Girls With Guns: The Movie By: ELRutt Act 3: Aftermath: When Life Gives You Lemons, Make [CENSORED]! * * * Alone on a beach in the Caribbean, no one around for miles, Aika and Becky lounged together on a set of aptly named lounge chairs. Finally all the violence had ended and they were taking a well deserved vacation. Tanning on the beach, they rested in their remarkably fanservicey bikinis. The only sounds heard were the waves crashing gently on the beach, the breeze blowing through the over growth, birds cawing peacefully in the sky and Aika snoring. Becky whipped her with a towel. "Hey, wake up! You're ruining the atmosphere!" Aika, still groggy, replied, "Wha-? Oh, sorry..." and with that drifted back to unconsciousness. Becky looked over at her bestfriend, her eyes drifted up Aika's flawless body. 'What a fantastic body she has, perfectly shaped in everyway,' she thought dreamily. * * * Aika was rudely awakened by the touch of something soft against her lips. Her fist clenched, ready to cold-cock the pervert. When her eyes fluttered open, she was shocked by what she saw. Her companion Becky was on top of her, staring deeply into her eyes. Aika timorously asked, "Wha... what are you doing?" Becky gushed, "Ever since the first day we kissed after that epic battle with... that one evil guy, I knew I wanted you. Wanted to hold you in my arms. Walk hand in hand under the moonlight. Cuddle together in the spoon position, our eyes staring into each others souls, knowing we'll always be safe as long as we have each other. This whole adventure has made me realize something, I want to feel you, deep inside me." This last part was whispered seductively in Aika's ear. She was at a loss for words. All those days she longed for this moment, only to have it all set out before her now. "I... uh... Becky..." but words were not enough. Aika wrapped her loving arms around Becky and kissed her in a kiss so passionate the world has never seen another like it. They held each other in that position, till the sun set and the stars opened up their little eyes, both never wanting to let go. * * * "All right, Mr. Hat! Hot lesbo scene!" Gaulstaff gleefully exclaimed. The five all powerful daemons who had been pulling the strings the whole time in Girls With Guns finally made an appearance. "Dud, clAm don! iTs juts secks!" Mr. Hat responded. "Make 'em do it again! Yeah, that would rule! Heh heh m heh!" Danderbutt demanded. Telemachus added, "Toss in another OCR character, those always kill or at least, get killed!" Much maniacal laughter ensued. The fifth daemon sat quietly in the corner, reading the morning paper. * * * Becky awoke early the next morning in a cold sweat. What had she done the night before? She never had any romantic interest in Aika. What had possessed her to take advantage of her friend like that? Something was definitely amiss. First, she needed to straighten things out with Aika. Explain that it wasn't Becky that was kissing her, it was a strange force controlling her. Hopefully, her kindred spirit would understand and not be too overly heart-broken. Second, she needed a shower; last night was disgusting beyond words. Her entire body required thorough cleansing. Perhaps, this should be done first. Becky slowly arose from the bed, her body shivering at the sight of the girl laying next to her. Walking into the bathroom, she turned on the showe faucet. Quickly, she got undressed and went behind the solidly non-transparent curtain. Sorry fanboys. * * * The dynamic, deadly duo (no, not Batman and Robin hyped up on cough syrup) were staying together in a cabin specially designed for the two of them on a deserted island in the Caribbean. Three stories tall with a kitchen the size of Texas, it came complete with running water, electricity and satellite TV. No one asked how these utilities were supplied to them on a deserted, tropical isle. The cabon wAz buLT Buy noN OtteR den... * * * "Mr. Hat! Now you stop this, this instant! You're not allowed to control the narration! Give the crystal back to Danderbutt!" Gaulstaff berated his little friend. "hAy! scru yuO, biCh!" Mr. Hat countered. A chair smashed over his head. "It's my turn now!" Danderbutt picked up the Glowing Green Crystal from Mr. Hat's unconscious grip. Telemachus dropped the broken chair bits and started punching holes in the wall. Turning the page, the fifth Daemon continued reading the paper. * * * Aika awoke with a bright smile on her face. This was the best she'd felt in a long time. Everything in the world just seemed right. Becky was hers now, forever. She rolled over to her otherside expecting to see her darling, all that greeted her however, was the sound of running water. 