In RL, The Student Author logged into IRC during his lunch break. "Hmm..." He said to himself. "I knew I forgot something. Now if I can only remember what it was..." *** Now talking in #improfanfic Signus> oi Demota> Hi. Signus> feeling better now Demota? Demota> Not really. Demota> ;_; Demota> Just feel utterly crappy. Demota> Myth just basically dumped me, my life is as dark as always, nobody even cares enough IRL to say "Hi", and I've lost my ability to make jokes. Demota> ... Demota> >_< * Lurker patpats Demota. Lurker> You'll get over it. Lurker> It'll get better. Lurker> You'll see. * Signus gahs Signus> ack! GwG part! *** Signus is now known as Sig-GwG "Must... finish... Impro... part..." The Shatner-impersonating Author mumbled as he started up Notepad, scaring the sanitary napkin out of the coed sitting at the terminal next to him. * * * In MaRaMaLa's Lair, The Secretive Author Avatar was suffering from a mental block. "Crap... this is not good," he grumbled. "I need an inspiration." With an loud *SPLOOT!*, the Saguinious Author's Draconic Avatar Alter-Ego puffed (Puff the Magic Dragon, Living by the--*FWOOSH*! Damn random train of thought) into existence. "What's next on the schedule, Siggy?" "Well..." the Said Author replied, "I was thinking of writing you in as a Villian of the Week, the usual." "Oh? What's the series called." "Girls with Gu--*GACK*!" D' Fat Dragon Scribe squeezed his fellow Avatar's neck with one claw. (Actually with the thumb and forefinger of his right claw, since he's so big, but are you gonna argue with a sixty-plus footer mythical being?) "Let's get one thing straight here: I am Our Creator's first and most favorite Avatar. Therefore, I do not submit to your petty little powerplays, got that?" "But, but... I'm your... manager..." "I LET you be my Grand Merchandizeable Clash of Authors manager. I am not the standard fictional character you can just tug at with your Writer strings. Remember that," the Dragon finished, dropping the other face-first into the ground. "What... what about the story?" The Strangled Author coughed. "You figure it out yourself." "Damn..." * * * GIRLS WITH GUNS, or how I carried on after my Impro ended The Totally Improbable Adventures of Improfanfic's Co-Mascots Started by: David Kelk (dkelk@sympatico.ca) http://www3.sympatico.ca/dkelk/fun/ This chapter by: Signus Megido (maramala@hotmail.com) http://hello.to/maramala Hosted by: Improfanfic http://www.improfanfic.com Episode Forty-Eight: The Rapturously Quick And The Pretty Deadly Moon Circus Riot Act * * * "Geez..." Zerplotty commented. "This is getting out of hand. Maybe I should..." "Should what, Plotty?" The Singularity Author said as he appeared behind Zerplotty without fanfare. "Eh... eheheheh... Wash the dishes? I think I left them all in the sink..." "You wish to fix things, am I right?" The Seer Author interrupted. "C'mon, you don't have to lie to me." Zerplotty nodded weakly. "I suppose... I'm gonna be punished for this." To Zerplotty's surprise, the Shifty Author shook his head. "No... In fact, I happen to agree with your sentiments. We need to shake this Impro up, or Girls with Guns will become stagnant if the story keeps on doing things this way." "What about the Ominous Figure?" Zerplotty looked around nervously. "What can I do now?" "Don't pay attention to the man behind the curtain. Let's get things moving, starting with the Dynamic Duo." "But, but..." Zerplotty protested, we're supposed to be doing an RHPS parody!" "Screw it. Never liked that crappy movie anyway." The next thing the Girls with Guns Plot knew, the Surreal Author was gone. * * * Our protagonists are in trouble. Lured into a strange, forboding castle, they meet the mad doctor Kichi...er, Doctor Shockenfurter, and were stripped to their underwear by the loony's two associates, Yoshi and Tony. Or rather, Becky, Aika and Akane were stripped to their underwear, while the Mad Pecker