Magical Girl Hunters Chapter 25:

One Hard Night

Or...

The Many uses of H Power

Part One of the Phoenix: Ashes to Dust Story Arc.

Magical Girl Hunters was originally created by Aaron Shattuck.

Shub-Niggurath and Yog-Sothoth are the creation of H.P. Lovecraft.

Warning! The contents of this Impro Fanfic may be disturbing to sensitive readers.

*************

This tale recounted by Yoi Kurasaka.

Transcribed and compiled by Philip Barkow with assistance from Matthew Campbell.

************

The conversation caught my attention when I heard the one girl tell say to the guy that she had thought his mother was dead. I've said the same to Itami more than a few times so I empathized with the sentiment. Of course that was when…

Sorry, that's the wrong story. I suppose I should finish the one I was telling last time.

Now where was I? Oh yes, I was trying to employ the old movie solution for shutting a woman up when Sailor H and Itami walked in on us.

H seemed about to make a comment, but paused as Aika burst into tears. I wasn’t sure whether to be relieved by the discovery that she wasn't totally tactless, or disturbed that yet another constant in my chaotic life had vanished. Itami busied himself guarding the door.

We had all gone through several kinds of hell. It was time to relax and recuperate. To visit one of those oases of normality that let us survive this life. I was about to suggest we go home, but then I asked myself: 'Do you really want to bring all three of them back to your apartment?'

"Come on people. Let's go, er, to the office."

In retrospect this was one of those times that makes it difficult for me to believe that I’m actually free from destiny. There has to be some guiding force out there.

And it obviously really hates me.

************

"...sorry Aika, but by the time I contacted the Balancers, Ramsbottom’s agent had already picked you up."

She didn’t reply, she just kept on crying. I was beginning to feel more than a little uncomfortable. I had no idea how to deal with this. Then I noticed that H was watching from a cross-legged seat on top of my desk. Unfortunately I wasn't in the mood to really enjoy the view.

"Yoi, I think you’d better let me take over now."

"You think you can do better?!" I snapped. She didn’t really deserve it, but I needed someone to take my frustrations out on, and Aika had been declared ineligible.

"A talk, girl to girl is what she needs right now," H said, with uncharacteristic gentleness in her tone.

"Like I said, you think you can do better?" I responded, my dry sarcasm holding more of my misery than my previous outburst.

"You’re only female technically, Yoi. Trust me, I know what I’m talking about."

I led H and Aika back into our storeroom and closed the door behind them, to let them talk. I still wonder what she said (or did when I’m in a more perverse frame of mind), but Aika seemed a little bit more her old self when she came out of there.

************

I sat down at the desk, and leaned back in the chair such that the front two legs were off the floor. I picked up a dart a couple of times. I almost took a throw at the board once. It was all automatic, the habits I've picked up over the last few years of work are hard to undo. But every time I paused for even a moment to think about what I was doing, it would hit me. I had thought I was picking up one of these when I picked up that Magical Girl wand. Which was more of a reminder of my present circumstances than I was up to dealing with right now.

At least Itami wasn't around. He would be throwing at the board. I'd try not to watch, but the regular *thuk* of the dart going into the board gets to me after a while. And every time I'd glance at the board, he'd have gotten a bull's eye. It was really enough to bring a man down.

But Itami was at home. After our last fiasco H had practically dragged him back. Now that's something that could bring a man up. Not an experience I'd had lately.

Meanwhile, Aika was sleeping it off on a cot in our storeroom. I hoped whatever H had done to her would take.

BRING-BRING, the phone rang. I was tempted to just shoot the phone, but with the luck I've been having lately I'd need the ammunition, so I picked it up.

"If you have this number, you're probably someone I don't want to talk to."

"Uh, Yoi."

"Oh, it's you. You've got a lot of nerve, calling me up. Talk about dropping a bomb at the wrong time. Fuck Keikaku, couldn't you have just waited until tomorrow to raise the dead and spent tonight not putting my ass in a sling?"

"Look, the opportunity came up suddenly, and I got overexcited."

I didn't want to talk but... I had to know. "Did you... do it?"

"Uh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about Yoi. Turns out more than one person is needed for this thing, and couple of them need to have high levels of magical energy."

