Otaku Wish Fulfillment Theater
Started by Scott Schimmel

Chapter 3:  Adversaries or Allies...That, and Things Get Hectic!
By Kate Malloy

O_o

The village of Tae was a small, picturesque town about half a day's walk from 
the Dan Woods. The Calculus Mountains rose majestically in the distance, and the 
setting sun bathed the snow-covered mountaintops in a myriad of beautiful 
colors.

Our heroes failed to notice this, as they were tired, hungry, wanting baths, and 
starting to get a bit fed up with this whole quest.  Except for Kate, of course, 
who still just loved the idea of being in an RPG.  However, she was currently 
upset because Dan had taken *her* map and was insisting on leading the group 
even though she was by *far* the most organized person there.  To which Dan 
replied that she hadn't had any objections the other night to him navigating, 
and that *she* was the one who'd managed to lose that transdimensional 
thingamabob back in the Oracle's temple that might have allowed them to get 
home, and...

"That's enough, you two," Steve said wearily.  "Look, we're almost in town."

"Sorry," Kate said, embarrassed.  She smiled sheepishly at Dan.

"It's okay," Dan answered.  "I think we all just need to rest for a while."

"Besides, once we get through the woods, we'll be in the mountains, and we'll 
find the first Seal, and then we'll be one-seventh of the way there!" Kate 
exclaimed brightly.

Illyria put a hand to his forehead.

"Something wrong, Illy?" Scott asked.

"It's nothing," Illyria mumbled.  "Just a... feeling of sorts."

Ardweden hastily glanced at Illyria's trenchcoat, then breathed a sigh of relief 
when it failed to turn plaid.  Illyria didn't seem to notice.

They walked the rest of the way to Tae in silence, arriving in the village just 
as the sun slipped behind the horizon.  Figuring that they could gather supplies 
and information tomorrow, they headed for the inn.

Scott blinked at the sign hanging over the door.  "The Falcon and Wombat?  You 
guys don't suppose..."

"I can't say that I'd be surprised if it was," Steve stated.

When they entered, however, they noticed a distinct lack of FalChaMlink members 
standing behind the counter.  Instead, there was a pleasant-looking young woman 
who smiled at them very warmly, and in fact seemed to be on the verge of 
swooning when she looked at Illyria.

"You appear to have an admirer," Kate said with a grin as the young lady went 
off to make sure that they had enough rooms ready for the group.

Illyria, as usual, was brooding and didn't answer.

The young lady returned.  "Okay, it's all set up!  If you'll follow me, I'll 
show you your rooms."  She gave Illyria an adoring gaze and motioned for the 
party to come after her.

"Do you feel like we got gypped?" Dan said quietly to Steve as they walked 
along.

Steve sighed.  "If nothing else, being bishounen probably would have made my 
hair actually look decent for once."

O_o

Ardweden bounced happily on one of the big fluffy beds in the room that 
she was sharing with Kate.  "Hey, this is pretty fun!"

Kate looked up briefly from where she sat writing the day's events in her 
notebook.  "Glad you're enjoying yourself," she said with a smile.

"What are you doing?"

Kate set down her pen.  "I'm keeping a record of this trip.  You know, the 
places we've been, the people we've spoken to... If nothing else, it would make
a great story for when we get back!"

Ard stopped bouncing and sighed.  "I miss our world.  We'll be able to go back, 
won't we?"

"We will," Kate reassured her.  "Though... I just can't help feeling that this 
whole thing is my fault somehow.  I mean, I'm having a wonderful time, and Dan 
probably is too, but I never, ever meant for any of you guys to get dragged into 
something like this.  Especially with what happened to Scott and Illy."

"It's not your fault," Ard replied.  "Just as long as we get back home... This
 might actually turn out to be fun!"

"That's the spirit!" Kate grinned at her.  "So... You want to practice your 
martial arts or something?"

Ardweden shook her head.  "No thanks.  I really don't like fighting."

"Neither do I, but I just know that sooner or later we're going to run into 
something."

There were a few minutes of silence.

"Kate?  Do me a favor?" Ard finally asked.

"Hmm?"

"Please lay off the Ominous Foreshadowing."

