W4 sat at the breakfast table, a copy of GwG 39 in his left hand and the daily newspaper next to his bowl of cereal. "So," he said with a frown. "This is how Ravi felt after reading chapter 19 of 'Heart Heart High.' I better do something quick before this story is designated an Anti-W4 zone. But I can't just insert myself in the story, so I'll have to send in an avatar. But what..." W4 idly glanced at the Currents section of the newspaper. He glanced at the featured article which was about Furby hacking. His laughter could be heard for miles. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* GIRLS WITH GUNS: Because girls are cool and guns are cool, girls AND guns together are uber-cool. Think "Super Deformed Double Feature". The Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots Started By: David Kelk, dkelk@sympatico.ca This Chapter By: W4, the Mad Author (woofersan@home.com) Hosted at: Improfanfic, http://www.improfanfic.com Episode Forty: If You Can't Beat 'Em... */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Zereth and Fourthy, who had spent the past two episodes staring at each other, continued to stare at each other. "Do you think you could put the Rabbit Launcher down?" Fourthy asked. Zereth answered, "Well, maybe ifERK!" What caused Zereth to erk was a cardboard box hitting the side of his head and hitting the ground. "What the...?" Fourthy and Zereth asked at the same time. Keeping the Rabbit Launcher pointed at Fourthy, he opened the box. A note popped out. "What does it say?" Fourthy asked. Zereth shrugged, then replied, "Dunno... I'll read it." Dear Zereth, I need your cooperation with this chapter of "Girls with Guns". Load your Rabbit Launcher with the ammo I have provided and shoot Fourthy and Plotty. I'll meet up with you afterwards. W4, the Mad Author Zereth gasped, "This must be some sort of joke!" PS: This is not a joke. Zereth bigsweatted. He looked in the box and gasped. "My GOD!" he declared. Fourthy gulped, asking nervously, "What is it?" Zereth stuttered, "It's... it's... it's the Dead Sea Squirrels!" */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* MAGICAL DO-GOODERS Data Entry File #41919: The Dead Sea Squirrels Considered to be the Godson Ammo(tm) of Rabbit Launchers, the Dead Sea Squirrels can instantly kill any target. They're also make great wedding, bar mitzvah and housewarming gifts. Tap to berserk the ASPCA. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Fourthy gasped as Zereth loaded the two Dead Sea Squirrels into the Rabbit Launcher. "D... De... Dead... Dead Sea Squirrels?" he gasped. Zereth nodded absentmindedly. "Yeah. I'm supposed to shoot you and Plotty with them. That probably won't do much to you since you're..." *FWUMP* Zereth looked at Fourthy, who fainted. "Well, at least THIS target will be easy to hit," he commented to himself. He leveled the Rabbit Launcher at Fourthy's chest, took aim and fired. Fourthy exploded in a shower of polygons, sending Zereth flying back several yards and skidding onto the ground. He swore that he heard a pained yell and loud rumbling, but he rationalized that that was his stomach reminding him that it was lunchtime. As he picked himself up, he said, "Now, to find Plotty..." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Aika and Becky glanced worriedly at each other as they shuddered in unison. "D... did you just feel something?" Becky asked. Aika nodded. "I think I'm going to hurl," she stated. Becky looked around. "I have the sinking feeling that something is going to happen here." As if on queue, a loud voice announced, "FREE PIZZA IN THE SIDE ALLEY!" One second later, every single character that had ever been in an episode of "Girls with Guns" was crammed in the side alley. The side alley went from "nearly abandoned" to "tangled mass of flesh and limbs." "Ow! That's my [EYE]!" Orochibi cursed. "Ze chicks dig me," Hans stated. "Get your hands off of my butt!" Miss Moonshine hollered. "Yeah! Get your hands off of her butt and on mine instead!" Riot of the Controversy Aki added. "Aika!" Becky shouted. "What's going on? I'm scared!" Aika would have shrugged or shook her head if she wasn't pinned by Kamiversal Jack's hair. "I... don't know," she muttered, "...but I've got a BAD feeling about it." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Plotty looked down upon the story. He cursed, "What the hell are all the 'Girls with Guns' characters doing crammed in a side alley like that?" "Playing Twister, perhaps?" Zereth remarked as he launched a Dead Sea Squirrel at Plotty's chest. Plotty turned around just in time to see a Dead Sea Squirrel fly towards his face. "Oh, shit," he muttered as the shot locked onto his face. Zereth, aware of what was going to happen, grabbed onto a nearby door frame. When Plotty exploded into polygons, he was sufficiently anchored to hold his ground. But nothing could have prepared him for what happened next. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Yugo looked up. "Um, guys?" he squeaked. "The sky is falling! Really quickly, too!" Those whose faces weren't buried looked up... and gasped. Subcommander [Not Available At Your Request] gulped. "It's a good thing that my insurance is paid up," he yelped. "Oh, no. Not again," Miss Moonlight and the Flesh-Eating Weasel dryly remarked as if someone had told them that it was raining. What can only be described as an inky blackness rushed towards the side alley where the cast of "Girls with Guns" was currently being held. "Ryu-sama! Save me!" Sakura pleaded. "yOU mEAn thAt I wAs brOUght bAck frOm thE dEAd jUst tO dIE AgAIn?" Cthulthu cursed. "ThAt's wEAk. rEAlly, rEAlly wEAk." "...I just waented to go home," Fourthy sobbed. The black, inky blob slowly started devouring the "Girls with Guns" universe. Ikea raised an eyebrow. "Well... since no one will ever hear me..." he started. He then shouted, "YARSLOV, YOU UNDISCIPLINED BEACH BUM! I SCRAPED WOOD SHAVINGS OFF OF YOUR CHAIR! AND THEN YOUR SISTER AND I-" And then, there was nothing. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Zereth watched, stunned, as the inky blackness devoured everything it touched. For some reason, the inky blackness worked and weaved around him as it destroyed and absorbed. "This is pretty messed up," he thought to himself. Zereth heard a loud sucking noise and watched as the inky blackness began to consume itself. After what seemed like hours, the inky blackness was gone. Zereth looked up, down, to his sides, and behind him. There was absolutely, positively nothing whatsoever. Not even the ground, which he was PRETTY SURE he was staning on, was there. "What the..." he asked. A chirpy, mechanical voice replied, "You're in the [VOID]." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* MAGICAL DO-GOODERS Data Entry File #667: The [VOID] The [VOID] is best described as "The Epitome of Nothing". Nothing goes in. Nothing comes out. Nothing ever happened. Nothing happens. Nothing ever will happen. Not to be mistaken for Congress. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* "Th... THE [VOID]?" Zereth yelled. "I WAS SET UP!" "Get a clue!" the mechanical voice chirped. "If you were set up, you'd be voided like the rest of the cast! So take a few deep breaths. I've got a LOT to tell you." Zereth looked around, seeing nothing. "Who are you? Where are you?" he shouted. He heard a metallic sigh. "Go through the doorway, and you'll see me." A door ed into existence right in front of him. "Oh, this door," he gulped, bigsweatting. He opened the door and walked in. Once again, he was unprepared for what he saw. The room was as black as the outside was with the exception of the grey floor. Gravity applied in this room, so he entered with a thud. But the most unnerving thing to him was the six-foot-tall blue furby with white slacks. It was currently standing over Zereth. Zereth stood up and gulped. "A... a giant furby?" he gasped. The furby wobbled as if to nod. "Yes. I'm W4's temporary avatar." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* MAGICAL DO-GOODERS Data Entry File #9428: Woo-fur, the Mad Furby Real Name: Woo-fur, the Mad Furby Occupation: Hastily-Assembled Avatar of W4, the Mad Author (All statistics are rated on a scale of 1 to 10... by Mokona.) Intelligence: Puu. Age: Puuuuu... Common sense: PUU! Measurements: Puu!-Puu.-Puuu! Reflexes: Puuuu... Blood Type: Puu. Technical: Puu? Favorite Food: Puuu! Body: Puuuu.. Least Favorite Food: Puuu... Looks: PUU! Hobbies: Puu! Puuuu puuu Charisma: PUU. puuu! Luck: Puuuu? Hit Points: PUU!/PUUUU! Mana: Puuuuu?/PUU! AC: Puuuuu.... Abilities: -Death-Ray Lasers installed in the eyes -Reenforced beak can bite through rock -Jet-pack for limited hovering ability -Immune to Furby languages May have the Pink Power Stone With Purple Polka Dots. May induce berserker tendencies among holiday shoppers. Tap for Toys-R-Xpensive Gift Certificates. W4, the Mad Author, decided that it was time to take the bullish plotlines of "Girls with Guns" by the horns. But, if his #Improfanfic sessions were any indication, direct interference would get him killed VERY QUICKLY. Rushing to beat the deadline, he hastily hacked a furby and sent it into the GwGverse. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Zereth finished reading the data entry file. "So he sent in a giant furby? I had no idea he was such a floof," he mused. Woo-fur glared at Zereth, zapping him with Death-Ray Lasers. "W4 IS NOT A FLOOF, YOU BLUE-HAIRED BOOB!" it shrieked. "GYEARGH! Stop it!" Zereth hollered. Woo-fur stopped its attack, and Zereth slumped down to the ground, medium-rare. "Um... how did I survive that?" he asked as his injuries magically vanished. Woo-fur replied, "Simple. I can't directly attack THE NEW PLOT OF 'GIRLS WITH GUNS!'" Zereth gasped. "...you mean..." Woo-fur nodded. "Congratulations!" it exclaimed. "You're the new Plotty!" There was a long pause. Woo-fur explained, "W4 noticed that Plotty was slowly decaying, becoming less of a metaphysical entity and more of an actual character. He figured that one way to reverse that would be to take a pre-existing character and convert the character to a metaphysical force." "But why me?" Zereth asked. "Simple," Woo-fur replied. "Your ability to exist on both sides of the Fourth Wall gives you focus points and anchors for your new-found metaphysical powers." "Okay," Zereth commented with a nod. "So what are you doing here, then?" Woo-fur answered, "I'm supposed to help you pick a new Fourthy and get the story started again. Once that is done, I'll self-destruct." "KEWL!" Zereth exclaimed. Woo-fur wobbled. "Which part? New Fourthy or me self-destructing?" it asked. "Both!" Zereth shouted with a maniacal grin. Woo-fur gulped. "ANYWAYS..." it loudly stated. "Your first order of business is to create a new Fourthy." "How do I do that?" Zereth asked. "Just think one up. Literally," Woo-fur explained. Zereth stood in deep concentration for several minutes. Woo-fur watched intently. Its vigil was interrupted by a loud . When the blue smoke cleared, it saw Princess Anniki. Princess Anniki embraced Zereth from behind. "Greetings, Zerplotty," she whispered in his ear. "I'm Anfourthy, and I'm looking forward to working side-by-side with you. And under you. And on top of you. And..." Zereth blushed and nodded. He was QUITE pleased with his choice. Woo-fur rolled its eyes and sighed. "Before you two start 'Getting To Know Each Other', there's ONE MORE THING you have to do!" Woo-fur shouted. Zerplotty and Anfourthy looked at Woo-fur, confused. "You have to restart the story!" it hissed. "Oh!" Zereth exclaimed. "And when I do that, you blow yourself up, right?" Woo-fur facefaulted. "I know JUST what to do!" Zereth exclaimed. "Once upon a time..." */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Once upon a time, two schoolgirls had Rabbit Launchers pointed at each other's heads. One was a brunette who was dressed in a mix between Army fatigues and a school uniform. The other was a blonde-haired lady with a grey trenchcoat over a green-and-yellow-splotched sailor fuku. "You stole the last candy bar on earth, Aika!" the blonde hissed. "Prepare to die!" Aika snarled, "You gave my pet hamster a severe spanking! Prepare to die, Becky!" In the distance, Akane Tendo watched with binoculars with an evil grin on her face. "Yes," she mused, "Fight each other to the death. And if one of you should survive, then I'll tend to the 'winner' myself!" Akane's laughter was drowned out by the sound of two Rabbit Launchers being fired. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Woo-furby exploded in a cloud of furby fur and electronic parts. Zerplotty chuckled. "He really DID blow up! Wasn't that neat, Afourthy?" Anfourthy nodded. */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* */\* Author's Notes: (C, E-Flat and G) HAH! HAH! AND HAH AGAIN! I figured that since throwing previous author's chapters and storylines out the window was becoming a trend in GwG, I should take it to the extreme! That, and I got to fit in my Anti-Akane Bias(tm), too! This is probably going to be, hands-down, the worst thing I've ever done for Improfanfic (yes, worse than "The Dark, Bottomless Well", if such a thing can be imagined .), but it feels so gooooooood. Many thanks go to Roe for the one-day extension and Zereth and ravi for prereading. http://www.students.rhodes.edu/%7Eknoke/indie/indie.html Go. Write. Be Merry.