Agh! My first REAL episode...I think I'm gonna faint! Well no, if I did this wouldn't get out 
would it^^.  Anyway, read and Please PLEASE Enjoy!!
------------------------
Wandering Tso
presents 
MGH- 26

"One Bad Day"

or

"Down the drain and into the gutter...Maybe the sewer as well"

Part Two of the Phoenix: Ashes to Dust Story Arc. 

Magical Girl Hunters was originally created by Aaron Shattuck. 

Warning! I will now apologize profusely if this episode cause you any minor aches or pains.  But
 that does not mean I will take full responsibility for toilet repair^^.  
------------------------
Written with assistance from Matt Cambell and Phil Barkow 
------------------------

I dragged myself out of bed late the next afternoon (I had no idea why I stayed up late to 
finish that magical girl show), put on some clothes I picked off the floor, and sat back to 
think, ponder life, and consider my options...Such activities were basically mandatory after 
emotionally draining ordeals like the day before.  

First, I took a slight pleasure in waking up later than usual; left less meals to worry about 
and it made my day a bit shorter.  Then I began to ponder the events of yesterday, and immediately 
cast those thoughts into some dark storage facility of my mind.  That would be stuff I would 
worry about after I'd had my breakfast/lunch.  Finally, I considered all the options I had on 
this semi-free day.   

Then I realized all my options all narrowed down to one idea- Stay in bed. But not even my comfy
mattress could sate my schizophrenic mind, so that left option number two: Get out of bed and 
keep moving so fate doesn't get a chance to hit me. Unfortunately, fate picked that day to get 
a new laser sight, and I was its favorite clay pigeon. 

I usually try to be upbeat about things, despite my slightly cynical nature.  That day, however,
my mantra was closer to 'life sucks'.  Even if the midday sun was shining, and I had  a shorter 
day and less work to worry about, I still had the ability to say that my day would officially 
go down the drain and into the gutter...Well, maybe the sewer as well.  

But didn't a famous Confucian say live with it? So I did like Mary Poppins and put a smile on 
my face to tackle the day ahead.

*********************

Setting a pattern for the day, my actions reversed themselves before I could get out the door.  

I sat in my second-hand armchair and moped dramatically .  I was half-expecting someone to start
playing Bach right then and there, but that was about as likely as me getting laid...my ears 
perked at the sound of his 5th symphony being played in the background.  I shook my head and 
the music vanished, but an alarm was ringing in the back of my head somewhere. Music out of 
nowhere. It meant.... I might have started to piece it together,  but without my morning 
coffee, my thoughts became a jumbled mess which I had zero chance at salvaging. 

I reviewed my mental list of ires and added 'morning senility  w/something about Bach'. Now I 
just had to find things to blame my new problem on.   
 
I slouched in my chair and balanced my head on my fingertips... I thought about Itami, Aika, 
Keikaku, Reika, Kumiko, Yoshiko, and Ramsbottom...Joyful images, to raise my spirits from the 
pits of hell... Then I snapped out of it and wondered if my depression was worse than I had 
feared. I'd just thought of Itami as a 'joyful image'. 
 
Gradually, a thought percolated its way up from the depths of my shell-shocked mind.  I'd heard 
about a new bar opening recently.  Yeah, a kisaten! I mean bar! Just the place for a hitman in 
a funk.  Maybe I could even pick up a woman.  Well I hashed that thought and then ran it through
the paper shredder, repeatedly.  Even after all the time that had passed, I still occasionally 
forgot that I was not like that.  Well not until I regained certain aspects of myself.  

I didn't think anyone was actively trying to kill/molest/proposition me at the time, so getting 
sloshed at that bar seemed like a pinnacle idea.  I gently climbed out of the permanent 
impression my bottom had left in my recently purchased chair, and palmed something that I would 
soon regret bringing with me. After I trudged across my room to the door,  I looked back at the 
impression my nether regions had left before leaving.  

"I knew I paid Keikaku too much for that chair."

*******

After several false starts of ordering martinis, and many strange looks later, I finally got 
that one saving grace of most bars.  Beer.

I was trying to drink my beverage in peace, when this guy with a red Fu Manchu mustache and 
thinning hair walked up to me and stuck out his hand. For a second, I thought that a triad 
member stuck in the American Disco age, was about to try and pick me up.  So, being the 
righteous person, er I meant, the bad ass that I am, I prepare to wreak horrible violence upon 
his person...er, I mean hurt him really bad.

Yeah, I know I'm starting to sound like a damn idiot in this part, but I wasn't. The fact that 
my thoughts were becoming increasingly contradictory was a large part of why I wasn't noticing 
that my thoughts were becoming increasingly contradictory. So they were basically contradicting 
my contradiction, and perfectly explaining the event that happened a little later.

Luckily for him, he said, "Hi!  I'm told you're Yoi Kurasaka.  I'm the new Finn, and I hear 
you're going to be one of my steady customers."

Already I could sense this man's life expectancy was not great.  As I looked up at that cheery 
face, down to that polite non-assuming stance, I could only think of one response.

Wonderful.  But saying that...well I may as well have answered him with 'fuck off'.  I at least 
wanted to give him a two sentence polite response, seeing as how he seemed the type to shatter 
at being wrong.  