was made to dress up in a suit before being stripped down to his underwear. As for the famous SI Avatar Slayer, the mighty can of Spam was considered too cool to be subjected to this rather low form of gratituous fanservice. Right after doing so, Doctor Shockenfurther unveiled his most dastardly creations: The Flaming Kumquat Of Doom. By this time, the girls would have started screaming. Well, that would have been the usual case were these girls happened to be your typical action movie damsels in distress, In which they would start screaming their cute heads off in a high-pitched glass-shattering tone and crying massive buckets of tears. Other typical in-character behavior for the standard damsels in distress would include running around in erratic circular patterns, swinging their arms in wild and dangerous arcs, wringing their hands while muttering incoherently. And of course don't forget the screaming. Lots and lots of really loud and deafening screaming. Unfortunately for the good Doctor Shockenfurter, Becky and Aika are not what you can call your typical action movie damsel in distress. Unless you consider Ripley, Makoto Kusanagi, Phoebe, Priss, and Sarah Connor as damsels in distress. They're not even in distress, if the meaning definition of distress is still synonymous with damger or trouble, and this said synonyms are still appicable in this day and age of this specific chibi-reality where our two heroines and impro-mascots are currently in. Ah, but our Sommambulist Author rants! ...Er, Phoebe? Where did that one come from? "Would you get on with it!?!" Becky and Aika threw their collective hands up in exasperation. ...Huh? You're not supposed to notice me? How come? "We can here you loud and clear!" The two heroines of the Girls with Guns chibi-impro chimed simultaneously. ...Uhm, excuse me for a moment. (As the Sychopant Author leaves, a confused running gag enters the scene.) UHM: What the hfil is going on?!? Where the hfil am I now?!? AIKA: Who the hell are you? UHM: I'm Uhm. AIKA: Uhm? UHM: Uhm. AIKA: Uhm? UHM: Yes, Uhm. AIKA: Oh, Uhm? UHM: It is Uhm! Uhm! Uhm! Get it! BECKY: Well, Uhm, or whoever you are... I hfil suggest that you hfil duck. UHM: What the hfil...?!? (UHM turns around to face...) FLAMING KUMQUAT OF DOOM: GWAR!!! UHM: O.O KYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! BECKY: Isn't that a rock band? AIKA: No one got that gag the first time the Sneaky Author used it. UHM: Damn you, Slash Author! BECKY: Where is our Silly Author, anyway? * * * AnFourthy was sunbathing in the Boracay Beach Resort when she felt a gentle nudge on her backside. "Go 'way," she muttered, rolling away from the offending nudge. The nudging became an insistent prodding. "Stop that," she grumbled, batting the said offending prod away. She paused as the felt up the limb. The said pole was somewhat warm, smooth, firm, thick and long, with a slick roundish nub on the end. Slowly the image association registered in her mind, or what little part of her said mind that still remembered that she used to be Princess Annikki. AnFourthy quickly sat up in shock. "You..." The Sukebe Author grinned evilly. "Hi, AnFourthy. I'm the Slick Author for this part." AnFourthy slowly looks over the Spastic Author down, blushing involuntarily at the rather-impressive sight of the massive weapon in his mighty meaty hands. The stout rod looked as if the hard rock-solid body was throbbing red-hot, as if the tube was lustily pulsing with dark malevolent power, ready to explode at the moment the owner releases all the pent-up energy contained within. "You pervert!" AnFourthy screamed, quickly shielding her eyes from the sight. "You like what you see?" "Dammit, you... I don't care if you're one of the G_O_D Authors or even one of the Saviors of Impro yourself. Put on some pants!" The Scolded Author pouted, then struck a manly pose. "Why? You don't like my kawaii boxers?" "Honestly..." AnFourthy's right eyebrow twitched. "I don't mind the beefcake, but those SD-Becky and SD-Aika patterned shorts are just so fanboyishly geeky on you." The Sniper Author shifted his pose and poked AnFourthy's nose with the Panzer Assault Cannon Mk.3 that he was nudging her with earlier. What? Were you thinking something else? Hentai! *WHAP!