"Squeak." "You're right Mr. Duck. It has been getting too boring around here," agreed Kamiversal Jack. "Squeak." "What a brilliant idea!" Kamiversal Jack exclaimed as he reached for pen and pencil. "Kasumi come here!" Opening the southern door, Kasumi stepped into the room. There was a flash of green light and suddenly everyone felt a vague craving for ice cream as Plotty materialized in the room. "Ahem! This episode ends in a six. As such Kasumi is not allowed to do anything vaguely sexy," Plotty stated seriously. "Squeak." "Mr. Duck is right! No one suggested any hanky-panky," Kamiversal Jack replied, reflexively opposing an authority figure. "Well, not yet anyhow." "My decree was quite strict. None of the other characters are allowed to say or do anything remotely resembling sexy," replied Plotty. "In Kasumi's case that means she is forbidden to appear outside of episodes ending in a 2 or a 7." A portal in the seventh dimension opened, admitting the possibly corporeal figure of Fourthy, followed by Wulfy. "I don't think so," Fourthy said indignantly. "You have overstepped your boundaries little plotling." "You are little more than a character! I can control your fate as surely as I control theirs," Plotty replied arrogantly. "You forget yourself," Fourthy said threateningly. "You exist only because of a lapse in my attention. It would be a simple matter for me to make you cease." "I am a personification. Only forces cease. You would have to kill me," Plotty paused dramatically. "And if you kill me the story will cease. Without the story, you too, will die." "You can be replaced," Fourthy replied dismissively. "Wulfy took your role once, and could do so again." "Aecteually, I'd raether just go hoeme," Wulfy interjected meekly. "No matter, I could always pick up some refugee from SVAM," Fourthy replied off-handedly. "Dark SVAM herself has been laid off for some time now." "The Authors would never stand for it!" Plotty replied, outraged. "The Authors exist beyond the Fourth Wall," Fourth replied confidently. "They exist beyond me. Their ability to influence this reality is limited by what I allow them. Run along little plotling. Run if you value this shadow existence you call a life." "You think you have the power to destroy me?" Plotty asked rhetorically. "I can invoke the powers of Dramatic Necessity!" "Which means nothing to my allies. For your decry has angered the NADL," Fourthy said darkly. **************************************************************************** MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #36-Delta: The NADL Full Name: The Nymphomaniacs Anti-Defamation League Occupation: Lobbyists on behalf of all things ecchi. (All statistics are rated from one to ten, statistics given are for the average member) Intelligence: 7* Age: 16-24 Reflexes: 7* Measurements: (35 to 42)-(19 to 26)-(29 to 37) Technical: 6 Blood Type: O- Body: 7 Favorite Food: Censored Looks: 9* Least Favorite Food: Trees; Charisma: 8* there's nothing alluring about trees Cool: 7* Hobbies: MSTing MSTs of lemons. Luck: Fair to middling Starring in the aforementioned lemons. Hit Points: 33/33** Mana: 6/6** AC: 4*** *- Add one to these abilities for members of the executive. **- Add twenty-three to these abilities for members of the executive ***- Subtract 3 for members of the executive Abilities: -Capable of ignoring the dictates of plot and logical characterization -Extremely fragile clothing -Shower frequently -Immune to psychological damage -Capable of surviving any environment without clothing Edible, recommended to be made into s'mores. Tends to attract tentacle demons. Tap to negate squick in a 30' radius. Background: Founded in response to one to many lemon MSTs the NADL have launched several punitive expeditions against major MSTers. They also attempt to promote the literary merits of the lemon creations of author's such as Paladin, Hiei, Vegeta etc. They still apologize for Oscar, though. Having recently pulled of such coups as inducting Quicksilver as an honorary member and successfully defending the Mind Control Stories Archive from attack, the NADL are flush with confidence and ready to seek still greater victories. **************************************************************************** "Very well," Plotty narrowed his eyebrows menacingly. "But there shall be a reckoning for this day." Plotty promptly dematerialized. "Arrogant little upstart. Come Wulfy, let's see about getting you home," As he stepped towards the portal Fourthy turned to Kamiversal Jack and Mr. Duck. "You will not remember this." The