"Oops!  Sorry."

"Thanks."

O_o

The next morning, the refreshed and much more cheerful (although it was really 
hard to tell with Illyria) group set off to explore the town.

The first thing they discovered was the giant bronze statue of the town's 
founder in the middle of the central square.

"Montae?!"

"How come we didn't notice this last night?" Kate asked.

"We were tired, we were hungry, and it was getting dark," Steve answered.

Scott examined the statue closely.  "This is getting really strange."

Dan looked at her.  "You can turn into a magical girl, and you're only *now* 
deciding that things are getting strange?"

Scott glared back at him.  "But seriously, though... We got sucked in through 
the coaster, and now everybody else appears to be here as well."

"It's almost like we've been placed in some bizarre fantasy story by some rather 
warped writers," Ardweden observed.

Kate chuckled nervously.

"You know, I wish the Oracle had been a little more helpful," Steve said.  "All 
we know now is that we're going to wander through a bunch of BlackMage-infested
woods, up into some mountains, and find the first of the Seven Seals while 
wandering around aimlessly, possibly getting hopelessly lost..."

"Stop worrying, Steve," Dan said.  "But you're right, Delfina must not be all 
that great of a goddess if she can't spare some help for her friends-"

A small mallet made of glowing blue light suddenly appeared, smacked Dan on the 
head, then vanished.

"Oww!" Dan rubbed the spot where the mallet had hit him.

"You shouldn't speak that way about Tsuin-sama!" Ard exclaimed.

"Yep, apparently she's listening," Scott pointed out.

Illyria, meanwhile, had taken the opportunity to slip away unnoticed and buy the 
group's supplies.  He returned and tossed several packs at the party's feet.

"There," he said tersely.  "Ready to go?"

The others blinked in surprise at the sudden appearance of the supplies, then 
nodded.

"The quest is on again!" Kate said eagerly, striking an Unnecessary Dramatic 
Pose just because she felt like it.

The rest of the group tried very hard not to facefault.

O_o

"I don't like the looks of this," Steve noted as the group approached the Dan 
Woods.

The woods were dark.  And somewhat foreboding-looking.  And strangest of all, 
there didn't appear to be any way in.

"There should be a path or something, shouldn't there?" Ard asked.  "I 
mean, how else are people supposed to enter?"

"They're not," Illyria said quietly.  "We've been sent on a wild goose chase."

Kate walked up to the trees and pushed on the trunks a little.  "We can't be 
stuck already, can we?  Is this like one of those RPGs where you can't proceed 
until you talk to one specific person in a town somewhere?"

"No, wait.  Let me try something," Dan said.  He walked slowly and reverently up 
to the trees.  Then he extended a forearm, flexed it, and shouted, "OOOSHA!"

The effect was... interesting.  What appeared to be a solid line of tree trunks 
and branches was suddenly not there anymore.  No flashy special effects, just a 
sort of subtle shift in reality.

The group stared, open-mouthed.  (Except for Illyria, of course.)

"How did you know to do that?" Scott asked.

Dan shrugged.  "Well, these are the 'Dan Woods,' after all."

Once again, there was a collective urge to facefault.

"Well, let's get going!" Kate said with her usual overenthusiasm.

"Hold it right there!" shouted a voice behind the group.

The six turned to find...

"...Lizards?" Steve said incredulously.  Indeed, they were now facing three 
creatures who looked very much like lizards.  If lizards stood on their hind 
legs and were vaguely humanoid-shaped and wore brightly colored clothing, that 
is.

"We're not lizards!" the first creature shouted.  "We are... the Talking 
Tuataras of Terror!  I am Tommy!"

"I'm Tad!" yelled the second.

"And I'm Tessa!" cried the third.

"Tuataras?" Ard asked.  "But doesn't that mean you serve Phoebe?  What do you 
want with us?"

"Phoebe-sama got bored, so she decided to send us after you," Tad explained.  
"Don't ask.  It's not wise to argue with the Goddess of Whimsy."

"Now... Tuataras, attack!" Tessa cried.  The three tuataras charged.

