Zereth paused in his playing of the Deus Ex demo. "That's odd, I have a sudden urge to check Girls with Guns. I wonder why." He left the room. A few minutes passed. Suddenly, there came a scream. "HOLY *BLEEP*! I'm UP!" *** GIRLS WITH GUNS Created by David Kelk This part by Zereth Chapter xx: Dub Version *** Zereth stared at his computer, an expression of sheer panic on his face. "I don't have any ideas, and it's my turn. Oooooh *bleep*." Suddenly, a PCPS deliveryman crashed through the window on a motorcycle. "Delivery. Sign here." Zereth, somewhat confused, signed it and took the package. The deliveryman got back on his motorcyle and went out through the window. No, the other one, that he didn't break on the way in. Zereth opened the package, finding inside a videotape and a note. "Zereth: You need to see this. -Calli" Zereth looked at the unlabled tape, shrugged, and stuck it in the VCR. *** Male Genital Presents: Girls with Guns: Happy Happy mega love-love magic! (Demo tape for dubbed TV series suitable for American Release.) *** Zereth yanked the tape out of the VCR, ripped the actual tape out of the casing, stuffed the entire thing in the micorwave, set it on high for 60 minutes, stuffed it in a safe, welded that shut, wrapped it in chains, encased it in a block of cement, and shot it into the sun. All in the space of 6.7 seconds. *** Meanwhile, Zerplotty was dragging his suitcases into his office. "Ah, back from vacation! I wonder how things have been doing under my replacement." Kiki looked up from her computer terminal. "Well, it was-Oooh! Did you bring me anything? Huh? Huh huh? *poing*" Kiki shot out of her chair and started poinging around Zerplotty. Zerplotty fished out a snow-globe depcting a bunch of shiny glittery stuff. "Yep, here you go." He stpped around his ex-replacement, now going into Ferret Shock, and took his seat. "Let's see... I did that work to straighten out the plot again... Woofer did a filler part... And then..." Zerplotty spewed the cup of coffee that he suddenly had been drinking since he sat down (Man, time-travel grammar is annoying) all over the monitor. "WHAT? After I did all that work, suddenly the next author to write an actual, plot-impacting part, throws it all out the window? Screw that. I think I'll go in there and kill off 90% of the cast." He looked down at a memo on his desk. "MEMO: W4 is up next. Remember to play "Screw your Neighbor". Zerplotty got up, grabbed the bag with "BAG" written on it sitting on a nearby shelf, and tele*schplurnt*ed into the story itself. *** Meanwhile... Zereth gazed proudly after his handiwork, watching the block of cement containing the hated object disappearing into the sun. Suddenly, the phone rang. "... Hello?" "Hello, you have a collect call from: A PROTOPLASMIC AUTHOR-LIKE ENITY DETERMINED TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND DEVOUR YOU BODY AND SOUL. Will you accept the charges? Press 1 for "Yes", 2 for "No"." Zereth pressed 2. *** MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #*error redo from start*: Proto-autor, Update Intelligence: 0.1 ***"MEMO: W4 is up next. Remember to play "Screw your Neighbor" Zerplotty walked through the gates of Heart Heart High. "Okay, who do I kill first... Ah, Joe Random Student, Equire. *BLAM*" Joe fell, his neck merely a bloody bloody stump spurting out gallons upon gallons of blood under enormous pressure. *** Meanwhile, Zereth was trying to think of something to cover up the fight scene so he didn't actuallly have to write it, when the phone rang. "Hello. You have a collect call from: A PROTOPLASMIC AUTHOR-LIKE ENITY DETERMINED TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND DEVOUR YOU BODY AND SOUL. Will *click*" *** Zerplotty walked out of the courtyard, leaving the bodies of JR Student, Random Female Student, Female Voice, Pecker Kamen, One Boy, and everybody else who was there, to be feasted upon by the Chocoborochi, who survived only because Zerplotty had decided he was cool. Suddenly, Principle Spam jumped out in front of Zerplotty. [So, you think you can get away with killing my students and blatantly defying the school