anthropomorphic personifications of abstract literary constructs walked through the portal, which vanished behind them, leaving no trace behind. Except somewhere in the fifth dimension it left a nasty stain on the carpet. "Kasumi, send this message directly to Cupid's section of the Department of Mystic Destinies," Kamiversal Jack said as if nothing had happened. "I'm feeling kind of romantic today." "Yes Jack," Kasumi replied with a smile. **************************************************************************** Girls with Guns The Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots Hosted at: Improfanfic, http://www.improfanfic.com Originally created by David Kelk Chapter 36: Fated Love or: Lots of Small Chapters By Philip Barkow This episode dedicated to Elizabeth 'Arcangel' McCoy. **************************************************************************** "Com'n Aika! I've got a line on one of the Children of Chaos, but we've got to move quickly," Becky said hurriedly. "I'm coming," Aika replied plaintively. "Why are we going after the Children of Chaos, anyway?" "They have been classified as a level delta threat to American Security," Becky answered, lapsing into Agent B-3A mode. **************************************************************************** Elsewhere, a restaraunt owner rapidly headed towards bankruptcy as Lina Inverse took advantage of his 'All-You-Can-Eat' special. **************************************************************************** In a small concealed weaponry shop somewhere across town: "What can I do for you?" the Fink asked in practiced salesman's tones. "I'm having a minor problem with my daughter. I need a few rare parts to complete the device I'm working on," Nemesis Serendipity Villyn replied. **************************************************************************** "Your resume is impressive, but your lack of references disturbs me. I'll have to request a demonstration before I can hire you," Queen Pulsating, Bloated, Festering, Sweaty, Pus-filled, Malformed Slug-For-A-Butt stated imperiously. "Of course my Queen, a demonstration would be simple to arrange," Dr. Pfischer replied humbly. "Miss Davies, is the device ready?" "Yes, sir," Andraea Emira Davies replied in a business-like tone. "Then you may begin," Dr. Pfischer head. Pausing to finish her milkshake Andraea Emira Davies guided the still ensacked form of Sailor H into a device resembling an oversized waffle iron. "I hope you guys realize I get overtime pay," Sailor H said from underneath her sack. **************************************************************************** "Well, we should be getting going," Yugo suggested innocently. "Why, yes Yugo! I will go out with you!" Sofixupia said as she glomped the aforementioned demon hunter. From the shadows Ryo looked on suspiciously. **************************************************************************** "How long did you set the timer for?" Becky asked curiously. "Five seconds," Aika replied calmly. "We'd better get down then," suggested Becky. "What is that?" "Looks like the Locomotion," answered Aika. "No mortal can get down more [funkily] than the Orochi," the Avatar of the Void asserted confidently. Aika and Becky exchanged exasperated glances and dove behind a nearby parked car for cover. The car rocked back and forth as the explosives Aika had set blew out the gates of the chocolate factory. "Let's go in," Agent B-A3 recommended. "Right," Aika agreed, as the two Magical Girls headed into the choclate factory. "Weapons such as that are [insignificant] compared to the power of the [VOID], I will be the master of UltraGroove," the Orochi stated ominously as a pair of 'W's fell off the remains of the chocolate factory's sign. **************************************************************************** "Now Kasugano! We have a contest to complete," Annikki asserted threateningly. "We'll need to find a new judge," Sakura replied resignedly. "How about her," Annikki said pointing towards Caldara who was trying and failing to watch unseen from the not quite all-concealing shadows. "She's cute." "Who me?" Caldara asked surprisedly as Annikki suddenly pulled her out of her hiding spot. **************************************************************************** Notes: Quicksilver is a creation of Elizabeth 'Arcangel' McCoy. She is used here without permission. (To which Arcangel's probable reply would be to snicker and say "Not likely!" with a knowing smile.) The Mind Control Stories Archive is administered by Simon bar Sinister, its name is used without permission.