<< Word of Warning: Hopefully, I don't have anything wrong here, but I did write this part in a hurry with no chance to have anyone edit it, and consequently may have inadvertently made mistakes. So please forgive me if I do. =) -Terry! >> Things couldn't get any worse... After getting the brilliant idea to raid an idol singer benefit concert, we're not only attacked by an entire plethora of magical girls that happened to be the main attraction, but we also get personal visits from both Mashihaisha Ultra and Shub-Nigguroth, and then attacked by even more magical girls -- _reincarnated_ ones this time, no less, thanks to the fuzzy, cutesy tome of forbidden knowledge known as the Necronomicute. And then, to make matters even more nightmarish, a horde of youma simply pop up from nowhere, and to top things off, even before we get properly worked up to at least make a stand against said powerful, destructive horde, up pops even _more_ magical girls, who decide to knock me out, cart me off, and serve me tea while the fate of my bodily existance is being debated. I definitely need a vacation. -------------------------------------------- Improfanfic presents: MAGICAL GIRL HUNTERS Episode 16: "Magical Women"? Written by M. Terry (hunterx@shellworks.com) Edited by Prof. R. J. Gumby Series Created by Aaron Shattuck -------------------------------------------- Just to pass the time, I decided to concentrate more on the possible locations I could visit on vacation than my current "in captivity" status. More specifically, my mind dwelled on places that included skimpily-dressed women, cheap beer, and a spa. I dwelled further on what said women might do with and to me in said spa as I downed my cup of tea, placing it on the table beside me instead of the saucer/doily combination provided. The Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl (as I've oh-so-affectionately dubbed her, since she hasn't really said anything let alone tell me her name as of yet) gave me yet another of her many versions of the "you are sooooo dead" look in retaliation, then went back to her pre-appointed tasks of sipping her own cup of tea, looking at the door behind me in disgust, and looking at me with varied strengths of loathing. Not that I really cared, of course. What I was slightly worried about, though, was the amount of time it was taking the ruckus behind me to decide whether or not I should live. I normally thought that it would be a snap decision: I, being a magical girl hunter, was therefore deemed "Evil Scourge" by my prey (at least that's what they yelled at me before making those glurky sounds commonly associated with a gutshot wound), and therefore would logically follow that I would be eliminated without a second thought, probably involving rainbows, light and other assorted cutesiness. Or, if they were clever enough, they could append a sure-death situation to the end of my tenure of service with them -- go get a gallon of milk and end up in Youma Central for instance. But from what I tried to decipher from the din coming from the back room, neither of these options had been mentioned. Really, I couldn't hear too much of anything due to the frequent unintelligible shouting matches. Apparently, the Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl felt the same sort of worry about my fate as I did but just took it a different way; everytime she glanced towards the door, the look of disgust on her face increased. In efforts to break her out of her tedium of staring at said door, I offered her kindly the job of refilling my teacup, with the hopes of lifting her spirits in work-filled bliss. Acutally, it came out more like "Gimme some tea, will ya?" The Blue Fuku'ed Girl turned her disgust towards me for a split second, snatched my teacup, and skipped -- no, actually, I sensed a bit more "storming around" from her than skipping -- over to the tea service in the corner. Returning with the tea, she decided to say the first sentence since her "You can provide a service to us" speech five minutes ago: "Jesus, it's taking them forever." "Probably figuring out in just what ways I could be useful besides playing 'Darwin of the Magical Girls,'" I decided to reply. "Y'know, gardner, plumber, someone to clean up after those magical furballs you guys have... I mean we _do_ have leash laws 'round here..." She added more "disgust towards my existance" to the look she gave me this time, daintily setting the teacup onto the saucer as not to make a mess. "You know, if I had my way, I'd be in there adding my vote for 'Dispose of you discreetly in some sewage system'. But from the sound of things, the 'Let you live' party is making a comeback." In response, the ruckus in the back room rose a few decibles, helping the words "hunter", "vile actions", and -- here's the shocking one -- "evil scourge" float to my ears. "I'm honored. Really." I grabbed the teacup and downed it in one gulp. For added effect, I again placed the teacup on the bare table, with the evil part of my soul praying that it would leave a ring at least. The Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl snickered. "Heck, you should be surprised at who's trying to save your bacon in there. Especially, since from what I hear, you vaporized her familiar while it was clinging to her chest!" I blinked. That at least gave me a clue as to who the rest of this little party might be -- well at least it narrowed it down to about... oh... between fifty and hundred of the local magical girls at least. What could I say, it was fun shooting their familiars as they flitted around so cutely; it put the fear of God into