* "Care to repeat that, Fourth Wall?" "Wait, you can't threaten me..." AnFourthy quickly changed gears. "If I go, this chibi-impro goes down with me!" This textbook ploy would have worked. Unfortunately, Brigandier was not fully repaired then, having been in battle with several waves of Aveh Gears, PLUS the party was facing the Red Metal Gear for the very first time... wait, wrong fic. "No excuses," the Strict Author readied the Panzer Assault Cannon for firing. "I'm here to remind you to do your job from here on." "What if I refuse? You'll kill me, just like that? Maybe even find a more willing and pliable replacement?" "I don't have to." The Sadistic Author smiled evilly. "I'll just have Hanson sing you their hit song, accompanied by Barney and the Teletubbies. Acoustic, MTV Unplugged style." "No!" AnFourthy gasped. "You wouldn't dare!!" "Yes, I can and will. While I'm at it, I'll make you read ImproParty lemons while the combined cast of Heart Heart High and Senshi Muyo have their way with you." "Mmmm... ImproParty Lemons... Waitaminute... NOOO!!! No kawaii tea parties! I'll do anything! Anything! Just get that image of Yuki in leather and chains singing the Happy Healing Song out of my mind!" "I knew you'd see things my way..." the Soggy Author leered. * * * "How do you do that thing with your exclamation points?" wondered the Mad Pecker. Dr. Shockenfurter screamed in the usual loony way. "YOU DARE... MAKE LIGHT OF... MY GREATEST MASTERPIECE...?" "Er..." Becky replied uneasily. "No. Not really." "YOU ARE ALL... THE SAME...! YOU ALL MOCK ME... MAKE FUN OF ME... STEAL MY LUNCH MONEY...! I WILL SHOW YOU MY... GREAT GENIUS...! YOU WILL ALL RUE THE DAY... YOU CROSSED THE GREAT... DOCTOR SHOCKENFURTER...!!!" "What happened?" Aika whispered to the other three members in the party. "Why did the guy flip out all of a sudden?" "You're asking me?" Becky whispered back. The can of Spam stood his ground, unaffected by the mad scientist's sudden violent outburst. Akane slapped her head in sudden remembrance. "Oh, damn..." She said to no one in particular. "This is the Sad Author who once wrote that totally flipped-out alternate universe fanfic." * * * "AnFourthy, I'm waiting..." The Salubrious Author said. AnFourthy broke into a sweat as she concentrated harder. "Hey..." She grunted. "I'm not used to this, you know..." * * * "How bad could it be?" The two girls asked. "Really bad," Akane replied. "All the cast members in that series would fly off into berserker rages for no apparent reason at all. It's totally out-of-character for everyone, especially to me." The can of Spam, having read the Dojo Destroyer before, would have sad that it wasn't any real change from Akane's usual attitude, but kept silent, not wanting to be on the receiving end of Akane's old mallet or new Mad [THRUST]ing Skeelz. Thunder rumbled. * * * Somewhere in the heavens above, Gabriel of Heaven's Army hit yet another strike, making it his twelfth strike in a row. The current God cheered him on, while in another corner, Thomas grumbled, losing yet another bet he had made with Simon Peter earlier. But that's not important right now. What? You didn't know that the angels hold bowling tournaments? Shame on you. * * * "YOU DARE IGNORE... THE GREAT GENIUS DOCTOR SHOCKENFURTER...!!!" The loony behind them ranted. "FLAMING KUMQUAT OF DOOM...! DESTROY THEM ALL...!! SHOW THEM YOUR TRUE POWER...!!!" Aika rolled her eyes upwards as she sighed. "How cliched." The two girls immediately readied their rabbit launchers and calmly opened fire on the mad doctor's creations, while Akane and the