It is the audience hall once again. There is little light, and all that can be readily seen is the curtain, a dim red shape at the front of the hall. The seats are dark, and all that can be seen amongst them are occasional head-shaped patches of shadow. There is a low muttering, an occasional giggle, and the faint rustling of popcorn and snacks being unwrapped. A bored patron throws popcorn at the curtain and is quickly hustled out of there by lightly armed Security guards. Before the interested gaze of all the unseen eyes, the guards feel awkward. "Sorry about this," they mutter, and quickly hurry from the hall, the once bored but now scared patron between them. And then a fanfare rings out. It is heavy on the trumpets and cymbals, with the booming of several hundred bass drums underscoring it all. It is loud, louder than a single orchestra can manage, louder than a herd of elephants in an echo canyon being chased by a Boeing 747, louder than a thousand volcanoes erupting at once while a school of meteorites crash into each other in the upper atmosphere, louder even than the Voice of God trying to make itself heard over the rock concert at the End of Time. Alright, perhaps not that loud, but let it be said that this fanfare is louder than normal. It easily accomplishes its main purpose, which is to catch the attention of the audience and tell them to shut the hell up. That achieved, the hidden orchestras quieten down, to a light excited trilling of flutes and oboes and a lone tuba in the background. A voice speaks, amplified to many times normal. "Ladies and gentlemen!" is what it yells. "It is time! Time for the last fun-filled chapter of the ultimate, the greatest, the biggest spectacle in self-insertion improvisational fantasy fanfiction, live, from the world of Bludgeons and Flagons! Ladies and gentlemen, are you ready?" The audience responds enthusiastically and loudly. The music builds, with hundreds of violins and drummers joining in. The voice somehow manages to stay heard above the din. "I said, are you READY?" The audience responds even more enthusiastically and loudly. "Then let us present... ========================================================== Otaku Wish Fulfilment Theater Started by Scott Schimmel Chapter 39: To leave or not to leave... that, and the end of our tale By Steven Scougall ========================================================== SCENE: The curtain rises, and lights illuminate the stage. KATE, Illyria, ARDWEDEN, DAN, SCOTT, and STEVE, in SD mode, are standing at the front of the stage. Behind OUR HEROES is a classroom, of sorts, with a blackboard and screen at the back, and desks and chairs in neat rows. There is a projector in the middle of the desks. Sitting next to it is their mascot DAMIEN, also in SD mode, and sorting through a stack of slides. KATE: Hi everybody! Welcome to the final part of our quest! [DAMIEN and the rest of OUR HEROES wave to the audience, both those in the seats and those on the other side of the FOURTH WALL.] KATE: And it's time for our last recap ever! STEVE: But we had one just last chapter. [KATE hits him with a mallet. Oddly, there is the word "OKAY!" on the side of it. STEVE, understandably, collapses into a twitching heap.] KATE: (Big bright smile at the audience) Because it's the last chapter, and there's been more than a month since the previous chapter, I decided that we'd need a recap. STEVE: Pretty birdies... save the whales, please protect my whales, birdies... [The rest of OUR HEROES wave one last time, then turn and sit down. STEVE stays where he is, mumbling incoherently. KATE picks him up and drops him into his chair, then walks up to the back of the stage.] KATE: Now, where we last left the story, we'd all thought that Steve was the traitor! For the Battery Seal was in his backpack. [The projector lights up and a scene of Xelloss holding Steve's bag upside down is shown. From the bag is pouring a whole Heap O' Stuff. KATE presses a button and the next slide is shown: Steve's bag, obviously empty, with a three month old orange and the Battery Seal the last things to fall from it.] KATE: As you can see, with that three month old orange, he probably didn't even know it was there. ARDWEDEN: Which still doesn't change the fact that he had a three month old orange in his backpack. How could he stand the smell when he opened the bag? STEVE: I thought it was just the garlic. [The rest of OUR HEROES look at him, "you're odder than we thought" looks on their faces.] DAN: *Garlic*, Steve? You keep *garlic* in your bag? STEVE: Hey, it's always kept the vampires out! SCOTT: Steve, why would vampires even want *in* to your bag? It's mainly got clothes in it. STEVE: It pays to be paranoid and safe, I always say. [A piece of chalk bounces off STEVE's head.] KATE: Would you pay attention to the recap please, guys? Or will I have to break out the Potato Cannon? [OUR HEROES grumble but quieten down, and turn their attention back to KATE.] KATE: Understandably, when Xelloss said the Seal was in Steve's bag, we were a little bit miffed that Steve seemed to have had it all this time, and thought he was the traitor! [She presses a button and the next slide is shown. OUR HEROES are fighting STEVE, with XELLOSS in the background and smiling widely at the carnage. STEVE is trying not to get killed.] KATE: Steve then showed us that his allegiance is still to us, by throwing the Seals to safety! [A new slide is shown, showing, you guessed it, STEVE throwing the Seals to safety.] [A jarring, ominous chord strikes out!] KATE: But in all the confusion, Illyria accidentally cut Steve's leg off! Illyria: I did not. I cut merely a third of the way through it. STEVE: (Winces) Still hurt like hell. Illyria: Sorry. DAMIEN: And thanks to the curative powers of my down, it's healed anyway. STEVE: (Prodding at the bandage on her leg) So why the bandage? ARDWEDEN: Because bandages are traditional, and it still hurt when you stood up, remember? STEVE: Oh yeah, that. KATE: (Looks at her watch) Please stop interrupting, we're almost out of time already. Anyway! Also in all the confusion, Xelloss might have escaped! Which is bad, because we have to take his soul back to the goddess Delfina. And while we now have all the Seals, we still need to find an altar of some sort, as Ash told us back in the beginning. [A series of slides showing Ash explaining the quest at the beginning of the story is shown.] KATE: Only, we don't know where the Altar is, or even what its name is! So this could be quite hard! We might have to spend quite some time looking for it! (Oddly, or perhaps not so oddly, she doesn't look too displeased about this.) SCOTT: Wai. (She does look displeased with this.) KATE: And now, to the action, where we've just checked into an inn in the city of Delfi and are resting up and eating and doing general inn-type things... ;_; ========================================== Part 1 - To meander or not to meander... that, and where do we go next? ========================================== "...man, you guys sure did a number on me," said Steve. She prodded at the bandage around her left thigh and winced. "You *did* seem to be the traitor," Scott pointed out. "You once did too," Dan reminded Scott. "Don't remind me," said Scott. "I think we all have, at one point or another," said Kate. "I don't think anyone nearly cut someone's leg off because of it, though," said Steve. "..." Illyria said, quite emphatically. "I know, Illyria," said Steve wearily. Illyria had been saying that quite a lot the past couple of hours. "Apology accepted. Again." Illyria nodded, and looked morosely at his drink. "You seem really concerned about that," said Scott. "But you're healing nicely - you actually walked here. Aren't you more concerned with the way you seem to be stuck as a female again?" "Eh, whatever," said Steve with a dismissive wave of her hand. "It's happened a couple of times earlier. I was kinda expecting it to happen again, in a cynical, pessimistic kind of way." "But aren't you interested in why, so you can change back later?" Steve took a long draught of water, then set her empty glass down. "I'm guessing that either the Magical Girl component of the multi-mimicry overwrote my base form again, or my system is keeping me like this until my leg fully heals. We can't have muscles shifting around and changing shape inside my leg while they're trying to heal, after all. Or maybe it's both, or perhaps even some other reason. You never know." "You sound like you don't care," said Scott. "I'm more concerned with the quest, and the possibility of me dying," said Steve. "We've got all the Seals now, and all we need to find is some Altar somewhere, and then bang, our quest is done. Supposedly. If I'm going to be dying a dramatic Sidekick death anytime, it's going to be very soon. The shape I'm in when it happens doesn't concern me all that much." "But haven't you died once already, back in New Hamsterdam?" asked Dan. "You said you were fighting that weird guy in black, and he stabbed you clean through." "If I died, I obviously got better. And you guys weren't around to be galvanised into action by my valiant last words. So I'm not sure that counted." Steve looked morosely at her empty glass. "This water isn't helping me any," she muttered. "Barkeep! Do you have anything really alcoholic?" "What?" asked Kate. "We gots apple cider, missy," was the response. "Got special wooden mugs for it too." "Special wooden mugs?" Steve asked. "Yeah, 'cos of what it does to metal." "Steve?" asked Kate. "Which is?" "Goes right through it," said the barman. "You wants it or not?" "Steve!" "Yeah," said Steve. "Coming right up," said the barman. Kate grabbed Steve by the shoulders and whirled the purple haired girl around. "Steve, have you gone insane? You *never* drink! You haven't touched anything alcoholic the entire time we've been here!" Steve shifted uncomfortably, unable to look Kate in the eye. "With everything that's going on, I feel like starting." A wooden mug was plonked down in front of Steve. Steam was rising from the frothy liquid inside it. A few drops landed on the table, sizzling, and turned the wood an odd shade of orange. Steve stared at it a moment, then took an experimental swig. "Hnnnnnnng," she commented, and placed the mug back down. "Huh?" Steve tried again. "'f thrs froooot 'n 't..." She paused, took a deep breath, and tried yet again. "If there's fruit in that, you can't taste it." "Takes most people like that," said the barman. "But it's good stuff. Puts hair on your chest! ...not that you want hair on yours, missy," he added sheepishly, going red behind his mustache, and quickly hurried away. Ardweden froze, her glass halfway to her mouth. "Did he just..." "Steve, I think he just complimented you on your... your... er, your figure," said Dan, going red himself. Steve buried her face in her hands while Kate and Ardweden snickered. Illyria actually grinned. It didn't last for very long, but it was a grin nonetheless. As for Scott... "Hey! Nobody's ever complimented ME on my... er... did I just say *that*?" asked Scott, and put her face in her hands too. Steve, hands still covering her face, started shaking in silent laughter. "Jealous?" asked Kate. "Oh god," moaned Scott, her voice muffled through her fingers. "I'll be throwing myself at men next. We have GOT to get out of here." Illyria cleared his throat. "Is now a bad time to talk about that?" he asked. Everyone stared. "You actually *spoke*," said Dan. "Of course I spoke. Even the brooding bishounen needs to, occasionally," said Illyria, with less emotion than that in a typical rock. "I suggest we talk about what we do next." Having used up his word quota for the scene, he leant back in his chair. "We need to find this Altar!" said Scott. "Only then can we use the Seals and go back home!" "What we need to do," said Ardweden, waving a misty orb, "is go back to Delfina's shrine, see if Xelloss is back in this or not, and if not, apologise." "We do," sighed Steve. "We did promise to bring him back, after all." "Will apologising be enough?" asked Kate. "Probably not," said Ardweden. "Darn right," said a female voice from midair. "Tsuin-chan!" said Ardweden happily. "How are you?" "Slightly annoyed. Did you really lose Xelloss?" "We might have done," said Steve. "I had him contained, but to put him back in the orb I needed to drop the containment field. I might not have been fast enough, though, and he might have escaped after the containment field went down. We can't tell." "And after you promised you'd bring him back," the voice accused. "If he got away," said Dan, "then we'll find him and bring him back. Won't we, guys?" Everybody agreed. "Well, that's slightly better," said Delfina's voice. "But still, you lost one of my prized bishounen." "Looks like we'll have to go bishounen hunting again," said Steve, and sighed. "Sounds like a good idea to me," said Delfina's voice happily, and then faded in a manner suggesting it had left for another conversation to jump into. The barman stared. "That... that was the Goddess Delfina's voice! She spoke to you!" "Yeah, she does that occasionally," said Ardweden. "Why shouldn't she talk to her twin?" "I'm not worthy!" screamed the barman, and started kowtowing in Ardweden's direction. "I'm not worthy!" ;_; The next morning dawned bright and early, as mornings tend to do. Not long after, the Destined Heroes arrived at the Bishounen Catching Grounds. Kate and Ardweden looked wistfully at the wild bishounen frolicking - or brooding, depending on their nature - across the fields, as if they hadn't a care in the world. Which they probably didn't. They generally weren't smart enough to have cares. "How long will we have here?" asked Kate. "Ard, you know your twin best," said Dan. "How many should we take if Xelloss isn't in that orb?" "As many as we can get, and even then I'm not sure that's enough," said Ardweden. "I guess we're here almost all day then," said Dan, and sighed. "Wai!" said Kate and Ardweden, and Illyria nodded almost enthusiastically. "Wai," Scott said sarcastically. Steve just sighed and checked the party's money situation. "We have enough gil for fifteen collars," she announced. "Okay," said Dan. "Here's what we'll do. Kate, Ard, Illyria and Damien, you get those collars and stay here and catch." And watch, I suppose, he thought, but decided not to say that aloud. "Steve, Scott and I will go out fighting to collect money, and check back in every half hour or so." "Sounds good to me," said Kate. "Let's do it," said Ardweden. "Don't I even get a say in it?" asked Damien. "Your plumage attracts them, remember?" asked Dan. "We need you here." ;_; And so it went. Dan, Scott and Steve passed most of the day fighting monsters. Well, Dan and Scott did. Steve's attacks, in either Magical Girl or Mecha form, were only powerful enough to annoy the high-level monsters and make them angry. Eventually Steve stopped fighting and started carrying money back to Kate, Illyria, and Ardweden, leaving Dan and Scott more time to fight monsters. Steve wished she was still a Chemist. She'd been more useful back then. For their part, Kate, Ardweden, and Illyria enthusiastically caught more and more bishounen. Damien was supposedly helping them, but was really just sitting right next to the fence and grumbling. The bishounen flocked to his plumage like moths to a flame; he didn't actually have to do anything apart from sit in one place and get bored. It quickly became routine, but there were occasional highlights to the day: ;_; "It's been almost ten minutes!" complained Dan. "And we still haven't had a random encounter!" "They can hardly be random if they happen regularly," Steve pointed out. "You know what I mean, Steve. In some RPGs you can hardly walk five steps without having a random encounter. It's damn annoying, but it'd be useful right about now." "I'm gonna throw you helluva far!" Dan, Steve, and Scott blinked. That didn't sound like any of them. In fact, it sounded like- Mr. E. picked Steve up and threw her helluva far - well, he tried to, but a tree got in the way. "Ow," commented Steve, and collapsed in a little heap of localised pain. Scott looked at Mr. E's gold chains with interest. "How many collars do you think those chains are worth?" "More collars than he's got chains, I bet," said Dan. "That is, if they're real gold." "Of course they are! But you ain't getting your hands on 'em! I'm here and gonna fight you!" said Mr. E. "Because I bet you don't do your teeth, you don't wash your drugs and you don't brush your hair!" "*What* are you talking about?" asked Dan, and fired a flamethrower at Mr. E. "He's been hit on the head too many times," commented Scott, before going on to say "YELLOW LOVE-LOVE HEART ME CHAINGUN ATTACK!" Thousands of yellow love hearts burst from Scott's fingers like bullets from a chaingun, and made Mr. E sneeze. In response, Mr. E powerposed, and the sunlight reflected off his head and chains became blinding. While Scott and Dan were staggering around saying "Ow ow my eyes", Mr. E picked Dan up and threw him helluva far. Or, at least, tried to, but a tree got in the way again. They tend to do that when you're in the middle of a forest. The fight was well and truly on. It was also quick, short, and tough on both sides, for Mr. E had obviously levelled up since they last fought him. But Scott and Dan eventually won out, thanks to a combination of Scott's Pink Wai Ex Crush Flasher acting as a distraction and Dan's big guns finishing their adversary off. Well, knocking him out, at least. "Let's get his chains and hightail it back to the Grounds," said Scott. They did so, Dan picking up the unconscious Steve along the way. ;_; "Ooh, another Irvine lookalike!" said Kate. "Seems to be quite a few," said Illyria. "A very *good* lookalike, too," said Kate. Illyria nodded. Ardweden shuffled through the cards until she found the bishounen's card. And blinked. "You two are *so* not going to believe this." "We aren't?" asked Kate. Ardweden wordlessly handed the card she'd found over, and Kate nearly fainted with excitement. It was an Irvine Kinneas card. "That *is* interesting," said Illyria, his eyebrow arching in obvious interest. "We've GOT to catch him!" said Kate. "And can we keep him instead of giving him to Delfina?" "WHAT?" asked a female voice from mid-air. "How could you?" "You know me when it comes to Irvine," said Kate dreamily, and her glasses fogged up. Illyria nodded. "But where would we keep him?" asked Ardweden. "Details, details," said Kate. "I'm sure we could work something out!" ;_; It was many hours later. The sun was half hidden behind the distant mountains on the horizon, and red tinged everything. There were light clouds, made pink in the evening sky's light. Kate looked at the sunset wistfully, momentarily ignoring the large crowd of caught bishounen behind her. "Such a beautiful place..." she said. Scott walked up beside her. "Yeah," she said. "But dangerous, too." "I just don't understand why you and the others are so keen to leave," Kate admitted. "What do we have back at home? I mean, really, compared to this place?" "A life that's real," Scott said carefully. "Who we really are. I've thought about this a lot lately. I mean, normally Illyria talks a lot more than she currently does. Steve isn't as pessimistic. I'm not so whiny. Dan isn't as callous and disregarding. We've *changed* while we're here, Kate, and not for the better. In some of us - like me for instance, it's been obvious. But in others, it hasn't been..." Scott sighed, then gave a small grin. "But cheer up, it's certainly been an adventure." "And me?" "What about you?" asked Scott. "What's happened to me while I'm here?" "I... I don't want to say," said Scott nervously. "I'm sure you can tell me," said Kate. "I... I... I can't. I'm sorry," said Scott, backing away. "Tell me!" asked Kate. Scott looked at her - was that anguish? Or concern? For who? Her? Why? Kate wasn't sure. Then Scott turned and ran. "What was *that* about?" Kate wondered. ;_; The sun was going down, and the guards were glad. It had been a long day, and the Goddess had not been in the best of moods for some reason. But whenever the Oracle asked why, the Goddess merely said "family matters, I guess," and sulked. Her sour feeling permeated the shrine of Delfi, and the guards, normally devout followers of the goddess, couldn't wait until they could go back to their homes. Even the Goddess has her off days, thought the guards. "Next!" they shouted, and the next visiting party stepped up to the gateway. Seeing the size of the group, the gaurds blinked. At the lead were the six Destined Heroes. Beside them was their Mascot. Off to the other side was the Bishounen Seal, looking with fascination at a fly on the wall. Behind them was a teeming crowd of incredibly pretty boys, either brooding or frolicking as best they could in a confined crowd. "Uh..." said one of the guards, "but you're bringing *all* of them to the Goddess?" "Yes," said the one with the big red belt buckle. "What did you *do*?" blurted the other guard. "We've never seen an offering this large! Did you lose something of hers?" "We didn't mean to!" said the one with the green bandanna. "Go on through," said the first guard. "May she have mercy on you," said the other. Once the group had passed through, the guards shared a Look. "It is, after all, the end of the day, Phil," said one. "Only a couple minutes more," agreed the other. "I'm sure nobody would mind if we left earlier." "Good thinking," said the first. The guards hastily locked up. After all, they reasoned, the Goddess probably wasn't going to be letting the Destined Heroes leave anytime soon. ;_; "I'm going to have to do something about those guards," said Delfina's voice. "Excuse me?" asked Robin, the Oracle. "They've just left, locking the gate and everything. It's not as if I'm going to get hugely upset at Tsuin-chan and the others for losing Xelloss." Robin just sat there. He would have stared impassively at Delfina if she was present, but she wasn't, so he sat there looking impassively in the general direction her voice was coming from. It meant he was looking through the window at a particularly ugly sacrificial scene in the next door temple, but that's what you get when you are the Oracle of a goddess that spends more time with other deities than at her own shrine. "Oh, alright," said Delfina's voice, "perhaps just a little." "A little what?" asked Steve, as the group entered. "My goodness," said Delfina's voice with no hint of surprise, "what a large crowd of bishounen. And the Irvine lookalike too." "Yes," said Dan. "Kate eventually realised that we can't afford another mouth to feed and someone to keep out of danger when we wind up in a battle." Kate just sulked. "Anyway," said Dan, "here's the orb that Xelloss may or may not be in." He pulled the orb out of his pants pocket and held it forward. "And here's the disk with that program on it." Robin took both and examined the orb carefully, then sighed. "He's not in here," he announced. "Damn," said Scott. "We probably need to find and fight him anyway, but we will of course look for Xelloss and bring him back," said Dan. "That's good," said Delfina's voice. "See that you do." ;_; The Destined Heroes plus Mascot and Bishounen Seal were walking back to the inn. "What now?" asked Ardweden. "We find this altar. And, whether he's the main bad guy or just a sub-boss, no doubt we'll have to fight Xelloss before we do," said Kate. "It's the way these things happen. We can capture him them." "But how do we find it?" asked Steve. "All we know is that there's an altar somewhere that we have to put the Seals on to go back home. We don't know where it is, we can't even remember what it's called! So how are we going to find it?" "We'll find a way," said Illyria. "But how?" persisted Steve. "Steve, shut up," said Scott. "It's usually obvious where you have to go." Steve tried very hard not to get upset. "Alright, so this place operates a lot like console RPGs, but what if, just this once, it doesn't?" "Then we'll worry about that later," said Dan. "Look, Steve, I know you're worried, and I can sympathise with you, but you're getting needlessly worked up. Plus, it's late. It would be far better to get a good night's rest and worry about what to do next tomorrow morning." "Oh all right," grumbled Steve. ;_; The next morning dawned bright and slightly cloudy. But the sky was still mostly blue and cheery, and nobody worried about it too much. Except for Steve, of course. "It's a sign," she muttered. "The gathering clouds of doubt and danger, signifying a new and uncertain part of our quest." "Give it a rest, Steve," said Scott. "It's too early in the morning to be casting doom over our quest." "At least let us finish breakfast before worrying," said Ardweden, and took a bite of toast. Steve grumbled, but returned her attention to her breakfast. After breakfast they puzzled over what to do next. "Usually when you're wondering what to do next and you're close to the end and there seems to be no obvious place to go," said Dan, "you just go back to where you started. There's usually some big imposing castle or building or whatever that's where you have to go next." Illyria nodded. "That would be the kingdom of Illyria," said Steve. "Please don't use that name," Illyria grumbled. "Still not over the place having the same name as you?" asked Kate. "No," Illyria admitted. "So, let's go back to Illyria," said Dan. He ignored Illyria's grumbling about the misappropriation of his name by a fantasy kingdom as it wasn't anything he hadn't heard several hundred times already. "Whoa whoa, hold on, wait a second," said Steve. He waved in the direction of the door and windows, indicating the streets outside the inn. "Shouldn't we go out there and talk to people, and see if they know anything about where we have to go?" "And ask, 'excuse me, but do you know where this altar thingy that I don't know anything about is located?'" said Ardweden. "That'll never work." "Well, maybe not, but maybe they've heard something that would be useful. And also, an altar suggests a shrine or temple, and this is a town based around a shrine to Delfina, so maybe they know of other shrines and temples, even it's just where to aim the catapaults," said Steve. "That's damn cynical even for you," said Dan. Steve had the grace to look embarassed. "I guess... But also, to use the RPG analogy, just going out and talking to people usually gives some hints and stuff." "What, like talking to people and finding the Handmaid of the Squire of the Scout of the Outrider of the Knight of the Templar of the Champion of the Bishop of the Prophet of the God of Plot Development or somesuch, and she helps you out?" asked Damien. "Yeah," said Steve. "Something like that." "I have a *much* better idea!" said Kate brightly. "Yes?" asked Illyria. Kate took out the world map and spread it over the tabletop. It was about three quarters full, and some of the filled out areas were light on detail. It was the one they'd received from Saikyokun a couple of chapters past, and thus had a few extra things on it they didn't know about, but nothing immediately presented itself. Kate stared at it a second. "There's too many places we haven't been," she said. "Oh well..." Kate closed her eyes and pointed to a location at random. It turned out to be Illyria. "Let's go to Illyria!" Kate suggested. "Wonderful," said Steve, and stood up. "I'm going out to talk to townsfolk. Surely someone knows something useful." "Wait, I'll come along," said Damien. ;_; It was an hour or so later. Steve and Damien were still out in the streets of Delfi. Kate and Illyria were sitting around in the dining room feeling bored. Dan was also sitting in the dining room, but instead of boring bored was trying to work out how to get the powerup from his Battery Seal. The Bishounen Seal was making shadow animals on the walls, and hadn't got past Deformed Rabbit yet. As for Scott and Ardweden... Ardweden was looking for Scott and found the magical girl sitting in the middle of her room. The party's inventory lying in an utterly chaotic heap around her. Once they had been in orgainsed stacks and piles around her, but as she added more and more, they had collapsed and become one giant mess. Now Scott was carefully sorting through the mess. "Scott," asked Ardweden, "*what* are you doing?" "What does it look like I'm doing?" asked Scott. "I'm going through our inventory." "But *why*?" Scott waved her arm vaguely around her, indicating the huge morass of items. "Just look at all this, Ard. We've amassed so much junk we don't know what half of it is anymore." Scott held up three startlingly purple tree leaves. "Can you remember where we picked these up or what they do? I sure can't." Ardweden couldn't remember either. "I can't remember either," she said. "Mind if I help?" "Not at all." ;_; Dan leaned back in his chair, defeated for the moment. He regarded his Battery Seal critically, trying to work out how he was supposed to get his powerup from it. So far he'd checked every square inch of his mecha suit, looking for any obvious compartments the Seal would be able to fit into. There hadn't been any. Then he'd looked for unobvious locations, and pressed what felt like every single button on this mecha suit. There were indeed many many buttons, and none of them had helped. He didn't even want to contemplate the possibility that he might have to press several buttons in sequence. There had to be thousands of possible combinations. Damn. He had just contemplated it. "This is not working!" he complained. "What isn't?" asked Kate. "I just cannot work out how on earth to get this Seal's powerup!" Dan stared at the Battery Seal angrily. Kate looked at it too. With not much else to look at, Illyria looked at the Seal as well. "Look at the dog!" said the Bishounen Seal happily. "I finally got it right!" They looked. It still looked like a deformed rabbit. They looked back at the Battery Seal. "Maybe you shouldn't be in your outfit," Illyria suggested. Dan made a face. "Never thought of that. Mind you, the power's running low. I'll just switch it off." He did, and picked up the Battery Seal. "Seal, power me up!" he thought. Nothing happened. "Damn," he said. Then he realised that from the direction of his belt there was the noise of... a printer? He looked down and saw a thin piece of paper extruding from the side of his belt buckle. Disbelieving, he pulled the piece of paper free and laid it flat on the tabletop. "'Not in here'," Kate read. "'The place is too small'," Dan continued. "'Go outside, you lugan'," Illyria said. Kate finished off. "'P.S. You really need to apply lotion to-'" "Hey!" Dan protested, and snatched the piece of paper from the tabletop and crushed it within his grip within 0.25 seconds. "Well, it's something," said Illyria. "Yeah," said Dan. "I'll just go outside and try again." "We'll come too," said Kate. "Anything's better than sitting around bored waiting for Steve and Damien to come back." ;_; Imagine one of the main streets of Delfi. It's paved and has an even surface, and carts are trundling along it all hours of the day and most of the night. The clop-clop-clop of horses' hooves ring out, but are smothered by the chatter and bustle and sounds of commerce that fill the city. And through this urban bustle and chaos walked Steve and Damien. They weren't doing well so far. They'd spoken to a butcher, a man out for a jog, a woman aimlessly walking around a fountain whose conversational options seemed limited to "Welcome to Delfi!" and "Lovely fountain, isn't it?", a wandering minstrl who wanted to sing about their legends, an old man who kept laughing in a weird way, and many *many* people who said things along the lines of "Sorry, I have no time to speak to you right now." The most the two had found out was that Dark Times were afoot, and that was from a small dog who couldn't even speak but did have a sign slung on its side. "This isn't quite turning out how I wanted it to," sighed Steve. "We haven't found anyone particularly helpful yet," agreed Damien. They spied a woman in the distance. She was stunningly beautiful and wearing clothes a cut above the rest, instantly making her stand out. Instead of walking in straight lines like many of the other people, she was actually wandering through the street, looking at stalls with obvious interest and starting up conversations with other people. "Maybe she'll be better than the others," Damien said hopefully. "Damien? What are you doing here? And who are you, miss?" said a new voice from behind them. It sounded familiar. The two turned and saw an Asian looking man wearing a polo shirt, jeans, and glasses - they instantly recognised him as Mark Poa, last seen in Markstown thirty chapters ago. "Mark Poa?" asked Steve, her cynicism disappearing like the morning dew in the middle of a desert during dawn. Not that there would be much morning dew in the middle of a desert, true, but if there was some then it would disappear as quickly as Steve's cynicism did. Yes, that is a circular metaphor. Please ignore it. "Yes. Excuse me, do I know you-" Mark looked closer - specifically, at Steve's hair - and did a double-take. "Hey, wait a second, that messy purple hair... Are you Steve?" "The hair always gives me away, doesn't it?" Steve asked ruefully. "What happened?" "Not entirely sure yet. This seems to happen from time to time when I emulate Scott." "Oh." Mark still looked confused. "To answer your earlier question, we're looking for Clues," said Damien. "Clues? To what?" asked Mark, who wasn't feeling any less confused. "I can't remember if we told you this, but most of the time we've been here," said Steve, "we've been looking for these Seals of Maguffin. We've actually found them all now, but what we forgot is that we need to find some altar somewhere and put the Seals on it in order to go back home. We've been going around asking people if they know of any altars or just weird stuff they might have heard of." "Oh," said Mark. "Unfortunately I can't help you there. I don't know much anything about any altars, especially ones you have to put seals on." "Figures," said Damien. "But when it comes to weird stuff, I can tell you that Dark Times are afoot," said Mark. "We'd already heard that," said Damien, and pointed out the small dog. It was conveniently trotting along only a few metres away, and on its side was a small sign saying "Dark Times are afoot! Nyahahar!" "Oh," said Mark, blinking. "But they're definitely afoot. There's been a whole lot more monsters roaming around lately, usually coming from the direction of Illyria. There were so many of them, in fact, that everyone in Markstown decided to come to Delfi. It's safer here." He looked downcast. "Not everyone made it, though... My good friend Mark, and his brother Mark, and the girl Mark I had my eye on -" "A girl Mark?" asked Damien, weirded out. "She was a pretty cute redhead," said Mark, his eyes misting over for a moment. Then he continued. "Them, countless others... they were killed in monster attacks on the way here. Only half of us made it." "Sorry to hear that, Mark," said Steve, and patted Mark on the shoulder. "I'm over the worst of it," said Mark, "but still... to think Mark's gone..." Mark might have been over the worst of it, but was still pretty shaken up. He sat down on a nearby bench. Eventually they got around to talking about Dark Times again. "Lots more monsters, you say?" asked Steve. "Yeah," said Mark. "Very strong and powerful ones, too." "It must be Xelloss," said Damien. "He must be gearing up to some final push, some final attack..." "If he is," said Mark, "then give him hell for me and everyone else in Markstown." ;_; Dan walked outside, stood in the middle of the street, and tried issuing the mental command again. Again, nothing happened. He sighed and checked his belt buckle, and, yes, there was a piece of paper printing out once again. "'Still too cramped, you lugan. Try outside the city'," he read. "Outside the city?" asked Kate, interested. "Too far for me," said Illyria. "I'll be back inside." ;_; The chaotic heap of stuff had been reduced slightly, and there were organised piles of items lying on the beds. But Scott and Ardweden were feeling disheartened. There was a pile of items they had no idea about in one corner of the room, and it was undoubtedly the largest of the lot. Scott picked up a branch with a gold leaf on it and examined it critically. She tried waving it around a bit, to see if there was some magic to it, but nothing happened. She asked Ardweden about it, and she couldn't remember what it was either. With a sigh, Scott threw it on the "We have no frigging idea what this is" pile. "This isn't working out, is it?" asked Scott. "I mean, just *look* at the size of that pile." "Hey, Scott." "We might as well just give up." "Scott!" "We might as well consign ourselves to the horrible fate that awaits us in this horrible land," moaned Scott. Ardweden hit her over the head with her lute. "Ow!" complained Scott. "What was that for?" "Just trying to get your attention," said Ardweden. She held a black rock - or stone, rather - up to the light. It had 'Magical Rock' written on the side. "Remember this?" "Now that you mention it, it looks familiar." Ardweden rolled her eyes. "It's one of those three stones that can locate anything, remember? We used them when we were chasing Garett and he'd gone into space." "Oh yeah, now I remember," said Scott. Then Scott did a doubletake. "Hey now! We can use those to find the Altar!" "My thoughts exactly," smirked Ardweden. Scott sifted through the Pile O' Stuff with renewed vigour and found the remaining two stones in no time at all. She held all three in her open palm. "Do you think this will work?" she asked. "We can only hope," said Ardweden. "To the Altar!" said Scott. Nothing happened. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" commented Scott. "Let me try," said Ardweden. She took the stones from the wailing girl's hand and held them in her open palm. She regarded them quizzically for a moment - they felt lighter than they looked - then commanded them. "To the altar we need to go to." A bright white beam slowly arose from the stones and hung in mid-air, twisting this way and that. It seemed to be trying to work out where to go. Finally it rose a little higher, twisted and gyrated in mid-air, and became the words "Somewhere around Illyria is the best we can tell." Scott's tears stopped as she stared in amazement. "That's different from what it did before," she said. "At least we know where to go next," said Ardweden. ;_; Dan stood outside the city gates. A couple of kilometres eastwards were the Bishounen Catching Grounds, but aside from that and the city, there wasn't anything around for miles. "This had better be open enough," he groused. "If it isn't, I'm not sure what would be," said Kate. "Outer space, probably," said Dan. He held up the Battery Seal and gave the mental command again. This time there *wasn't* the sound of the printer. There was a sudden whoosh, and the sound of gears ratcheting and metal falling into place, all very fast. There was a confused moment of sudden height, enclosure, and grayness. At the end of it, he was sitting in a comfortable chair, a huge console in front of him and to his sides and on the walls, at least two control yokes, and a screen taking up the entire wall in front of him. To top it off, there were fluffy dice hanging down in front of the screen. The monitor was currently showing a close up of Kate's face. She was staring upwards, right into the field of view, her eyes wide in surprise. Her mouth moved, and her voice came faintly through speakers hidden somewhere. "Dan? Is that you?" Dan wasn't really listening. He was looking around in amazement and growing delight. This could only be one thing... this had to be a giant robot! Of his very own! Only, he had to look at it from the outside. There had to be a way out. He poked around the console, looking for an "Open Door" button. He didn't find one, but there was a button with a question mark on it. He pressed it. "Yo!" said a pleasant synthesised voice. "I see you finally found an open enough space. Now, what do you want to know?" "How do I open the hatch?" asked Dan. "Press the red button on your left." Dan did so, and there was a very loud *ZAP* sound from somewhere off to his left. There was no sign of any hatchways opening anywhere. "What just happened?" "Huh," said the voice, "it must be the red button on your right." Dan looked, and saw two red buttons on his right. "Which one, voice?" he asked. "You've got *two* red buttons on your right?" "Yes!" said Dan. "What sort of help are you?" "A forgetful one," said the voice. "Or maybe this robot is a newer version. Say, can you see a version number anywhere in that cockpit? Hopefully it's no better than version 8.0.1.2.a(iii)." Dan cursed his luck. ;_; Steve and Damien hadn't had much further luck. Apart from Mark and the small dog, nobody else had been particularly helpful. They'd found a hairdresser supposedly out on a walk but was standing in one location, another fountain with people walking around it, another butcher, someone whose vocubulary was limited to "Try the sausages, they're really good", a shifty man who kept asking if they wanted to change their names, and a cat who seemed intent on following them everywhere. "This isn't working, is it?" asked Damien. "Nope," said Steve, and sighed. "Aha!" said a voice behind them. The Sidekick and the Mascot turned around, and saw a familiar blonde haired girl that looked a bit like a cross between Dan Hibiki and Saikyo Hiruma from the Heart Heart High impro - she was wearing a pink gi and black undershirt, and her blonde curly hair was tied in a low ponytail. "Oh, Saikyo-kun," said Steve. "Hi. How's things?" "Jumpy. There's been a lot more monsters roaming around out there," said Saikyo, waving a hand in the direction of the city gates. "We've heard," said Damien. "Well, there are. Nasty ones, too. What are you two up to? Where's the rest of your party?" "Looking for Clues," said Steve. "I've no idea what the rest of the group is doing. Probably just sitting around and waiting for 'the next Plot Development' to happen," she added, a touch bitterly. "Eh?" "They're happy to just let things happen as they would in your typical console RPG," said Steve. "But that seems dangerous to me. Anyway, we're at a bit of an impasse, and I'm looking for clues." "To what?" "We have to find an altar somewhere," said Damien. "Only, we can't even remember what it's called, which is making things difficult." "Maybe it's the Altar of Purple Kumquats?" Saikyokun said helpfully. "What?" asked a startled Damien and Steve. "Yeah, Altar of Purple Kumquats. I was there just the other day." "No," said Steve. "It definitely *wasn't* Altar of Purple Kumquats. I'd remember if it was called something *that* odd." "Well, what about the Altar of-" There was a bright flash of light coming from behind. As one, the three turned to face the direction it came from. As one, the three then gaped in amazement, for what they saw was nothing other than a giant robot standing outside the city. Details were hard to make out at this distance, but they could still all see the general shape of it. It looked almost more like a monster than a robot; it had batlike wings sprouting from its back and was coloured mainly black, with spots of white here and there. Its eyes were two glowing green dots and there were V-shaped antennae sprouting from its head. "That must be Dan!" said Damien. "Dan in his own giant robot," said Steve. "Appropriate." There was a faint *ZAP* and a beam of energy smashed into the ground three feet away from Saikyo. When the dust cleared there was a large crater and a fine covering of dust over everything. "I think I'll just faint now," Saikyokun said weakly, and did. ;_; With the sort-of help of the voice, Dan had finally opened the hatch. Then he got the robot to kneel down, because there was no way he was going to jump at least forty five feet down to the ground. Now he stood next to Kate, staring with wonder at the robot. "My very own giant robot..." he said, his voice choking up. "Dan?" "I've always wanted one," said Dan wistfully. "It looks kinda scary, actually," said Kate. "What with those bat wings." "And now I've got one of my very own!" "Uh, Dan? You okay?" "I think I'll call it the Dan Robo." "The Dan Robo?" Kate asked weakly. "Yeah," said Dan. "Short, snappy - I like it." ;_; Need it be said what happened next? Oh, all right. Seeing as they had an unconscious guy-turned-girl to carry to safety, Steve and Damien decided to stop bothering with talking to people and carried Saikyo back to the inn. Eventually Kate convinced Dan that a giant robot would draw undue comment. Dan saw the wisdom in this, so switched the giant robot off. It disassembled itself and disappeared in a matter of seconds. Excited with the new powerup, Dan and Kate headed back to the inn. The Destined Heroes met up in the dining room in the inn and discussed what they'd found. All the clues pointed to Illyria, so that was where they decided to go next. ======================================== Part 2 - The Altar or Bust... that, but we're not done yet! ======================================== Back at the beginning of the adventure, the Heroes had walked from Illyria to Delfi. It had been a long tiring walk. But now that Dan had his All- Terrain-Dan mode, going from Delfi to Illyria was much shorter. In just a single section break (mind you, one that spans a subpart boundary, so a slightly longer one than usual), the group crested the final hill and saw below them the capital city of Illyria. When they'd last been there, it had been a large clean city just in front of the castle. Now, though, there didn't seem to be a single building that wasn't missing large parts of its architecture. The missing architecture, in turn, was scattered all over the streets. Often, the stone and timber that had once been part of buildings were lying amidst the wreckage of carts and stalls, though the group couldn't see that from their vantage point. The castle had been worst hit by... whatever it was. It looked all but ruined. As they watched, the last standing tower crumpled and fell to the ground with a bone jarring crash, or at least it would have been bone jarring if they'd been closer. A large cloud of dust was raised by the collapse. Dan detransformed and the group stood there on the top of the hill, looking in amazement at the city. "What on earth happened here?" asked Ardweden. "The guys back in Delfi said that bad stuff was happening in Illyria," said Steve. "I guess this is that bad stuff." "Or at least part of it," said Damien. "Can anyone remember where we started?" asked Ardweden. "Two days walk south of Illyria," said Steve promptly, and pointed at the range of hills to the south of the ruined town. "Beyond those hills there." "Let's go," said Dan. "Shouldn't we check the city?" asked Ardweden. "Of course," said Dan. "Where did you think I meant?" ;_; In addition to being ruined, the capital city of Illyria was abandoned. Extremely quickly abandoned, too; in the more intact houses there were half- eaten plates of food, unlocked doors, and open books hurriedly shoved face down in order to keep the book open to the current page. "I always hate to see a book mistreated like this," said Steve when she saw the first one, and tried to close it. It had been left alone for so long, though, that the spine was permanently bent and the book wouldn't close properly. Depressed, Steve set it back down. "We need to find out what happened here," said Dan. "Kate, if you would?" Kate nodded, raised the half-mask, and blurred into invisibility. She zipped through the town at amazing speed, checking it out, seeing what was what, leaving no stone unturned. It took her ten seconds. "What took you so long?" asked Dan when she returned. "I wanted to be thorough," answered Kate. "The place is completely abandoned. And whatever happened, it must have been on a morning. The half-eaten food is all breakfasty, and there are lots of newspapers lying around, as if people were reading them when whatever happened happened." "A new evil deciding to conquer Illyria after a good night's rest?" asked Scott. "Who knows?" asked Illyria. "What of the castle? Or the temple?" asked Steve. "Completely ruined," said Kate. "Much more so than the rest of the town. And the other thing is that there's no trace of a struggle! It's as if they all stood up and left one morning." "Are there any clues as to who or what did it?" asked Ardweden. "Sort of," said Kate. "I found this at the entrance of the castle." She held out a fist sized rock. On it was inscribed a quick message: "Just a little something to keep you interested in finding me. Love, Xelloss." "That tells us almost nothing," said Scott. "We already know Xelloss is loose, and we don't know exactly what he did here either." "When did it happen?" asked Damien. "If we were in time to see the tower collapse, then it might have been very recently." Steve poked experimentally at a half eaten plate of bacon and fried egg. The egg made a boingsplurt noise. Steve made a face as she drew her slime- covered finger back. "And there was that book that wouldn't close either. It must have been a good long while since whatever it was happened." "There's something else I have to show you," said Kate. "What is it?" asked Ardweden. "It's more a place... follow me." It turned out to be a sign on one side of the city. "Shrine of Plot Structure, 1 day" it said, and helpfully pointed the way. "I don't remember exactly what the Altar we're looking for is called," said Kate, "because it was too long ago when we last heard the name. But this might be what we're looking for. We should at least check it out." Dan looked back at the ruined town. "There was nothing else you found?" he asked Kate. "No." Dan looked downcast. "Damn... we were too late." "We didn't even know we had to get here," said Steve. "We don't even know if anyone here was hurt." "But still, we were too late," said Dan. "No more wasting time. No more subplots. No searching for weapons or upgrades or anything, we're going to this shrine *now*." Everyone, including Kate, agreed. ;_; The sign had said it would take one day to reach the Shrine of Plot Structure, but All-Terrain Dan covered it in just three hours. Nobody spoke - the ruin of Illyria was too fresh in their minds. They looked into the distance. Grim and thoughtful looks were the order of the day, even in the case of the Bishounen Seal. True, he was chewing his hair for the 104th time that day, but he still looked grim, and also nervous. Finally Dan rolled to a stop and said, "We're here." Everyone got out and Dan detransformed, and they stood in front of the Shrine of Plot Structure. The Shrine of Plot Structure was a medium-sized building set at the base of a small mountain, where the plains gave way to forest land. The road they'd been travelling went past the shrine and into the trees. They couldn't actually see the building except for the top of it, as it was surrounded by a tall marble wall. In front of them was a large arch, with a large wooden door set in it. It looked like very thick and hard oak, recently polished. It gleamed. "How do we get in?" asked Ardweden. "Maybe I could fly over the wall and open it from the inside," Damien said helpfully. The door chose this moment to open noiselessly, revealing a wide marble walkway winding through a well-kept garden. In the middle distance they could see part of the building. It was white and gray, of course. "Then again, perhaps not," said Damien nervously. "How did the door open?" asked Ardweden. "Simple," said a new voice. "I opened it." They turned to face the speaker. It was a young man, with an expression that suggested extreme moodiness. What was surprising, though, were the huge black bat wings sprouting from his back. When he spoke, they could see fangs, and his ears were pointed. "What brings you to the Shrine of," started the doorman, then did a doubletake. "Hey wait - Ard? Dan? Kate? Damien? Is that you?" "And Illyria, Steve, and Scott too," said Kate. "And you're Signus Megido?" "It's the wings, isn't it? They always give me away." Signus grinned lazily. "Anyway, I recognise Illyria, but those other two are girls. No way they can be Steve and Scott." "It *is* us," said Scott, and sighed dramatically. "Some lunatic thought it would be funny for me to be a magical girl. And for consistency I'm a girl all the time." "What about her?" asked Signus, indicating Steve. "'It's a long and complicated story'," Steve said. "Ah, I see," said Signus. "It's Steve alright." Illyria and Ard scratched their heads. "I don't get it," said Ardweden. "How come that one line is enough?" "Now *that* really is a long and complicated story," said Kate, and Steve sneezed. "So," said Dan. "Now that we're all introduced and everything, can we come in?" "But-" said Ardweden. "Well, what are you here for?" asked Signus. "-excuse me-" said Ardweden. "We're the Destined Heroes," said Illyria, and posed dramatically. His hair and trenchcoat fluttered in the breeze, even though the day hadn't been windy until two seconds ago. "You'll be here for the Altar of Plot Structure then," said Signus. "-wait a minute-" said Ardweden. "Yeah," said Scott. "That's what it was called!" said Steve, snapping her fingers. "The Altar of Plot Structure!" "-will someone explain-" Ardweden tried. Signus looked over the group and finally at the Bishounen Seal. "Looks like you have all the Seals too," said Signus. "Come right on in." Ardweden gave up and followed the rest of the group through the gateway. She made a mental note to get an explanation out of Steve sometime. Preferably by applying her lute to his head. Violent, her? Nah. Just irritated. ;_; It wasn't much of a section break, as it was only a few seconds later. The group was ambling along the pathway through the garden, admiring the flowers, trees, and rock gardens. The path took its sweet time to get to the front door of the shrine, almost as if some sadistic architect wanted to force visitors to see every inch of the shrine's gardens that a lot of money had been spent on, or perhaps it was a cheap device by an author who wanted a bit of time to fit in some backstory and exposition. Or perhaps it was both. In the middle distance they could see the shrine. It wasn't all that large - one and a half tennis courts could have fit in it, but not much else. It wasn't all that extensively decorated, either. There were few pillars, and a spire, and there some stained glass windows, but they seemed to be there merely because shrines are supposed to have such things. The shrine was quite drab, as shrines go. The Destined Heroes switched their attention back to Signus. He was much more interesting. "So, Signus, how'd you get here?" asked Ardweden. Signus shrugged, making his wings ripple. "I went to sleep one night and woke up here the next morning. The gardener found me, and took me to the head priest guy, who wanted me to stay around as the doorman." "Where is the head priest?" "Oh, he's not here today. He's also the Head Priest at the Shrines of Characterisation, Suspense, Mystery, Conclusions, and Purple Kumquats, and rotates through them during the month." "...purple kumquats?" asked Ardweden. "Yeah, don't ask me why," said Signus. "The old man hasn't ever explained it, even though I've asked something like a million times." The company drew up to the front door. Signus knocked a complicated knock with his right hand while doing an Irish jig, and the door creaked open sloooowly. "Well, we're finally here. Go on in." The Destined Heroes did. "You think they'll be surprised?" asked a male voice. "Oh, definitely," said Signus. "I mean, it surprised *me* when I first heard the secrets of the Altar." "Be that as it may, they'll manage," said a female voice. "They'd better." "Be quiet," said another female voice. "Ard will hear and recognise you." ;_; The interior of the Shrine of Plot Structure was much like the exterior, in that it was incredibly simple, with a few half-hearted attempts at decoration for the sake of it. There was a small entrance hall, with a sign suggesting things to do and not do, and was otherwise the most boring entrance hall everyone present had ever seen. The rest of the shrine was simply a huge hall. The floor was made of bland (but well polished) black and grey tiles. There were pillars about the place, but gave the suggestion that they were only there to hold up the ceiling. There was a vague attempt at decoration, with a few tapestries and scrolls on the walls. But that was it. Oh, and the Altar of Plot Structure was at the other end of the hall. Continuing the theme, the Altar turned out to be quite unimpressive. It was gold and white, of course, but looked pretty drab, as altars go. The Destined Heroes approached it cautiously, and, in the case of Steve, extremely nervously. "Steve, you're fidgeting madly," said Ardweden. "Stop it." "Of course I am, Ard. We've found the Altar and I haven't died. I keep on expecting the other shoe to drop and something bad to happen." "What do we do now?" asked Dan. "There's a sign on top of it," said Illyria. He stepped forwards and picked it up. "'Please leave your donations at the front door, except for Destined Heroes who are to place the Seals on the Altar.'," he read. "How odd." "This place certainly doesn't look like much," said Kate sadly. "It's not much of an ending, is it?" "Life's full of surprises," said Scott, but her heart wasn't in it. "Well come on, guys, put the Seals on the Altar!" said Dan. He'd already taken his Battery Seal and placed it on top of the Altar. The Altar was glowing ever so slightly, and a low pitched hum came from it. Scott was next. In the presence of the Altar, the necklace came undone quickly and easily. Scott all but threw it onto the Altar. The Altar's glow intensified, and the humming increased in pitch. Next was Steve. She placed the empty box that was the Pocky Seal on top of the Altar. She was almost expecting the Altar to explode - that, or for there to be no reaction at all. She was quite surprised when all that happened was the Altar's glow increasing again, and the humming becoming a pleasant buzz in the air. Next was Illyria, who picked the Bishounen Seal up bodily and sat him down on the Altar. He sat there, kicking his feet, idly humming. However, you could barely hear him, as the Altar's own humming was quite loud now, and the glow was so bright it was painful to look at. Ardweden still hadn't worked out which Seal was hers. It could be either the Nintendo Seal of Quality, or the Duct Tape Seal. She shrugged, picked up the Duct Tape Seal and tried to place it on the Altar. As soon as her hand came close a violent blast of air blew her back and she landed in an ungainly looking sprawl. "Ard!" said Kate, rushing over. "Are you alright?" "I guess that isn't my Seal," Ardweden said, sitting up slowly. "Guess not," said Kate, laughing nervously. "Why the gaming-related Seal?" Ardweden wondered, and placed the Nintendo Seal of Quality on the Altar. This time it accepted the Seal. It glow was now almost blinding, and the humming almost too high to be heard. Everyone looked at Kate. She looked back, nervous. It was finally time - she'd have to place her Seal on the Altar, and then the adventure would be over. She didn't want it to be over. She'd always wanted it to go on as long as possible - In a constant escape from reality? She looked at Scott, wondering if that was what Scott had seen changing in her. Did she want Scott to see her changing like that? Kate looked at the Paperweight Seal. With this, she would end the adventure. How fitting that it would be up to her to end it. "It has to end some-" started Scott. Kate cut her off. "-time?" she finished. "I guess so. I just wish I'd had more time here..." She stepped forward and placed the Paperweight Seal on the Altar. The humming passed out of hearing, and everything became white. And then returned to normal. Everyone was still standing in the Shrine of Plot Structure, and the Altar was before them. As they watched, a small door in the side swung open. Inside was a leather bound book. "Huh?" asked Scott. "What's with the book?" Illyria retrieved it, and was thus the first to see the illustration on the cover. His mouth dropped open in amazement. "Guys... look." Everyone crowded around to get a closer look and gasped. On the cover was simple enough illustration, with bright gold lines on the dark brown that was the leather cover. What was amazing was that the picture was a picture of, well, themselves. Chibified versions of themselves, to be true, but recognisably them nonetheless. There was no title. Illyria was of course the first to regain composure. He opened the book and started leafing through it, and his mouth dropped open in amazement. Again. "Guys... this... this is a story of our quest." "What?" was the general reaction. Illyria opened the book to a page near the beginning, selected a passage at random and read aloud: "Are we there yet?" Ardweden sighed. "No, Scott." "You know, I think he's becoming a Usagi-like magical girl now," Dan whispered to Steve, who grinned and nodded. Scott turned around to glare at the two. "I heard that." Kate suddenly appeared in front of the little party. "We're almost there! Yay! You can see it from that convenient overlook over there." She pointed. The group walked over to the convenient overlook, conveniently labelled 'Convenient Overlook of Delfi -- Don't lean on the fence'. The town was picturesque, with structures resembling ancient Greek and Roman architecture -- ie. Lots of columns and stuff. The city was built in a circular arrangement, with the tallest structure being in the very middle. A large neon sign with an arrow stood beside it, flashing "Oracle at Delfi! Open!". Illyria stopped reading. "That was from when we first went to Delfi," said Steve. "Can it really be the story of our adventures in this world?" asked Ardweden. "Looks that way," said Illyria. He opened the book at random again and scanned the page. "This is from when we went to the town of De Gemmel and fought against Philip." "How far does it go?" asked Steve. "Let me check." Illyria flipped through the book to the last page and read aloud again: The group walked over to the convenient overlook, conveniently labelled 'Convenient Overlook of Delfi -- Don't lean on the fence'. The town was picturesque, with structures resembling ancient Greek and Roman architecture -- ie. Lots of columns and stuff. The city was built in a circular arrangement, with the tallest structure being in the very middle. A large neon sign with an arrow stood beside it, flashing "Oracle at Delfi! Open!". Illyria stopped reading. "That was from when we first went to Delfi," said Steve. "Can it really be the story of our adventures in this world?" asked Ardweden. "Looks that way," said Illyria. He opened the book at random and scanned the page. "This is from when we went to the town of De Gemmel and fought against Philip." "How far does it go?" asked Steve. "Let me check." Illyria opened the book to the last page and read aloud again: Illyria stopped reading, closing the book with an audible snap. "All the way up to now, it looks like." "Does this mean we're in a story?" asked Ardweden. "Why?" "I have a better question," said Steve. "Who's writing it?" Illyria looked again at the front cover. There was no byline anywhere. He looked again at the last page, and watched in interested bemusement as "He looked again at the last page" appeared at the bottom of the page, and a new page appeared to accomodate the continuing narrative about a new page appearing. Thinking about that made his head hurt, and "Thinking about that made his head hurt" appeared in the book. He quickly shut it with a snap before things could get any stranger. "Nobody appears to be writing it," he said. If anyone is, it must be us. Sort of." "You mean, we have adventures and they appear in there?" asked Kate. "Looks like it," said Illyria. "You mean that's *it*?" fumed Scott. "We've been exploring and questing all this way for a fancy travelogue?" "Let me try something," said Steve. "Can I have it for a second?" Illyria nodded and handed it over. Steve looked at the last page thoughtfully for a moment. She retrieved a pen from her pack, quickly scribbled something on the page, and a purple kumquat miraculously appeared on the Altar as an example of the book's power. It had smoke rising from it. "Where did that come from?" asked Scott, confused. "Interesting," said Steve. "You wrote a purple kumquat into the story and it appeared?" asked Ardweden. "Yeah," said Steve. "Why a purple kumquat?" "That's not important," said Dan. "What's important is that this is our ticket out of here!" He grabbed the book from Steve and opened it to the last page. "A simple 'and then they went back home. The end.' should work!" "No, wait-" said Steve. Dan wrote, "And they went back home. The end," and they noticeably failed to go back home. "Why didn't it work?" asked Dan, confused. "Look further up the page," said Steve. Dan did. Everybody else crowded around him, because they wanted to see what was going on too. This is what they saw: "You mean that's *it*?" fumed Scott. "We've been exploring and questing all this way for a fancy travelogue?" "Let me try something," said Steve. She retrieved a pen from her pack and opened the book to the last page again At this point the handwriting changed from elegant flowing script into Steve's spidery handwriting: Steve turned into a penguin for no reason at all. A chunk of masonry fell from the ceiling and fell onto his foot. A purple kumquat miraculously appeared on the Altar as an example of the book's power. It had smoke rising from it. "Where did that come from?" asked Scott, confused. And then the writing went back to the book's regular script: "Interesting," said Steve. "You wrote a purple kumquat into the story and it appeared?" asked Ardweden. "Yeah," said Steve. They stopped reading. "You... you wrote me as saying something, and I said it," said Scott. "You wrote me as confused and I felt confused!" "Well, yes," admitted Steve. "But... but... I didn't feel compelled or anything!" wailed Scott. "I saw the kumquat show up and of *course* I'd be confused, and want to know where it came from..." She trailed off uncertainly. "And you didn't turn into a penguin," said Dan, "and a rock from the ceiling didn't fall and hit you." "I don't pretend to completely understand it," said Steve. "But what I think it means is that you can't add just anything. What you write has to fit into the plot of the story, and not come too much out of the blue. I mean, the purple kumquat appearing is an example of the book's power, so it appeared, and of course someone would have to ask where it came from, but there was no reason for me to change into a penguin." "You USED me!" wailed Scott. "In other words, if you want something to happen you have to build up to it properly?" asked Kate. "I guess so," said Steve. "You USED me!" wailed Scott. "And an RPG story isn't complete without fighting the final boss and probably saving the world. Great," complained Ardweden. "My thoughts exactly," sighed Illyria. "You USED me!" wailed Scott. "But we've fought Xelloss!" said Ardweden. "We had a small tussle," corrected Dan. "After which he ran away and we spent a few days looking for this place. What kind of RPG ending is that?" "You USED me!" wailed Scott. "...not much of one," Illyria said. The bishounen sighed, frustration evident on his face. There was silence for a second, before Scott wailed, "You USED me!" "...you seem really hung up about that," said Illyria. "Of *course* I am!" said Scott. "How would you feel if what you thought was a completely genuine reaction wasn't, and you acted that way as if you were at the whim of a sadistic puppeteer?" "Look, Scott," said Steve, "from the looks of it if you want what you write to become true, it has to be a completely genuine reaction anyway." "That doesn't make it better! You treated me like just a character in a story!" "Well, all of us are!" said Steve. "No, we're real, brought here against our will and-" "No, even real life is a bit like a story," said Steve. Everyone stared at her. "No, really, think about it! There isn't always a happy ending, and sometimes the plot sucks, but we're always telling stories about our day and the funny thing that happened on the way to work or school or whatever, and we're all characters in it. Remember that Shakespeare quote about life being a play and us being actors?" This was met with dead silence. Finally Scott broke it. "That theory needs work, Steve. I can see what you're trying to say, but those are stories based on real life, not lives based on stories." "It's calmed you down, at least," quipped Steve. Scott grinned ruefully, and then there was silence. Everyone looked nervously at the floor, at their feet, and trying not to look at the book. They of course failed miserably. "Alright, council of war time," Dan said. "We need to work out what to do next." "In here?" asked Steve. "Good point," said Signus' voice. Everyone jumped in surprise, and turned around to look at the dragon-man. He was leaning lazily against the wall, and grinned as he saw them looking at him. He waved the sheet of rules that they had seen in the entrance hall. "I believe 'No shouting' is one of the rules written here. Plus, I have to get the place clean in time for the old man to get back." "Okay, we'll go outside," said Dan. "Don't forget your Seals or the Book of Plot - they are after all what you've been questing for," said Signus. "Aren't we done with the Seals?" asked Dan. "You might need them anyway," said Signus. ;_; They were now outside, sitting in a circle formation. If it was darker and they weren't inside temple grounds, they would have lit a fire. Some things just require a campfire, and a philosophical discussion on what to do next is one of those things. Well, most of them were having a discussion on what to do next. Steve, for her part, was flicking through the Book, and occasionally writing something on a piece of paper. "For clues," she had said. "So," said Dan. "We've got this 'Book of Plot'. It's what we've been questing for. There is still no obvious way home apart from 'fight Xelloss', which we were already expecting to have to do anyway. The question is, what next?" "We could use those stones to locate Xelloss," said Ardweden. Steve looked up from where he was reading through the Book of Plot. "We don't have any real reason to fight him, though," he said. "You're nuts, Steve," said Scott. "Just knowing we'll be able to get home after fighting him should be a good enough reason." "No, that's not it," said Steve. "It's like saying that... that... well, do you know Ranma 1/2? It's like saying that Akari showed up because Ryouga needed a love interest. Sure, that may be why Rumiko Takahashi introduced her, but it wasn't Akari's reason for showing up, she wanted to find someone who could defeat her sumo pig." "Steve, you're being too much of a Ranma fanboy," said Ardweden. "Stop it." Steve had the grace to look embarrassed. "Sorry. But do you see what I mean? We can't go after Xelloss just because that'll end the story and we can go home, we need to be going after him because he's presenting some threat to the world and needs to be stopped, like any RPG villain." "That sucks," said Scott. "It does," said Dan, and sighed. "But it makes sense. In a cynical kind of way." "Sorry," said Steve. Illyria asked the obvious question: "But what threat?" "Beats me," said Steve. She turned back to reading through the book. "What *are* you doing?" asked Ardweden. "Seeing what things we've forgotten about," said Steve. "We have been here a while, and - aha!" "Aha?" "Damn, we missed your Earth shrine powerup." "Huh?" Steve skimmed over the page quickly. "Back when we were at Rift's. He said that you need to get a powerup from all four elemental shrines and once you did you would be able to do 'the ultimate technique'. Looks like we have to go back to Earth shrine." "If I even want to bother," said Ardweden. Seeing the others' surprised expressions, she explained. "I'm not a real martial artist and I don't like to fight. I don't have the same drive and motivation to better myself. And do we really have the time to be searching for two more elemental shrines?" "Still," said Scott, "wouldn't it be better to have the option of some ultimate technique and choosing not to use it, rather than not having it at all?" "I guess," said Ardweden, but her heart wasn't in it. ;_; The next morning dawned bright and cloudy. Well, not very cloudy - there was plenty of sunlight making it through the cloud cover - but there were enough clouds to make their presence known. "It's a sign," said Steve, looking out the window. "Give it a rest, Steve," said Dan. "We haven't even had breakfast yet and you're already spreading doom and gloom." "Sorry," said Steve. "I guess I've spent too long here, being cynical..." She sighed. After a quick breakfast in the servants' quarters, they prepared to leave. "Leaving?" asked Signus. "Yeah," said Dan. "Thanks for letting us stay overnight, but we really must get on with our quest and finding Xelloss." Signus led them to the gate and opened it. They stepped through. "Good luck," said Signus, waving. "Thanks," said Kate brightly. "We'll probably need it," grumbled Scott. Kate whapped her. "I still wish we knew *why* we have to chase Xelloss," said Steve. "You're still stressing about that?" asked Illyria. "Yeah," said Steve. She held the Book of Plot up, waving it around for emphasis. "I mean, judging from the way this works, there *has* to be a reason more sensible than 'because it's how we'll get home'. I mean, I don't *want* him to be threatening the world, but..." She trailed off uncertainly. Xelloss appeared in front of her, his hand lashing out. Time slowed. Steve stared, transfixed, at the approaching hand, wondering how she was going to die. Would he tear through her as if she was paper, or blast her at extreme close range? Would it hurt or would it be fast and painless? She mentally kicked herself for even wondering; Xelloss was a Mazoku, and delighted in the pain of others. He'd make her death as painful as possible. Oh gods, she was about to *die*, stranded in another world and even as the wrong sex, and it was going to be a terrible, painful death- In her peripheral vision, Steve saw Kate approaching at full speed, but not even Kate would be fast enough. The Mazoku's hand was almost upon her. She'd always thought she'd led a good life. She hoped that the others would get out of this. She hoped that they'd remember her...him...whatever. She squeezed her eyes shut, for what that was worth. "I always thought I'd make it," she thought. And then Xelloss' hand was upon her, and the worst of Steve's suffering was very mild skin abrasion as the Book of Plot was yanked from her fingers. Kate arrived, but Xelloss was already dancing back, holding the book in one hand. Grinning widely, he held it aloft. "Is this a good enough reason?" he asked brightly. "With this book, I gain ultimate power over this world! Who knows what I might do with it?" His genial smile turned genuinely evil. "Ta-ta." He disappeared. ================================================= Part 3 - To subquest or not to subquest... that, and when's the Final Battle(tm)? ================================================= Dan was the first back up to his feet. "We've got to go after him!" he shouted. One "VICTOLY!" later Dan was in full mecha-Dan mode. He shot a gun at random for emphasis and a charbroiled pigeon fell out of the sky. "But where'd he go?" "The Melkor stones!" exclaimed Scott. She produced the three magical stones and placed them on her upturned palm. "To Xelloss!" she shouted, and a beam of light burst from the stones and went due south. "Everybody after him!" She and Dan ran at full speed for several steps, and then slowed down when nobody followed. They turned, wondering why nobody was coming, and understood when they saw Steve. The Sidekick was standing in one place, eyes wide, trembling with fear. She was white as a sheet and looked as if a ghost had not only walked over her grave but brought the whole family for a sing-along as well. "He... he was *right* there, *right* in front of me. I thought, no, I *knew* I was going to *die*..." "Steve, snap out of it!" said Ardweden. "I *hate* this place!" Steve screamed. "I'm constantly worrying, I'm cynical, I'm looking over my shoulder all the time! I haven't been able to *enjoy* anything lately because I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop! I even keep *garlic* in my bag on the off chance of *vampires*, and we haven't met a single vampire once! I can't even enjoy being alive right now because I'm worrying too much about why he didn't kill me!" Steve's screaming was stopped by the simple expedient of Illyria applying the pommel of his sword to Steve's head. The purple haired girl staggered back a few steps and sat down heavily. She looked up muzzily at Illyria, a look of hurt betrayal on her face. "Wha' was tha' for?" "You're hysterical," said Illyria. "None of us want to stay here. Calm down. If you just stand around shouting, we'll never get anything done." Something clicked in Steve's mind. "That's why he didn't kill me," she said hollowly. "So I could continue to spread doubt, and be cynical, and lower group morale." She punched the ground in frustration. "Damn it!" "We can't just react blindly to everything. We have to slow down and *think* about our next move," Illyria said. "We don't have a continue option. We can't resume a saved game if we die." "Also," said Ardweden, "the stones found Xelloss too easily." "Too easily?" asked Scott. Ardweden nodded. "He's a powerful Mazoku. He should be able to hide himself from those stones - after all, they couldn't pinpoint the Altar. They obviously can't find everything." "So we've slowed down. What next?" asked Damien. "We still have to go after Xelloss," said Dan. "Maybe not immediately, but *soon*. Who knows when he'll use that Book?" "Can he?" asked Kate. "What do you mean?" "He couldn't go inside the Shrine or its grounds, otherwise he would have stolen the Book sooner," said Kate. "If that's the case, then why would he able to use the Book at all? And if he can't, then why did he want it in the first place?" "He could certainly touch it," Illyria pointed out. "But write in it?" asked Ardweden. "Maybe he can't." "NeoVid!" said Steve, snapping his fingers. "He's on Xelloss' side, isn't he? *He* could write in the book!" They thought about that a moment. "We've got nothing to worry about for at least a month," said Dan. "He is after all one of Impro's slowest writers I know." "Interesting," said Kate. "There's *always* a bit right at the end where you're free to wander around and complete various subquests and level up. I guess this is that bit." ;_; "Damn," said Xelloss. "I'd hoped they wouldn't think of that." "Quiet, I'm writing," said NeoVid. "It looks more like you're staring at the page." "I'm *thinking* about what I'll write," NeoVid clarified. "These things take time to properly plan. I can't just write in 'And suddenly Xelloss had incredible power and could do anything he liked', after all." Xelloss gave up on watching NeoVid write - or think about writing - and turned his attention back to the Destined Heroes, who were now sitting down and planning their next move. "And after I made it so easy to follow me, too," pouted the trickster priest. "Now they'll stand a chance." ;_; The main subquest, they decided, would be to go to the Elemental Shrines and get Ardweden's powerups. Scott felt sufficiently powerful already. Dan felt so powered-up that he routinely forgot all the new powers he'd gained, which incidentally made life slightly easier on the author. Kate felt that her Ninja Magic scrolls were enough. As for Illyria... Illyria pointed to a spot on the world map they'd recieved from Saikyokun. "Look here," he said. "It says 'Master Swordsmith'. I can probably get an obscenely powerful sword from him. It's between the Fire and Water shrines, too, so we can drop in along the way." "Sounds good," said Dan. They also decided that a fair few random encounters were in order, just so they could level up some more. ;_; They arrived at the Earth shrine. As the author didn't want to waste time describing something described only last chapter, the previous description shall be written again: The temple, or to be more accurate the shrine, was large. Unlike most shrines, there was not a whole lot of white marble and gold decoration. Instead, it was made largely of wood and clay. Despite tjhat, the shrine was large and majestic. The pillars of the shrine merged with the trees and other foliage surrounding the building, and the edifice almost seemed to grow out of the ground. Incidentally, Dan did not make a bad joke about the landscaping this time. He'd learned his lesson. Ardweden entered the main hall. Nobody was there. "Hello?" shouted Ardweden, and her voice echoed in the cavernous main hall. "Is there anyone here?" The echoes were the only reply. Ardweden shrugged, and started searching for something that would power her up. ;_; Meanwhile, the Authoress was under a table in the shrine's kitchens. She wasn't hiding, nosirree, she was just... giving the floor a quality check. Yes, that was it. "Checking the floor for holes again?" asked Adam. "AAAH!" replied the Authoress. She jumped in surprise, or at least tried to, but the table got in the way. She sat down, rubbing her head. "Don't *do* that!" she said. Then she remembered she was trying to be quiet. *Then* Ardweden, alerted by the Authoress' shout, came through the doorway. "Er... hello?" said the Authoress. "Are you going to fight us again?" asked Ardweden. "She probably won't," said Adam. "She's too busy checking the floor for holes." "Huh?" "What are you here for?" Ardweden laughed nervously. "Oh, last time I was at the Earth Shrine, I forgot to get an Earth powerup." "Oh, that," said Adam. He wandered over to the cupboard, opened it, and rummaged through the contents for a few seconds. Finally he picked up a sachet that had "Martial Artist powerup. To be used by properly designated Martial Artists only" printed on it and handed it to Ardweden. "How do I use it?" asked Ardweden. The packet answered that for her by exploding and covering her with dust. "Eeew!" shouted Ardweden. Then she felt... different. True, she was covered in dust. But she also felt a new power surging through her body, filling and invigorating her. She felt like she could break boulders with her bare hands, and she felt as tough and as impervious to damage as a mountain. "You're glowing brown," Adam commented. "Brown?" Ardweden looked down and saw that there was indeed a brown light around her. "Ick." ;_; A couple of days later All-Terrain Dan trundled up to the Fire Shrine. The Fire shrine was, unsurprisingly, at the base of a semi-active volcano. In the best traditions of RPGs everywhere, there was lava flowing around the shrine and probably underneath it as well. Even though the heroes were standing scant metres from the molten rock, the heat was no worse than a medium-sized bonfire and they were suffering no ill effects. It's just one of those things. The shrine itself was white marble, but the glow from the lava gave it a reddish hue. There were pillars, cornices, and a sculpture in the shape of a leaping fire on the roof. There were flame designs etched into the pillars, the walls, and even the welcome mat. There was absolutely no way you could mistake the shrine for, say, the Turkish embassy. Or anything else, really. Once again the Heroes hung back, allowing Ardweden to go in by herself. It was her quest, after all. Ardweden entered nervously. Surely there would be a difficult mission, or fight, that she would have to succeed in before she could gain the powerup. Surely there would be traps, or at least places where she could slip and fall into the lava. She wasn't expecting the waiting room. It looked like waiting rooms everywhere. There was a receptionist's desk, seats along the walls, ten year old magazines on a coffee table, and a few plants. In a nod to the Shrine's element, there were missing tiles in the corners, with lava visible, and there were flickering torches on the walls. The plants were wilted and dead from all the heat. The receptionist was a man in a three-piece suit. Sweat was streaming down his face, his suit was dripping wet, and he smelled *awful*. "How can I help you?" he asked. "I'm, er, one of the Destined Heroes," said Ardweden. The receptionist looked at her critically. "You must be here for the Fire powerup, then." "Yes." "The priest currently isn't in," said the man. He reached under the desk, retrieved a small crystal ball with what looked like a fire enclosed in it, and set it down on the desk. "He said to give you this." Ardweden picked it up, and it exploded, in a completely non-harmful way. She did end up covered in soot though. She was expecting it, so she wasn't too surprised when there was a rush of power. This time, she felt a surge of heat rushing throughout her, spreading outwards from her stomach to her fingertips, toes, and the ends of her hair. She looked at her hands and saw that they were glowing orange- red. "Sign here," said the receptionist, pushing a release form and a pun across the desk. Ardweden picked up the pen and it melted into a black blob that fell onto the piece of paper and burned a hole in it instantly. "Oh for Pete's sake," said the receptionist. He produced another pen and release form. "Wait until you've cooled down this time." ;_; The Master Swordsmith looked critically at Illyria. "A powerful sword, you say," said the old man. "Yes," said Illyria. "Why do you want one? That sword you have is pretty powerful already, young man," said the swordsmith. Illyria's eyebrow twitched at the 'young man' comment. "Why the eyebrow twitch?" "You don't want to know." "Humour me." Illyria explained. The old man nodded, reached under the counter and produced a sword. Actually, calling it just 'a sword' is an injustice, as it wasn't just any sword. This sword was the epitome of swordness. It wasn't that much larger than normal, nor was it extensively decorated, but it had an almost tangible aura of extreme sharpness and power around it. The old man handed the sword to the bishounen. "How much?" asked Illyria. "It's free," said the man. For once, Illyria was visibly startled. "...free?" "Yes. A pretty girl such as yourself, trapped in the body of a man... it is a terrible injustice. So here, take this sword, and use it to succeed in your quest, and to return to your rightful form. Consider that the payment for this sword." Illyria slashed the sword experimentally a couple of times, then sheathed it. "Thanks." ;_; Dan, in his flying DanZIG mode (all the better for crossing large bodies of water), set down outside the Water Shrine. Actually, that was his plan, but it was rather difficult considering that the Water Shrine was on a small island just about big enough for the shrine, the servant's quarters, a small dock, and a tiny garden. So instead Dan hovered a meter above the water, and Ardweden hopped down to the dock. "Good afternoon," said a blue-clad woman with wavy light blue hair and dark blue eyes. "And welcome to the Shrine of Water. I am the Priestess of Water. What brings you here?" "Hello," said Ardweden. She scratched her head nervously. "I'm one of the Destined Heroes. I've come to find the power of Water." "Oh?" said the priestess, raising a hand to her face (unobtrusive blue eyeshadow and lipstick) in surprise. "The Destined Heroes? Please come in." "Cool," said DanZIG. "I really want to detransform and stretch my legs out. All right everybody, out." ;_; The inside of the shrine was much more comfortable than the Fire Shrine had been. It was pleasantly cool, with the soothing sound of rippling water just underfoot. The overall impression was of blueness and blue and aqua tiles polished so much you could see your reflection in them. Surprisingly, there weren't any pictures of water, but rather ones of cats, mountains, and, oddly, an old man standing next to a giant purple kumquat. He was grinning widely. "I was almost expecting pictures of water," said Ardweden. "I can just look out the window," said the pristess. "So I have pictures of other things instead. My cats, the mountains I almost never see anymore..." "And the kumquat guy?" asked Damien. The Priestess of Water smiled radiantly. "Oh, that's the Priest of Purple Kumquats, a very good friend of mine." "...right," said Illyria. They reached a large imposing door. From the other side they could hear sloshing noises. "Behind this door," said the priestess, "lies the Challenge." She turned to Ardweden. "You, Martial Artist, must face this challenge alone. Only if you succeed shall you receive the Power of Water. Do you accept this challenge?" Ardweden took a deep breath and stepped up to the door. "I'm ready." "Then behold!" The Priestess flung the doors back, revealing a gigantic hall and an Olympic-sized swimming pool. "You must swim twenty laps!" "That's it? No fights or anything?" "Of course not," said the woman. "I'm not into violence. Just watching someone swim twenty laps is enough to make me feel ill." Ardweden realised that there would be a problem. "I don't have a swimsuit." The Priestess looked at her quizzically. "This is a problem?" Ardweden backed away. "Oh no. I am *so* not swimming in my underwear." "Oh all right," sighed the priestess. "Let's go see what spare swimsuits we have." ;_; [The management wishes to advise that the following scenes have been deleted because they deal with picking out swimsuits and Ardweden swimming a kilometre nonstop and are thus rather dull, and it has nothing to do at all with the Author being a lazy sod.] ;_; Ardweden, gasping, finally reached the end of the twentieth lap. She grabbed the edge of the pool and hung onto it for dear life, trying to catch her breath. Then there was the feeling of power rushing through her once again. A cool liquid sensation rushed along her limbs and through her body, invigorating her. She took a deep breath, feeling much better, and easily clambered out of the pool. Then she felt *another* power surging through her. The sheer strength of it stunned her, and she almost fell back into the water. As it was, she ended up sitting on the floor, staring at her white-glowing hands. "What was that?" she asked. "Ardweden has learned all four powers! Ultimate Technique is now available!" appeared above her head, as a fanfare played, out of the blue. Ardweden heard it and felt even more confused. "Oh, have you learned the powers of Wind, Earth, and Fire as well?" asked the Priestess. "Yes," said Ardweden. "Then that would have been the Ultimate Technique!" "The Ultimate Technique?" "Yes... only one who has the powers of the four elements can use it." "What is it?" The Priestess looked embarrassed. "Well, seeing as nobody has ever mastered the four elemental powers, nobody's ever actually *used* the Ultimate Technique, so we don't really know what it is..." Ardweden's eye twitched. "You mean I've done these subquests, and I don't even know what I just got for all my efforts?" "Only when you first use the power," said the Priestess. "Would you mind writing it down when you find out?" Ardweden thought of the Book. "That won't be a problem," she said. "Thanks!" ;_; And thus, the party was ready. Ready for the Final Battle(tm). "Which way is Xelloss again?" asked Steve. Alright, not completely ready. One quick use of the Melkor stones later, they knew in which way they had to go. DanZIG arose majestically from the water, banked, the sunlight reflecting off the cockpit, and started flying straight and true to their destination. ;_; Their destination was obvious when they saw it. It was a castle on top of a large mountain. There were stormclouds thick surrounding it, and lightning crackling regularly through the air. "There is no *way* I am flying through that," DanZIG said. "We'd get fried pretty damn fast." He set down, transformed into All-Terrain Dan, and started trundling towards the mountain. "Say, what's that?" asked Damien, the sharpest-eyed of the lot. "What's what?" asked Steve. Damien shaded his eyes with a wing and peered through the windsceen. "Looks like... a low level cloud?" Damien thought about that for a second, then his blood turned cold. "An army. Of monsters. Kicking up a huge dustcloud." "WHAT?" was the general reaction. "Let me check that," said Dan's voice. A pop-up window appeared in the low right corner of the windshield. In the window, a zoomed-in view of a very large army appeared. "...I'm estimating at least five thousand," he said, his voice strained. "Did NeoVid write that in?" asked Ardweden. "Or did Xelloss summon them himself?" "It doesn't matter," said Scott. "Either way... this is it. The final approach." =================================== Part 4 - To fight or to die... but 'goodbye' either way =================================== "What are we going to do?" asked Steve. "There's too many of them!" "Pfft," pffted Dan. "The Dan Robo could take care of them easily." As if in response, another dustcloud appeared off in the distance as another army emanated forth from the caves in the side of the mountain. In the midst of them was a moderately-sized blue dragon. "The Dan Robo could *still* take care of them," said Dan's voice confidently. As if in response, yet another dustcloud appeared off in the distance as yet another army issued forth. In the midst of this one there was a gigantic golem. At this point, the three armies looked a lot more like one gigantic army. "Er," said All-Terrain Dan. Despite the fact that he was currently mechanical and did not have glands or pores, he sweatdropped anyway. "The Dan Robo might have a bit of-" "Don't say it!" snapped Scott. "Another wave of them will show up!" Dan mercifully didn't finish his sentence, but another wave of monsters showed up anyway. This one had a sphinx. "All right, the Dan Robo would have lots of trouble now," said Dan. "How many could there be?" asked Ardweden weakly. Despite the obvious cues, another wave of monsters did not appear. "That seems to be the end of them, for now," said Illyria. "Still too many," said Dan. "I'm estimating close to fifty thousand critters. That's not even taking the dragon, sphinx, and golem into account." "Hey, what's that?" asked Damien. Everyone turned to face him. Damien was shading his eyes with a wing and facing off to the left, staring at a seemingly blank section of the cliffs nearby the mountain. "What's what?" "I see a cave entrance." Dan obligingly provided a zoomed-up view of the cliffs and everyone could now see it - a small cave entrance. "I'm checking it with sonar," said Dan. There was a pause of a few moments, during which the rampaging armies came just a little closer. "Huh. Imagine that. There's a long narrow tunnel that connects with the tunnels underneath Xelloss' mountain." "An obvious trap," said Illyria. Everyone looked at the oncoming monsters, which were quite definitively oncoming and not, say, standing still. "But better than staying out here," Illyria added. Everyone agreed. All-Terrain Dan quickly changed course and in just a minute arrived at their new destination. But the oncoming army of monsters had shifted direction and were heading towards the cave entrance too. "They'll follow us," said Steve. "We'll be fighting monsters the whole *way*. *And* then they can intercept us at the mountain! This isn't going to work!" "I'll hold them here," said Dan. "I'll meet up with you later, if I can. You guys get going!" "Huh?" asked Scott. "Just GO!" shouted Dan. He turned to face the monsters, which were no longer in the far distance but the middle distance. The Heroes could now hear them - a distant cacophony of thuggish roaring, reptilian screeching. The ground was quivering underneath their feet. Dan walked forwards to meet their challenge. "But we can't leave you here alone!" shouted Kate. Dan didn't answer. Instead, he shouted, "Ikuze! DAN ROBOOOOO!" Gears, metal parts, sheets of metal seemed to grow out of Dan and the space around him. Dan rose up into the air as the parts continued to materialise around him, ratcheting into place. It all happened very fast - in less than five seconds Dan Robo was fully constructed. It was massive - but of course, most giant robots are. It was black, with streaks of white, and the eyes were glowing green above the faceplate. Giant red bat wings sprouted from its back, and there were jets underneath the wings. Dan Robo spread its wings, looking very imposing, and levelled a gigantic sword at the monsters. "HURRY!" shouted Dan's voice, amplified to many times normal. "Come on!" said Steve. He grabbed Kate and Ardweden's shoulder and pulled them in the direction of the cave entrance. Illyria, Scott, and Damien reluctantly followed. "But there's no way he can win!" yelled Ardweden. "He can hold those monsters here for a good long while, though! And if we can get the Book quick enough, we can do something about them!" ;_; Dan saw the others running into the cave. "Good luck," he said. He switched off the rear-view window and concentrated entirely on the approaching armies. "Let's see just what this thing can do." "Your arsenal includes, but is not limited to, a) a sword, b) an energy sword, c) twin magnetic axes, d) a chest mounted heat beam, e) limited range electrical field generators, f) finger-mounted plasma generators, g) palm mounted energy projectors, h) a forehead based energy projector, and i) razor sharp wing edges," said the voice of the help system. "Additionally, the servomotors can swing the sword fast enough to create damaging shockwaves, the lifting power is several times the body weight, you can stomp on most of your adversaries, and you can of course fly." "Cool!" exclaimed Dan. "I think I'll try one of those shockwaves." Dan Robo swung the sword to one side in preparation, then slashed outwards with blurring speed and a whine of machinery. A gigantic shockwave blasted forth. Those enemies closer to the Dan Robo were killed extremely quickly and messily. Those further were picked up off their feet and sent flying tens of kilometres, generally landing with splats. Even the dragon, golem, and sphinx were knocked backwards. Then Dan did it again, and a thousand more monsters died. Then he did it again. The once large army was now considerably less large. It didn't help that all the smaller monsters were now fleeing for their very lives. "This is easier than I thought," said Dan. "The Dan Robo kicks ass!" "Warning! Warning!" said the Help System. "Additional enemy units entering the field of battle!" A window appeared in the top left of the monitor, displaying a zoomed in view of Xelloss' mountain. About a hundred metallic golems were stomping out from the cave entrances and heading right for him. "IMPACT IMMINENT!" shouted the Help System, as klaxons went off and the lighting changed to red. There was a flashing light to the right of the viewscreen - Dan desperately turned the Dan Robo around and saw the original golem right in front of him, about to deliver a punch. Dan was already going into reverse, but wasn't fast enough. The golem's blow landed, and the Dan Robo fell back, knocked off its feet. Dan quickly activated the jets, righting the Dan Robo and standing up. The golem attacked with another punch. The Dan Robo jetted to the side, avoiding the blow, and, with its non-sword hand, swung with a punch of its own. It was terribly obvious it was going to miss. "Inadequate range. Activating extension," announced the Help System, and the Dan Robo's fist, attached to a cable, flew from its wrist and knocked the golem's head off. It shook its arms in confusion as the cable retracted and the hand locked back into place. "Cool!" said Dan. "How do I do that myself?" ;_; "I wasn't expecting him to do this well," frowned Yonjuuni. The villains had changed their setup somewhat. Xelloss had decided NeoVid was going too slow, so had him write a draft on a separate piece of paper. Meanwhile, Yonjuuni had been commissioned to write in obstacles as the Heroes progressed. Only, they were being more devious than Yonjuuni had thought. "Can't you write the robot's Help System as being stupid?" asked Xelloss. "It doesn't seem to stick," sighed Yonjuuni. "Oh darn," said Xelloss. "We did at least reduce the strength of the attacking party, which was the original goal," said Yonjuuni. "Time to do it again." He picked up his pen and started writing on the last page again. ;_; "Sssh! Did you hear that?" asked Kate. "I didn't hear anything," Scott said loudly. In the murky cavern they were currently hurrying through, her voice echoed loudly. "Quiet!" hissed Ardweden. "I heard it too!" "What was it?" Steve asked softly. "Not sure," said Ardweden. Kate's hearing in ninja mode, however, was superb. "It sounded like a distant roaring. And lots of slithering." "Dragons," said Damien. "Or giant snakes." "Hurry!" urged Illyria, doubling the pace and reaching the tunnel on the other side of the cavern. Kate, Scott, and Ardweden easily caught up. Damien started flying for added speed. Steve emulated Kate for the speed boost and hurried after the others. "It's getting closer!" hissed Kate. Ardweden strained her improved hearing. "It is!" "...!" said Illyria. "I can hear it too, faintly," panted Steve. "Even though I'm only beginner- level." "I still can't-" started Scott. Then they all heard it - a faint screech and a distant roar. At the same time, the group of goblins that had been following them for the past thirty minutes jumped out at them. The goblins were quickly dispatched, but it slowed the Heroes down. There was another screech. It was definitely closer this time. "Okay, I can definitely hear whatever it is now," said Scott. "Maybe we can set a trap or something," said Kate. "None of us have the tools and we don't even know what we'd be setting a trap for," said Steve. "True," sighed Scott. "There's a cavern up ahead!" said Kate, peering into the gloom. "We'll be able to properly fight there." The screech and roar was *loud* this time. Whatever it was, it was *big*, and getting close. "How far?" asked Illyria, with an almost audible gasp in his voice. "A few hundred feet-" This time the sound wasn't the familiar screech and roar, but the roar of fire. Everyone whirled and saw a speck of red and orange in the distance, rapidly getting closer. The temperature grew several degrees just as they stood there. "Run!" shouted Illyria, and broke into a full sprint. Everyone followed, Kate easily dragging Steve and Damien behind her and lagging behind as a result. "I'm part phoenix!" shouted Damien. "I can take it! Kate, let me go and run!" "You *sure*?" panted Kate. "Yes!" Steve had a sudden bright idea and emulated Damien, and turned into a womanlike birdlike womanlike bird very similar to the Mascot. "Kate, let me go and run!" "Can *you* take it? You're just beginner level!" "I don't know! But you definitely can't!" The air was much hotter now. Steve gave Kate an extra push, and started flying as fast as she could. Which was definitely slower than Damien, and more erratic, and she hit her wings on the tunnel walls several times. "I hope you know what you're doing," said Kate, and zoomed away at full speed. Which meant that she arrived in the cavern in half a second. She ran, getting as far away from the tunnel mouth as possible. Ardweden was next to arrive, dragging Illyria behind her. Their hair was frying and they were sweating profusely. Ardweden saw Kate standing over on the side of the cavern, waving frantically, and hurried over. Scott burst out of the tunnel mouth a moment later, her hair and skirt actually on fire, the fire was so close. She leapt clear, rolling as she landed. And in the tunnel... The exit of the tunnel was only ten meters or so away, but the heat was incredible. It would have killed a regular human. Thankfully, Damien and Steve weren't exactly human at the moment. Damien risked a glance behind him and saw the flames about to wash over them. "Here it comes!" he shouted, and put on a burst of speed. Steve tried to keep up, but fell behind. She felt the fire and its agonising heat sweep over her. She desperately tried not to scream, as that would just let the fire through her open beak. And to her horror, the heat was sapping her strength drastically and she was flying slower. This was it. She could feel herself burning up. Obviously the mimicked form hadn't been enough. She... she was going to *die*... Then the *second* wave of flame and fire and heat hit, even worse than the first. The last thing Steve felt was hurtling through the air at a much higher speed. Then she blacked out. ;_; Dan was having a hard time against the metal golems. They weren't too much trouble to start with, but they were neverending! As soon he cut down one and punched out another, three more came out of the mountain and walked towards him. They didn't even need to run, for there was an actual *queue* of golems walking slowly but surely towards him. In frustration, he tried another Extending Punch, and smashed through three golems standing in a line. But as soon as they went down, Dan saw another four stepping out of the cave entrance in the mountainside. "There must be some sort of generator in there," he mused aloud. "Scanning," said the Help System. There was a pause. "Confirmed. There are high levels of metal and heat energy, and a decrease in entropy from that area." "Huh?" "Sheesh, pilots these days," said the Help System. "That means the materials in that area are becoming more less disorganised and more ordered. Which, in context, suggests construction." "I'd go, but I have to guard the entrance. Damn! Talk about a rock and a hard place!" The Help System cleared its throat. "Might I remind you about the forehead mounted high-yield energy projector at this point?" it suggested. A second later, the Dan Robo reached up to the base of its V-shaped antennae. There was a large gem based there, which a single massive finger pressed. The finger pointed in the direction of the mountain side, where the supposed generator was. With a shout of "STONEEEEERRRR... SUNSHIIIINE!" Dan pressed the fire button. A gigantic ball of yellow energy blasted forth from the forehead-mounted jewel, on a beeline for the generator. It bobbed around erratically as it flew, but went straight, more or less, and finally impacted. There was a gigantic explosion off in the distance, and the golems started exploding in a chain reaction, starting from the ones nearest the generator. Dan had a second to realise what was happening and what was about to happen, and wildly swung for the jets' activation button- The chain reaction reached the fifty or so golems standing around him and they went up in a titanic explosion. ;_; A few seconds ago... "They're not going to make it!" Scott screamed, rolling to her feet and running away from the tunnel mouth. Just a couple of seconds later a large gout of flame burst from the tunnel mouth. Steve and Damien streaked *through* the midst of the fire. Damien banked in mid air to get away from the fire, screaming something about how hot it was the whole way. Steve, on the other hand, just flew through the air, slumped, obviously unconscious or worse. The only sound she made was a thump as she crashed into the ground and rolled into the cavern wall. The flame died down. When the residual heat had died down enough, the five rushed over to where Steve lay. She wasn't breathing, and her skin was horribly red and burnt. Her clothes and some of her wings had been burnt away. As they watched, Steve's magical bandanna, tattered and half burnt away, broke and fell off Steve's head. Kate and Ardweden were near tears, and couldn't speak. Illyria said "..." and meant it. "Oh my god, Steve..." Scott choked. Damien didn't speak. He did pull out several feathers and sprinkled them over Steve. Nothing happened. "What?" asked Damien intelligently. "Steve... is dead? He can't be dead! The phoenix down should have revived him!" wailed Scott. The group wasn't allowed any time to ruminate on that, for at that point whatever had been chasing and breathing fire them burst from the tunnel in a shower of rock. It was a chimaera, with a lion head, a dragon's head, and a long writhing snake for its tail. The dragon head screeched, the lion head roared, and the snake head hissed. "RIGHTEOUS WAI OF ANGRY IMMOLATION!" screamed Scott, and a huge wave of fire burst from her hands and washed over the chimaera. She didn't let it stop at that, and with a yell of "CRUSHING EX VENGEANCE OF PEACE AND LOVE!", the section of cavern roof immediately above the beast glowed pink, formed a first, and punched downwards. "PAINFUL YELL EX ALPHA-" started Scott, but was cut off as the snake tail whipped around and lashed her on the side of the face. She went flying to the side with a pained scream. Ardweden felt the power of the Ultimate Technique burning within her, begging for release. She let it. "Ultimate! TECHNIQUE!!" she screamed. Everything stopped, and went dark as Ardweden flashed white. The only thing that could move was Ardweden. She saw Scott hovering in mid-air, arms and legs akimbo. Wonderingly, she looked up and saw the snake head frozen in mid-hiss, acidic spittle hanging in mid air. The dragon's head mouth was open, and she could see the beginnings of a flame breath attack in the back of its throat. She sensed she didn't have much more time in this world of stopped time. She hurried forth and turned the dragon's head around so that it was facing the lion's head. Summonning the strength and power of Earth, she gave the lion's head a good bashing, then jumped clear. Time resumed. Scott resumed flying through the air and crashed into the wall. The cavern shuddered, small chunks of rock falling from the ceiling. The lion's head had a third of a moment to scream as the pain of Ardweden's blows registered and another third of a moment to realise that the dragon's head was suddenly breathing fire at it and just scream in general. It spent the last third of the moment busily burning to death. The chimaera was made of pretty strong stuff, though. Losing a head wasn't enough to kill it. The dragon head screeched in anger and pain, and breathed flame at the Heroes again. "WATER SHIELD!" shouted Ardweden, summoning the power of Water and Wind. At the same time, Kate pulled out the Fire scroll and yelled "BARRIER!" The end result was a lot of steam, but it did stop the dragon's breath from getting through. Somehow. There was an almighty crash and a spray of rock and gravel as a gigantic troll and another chimaera broke through the wall and joined the party. "WAI EX CANNON!" shouted Ardweden desperately, and Kate pulled out the Fire scroll and shouted "FLAME TRAIL!" A gigantic ki projectile shot towards all three monsters, followed closely by a trail of leaping flames. The monsters were hit squarely and staggered back. But they remained on their feet. Scott stepped forwards, her whole body shining brightly. "Scott?" asked Kate. In a voice that brooked no argument, Scott said, "You guys, run." "No!" yelled Kate. "We've already left Dan behind! I'm not going to leave *you* behind!" "You have to," said Scott. "I can slow these ones down, buy you some time... You go on ahead." It wasn't exactly an order, but again, the way she said meant you couldn't argue. Except for Kate, of course. "No!" she shouted. "Come ON!" said Illyria, dragging Kate behind her. "NOO!" screamed Kate, trying to break free from Illyria's grasp. "Sorry about this," mumbled Ardweden, and applied pressure to a point on Kate's neck. She slumped over instantly. "I hope you make it," said Illyria. He and the others hurried from the cavern, leaving Scott behind. With three monsters. And what seemed for all the world like Steve's dead body. Scott gulped in fear. The monsters were just standing around, allowing the scene to play out, as they usually do when an important scene between the main characters is playing. Now that that scene was over, they lunged forwards. "Death," intoned Scott, and flashed white, filling the entire cavern with an incredibly bright light. The monsters had half a moment to scream in agony before they died. Then the cavern, unable to take any more abuse, collapsed on her, the monsters, and Steve. ;_; "You got two that time!" said Xelloss, grinning widely and clapping. "Well done! That makes three down!" Yonjuuni stared at the page. Had they really died? Did he *want* them to have really died? He'd ended up in this role as a villain and gone ahead with it, but never really thought this far ahead. Now three people that he'd known back in the real world could very well be dead, by his hand. It just didn't feel right. "Ha! The end of the third paragraph!" said NeoVid. "How much longer?" whined Xelloss. "Probably at least another fifteen," said NeoVid. "Twenty, to be on the safe side." Yonjuuni shook his head in amazement as Xelloss groaned. On the one hand, death, disaster, and on the other, you had NeoVid writing at the rate of a word every five minutes. When you looked at NeoVid struggling to write, it was hard to imagine that people were dying. ;_; Kate's ninja constitution allowed her to recover a lot quicker than she normally would have. This meant that she regained consciousness just in time to hear the cavern collapse. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed, and strained against Illyria's grip. "Calm-" Illyria started. "I can't believe you!" Kate screamed into Illyria's face. "We left Dan behind against a gigantic army! Steve's dead! Scott's dead! You want me to *calm down*?" "It's the only way we'll get through this!" said Illyria, temper flaring for a moment. "I don't like it either!" ;_; "What's that you're writing?" asked Xelloss, straining to see the page of the Book. "Oh, just splitting them up some more," Yonjuuni said breezily. "Never mind about it. Go back to terrorising NeoVid." ;_; "Should I really be doing this?" NeoVid thought. He shook his head in confusion, and the thought disappeared. He thought no more about it. As an agent of Chaos, anything for the greater chaos was fine by him. ;_; Yonjuuni quietly cursed. That wasn't going to work. He tried something else. ;_; Damien found himself wondering why the phoenix down hadn't revived Steve. It had always worked before. Had something nefarious prevented it from working before? Might it work now, now that their enemies were sure to think Steve and Scott were permanently out of the picture? It was an odd thought. But it was worth investigating. "Guys, I'm staying here," he said. "What?" asked Ardweden. "I want to find Steve and Scott. There has to be a way for me to revive them. Look, I'm a phoenix in an *RPG*. It's what I'm supposed to be able to *do*." Kate thought about what sort of shape Scott and Steve were sure to be in after the cavern had caved in and wailed. Illyria gave Damien a dirty look. Damien shrugged helplessly. "You three go on ahead." ;_; Kate didn't bother to think anymore. Thinking about what had happened was too painful. Instead, she just wordlessly followed the bishounen, looking at his feet. Occasionally Ardweden would nudge her, and she'd look up to see she was veering off course. Aside from that, though, she didn't talk to the others. She didn't *want* to talk to the others. She wanted this to be over, for it all to be a bad dream, for Steve and Scott and Dan to be alive and well. She didn't want to stay anymore. She wasn't sure when she'd realised that. It seemed like such a long time ago now. Before everything went wrong and people started dying and being left behind. Too late. She was thinking about it. "Why?" she mumbled. "Why is all this happening? Why has it become so... serious, so dangerous?" ;_; "Because we're making it happen," grinned Xelloss. "Yep!" said NeoVid. "Come on, Yonjuuni! Another obstacle! Split them up some more! Break her spirit further!" chortled Xelloss. "Yeah..." said Yonjuuni. He bent back down over the Book and started writing again. ;_; A saber-toothed bear jumped out at the three. "Rargh," it said. Ardweden promptly hit it on the snout and it ran away. "That was easy," she said. Then it came back, bringing its mother, siblings, uncle, aunt, and the ghost of its grandpa Jim with it. "Rargh," they said. "Uh-oh," said Kate. "RARGH!" repeated the bears, more insistently this time, and charged. The three Destined Heroes fought back, driving the bears away for a moment, giving them room for their fancier techniques. "DRAW!" shouted Kate, holding the Draw Scroll. The largest bear slumped down as its essence was temporarily depleted, and a message appeared above Kate's head. It said, "Kate has drawn 3 x Bear's Strength!" Kate promptly cast one of them and became about 4.3215 times stronger. "WAI EXPLOSION!" shouted Ardweden, and a shell of white energy blasted out from her, knocking the bears off their feet. Illyria didn't go in for yelling the names of his attacks, or even for special techniques. He just sliced the bears up very very quickly and efficiently, his incredible sword going through them like the proverbial knife through butter. ;_; "That didn't work very well," said Xelloss. "I wasn't feeling very inspired for that scene," said Yonjuuni. "But wait for this next one!" ;_; Through the carnage of the bears, there came a large, imposing human figure. Well, they supposed it was human. It was hard to be sure, because the figure was wearing the skull of a bear over its head, and the skin of a bear over that. Also, humans generally don't grow to seven feet tall and five feet wide at the shoulder, and usually can't carry double bladed axes weighing just under one hundred kilograms with one hand. "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" shouted the figure. "You have defiled the Clan of the Cave Bears! You shall die!" ;_; "That was a *bad* joke, Yon," said NeoVid. "Don't do it again." "Excuse me?" asked Xelloss. "Pop culture reference," explained Yonjuuni, and sighed. ;_; The enormous figure charged, waving its titanic axe over its head. The three jumped clear as the axe swung down and gouged a huge hole in the rocky ground. Illyria leaped forwards and slashed, and grunted in slight surprise as his sword was turned aside by the bearskin over the figure's shoulders. "DUCK!" yelled Ardweden, but Illyria was already leaping to the floor. He felt the axe swish past just above his back. He felt his hands touch the ground and rolled, carefully keeping his blade to the side so he didn't accidentally skewer himself, and sprang back up into a ready position. The giant turned to face him, and Kate threw a shuriken into its back. "OW!" roared their enemy. Kate, encouraged, did it again. The giant roared in pain and seemed to get even *angrier* than before. It turned to face Kate, swinging wildly. Which was really very stupid, considering there had been a sword wielding Illyria in front of him. Illyria leaped forward and stabbed the giant's now exposed back, just below where the bearskin armour ended. The blade easily went through him, coming out the front side of his body. He looked down stupidly at the tip of the blade, then sagged and died. Illyria retrieved his sword, making a disgusted face as he did. "RAAAAAAARGH!" came a few shouts from behind. The Heroes whirled and saw a group of the bearskin-clad giants running for them, but what really grabbed their attention was a shimmering white portal hanging in mid-air, a hundred or so metres away. It was hard to be sure at this distance, but it looked for all the world as if Xelloss was standing on the other side of the portal, his back to it. And the portal was slowly closing, though closing wasn't really the right word. It was just... becoming smaller, looking almost as if it was staying in one place and moving away from them at the same time. Soon, too soon, it would wink out of existence. "RUN!" yelled Ardweden, knowing she'd never be able to make it- Kate moved so fast Ardweden and Illyria could barely even see her. One moment the ninja was with them, the next she was five metres from the portal and diving for it. ;_; Xelloss peered closely into the scrying mirror, puzzled. "Why are they running *towards* -" he started Xelloss, then saw the shimmering white portal. He couldn't see what was on the other side of it, but instinctively knew the Heroes couldn't be allowed through it. "Quick! Close it!" he shouted. "It's closing as fast as it can!" shouted Yonjuuni. Xelloss looked back in the mirror. The portal was definitely very close to nonexistence. The problem was, the ninja was very close to the portal. She leapt. Xelloss hadn't been able to see what was on the other side of the portal, so he was quite surprised when he got a back full of ninja. Having a ninja sword stabbed through his back was even more surprising. "OW!!" he said, then lashed out behind him. He felt it connect with something fleshy, and heard a female grunt of pain. The pressure on his back eased and he scrambled to his feet. "How...How did you..." he started. "Sore wa himitsu desu," snarled Kate, already in a ready stance. "Very funny," growled Xelloss, and sent a fireball hurtling towards her. She easily dodged, and with a quick use of the Fire scroll, sent another one hurtling straight at Xelloss. He teleported out of the way and the Fireball went hurtling straight and true towards Yonjuuni. He eeped and scrambled out of the way, but wasn't quick enough; the fireball exploded against the side of the desk and sent him sprawling. The Book went flying. Kate leapt for it, but Xelloss easily beat her to it. Coincidentally, the book was open to the last page, and Xelloss could see just *what* Yonjuuni had been writing. "Oh dear oh dear oh dear. You've been a very bad boy, Yonjuuni-kun," he said, smiling sadly, and sent a large fireball flying towards the groaning Yonjuuni. "WATER SHIELD!" shouted Kate, activating the Water Magic Scroll. A shimmering sphere of water appeared around Yonjuuni. The fireball hit it and they cancelled each other out. "I don't know why you tried to kill him but I won't let you!" shouted Kate. "Too many people have died!" "You'll be dead in a minute," said Xelloss, and a bolt of crackling dark eldritch magic blasted forwards. Kate dodged to the side, right into Xelloss' followup attack. She screamed as all of her nerves were overloaded, and fell in a twitching heap. "How boring," said Xelloss, and yawned theatrically. He created another fireball in his hand, because the author is getting really close to his deadline and doesn't have the time to look up Xelloss' spells. "And here I thought you'd be a challenge." He threw the fireball. "Tides!" Kate gasped, and there was a sudden rush of raging water in the hall. The fireball smacked into it. There was a brief sizzle and lots of steam. Kate managed to get to her feet, holding a Ninja Magic scroll in her hand. Xelloss couldn't tell what one it was, but it didn't really matter, did it? The girl was obviously extremely close to death. He'd easily be able to finish her. "Draw!" shouted Kate. Oh damn, he hadn't thought of that. He felt his being temporarily lessen for just a moment as Kate drew part of his maigc and stocked it as a spell. Quite what spell, he had no idea, but it shouldn't be a problem. It would just be related to black magic somehow, which couldn't damage him. It would make him stronger, even. And he could feel his strength returning already. "PURIFY!" Kate screamed, whipping out the Water Magic Scroll. Xelloss had a moment to blink, and think, "I hadn't thought of that," before the purifying magic hit. At full strength, he might have been able to fight it. At his current lower than normal level, he couldn't, and the spell purified him out of existence. He didn't even have time to scream. Kate, spent, fell to her hands and knees, panting. "You killed Xelloss!" said NeoVid. Kate couldn't even summon the energy to look up at him. "You KILLED Xelloss!" said NeoVid. She was going to die. "Cool," said NeoVid. "I was getting annoyed with him coming in and taking over." Kate blinked. "Is that why you were taking so long to write?" asked Yonjuuni. "Nah, I always write that slow," said NeoVid. "Anyway, she just beat the main bad guy. What now?" "You!" shouted Ardweden, appearing at the hall's entranceway. "..." Illyria said, drawing his sword. "They're... fine," Kate gasped. "Yonjuuni was... helping." "How can I believe that?" "Well, for one, I'm not attacking her right now while she's down," said Yonjuuni. "Two, check the Book." He tossed it over. Ardweden and Illyria scanned over the last couple of pages. Written in the Book's usual script was: "RAAAAAAARGH!" came a few shouts from behind. The Heroes whirled and saw a group of the bearskin-clad giants running for them Then it changed to Yonjuuni's handwriting. but what really grabbed their attention was a shimmering white portal hanging in mid-air, a hundred or so metres away. It was hard to be sure at this distance, but it looked for all the world as if Xelloss was standing on the other side of the portal, his back to it. "I guess that's good enough," said Ardweden, doubtfully. Illyria nodded and put his sword away. "Did we win?" gasped a new voice. Everyone looked over, and saw Dan limping towards them. There was blood from numerous cuts to his forehead, and one arm was obviously broken. His mecha suit was badly damaged, and he was clutching at his shoulder as he staggered towards them. "We saw you die in that explosion!" said NeoVid. "DIE?" asked Kate, Ardweden, and Illyria. "I... don't... die... that... easy!" Dan gasped out, and took another step. After a couple of moments, he took another s