"Where am I going to find people like that?!"

Keikaku remained silent for a moment as I realized just how stupid that question had been. Thank you very much, I really needed to be reminded that I wasn’t quite at my best.

"Let me consult with my partner." I put my hand over the phone for a minute while I thought it over. It would probably be more dangerous to have him try it alone. Besides, things with Reika hadn't ended like I would have wanted. Keikaku's vision of her 'true nature' was awfully attractive, though my cynicism said it sounded more like a fantasy than a theory.

"Alright, but you owe me for this. And everyone else for that matter."

"Could you come 'round to my apartment? I'd rather not discuss the details over the phone."

************

On my way there, I noticed a rather odd-looking dog watching a building from the shadows. I've learned the hard way that a small animal in a surveillance position means a Magical Girl may be nearby. Some of the smarter ones have their mascots spy for them. Probably none of my business, but recent events had made me paranoid enough to take a look.

Gave me a start to realize the thing was entirely metallic. Most magical girls don't go in for robotic mascots. Not 'close enough to nature'. I swear all magical girls are tree-huggers at heart. Figuring I had enough problems for one night, I took a pass and continued on my way.

************

Now that we were both nice and comfy (well not really, Keikaku's furniture looked better than it sat, and I couldn't find a comfortable position on his couch), I decided to get the straight scoop from Keikaku.

"I thought that Kyo and Mai's back from the dead trick didn't work anymore. What exactly are you planning?"

"True, their method of resurrection isn't supposed to work anymore, but I think this is a special case. If Reika really sold her soul to Shub-Niggurath, in theory we can just ask for it back and use all this neat equipment to generate a new body."

"_Ask for it back?!_ Keikaku, are you re-"

"Just work with me, Yoi. I've got all the angles covered. I'm pretty sure."

'I think', 'in theory', 'ask for it back', and the real kicker, 'pretty sure'. Yeah, I know I was getting plenty of warnings. Chalk my continued participation up to morbid curiosity over just how badly it would all go wrong.

"So you need Aika’s help to complete the spell?"

"Actually, if all goes well I shouldn’t need her at all. However, if something goes wrong it would be very useful to have a back-up source of mystical energy."

"I’ll try to convince her to co-operate, but I don’t think she’ll be very enthusiastic about the idea."

"It would probably be good for her. Her current levels of magical power are unstable. I would surmise she made the jump in power level as a response to prolonged stress and/or some kind of traumatic experience. Lowering her baseline level of magical energy would probably relieve some of the strain on her psyche."

The technobabble impressed me for a minute, before I remembered Keikaku wasn't exactly an expert on Magical Girls and only knew about Aika what I'd told him over the phone. I had me a strong suspicion he was bullshitting so I'd do what he wanted.

Still... What the hell, the more the merrier.

"I’ll –"

I had a sudden revelation as to how strange it was to look out at the world without a mask over my eyes. Then I blacked out.

Or at least I tried to. For a moment Koi took over completely and I was relegated to a dark corner of my own mind.

"I must go to her. She needs me now, more than ever."

"Are you alright Yoi?"

Then I regained control of myself.

"Aside from intense feelings of guilt over Aika and Kumiko, and a lingering anxiety that my Glock is going to turn into a petunia, I’m fine."

Keikaku was looking at me like an entomologist looks at a newly discovered species of insect. Or perhaps how a picnicker looks at a newly discovered species of insect.

"Gee, that doesn't sound like a normal kamen side effect. Something strange and horrible could be happening to you. We'd better get Reika's ritual done in a hurry!"

"Perhaps you could look into it first?" I asked, my frustrated undertones making it clear that I felt he should consider some reprioritizing.

************

It turned out Keikaku had a little lab in the back of his place. It wasn't that big (both of us together were standing room only), but he had some fairly sophisticated equipment. I was beginning to wonder about my good buddy.

He poked and prodded me for a while, muttering some techno-babble I didn't understand and shooting me the occasional dark look. I didn't pay any attention, figuring he owed me at least this much and probably a lot more.

When he finally seemed to have finished, as best as I could tell, I asked him, "So give it to me straight doc, will I ever play the violin again?"

