Hello, kiddies! It's time for another Fun Science Moment with the one and only Dr. Shockwave! DR. SHOCKWAVE: Hello there. For today's Fun Science Moment, we will explore a fascinating topic: relative plot density. Relative plot density is a measure of the complexity of an Impro's plot in terms of effort required to understand it, in relation to other Impros. To begin with, let's look at our own fic, Girls with Guns. We can calculate its relative plot density by means of this simple formula: /-- --\ 48 | DG*(HHH+H!) / FW/ZE \2 | D =| ----------- + | ----- | + (FAQ*MGH)| GwG | -6 | 19| | | FFL \ FF:F / | \-- --/ DR. SHOCKWAVE: Of course, this is only the short version. After a few hours' calculation, it becomes apparent that, if the plot of Girls with Guns were a physical substance, it would weigh approximately 835,246,028,250,194,835,173.2348 pounds per cubic inch. Now you know! ********************** GIRLS WITH GUNS: The Improbab-- DR. SHOCKWAVE: Hey, you haven't done the now-traditional opening peek beyond the fourth wall! Oh, for pity's sake. All right. "Hmm," said the Author. [PAUSE] DR. SHOCKWAVE: Is that it? Yes. DR. SHOCKWAVE: Can I at least have a Data File? No. At least, not yet ... BWAHAHAHAHA! ********************** GIRLS WITH GUNS: The Ever-Increasingly Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots Started by David Kelk (dkelk@sympatico.ca) This chapter by Mervyn the Wonder Slug (mervynwonderslug@yahoo.com) Hosted by Improfanfic http://www.improfanfic.com Episode Forty-Seven: The Just Deadly ********************** "Aika?" asked Becky. "Yes?" "Why are you touching intensely personal portions of my body?" "The last author was a hentai, remember?" "Oh, yes. So it wouldn't really be fair of me to break your arm in seven places." "No, not really." Pause. "You can take your hand away now, you know." ********************** Outside the remains of the Unbelievably Fubar'd Ocelot, Akane and the Mad Pecker were cavorting around with the can of Spam supported on a palanquin. "Spam Spam Spam Spam, Spam Spam Spam Spam, lovely Spaaaaaam, wonderful Spaaam!" they sang, dancing around and over the deceased Samuel. Aika and Becky emerged from the Ubiquitiously Flatulant Omlette, hastily dressed and somewhat red in the face. "Huzzah," cried the Mad Pecker, "for Spam has slain the gratuitously omnipotent SI! Let us do the mad dance of insane joy!" "I'll pass, thanks," said Aika. "Uh, guys?" said Becky. "Was there a dark ominous looming castle up ahead before?" They looked. They blinked (except the Spam). "Nnnnooooooo," said Akane. "And I don't think we were in the middle of nowhere with only a broken-down..." "Unexplainedly Fibrous Otter," supplied the Mad Pecker. Thunder rumbled. ********************** ZerPlotty sat up in alarm. "Hey, waitaminnit!" he cried. "That's not what was supposed to happen! I'd better--" AHEM, an ominously voiceless voice AHEMed. An ominously bodiless body in ominous black robes stepped from the shadows behind the Mystical Advisor-cum-metaphysical construct. Ominously. SURELY YOU HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN WHAT HAPPENED TO THE *LAST* PLOT WHO TRIED TO BECOME AN ACTIVE ELEMENT OF THE STORY? "Well, I, that is--" ZerPlotty heard the ominous click of a loaded Rabbit Launcher behind his head. He looked at the small pile of polygons in the corner that had been his predecessor. "--I think I'll, um, count my toes, or something." The figure nodded ominously. "Uh, who are you?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #???-?: Ominous Figure Full name: Ominous Figure of Dark Foreboding and Intent Occupation: Ominous figuring, dark foreboding and intent (All statistics rated from ? to ?) Intelligence: ? Age: Possibly Reflexes: ? Measurements: ? Technical: ? Blood: Doubtful Body: Maybe Favorite Food: Does it eat? Looks: Ominous Least favorite food: See above Charisma: Unlikely Hobbies: Indiscriminate slaughter and/or Cool: Yes adaptation of extraneous plot threads Luck: Unknown Hit points: ?????/????? Mana: ?????/????? AC: +/-? Abilities: -? -! -Loom -Threaten -TALK LIKE OTTO Background: ??? ??????? ?????? ?? ? ?????? ?????? ??????????? ?? ????? ?????????'? ????? ??? ? ???????????? ??????