Otaku Wish-Fulfillment Theater Started by Scott Schimmel Chapter 25: Torture or no torture?...that, and a Mission from Goddesses! by Delfina ***** "Ha ha ha ha! This is one of the easiest things I've ever done. I have no idea why they thought that I might fail." The man adjusted his black baseball cap a bit. "I shall grind them into the ground mercilessly!" His companion smirked. "Right. You go do your job, and I'll do mine, Brett." Brett turned to look at him. "...What is your job exactly, Fury?" "To do whatever Delfina-kami-sama tells me to do." "Isn't that what we're all supposed to do?" "Yes, but it helps to repeat that every once in a while." ***** "Owie...that *hurt*. Where are we, Kate?" Ardweden shakily got to her feet, using a nearby tree for support. "I have no idea! But this is so cool! It's like Chrono Cross, when Serge got blasted into the other world!" Kate exulted, bouncing happily. "Maybe we'll meet the other Kate and the other Ardweden and the other..." "..." Illyria interrupted. "I agree with Illyria," Scott chimed in. "And we have no idea how we got here! One moment we were fighting the Authoress, the next we're *here*! Wherever that is." "No kidding. I wonder what happened?" ***** (Some time during the last chapter, but not onscreen) "I still don't understand this game, Imouto-chan." A petite blonde in a slinky black silk business suit stared at some cards she held in her hand and then randomly picked one and placed it on the table in front of her. Beside her another blonde was consulting a huge book. "Hm, okay, now that's the Haohmaru card placed next to the Twoflower card which has the BlackMage card next to it on the--" she looked at a compass, "--northeast side..." "Phoebe, put the book DOWN. This game makes absolutely NO SENSE," said a young man being served by several bishounen. To emphasize his point he threw his cards onto the table. "I don't understand how you can surround yourself with those...excuses for men," the petite blonde remarked, sniffing disdainfully at the bishounen. She gestured, and a scantily-clad Chippendale dancer came to serve her. "I prefer them this way." Todd laughed. "Of course you do, Steph." He gestured expansively at the idyllic tropical setting surrounding them. "But remember that this *is* the Isle of Bishounen." Stephica rolled her eyes. "How could I forget?" Phoebe grinned. "Well, *I* like them. By the way, has anyone heard from Delfina?" Todd shook his head. "She said she had a brilliant idea and needed to work on it some more. She thinks that the Destined Heroes are having too easy of a time." "I agree with her. We should put some kind of obstacle in their way." Stephica pursed her lip. "Let's send some superpowerful boss after them who is doomed to failure but will keep them distracted for an episode." Phoebe smirked, "I agree too. Hm, who could we use?" She tipped her head slightly and looked at a particular bishounen standing near Todd. "And how long are you going to keep Illyria's Seal?" Todd shrugged, "I don't know. He's kinda cute. And they already have the last Seal, until they find it I doubt I'll give this one up." "Ah, kami-samas?" The trio looked up. Phoebe was the first to respond. "Fury! What's up?" ColdFury laughed somewhat nervously and handed her a wrapped object. "I was told to tell you that this is Delfina's genius plan, or part of it." Phoebe unwrapped the object to reveal what looked like a credit card swiper, only a little bigger. Stephica and Todd peered over her shoulder at the item. "Um, what is it?" "Apparently Delfina was feeling a tad miffed about Kate's inability to actually get the Irvine card in the game, so she made this...it's a Quadruple Bypass card modifier." He pulled out a Montae card and swiped it. On the tiny LCD display the words *Level 5.87 BACKGROUND CHAR card. Modifies into One Smoke Bomb. Modify now?* A green button flashed. Fury hit the button and a smoke bomb popped out of the air and landed beside the device. "Neat, huh?" Stephica stared at the modifier. "And how exactly is this going to torture Kate? This would thrill her." ColdFury grinned and pulled out a Delfina card and swiped it. *Level 7482973892473 DEITY card. Modifies into Ten Real-Life Irvines.