'Perhaps I should join her.' She thought and smiled to herself. Happy days were here again. * * * No matter how hard she scrubbed, Becky still felt unclean. What had happened was inexcusable. Obviously someone had controlled her, but who? Everyone in the universe was dead, who was left? Suddenly it struck her. Not the identity of her controller, but Aika's naked, wet body. Becky screamed a scream to end all screams. "What's the matter, my love?" Aika asked, arms enfolded about her partner. "Get... off!" Becky blew up at her, pushing with all her might. Aika was flung through the curtain and across the bathroom to smash heavily into the wall opposite the shower. "Da- Darling," Aika stammered as she attempted to regain balance, "what's the matter? I know something must be up. Don't worry, dear. we're together now and I'll always be here to help you through your woes." She slowly limped towards Becky, arms held outward. "Don't come any closer!" Becky warned, covering herself with a towel. Aika halted her advance, shocked beyond normal states of consciousness. "Look, I don't know what happened last night, but just the thought of it makes me want to puke! I don't want it happen again! Someone or something took control of my body last night and whoever it was needs to DIE!" "I... I don't understand... You mean, you... you don't..." Aika was devastated. The words were too hard to say, let alone think. "...love me?" "I do love you, just not in that way. My love for you is they same love I'd have for, say, a sister," Becky noticed Aika was on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry, Aika. I just don't swing that way. I need you to pull yourself together. I need your help if I'm going to destroy this new evil force that has arisen." The author was taken aback at the remarkably thin plot string. How does she know all this? What makes it the right answer? Why did she have to put the towel on? The towel Becky wore dropped to the floor. Aika cried. And cried. And cried. Becky was glad their cabin had flood insurance. * * * Danderbutt stared astonished at the view screen. "She... knows?" He sweatdropped big time. "Hey dudes," he warned, "the blond chick is onto us!" Mr. Hat picked himself up off the floor. "hOe kuLd daT B?" he asked as he was once again clobbered to the ground by a flying end table. "Idiot!" Telemachus cried as he charged at Gaulstaff with a bookcase, "I knew we should've never let you have you're lesbian love scene! You gave us away! Now, they're going to come here and kick all our asses!" The room's occupants sweatdropped at the ominous foreshadowing. "I... I'm sorry... I don't know what happened," Gaulstaff mumbled, trying to make sense of it all. "They accepted it when I had them kiss before..." "You went too far this time, moron! And now they know about our manipulation and are going to destroy us!" Danderbutt exclaimed. "I don't even know why we let you join us! You've caused nothing but trouble! Back when you had the girls kiss for the first time, Becky almost ruined the whole thing there and then! Luckily _I_ was there to save your sorry butt with a monster attack distraction!" Telemachus ranted. "It's not fair, you've controlled most of this story, Telemachus! I wanted my share too! We're a team, remember?" Gaulstaff whined. "Yes, but things change and your time will some reach it's end! You will be banished from our realm and take the heat for what you started! And..." Telemachus decreed this last part even more evilly, "the annoying Mr. Hat is going with you!" He laughed maniacally till he stopped. "NOOOO!" Gaulstaff cried in vain. He and Mr. Hat were dragged out of the room by Telemachus and Danderbutt. Sipping his tea, the fifth Daemon went back to reading the paper. * * * Becky had to get out of the house; Aika was an utter emotional disaster area. She walked down the beach alone wondering how she could make it up to her mentally derailed friend. Not only did she have that to deal with, she needed to find out what possessed her the other day. Lucky for her, one of her dilemmas was about to be answered. A doorway opened in the sky high above and out of it tumbled two tied and gagged figures. Said figures promptly splatted down in front of Becky with great noise. When the dust cleared, she examined the... what vaguely resembled men before her. One was dressed in a long velvet bathrobe with a martini in one hand and a vat of vasoline in the other. His looked very suave and demure, despite being bound and gagged. Delicately, (how else would you do it with your hands tied behind your back?) he sipped his cocktail. He was so cool, not a drop was spilled in the fall. The other one was... well, odd looking. None of his face was in the right place, one of arms was longer than the other and he had two left feet. It looked like Picasso tripped out on acid, stuck a paintbrush in his ass and tried to paint. Roseanne Arnold dipped in battery acid looked more appealing. Good thing this one was tied up. For some reason unknown to Becky, her first reaction was not to pull out her RPG and blast these weirdos to Kingdom Come. It was a good thing too, Kingdom Come was going through a busy season this year and with all the over-crowding these two would have nowhere to sit. Also it was a plus since these two were about to provide some key points of exposition. The reign of the five (now three) story controlling Daemons was abruptly