of energy from the nuclear strike, began to glow ominously. ******************************************************************* "What did you to her, anyway?" Becky asked indicating the unconscious Sakura. "On second thought, I'd rather not know. What are you doing here anyway? Did my parents see you?!" "Oh yes. Your mother and I had a very informative discussion about the use of full body restraints," Annikki said, unconsciously licking her upper lip. Becky blushed a deep shade of red before remembering that her mother would use such things in a professional capacity. "The important thing now is to rescue Aika!" "My Aika is in trouble?" Annikki asked pleasantly noticing how far down Becky's blush went. "According to prophecy, she's supposed to marry Villyn and have 14,000 children," Becky replied in tones of faint disgust. "Oh my," Annikki said in a Kasumi-esque tone. "So we have to get moving." "I never thought she had that much stamina," Annikki said, pondering the possibilities wistfully. Becky face faulted. *******************************************************************