the girl associated with the newly-deceased giblet -- made them think a bit before restarting their crusade against me. I blinked again. Funny, though, I don't remember actually shooting too many familiars as they were actually clinging to... their.... Then, the realization struck me. It was almost like how the idea hits you when you've been trying to solve a Rubik's Cube and you've done pretty much everything to it save peeling off all the stickers and re-taping them to the cube in the right pattern and, just after you throw it against a wall in a final act of desperation, you come to realize that all you have to do is just make two twists to solve it, thereby becoming the envy of... well... no one. Pretty much the same feeling, but with nothing to throw. As if unsuprisingly on cue, the door behind me slammed open. From the shuffling of feet, I could tell that the room's occupants were starting on their way to gather around me. I started straining against the bright mauve ribbon that bound me to the easychair I was strapped into, to give the impression that if I was going out, I was going out flailing wildly. Figures... the damn ribbon wouldn't even wrinkle unfashionably, let alone show any signs of possible weakness. And then I could feel the warmness of someone breathing on my neck just behind my ear... And then, whispered ever so softly, "Hello, Yoi...." I sighed. "Hello, H." With quickness that would surprise even a jackrabbit, H slid from behind the chair and into a rather provocative position on my lap. Well, at least she tried, but the rather bulky crimson robe she was wearing (instead of her usual damn-near-next-to-nothing) impeded her movements, and she ended up in a rather clumsy perch on my lap. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl roll her eyes in her usual disgust-filled manner. "Wow! I've never seen an evil scourge close up before! This is so cool!" said a very blonde, very buxom girl as she skipped around the chair, lapped the blue fuku'ed one three times, waved at me timidly, and then proceeded to simply bounce up and down in place. (Not that I was complaining about the last part, mind you.) This magical girl happened to look about a year or two younger than my blue-fuku'ed friend and, in fact, wore a fuku very much like her blue companion, only that hers was a very bright yellow and very... accommodating to her frame, to put it mildly. "For God's sake, Kei... will you please stop?" the blue-fuku'ed one spat out, holding her head as if the top of it was about ready to pop off due to pressure. The rather exuberant yellow magical girl stopped her bouncing (unfortunately) and gave the blue fuku'ed one a look mixed with sterness and shock. "Shhhh!" Kei hissed back at her, then adding in a more quiet voice, "I'm not Kei now, and you know that!" The logical part of my mind noted that even though this Kei looked to be at least old enough to attend a college of some sort, she acted like she had the IQ of a doorstop -- pretty much a magical girl's mentality, really. The rest of my mind, however, was busily studying an instant replay of Kei's bouncing, this time in slow motion. The Neon Blue Fuku'ed Girl sighed. "All right, all right... Please stop, Pretty EcoWarrior Solina..." I never heard a magical girl's moniker mentioned with so much sarcasm in my entire life. Apparently, Kei didn't seem to notice at all; on cue, she struck her stock intro pose, and the yellow of her fuku seemed to brighten to the point of blinding. Meanwhile, a fourth magical girl decided to emerge from behind my easychair, revealing a woman who seemed to be in just starting into her 30s. She, like the others, was dressed in the same style of fuku, but her's was a nice shade of not-quite-so-neon forest green. Her gaze was fixed on the blue fuku'ed one. "Yuna, now what did I say about treating Kei with respect?" Yuna sighed. "I'm sorry, Mina." Mina turned towards me, but instead fixed her gaze on H, who was busily trying to free her spike-heeled boot from the bottom hem of her robe, all the while wriggling to try to stay on my lap. "Kasumi, please don't sit on our guest." Kasumi? H looked up at Mina. "Oh, sorry," she said as she rolled off of my lap, and landed gracefully on her feet beside me. Kasumi??? H turned to look at me, noticed the look of puzzlement on my face, and returned one along the lines of "Don't you dare tell anyone about this, else you'll wake up with organs missing". After a few moments of noting all four girls staring me, I decided to break the silence with a good-natured comment. "Allrighty, just to fill me in, what the hell is going on here?" "You're going to help us!" Kei squealed, resuming her bouncing. "Oh, God," Yuna replied, burying her head in her hands. Mina sighed, her expression changing from one of big sister to one of a bank employee stopping by an old couple's house just to hand them their foreclosure notice. "Well, um, we've... decided... that we need your services after all... um... in a small matter," she paused, making it obvious that this entire speech would be difficult for her. She probably never really had to _ask_ for help before in any matters (most magical girls just appear to help out others -- makes it really convenient to take out a few extra, let me tell you), let alone someone like me. "You've come highly... er... recommended from your... colleagues... and a... former... employer..." An English voice cut in. "Correction, my dear: current employer." From the left side of the easychair strolled the time-bending freak himself, Nigel Ramsbottom, complete with stereotypical teacup in hand. He took a sip of