The Author approached the edge of the fourth wall, and looked out over the last two episodes of Girls with Guns. "That was unexpected." "This is Girls with Guns after all. You're not supposed to be able to predict it." "That's true." The Author turned to regard the figure who'd spoken. "Who are you, and why do you have a significant resemblance to David Boreanaz?" "I'm your latest Avatar. The presence of a vampire in the opening to chapter four caused the damage to your psyche that's accumulated from being on multiple Buffy: the Vampire Slayer mailing lists to congeal into me." "That explains a lot. I wouldn't have guessed that I was capable of imagining anything male in tight black leather pants, though." "I'm slightly surprised to even exist. But this place has a very low Reality Index." "Black leather jacket, black leather pants, black shirt, and black leather shoes. Aren't you hot in that get up?" "No. I don't have blood flowing through my veins after all." "Oh right. You realize that I may end up giving you as a gift to the Lady Chaos?" "It is in my nature to stoically accept my lot. I may brood and angst, though." "What do you have to brood and angst about? You just came into existence." "I have the accumulated guilt for all of the bad Buffy fan fiction you've received. Every single atrocity, whether it be the mutilation of grammar, or the repeated instances of graphic violence, they all weigh heavily upon my soul." "Oh my. How do you live with yourself?" "I don't." "Ah right. I suppose you wouldn't. I rather liked that opening bit. I'm almost tempted to roll back the clock to that white flash and do a Buffy the Vampire Slayer parody." "Please don't. I wouldn't want that on my conscience as well." "Spoil sport." The Author read further into the Girls with Guns chapter. "The death of a Dallas character was a nice touch." "Agreed." "Aren't you supposed to be dark and brooding about unnecessary loss of human life?" "I'm allowed to make certain exceptions." "Ah. So Becky and Aika live together. That provides an opportunity for homoeroticism." "Since when did you bother to be that subtle?" "I don't. But the practice is nice. The role-reversal with the Villyns was handled well." "Aren't you supposed to write something new rather than just going through and complimenting the previous part?" "I'll get to that eventually, I'm looking for a good plot thread to follow. Besides, it shows that I actually read the previous part. Some authors don't seem to bother. Ooh! Kekko Kamen reference, sugoi." "I was expecting that." "Considering the number of Slash fan fics that went into your creation I'm not surprised. I wonder what the next author did." "Got confused?" "Well yeah. The walking onto the wrong side of the fourth wall was a nice touch. I should try that sometime." "No one would believe you did it by accident." "Has anyone ever told you, you're something of a downer? Chocoborochi, restarting the scene, nice touches. " "Are you going to contribute something to the plot now?" "Just a moment. So I get to deal with the aftermath of the shoot-out, and the summoning of Lavos." "That enough for you to work with, or do I have to take off my shirt and do Tai Chi so as to provide fan service?" "Maybe later. For now I think I have an idea as to where to start. First, it will turn out that they've gotten Lavos' gender wrong..." ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- GIRLS WITH GUNS For those of us who don't take our homoeroticism seriously. Created by David Kelk (dkelk@sympatico.ca) This chapter by Philip Barkow (pbarkow@is2.dal.ca Hosted By Improfanfic (http://www.improfanfic.com) Chapter Fifty (possibly) Six: Demonesses Just Wanna Have Fun. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- Aki Villyn blinked in confusion. "I could have sworn that my armor was a lot bulkier." Diff regarded the would-be world conqueror, who's attire consisted of a high-tech, skin-tight, molecularly woven ceramic composite plate-mail, including an impressive assortment of extremely miniaturized gadgets. "I don't know," he said pausing. "It certainly looks good on you though." "Thanks! I've always thought that despite being destined to rule the world, it's no excuse to neglect my appearance." ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "Aren't they going to comment on the fact that they're now being written by a hentai Author?" his Vampiric Avatar asked. "In this continuity they don't have an easily distracted, hentai incarnation of the Fourth Wall." "An Author accidentally walked onto the wrong side of the Fourth Wall last episode. It's obviously rather weak." ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "I think we might have a hentai Author," Diff commented. "That is of little importance! I must continue with my plans to conquer the world, and free all of its young and attractive denizens from the tyranny of clothing!" Aki declared dramatically. The center of the their mystical circle suddenly began to creak, and then shattered emitting a plume of greenish smoke. The smoke cleared to reveal a striking figure of a demoness. Seven feet tall, with an impressive bust, reddish skin tone, blonde hair in a page boy cut, small horns, she was clad in Adidas sneakers, a pair of pale green boxer shorts, and an undersized Seraphin Project t-shirt which displayed Samael grinning sadistically and dripping blood from his scalpel. Needless to say, Aki was completely upstaged. "Lavos?" Diff asked, blinking in surprise. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #78-khet: Lavos Full name: Withheld by request. Occupation: Demon(ess) Lord (Lady?) (All statistics are rated from 1 to 10 in parareality.) Intelligence: 8 Age: Timeless. Lavos was ancient Reflexes: 7 before the first coming of Swing Technical: 6 Measurements: 36-26-33 Body: 8 Blood Type: Corrupted Mako Looks: 9 Favourite Food: Peppermint ice cream Charisma: 6 Least favorite food: Bangers Cool: 4 Hobbies: Flirting with cute girls Luck: Good. Dressing in deliberately clashing outfits. Hit points: 39/38 Mana: 65/87 AC: -6. Abilities: -Commanding presence -Ancient and evil magicks -Lactates Mountain Dew -Knows the complete works of Lady Isadora by heart -Now with added vanilla extract Vulnerable to wedgies. Elizabeth Watasin's biggest fan. Tap for minor temporal discontinuities. Immune to ice cream headaches. Once pawned the One Ring. Does not own stock in Microsoft. Background: Like many immortals, Lavos has gotten really bored with life everlasting. She interacts with mortals for the sake of personal entertainment rather than long term scheme to gain souls or any such silliness. Her entertainment usually consists of ice cream and the company of cute girls. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "Give the man a cigar," the demoness replied, and then handed the would be cultist a Cuban cigar with a label that read "President's Choice." Diff took the proffered cigar and then regarded it with an expression of profound bewilderment. "Enough of this foolishness," Aki said, making an attempt to reassert her authority. "You were summoned here to serve me in my efforts to gain my rightful place as ruler of the Earth." "You would dare command me!" A black nimbus of energy began to form around Lavos. "You are an insignificant mortal! It is utter foolishness to think that you have any importance to me! I could crush with the merest thought!" The black nimbus of energy suddenly vanished. "But I'll help you, because you have a cute ass." "Thanks, yours is nice too," Aki replied, smiling at the demoness. "But neither of you even have donkeys!" Diff protested, his brain still having difficulty processing the current chain of events. "Fetch a gallon or two of peppermint ice cream. We have negotiations to conduct," The demoness commanded, smiling at Aki with a mouth full of unhealthily sharp teeth. Without another word, the amateur cultist headed out of the basement, presumably in search of peppermint ice cream. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "You must be getting slow, it doesn't usually take you this long to get to the kinky lesbian sex scene," the vampire chided sarcastically. "I thought of that, but considering this demoness, it seems more likely that she just has a major sweet tooth." ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "Are you alright Aika?" Becky asked, bending down to help up the one true love of her life. "I'm fine, thanks," Aika responded, stealing a quick kiss. "Let's get to class." A small sweatdrop spontaneously formed on the back of Becky's head. "Well, we didn't actually leave much of the school intact..." "That's alright," Aika replied, pulling the secret agent to whom her heart belonged closer towards herself. "It gives us more time to spend together." "So, where should we go now?" Becky queried, ignoring the crowd of random students, both male and female, who were watching closely. "Well... let's go kidnap Dark Queen Uzume again!" "Sure, that's always fun." ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- "Okay, that shouldn't be a problem then," Lavos asserted confidently. "Excellent, the world will soon be mine. At last I -" Aki's dramatic monologue was cut off as Diff crashed through the door and collapsed under the weight of two gallons of peppermint ice cream. "Oh good, the ice cream's here. Let's go rent a few movies and stay up past your bedtime," Lavos suggested naughtily. "Let's go," Aki said, as she lead the way out the door. ~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~- Author's Note: Apologies to the purists who think this story should focus more on the protagonists. My muse dictated otherwise. For the record, I have continued the plot set out in the previous chapters, and hope future Authors will do the same. I was tempted to write episode 93 though. Thanks to my pre-readers, Jonatan Streith, the Lady Chaos, and Sharyna Tran. And just so those of you who bothered to read to the end aren't bored, a quick poem: How can you do this? We walked together in darkness We were the night There were none that could elude us Time and again we fed on blood Together we reveled in the taste of life's end Yet now, you turn to me And see prey