-?????? ?????? ??????. ??? ???? ?? ?? ??????? ????? ?? ???. ??? ??????? ?? ??????? ??? ???????, ?? ??? ??? ?????. Has the Rabbit Launcher of Singularity. May have the Mystical ? of Xyz. Tap for something unexpected. Note: May be [transmission error] ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I see," ZerPlotty said weakly. ********************** Jinnai surveyed the ravaged landscape with puzzlement. "Weren't they just here?" he wondered. "Meep," said Jack. "Moop," agreed Newt. "Akane? Sweetie? Honeykins? Where are you? Aieeeeeeeeeee!" "Meeeeeeep!" "Mooooooop!" These screams arose when Jinnai stepped into a hole and plunged into eerie, damp, subterranean darkness, carrying Jack and Newt with him. They landed damply in the muck at the bottom of the hole. Jinnai slowly became aware that he was surrounded by newts in black robes, carrying tiny flashlights. "Meep," said the leader of the Secret Newt Masters. "[MEEP]," said Jack. The Secret Newt Masters bowed low, indeed. ********************** "Are you sure this is wise?" asked Becky, as Akane raised her hand to knock on the door of the looming castle. "Well, we're in the middle of nowhere, there's no road in sight, the..." "Unfunctional Flying Object," supplied the Mad Pecker. "...obviously isn't going anywhere, and it's raining rather hard, really. So, why don't the two of you stay out here and die while Mr. Pecker and I go inside and keep warm?" Akane raised her hand to knock again. The door swung open, causing her to miss and almost fall. A black-clad bishounen appeared in the door frame and stared at them. They stared back. Several minutes passed. "Yeeeeeeees?" said the bishounen. "Er, that is, we were--" "This way," said the bishounen, turning and stepping into the darkness. Becky, Aika, Akane, the Mad Pecker, and the can of Spam followed with great trepidation. Inside was another man with a ridiculously false beard. "You're in luck," he said. "Tonight is one of the Master's...affairs." "Indeed," said the bishounen. "Follow." "Um," said Becky. "Where are we?" "This is the castle of Dr. Shockenfurter." Thunder rumbled. The bishounen led them to a circular room crammed with rather suspicious dignitaries and a drape-covered object on a table. In the center, near the table, stood a man dressed in multiple layers of lingerie. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #555-4321: Dr. Shockenfurter Full name: Dr. Shockenfurter Occupation: Loon (All statistics rated from 1 to 10) Intelligence: 10 Reflexes: 4 Age: Several thousand years Technical: 9 Measurements: Unknown Body: 5 Blood: Presumably, yes Looks: 5 Favourite Food: Guacamole Charisma: 3 Least favorite food: Rusty thumbtacks, Cool: 4 Spam Luck: Ill Hobbies: Designing, er, stuff; engineering superpowered produce Hit points: 38/38 Mana: 4/4 AC: -1 Abilities: -Master of rationalization -Mad Ninja Scientist Skillz -Green thumb -Vast array of frilly underthings Background: After his business venture in the world of, er, stuff ran into marketeering and extortion charges, Dr. Shockwave began searching for something to occupy his time. He was then thrust into an unholy IFF/RHPS fusion by a sadistic and cranky author annoyed with the inability of the fic to maintain an angle for more than twelve seconds at a time. Sadly, his flunkies, Yoshi and Tony, have been trapped along with him. Tap for flaming produce. Note: May be Tim Curry in fishnet stockings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Yoshi! Tony!" the man snapped. "Our guests are...wet. Strip them to their underwear." "Um, why?" "Gratuitious fanservice...!" "Uh, boss," said Tony, indicating the Mad Pecker, "this one's naked." Dr. Shockenfurter sighed. "Well then, dress him and then strip him to his underwear. Do I have to think of everything?" He swerved from intense, impatient overlord to smarmy host. "Good evening," he oozed. "Your timing could not have been more perfect, for tonight I unveil my ultimate work. For I have discovered the secrets of...LIFE ITSELF...!" Dr. Shockenfurter posed dramatically as the gathered suspicious dignitaries applauded politely. Aika, Becky, Akane, and the Mad Pecker exchanged a four-way look of worry. The can of Spam maintained its usual cool demeanor. "Now, I shall show you my...ultimate creation...! My...FLAMING KUMQUAT OF DOOM...!" Thunder rumbled. "It's not the only thing that's flaming around here," Aika muttered. "SILENCE...!" "How do you do that thing with your exclamation points?" wondered the Mad Pecker. ********************** Jinnai rose from the hole, cackling maniacally, riding on a wave of... newts. "Hahahahahaha! With my new army, nothing will stop me from ruling the world! Nothing!" "Meep!" "Moop!" "Oh all right, with some help, admittedly. And now, ONWARD, MY LEGIONS!" ********************** SOON, said the Ominous Figure of Dark Forboding and Intent, in an ominous and darkly forboding manner. SOON... If it had had fingers, it would have steepled them. [OMINOUS CHORD] ********************** Author's Notes: ...do not exist. Bleh. Thanks to W4 for prereading. Ye Requisitte Plugge: http://www.students.rhodes.edu/~knoke/indie/indie.html knoke@rhodes.edu mervynwonderslug@yahoo.com