He didn't take the bait. Sometimes it seemed like I was the only guy around whose sense of humor hadn't shriveled up and died.

"It's worse than I thought. Apparently your Kamen transformation has been destabilized. The separation of Captain Kawaii, the fact that Pretty Deadly is operating at a much higher power level than normal, and your altered state, all contribute to pull the transformation in directions it was never intended to go."

I tried to sort through the techno-babble but gave up in defeat. So I just assumed the worse, and as usual was only slight more optimistic than was merited.

"Is there anything you can do?"

"Anything I try is likely to only make it worse. If we leave it alone, there’s a chance it might stabilize on its own. And besides, I'm a little busy right now with the Reika project. Try to have some consideration, Yoi!"

Ah yes, there are times when the kindness of my fellow man gives me the strength to make it through the day.

"By the way, how does the video-phone work?"

"Well, the video phone function doesn’t actually display a real time image. I’ve scanned in several images of myself, and it creates the displayed image based on pre-programmed algorithms. It’s a project I’ve been working on for some time. Why do you ask?"

"No reason."

That was one less worry on my mind. At least for the moment.

************

"Oh goody, here again." H said sarcastically.

"The place seems a lot roomier without Lobrite’s goons around, don’t you think?" I responded, every bit as sarcastic as H.

We were back in the same large room where we'd faced off against Lobrite's mass produced Kamens and Magical Girls. The room seemed pretty much the same, though I did tend to keep staring at the spot where I'd first noticed a fuku last time. Considering the amount of firepower we'd tossed back and forth, the place seemed like it was in pretty good shape. There where plenty of scorch marks and bullet holes, but most of the larger pieces of equipment seemed little more than scratched.

I did a standard quick check for anything remotely dangerous, but besides the equipment we'd come here to use, I couldn't find anything out of the ordinary.

"Lobrite left behind a number of pieces of equipment that I need, it would be impossible to move them, so the ritual needed to be here."

"I wouldn’t have put it past Lobrite to have booby-trapped some of this stuff."

"I’ve checked thoroughly. Now Yoi, I'll need you to go up those stairs there and hold the green candle, thus completing the pentagram necessary to cast the spell." Keikaku said, sounding like a teacher whose next bonus is dependent on his students' test results.

"And where will you be?"

"I'll need to be moving around. There are various pieces of equipment that I'll probably need to adjust at some point during the ceremony. Now remember, Reika could appear anywhere within the pentagram you form. It's likely that she'll appear within sight of one of you, so keep alert. Don't worry. As long as even one of you survives, the petition should still work."

"Umm, Keikaku why did you call it a petition. A petition to who?"

"Trust me Yoi, I know what I'm doing."

Take my advice. When you hear those words, run."

I of course ignored my own advice, this being one of those times when my conscience ambushes my sense of survival in a dark alleyway and bashes it over the back of the head with a blackjack.

"We know what to do, you've gone over this too many times." Sailor H interjected sounding rather exasperated.

"Alright then, people. We know what we're doing, let's just assume our positions." I said and then headed up the stairs.

That was of course a complete and utter fabrication. I had no idea what I was doing, and I doubted they did either. More importantly, I was unclear as to why the hell I was doing this. I had said, repeatedly, that I didn't want to be involved in this stuff anymore. No more spells, hexes, curses, or cutting deals with beings that regard humanity as being just slightly lower than pond scum. Could it be because still had feelings for Reika? The only thing I was certain of was that I would have paid a lot for an opportunity to sit down with Koi and have a long detailed discussion of our feelings. And then kick his teeth in.

I may not have believed a word I'd said, but everybody else seemed to buy it. At least as much as they bought anything I said. Itami was his usual emotionless self, and Aika wasn't far behind. H seemed impatient. She was probably only here because Itami had asked her, and would have much rather been out acting according to her regular habits.

************

I checked my watch; it was almost the appointed time. In four minutes it would be 11:53 PM. Keikaku said that midnight is just an approximation, that the true center of the night is another matter entirely.

I suppose you're expecting me to say that I felt an unearthly presence, or a strange power ran through me as the spell was cast. Nope, it didn't happen. Or if it did I didn't notice it, for some reason I find scalding hot wax dripping on my hands to be a rather engrossing sensation.

