The Author regarded looked over the fourth wall and regarded the last Girls with Guns chapter. And lo; he saw that it was good. Very good. "Well there's no way I'm going to top that," the author stated with great certainty. "Agreed. All the same, I'm glad I wasn't there," his Ursine Avatar said, spontaneously coming into existence. (Well, not really. But if I want to hear voices, it's my business. Capiche?) "No, the death of an SI is never a pretty thing. Anyway, what should I do next?" "Well, next is supposed to be the dinner scene." "I can't really see Akane sitting down to dinner with Becky and Aika. Can you?" "Depends, who's getting eaten?" "Hmm...." "Well?" "I was just thinking that Woofer-san has a much nicer muse than I do." "No excuses." "Alright. Let's try a Villain of the Week." (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) GIRLS WITH GUNS The Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots Now with added Peanut Butter! Started By: David Kelk, dkelk@sympatico.ca This Chapter By: Philip Barkow pbarkow@is2.dal.ca Hosted at: Improfanfic, http://www.improfanfic.com Episode Forty-Six: The Justly Dead (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) An apparently spit-shined boot heedlessly came down in the rather unpleasant, icky mess that was once known as Calli. Despite the way the oozing remains splattered, none of the goo landed on the boots, which improbably managed to remain reflectively clean. The boot's owner bishonenly brushed his bangs out of his eyes and made a slight adjustment to the strap that was somehow holding an eight foot sword (not only does it do more damage, but it also has twice as many materia slots as the Masamune; all junctioned), nonchalantly on his back. As if this slight adjustment had made a major difference to the integrity of the fabric of the space-time continuum, he journeyed on with an almost palpable air of self satisfaction. (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) "Hey Akane, how have you been?" Aika called out cheerfully. "Oh yeah!" Her eyes opening in realization, and smiling as if at a pleasant remembrance. "I remember, we met during that incident on the Mars Base." "You think I'm willing to just forget?" Akane asked in an unmistakable tone of malice. "After what the two of you did..." "Are you still sore about that fling we had with your girl friend?" "I think her name was Ranma," Aika said, turning towards Becky, who nodded in agreement. "He was not a girl!" Akane shouted in response, almost crying. "Oh, you hadn't realized that she was a cross-dresser?" Becky asked sympathetically. "No wonder you're so upset about it." "I must admit she was very good," Aika stated calmly. Becky nodded in agreement. "The best I've ever known. At cross-dressing that is," Aika added hastily, blushing slightly. Akane opened her mouth to reply, but before she could form words the door swung open, apparently of its own accord. The lightning flashed; a bishonen form, impeccably clad in a black jumpsuit, appeared to take advantage of the backlighting effect it provided. (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #5478-H: Nigh-Invincible SI Full Name: Samuel Claymore Occupation: Self Insertion Character from a Ranma One Half / Final Fantasy Seven fusion fan fic. (All statistics are rated from one to ten) Intelligence: 10 Age: At his prime Reflexes: 10 Measurements: Well Built Technical: 10 Blood Type: O- Body: 10 Favorite Food: The chi of female Looks: 10 martial artists Charisma: 10 Least Favorite Food: Spinach Cool: 10 Hobbies: Winning. Luck: Irritatingly good. Patronizing main characters. Hit Points: 9999/9999 Mana: 345/416 AC: -10 Abilities: -Has all known Materia at the Master level -Master of Anything Goes Martial Arts, all known schools -Looks good under any conditions -Aura of Smooth Edible only if it's a lemon fic. Tap to see an excellent blocking technique executed flawlessly. Background: Samuel is the archetypal bad self insertion character. He is the embodiment of all that SVAM stands against. Girls automatically fall in love with him, and he beats the regular characters without breaking a sweat. Nothing vaguely humanoid can defeat him. (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) "It ends here, my hated enemy," the bishonen paused dramatically before continuing. "This time, it will be to the death." Aika and Becky swooned simultaneously. Falling towards one another, they bumped heads and made slight expressions of pain. Akane started to stare moonily, but gritted her teeth and managed to resist. Seemingly noticing the female population of the room for the first time, the bishonen spoke. "This fight is too dangerous for the likes of you. I suggest you depart forthwith." Aika and Becky reluctantly tread backwards out of the room, pausing to gaze upon the bishonen's perfect form. Akane headed out with a distinct expression of relief. (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) As the three females entered the Control Room, the Mad Pecker closed the door behind them and sealed the blast shields over the windows. "Eww!" Becky exclaimed. "I feel..." Aika paused, a distinct expression of disgust on her face. "Dirty." "What was that anyway?" asked Becky. "An Aura of Smooth," Akane answered. "I've encountered them before, so I've managed to build up a slight resistance. Otherwise I would have been swooning along with the two of you." "The Control Room's shields will protect temporarily," The Mad Pecker advised. "But if he gets in here, I'll be his life long friend, and the three of you will be fighting over who gets to sleep with him." "Self-insertion is a terrible thing," Akane stated in grave agreement. Becky shuddered in disgust. "I need to shower." "Actually, I don't think you want to do that," Aika warned. "Why not?" "There's a hentai author writing this episode." "Oh, right. Isn't there supposed to be a fourth wall preventing us from being aware of things like that?" "AnFourthy took over that job. She's more easily distracted from her official duties than her predecessor was." "I would imagine so. Something just occurred to me, though. Aren't most of our authors hentai?" "That might explain how we inexplicability ended up on a rocket with a naked man." "In that case, we might as well go shower." "Sounds good to me. I get to wash your back first." "Sure," Becky paused. "The hentai author is writing us out of character again, isn't he?" "Yep," Aika replied and then reached over and pinched Becky's rear. Becky giggled slightly in response. "Let's enjoy it while it lasts." (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) Having been deserted by the uncharacteristically amorous couple on which she had sworn vengeance, Akane turned to the Mad Pecker. "Is it safe to leave yet?" "Just a sec, I'll check." The Mad Pecker regarded the sensor readouts. "Energy levels have dropped. One way or another it should be over now." The Mad Pecker pressed a single button and the blast shields receded to reveal the scene of devastation the battle had wrought. However, it had not been in vain, the can of Spam stood triumphant over the corpse of the SI. (<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>)(<#>) Author's Notes: Does anyone know where to find the continuation of Tomb Raider? The Ranma 1/2 self insertion fan fic, that is. Nothing to do with a certain popular video game. I think the fic was written by Kunoichi (also known as Kun-chan). I hope I didn't do too badly on this part. Obviously I can not hope to compare to the craft of the Mistress. Everyone remember to read Fate Game! Oh, and sign up for Hentai Hunter Gaia.