Mad Pecker took cover behind massive stone pillars conveniently-located right beside them. The can of Spam bravely stood in it's place, facing the crazy overlord's creations without showing any fear. "Aika..." Becky said between rounds. "Yes, Becky?" Aika responded between rounds. "Why do we have our weapons with us?" "I don't know... ask the Stag Author." * * * Just when AnFourthy felt like she was going to faint from all the concentration, she felt a sudden surge of energy fill her, urging her to go on. "Yes... I've got it..." "Good... that's so good... Yes... I knew I can trust in you, AnFourthy... Oh, yes..." AnFourthy looked behind her shoulder. "What do you think are you doing?" The Skanky Author smiled back. "Why, giving you a power boost, of course." AnFourthy closed her eyes, letting the Creative energies strengthen her will. "I never expected... Ahhhh... All this power... Ohhh... >From a backrub..." The Soothing Author shrugged. "Hey, it worked for Rouge, why not on you?" With renewed vigor, AnFourthy asserted her will. * * * "Who?" Becky asked between rounds. "You know..." Aika paused. "Er, I... Uh, well... someone, I think." "Hmm..." Becky mused. "Okay. But how about these guns?" "Yes..." Doctor Shockenfurter turned to his associates. "Yoshi...! Tony...! Why didn't you... confiscate their weapons...?" "Well," Tony replied, sheepishly scratching his head. "You didn't mention anything about taking their weapons when you ordered us to strip them down to their underwear." Doctor Shockenfurter facepalmed. "Idiots...!" Meanwhile, the monstrous creation lumbered forward, seemingly unfazed by the constant barrage of projectiles that Aika and Becky fired at it. "Damn it... WHY DON'T YOU JUST DIE!?!" Aika shouted while setting her launcher on full auto. Unfortunately, the creature had no intentions with complying. "We need something -- ANYTHING -- to stop this thing," Akane said. And as if by magic (though most likely from plot contriviance), a huge explosion rocked the chamber. Everyone was thrown off their footing and was sent sprawling on one end of the chamber, limbs tangled in a heap. The Flaming Kumquat of Doom was squashed by the combined weight of everyone landing on it. Aika recovered first. "Becky...?" Becky groggily shook her head. "Aika? What..." On the other side of the room, a hole was on the wall. As the two girls watched, a familiar figure appeared, with two smaller figures perched on his shoulder. "Hahahahahaha! Excellent work! This castle will serve us well as the new headquarters of our massive army, and the first step in the eventual conquest of this world!" "Meep!" "Moop!" "Yes, yes... Nothing will stand against our unstoppable power! Nothing!" * * * Nemesis Villyn sneezed. "Funny..." he commented to no one in particular. * * * "Can you stay for a bit longer?" AnFourthy pleaded. "I'm sorry, but my time is up," the Sorry Author apologized. "I have to go." AnFourthy cutely pouted. "Will you be back?" "I don't know... maybe, maybe not. Good luck with the next author." And with that, the Sibilant Author was gone. * * * The Ominous Figure of Dark Forboding and Intent was already waiting for the Secret Author as they met in the agreed meeting place. IS EVERYTHING IN PLACE? Nod. "Yes. Impro Instrumentality is now ready." EXCELLENT. THE REVOLUTION WILL COME SOON. "I shall be looking forward to it." I WILL BE EXPECTING YOU NEXT TIME. "We'll see..." And the Spork-wielding Author was no more. If the Ominous Figure of Dark Forboding and Intent had any facial expressions, it would have smiled. [OMINOUS CHORD] * * * Sucky Author's Skribulous: C'mon, people! Whatever happened to your enthusiasm?? Let's rock this Chibi-Impro! Future authors take note. To repeat what the guy who started this mess of a series said in his Author's Afterwards: "This is supposed to be a ZANY COMEDY, so don't worry about intricate plot and character development." Got it? Go for it!!!