tea, and then glanced at me. "You still haven't quite finished your task, you know, old chap. And you have yet to return our weapons." Well, he had me there on both counts, but I decided to ignore him. "Where's the rest of my team?" Mina spoke up. "Oh, they're fine. Right now, they're enjoying dinner downstairs." Before the logical part of my mind could parse that statement to find any hint of mistruth, the rest of my mind grabbed hold of my vocal cords. "Then why have I been tied to this friggin' chair all day?" This seemed to catch everyone else except Nigel, who simply smiled and set his teacup on the saucer he held in his other hand. "Ladies, would you excuse me and my colleague for a second?" The four magical girls nodded and disappeared behind me -- Kei decided to wave as she went by my chair. Nigel went to sip his tea again. "Well, you _are_ the leader of this merry band of assassins... the brains of the operation, in an extremely figurative sort of way. Therefore, you, ideally, are the one I have to convince to help me." With a bemused smirk on his face, he fluffed the bow on the ribbon that held me to the chair. "The... um... security precautions were asked for by the magical women... just in case you decided to turn on them." "Magical _womem_?" That was a new term for me. "It's what the ladies prefer to be called." Nigel calmly sipped his tea yet again. "Seems that they've been given a rather bad rap lately, what with the recent influx of poorly-trained magical girls onto the scene." "Okay... but how does that involve me and my business?" "Simple," Nigel stated. "Since you haven't actually completed the task I gave to you, you are still in my debt. These lovely ladies came by asking for my assistance, and I couldn't refuse them my aid." Nigel sipped his tea again. He was starting to make me rather thirsty, actually. "And then I thought about you and your group and how you would be absolutely perfect for this job." "Define what you mean by job." Great, the usual scenario is playing out again: Mr. Employer determines that I'm still under contract, so they want to squeeze a bit more work out of me before they consider it well and done (and I consider claming some sort of "overtime pay"). "Just a continuation of the job that we agreed on. You finish your job with the 'Shubby-chan's Club'..." "But we did that already!" I decided to mention. "Remember? Lots of destruction? Scary monsters fall over and die? Club go boom?" "Yes, yes, but you only hit three of the four people on my list. And the forth one's still loose. And right now..." Ramsbottom looked up in thought, as if somewhere on the ceiling was written the rest of his sentence. "Yes, right now, she's with Ultra." I groaned. So Reika went back to working with Ultra again. My mind raced through what I could remember of the attack at the concert, and as far as I could remember, I saw her just before Captain Kawaii made her appearance. Part of me decided to contemplate the possiblity that Nigel was just lying and that she was downstairs with Itami and Aika munching on scones or crumpets or whatever English people eat. But Nigel seemed to have that patented "mysterious quality" about him... his happened to be the fact that he just seemed to know things, and that bothered me quite a bit. In fact, Nigel seemed to know what I was thinking about right now; it felt like the brightness of his smile kicked up from low beam to high beam. "Allright, but how do the other three girls..." "Women," Nigel corrected me. "They prefer to be called magical women." I sighed. "Allright, what do these magical _women_ have to do with the cult and Ultra?" "Well, they, like you, feel that somehow Ultra and the Shub-Niggurath cult have something to do with the... manufacturing of magical girls, so to speak." "Okay, why couldn't you've found a more conventional way of talking to me about this? Like make an appointment, or stop me at the grocery store or something?" Nigel snickered, "Well, Kasumi and I felt that you would actually sit and listen. But the others wanted to do this on their own terms. Just in case you decided to turn on them and snuff them outright during one of those meetings." Nigel seemed determined to help them, although I don't know really quite why. I didn't really know quite why even Reika was helping me come to think about it. Or even why Reika's now with Ultra. To tell the truth, I've been rather confused about a lot of things lately, and anymore I just wanted to go do somthing else and think about something else for a change other than people who want to control the forces of good and evil, and all their supernatural buddies. But I figured if Nigel would help me get to the bottom of this any sooner, I'd be a very happy man. Besides, though Reika seemed to be real sweet -- weird, but sweet -- I don't take being set up too terribly well, and that just put major negative points on her side if she did. "All right, I'm in." I said, then threw in: "But my fee just went up." Thought it would be a nice test to see if he needed my help or not. "Fine! Fine! Smashing!" Nigel exclaimed, apparently ignoring the last part of my statemmsetting his teacup/saucer combination on the table next to my cup, heading for the door. "I'll go tell the others!" It took me a couple of seconds after Nigel left the room and the door closed to realize that I was still tied to the chair. Damn. ------------------------------------------------- - Will Nigel actually lead Yoi on the right path? - Did Reika actually betray Yoi and help Ultra? - Will Yoi ever be freed from his comfy confines? ....I dunno. Go find out next week. =)