Zereth sighed and pulled up AIM. "Calli, what the hell do you think you're doing bringing Jack back into the story?" "Don't you mean newt-boy?" "Okay, fine, newt-boy. This was SUPPOSED to be a fresh new start for the story!" "I don't remember any newts in it before." "... Good point. What about your SI, though?" "I needed a data file to take up space." "... *mutter* Oh, by the way, can you preread this scene for me?" "It is not suckful." "Okay, good." *** Girls with Guns chapter 44: Rampage! Aika and Becky get "Volunteered"! OR It's not mythology, Woofer! ^_^ OR Damn, that's a lot of newts, isn't *poof* meep! Origonal concept by David Kelk. This part by Benjamin "Zerplotty" Kercheval. *** Aika and Becky were inside the rocket ship, frantically trying to come up with an escape plan. "I see your 5 yen and raise you 10." Okay, okay, so they were playing poker. It's close, anyway. ************************************************************************ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry 3d6+12: Poker Type: Card game Damage: +-1d100% of initial cash Saving throw: Roll versus intelligence. If you make it, you realize you're almost certainly NOT gonna make any money and go do somthing more productive, like burn it. Not very edible. Tap to annoy players. The pot may contain the one ring. This card game was invented by... um... somebody. Who cares? Typically played by card sharks, card barracudas, and card dolphins. ************************************************************************ "Call." Just then, the rocket flew into... A Plot Hole! (DundunDUN!) *** Akane batted the spiky-haired newt off her head and pulled out a mallet. "Hey! Hey! You can't use that!" Akane looked around in puzzlement, brandishing her mallet. "Who said that??" A blue-haired teenager materialized in front of her and shot the mallet out of her hands with a well-aimed rabbit. "I, Zerplotty, did!" Jinnai picked up the newt and placed it on his shoulder. "This is getting strange, isn't it?" "Meep." "And WHY can't I use my mallet?" "Because this is Girls with Guns!" "... And?" Zerplotty sighed. "You have to use one or more guns. Because you're a girl. Here, use this." He then handed her a briefcase containing a matched pair of laser-sight equpped Glocks, and MP5 submachinegun, and a dismantled sniper rifle. "But... but I don't know how to use these!" "Nonsense! Of course you do! This is, after all, Girls with Guns! And now, my work here is done." Zerplotty vanished with a loud *SCHPLURNT* noise. Akane looked at the weapons. "Um... was I doing something?" Newtiversal Jack sweatdropped. *** Suddenly, a plot hole opened in the middle of a Liandri-owned city and out popped the rocket ship, which promptly crashed. It sat there for a moment, then there was a loud explosion and the airlock went flying off. Aika and Becky crawled out of the wreckage, coughing. "What the hell just happened, Aika?" "Damn, and just when I was about to win 1200 yen off you." "... Aika, I don't suppose you've noticed that we're in completely unfamiliar territory, and surrounded by offical-looking thugs? Who are you guys, anyway?" "We're NEG goons, and we're going to arrest you and force you to fight in the Liandri tournaments." Aika sweatdropped. "Um... Why?" The head NEG goon sweatdropped too. "Um... Because we're evil, I think. I'm not really sure..." "Oh. Well, um... Do we get to use guns?" "Yes." "Okay, sounds like fun. What do you say, Becky?" "We should be looking for a way to get back home," said Agent BA-3. "No we shouldn't. See? I've got this note from Zerplotty right here. `Let yourself get kidnapped and forced to fight in the Liandri tournaments.' See?" Becky sweatdropped. "Um... yeah." *** Jinnai sat at a table in a resteraunt, with with Newtiversal Jack on the other side. "So, what happened to you?" "Meep." "Wow. Really?" "Meep meep meep-meep." "I see. Too bad." "Meep, meepity meep meep." "Well, yes, I suppose there is that." *** Somewhere, there was a TV tuned to a news show. "The number of citizens that have been turned into newts has risen dramatically in the last 4 hours, by nearly 1000% over the entire last year. Experts attribute this to the rise in twinkie sales, due to the Barnes Factor-" Calli shot the TV with her Newt Gun, turning it into a very, very confused small pink newt. "Meep?" *** Akane sat in front of her TV, watching the latest episode of All My Spankings. "You see, Katie, the holes reduce the air speed velocity, due to decreased surface area. This allows a greater force to be applied by..." "Professor, shut up and spank me!" Just then, Akane's TV turned into a small pink newt as well. *** "Experts attribute the rise in TVs turning into small pink newts to the *poof* meep?" *** "Ah, rose. The color of the flowers of my garden, the fresh dawn, and my husband's newly paddled ass." "Mphh! Mphh!" "Quiet, dear. I'm being poet-*poof*-meep." *** "Experts attribute the rise in scenes with TVs showing scenes from All My Spankings to *poof* meep." *** ************************************************************************ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry sqrt(-31241.1): Things Turning Into Small Pink Newts Cost: 3 Silly mana. Play as an interrupt. Tap to fire newt at something else. This plot devices is renowned for its silliness. It consits entirely of things turning into newts. ************************************************************************ *** Jinnai rushed into the room, Newtiversal Jack riding on his shoulder. "Quick! Everything's turning into newts! We must stop this!" "Meep!" Akane blinked. "Um... wait, aren't we supposed to be evil?" "Yes, but Calli is bribing Zereth to try and get Aika and Becky written out of the story." "Oh, of course. That makes sense. To Camp Nookie, then!" *** Jinnai sweatdropped. "Okay, we're here. _WHY_ are we at Camp Nookie?" "To take part in sensual extracurricular activities, of course", Akane replied. "And oh yeah, to give Zereth a chance to use more Mad Lib references." "... Ah, of course." "... meep." "Yes, good point." *** Meanwhile, the Impro Inquistion (less Mystic Advisor Flibbity Wumpus) turned into small pink newts. In aardvark costumes. *** And now, a halibut! "...," said the halibut. *** Meanwhile, Aika and Becky were running through a former mining facility, firing wildly at anybody else they saw. But Calli has just bribed me to not say anything about this, so we'll be moving on to another scene. *** Jinnai, Newtiversal Jack, and Akane left Camp Nookie. "Akane, now that we've masterd the [THRUST], what will we do? And how is this supposed to help us stop everything turning into small pink newts?" In the background, Camp Nookie turned into a small pink newt. "Isn't it obvious?" "No." "Meep." Jinnai nodded. "Yeah, what Jack said." Akane posed dramatically. "It's obvious! We can use the [THRUST] Slave to... um... okay, how _can_ we use our brand new [THRUST]ing skills to stop everything turning into small pink newts?" Jinnai and Jack sweatdropped. *** Meanwhile, the Secret Newt Masters gathered to discuss their scheme. "Meep?" "Meep. Meep meep meepity meep." "Meeep, meep-meep?" "Mee-eep." "Meepity meepity meep." "Meep, meepity meep-meep?" "Meep." Then, they all left, their discussion concluded. *** Suddenly, Zereth noticed that this part was past due and sent it. Authors Random Crap At The End: Special thanks to: W4 and everybody who participated in those mad libs, for "Camp Nookie" and "All My Spankings". ChrisN, for the "All My Spankings" dialouge. Stephica for supplying the reason for Akane to actually go to Camp Nookie. Illyria for the halibut. And Calli for prereading and general advice. Yes, it's short. I got distracted. Oh, and Woofer: IT'S NOT MYTHOLOGY! Bwahahahahah!