coming to a close, and all those not wearing their safety belt were about to become smears on the windshield. * * * Now seems as good of time as any, so lets have an intermission. * * * To fill the time till the show starts back up, we now present to you, for your viewing pleasure (or displeasure if you're a kinky sort of person)... *drum roll* (long pause) *crickets chirp* ...Advertising! That will hopefully annoy the masses and make us lots of money. *groans* * * * BUY THIS STUFF! * * * Are you bored? Are you tired? Are you tired and bored? Are you bored and tired? Are you tired of being bored? Are you bored of being tired? Are you tired of boring tired bores? Are you... *smack* Sorry. * * * Get blown for less! Merv's Ceiling Fan Emporium * * * Lots of religions say they'll get you into Heaven, but how can you be sure? Also, what's with all these rules and codes you need to follow? Don't let the man with the tall, pointed hat push you around anymore! Go to Carl's Church of Cash! That's right! Carl's Church of Cash! It's the only religious establishment with a guarantee you'll go to Heaven. We stand by our word, and if you are in any way dissatisfied with your afterlife, simply return back to life, visit Bob the church founder and DJ, and he'll refund all your donations and, as an added bonus, give you and yours an all-expenses-paid trip to Tahiti! And he'll even do it with a smile. You can't lose! Carl's Church of Cash: where a little green will get you to the Big Man! * * * When you have a craving for eggs... Cook them yourself you lazy mother f- *static* * * * And now, sooner than expected, but later than anticipated, we return you to your regularly scheduled program. Keep the cheese brother. * * * "Oh Charles, we can't! What if Daddy comes home early? What will he say?" "Frankly Scarlet, I don't give a... Look, I'm really horny can we just do this already?" "Fine." Lady Scarlet began to undress slowly and seductively. Three hours later she was naked. Charles held her firmly in his arms. "Oh how I love you Scarlet!" "Hee, hee." "What's so funny?" "Your chest hairs tickle my nipples. Hee, hee, hee." "..." * * * Erm, uh... wrong channel, heh. ^_^;;; * * * After many painstaking hours of back breaking labor, Becky dragged the tied-up pair back to the cabin. It smelled funny. Almost like cinnamon and what could only be described as... nutmeg. Someone was baking. Baking in their house. The sick bastard. "Aika," Becky called cautiously, "I brought you a present! Some fresh meat to brutally murder!" The two bound forms sweatdropped. "Are you okay? Aika?" Aika came bounding down the hallway for the direction of the kitchen. Funny, she never liked to cook let alone set foot in a room based around cooking. Something was very wrong. "What'd you bring me Becky-chan? Huh? Huh? Lemme see! Lemme see! Lemme see!" Aika bounced up and down excitedly in her frilly pink dress. If she didn't already know that Aika was completely insane, Becky would have sworn she had flipped her lid. "Aika? Are you all right?" Becky asked as she pressed down on the big pink bow in the Magical Girl's hair to keep her grounded. "I've never been better," Aika answered as she smiled kawaiily, "I've been baking cookies all day!" "Holy Testicle Tuesday," Becky swore as she grabbed ahold of Aika's extra poofy shoulder pads and screamed in her face, "WHATTHEHELLISWRONGWITHYOUYOUTWISTEDBITCH! You never bake, you never smile, and don't even get me started on your outfit!" Her face turned three shades of red. Aika shrugged, "I guess you've just never known the real me." Becky looked as if she were about to explode. She grabbed hold of the pick-clad monstrosity and drug her and the two prisoners into the den. It was discussion time. * * * "Oh crap! They didn't flat out assassinate Gaulstaff and Mr. Hat! Even worse, their going to talk to them! Do something Telemachus!" Danderbutt exclaimed, slightly distraught. Quick in action Telemachus did do something. Unfortunately that something was to shoot the Control Crystal into a million tiny fragments. "... What in the hell'd you do that for?!" Danderbutt exclaimed, more than "slightly" distraught this time. "I panicked," was Telemachus' response. "Panicked? PANICKED?! You panic and you blow up our only means to control the flow of the story?! You bumbling imbecile!" "I didn't see you do anything to help!" "..." "Well...?" "Shut up. Just shut up." The rustling of newspapers was heard in the corner. The fifth Daemon stood up, set down his tea and newspaper, and flung the two incompetent manipulators out the door. "Fix it!" he commanded. * * * Aika held the handgun in her shaky grip. "Go ahead, just point and shoot," Becky instructed patiently. Aika raised the gun and faced it towards the two muzzled victims. Hands trembling uncontrollably, she closed her eyes. "I... I just can't do it..." "What?!" Becky was shocked beyond words, well every word except "what". "We don't even know them. They might know something vitally important. They might have families back home. How is it our place