====================================================================== Improfanfic Party, Part 12 "Do you Smell What the Improparty is Cooking?" Written by Andrew "Fatman" Bentley Except for selected bits by Roe and Lurker ====================================================================== The well-camouflaged evil one known as Epsilon was enjoying his work. After his work elsewhere in the area of San Diego, he had returned to his hiding spot within the kitchen area of the Chez Impro. So far he had "helped" several parts of various impros. But that was before the arrival of the Chihuahuas... and the zombified remains of some random Elvis impersonator. When these had entered "his" kitchen, Epsi (after forcing a blunt object over the head of Blade, for no good reason...did he really need a reason?) was forced to retreat to a safer location. But this place being the Chez Impro, the safest location was approximately 250 miles away; thus he decided to secret himself outside somewhere on the grounds. Blade, being the annoying, sniveling lackey type, followed Epsilon outside of the structure of terror known as the Chez Impro. "Hey, Boss. What's the plan now?" Blade inquired. "Blade, were you not my semi-faithful lackey, I the almighty Epsilon, would not reveal to you my current magnificent scheme." "Which is...?" "A plan is that is so outrageous, so daring, that one might call it controversial..." "So... you're just hiding from those Chihuahuas." After a slight pause to reflect on Blade's statement of the obvious (and to give himself enough time to develop a good comeback), Epsilon stated, "...but that is just a small part of my MASTER PLAN!" Villainous laughter ensued. ******************* Nearby the Lurker and nihility paused their consumption of impropotty-baked tacos, to discern where that distinctive villainous laugh #23 was coming from. Fortunately for Epsilon, they did not try discerning too long and went back to their slowly cooling tacos. "I still hate that we had to abandon half of those tacos and all of the chalupas and gorditas to your dogs when they took over the kitchen." griped nihility. "Well, they deserved that food, after all they ransacked 49 Taco Bells on the way here. Not to mention going through that cactus field back in Arizona." nihility started heading toward the beach followed by the Lurker and about 17 Chihuahuas. (hey, not all of those pesky mutts went to the kitchen...) ******************* Back abroad the Ragnarok, the shuffleboard game had ended when the now-inane (or was he always inane) Leonardo DiCaprio fell out of the crow's nest and right next to Delfina as she was about to win the game. With the sudden loud THUD occurring near her, she turned about and smacked Leo upside the head with her shuffle stick. Had this occurred a few hours ago, Omi probably would have made some remark in attempt to show her care for Leo, but now she just shrugged. "Is there anything else on the list that we can pick up to end this scavenger hunt within the millennium?" Dan inquired. "Let me try to find that last sheet again." Todd replied. Suddenly, all stopped in their tracks as they heard a distant rumbling. Being on ship flying high in the air, they did not expect to see what they saw. In what only could be described as the JUMBO (note capitalization) JET, which slowly lumbered their general direction. They all stood and watched as the immense aircraft slowly moved across the sky. They might not have paid much attention to this aircraft despite its enormous size, if not for the banner hanging from it that read, "Improparty HERE I COME!" There was no need for words as the aircraft slowly passed them and the large pilot gave them a thumbs-up as he passed. But none of them could also ignore the two large letters painted on the broad side of the aircraft. Finally after the JUMBO JET had become little more than a large dot on the horizon could anyone muster the will to speak. "Who the hell was that?" Omi finally uttered. "Well, since all it said was "Yo", I might suspect that that was the Fatman." Todd stated. Suddenly the final sheet of the scavengeable items fluttered before their faces. Dan quickly nabbed the sheet of loose leaf paper, and stared at what would undeniably give them victory. As Delfina, Omi, and Todd looked on, Dan's face produced a large, mischievous grin. "There are only two items listed on this sheet and if we can get them both, we shall go down in the history of Impro!" Dan declared. "Well, what are these items then?" demanded Delfina. "Let's go after the easy one first, no one will go after the other item." "And that is...?" Omi impatiently inquired. "Todd, we're heading for Hollywood." ******************* Meanwhile on that lumbering airship known as the JUMBO JET, Fatman was elated that he was _finally_ going to make it to the party. Since the plane was flying on auto-pilot, he was not required to stay in the cockpit all the time. And since he was the only person in the plane, he went back to the cargo hold to check on the BIG BLACK BOX. After satisfying himself again (and for the 20th time) that his cargo was still ok, he returned