rules?] "Yes," Zerplotty replied. "Oh, and you're too large, and you're not supposed to be animate." [Uh oh,] signed Principal spam, just before he turned into a normal-sized, inanimate can of spam, like back when he was intorduced. Zerplotty picked up the can and stuffed it into the bag with "BAG" written on it. "Okay, what next..." *** Aika and Becky, meanwhile, were driving around, blowing things up with Aika's shiny new tank. "Wow, this is really cool! What should we blow up next, Becky?" "How about we go blow up the moon??" "I don't think we can hit hte moon from here." "... Well... There's a fake moon on that minature golf course over there..." "Sounds good! Let's do it!" Aika and Becky drove off towards the unsuspecting golf course. *** Lavos and Aki were wandering the halls of the high school, searching for peppermint ice cream, when they turned a corner and ran into Zerplotty. "Ow!" "Hey!" "That hurt!" The three stood blinking at each other for a moment, then all started talking at once. "Hey, aren't you-" "Wait, aren't you supposed to be-" "Hey... I'll wait for you to run down so I can talk." Lavos and Aki ran on for a while, then stopped when they realized Zerplotty wasn't listening. Lavos stepped forwards. "How dare you not listen to The Great La-" "I'll give you a bunch of peppermint ice cream if you two go to the courtyard and wait for me there." Zerplotty blinked at the Lavos and Aki-shaped clouds, and then picked up a handy payphone and pucnhed random numbers. "Hello? PCPS? I need 150 gallons of peppermint ice cream delivered to the courtyard of Heart Heart High, and I need it now." *** Aika and Becky rolled up to Dark Queen Uzume's Edifce of Happiness and Terror and knocked on the door. "Hello, we're here to kidnap Dark Queen Uzume." One of the Youmabibbles looked out through a little hole in the door. "I'll tell her you're here." Shortly later, Dark Queen Uzume bounced out of the gates. "Wai! Are we going to go get ice cream again?" Aika looked at Becky. "What do you think?" Becky shrugged. "Sounds good to me." *** Zerplotty thought to himself. "If I were Aika and Becky, and I had a tank, what would I do..." A lightbulb appeared over Zerplotty's head. "Of course! To the ice cream parlor!" *** Aika, Becky, and Uzume were just finishing ordering their ice cream when Zerplotty entered the store. "... with sprinkles on top." They recived their ice cream and sat down. Zerplotty walked over to their table. "Excuse me, ladies, but I was wondering if you would come with-" "Buzz off." "*pause* If you start now, you should be able to get to the HEart Heart High courtyard while there's about... 65 gallons of peppermint ice cream left." Zerplotty looked at the Aika, Becky, and Uzume shaped clouds, then at the tank-shaped cloud in the parking lot. "Excellent..." *** Zerplotty walked into the Heart Heart High courtyard, and tossed the can of spam next to Aika, Becky, Aki, Lavos, Uzume, and Chocoborochi, who were all feasting on peppermint ice cream. "Hm... Lessee... Woofer's up next, so I need to pull a real big twist... Ah! I have it!" Zerplotty waved his hands, and all faded to black... *** Aika was a young girl, dressed in a trenchcoat. She said to Chocoborochi, "Yes?" He was a rather thin chocobo with purple-colored feathers and glowing red eyes. "[WARK]." "Oh, a customer?" "[WA-ARK.]" "Show her in then." Chocoborochi opened the door, letting in a tall woman with long hair. "Hello, my name is Uzume..." *** Authors Notes: And that seems like a good place to stop. In case you can't tell, Woofer, I'm ripping off the Maltese Falcon there with teh last scene. You, of course, don't have to actually go that way, but they ARE in a detective agency now. As always, thanks go to Calli for help with pointing out errors and helping with ideas. *** Zereth was trapped in a corner, the PALEDTHYDADYBAS slowly advancing. "But I'm not the author anymore! My chapter is over! Woofer's the author now!" The PALEDTHYDADYBAS paused, appearing to think about this. Then, it began to recede. Zereth sighed in relief and wiped some sweat from his forehead. "Hm... Think I should warn Woofer about that thing? ... Nah."