"Yeah, I'm Yoi.  So you're the new Finn?" After he said 'yes' and following another minute of 
expectant silence I asked the following. "So are you the sixth or seventh? " I'm usually 
quicker, but the effects of the martini's and the beer sort of slowed me down.  How was I to 
know that he wouldn't know which Finn he was? But he seemed to roll with that punch quite 
smoothly.

He shrugged his lanky shoulders and smiled that smile that would comfort some, but only mildly 
irritated me, "I'm the one with the symbolically lucky number.  Need I say more?"

I really hate guys that answer questions with questions, and I was still confused.  But I didn't
feel like perusing the subject.  "Yeah I guess." Another thought comes to me.  "So how'd the 
last Finn kick it? Angry customer, or angry mob of customers?"

Somehow, he managed to make his smile even more irritating, "Well...That would be giving too 
much info? Right, Yoi-san?"

Great another 'man of mystery'.  Ah well at least he was sincere, for the moment. Too bad it 
wasn't another attractive woman, a female Finn would allow me to show a little style and....It 
took me a whole day, and a small trip, to figure out where these thoughts were coming from? 

********

Later, I found myself following the Finn into some secret room of his bar.  Yes his bar, a bar 
that was a cover for a major arms dealer.  Neat, handy, and inconspicuous to the justice system 
of Japan.  The passageway was conveniently located behind a secret panel inside the woman's 
stall. Well, it was convenient for me, Aika and H.  Itami was a completely different case.  
Thoughts of my now perhaps ex-partner caused me to almost miss the Finn's gesture to follow 
him into his abode. 

The only thing I could say about it, is that it looked much like Lobrite's lab, right down to 
the multi-appendaged machines and teleporters.  And then there was that little box with a lot 
of English and gibberish on it.  I think it said Improbability Drive, but my English is pretty 
bad.  I attempted to ask him about this stuff, but he beat me to it.

"You must think some of this stuff's pretty weird?"  He looked at me to confirm this.  Was my 
face that easily read? "Well ya see, my specialties stretch much farther than the limited 
inventory of my predecessor'."  He picked up a small object from a pedestal and presented it to 
me, "You see this? This is the Pa'Kua of Angry Buddha." He flipped it in his hand and it floated
for a few minutes before it settled itself back down onto its pedestal, "Exotic weapon and very 
dangerous."

I gave him a numb nod.  Of course what do you expect after a presentation like that? Well I was 
tempted to clap but I restrained myself. Already I could tell that this guy could be of greater 
help to me than the old Finn.  Either that, or a big threat, which I absolutely DID NOT need at 
the moment.

"Times are getting tougher, and everybody seems to want a special edge. I have to respond to 
customer demand, you know?" 

Ah made sense, but I still felt wary about the guy. I didn't know why, but I got the same 
feeling from Yoshiko and Ramsbottom, as from this guy. No, definitely no, no more mystic mumbo 
jumbo and what not.  Especially after what happened yesterday, I did not need to lose another 
lov-er-associate. 

He gave me a car salesman type smile and winked, "So, browse and tell me if you see anything 
you like?"

I gave another nod, and was very prepared to spend whatever hard earned money I had. Now if it 
weren't for the fact that he had grabbed onto my arm, I would've actually started.   

I glared at that hand and then him.  

He just grinned at me, and reached into my jacket.       

My reaction was of course expected.

-------------------------------

I grumbled as I skimmed through his aisles and aisles of arms, protection wards, and mysterious 
tomes that looked like inventory originating from some of my more exotic clients.

I would have gladly added my Chaos Gun to his merchandise, after all that was why he stuck his 
hand into my jacket. Unfortunately, the misunderstanding had led to a small altercation. He 
seemed disinclined to do any further business with me until he had a chance to put some ice on 
that black eye.  

I did try to hand the thing off to him though, but it would turn into a petunia every time it 
came with inches of him.  And I would also get the irritating urge to spout heroic dialogue.  
Damn Kamen, first it messed with my head and now I couldn't make a simple transaction because 
of it.  

In truth, I was surprised I had the thing.  At first, I thought I grabbed my favorite  .45, But
instead I grabbed Nigel's supposed weapon of my fate.  Probably more mystical rubbish, but for 
some reason...it just seemed right to have it.    

My thoughts on the gun drifted as I had the unfortunate luck of noting the mobile banana plant 
in the background.  I later cursed my curiosity for my later actions.

As I approached the supposed plant, I realized that what I was looking at was not a banana plant, 
but rather head of hair.  A long shaft of aquamarine hair that would probably make fictional 
characters like Guile of SF and that American anime Marge Simpson, jealous.  

And like those two characters, it was this guy's trademark.  His name is, I thought, was Ootaki,
and rumor had it that he was in a similar line of work to myself, though not quite the same 
targets.  At least I didn't have to contend with chi blasts, and my targets generally didn't 
have much formal martial arts training.  I'd also heard some disturbing rumors that he might be 
moving in on my territory. It wasn't anything concrete; heck, I hadn't even met the guy before 
that day. It was enough to make me dislike him on sight, though. Even if business had been good 
lately, my job was  still far too much a niche market for me to appreciate competition. 

The word on the street, was that when you see a guy with a large shaft of green hair, be 
cautious, and if his speech was nigh-indistinguishable from baby talk, beware. But I was making 
a lot of these assumptions on hair. 

"Hey." 

He turned around and ran a hand through that hair... or at least it looked like he was trying 
to. "Hey li'l dog...girl." He paused and adjusted those dark lennon style glasses that posers 
who think they're hitmen are wont to wear. "Wussup?" 

Damn. "Well uh...Are you Ootaki?" Gee my eloquence decided to really shine today! Hope I don't 
sound, or god forbid look, like a nervous school girl... 

The fact that I was thinking sarcastic thoughts at myself was another sad reflection on my 
mental state. 

He gave me a loose nod that made his neck look like it was unhinged from his body. You know the 
type that looks like it could give you whiplash by just doing it. That bothered me as much as 
seeing that Lord of the Dance guy giving a free concert...men should not be that flexible! But 
what bothered me even more was that he was looking at me like I was an interesting new dish on 
a Chinese buffet. I really hated it when guys did that. Kinda embarrassing I used to do the 
same, "Yeah, I be. And Who you be, that you be knowin' ma' most wicked self? 

Arrogant.  He mustn't have gotten a lot of love.  Maybe I should help, or maybe not.   

Also, I'm not much of a grammar guy, but listening to this idiot mar good dialogue was really 
grating on my nerves. It gave me the sudden urge to introduce him to Itami. Hopefully Itami 
would be equally annoyed, and we could work together to introduce Ootaki to some blunt 
instruments. Or perhaps we should all try to be friends. 

I didn't have the least idea where that last thought had come from. 

But something was telling me it wasn't such a bad idea, "I'm Y..I mean Koi of the MGH." I 
didn't know why I'd chosen that moment to use my Koi alias. I rationalized it to myself that 
it would be bad policy to give a guy like Ootaki my real name. That wasn't why I'd done it, of 
course, but I wouldn't figure that out until later. 

He looked me up and down, with that same disinterested but lewd look in his eye. If he were a 
bit rougher looking I would expect him to spit. "Sorry la bonita chica don't neva heard'a you." 

That hurt, and on a second inconsequential note, it also embarrassed me...a bit.  I'd thought 
we were fairly known, in certain circles, but if a guy who spoke like this didn't know us, then 
I knew we were in trouble. "Hey hair-guy. Magical Girl Hunters. Ridding the world of all that 
is cute and fluffy?" 

An imperious grin.  I'm not sure what it was, but big smiles really irritated me right now...although 
I suddenly thought that I should smile more myself.  "A Punk girl like you? An assassin? Eitha 
ma sista hea be delusional, or just plain dumb."  

I could feel my eyes narrow, "Do yourself a favor and don't upset me, plant head. You don't 
want to see me upset."  I followed with a dismissive wave of my hand. I knew it was just a 
rumor, but I had to clarify this.  And man did I want to do it forcefully. "So get off the 
magical girl territory.   My partner and I got that area fully covered."

He responded with his own narrowed eye look, "Fuck. Off."

I don't know how long we stood there glaring at eachother.  All I knew is that if there had 
been an artificial sunset, we would've had the classic settings for a good'ol showdown.  Instead 
of gratuitous posing and posturing, Ootaki lowered his black lenses, proving the rumor that his 
eyes were indeed blue.

"Nobody be tellin' what the Ootaki cans and can't do.  If I the Ootaki be gettin the need to be 
bustin' some magical girl ass, then Ootaki go do that bustin on some magical girl ass. And no 
stuck up butch bitch be tellin me nada.  Dost thou gets it, mi compadre?"

After hearing THAT, I immediately began considering two equally attractive options for this 
man: Hurt him or hurt him _real_ bad. 

 ***** 

"Hello! So are you two getting along! ^_^"

We both turned simultaneously from our glares, and placed them on Finn.  It was quite understandable 
why he looked ready to run at the moments notice, seeing as how I gave him the black eye he was 
now sporting.  I immediately took a non-threatening stance.

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna hit you."  I took a quick glance at Mr. tough guy next to me, to 
show him exactly where my anger was directed.  

I _heard_ Finn breath a sigh of relief. I guess first impression were everything, and I was 
thinking I could use this for a good discount.  

"What you two be talkin about?" My mind must've been elsewhere at the moment, because I told 
him exactly what happened.  

The snicker beside me brought my attention back, "Well s'not weird.  I'd also like to be 
grabbin those butch bitch tits o'yo's"

I turned gave him my best menacing glare. Trust me, when a woman uses it on a man, its quite 
effective. I speak from personal experience on both sides. "Just you try."

Ootaki must not have been a true man, because he made a suggestion that I'd rather not mention, 
and I attempted to knock his block off.  He dodged ever so gracefully, and ended up tripping 
into a shelf.  

I would've laughed at his predicament, but Finn was saying something about a 'Y-project' and 
'don't break that canister.'  I watched as Ootaki fumbled with said canister (I could tell 
because of the big Y on it) and morbidly enjoyed the fact that he dropped it.  

Why? Well because it wasn't my fault this time.  However, as that pale blue oil slick slid out 
of the canister, I had to curse fate once again. I guess I had spent too much time there that 
day, because I decided not to hightail it out immediately.  

I glanced at Ootaki as he flipped through a small leather-bound pocket book.  I had no idea 
what he was planning, but I did know flipping through a book does not help in a fight.  I 
turned to look at the now blue skinned, faceless, three eyed creature and grinned viciously. 

We'd see who the better assassin was.   

I took a step toward the creature, and it took a step back.  This gave me pause.  Normally, I 
expect most youma to attack relentlessly without thought. This one seemed to be considering 
options, and it was wearing a nice pair of cargo pants too, not usually a youma norm.  

Maybe it was my usually latent conscience, maybe it was that 'kicked puppy look, or maybe it 
was Koi...   But something was telling me not to shoot this blue toned, three eyed, humanoid.  
Of course certain other parties had no such qualms.

"DieDieDieDieDie!! Shizokaze!!" [ Shizo-Kaze: Roghly- Schizophrenic Wind, sue me my Japanese is 
bad.]

I watched wide eyed, as Ootaki came rushing into the fray, fist flying, in a very unprofessional 
manner.  I scoffed and congratulated myself on at least having some style.  However, when I 
started watching a bit more closely, I noted that Ootaki was scratching the thing pretty badly. 
And with my 20/20 vision I was also was able to pick out the claw he was using to literally cut 
up the creature.  With a final cry, the green shafted menace struck true with his bladed weapon 
and literally skewered the unoffending beast.  

I expected blood, really.  But rather than bleeding, the thing coalesced around Ootaki's arm and 
socked him a good one.  As he seemed to stumble from the weight of his hair into another shelf, 
the beast turned to look at me expectantly.  Well I had two choices, make peace or shoot like 
crazy.  I, of course, chose the latter.  I borrowed a handy AK-47 I found lying next to the 
mess on the floor and aimed it at him.

My finger was on the trigger, I had the thing in my sights, I saw Ootaki getting his second 
wind.

Suddenly a pleasant buzz literally took over my body.  I didn't need to look in the mirror to 
know what happened.  All I needed to do was look at the rifle I procured, which was presently a 
four foot Petunia. "Cease your actions man! Cannot you see this poor creature is afraid of us, 
just as much as we are afraid of him! All creatures, no matter what species or make of God, should 
not be persecuted as such!  We should love instead! In the words of the ever lovely Princess 
love: Hate is Very Very Bad, we should love instead. So my brothers! Let us love one another 
one another like the sun loves us all with its lovely caress of its warm rays."

Somewhere during the speech I somehow got down on me knees, because when I came to I had to 
look up to see 3 pairs/triplets of eyes staring at me.  I found the silence to be quite 
embarrassing, but I found Ootaki's laughter to be even more so.  

"What'n gods f'n ass suckin momma fuckin name was that!"

I gave my best nervous grin, which was really supposed to be a scowl.  "Uhm...long story?" 
My voice seemed to have deepened too, much deeper than what I remembered my usual male voice to 
be.

Mr. Hair sauntered up to me and bent over to get in my face.  "So miss, or should I say 
mista, ya wont happenin to be goin two ways would ya? 'cause You'd be bein da most buggin mate 
fo a client a mine."

I really wished Koi were conscious at the moment, since he probably would have handled the 
situation a lot more gracefully.  Ah well, at least beating him unconscious shut him up for the 
time being.

My usual motto is to kick a man when he's down, and I was prepared to do some kicking right 
there.  I would've, but somebody pushed me into one of the steel shelves of the room.  Trust me, 
that hurts as hell.  I turned to glare at Finn, the obvious attacker, and asked him in the 
nicest possible voice, "What the hell'd you do that for?!"

My question was answered, by the sudden portal that sucked up half of the Finn's shop. Damn 
that it didn't take the wannabe black activist too.  I gave Finn my best scared as hell 
questioning glance.  "It seems that your fight with the Y-project has broken a few portal 
capsules.  But I wouldn't worry because I think I got all of them.  Well except for that one." 
He gives me his best reassuring smile, but I felt far from it.  

Suddenly the ground opened up beneath me, and I was soon overtaken by the sensation of 
freefalling.  The last thing I hear before unconsciousness took me yet AGAIN was "Oh and that 
one too... Oops!"

-----------------------------------------

What is the sound of one hand clapping.  Well, I really had no idea how to answer that, but I 
knew how to answer a question with two hands clapping.  The answer? Stop clapping so I could 
finish sleeping!  I only wished that my 'waking up from comfortable sleep' speech was more 
coherent.  Instead of sounding so witty what ended coming out was, "Mrphl..Grmp..sleep...G'way."

"Wake up."

Well that was a voice I wasn't expecting to hear again.  I cracked an eye open and saw the 
sullen unshaven face of a man who looked like he hadn't had a months worth of sleep.  "Oh hey 
Itami.  What the hell are you doing here?"

His face crinkled ever so subtly in that Itami'ish manner that most women would consider cute.  
I guess my experience as a woman made me sensitive to these things.  It is then, that I realized, 
that the hand that rested on my chest was actually flat against my body.  I rubbed around the 
area a bit, and a I could feel the smile slowly creep on my face.  

"I'm a guy!!"

Itami's confused look becomes even more confused, "Huh? Aren't you?"

I grinned madly and gave him a good ol friend on friend hug.  I don't know why but being a guy 
again made me feel different. Almost...Content? "I'm a man! I'm a man!" I pulled back and held 
his face between my hands, "How do you feel about me setting up the meetings?"  

Itami just shrugged, "It's Fine." In Itami that meant, 'Have I ever had a problem with that?'  
I patted his cheek before leaning back in my chair.  Maybe if I didn't have my head stuck in a 
cloud, I would've come up with a more plausible reason than 'Itami found the new Finn's and 
brought me home. Everything is settled, Kami is in heaven where he should be, and all is right 
with the world.'  

As I whistled a far too merry tune, I heard the door to our office knock.  

"Come in!"

The door slowly opened to reveal a familiar brown haired girl.  My grin widened if that was 
possible, but it soon fell because of her following question, "Are you the Magical Girl Hunters?"

Well that was unexpected, "Huh? Uh yeah, but--?"  

Suddenly she was across the room and in front of my desk, "Well, I have a job for you."

Figuring that this was some weird game, I decided to play along.  I folded my hands on my desk 
and gave her my best "Yoi in business' look, "Ahem..Well young lady, Who do you want us to boff? 
Princess Love? Kumiko?"

She threw me a confused glance and shook her head, "Uh...No not them." She took a deep breath 
and stood firm, "I want you to kill me."

Normally I'm not one to facefault, but THAT was definitely a facefault type statement.  As I 
picked myself off the floor, I noticed that my surroundings had changed.  Instead of being in 
my office with my familiar dartboard, I was in a dark room with a mirror under a spotlight.  I 
would've ignored the mirror, but Aika seemed to be staring back at me from behind it.

"What the--"

She had her hands clasped in that sweet angel position and looked at me pleadingly, "How do you 
feel about me Yoi-san?"  

Yoi-san? She hadn't called me that in a while.  Plus the question she asked seemed like something 
Kumiko would say, and that really threw me off.  So I came up with the obvious conclusion.  The 
Mirror, The room, This Image of Aika.  I was being played by some mysterious trickster, and I 
had a lot of fingers to point.  I ran a hand through my short cropped hair and decided to play 
along, hoping for some slip up.  

"I like Aika." I noticed that Aika-image seemed to look more hopeful.  Nope, I did not want to 
encourage my mystery interrogator into doing anything vile to her, so I decided to soften it up 
a bit.  "But not in that way.  You see I like Aika, but that does not mean I love her." I decided 
to play my trump, "After all, how can I love another after losing my Dear Reika to Shub-Niggurath?" 
Sure I was hamming it up a little, but I was a hit man, not an actor.  It was as convincing as I 
could make it. 

"Yoi?", a sweet sounding voice asked sweetly behind me.     

I turned around and was greeted by the sorrowful looking face of one Kumiko AKA Captain Kawaii.  
My reaction to seeing my recently deceased teammate, was of course predictable.   

"Kawaii?! I thought you were dead?!" Did that sound to over enthusiastic? Let me try again, 
"Uhm...I mean Kawaii, pleasant surprise.  Has Ramsbottom sent you to finish what Yoshiko 
started?" Unfortunately, I didn't get that out as it seemed that my voice froze up on me.

She threw me a confused glance and blinked in that sugary cute fashion that I would've called 
Kawaii if she wasn't so Psycho.  "What do you mean?"

I looked back toward the mirror, expecting to see an infuriated Aika, but instead found a 
cabinet usually found in medical offices.  I then realized that we were in the same exact room 
that Kawaii and I shared our first...Uh oh. 

I turned back to see Kumiko steadily approaching me.  I knew what was coming up, and I had the 
ability to stop it.  I raised my arm but it jammed.  It was immediately apparent that I couldn't 
make any verbal protests, and my body seemed to have frozen up along with my voice.  So much for 
the ability to stop it.  Maybe it was nervous anticipation..

"Yoi, I'll admit that when I first met you, I hated you.  But Matsura-san showed me my wrongs 
and showed me all your good points.  " Soon she was right in my face and breathing heavily, 
"Yoi, I love you."

But did I want to?  

My body answered my question by letting her kiss me. Well I would've let her kiss me anyway, call 
it a final good-bye but that was just my dumb excuse.  I probably would've enjoyed it to, but 
some damned glass plate seemed to gave gotten in the way.  Oh wait it was that mirror again. 

I pulled back, reluctantly of course, and found Kawaii inside that same mirror, standing  in the 
exact same position as Aika, with a similar look on her face.  Whoever was doing this 
must've pasted Kumiko's face on Aika's body, and changed the fuku colors and measurements.  
Probably it was to save mystic energy, money, or both. "Yoi how do you feel about me?"

OK, I'll be the first to admit that that's a very difficult question to answer.  First of all, I 
wasn't sure if I'd be seeing her again.  Then I realized this was Captain Kawaii the boomerang 
magical girl, just keeps coming back for more.  I used to hold no real feelings for her except 
fear and dislike, but her recent attitude adjustment has gotten me thinking differently.  
Sure, I would fear her if she was still here, but she gave me something that I could say no-one 
had ever given me.  Unconditional, non-judgmental love.  

"I will say that I do not necessarily love you." Ah, my vocal function had returned, although 
that quick response seemed to make her face fall. "I do however like you enough to give you 
SOME of my trust. But that's all I can give." I paused, "For now." Damn that might be giving 
this mind trickster too much leverage. Maybe I could take it back, popular belief was that 
people like this could transverse dimensions...

"Well Hurry up already!"

I immediately recognized that sultry voice, seeing as how I heard it in my dreams every night.  
But was still left wondering 'why, huh, I could, and can I have some'.  I turned around...and
my eyes (^^;) bugged out painfully. Sitting strapped to a chair, with her legs wide and inviting 
was Sailor H.  If my mind wasn't so numb with a pleasant shock I would've remembered another 
time when she was strapped to a chair like this.  

A loud roar brought me out of numbness, and brought about my realization.  

"Hurry Yoi, Pull down my panties!!"

Statements like that, no matter how many times you hear them, can still rev up the old libido 
and distract you momentarily.  Of course, this is only the second time she had ever said that 
to me, and being the hentai that I am, I happily complied.  

"Now Yoi..." Before she could finish, I pulled said article partway, and then moved up to 
expose her lovely melons only a bit.  Hey, things like this you remember.  I wanted to have a 
little taste with my squeeze because I had the extra time, and men rarely get second chances 
like this.  However the strength of that familiar, and somewhat sickening stench seemed really 
close right now.  I knew I lost my female form minutes before, but that didn't mean I wasn't 
intimidated by this multi-pahlic-appendaged beast.  Actually I was initimidated, and feeling 
slightly inadequate too.

I took my position, and watched from behind the crate as the tentacled demon came around.  It 
went and did its thing, and was immediately obliterated by a blinding light.  As the light died 
down, I found H in the mirror this time...In the same place and position as Aika and Kumiko, which 
really threw me for a loop.  Of course I shouldn't get my hopes up...

"Yoi, How do you feel about me."

Of course blind faith does wonders for many.  I imagined I had a very lecherous grin on my face, 
"Well, how do you think?"  I figured some mysterious somebody was having fun playing with my 
emotions like this, but going along with it usually make it less painful for the victim.  

I was expecting some kind of sweet confession, or at least something atypical. What I got was a 
scowl, "I like it better when you answer straight Yoi.  Answering questions with questions is 
not really like you."

Well that was expected under normal duress, but wasn't this guy, whoever he/she was supposed to 
be, playing his kings and aces? "What? No confessions of unrequited love, or at least lust?"

H replied by arching her back in that oh so provocative manner, and gave me a wink.  
"Oh come now, you have enough lust for the both of us, Ne?"

I grinned and decided now was a good time to play aggressive, "I've got enough for this 
lifetime and the next." Smooth.  Too smooth...

She gave me a knowing look.  Well I played right into that one, 3 for it none for me.

"Yoi?"

I was really starting to get peeved with all this turning around to answer behind me, but I did 
it anyway.  Actually, I didn't have to turn that far as I soon found myself standing next to a 
familiar chair with a familiar unshaven face sitting a little ways beside from me.  "Itami!" 

Itami gave me his usual stoic look, but if one studied his face close enough one would've noted 
the confusion in it.  "What?" 

Sounded like Itami, looked like Itami.  Maybe it was another trick, maybe it wasn't.  I took in 
my surroundings and immediately recognized the office.  Well, OK it was looking a lot cleaner 
than normal, but the Dart Board and desks were there, and that was normal enough.  I decided to 
use one of my 'reality tests', to see if everything complied with yesterday. "So...what did you 
think of that job yesterday?"

He responded with a slight shrug, "Messy.  Dead though."

Sounded like a good reply, but considering our profession, he could've been talking about any 
number of things.  It seemed like another card should be played, "So...Where's Aika?" 

"At home? Right?" Well it proved Itami knew Aika. 

Now it should be noted that Itami and I knew another Aika back in high school, but that didn't 
register with me at the time.    

Instead, I wallowed in the familiarity of the surroundings.  It seemed real enough, and no one 
seemed to be acting differently.  Well, Itami wasn't, I'd have to check on the others later.  

That's when the disorientation wave hit.

With the last three 'moves' I only felt a small unrecognizable discomfort.  The larger disorientation 
wave that followed 'Itami's scene', if it could be called that, left me gasping for breath.  I 
didn't need to look to know that I was in that same damn room.  Of course, it wasn't Aika, Kumiko, 
or H before me.  It was Itami, looking like...well Itami.  Reality makes up for any poetic metaphors 
to describe this guy.  

I stared at that sullen face and I wanted to say Fuck No. I wanted to revolt kicking and 
screaming, I wanted to close my eyes and ignore this now demented torture session.  But all 
that came out was, "I have no interest in Itami other than as associates."  

Well that wasn't expected.  And I didn't feel the normal buzz associated with Kamen'ness, which 
was quite unusual. The Itami-mirror seemed to ignore the question, but that was pretty normal 
for him.  "Why do you do it?".  It sounded like an Itami question, but it carried too much 
curiosity.  

"Why do you still hunt Magical Girls? You have your own entourage, so why do you do it?"

I pondered the question for all but about 2.3 nanoseconds. The answer was kinda obvious, 
"Because I'm good at it."

If Itami seemed perturbed, he didn't show it.  Actually the stiffness of this Itami reminded me 
of Reika and Yoshiko. "So you enjoy killing Magical girls?"

I could've answered no, but I needed an answer that kept me from sounding too much like a sicko. 
And I was beginning to have suspicions... "Its...To keep a balance?"

"But you never cared for the Balancers? Don't you have some other reason?" He started rubbing 
his fingers together in the universal symbol for money, but my mind couldn't seem to make that 
connection.  Actually, it did, but it did not come out like I wanted.

"Money is good.  But I also cleanse the fluffy pink poison because it is the right thing to do."

That was really not sounding like me, but 'Itami' seemed pleased with the answer, "Good answer."

Now I was damn sure that this was some type of interrogation, but what I really wanted to do 
right now was wash my mouth out with soap first before I made any other Kamen-type slips.  
Now all I needed to do was find out who this was, and why they were doing it.  

My calculating paranoid mind had discarded the Yoshiko idea a long time ago, and was now leaning 
toward the new Finn.  Which was plausible, but a stupid theory itself.  Plus I had Ramsbottom, 
Shubby-chan, and the two fruity generals to add to the list.  It was too bad really that the 
answer was right under my nose. Especially after the following question.

"Don't you like feeling?" Huh? "Huh?"

The Itami in the mirror made a very Un-Itami gesture and spread his arms wide. "When you saw Aika, 
H, and Kumiko.  Didn't you like that feel of Happiness? Contentment?"

I wanted to say I could probably live without them, well I could probably live without them 
except H, but what came out was, "It is a good feeling, yes. Especially with H."

Itami's mouth twitched into micro-smile, "Wouldn't you like to give up this dangerous hunting 
and settle down with two lovely women?  Three if you really want it. You have enough money to 
set 5 people for life, as long as you don't spend it on weapons. Won't that make you happy? 
Isn't that what you wanted?" 

Yes that was what I wanted, what I always wanted actually.  To get out of the Hunting business 
and settle down.  It was _exactly_ what I wanted. 

In my current state of mind, I didn't make the connection immediately. Actually, it didn't make 
the connection till much later.  Instead, I tried to answer the question much like Itami would.  
"I'm not unhappy." Ah, it seems that I got my vocal cords back.  

The Itami-mirror finally showed another emotion other than benevolence. Confusion and Fear. 
"But don't you hate your life?"

Well that was assuming a lot.  I may have stated this in the morning, but that was only a 
reaction to yesterday's events. "Why would I hate my life?

The Itami-mirror seemed to be becoming more unlike his model, and became more flustered.  
Like he had lost control of something... "You know?" He started to wave his hand vaguely, 
"Aika's on the fritz and has found a new role model, Kumiko is gone, Reika is literally shot to 
hell, H still hates you, and Itami-er-I am quite displeased." I had to say that is the most 
I've ever heard Itami say, well except with that braces incident.  Excuse me while I shudder.

Whoever this was, they were making a lot of assumptions based on events that only happened 
recently.  I discarded all my usual suspects and decided on one, "Let me say it again, I'm not 
unhappy."

Itami-mirror was now a lovely shade of beat red  "But But! Yesterday..With Itami!"

I gave my best disinterested Itami shrug and decided to quote something I thought of earlier 
today, "Oh that? I think some philosopher once said: Live with it." Yeah, I know I was only 
kidding myself but when I thought about it, it actually made a lot of sense.  It also seemed 
like Itami had saved my ass yet again, although in a vastly different playing field.

Itami-mirror's eye twitched and he snarled, which I figured was a tad to overemotional for 
someone copying Itami. "You're good."

And with that the room went completely black.

------------------------------------------

Now you have got to understand something about walking around in void-space.  It isn't like 
walking around in reality, for example everything's an inky almost pliable dark.  However, the 
paradox is, is that you could see perfectly in front of you.  It really a hard thing to 
explain, but it seemed to be the physics of this plane.  

I was actually quite glad I could see, else those floating red one eyed blobs would've skewered 
me with their sharp teeth.  When I first saw those things, I assumed that this was hell, after 
all I did fall through the Finn's floor and the Finn seemed like that gaijin (George Burns was 
it?)  In that movie I seemed to have forgotten.  Anyway, he seemed like the slick devilish type. 
Didn't I say I didn't want anymore mystic hocus pocus?

Anyway, back to the subject of those things, well there's actually not much to say about them.  
They were about my height, they floated, and I knew they could swallow me whole.  So of course 
I shot the first one with the only available weapon I had.  

I have to say that the effects of the Chaos gun were quite varied.  The first 'thing' I shot 
exploded in a shower of blood.  I was pleased for a while, but then the effects of the bullets 
changed.  Instead of exploding, they shrunk. Which wasn't so bad since they were easy to step on.  
The only bad point was when they snuck up my pant leg, and I'd rather not revisit _that_ situation.  

Another cool thing about this gun is that it seemed to have an infinite supply of ammo.  I was 
quite thankful for this fact when the effects of the gun changed to 'enlarge subject'.  The 
explosion that occurred after about 20 shots was quite spectacular, although very messy.  

I wandered around like this, for who knows how long before I found myself in face to face with 
my current enemy.  I assumed it was the enemy because of all the hard shadowing that hid the 
face, and most of the body.  I was able to make out the color of his suit though, a immaculately 
clean gray trenchcoat.        

"Hello Yoi."

Oho! Pleasantries, meaning that this guy was probably dangerous.  

I set my danger senses on high and tensed my body. "Who are you?"

"Would it be too much to say, that is a secret."

Great, when a mysterious figure starts imitating supposedly evil anime characters, then it's 
time to become frightened.  

"Yes it is, answer straight cause I don't feel like dealing with your type today."  

The figure's body shook with an ill-restrained chuckle, "Oh my Yoi-boy, Don't you get it? Don't 
you understand?"

I moved from a mongoose mindset, to foot testing the waters, "Nope, care to explain?"

"No, but I'm sure you could answer it yourself."

I usually have a limit, but for some reason my emotions were on fire today.  And right now, 
this guy just pushed my anger button.  I punched out at the figure and watched as his face 
cracked in a spiderweb type fashion before the image vanished completely.  Figures that it was 
just another mirror image, although I had to say that this mirrror seemed to blend real well 
with the darkness.  

Suddenly the darkness fell apart, jagged pieces falling to the ground like razor sharp droplets 
of rain.  Well that was quite surreal. Behind the mirror of darkness was something I did not 
expect.  In the depths of what I considered a demonic sub-dimension, was a carnival.  
Of course it was a ghost carnival with only one attraction open.  An attraction that I've 
always hated, and its blinking lights were inviting me inside.

It was funhouse.  A funhouse with a big smiling clowns face ready to swallow me whole.  Wasn't 
I trying to avoid that particular situation?  

Let me take time to quote some other vague philosopher.  I believe he was an American by the 
name of James Cagney, and his quote was Into the breach.  Or was it Humphrey Bogart who said 
that? Or maybe Choy Yun Fat?...

-------------------------------------------
I felt nauseous the minute I walked through that happy looking mouth.  It was like walking into 
the mouth of hell, except this hell consisted of a perpetually moving floor and a lot of seizure 
inducing light strobing.  

So I ran into the damned funhouse, and tried to ignore my surroundings, just to avoid becomeing 
an epileptic.  I readied my gun, and suddenly remembered what a certain someone said to me a 
while ago.  

'You and this gun are fated' or something to that effect.  I also remember something about the 
importance of the day I would finally use it.  I was using it, and these were quite unusual 
settings, so I guessed this was it.   

I ran past screaming ghosts that seemed too freakishly real, and strange booby traps that 
redefined the saying, 'be careful or you'll poke your eyes out.'  The weird thing was that all 
the ghosts were smiling and encouraging me on, and the traps no matter how dangerous looking, 
seemed easily avoided.  It was like whoever built this warehouse was intentionally trying to 
build up my confidence.

That confidence was raised when I found out the ghosts and the traps were merely illusions.  
Of course, that didn't mean I didn't freak when that one axe passed right through me.

And then I came to a dark room where there was yet another damn mirror.  However unlike the 
other one this one was roundish and had an expensive looking gold frame.  And it had Ramsbotton 
running straight toward me from other side.  Now for the past few months I've been screwed over 
by several people, and one of those 'screwers' was Ramsbottom here.  And he was pointing a gun 
straight at me.  So can ya blame me for trying to 'bust his cap.'  

Fortunately the mirror didn't shatter, saving me from 7 years bad luck.  Unfortunately I only 
clipped his shoulder, and on that same note he clipped mine.    

I'm surprised it took me that long to figure it out, but when I felt for that hole in my 
shoulder, I knew who to blame for the problem's I had for the past few days.   

It was the man in the mirror who was looking straight at me.   

And it wasn't Ramsbottom.

"You just had to shoot us with the Chaos gun, didn't you?  Doesn't anyone believe in peaceful 
negotiations anymore?"

I shot the Chaos gun one more time.  The only trouble was that this time the entire mirror 
shattered, tumbling to the ground in a pile of broken glass.  Another problem was that the man 
inside didn't shatter as well.  Instead he stepped out of the mirror, becoming three-dimensional 
in an instant.

So there I was face to face with my 'more emotional' self.  There I was, face to face with Koi.
----------------------------------

End Notes: Agh, Writing for MGH was more difficult than I thought!  I guess my primary ideas of 
Yoi's character were a bit off^^.  Although I will be happy to note that I now have two more 
people now angered at my two writing quirks: Spellchecking and Tenses.  I appologize to two 
certain individuals for having to deal with that^^.

Pre-reading and comments done by Matt Cambell and Phil Barkow, who's combined efforts at least 
tried to make this as readable as possible.  

"I like tricksters and bastards^^"   

One Final note: If you noticed, I described Itami as 'looking tired'.  I'm assuming his looks from
the poster Aaron did.  I really couldn't find anotehr way to describe him, except looking like a
a bum, but why would women consider that cute^^.