Improfanfic presents... MAGICAL GIRL HUNTER *omake* An Improfanfic created by Aaron Shattuck Today's Episode: Silver Pain-in-the-Ass Written by OgOpOgO- ===== It was just after the fun filled night at Shubby-chan's. Itami and I were killing time down at the office, playing darts. Clients didn't always make appointments, so we were expected to keep some office hours. Sailor H was still off doing her thing, probably making life difficult for magical girls everywhere. Aika had school now, as it was only noon. Noon?! Perfect, now I could take a break from getting my ass handed to me in darts. I hurriedly tossed my last one and sat up. "Itami, lets get some lunch." "Yeh," was the sound that escaped from Itami as he scored his last bull's eye. ----- We made our way a block over. Past the park there was a Kentucky Fried Chicken, and I had a hankering for some mashed potatoes. Itami broke off from myself as we passed a comic book store, which was what I expected. Itami had an addiction. He liked to read magical girl manga. He would go into manga shops and read through each months new stories, then he would buy something violent and pretend that nothing ever happened. Once I caught him, and when I asked him about it, he said it was research, but deep down I knew he was a softy for a cute girl in a skirt. Anyhow, he would be at the store until I passed by again later, so I continued on my way. The Colonel's pimple-faced employee greeted me, and I ordered a bucket of chicken, some mashed potatoes, and a couple Pepsi's. Crossing back through the park again on my way to the office, I saw three young girls who must have also been on a lunch break. Each of them wore backpacks with different magical girls on them: Cheery Crystal Knight, Mystical Pixie Lollipop, and the Gorgeous Justice Soldiers. It made me slow down for a moment. So many people the world over loved these little girls who battled for such righteous causes. Was it right for Itami and me to hunt them? To earn our living slaughtering them for the benefit of the villains who can't stop them alone? I considered it while I walked through the park. I would have considered it longer, but I was interrupted by a young woman's voice. "Foul monster who battles on the side of evil and greed, I will put you in your place. For the memory of my fallen comrades..." I knew a magical girl speech when I heard one, and this one was directed at me. I reached into my coat for my piece and tried to get a bead on where the home for my next bullet was. However, I was caught off guard and a silver boot planted itself in my face, the heroine it belonged to vaulting off and upwards. My chicken went flying, and I knew then that, no, it wasn't wrong to prey on magical girls for a living. I brought my gaze up, and my jaw dropped to the ground. Poised on top of the next park light, wagging her finger at me, was a silver clad warrior with a decidedly crayon-like motif and a same colored baby chick on her shoulder. She 'tisked' at me and continued her rambling, "... I will deliver upon you a mono- chromatic justice unlike that which you've ever felt before. I am a warrior of peace and justice, given power to stop your likes by the Forces of Good. I am the Shining Crayon Knight Silver! FEEL MY WAXY WRATH!" I would have killed her long before she finished all of this, if it wasn't for the fact that she was already supposed to be dead. The last of those jokers, the Crayon Knights, was blown to Kingdom Come no less then a week ago. Oh well, I'd have to worry about that later, right now she was pointing her big crayon wand at me, and experience said that was bad. She gave a battle cry of "Silver Blast!", and I rolled to the side as a beam of pure silver charred the ground where I had sat. Sadly, when I rolled I lost hold of the mashed potatoes and drinks. Oh man, this magical annoyance went too far now. I grabbed my gun and tried to aim. Unfortunately, another blast of silver light prevented me from getting the Crayola warrior in my sights. She descended from her perch and began hand-to-crayon combat, waving that stupid thing around like it was a sword. All the while her chick was peeping at me with a vengeance unrivaled... for a cute baby chick at least. She deflected my fist with her wand and gave me a fairly strong kick to the head. As I reeled and fell into a bush, she turned and knocked a knife out of the air, one that would have otherwise lodged itself into the back of her lousy schoolgirl head. From twenty-paces away, Itami gave his best impression of a look of surprise. I was pretty surprised too. This kind of 'danger sense', you know, that thing that makes note-worthy magical girls say things like "Oh me oh my I have a bad feeling about this place, it has an evil power.", was usually reserved for experienced do-gooders. To see one of Mashihaisha Ultra's mass- produced generic soldiers deflect that kind of shot made one wonder. Maybe witnessing the death of dozens of friends gave her some kind of as-good-as-the- real-thing power? 