The Following fanfic is not rated. It contains adult situations, adult language, sexual situations, brief nudity, and violence. Parental guidance is suggested. The author of this fanfiction, the owner's of the site you found it on, and the Magnificent Zorro can not be held responsible for any damage or disease, irreversible or not, that may besiege your vital organs or loved ones should you read this story. ===== Improfanfic presents... MAGICAL GIRL HUNTERS *omake* An Improfanfic created and started by Aaron Shattuck. Today's Episode: What Are Little Girls Made of? or Itami's First Emotion Written by OgOpOgO- ===== Itami and I shuffled about in the bushes. We were on one of those good ole fashioned stake outs, this time at a peaceful Junior High on the edge of Tokyo. We were keeping tabs on some may-be magical girls that were causing a lot of trouble for a certain client (a client who happened to be known for using children in sweatshops, far be it for us to tell that client how to treat a bunch of little girls). And damn if we weren't bored. We had to see if there was any way we could catch the girls in their magical forms before we could make any kills, so we waited for any suspicious activities to crop up that would force them to change. Schools were pretty big targets for yoma and the such. Of course, why wouldn't it be? Yoma were destined losers, and attacking your enemy when they were all gathered as one force was a pretty quick way to lose. Well, unless of course you were like me and my partner. We had a 99% success rate. Anyway, if nothing happened by the end of today, we would go ahead and set something up to coax our targets into their alter-ego's. The four girls in question were the Metal Warrior Sugarpuffs, a twelve- year-old only club for girls with the power to don power suits in sickly pastel colors. Despite the candy-coated name and the non-threatening color scheme, the girls packed lots of fire power, and Itami and I were going to have to be careful when it came time to hit them. I gave a bored sigh. Maybe we should just skip ahead and setup a trap. Then, as if the heavens above sensed my ennui, a FAMWOT poked its head out of the middle girls backpack. A FAMWOT, for those of you who don't know, is a "Familiar and/or Animal Mentor Who Often Talks", which in general describes most of those annoying pets magical girls kept around. They provided advice, new powers, and untold of levels of cuteness which most humans can't stand for more than six seconds. This one, some Easter-egg-yellow cat with long ears, reminded its carrier of the raid the girls were going to do on one of our client's fronts this night. Well that was good enough for the Magical Girl Hunters. We confirmed they were magical girls, and knew when they would be in their magical girl forms. I looked to Itami, and he looked back knowingly. He had, somehow, been more bored then usual on this expedition, so I knew he was glad we could leave now. I motioned along the trail of bushes we had been moving behind. They would lead us out of the magical team's sight so we could get to our car. Right now, the four girls were in a fairly quiet spot on the school grounds. No one else was in sight, and probably not in earshot either. Or so I thought. I looked back to make sure Itami knew where we were heading, but he had a distant look in his eyes. He was staring past the team into some trees beside the outer wall of the school. I watched the same small grove, and soon I caught a glimpse of what my partner had spotted. Another girl poked her head out, it seemed she too was watching our quarry. I didn't actually see much of her, but she was noticeably older than the girls we were tailing. It was obvious to Itami and me that she wasn't from this school. And the judgement that had decided to give us the information on where the girls were going tonight decided instead that we should be punished. Before our eyes, the older girl gripped at her blouse and tore it off. As soon she was free of it, a transformation sequence began. My eyebrow perked up. I had seen many transformations before, but I think that was the first time one ever started like that. To be safe, I gripped my piece (gun, you fool). The sequence continued. The first thing my brain said was "This isn't something a normal magical girl would be doing!". The rest of her clothing had torn away, and she wasn't making much of an attempt to hide her body. That wasn't terribly uncommon, but this girl was reveling in it. She sucked gently on a finger for a moment, looking all the more like a porn star, then she brought that finger to her nipple. Her other hand slid provocatively up the inside of her leg, pausing at her... Whoa. My eyes nearly fell out of my head. Not many magical girls struck poses like that, but I wasn't complaining. Black vinyl formed over her legs and her now crossed arms, forming boots and gloves. Black panties formed, then were obscured by an incredibly short black skirt (it may be better to call it a frilly belt). As a tight, small, vinyl blouse formed over her top she opened her arms. Metal studs, a dog collar, a pair of hand cuffs hooked to her skirt, and finally a long leather whip finished the ensemble. "Well........... holy shit!" said my brain. I wished I had been able to record that on tape. I looked to Itami, but I couldn't tell if he had seen this spectacle or not. Stoic as ever. The thing is, I knew this magical girl. In fact, I had taken a couple pot shots at her once before. I recalled her name as 'Sailor H'. Still completely dumbfounded, I looked back to see what this new arrival would do. Already she was on a tree limb, looking down on our marks. o/Denizens of cuteness, heed my cry! Prepare yourselves. You're *all* gonna die!