Illyria drew his sword.  Kate pulled her ninja mask on, transformed, and pulled 
out her wakizashi.  Dan powerposed, shouted "VICTOLY!", and changed to his mecha 
suit.  Ardweden got into a ready stance.  Steve just stood behind the others and 
tried to decide whose powers he was going to copy.

And Scott, with a great deal of horror, realized that she had absolutely no idea 
what her transformation phrase was.

"Uhh...Sailor Scott, Make Up!" she cried, raising one hand to the sky in 
dramatic fashion.

Nothing.

"Magical Lovely Light, Transform!"

Still nothing, and the tuataras were getting closer.

She racked her brain for any magical girl transformation phrase she could think 
of.  "I call on the power of magical dreamings!  Arise!"

A great deal of nothing occurred.

"Scott, quit goofing off and change!" Kate yelled, before she hastily dodged out 
of the way of a claw swipe from Tommy.

"I'm not goofing off!" Scott yelled back, getting out of the way of Ardweden and 
Dan, who were trying to double-team Tessa.

Illyria sighed.  "I suppose I'm stuck playing kamen for you, then."  He stepped 
to block a tail attack from Tad.

Scott groaned.  "By the ancient contract, I am the one meant to defend the 
people in JUSTICE as a magical girl! Release!"

Steve, meanwhile, had paired up with Kate and together the two were striking a 
series of lightning-fast blows and dodges against Tommy.

Well, Kate was lightning-fast, anyway.  She winced as Steve took a very nasty 
hit.  "That's gotta hurt," she observed.

"God damn it, transform already!" Scott yelled in desperation as he watched 
Ardweden and Dan get scattered in two directions by a well-placed tail trip.  
She then looked up, noticed a very angry tuatara looming over her, and sighed.  
"The universe hates me..."

Suddenly, she began to glow with lavender light.

"That's it?!  'The universe hates me'?!" she yelled over the beginning of her 
transformation sequence.

The entire group stopped fighting and stared.

Kate shook her head and wordlessly handed Dan a pack of Kleenex.

Scott finished transforming and posed dramatically.  "Evildoers, prepare to be 
horribly mutilated!  I, Pretty Magical Princess Scott-chan, will not allow you 
to harm my friends!"  She then blinked.  "Okay.  Please tell me I did *not* just 
say that."

"We didn't hear a word of it, Pretty Magical Princess Scott-chan," Dan repeated 
with a smirk.

"The universe *really* hates me," Scott muttered.

"No, that should be your powerup phrase," Kate observed.

The tuataras, meanwhile, just stood there in shock, probably unable to 
comprehend exactly what had just happened.

Scott raised one arm to the sky.  "Beautiful Lightbeam Swirl Action!" she 
yelled.

Swirls of lavender sparkles fell from the sky onto the tuataras.

"Aaaaagh!" cried Tessa.  "That really hurts!  You're so *mean*!"

"You may have stopped us this time, but we'll be back!" Tad yelled.

"That's right!  You haven't seen the last of us!" Tommy shouted.  "Tuataras, 
away!"

The three tuataras ran out of sight.

"Well that was... odd," Ard remarked, as she relaxed her stance.

The others nodded as they detransformed/put away their weapons.

Scott groaned.  "I can't believe this."

Kate put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  "Well, it could have been worse."

"And how would that be possible?" Scott asked.

"You could have ended up with an attack called 'Hot Pseudoyuri LUVLUV Action!'" 
Kate said cheerfully.

Scott really did facefault this time.

"If you're done observing the ground, can we get on with this?" Steve asked.

Kate helped Scott up, then performed another one of her Unnecessary Dramatic 
Poses.  "Onward! The first Seal awaits!"

O_o

Author's Notes: Poor Scott. ;P  As his friends, we have absolutely no qualms 
about teasing him mercilessly. ^_~

Thanks go to Mechalink, Delfina, Stephica, and Phoebe for prereading, and 
Phoebe, Delfina, Mechalink, Ravi, Todd, and Lawrence for various and sundry 
ideas.

And thanks go to Scott for starting this, making me laugh hysterically many many 
times, and being a good sport about lots of things.  Yes, you are more 
interesting than the floor, and you still owe me fudge. ^_~