* The machine beeped. *Level not sufficient to modify. Must be level 4329 to modify.* Phoebe fell over laughing, "Oh that is *good*. Will it do that for all of the higher level cards?" ColdFury nodded. "Yup. For all of the Deity cards and Main Character cards. And even if she *does* manage to level that high, the level for modification will just go higher. Although I doubt her party-members would let her go on a leveling spree like that." He held up a Kate card. "And what is even better - the Kate card modifies into the OWF Official Hintbook, that tells you how to solve the game. It's also a cool artbook!" "Heh. So what else does she have planned for them?" Todd asked. ColdFury sweatdropped. "Oh, I don't think she's gotten that far yet. She's still giggling hysterically about the card modifier thing. "What if we just got someone, powered them up a bit and have them beat up on the Destined Heroes for a while. As a test?" Stephica pondered. Todd slowly nodded his head. "But who?" Phoebe rubbed her hands together. "I know just the person. And he'd be oh-so-happy to do it, too." ***** (Back to the present.) "Hello, Destined Heroes!" Ardweden waved cheerfully. "Hi! Who are you?" She squinted. "You look awfully familiar." The newcomer sweatdropped. "You're supposed to be cowering in fear." "Why?" Dan eyed the figure skeptically. "You look kind of scrawny to me. And what's with the huge boomerang?" Scott giggled. "Brett! Don't tell me that you're going to fight us?" She ran over to Brett and poked him in the chest. "You'll get hurt. Besides, if you're going to fight anyone it'd be me." She turned to her teammates. "Don't worry, I'll take care of him." Brett smirked. "Let's end this, Scott." He pulled out some miniature boomerangs and readied them to throw. Scott took a defensive position. "Yeah, with your death!" Battle music started in the background as the two faced off. She blinked. "Wait, why *are* you fighting us? And why are we suddenly acting like Iori and Kyo?" "I'm on a Mission from God. Or the Goddesses, rather. They think that you need to be tested." Brett flung a dozen minirangs, which all of the party members had to jump to avoid. "Brett! That's not very nice of you!" Ardweden exclaimed, as she dodged one of the sharp pointy objects. Kate snatched one out of the air and threw it back at him. "Hey! What's the big idea?" "Like I said, the Goddesses thought you were having too easy of a time." Brett caught the minirang that Kate threw at him and stuffed it back in his belt. Steve sweatdropped. "Um, Ard, aren't you...related to all of the Goddesses?" "Yes! I am! Why would Tsuin-chan want to do something like this to me?!" Ardweden wailed. Brett paused for a moment and rubbed the back of his head. "I'm sure it's nothing personal, Ard, but as for me - I'm going to do my job. I don't want to get hurt, you know." He shuddered. "And Stephica...she's the worst." Illyria pulled out his sword and rushed underneath the onslaught of minirangs ... and then got smacked with the business end of Brett's huge boomerang. "Sorry about that, Illyria, but orders are orders." Scott held her wand high and powerposed. "Shouldn't you have someone to back you up, or do you really think that you can overcome the powers of Justice and Love? In the name of -- Oh Goddess, I'm doing it again, but nevermind that! Cute Sparkly Candy-Coated Heart Attack!" A barrage of sparkly hearts flew out from Scott's wand and headed straight for Brett, who paled slightly. "Wai! I think you have him, Scott!" Kate exclaimed. Damien peered out from his hidey hole. "Are you finished yet?" Dan aimed the various implements of destruction on his suit directly at Brett. "Well, even if Scott didn't finish him off, I will." Kate and Ardweden, standing near him, both nodded. Steve was seeing to Illyria. Brett was suddenly grinning madly, holding his boomerang in front of him. "You forget, I have divine protection." He muttered something and the boomerang started glowing. As the hearts started hitting the boomerang, they bounced back towards the party, who rapidly dove for cover. "Scott! Can you turn those things