"So, Roe," Steve, said Admin's alter ego and Natasha fanatic, leaned over the Admin's shoulder to read the screen. "Word has it you're going to be a father." "Hai," Roe, Admin-cum-Parent replied, typing furiously. "Must be pretty exciting," Steve continued. "Hai," Roe replied again. "Going to be a big responsibility, you know," the alter ego went on, undeterred by his creator's monosyllabic responses. "Hai," the Admin grunted. "Pretty overwhelming, huh?" Steve plucked at the penguin sitting on the Admin's monitor. "Hai!" This said with a little more emphasis. "You know you have two Impro parts due this week, right?" Roe fell out of his chair. "Orooooo?" *** Improfanfic Presents Girls with Guns *** >>Welcome to CAN OF SPAM, the exciting text adventures of a bizarre little pseudo-meat-treat through the realm of Improfanfic! >> The Can of Spam gets off the Unduly Fumigated Obelisk in Girls with Guns, ready to wreak havoc wherever it goes! >> The Can of Spam is currently traveling on can-bottom in Girls with Guns. >A: Commit Random Silly Act >> The Can of Spam banishes Akane to the kitchen to make okonomiyaki for Jennai and his army of newts. The army dies out from food poisoning. >A: Move 2. >> The Can of Spam hops to ImproParty. >> The Can of Spam defeats Twoflower in a Dan vs. Dan match. The creator of Improfanfic goes ballistic and destroys Chez Impro. >> The Can of Spam hops to Zeitgeist Eggbeater. >> The Can of Spam introduces a linear plot and deep, metaphoric characterization to Zeitgeist Eggbeater. >> The Can of Spam is currently traveling on can-bottom in Zeitgeist Eggbeater. >A: Move 1. >> The Can of Spam hops to the Message Board. >> The Can of Spam tweaks the coding of the Message Board, causing any new posts to be blank and all datestamps to be permanently displayed as "4/1/100". >> The Can of Spam is currently traveling on can-bottom in the Message Board. >A: Move 4. >> The Can of Spam hops to the Chat Room. >> The Can of Spam floods #improfanfic with senseless garbage about its personal life, including its secret desire to fall in love over the internet with an "improgirl". >> The Can of Spam hops to the Mascot Page. >> The Can of Spam hops to Name the Improbaby. >> The Can of Spam repeatedly submits its suggestion of "Name it Spam! Everyone loves Spam!". >> The Can of Spam hops to Magical Girl Hunters. >> The Can of Spam discovers the true secret of the Yoi/Koi conspiracy, thereby destroying that enter plot thread. >> The can of Spam is currently traveling by can-bottom in Magical Girl Hunters. >A: Move 2. >> The Can of Spam hops to Name the Improbaby. >> The Can of Spam hacks the code of the site, inserting pictures of George Burns in place of the ultrasound pictures. >> The Can of Spam hops to Magical Girl Hunters. >> The Can of Spam steals the darts from the MGH headquarters, then goes on a killing spree, accidently taking out Itami. >>> The Can of Spam is spied skewering Itami by a random Magical Girl. The Can of Spam is now wanted in Magical Girl Hunters for senseless slaughter of an unemotional character and former #improfanfic bot. >> The Can of Spam is currently traveling by can-bottom in Magical Girl Hunters. >A: Move 5. >> The Can of Spam hops to Name the Improbaby. >> The Can of Spam hops to the Mascot Page. >> The Can of Spam hops to the Chat Room. >> The Can of Spam glomps Woofer. >> The Can of Spam hops to the Message Board. >> The Can of Spam hops to Zeitgeist Eggbeater. >> The Can of Spam is currently traveling on can-bottom in Zeitgeist Eggbeater. >A: Move 3. >> The Can of Spam hops to ImproParty. >> The Can of Spam steals the Ragnarok from Todd Harper. >>> Delfina witnesses the Can of Spam stealing the Ragnarok. The Can of Spam is now wanted for grand larceny and flying a fictional ship without a permit in ImproParty. >> The Can of Spam flies to Girls with Guns. >> The Can of Spam flies to Furniture Warriors. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Furniture Warriors. >A: Commit Random Silly Act >> The Can of Spam replaces all items of furniture with kumquats. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Furniture Warriors. >A: Move 2. >> The Can of Spam flies to H!. >> The Can of Spam flies to Controversial Jack. >> The Can of Spam secretly replaces Mr. Duck with Folgers Crystals. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Controversial Jack. >A: Move 1. >> The Can of Spam flies to Slayers Glorious. >> The Can of Spam destroys any canon characterization of Naga the White Serpent and turns her into a Kasumi clone. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Slayers Glorious. >A: Move 2. >> The Can of Spam flies to Ultra. >> The Can of Spam pairs up Cloud with Tifa, defying the wishes of Ultra authors everywhere. >>> Lurker catches Can of Spam's open defiance and reports him to Twoflower. The Can of Spam is now wanted for pissing off the UML in Ultra, as well as forever banned from the Ultra queue. >> The Can of Spam flies to Heart Heart High. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Heart Heart High. >A: Move 3. >> The Can of Spam flies to H!Flash. >> The Can of Spam clips Yummichan's wings, thereby rendering her an easy target for predators. >> The Can of Spam flies to FAQing Hostile. >> The Can of Spam forces Phreakachu into rehab. >> The Can of Spam flies to Final Fantasy Legacy. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Final Fantasy Legacy. >A: Move 1. >> The Can of Spam flies to Do-Gooders. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Do-Gooders. >A: Commit Random Silly Act >> The Can of Spam kills off the entire cast of Do-Gooders, except Daisy. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Do-Gooders. >A: Commit Random Silly Act >> The Can of Spam joins the DGML. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Do-Gooders. >A: No, really, I mean it! Commit Random REALLY Silly Act >> The Can of Spam floods the DGML with multiple senseless one-line messages under the same subject line. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Do-Gooders. >A: I said SILLY, not ANNOYING! Commit Random Silly Act, already! >> The Can of Spam purges Jonathan Streith from the Do-Gooders queue, undoing any parts he has submitted to the impro. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in Do-Gooders. >A: Close enough. Move 3. >> The Can of Spam flies to Final Fantasy Fated. >> The Can of Spam flies to Magical Girl Hunters. >> The Can of Spam exorcises Sailor H from Kasumi, leaving behind a boring, non-gimmicky character. >> The Can of Spam earns extra protein for committing a silly act in an Impro where it is wanted for a crime. >> The Can of Spam flies to Name the Improbaby. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnorak in Name the Improbaby. >A: Move 2. >> The Can of Spam flies to the Mascot Page. >> The Can of Spam flies to the Chat Room. >> The Can of Spam learns Mad [THRUST]ing Skeelz from Illyria. >>> Illyria is offended by a pseudo-meat-treat stealing her signature move. The Can of Spam is now wanted for impersonation of a respected member of the ImproCommunity and for indecent exposure in the Chat Room. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Ragnarok in the Chat Room. >A: Move 4. >> The Can of Spam flies to the Message Board. >> The Can of Spam posts several messages, using four keystrokes to make one letter. >> The Can of Spam flies to Zeitgeist Eggbeater. >> The Can of Spam steals the Zeitgeist Eggbeater and leaves the Ragnarok in its place. >> The Can of Spam flies to ImproParty. >> The Can of Spam forces Chris Nichols to sit in the Comfy Chair. >> The Can of Spam gets extra protein for committing a silly act in an Impro where it is wanted for a crime. >> The Can of Spam flies to Girls with Guns. >> The Can of Spam lands the Zeitgeist Eggbeater on Controversial Newt and Newtiversal Jack. >>> Jennai witnesses the making of amphibian roadkill. The Can of Spam is now wanted for Murder One in Girls with Guns. >> The Can of Spam is currently flying the Zeitgeist Eggbeater in Girls with Guns. >A: Move 2. >> The Can of Spam flies to Furniture Warriors. >> The Can of Spam flies to Girls with Guns. >>> The Can of Spam is apprehended by the Mad Pecker for Murder One in Girls with Guns, thereby ending its silly random act spree in Improfanfic. *** Admin's Notes: Okay, okay, I know this is really damn late, and I apologize for that. This seg was really written by the lovely muse, Stephica. I really wanted to write a whole segment based on the Can of Spam, but never had the free time to do so, and the lovely Stephica was kind enough to write this for me. I only wish I'd had the free time to write this myself and get it posted on time, but life conspired against me to eliminate my free time. Such is life, and now, on with our regularly scheduled chibi-impro. - Roe Author's Notes: Feh, "life conspired against him", my lovely arse! Don't be fooled by the little man behind the curtain, folks, he's just trying to play on your sympathies! Really, you'd think HE was the pregnant one, the way he carries on! Well, you can all bow down and worship my mad surrogate-author skeelz because without me, there'd be NO GwG this time around, and Mr. Procrastination would have skipped, claiming some nonsense about real life getting in his way. Puh-LEEZ! Your Muse of Choice, Stephica Admin's Sub-Notes: Don't listen to her! Her hormones are out of balance! Actually, yes I did procrastinate, and yes I was busy. Everyone, go ahead and yell at me, cause I screwed up. - R