However when the spell was finished, I somehow knew. I turned around and there she was, lying on the ground. She looked just liked she did when I last saw her, or rather how she looked when I last saw her before she turned into a demonic creature intent on my destruction.

My heart caught in my throat. I didn't know what to say, but apparently Koi had a pretty good idea and he wanted control now. I was kind of shell shocked so I almost let that side of my personality take over. But then she stood up and opened her eyes. Koi and I were on complete agreement as to what the proper phrase for the moment was.

"Oh shit."

Koi hightailed it back to the dark recesses of my mind, and I felt incipient kamenness slip away.

She began to glow with a distinctly unhealthy looking light. Unhealthy to me personally, that is. Her hair began to wave as if moving on its own accord. Her eyes went entirely black, no pupil, nothing. It made me feel kind of queasy to try to look into them.

"My fallen servant has become the implement of my vengeance! Ramsbottom shall pay for his treachery! But first, I will dispense with you bothersome insects."

That was when Itami clocked her on the back of the head with the hilt of his sword. She went out like a light, literally, the glow faded to the point where it was almost imperceptible. If I hadn't seen her at the brighter setting I probably wouldn't have noticed it. His sword on the other hand, pulsed with an angry blue light, as if it was unhappy about being used with non-lethal force.

While I once felt stupid whenever it was necessary to talk to an inanimate object, I'd been through some stranger stuff since then.

"Let me put it this way, you don't want to offend her. I don't mean Reika, I mean Shubby-chan herself. She has a tendency to carry a grudge for a long time."

It may be as psychopathic as any member of our group, but at least that sword is willing to listen to a reasonable argument, unlike some people I could name.

"Pretty Deadly, you tie up Reika, Itami and I will see about finding Keikaku. Maybe he can do an exorcism."

"Call me Aika."

"Okay, sorry. Aika."

Aika paused for a moment.

"Got rope?"

I had to check I was talking to Aika and not Itami.

"See if you can find Sailor H. She always carries some rope in case she has need of it."

Aika blushed, but she grabbed Reika and started dragging her off.

"So where do you think Keikaku got off to, anyway?"

In his typical oh so eloquent fashion, Itami simply handed me his walkie-talkie.

"Oh right. Come in Keikaku, come in Keikaku."

"Keikaku here."

"You mind coming down here and telling me what the hell happened?"

"So is it safe to come back now?"

I was getting the feeling that Keikaku didn't place my personal safety on quite the lofty pedestal that I did.

"Reika’s back, but she’s not free of Shub-Niggurath's influence. She looked about ready to start projectile vomiting pea soup. Do you think you can perform an exorcism?"

"I don't know. I'll have to see for myself. Where are you?"

I glanced towards the hallway Aika had gone down.

"We are one the third floor in sight of the men's washroom."

"Understood, I'll be there in a few minutes."

Shortly Keikaku showed up. It only took a couple moments to fill him in on the details situation.

"So where is Reika now?"

"Well I told Pretty Deadly to tie her up."

As if summoned by her title, Aika chose this moment to show up, blushing furiously.

"What is it?"

"H."

"So?"

Okay, I was little bit slow that day. Usually it doesn't take me nearly that long for a hentai image to come to mind after a sentence like that, but I've had more than a decade to learn to interpret Itami's laconic tendencies, and Aika's spontaneously developing them left me a little confused.

I of course replied with my usual calm mastery of the situation.

"Oh."

I think that's an excellent example of my usual nigh-instantaneous incredibly witty response.

"So Keikaku, do you want to check first, or shall I?"

Keikaku responded by blushing almost as red as Aika.

"I guess it's my job then. Which way did she go?"

Aika pointed silently at the door to the men's washroom. Somewhat nervous, but also full of anticipation I pushed open the door to the washroom.

Reika’s arms were above her head; a quick glance showed that they were tied to a sprinkler head in such a way as to best accentuate her breasts. Her blouse was open, but at my current angle her breasts weren't actually visible. One of her legs dangled on the ground and the other was tied to the post of the stall. At first it appeared that Reika was wearing a pair of fluffy white panties that Sailor H was adjusting. A second later I realized that what I had at first thought to be fluffy white panties, was in fact shaving cream, and Sailor H was using a disposable razor.