to decide whether they live or die?" Both the objects for target practice shook their heads in agreement. Becky facefaulted. Aika ungagged the men. "So what is your story little fellas?" The one in the bathrobe spoke up, "Hey, I'm not that little, if you know what I mean?" Aika blinked. Becky drew her gun. He quickly added, "But seriously ladies, I am an extra-dimensional, meta- physical entity unlike anything you have ever previously encounter." Aika poked him, "You seem real enough to me." "Yes, those are just the effects of your dimension on our bodies. We take-on the physical embodiment of what our personality and mental philosophy dictates." "Then why are you dressed like a young Hugh Hefner?" Becky asked skeptically. Sweatdropping, he answered, "Eh, heh heh... Well I'm what you folks would call a hentai daemon. Pleased to meet you I am Gaulstaff." He would have offered a hand to shake had they not been tied together behind him. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #Firecracker-Nuccoa: Gaulstaff Full Name: Lord Hentai Gaulstaff Occupation: Controller of Girls With Guns, Exotic Dancer (All statistics are rated from 1 to Infinity.) Intelligence: Infinity Age: Infinite Reflexes: Infinity Measurements: Claims to fit into a size 6 Technical: Infinity Blood Type: Vasoline Body: Infinity Favorite Food: Anything Phallic Looks: Infinity Least Favorite Food: Anchovies Charisma: Infinity Hobbies: Table Dancing, Part-time Tentacle Demon Cool: Infinity Luck: Infinity Psi: Infinity Hit Points: Infinity/Infinity+1 Mana: Really High AC: Infallible Abilities: -Make lewd comment -Creates a force of wind powerful enough to make breasts get all bouncy-like -Ogle girl -Orgazmo ray Contains ten essential vitamins and mineral. Edible and encouraged. Tap to reach orgasm. Background: One of the five evil Daemons controlling the story of Girls With Guns, Gaulstaff has always been the naughty one. Anything even slightly fanservicey should be blamed on him. Kicked from his home dimension and trapped in the "real" world of the Girls With Guns universe, Gaulstaff is forced to take human form. Possible weakness? We'll just have to wait and see. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Okay... who's this freak?" Becky quizzed politely, indicating the freak. "i aN m.R hAte, dA TiE-poH D mAn!" Mr. Hat announced proudly. Again, "What?!" was the only response Becky could think of. "You better let me do the talking," Gaulstaff told Mr. Hat. "This is Mr. Hat... you should just read the Data File." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #Boing: Mr. Hat Full Name: Jeremiah Bedivere Hat III Occupation: Typo demon (All statistics are rated from -Infinity to Infinity.) Intelligence: Read error. Please reinput. Reflexes: Read error. Please reinput. Technical: Read error. Please reinput. Body: Read error. Please reinput. Looks: Read error. Please reinput. Charisma: Read error. Please reinput. Cool: Read error. Please reinput. Luck: Read error. Please reinput. Psi: Read error. Please reinput. Age: Read error. Please reinput. Measurements: Read error. Please reinput. Blood Type: Read error. Please reinput. Favorite Food: Read error. Please reinput. Least Favorite Food: Read error. Please reinput. Hobbies: Read error. Please reinput. Hit Points: Read error. Please reinput. Mana: Read error. Please reinput. AC: Read error. Please reinput. Abilities: -Crappy writing, speaking and thinking skills -Inputted own stats on Data File -Creepy looking -Screw things up Can tell you where the one ring is, but would you understand him? Edible, if you were really desperately hungry, and I mean _REALLY_. Tap to get something sticky on your finger. Background: One of the five Daemons controlling Girls With Guns, Mr. Hat is responsible for all the typos, grammatical errors, plot inconsistencies, continuity flubs, and just general rudeness and bad personal hygiene. None of the other four Daemons know how he got thrown into the mix. Has grown a personal attachment to Gaulstaff, who treats Mr. Hat like he was his own neglected, abused child. When banned from his dimension, Mr. Hat took the nearest thing to human form he could imagine. Let's just say he missed. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Becky and Aika finished reading the Data File. "'kay..." was Becky's response. Aika's was, "How adorable!" "What?!" This time Becky was not alone in her response. "...Anyway," Becky tried to get back on topic, "it says here that there are five of you, who are the others?" Gaulstaff handed, in the best way he could with being tied up and all, two more Data Files to the girls. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #Eggs on wheat with a side of rice: Telemachus Gestalt Full Name: Telemachus Gestalt, the Grand Poo-Bah of Pointless Violence Occupation: Killing, Hurting, Maiming, Damaging, Stabbing, Destroying, Annoying (All statistics are rated from -Infinity to 0.) Intelligence: 0 Age: Really Old Reflexes: 0 Measurements: Manly Technical: 0 Blood Type: Hellfire and Beer Body: 0 Favorite Food: Ramen Looks: 0 Least Favorite Food: "Veggies" Charisma: 0 Hobbies: Torturing, Abusing, Disco Dancing Cool: 0 Luck: 0 Psi: 0 Hit Points: A lot Mana: Even more AC: Down there a ways Abilities: -Kills with out reason -Make-up -Be an asshole -Whine -Decisive, not always with the best solutions though May contain irritable bowel syndrome. Edible, +7 to gas pains. Tap and get your finger chopped off. Background: One of the five Daemons controlling Girls With Guns, Telemachus tends to react violently with the slightest or even no provocation. He is responsible for all the pointless, pointful, half-a-point, and even pointed violence contained in Girls With Guns. As you can imagine, he was in control most of the time. If you don't like someone then just send Telemachus after him, he'll get the job done. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Becky turned to the next sheet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- MAGICAL GIRL DO-GOODERS Data File Entry #(Silly sound): Danderbutt Full Name: Danderbutt the Indian Mystic, spiritual name: Little Running Gag, the Joke Killer, Master of Rendundancy and Bearer of the Longest Character Name Occupation: Repeats Jokes Till They Make You Want To Turn Your Head and Cough (All statistics are rated from Lower Infinity to Upper Infinity.) Intelligence: Upper Infinity Age: Way Up There Reflexes: Upper Infinity Measurements: Average for himself Technical: Upper Infinity Blood Type: Liquid Pun Body: Upper Infinity Favorite Food: Buffalo Wings Looks: Upper Infinity Least Favorite Food: Chicken Charisma: Upper Infinity Hobbies: What else do you need when you make bad Cool: Upper Infinity jokes 24-7 Luck: Upper Infinity Psi: Upper Infinity Hit Points: Full Mana: Maxed out AC: You'd have a better chances of hitting a bullet with the broadside of a barn Abilities: -Make Joke -Do Things Over Again -Do Things Over Again -Do Things Over Again -Do Things Over Again May contain an ounce of fat, but you wouldn't guess it by looking at him. Inedible, just because. Tap for reruns. Background: One of the five Daemons controlling Girls With Guns, Danderbutt is the self- proclaimed King of Funny Stuff. He is responsible for every joke, gag, spoof, pun, gimmick and satire contained in the story, be they good, bad or indifferent. He is also responsible for the repetition of things that have already happened. Whenever a joke is beaten into the ground, you can bet he'll be there... with a mallet. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "These are only four," Becky pointed out. "So?" Gaulstaff answered. "So, who's the fifth guy?" "You don't want to know." "Why?" Aika asked. "Trust me, just don't ask." "All right," Both girls responded together. They looked over at each other to see the others reaction to the latest turn of events. Aika smiled kawaiily at Becky. Becky wanted so much to just punch her in the teeth. * * * Dropping out of the door and landing face first in the sand, Telemachus and Danderbutt oof'ed loudly. After picking themselves up and spending an hour and a half trying to brush off all the damned, bloody annoying sand, they set out to find/stop/whatever the two magical girls. ~!@#%^&*()_+ Author's Notes: A sharp! Words of Stupidity: Holy crap! I'm finally finished! o/~ Happy Dance! Doin' The Happy Dance! o/~ I still can't believe I even signed up to write this. What the hell was I thinking? The two weeks after I signed up I cram-read all 65 freakin' parts. What an insane task. But, I read 'em all and this is what I came up with. It was originally going to be just two Acts (the last two), but since the part before mine ended in a way that needed dealing with, I wrote the first Act. This the longest part I've ever written. Took up three whole notepad files. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. Wow. I still can't believe I'm done. First off thanks go to Rags who has always been and will always be my pre-prereader (most of the time, unless he's busy and I'm feeling impatient) He goes through everything before it goes to anyone else. One of these days he will write his own part for something. He got me into Impro and I'm eternally grateful to him for that. Thanks dude. W4 also helped by prereading the first part for me while it was still pretty raw. Let me tell you something, if you think you were screwed before... heh heh. Ravi did a lot of spelling/grammar/punctution stuff for me too. He also worked nice and quick, since this part was just barely finished on time. ^_^;;; I apologize for any errors not correct. This part was barely finished on time, not leaving me much time to go over everything. I also wish to apologize for the lack of poetry in my notes. This is an adendum, billions and billions of thanks and apologies go out to Aaron Shattuck. He helped me write the scene of death and carnage at the Staples Center. I forgot to add a mention of this in my original Author's BS. He was great and really gave it that *vomit* touch. I'm sorry for forgetting about him. Next time I think I'll finish my part on time. ^_^;;;