'Worry about that later Yoi, right now you've just been kicked in the head,' said the little voice in my mind that keeps me alive. Silver turned and laughed. "This dishonorable cretin would be expected to have someone else ready to stab his enemies in the back." She didn't seem to realize that, until now, she was one of sixty-four Knights, which meant she always had a friend ready to sneak up and get her enemy from behind. "SILVER..." she began to cry, and the tip of her colored-wax tool of destruction gained an ominous silver glow. But before she could finish her powering up, Itami drew a bowie knife and sliced the crayon in half, expelling the build up of power in a bright blast and blowing the two combatants away from each other. Itami crashed into a park statue and seemed to lull into unconsciousness. Shining Crayon Knight Silver flipped and made a three-point landing a few meters back, where she immediately inspected her ruined weapon. That stupid silver chick hopped down to the ground, peeped to get its master's attention, and started running in a circle. Since I was no longer part of the shrubbery, I thought that this would be a fun time to put a hole in Silver's head, but again that warning klaxon in her brain went off and she turned to me. She gave a yell of "Shining Silver Flash!", and immediately the hentai in me thought that this might be a neat magical attack to see. Obviously I had been kicked in the head harder then I thought. I got a dose of reality as she accelerated quickly, enveloped in her customary silver light, and knocked me back a few meters with a shoulder tackle. My gun went flying. As I recovered, I saw what that chick had been doing. It summoned forth a new item for its magical girl protégé to use... a crayon sharpener. Knight Silver was feverishly working the broken crayon wand in the sharpener, trying to make the weapon useful again. I stood and started to move for my gun, but stopped after a couple steps. Between me and my .45 was that damned fuzzy chick again. I stepped to the left, and it hopped to the left to stay between me and the gun. I stepped to the right, and it hopped to the right, peeping in defiance, daring me to do something! So finally I got upset and booted the chick across the street, then dived for the weapon. Well, Silver wasn't having any of that. She fired a Silver Blast and I rolled over to see what her next attack would be. She pounced and brought her wand down to 'stab' me. My reflexes kicked in and caught the wand centimeters from my face. While we struggled, a woman walked by, giving the spectacle a bored glance and moving on her way. Magical girl's fighting evil just didn't do it for people these days. Finally, I forced the wand up into the magical nuisance's nose. When she faltered, I kicked her off of me. I sat up quickly, surprised to see that the chick was back, peeping more than ever. I snatched it up and gave it a tight squeeze. It gave a final peep of protest and then its head launched off. I got at least a half meter vertical that time. I smiled, pleased with myself. I heard Silver give a cry of sadness and disgust, and looked to see her holding a bloody nose and leveling the wand at me. She lowered her hand from her face, her glove stained red. "Monster, care to guess what happens now?" she asked smugly as she stalked forward, a charge building in her crayon of death. "Your jugular splits in two and you die with a look of horror and surprise on your face?" I answered her plainly. She gave a menacing chuckle and loomed closer, "Care to try again?" "No," I shook my head cheerily. So with that, her neck split open across her jugular and a fountain of blood issued forth. She fell to her knees with a look of incredibility and utter terror on her face. I swept up my gun, brought it to bear on her, and put a shot between her eyes. Her final attack was to have the brand new hole in her head spit blood on my shoe, then she toppled forward. Itami stood behind her, wiping blood off of his blade and probably not feeling too good about the bump he had on the back of his head. "Waste of ammo," he chastised as best as his tired voice could. I had to smile. I stood up and draped an arm over my partner. "Now, now. You know as well as I that there is no such thing as a waste of ammo when shooting magical girls." So with that done, we recovered our lunch and headed back to the office. I was incredibly thankful that the crayon box that created these girls was only a sixty-four pack, and not one of those jumbo sizes. I sincerely hoped this was the last Shining Crayon Knight to speak of, but somehow I didn't think I was that lucky. ===== So there you have it, folks. I took advantage of a typo in chapter ten which led me to assume that at least two Crayon Knights weren't in the pile of girls when the grenade went off (a 57 instead of a 59). Does that mean there is another Crayon Knight stalking our hero's? Or did that final girl decide to give up after seeing all her friends go ka-blooey? Is the final Knight the mysterious Indian Red, soon to be taken off the market? Does it really matter? Should I know? OgOpOgO- And I'd like to thank The Black Snotling, Sir Gareth, and A.o.D. from the MVFC/UVR chatroom for prereading and comments. If you hate what you read... its their fault 'cause they told me to do it!