Aika blushed an even more furious shade of red, Keikaku had either gone numb, or he was going into shock, Itami was indifferent as normal.

"I thought you had to get tied up for your powers to be enhanced."

H glanced up as I spoke, and I noticed that she had Reika's bra hanging over her left shoulder.

She shook her head before replying.

"My H power can be enhanced by tying up other people as well. Though that doesn't work nearly as well unless I'm tying up the person I'm going to be using my powers on. And to successfully exorcise a being like Shub-Niggurath, we're going to need that extra power."

"You can do exorcisms with your H power?"

"I can be very flexible in the uses to which I put my power."

I never did work up the nerve to ask H where she got the shaving cream. Or the razor for that matter.

************

Keikaku pulled himself together and came up with a plan for cleaning up his mess. His first idea was that we leave Reika hanging there and high tail it out of there. I nixed that plan, however, as pretty much every enemy I'd ever left behind had come back to haunt me later.

Surprisingly, I actually understood about two out of every three words in his explanation this time. Maybe I was starting to learn something. My old English teacher, Mr. Ichinose, would be so proud.

I noticed that Keikaku had started faltering in his explanation and was getting the shakes again. I gave him a little elbow to the ribs to get him to finish up.

"Now keep in mind people, as soon as we start casting the spell the mystical energy we draw upon is going to wake up Shub-Niggurath immediately. She feeds on the stuff and is very sensitive to its flow, especially in the quantities we're going to need to use."

Great. So we were going to build a wall of cake to contain a starving man. I'm so glad we had the advantage of Keikaku's expertise to deal with these matters.

"But the spell will restrain her, right?" I asked him, fully expecting the negative response. The triumph of experience over hope is not a pretty thing, but it's kept me alive more than a few times.

"Well actually... No. The spell won't restrain her until I complete the first phase."

"So what are you going to do in the mean time? Politely ask her to wait while you finish the spell?"

"That's where you come in Yoi. I need you and Itami to keep her distracted while I finish the exorcism."

I was so overjoyed to have been promoted to 'fish-in-barrel'; now, if I tried my best; I might work my way up to 'sitting-duck'.

Itami on the other hand merely gave a grunt of acknowledgement.

Keikaku began reading from a strange tome. It appeared to have been making a serious effort at being eldritch, but it was all for naught because it was bound with what appeared to be the pelt of some strange creature with cotton candy pink fur. Then I remembered where I'd seen this book before. It was the Necronomicute, which I'd last seen back when Ultra was using it to create Magical Girls. When had Keikaku gotten an opportunity to pick up that little souvenir? Especially since he was only working with us as an occasional consultant at that point.

Nothing visible had happened but I judged that the spell had begun by the way that Shub-Niggurath suddenly stood up. Complete with pupilless eyes, ominous aura, and hair that looked like someone had made their calamari more than a little bit rare.

I snapped off a shot at her reflexively. She made a slight gesture and I was thrown back into the wall by some kind of psychokinetic blast.

In something of a role reversal I groaned while Itami took over the fight. He made a sort of diving roll, and fired off a burst at her as he rolled. The bullets seemed to phase her just as little as my single shot had, but he was doing better than I was. Judging by the trail of holes that appeared in the floor following him he had successfully dodged a flurry of psychokinetic blasts of the kind that I had been caught with.

"Foolish mortals! You thought that you could banish me like some little house spirit, now I shall use the very gateway you thought to exile me through to fully manifest myself on this plane. None will be able to stand against me!"

"Show my brethren who's a two-bit, second rate day care provider." I think this last was supposed to be under her breath. Since Reika/Shubby's voice was booming throughout the entire hall, it was kind of hard to tell.

"It's no good, she's just too powerful! We don't have enough energy!" Keikaku seemed like he was almost about to have an apoplectic fit.

I didn't blame him, the way things were going now, that seemed like a positively relaxing course of action.

"Damn! I wish I'd brought some clothespins." H said, making what was probably the least germane comment that I've ever heard with the fate of the world hanging in the balance.