/° sang out the magical pornstar. The four girls below looked up quickly, obviously caught by surprise. The pastel kitten cried for the girls to transform, and immediately they did so. I looked again at Itami, he was watching this whole scene with the same excited look you would give when doing math homework. Suddenly remembering a pile of bills to pay, I spoke. "This is our cue, we can get things done early," I told him, and somehow he already had a knife in his hand. As the four girls went through their own less hardcore sequences, the leather clad warrior jumped down and took out the critter. She caught it with the end of her whip and threw it into a wall, then followed up with a spiked heel through the head. Smiling contentedly and kicking the FAMWOT off her boot, she turned to her four targets. For our part, I grabbed the closest girl out of the field of light that had enveloped her and slammed her against a tree, her eyes flying open in terror. "Itami, what are magical girls made of?" I asked with a smile. "Sugar and spice and six pints of blood," he deadpanned, with something approaching a smile of his own. With that, Itami gave two quick slashes to the flesh where the young one's power suit hadn't yet combined. Her guts spilled out, her neck opened wide, and Itami finished the attack with a stab to the heart. Said stab gave a reply by gushing blood onto Itami, not that he cared. Needlessly violent, but I wasn't going to tell my friend how to have a good time. The girls had finished their transformations, and were now almost completely armored in a tight plastic-looking material. They looked suddenly disturbed when they saw that their pastel-pink comrade and their dinky furball friend were missing. The eldest magical girl, that being H, gave a mind- numbingly annoying laugh. "Ooooh ho ho ho, come get it little warriors of Good." "Who are you!?" returned the pastel-green Metal Warrior. She raised what our research told us was her 'Mini Rocket Launcher of Happy Good Thoughts', capable of taking out tanks and army helicopters. These sweet little girls were bitches to challenge. "Sailor H!" shouted the leather whip toting one, and she leapt around a corner with another laugh. The green and purple Sugarpuffs rocketed forward to stop their malicious new foe. The light blue twelve-year-old would have followed, but a hollow-point friend of mine convinced her to fall to the ground and spill her brains instead. "Oops Itami, it doesn't look like their heads are properly protected." Itami blinked. "Shame." I lead the way as Itami and I pursued the last two contracts. Rounding the corner, I saw the pastel-green magical girl wrapped against a tree by a length of whip. Sailor H brought her face to within centimeters of her prey's face. A trail of blood ran down H's cheek, I assume because Green had managed a successful attack. The little fighter wrestled an arm free and brought a 'Joyous Sugar Death-Laser' to H's head. Sailor H gave a look that spoke of disappointment in her fellow magical girl's attempt and her hand snapped out and broke the device on the Sugarpuff Fighter's wrist. Note to self: Sailor H likes things to go her way. Satisfied that the little one wouldn't try that again anytime soon, H continued. She ran her fingers through the Metal Warrior's hair and then down to her side. Her fingers gently caressed the younger magical girls exposed side, and then tried to find their way up under the armor. With her free hand, H wiped away the blood still trickling down her cheek. Her gaze went from her captive's eyes to her own hand then back. With a dark smile, she slowly ran her tongue across the tip of a sullied finger. At this point my jaw fell the rest of the way to the ground. This young woman was practically radiating waves of naughty thoughts. The green suited girl finally gave a cry of longing like an emotional dam had burst. Groping forward with her free hand, she gave H's breast a squeeze. I took a step back. That was some weird ass power, or else that little girl had been hiding something from her friends for a while (or had she? I couldn't tell up from down right now). Sailor H, seeming satisfied, smiled at the warrior, and with a lighting quick movement she cut open the young ones wrist with her fingernails. Blood started pouring out, and the Sugarpuff warrior stared in disbelief, probably feeling tremendously cheated. H stood up straight, her smile growing. Her arm lashed out palm first and struck the girl in the nose. A sickening, mushy-crunchy sound came out of the little one, and she slumped forward, pieces of cartilage lodged into her brain. My jaw was still on the ground. This hentai queen must have some seriously fucked up issues to resolve. From my side I heard Itami. "On your right." I reached inside my coat, flicked a latch off of the holster for my single barrel shotgun, gave the thing a shake to pump it for action, and raised the gun blindly to my right. I pulled the trigger and blew the face off of the girl in the pastel-purple suit, spilling gore over the landscape. Just as nonchalantly I returned it to its holster and snapped the latch back on. Of course, our sick magical girl killing friend heard the shot, and she made her way over to meet us. While she approached she put her gloves back on and coiled her whip. When she reached me, she introduced herself with a kind slap to the face with that same coiled whip. "Fucker. Why are you killing my targets?" she asked, skipping pleasantries. "Ahh, she must remember me," I smiled inwardly. I found were my lower jaw had gotten off to, and managed a reply. "Uh... we were contracted to take them out," I said with all the smoothness of a mountain range. She seemed startled by the "we" part, and her eyes darted over to Itami, who managed an unenthusiastic "Hi." Faster than my eyes could perceive, she latched herself onto him. Her gloved hand rubbed circles on his chest. "Hi. What's your name, cutey?" she spoke in an unrestrained schoolgirl voice. Itami, I swear on the grave of my favorite grandmother who made those delicious peanut-butter cookies, *smiled* dreamily! Well, at least he did for a good half of a second. If all this weirdness kept up I was going to retire early and find a nice magical girl to settle down with. "This is Itami, and I'm Yoi," I spoke for my near comatose partner. I'm pretty sure her ears stopped listening after I said his name. She spoke to Itami, "Well it doesn't matter who killed those girls anyway, as long as there's that much less cute in the world. I'll be seeing you again, sweetie." She pinched is butt and gave him a wink, and with that done, she leapt to the top of the school and went on her way. "Wow," I said to my friend, "that's a nice piece of ass." I caught a fleeting glimpse of black panties. I didn't even consider that she was a magical girl. "She seems nice." For Itami that meant something like "You can be the best man at the wedding, Yoi." "I guess we're done here, lets go get a pizza." So, after that day we were formally introduced to her hentai-ness, Sailor H. She was quite memorable, and we saw her again from time to time. She never liked me, she always adored Itami, and she slaughtered little girls and cute FAMWOT's like it was nobodies business. Suffice it to say, we didn't mind at all getting free help on jobs. The only problem was cleaning up her victims. Even we weren't that vicious. ===== OgOpOgO- And I'd like to thank some of my pals from over at the MVFC (http://www.brawl.org/) and UVR (http://www.slack.net/~arctic/rumble.html) hangout. The Black Snotling: For prereading and bugging me to send this off. Sir Gareth: For prereading and some good suggestions. A.o.D.: For nothing really... the guy is a cancer.