Somewhere in Californai, a blue-haired teen was playing a game on his Playstation. "`Conditions for winning: Defeat Orlandu?' Heh, no problem. Let's hit him with an Excalibur between the eyes..." He poked at his control pad for a moment, then grinned evilly at the screen. "Hah! Take that, you digital-" "Uh oh!" "Hm. I wonder who that could be." He got up and walked over to his computer, then checked ICQ. "/me pokes you." He sat down to type. "On early, aren't you?" "how's your gwg part coming?" "Oh shit." **************************************** Girls With Guns, Chapter 31: "Insert Main Title Here" OR "Okay, did _anybody_ understand this mess?" This part hastily banged out by: Benjamin "Zereth" Kercheval, with assitance from Michelle "Gally" Spaulding. **************************************** Last time, on MST3K, Mike and the Bots made fun of a bad movie. Last time, on Girls With Guns: Finally ceasing his evil laughter, Dr. Pfischer pressed a button on the wall to his left, and turned his gaze back to Becky. "Hey!" Becky protested as the gigantic, automated toaster-oven closed around her. "Soon you shall become my ultimate appliance creation!" Dr. Pfischer said, and promptly lapsed back into evil laughter. *** "Heh. Man, Triangle and Robert is funn-" "Uh oh!" Zereth looked down at the corner of his screen and clicked on the incoming ICQ message. "how's your gwg part going?" Zereth slapped his forehead. "I knew I was forgetting something!" He pulled up the file and stared at it for a while. "Damn... I can't think of anything. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry 78.8-G: Writer's Block Prevents author from writing. Inedible. Not for sale, although you can find it for free. Tap for "Annoy Author". ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ He sat there, tapping one finger on his desk for a while. "Damn, I need to do SOMETHING..." He got up and paced around for a while. "MREEOW!" "Ooops. Sorry, kitty! Here, why don't you go over there and *SLAM* Well, that's her out of the way... What to do, what to... I KNOW!" He ran back over to the computer and sat down at it! "I'll have the Impro Inquisition get around to kidnapping the plot, and then replace it with the plot of something else! Bwahaha-" Zereth continued to laugh maniaclly in the background while the data file entry ran. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry 37A-Lambda: Replacing the Plot Cheap trick by the author to get out of having to think something up for himself. Edible, but tasteless. Does not contain Cookie Monster. Tap for a funny "bong" sound. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "-hahah! Now, I just need to wrap up with Becky and have the Impro Inquisition kidnap Plotty..." *** High and Sub commanders Torquemada and [Not Available At Your Clearance] hurried out the back of their hideout. "Hah! Our plan is working! While they're distracted, we'll be free to kidnap Plotty without interference!" Sub-Commander [Not Available At Your Clearance] blinked. "That's our plan, sir? I don't remember that..." "Of course it's our plan! It's always been our plan, ever since that mention of it back in chapter 28 somewhere!" "But sir, weren't we trying to get the prisoners to tell us how to get a Plotty?" High Commander Torquemada shrugged. "Well, yes, it was, until some mysterious teen with blue hair handed me this instruction sheet." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry 19.99-plustax: Mysterious Teen Is actually the author delivering a mind-bogglingly huge plot cotnrivance. Does not contain any cyber-implants, as far as you know. Tap to destroy fourth wall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *** Meanwhile, somewhere in Hawaii, Fourthy sat on a beach, sipping a collection of little fruit bits and a paper umbrella that claimed to be a drink. "If you think I'm going to stay in the same part as this author, you're nuts. I'm not _that_ resilient. Now you should get back to the Impro Inquisition, they're almost done kidnapping Plotty." *** Two robed figures hurried down an alley, carrying a squirming bundle. "Now, [Not Available At Your Security Clearance], the getaway care is ready, right?" "Yes, sir. This is the fifth time you've asked me that," sighed [Not Available At Your Security Clearance]. "Well, yes, but the audience hadn't heard it yet. And the author is running out of dialouge ideas, so let's go and take Plotty to our other secrect hidden hideout and let him get onto something else." *** The giant toaster oven opened, and Dr. Phischer finally stopped laughing to look upon his newest masterpeice. Becky staggered out and over to the convinetly-placed mirror to see what had happened to her. "... I have a blender on my head." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry 3-R: Blender Becky Becky, with a blender fused to her head. No other differences. Does not have the Panties of Potency. Stong against Mr. Sunshine. Tap to puree target. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "... I have a _blender_. On my _head_. Someone is going to pay for this." Suddenly, a van bearing the letteres "PCPS" on its side crashed into the room! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry 0x0FFA3-coke: PCPS Plot Contrivance Postal Service. A plot contrivance that delivers plot contrinvances or information on plot contrivances. Does not contain the One Ring, most of the time. Inedible, unless the author needs it to be. Tap to twist the fabric of reality in really confusing ways. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Becky, Dr. Phischer, and the unnamed minions stared at the data file entry. "... This is really f&*$ed up," announced Blender Becky. A hand appeared from the van and tossesd a tape recorder into the middle of the room, and then retreated back into the vehicle, which sped off through a compeltely different wall. "Good morning," spoke the Mysterious Voice From The Tape. "It's afternoon," corrected Dr. Phischer. "Whatever," replied the MVFTT. "Anyway, this message is to inform you that the plot of Girls with Guns has been kidnapped. But don't panic! Arrangements have been made for another plot to stand in until such time as Plotty can be recovered. You will find that you have been holding scripts indicating what you are now to do for the last few minutes." Everybody looked down at the scripts in their hands. "Really, _really_ f#$^ed up," commented Becky. "This message will self-destruct in pi seconds." Everybody sweatdropped, then ran for cover behind the Giant Toaster oven. Shortly, the tape recorder folded in on itself and disappeared with a quiet "pop" and some boring special effects. "Great, NOW what's going to happen to me?" complained Becky as she looked at her script. *** Annikki, Aika, Aki, Daisy, Ryo, and this other guy who just happened to be jogging in the wrong place at the wrong time ran down the street, when suddenly... "*WHACK* Ow, where did that van come from?" asked Aika. A tape recorder fell out of the van and bounced off her head. "Ow! What the hell was that?" "Good afternoon. This message is to inform you that..." *** Yugo stood in front of Sofixupia, holding the Jade Talisman in between them. ... ... ... Sofixupia and Yugo sweatdropped. "Er... aren't you supposed to do something else now?" questioned Sofixupia. "... I don't know. ^^;;" replied Yugo. *** "Damn it, why do _I_ have to be the Hall?" "... Aika, when did the Betty Ford Clinic gain the ability to speak?" "Don't ask me, Daisy. I have no idea." "Say, Annikki, I would have thought you'd be complaining about having to wear those big robes for your part," said Becky. Annikki just stood there and... smiled. "... You're not wearing anything under them, are you." *** *CRASH* "Oooh, a 7-10 split. Not looking good, Sofi," commented Yugo. "Damn! I'll eat their souls!" "... Bowling pins don't have souls, Sofi." Sofixupia looked blankly at Yugo. "... Yeees they do..." Yugo sweatdropped. *** Girls With Guns Productions Presents... B E O W U L F. Starring: Princess Anniki as Hrothgar, King of the Danes Aika as Beowulf Mr. Frogs-For-Hands as The Grendl The Betty Ford Clinic as the Hall of Heorot Zereth as the author who's run out of time, ideas, and attention spa-OOOH! KAWAII NEKO-CHAN! ------------------- Authors... Stuff: Well. Um... Crappy ending huh? What a note to end my first Impro on. Well, now it's W4's turn. Have FUN BWAHAHAHAH*cough**wheeze*. This has been a "Oh dear gods I need to finish this right now what do I do oh crap I'm doomed I'm doomed" production.