"Why?" I asked, my sheer wonderment making me forget my pain for a moment as I got up from where Shubby's blast had thrown me.

"Properly placed, they give me a rather significant power boost."

"Yoi! Use your knife!" Keikaku shouted, interrupting a rather pleasant mental image.

I started fumbling in my trench coat; I knew I left it around here somewhere.

"The Balancers' knife, throw it! It was designed to banish spirits from this plane!"

I finally found the knife; it was in a lower pocket beside a lone petunia. Apparently my kamen side was attempting to manifest itself.

I threw the knife, it was a good clear, overhand throw, the kind my Phys. Ed. teacher despaired of my ability to ever master. The knife caught Reika directly in the chest, bright pink foam spilling out around the wound for a moment. To this day I can't watch a bubble bath commercial without shuddering. The area around her shimmered for a moment, and then she just popped out of existence, like the last drops at the bottom of a milk shake sucked up through some kind of fourth dimensional straw, complete with the accompanying rude slurping noise.

H seemed slightly relieved to have been successful. Itami was as usual displaying little emotional response. Aika's Itami-impression was coming along nicely, but she too seemed slightly relieved.

Keikaku seemed to take it hardest. He just stood their shuddering, whether in anger or in fear, staring at the spot where Reika had vanished from.

I tried to put a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged it off with a jerk. He straightened up, picked up a couple pieces of mystic paraphernalia, and then walked out, without saying another word or even making eye contact with any of us.

I didn't get the impression he wanted to see me again.

************

I was not in a good mood.

I'd pointed Aika in the direction of her home and told her to go smooth things back over with her parents. She didn't want to go, but I didn't much feel like dealing with her any further right then. Sailor H had done her standard disappearing act. Girls to kill, hormones to raise elsewhere, I guess. It was just Itami and me back at the office.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not as if I usually enjoy life, but normally I have a sort of base line of unpleasant which I don’t stray too far below.

Lately, however, my schedule had been so concentrated that I was missing the recovery time, the psychological recuperation that is a necessary part of this kind of work.

I had found that one of the best ways of doing this was having a sustained absence of a conversation with Itami. I would talk to him and he would sit there and listen. Unfortunately this time he had something to say.

"Why do good things never happen to me, Itami? Why? My 'good buddy' Keikaku convinces me to help bring his and mine's ex-girlfriend back from the dead, which nearly gets us all killed. The only net result is that I've pissed off Shub-Niggurath even more and feel even worse than I did to start with. Our mutual apprentice Aika has gone from being totally mental to doing her best impersonation of you. As if the kid hasn't made enough mistakes already."

That last line is what started it, I think. One of the reasons that Itami and I were friends was that I didn't try to change him. I rarely did anything to 'cheer him up', I never insisted he 'put on a positive attitude', and I made no effort to 'break him out of his shell'. When I criticized Aika for trying to act like him, I think it ticked him off a little.

"Good things don't happen. Just spaces between bad things." He didn't even bother to look at me as he said it.

Usually Itami doesn't get so philosophical, but like I said, I think I'd managed to upset him. Now he'd managed to upset me right back. I wanted a silent sounding board for my problems, not a confirmation that life sucked. "You know Itami, sometimes your attitude can be a real pain."

It might have ended right there and the next day we would have both forgotten about it, but I had to open my big mouth again. "You're one to talk about bad things, anyway. It seems to me that you're getting the best out of this partnership. You've got a hot girlfriend with a doctorate in sex, and the money's rolling in from our jobs. Me, I'm stuck as a woman, and even if I weren't, every girl who shows some interest in me either dies or goes half-crazy. Or both. I get to spend all my time keeping us organized, getting the clients in, and buying supplies. All you ever do is show up for jobs. We decide to pull this ritual for Keikaku, and I get slapped around while you don't even get a scratch."

It wasn't fair and wasn't true. I knew it even as I was saying it. Maybe I made more noise, but Itami was as much a part of the business as I ever was. He just didn't waste words talking about it. As for bringing in clients, I'm not sure I would have got hired even once without Itami. People looked at him and saw dark, brooding killer. They looked at me and saw punk kid. And that was _before_ I got turned into a woman.

