Nothing's ever allowed to be easy for me, is it?
	Order towered over me, arms folded, letting his proclamation of
doom sink in. Considering that I had absolutely no idea _how_ I was
supposed to go about fighting off an embodiment of pure order roughly
the size of a one story house, I think I was justified in feeling a
little less than pleased with the situation. Still, I would've
appreciated a little more faith from everyone else. I mean, the only
one who didn't seem to be somewhere in the "worried to really really
fucking scared" range was Lucy, who just looked pissed off. I was hoping
for at least a vote of confidence from Itami, but I could see how his
lips were pursed together just a little closer. Well fine then pals,
I'd just have to stand up on my lonesome for this one.
	"Chaos says, Order dies!"
	"GURK."
	Order's hand flew to his heart. He stumbled around in the air
and then fell, plummeting to the ground.
	"Well, that was easy."

***

Improfanfic Presents...

MAGICAL GIRL HUNTERS

Episode 46b: The Ending That Never Was (Thank God)

Written by Aaron Shattuck

Edited by Chippy the Transvestite Gnome

***

	I stretched and took in a deep breath of not-quite-so-clean air.
Damn it felt good to be back in the saddle again. Sure I had to hand
the powers of Chaos over to Lucy. But what harm was she gonna do?
	Um, don't answer that.
	I leaned back and smacked my feet down on the desk, causing a
paper Tower of Babel to fall and spill into my lap.
	I really had to get more organized. Too bad Veracity ran off to
elope with the new Finn.
	Outside I could hear sirens and angry, pleading shouts. Chucking
the papers to the floor, I moved over to the window and peered out
through the Venetian blinds.
	A man in a suit and bowler cap was backing away from two police
officers, who held long metal rods that I guessed were cattle prods.
	"Wait! Wait! I have something very important to tell you about
your Destiny!"
	*Zap*
	"Ah! Okay, okay, so I was lying about that. But listen, I'm not
_really_ who you think I am!"
	*Zap*
	I shut the blinds.
So, they were rounding up the Ramsbottoms.
	The Ramsbottom Relocation Bill had originally been proposed by the
Nemesis Union. They didn't like how the Ramsbottoms were taking jobs
away from other infuriatingly enigmatic villains. It was heavily opposed
by the tea industry (which got at least half their business from those
guys), but in the end the public supported it almost unanimously.
Everyone was tired of always being frozen in time, day in and day out.
	The door flew open and Itami burst in. I could instantly tell
there was something wrong, by the way he was screaming and clawing at
his melting face.
	"Hey Itami, what's up?"
	"Aaah! Aaaah!"
	He flailed a bit, then came crashing down on my desk. The
remaining papers flew everywhere, along with my novelty celebrity head
mug. I checked his pulse.
	Goddamn it, he was dead again! Wasn't that just like Itami?
	Well, I didn't see what I could do for him this time, unless Lucy
wanted me to help her steal cable or something. With a great heave I
picked him up and started to stuff him into the wastebasket.
	There was a knock.
	I looked up to see H standing in the doorway. She was out of her
leather fuku getup and into Kasumi mode. Although even as Kasumi I'd
never seen her where _that_ much clothing. Her dress even covered her
feet. She was also wearing horn-rimmed glasses, minus the glass part.
	"Uh, hi H. I can explain..."
	She walked up to me, seeming not to notice her boyfriend's body
sticking out of the garbage.
	"I've come to resign, Yoi, and hopefully save your soul."
	"Whazzat?"
	"I learned something yesterday. Hell is very real and I don't ever
want to go back to it. But there is hope for me, and for you to, if you
only accept Jesus Christ into your heart and-"
	"Wait. Jesus..." I tapped my finger against my temple. "Big fat
guy with a white beard in a red suit, right?
	"No, that's SANTA CLAUS." H sighed and shook her head. "My work's
certainly cut out for me. It's time that heathen Japan got a wake up
call."