off?!" Dan yelled as he held up shields. "Um, no?" Scott was taking cover behind Illyria, who's trenchcoat was starting to turn plaid. Brett was laughing hysterically. "It's like I was assisting suicide! Hate not me, hate your weakness!" He waved at the party. "I'll see you again later! Ta!" And vanished with a slight flash. Kate sighed. "I have a feeling that he's going to be like Gilgamesh in FF5...only we haven't actually beaten him yet." "Anyone need healing?" Steve asked. ***** "Okay, there's a town up ahead. We should probably stop and get some supplies. And hopefully there's an inn we can stay at." Kate said, pointing off in the distance. "We'll have to go through that little copse of trees and it'll be right there." "And you are not riding me through that," Damien interjected. "Fine, fine," Steve replied, "Let's just get going before we get caught out in the open again." "I can't believe my own brother...no wait, I *can* believe my own brother..." Scott muttered to herself, being led along by Illyria. Ardweden coughed. "So let's go, shall we?" ***** "What a neat town! Look, there are popcorn stands and over there they're selling cotton candy!" Scott exulted, little hearts appearing in her eyes at the sight of the sugar confections. Dan and Steve exchanged glances. Scott pointedly ignored them. Kate stopped suddenly, causing Ardweden - who was behind her - to bump into her. "Hey, isn't that ColdFury?" Everyone stopped and looked at the indicated figure. "Yes, that is him. Wonder what he's doing here?" Ardweden said. "Hey, Fury!" ColdFury turned and waved at the group, then walked over. "Hey guys, how are you doing?" He eyed Scott up and down. "Cute." Which earned him a smack to the face. "Hey! I didn't *ask* for this!" Scott stamped her foot cutely. "Hmph!" Fury snickered. "Yeah, and I bet Illyria didn't ask for that either. Hm, I wonder if Del had anything to do with it?" He winked. "I will kill her," Illyria vowed solemnly. Fury took a BIG step away from him. "Um, I wouldn't make threats against the Goddess like that if I were you," he said. "I heard that they've sent someone after you." "Where did you hear that?" Dan asked. Fury shrugged. "So what are you doing here, Fury?" Steve asked. "Ah, a little here, a little there. I actually need to deliver a case of these to the company headquarters in Illyria." He pulled out a small device from his jacket. "Nifty, isn't it?" Ardweden took it from him and examined it. "What is it?" "Ah, let me demonstrate." Reaching into another pocket he pulled out a Quadruple Bypass card and swiped it through the device's...uh, swiper thingie. *Level 43.82 BOSS Card. Modifies into one plasma rifle. Modify now?* A green button lit up, which Fury promptly punched. A plasma rifle appeared out of a flash of light and the card disappeared. Kate's eyes got really, really big. "That was a Demota card, wasn't it? Oooh...I wonder what my card modifies into?" She tugged on Fury's sleeve. "Can I have one? Please? Pretty please with sugar on top?" Insert massive group sweatdrop here and then attempts to pry Kate off of Fury. "How about this, Kate? I'll play you a game of Quadruple Bypass for this one," Fury suggested. Dan blinked. "Sure you want to do that, Fury?" "Wai! Too late! He already asked! Let's play, Fury!" Kate cried, pulling out her deck. ***** "And my Lina card beats your Naga! Waiii! The card modifier is MINE!" Kate snatched her newest acquisition from Fury and gloated. Fury's jaw hung open. Steve patted him awkwardly. "Well, we tried to warn you..." Fury nodded mutely. Kate, meanwhile, had pulled out a Kate card and swiped it. *Level 54398 MAIN CHAR card. Modifies into One OWF Guide/Hintbook/Artbook.* "Wow, Kate! Modify it so we can get that last Seal and turn back into normal!" Scott said. The machine beeped. *Level not sufficient to modify. Must be level 423980 to modify.* "WHAT?! Oh no! I need to go leveling?!" Ardweden looked through Kate's deck. "Here, try this card. See if it works." Kate took the card and examined it. "A Delfina card? Okay." She swiped it. *Level 7482973892473 DEITY card. Modifies into Ten Real-Life Irvines.