The fact was, my frustration with recent events had been building up, and once I started unloading it on someone, I just couldn't stop.

Itami raised an eyebrow at me and bit his lip. Hoo-boy, two facial movements in a row. He was pissed alright. When he spoke, I found out that the worst of it was something I hadn't even intended. "We decided?"

I think I actually blushed, the image of me covering up the phone's receiver while I 'consulted with my partner' coming back in a rush. Itami was more than happy to let me arrange jobs and set schedules. Passivity defined. In this case though, the job was to engage in a highly dangerous ritual to bring back from the dead someone Itami didn't like in the first place. Keikaku wasn't even paying us for the effort.

I had basically just told Itami we were going on a freebie job without even pretending to get his opinion. Without waiting for so much as an affirmative grunt. Even so, he probably would have let the whole incident slide without saying anything, if I hadn't started shooting my mouth off.

I backed off some and tried to make excuses. "Look I- I've just been a little preoccupied lately, you know? What with Aika going crazy and then Ramsbottom taking Kumiko, and then the chance to get Reika back.... Well, I've been acting a little crazy lately."

Itami made a slight movement of the head that could have been a nod.

"Ah," he said. "Female problems."

Now looking back, I'm almost sure Itami was referring to my troubles with the various women in my life. At the time, though, I was sure he was making fun of certain painful realities of the female anatomy. Realities I didn't even like to _think_ about, much less hear someone mention. The result was I stopped feeling guilty and blew up.

"Thanks a lot, 'partner'. I thought that at least I could count on you for a little support. I know you've got to be Mr. Macho brooding guy all the time, but I thought just the once I could expect a little support for my troubles. Just frikking once. Obviously 'female problems' messing up my mind. I don't know why I even bother with you at all. I don't even know why I brought you into the business in the first place. I don't _need_ a partner. Maybe I'd be better off without one."

Nonsense, yeah. Itami had saved my sorry life more times than I could count, even at that point. I'd come to depend on my partner being able to take anything without blinking, and I guess I thought I could just say whatever I wanted to him. I didn't think he'd respond like he did.

Itami narrowed his eyes, just a hair. "Maybe you would."

"Well maybe I would!" I shouted, failing to come up with a better come back. "Maybe I'll just leave right now."

Without pausing to think, I stormed to the doors of the office. Even before I got there, I was regretting my stupid outburst, but my pride wouldn't let me stop. I opened the door, stepped through, and slammed it behind me hard enough to shake the wall.

I paused to look back, just for a second, and saw that I'd managed to crack the frosted glass of the door. Our legend, 'Magical Girl Hunters', now had a split running right down the center. Symbolic as hell.

I continued through the entry hallway to the outside door. Behind me, I thought maybe I heard someone call out "Yoi!", but maybe that was just my imagination. The skies opened up and drizzled on me as I began the long march back to my apartment.

************

Back at my apartment, I sat for a couple of hours staring at the TV without watching the programs. I know I wasn't paying attention because I had watched an animated show about halfway through before I realized it was about magical girls. I was scrambling for the remote when the phone rang.

I picked up the phone intending to derive the small sadistic satisfaction that comes from hanging up on someone.

"Mr. Kurasaka?"

Unfortunately I recognized the voice on the other end.

"Matsura?"

"I don't suppose you realize quite how much trouble you've caused."

"Happy to be of service."

"How droll. By using the knife imbued with his power you put Yog Sothoth into a situation where he was in direct conflict with another Outer God. The repercussions of this will last for millennia."

"Mere words fail to express the regret I feel." Apparently I was running on limitless supplies of sarcasm.

"Needless to say, he has withdrawn his support from the Balancers. Without his power base, the organization has collapsed. I do not intend to go back to being a dental hygienist. I am still in the business, as it were, and if we cross paths again, I will not be nearly so patient with you."

"I'll have to remember to be extra polite when we next meet."

"Don't be over-confident, Mr. Kurasaka, you can still be harmed at this point in your timeline."

I hung up the phone and went to bed, hoping for a brighter tomorrow. I would be disappointed.

************

Thanks are given to John Evans and Edward 'Wandering Tso' Dilag for pre-reading and the contribution of ideas.