	"Oh. Well, good luck with that then. But I'm a little busy right
now." There was a talk-show on in a few minutes.
	"Fine!" H stormed away, turning back just before she was
completely out of the office. "But you'll be Sorry, Yoi! In hell it's
ten-thousand degrees hot!"
	"No it's not. It was just a _little_ warm when I was there..."
	She slammed the door and the wastebasket fell over, spilling Itami
to the floor. I cursed under my breath and started working at getting
him back in. Then someone rapped on the door.
	"It's open!"
	Aika stepped in, closing it behind her.
	"Oh, hey," I said.
	"Yoi, we have to talk."
	"We do? Um, okay." Jeez, I hoped she wasn't going to get all
angsty on me again.
	"I... I'm leaving, Yoi."
	"_What_? Why?!"
	"I have to. We're all being deported. You see, I never told you,
I... I'm a Ramsbottom."
	How could I have missed it before? Bowler cap, cane, English
accent... the Three Stigmata of Nigel Ramsbottom!
	Damn, now I felt guilty about voting for that Bill...
	"So... you're going back to England?"
	"No, Cleveland. We all come from Cleveland. We just watch too
much 'Fawlty Towers' on PBS."
	"Oh... I guess this is goodbye then."
	"Yes. Goodbye. I'll miss you, Old Chap."
	She tipped her hat and disappeared.
	Well this was just great! Now I was going to have to scrape the
's' off the sign...
	Once again, there was a knock at the door.
	"What?! Who is it this time? I don't have any more friends left
to loose here..."
	"Now it's _your_ turn."
	In stepped the most disgusting man I've ever seen. Everything about
him was more repulsive than a plateful of mayonnaise left to curdle on
the floor weeks. At his feet was a little bearded man, no bigger than
my Glock. He was wearing an evening dress that looked like it was
straight out of the "Barbie Accessory Set" and from a leash on his leg
rose a long chain that wound up to the man's fist.
	"Who the hell are you?"
	"Yoi Kurasaka, I am your GOD."
	"Oh. So _that_'s what you look like. Y'know, I was expecting
something a little less..."
	"Hideous?" said the little man.
	"Shut up, Chippy!"
	"I don't see what you want with me," I said. "I'm not Chaos anymore,
you know."
	"No no no, I'm not _that_ God. I'm your Creator. You see, your
entire life has been nothing but a story written for people's amusement."
	Yeah. I could see that.
	"After making you, I foolishly entrusted your life to the whims of
_lesser_ artists, who have _destroyed_ my vision!"
	"'Vision'?" I asked. My life had a 'vision'? "What was that?"
	"Necrophile child porn," said the little man.
	"I made _suggestions_. I planted _hints_. But did anyone pick them
up? No!"
	"This is a bad thing now?" I said.
	"Of course, maybe they would've if a certain someone hadn't cut
out the 'head wound' scene..." He glared down at the little man.
	"What? Did you _want_ to get arrested?"
	"Hmph."
	"Look..." I turned on my 'reasonable' voice and hoped it'd work on
this all-powerful, if obviously deranged person. I had to admit that
everything made a lot more sense when you factored him in as my creator.
"I can see how you'd be mad about your... ah... 'artistic integrity'
being compromised, but... what I mean is, you aren't going to try and
make me screw dead little kids now, are you?"
	"No." He sulked. "It's too late. Everything's already been ruined.
So I'm taking my ball and going home."
	"You're leaving? Oh, good... I mean, um..."
	"Yeah. Right after I END IT ALL." Thunder boomed and lighting
crackled in the hallway. Goddamn landlord never did fix that faulty
wiring.
	"Now wait just a-"
	"I'm just here to end all existence for you. Then I can get back
to my five hundred page epic, 'Ruxpin: the Metal Idol 2, the Return of
Fob'."
	"Hey! You can't do that!"
	"Already have. C'mon, Chippy."
	He walked away, dragging the little man behind him.
	I heard a thump and looked over to see workmen picking up the far
wall and carting it off down an empty lot. Some more came in and started
to take away the furniture. One set up a latter and climbed it
to start unscrewing the light-bulb.
	"Well, this just su