* The machine beeped. *Level not sufficient to modify. Must be level 423789 to modify.* Kate collapsed in a pool of tears. She was faintly mumbling the phrase, "...Irvine-sama..." under her breath. Illyria discreetly pried the card modifier from Kate's limp fingers and stowed it away in her trenchcoat. "Heh, forgot to tell her that you have to be a certain level to get the high level cards modified," Fury observed. "Oh well. Will she be all right?" Steve poured a potion into Kate's mouth. "I'm sure she'll be fine. Is there an inn nearby?" "Yeah, just go up the street. It's called 'El Matter of Time'. There's a big tree in front, you can't miss it." He glanced at his watch. "I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to go." He waved and walked down the street, disappearing in the crowd. The party exchanged glances. "Okay, how about we split up? Kate and I will go check on the inn, Dan - you and Illyria can look for some supplies, and Scott and Steve can look for info about the last Seal. Or Brett. Maybe he has the last Seal." Ardweden said. Scott rolled her eyes. "Brett wouldn't be trusted with it. He's working for the Goddesses, remember?" "How can you be sure of that? He just claims to be working for them. Do you really think Ardweden's twin would want to kill her?" Kate exclaimed. The party thought about that for a moment. "Ard, you didn't accidentally take Delfina's Irvine card, did you?" Dan started. "Or maybe eat the last of her ice cream?" Steve ventured. Illyria looked thoughtful, "Did you happen to destroy any of her plushies?" "HEY! My twin wouldn't *kill* me for something like that! Maybe! I don't think so, at least..." Ardweden stomped her foot angrily. Scott sweatdropped. "Well, I hate to break it to you, but Delfina *is* just a tad, you know..." Ardweden raised an eyebrow. "A tad what?" "...violent?" *THWACK* "...ow..." Ardweden glared at Scott as she put her lute away. The rest of the party took a big step back. Steve grabbed Scott's somewhat comatose body and started dragging him away. "Come on, Scott, let's go find your brother." "Right. Let's go, Illyria. Have fun you two!" Dan and Illyria hurried off, leaving Kate and Ardweden alone. "Ah, so, Fury said it was that way, right?" Kate sweatdropped. ***** "I can't believe my own brother would do this to me!" Scott fumed. "I'm going to take this magic wand and --" "Why hello my dear brother," Brett smirked, appearing in front of the pair. "Or should I say, sister?" Steve snatched onto Scott and held on tight, "Think about it before you attack, Scott!" Brett waved his hand. "Oh don't mind me. Please go ahead and attack." "You BET I will! PRETTY SPARKLING LIGHTS OF FURY!" Scott cried, sending pretty sparkling lights in Brett's general direction. (Ten minutes later) "I won't say you're weak. I'll just think it, okay?" Brett grinned. "Now, I do believe I have an appointment with some acquaintances of yours." ***** "Look! They're having a sale on power tools! Think of how powerful I'd be with those, Illyria?" Dan jumped up and down like a little kid at the display at the local mecha shop. Illyria brooded. "Very cute, you two." Illyria pulled out his sword. "You again." Brett bowed. "Yes, me again. Don't worry, I will make this quick and easy." (We'll say...twelve minutes later. And give Illyria a little more credit than Steve.) "You can't win with just your personality." Brett glanced at his watch. "Gotta book it!" ***** Kate pulled out a chrome barstool with a neon pink cushion and sat down. Ardweden sat beside her and examined a menu. Illyria and Dan walked in carrying a few bags. "I think we have enough supplies for now," Dan said, sitting next to Kate and wincing slightly. Illyria, of course, looked perfect. Kate nodded. "Good. We've already checked on the rooms. Do you think Scott and Steve have found out anything about the Seal? Or about Brett?" She paused. "You look as though you were just in a fight." "We were," Dan replied. "Brett showed up." "Odd, we haven't seen him," Ardweden remarked. "I wonder if the other two ran into him?" "We'll know soon enough," Illyria replied, pointing at the door where the somewhat the worse-for-wear pair of Scott and Steve crawled in. ***** "Well? Did you...delay them?" "Yes, Phoebe-kami-sama." Brett was standing at attention in front of three out of four OWFian deities. Phoebe grinned. "Phoebe-kami-sama has such a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" "So does Todd-kami-sama." Todd examined a piece of paper. "Okay, looks like this report checks out. I'm going to have to go kill Xelloss sometime soon. His very existence irks me." Stephica peered at Brett. "You had better not mess up or you will suffer a pain worse than death." Brett shuddered. "Yes, you've made that graphically clear to me, Stephica-kami-sama." "You haven't hurt Ard, have you?" Phoebe asked. "Uh, not really." He gulped. "I mean, she recovers fast, and she did attack me first..." "Hm. We'll let that slide this time," Todd said. "Don't mess up. Now go." ***** "I am going to hurt him! Really! I am!" Scott muttered. "Of course you are, Scott! But first, we need a plan or something." Kate said. "What are Brett's weaknesses?" "Uh...I'm just making a guess here, but, KoF?" Dan ventured. Kate snapped her fingers. "Right! And he's in love with Kasumi!" "very interesting," Steve mused. "Now if we could trick him by dressing up one of the girls like Kasumi..." Everyone looked at Scott. "....No! No no no no!" Scott cried. ***** "Why didn't you beat them up when you had the chance, Fury?" "Those weren't my orders, Brett." ColdFury flipped through a magazine. "Have you destroyed them yet?" Brett adjusted his black baseball cap. "Bah. It'll be easy. I've already defeated four out of six. If Kate weren't with Ard I could have gotten her too." Fury laughed. "Yeah, yeah. I bet they get you in some ridiculously transparent plan before the end of this episode." There was a faint cracking sound. Fury coughed. "I mean, this day." "So what is your rank anyways? You're not a dark general or something, and you weren't hired to destroy them..." "I do whatever Delfina tells me to do. I'm her personal slave." "...I'm sorry." "Shh! Don't let her hear you!" ***** "...I can't believe I'm doing this." "Aww, but you look so cute, Steve!" Scott squealed. "You look just like Kasumi! Brett'll never know the difference!" "Well, he looks enough like Kasumi to get past a cursory check, but Brett's *that* stupid," Dan pointed out. "We just need him distracted long enough for us to put him out." Ardweden and Kate put a few final touches on Steve's costume then stood back to examine their handiwork. "I'm rather proud of it," Kate said. "Me too! We did a good job!" Ardweden agreed. "Hello, you happy Destined Heroes! Are all of you ready to be annihilated?" Brett folded his arms and looked at the group. Then he blinked. "Why, are you...Kasumi Todoh?" He pulled out an autograph book. "I'm one of your biggest fans! Here - could you just - wait...I don't believe --" *BONK* Scott, Kate, Dan, Illyria and Ardweden put their weapons down. Scott gloated over Brett's prone body. "You should have expected that. I know I did." "Finally, he's down for the count." Ardweden noted. "Should we tie him up or something?" Kate asked. "That won't be necessary, I'll take him." Fury walked onto the scene and picked Brett up. "What are you doing here, Fury?" Scott demanded. "He's my brother, and we beat him up." "Yes, but he's property of the Goddesses now," Fury said. "And I'm the courier boy. See ya." Waving, he disappeared into the crowd again. "Where did that crowd come from all of a sudden?" Steve wondered. "Anyways, get me out of this outfit!" ***** "But kami-samas!" Brett pleaded. ColdFury yawned. "So torture him already." "Hm. What to do...what would hurt you the most...? I know! No KoF for you for the next month!" Stephica frowned at Brett. "Next time..." Phoebe nodded. "Right! You didn't destroy the Destined Heroes! We're taking away your Dreamcast!" "Nooo! Anything but that!" Brett wailed. "Ooh, chicken nuggets. Come on ladies, Fury and Brett, lunch is served." Todd waved the waiter-bishounen over. Phoebe took a seat. "Wow, we got a lot of air time this episode." Stephica nodded. "No kidding. Must be because --" *CRACK* ***** Author's Note: Blah. Thanks to Sharyna and Black Cat for last-minute prereading services.