to the front of the plane. About 500 feet ahead of him and closing, Rain was soaring through the air and enjoying it. But his streaming mauve hair was obscured his vision or he might had some reaction before slamming into the windshield of the JUMBO JET. Not one to miss such events as a person hitting the windshield of an aircraft in flight, Fatman quickly got Rain into the aircraft (how you may ask? well, it wasn't easy; but I shall not dwell on the how) and helped him into the cockpit. "So you lost Roe's plushie, eh? For shame. Well, at least there's a co-pilot seat you can sit in until we get there." But upon entering the cockpit, Fatman's words were lost on Rain. And only a single, solitary thought passed through his mind... BUTTONS!! ******************* Elsewhere in Chez Impro, Roe continued his non-plotting type activities while muttering to himself about Satanbunnies. He was so engrossed in his work, that he almost failed to notice when Calculus appeared before him. Looking up from his task, "Hey Calc, where'd you come from?" "The deck, you haven't seen H have you?" "Nope... I didn't see you come in. How'd you get here?" Calculus grinned and said, "I teleported like Xelloss." A wicked grin appeared on Roe's face. "Can you teach me how to do that, please?" "Sure, no problem, it's really not hard at all." ******************* Back to our mischievous villains, Epsilon had successfully "corrected" even more pages of upcoming parts. But he paused to take a moment to marvel at his genius since he had found the best hiding spot anywhere on the grounds of the Chez Impro. Blatantly out in the open. With everyone there too preoccupied with gaming, eating, typing up new pages for him to "fix", avoiding Chihuahuas, participating scavenger hunts, and engaging in other pursuits, Epsilon was free to not hide and do as he pleased. As Blade handed him fresh pages, Epsilon unleashed villainous laugh #38 (the IAmABloodyGeniousAndAllThoseIdiotsHaveNoClue laugh). And for once, Epsilon did not cause pain unto Blade. ******************* Aboard the Ragnarok, Omi and Delfina were beating Leo with their shuffleboard sticks when Roe blinked into existence on the deck. Looking around he caught sight of the two and walked over to watch Leo get the beating he'd been deserving. Five minutes later, he coughed to get their attention. "Pardon me, but would you two be interested in helping me out with something?" "Maybe," Omi. "What is it you want help with?" Delfina asked. "Well it's just this..." Roe gathered the two into a huddle and in a hushed voice informed the two just what it was he had planned. Delfina smiled, "How could I not help with this? I'm in!" "Me too!" Omi chimed in. "By the way, where are Todd and Dan?" Omi pointed toward the engine room, "They went to see what was wrong with the engines." "Oh, okay. Well, you two ready to go?" Omi and Delfina both nodded. "Okay then, grab a hand and let's go." Grabbing each other's hands, the three vanished from the deck of the Ragnarok leaving a very confused and somewhat beaten Leonardo standing around. ******************* Meanwhile Twoflower was enjoying not having anything to do with an impro party part. Until he remembered that something should be done about those loons claiming to be some sort of Impro Inquisition. I know, he thought to himself, I'll let Roe and Woof handle it... Calculus just happened to pass by at that time. 2F tells him, "Hey Calc, if see Roe or Woof send them my way." "Well I just taught Roe how to blink teleport, so I'll go see if I can find Woof." ******************* Back aboard the Ragnarok, a puzzled Todd and Dan stared at the idle engines. "Maybe this will help," Dan said as he picked up a large monkey wrench that was lying nearby. The beating on the engine would have commenced had they not heard a unfortunately familiar voice entering the room. "I'm the king of the world!" Todd looked and Dan and said, "You use the monkey wrench on the engines, and I'll deal with the monkey." Todd then slammed Leonardo on the ground, threw him back up to the deck and shoved him into a handily place closet. Dan, now uninterrupted, commenced the beating on the engines. Surprisingly after just a few CLONKS, the engines fired up. Hurrying up to the bridge, Dan set a course for Hollywood. Todd felt the motion of the Ragnarok once again, and headed toward the bridge. After informing Dan of Leonardo's current location, he told Dan "Have you seen Delfina or Omi lately? Leo was making obscure remarks about someone disappearing with them." "Someone must have blink teleported them off, but who needs them now. Once we get the Hollywood sign and the FINAL ITEM, no one could beat us in the scavenger hunt. HAHAHAHA!" "Dan, please forget that laughter next time..." ******************* Twelve minutes later after correcting the airplane's course, keeping it from hitting the ground, putting Rain in a straight jacket, and duct taping him to the co-pilot's seat (whew), Fatman tried to relax in the pilot's seat. Glancing over at Rain tied up with his golden locks strayed about, Fatman mentioned "Don't ever do that again!" But all Rain could say was "buttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttons". Fatman then applied a 2X4 to Rain's head. But even this could not make a dent into his button induced insanity. Fatman was about to take a short nap until he noticed that Rain's hair was now a light shade of blue. Now not entirely sure if he was going insane, but sure that he was already a bit crazy, the Fatman hit Rain on the back of the head. "buttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttons...." Astonishment was seen on Fatman's face as Rain's hair was now a dark hue of beige, and he could only muster one word, "cool." ******************* Elsewhere, in the island country of Japan, DamienRoc was searching (quite unsuccessfully) for Phoebe. Hours of just screaming her name had not gotten him anywhere, so he began to ask every female he encountered, "Are you Phoebe?" At this rate, it may take me years to find her. There must be a better way to find her. ******************* Back at the Chez Impro, just outside of the kitchen full of Chihuahuas and the undead Elvis, Jonatan and Elsington were just standing and watch as three Chihuahuas fought over a taco. Then the undead Elvis tripped over one of the dogs, to which Jonatan could only say, "Great... now he's not only dead, but a zombie to boot. I'm going to lose my security deposit for sure." Turning to Elsington he asks, "Would you say that's the young Elvis or the old Elvis?" "I'd say it's the dead Elvis. But before he died... definitely the old Elvis." "Great... I've got a phonecall to make." As Jonatan walks off, Elsington decides to venture elsewhere for food. ******************* Neovid was also among the countless partiers who left the building after the invasion of the Chihuahuas. Walking out toward the beach, he came upon Lurker, who was still eating tacos. Looking up at the Lurker, NeoVid said, "Are you the Eternal Lost Lurker? I thought you were a Texan Saiyan..." Lurker, too busy eating to speak, just hands Neovid a couple of tacos and walks off still being followed by Chihuahuas. Then he remembered that he should unload the rest of the stuff he brought with him. ******************* Luckily for Random and Katy, the large dragon known as the Impro-Taxi was not hungry after finishing its "little" snack. However, having lost time (and their list of who they were supposed to pick up) they started back for the Chez Impro without much fanfare (which when riding a dragon, is a GOOD thing). ******************* Meanwhile, in area of southern California known as Hollywood, the Ragnarok was veering toward one of the most famous landmarks. But deciding to avoid the Warner Brothers Tower, they neared the penultimate object of their scavenger hunt. It was not until this point that Todd realized, "How are we going to get that without anyone noticing?" "I figured we would just grab it and run, but it could take a while to load that in the ship." Dan remarked. They thought, until the idea of ridding themselves of the pestilence known as Leonardo DiCaprio to the bimbos of southern California could have them avoid undue attention. Todd and Dan exchange doubtful glances, but figured they had nothing to lose. Grabing one of Delfina's leftover mallets, Todd made use of it and sent the senile Leonardo DiCaprio flying toward a spot near the Hollywood sign. It did not take thirty seconds before teenaged female screams could be heard. Over the following twenty seven minutes, no one noticed as the Hollywood sign slowly disappeared one letter at a time. As the Ragnarok made a rather speedy departure, Dan eyed the finally item on the scavenger hunt list once more. "For true victory, we shall obtain the hardest item to get on the face of this or any other earth! We shall obtain EPSILON'S EVIL RED PEN OF CORRECTIONS!" ******************* Had anyone at the Chez Impro been watching the eastern skies, they might have caught a glimpse of a large dot on the horizon slowly getting bigger. Yes, the JUMBO JET was finally entering final approach. "YES!" Fatman exclaimed. "I have finally made it! I suppose I can tell you what is in the cargo hold now, Rain." "buttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttonsbuttons" "If you like buttons, then take a look at what I have back there." Now at the mention of buttons, Rain turned around (actually Fatman turned his chair around) until he saw what was in the BIG BLACK BOX. At this point, Rain's incessant muttering went from "buttonsbuttonsbuttons" to "BUTTONSBUTTONSBUTTONS." It was at this point, that Fatman realized that he had greatly erred. Rain now screaming about BUTTONS ripped apart the straight jacket and duct tape holding him back and unleashes a tornado of terror that even a Tasmanian devil would be proud of. At this point, Fatman decided to crash land the JUMBO JET as gently as possible. But the first button that Rain hit on the dashboard was the release for the cargo hold. ******************* Epsilon was continuing his "correcting" until Blade attempted to interrupt him. "Uhh... boss..?" Blade uttered as he pointed to the sky. "Quiet, fool! Now, how should I try to make Lina and Darshu lose their dragonballs so they can't revive Lina before UltraRage Gamma?" Epsilon muttered busily writing with his red pen. Blade, being the only semi-faithful lackey that he was, headed for safety as the BIG BLACK BOX headed for Epsilon. Unfortunately for humanity, the BBB did not land on top of Epsilon, but the force of the impact caused him to drop his pen and knocked him into the path of the quickly approaching JUMBO JET. "Oh, crap." was all that could be uttered before the JUMBO JET, which was now bouncing along the ground, struck Epsilon letting him reach new thresholds of pain. ******************** Inside the closet, Aaron Shattuck knocked on the door. "Is ANYONE going to let me out of here?" No response is given to him. ******************** Stepping out of the aircraft, Fatman said the first thing that came to mind. "Finally, the Fatman has come back to San Diego!" Crickets chirping is the only sound that is heard in reply. "Oh, well. Well I guess I had better go find Roe and let him see what I brought." As Fatman walked by his contribution to the party (the Big Black Box for those you who were not paying attention), he noticed a pen laying on the ground. Since it did not look like a pen that had been chewed on, he picked it up and put it into his pocket as he entered the house of madness known as the Chez Impro. Meanwhile, Rain now staggered out of the JUMBO JET and caught sight of Blade going to check on Epsilon. Seeing the bat like creature, Rain grinned and ran off screaming about needing a slingshot. ******************* Lurker ambled out to the ImproPotty, cheerfully humming 'Wreck' to himself. *Gotta finish unloading the gear*, he thought. Climbing up the side of the golden toilet, which had been lowered to the ground to prevent it from rolling away, he opened a covered storage compartment. *Did I pack anything in here? I forget.* Reaching in, he felt around for anything that might need to be retrieved. His hand met something soft, squishy, and velvety. He blinked. *What the...?* He squeezed the object, reaffirming its existence. "Now what could that be?" he mused to himself. Feeling around, he found another similar squishy object next to the first one. He squeezed it for a moment as well. Both were round, and... A meticulously styled mass of medium-brown hair popped up out of the Potty, framing a fair-skinned, cute, but somewhat pissed-off face. Blue-green eyes glared down at Lurker. You know that moment of dread that precedes the knowledge you're about to get it? That pretty much sums up Lurker's expression at the moment. Any other rational thought had vacated the moment he'd realized just *what* he'd been squeezing. Up went the hand, and... *BAPBAPBAP* "Watch where you put those hands," said the cute female, who proceeded to hoist herself out of the golden toilet once the bapping had been taken care of. She was on the short side, elevated a bit by the black patent leather platform shoes she wore. Her attire consisted of a velvet leopard-print shirt and jeans. She checked her reflection in the side of the Potty, fussed with her hair for a moment, then turned to examine Chez Impro. Lurker picked himself up off the ground, and stared at the girl for a moment, before recognition set in. "Illyria?" "Yep, that's me," she said, sounding less pissed off than a moment before. "How'd you get in there?" Lurker asked. "Well, I saw you passing by while I was waiting for the taxi, and I knew you were probably headed this way, so I decided to hitch a ride." "Oh." Lurker parsed that for a moment, then decided it didn't really matter, and resumed his exploration of the Potty. "Um, sorry about, uh..." "Just watch where you put the hands from now on," Illyria said. Lurker looked into the storage compartment before he reached in this time, and blinked as he pulled out a luggage dolly. "What's this for?" he asked, hopping back down to the ground. Illyria looked up, and moved away a few paces. "You'll find out in a sec," she said. Lurker blinked, then looked up. And repeated the earlier Moment of Dread (tm). *SPLAT* "i...tai..." Illyria extracted the dolly from the flattened Lurker's twitching hands, then loaded the largish crate which had squished the writer onto it. Wheeling her crate off in the direction of Chez Impro, she cheerfully called out, "I'm here! I brought pie!" And there was much rejoicing. ******************* Woof was still laying down when Calculus entered the room, blink teleporting, of course. "STAY AWAY FROM ME!" "What's going on Woof? It's only me." "Oh, sorry Calculus. I thought it was that female." "Which one?" "I never saw her, but she just blinked in here, said some words that sounded like odd symbols of punctuation, and blinked out." "That must have been H, not the MGH one, some other person... she can blink teleport too?" "What did you want, Calculus." "Oh yeah, Twoflower wanted to talk to you about something, have you handle something for him or something." "Ok, I guess I'll go find him." And then Calculus blink teleported out of the room, but looking for H? Calculus won't tell. ******************* In the basement of the Chez Impro, