Akari Nazo's car sped off into the distance even as a thin trickle of blood from Ramsbottom's face began to pool on the pavement beneath him.

I got out a couple of shots at the retreating car, but it was already out of range. The car went out of sight taking with it my hopes of cleaning up this mess in as simple and straightforward manner as I'd planned.

Not that I'd really expected otherwise, this job doesn't tend to promote optimism.

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Magical Girl Hunters, Chapter 32:. Honest Answers

By: Philip Barkow

A presentation of ImproFanfic Headquarters.


"There is nothing more dangerous than a fool with a little knowledge"


Magical Girl Hunters was originally created by Aaron Shattuck.


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"Why did you stop me? Both of us have suffered at the hands of Ramsbottom!"

Matsura was obviously very angry.  Not too long ago I would have considered this a cause for no small amount of concern, but the power dynamic had shifted since then.

"Because there's more than one Ramsbottom."

Itami raised his left eyebrow slightly, and curved his mouth downwards a couple millimeters. Most people wouldn't have even noticed, but knowing Itami as well as I do, the meaning of that expression was immediately clear to me. Itami was either considering pistol whipping me into unconsciousness before calling the nice men in white coats to take me away, or he was absolutely dying for a pineapple and anchovy pizza. Considering the circumstances, the first one seemed the likelier of the two.

"This Ramsbottom bleeds. The one that consumed Kawaii was composed of the same kind of black ichor that most major youma seem to be made up of. While it is a simple matter for many demons to reshape themselves into a human form, actually bleeding is impossible for most. The notable exceptions are demons that are in their natural corporeal forms, in which case they are unlikely to appear human, and demons that are possessing a human being. Such demons appear exactly like their humans hosts, and can perform only minor alterations to their physical form." I cut myself off before repeating the rest of the chapter. I felt like cursing Lovely Rhyme-and-Reason for giving me the information addiction, and thanking Veracity for getting me something useful to read. 

Despite the irritation, I had managed to get my point across, Matsura still seemed angry, but her anger seemed less focused. She no longer gave the impression that she was trying to make her mind up as to whether to simply shoot Ramsbottom, or to shoot me... and then shoot Ramsbottom.

"You're right."

Aika had a touch of anger in her tone, and I wondered why for a moment before realizing that reminding her of the last time she'd seen Captain Kawaii had brought back unpleasant memories of the fate she'd suffered at Kawaii's hands. Although I didn't know what she'd gone through, it seemed to me Aika was trying to forget about it, and it would healthier for her if I didn't interfere. I decided I'd better speak up and try to derail her train of thought.

"Com'n. Let's get back to the office." 

That probably wasn't the best possible distraction, but hey, there's a reason I didn't become a practicing therapist.

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Back at the office the first thing we did was get Ramsbottom bandaged up. Or rather, redo the rather shoddy rush job we'd done bandaging him in the car on the drive back to the office. Aika was unwilling to do the 'Beautiful field medic-go' thing, and had wandered off into the corner with a soda. 

"Check him for a wallet."

"Gee Yoi, I didn't realize you were that hard up for funds." 

I took Matsura's sardonic quip as a sign that she was recovering from the mood in which shooting people seemed like a reasonable way to solve her problems. 

I mean, just because it works for me, doesn't mean I want to see the people around me practicing it.

At the same time her quip made me rather nervous, bad jokes like that are rather out of character for her, and it started me worrying that maybe being cut off from her power base had unbalanced her more than I thought.

"When the inhuman being whom claimed to be Ramsbottom departed after consuming Captain Kawaii, he said to ask for ID when I next saw him."

Veracity was the one who actually pulled out Ramsbottom's wallet. However he chose that moment to groan slightly, signifying that he was starting to regain consciousness. Veracity quickly hid the wallet on the desk behind her as Ramsbottom opened his eyes.

"My apologies for inflicting myself on your hospitality."

"As long as you're forthcoming with useful information, you can stay as long as you like."

"But of course. I imagine you have accumulated a goodly number of questions."

"What did you do to Kumiko?!" Matsura interjected, her temper beginning to flare again.

"I assure you, my dear lady, I have visited no violence or other variety of harm upon anyone by that name."

I decided that it was time to take control of the conversation and try to get some answers while I had the chance.

"Okay. In that case explain why there's a major demon running around using your face."

"Ah. In that matter I do owe you an apology. While I have always spoken truthfully to you, I have not given you all of the details about the matter."

"So cut to the chase."

"To put it simply, there is no demon 'running around using my face' as you put it. Rather, I am the one who has assumed an appearance resembling the physical form that a particular demon is in the habit of employing while dealing with humans. Or to put it in your unique idiom, I am running around with the face of a major demon."

"What for?"

"Ah, that is a secret."

Even as I glared at Ramsbottom, out of the corner of my eye I noticed Aika taking three sips from her soda.

"That is not a satisfactory answer."

"It was matter of keeping up appearances. You are of interest to certain entities, who can be counted on to be watching you, either directly or indirectly, though usually indirectly. They already knew or suspected that the entity known to you as Ramsbottom had or was planning to contact you, and if it appeared that his was the only contact with a being of that level, less attention would be attracted to you."

"But Ramsbottom was hardly the only mysterious manipulator to inflict itself on my life."

"Indeed, the events surrounding you have taken some quite unexpected turns."

"So what are you, a member of an organization dedicated to maintaining the stability of the space time continuum?"

Matsura actually had the decency to look embarrassed as with that question I turned my glare onto her for a moment.

"On the contrary my dear boy. I am a freelance operative. I have often had to go to great lengths to maintain my independence. Rather I am here as a favor to a friend of mine. A friend who, in good time, I expect to repay the favor."

"And did this friend also ask you to take care of Akari Nazo?"

"No, not really. That was more a personal matter, I felt obliged to deal with it when the opportunity presented itself."

I couldn't help but think he hadn't done a very good job dealing with it, but I decided not to waste time pointing it out, and simply asked another question.

"What else can you tell us about her?"

"Not much that you don't already know, unfortunately. She is of course a quite magically powerful individual. She was telling the truth when she stated her motivation. She wishes to be reunited with the man she loves, and she feels that whatever she does in pursuit of that goal is justified. However, I suggest that you remain extremely dubious of anything else she may tell you. To paraphrase an early seventeenth century hymn writer,  'Her bark is worse than her bite'. She uses words to give people the impression that she is actually more powerful than she is. She casually drops names and makes allusions to fictional projects of apocalyptic proportions."

"So Ultra wasn't actually a project of hers?" I asked, attempting to put enough skepticism into my tone to give the impression I'd known it all along.

"Quite the opposite actually. She was briefly in his employ, but left after discovering she wouldn't be allowed access to the information she sought, or perhaps after discovering what she thought was a faster way to her goal. In terms of raw power, Nazo does not compare to a being like Ultra. He was after all a true Seraph, and in theory could have casually destroyed her. In practice, she is at least as dangerous as Ultra was. For one thing, she is sane, with the exception of her obsession. She gathers information and plans ahead to a significantly greater extent than Ultra ever did. She also has the advantage of being only a human being, and she thusly attracts considerably less attention from various celestials, such as those who you encountered while working against Ultra."

"Who's this friend of yours anyway?"

"I'm terribly sorry, but I can not reveal her name. It would be terribly rude of me to do so. And now I must depart, my apologies for being such a poor guest."

"Wait!"

I went for my gun and I noticed Itami doing the same, but we were already too late. Ramsbottom stood up in a rapid but unrushed motion, put his bowler hat back on, and vanished. A moment later I got a glimpse of him reappearing outside the office, before disappearing again. But he didn't seem to be alone for the second disappearance. I caught a glimpse of a woman with distinctive red and green hair.

He'd caught me totally off guard with that move. I was certain we'd left his hat on the pavement of the Palms parking lot.

It then occurred to me that we still had one source of information that we hadn't taken advantage of. I turned to Veracity and asked: "What did Ramsbottom's wallet have in it anyway?"

She opened the wallet and looked at its contents for a moment before an expression of utter stupefaction came over her features. I felt a faint urge to explain to her in detail that whatever it was, was all right, and all was well with the world. I got over it quickly; I've been building up a greater resistance to Veracity's extreme beauty. I did note with interest that Aika took a step forwards and opened her mouth as if she was going to say something, though.

Wordlessly, Veracity handed me the wallet. I glanced at the driver's license. The picture in it, despite the low quality image was unmistakably the man I knew as Ramsbottom. I glanced again and noticed the name. It was a name that was very familiar to me. The name on the driver's license was Kurasaka Yoi.

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Author's note:

I would like to apologize for the brevity of this chapter. Its due date was unfortunately close to the due date of a major Java project of mine.

While shouldering the blame for this part myself, I would like to pass the credit for it onto those who deserve it.

First of all, thanks to my talented pre-reader, John Evans.

I would also like to thank those people whose ideas found form in this chapter; Jonatan Streith, John 'the ImproFanfic God' Evans, Matthew Campbell, Aaron 'Epsilon' Peori, Terry Pratchett, Elizabeth 'Arcangel' McCoy, and anyone important I've forgotten.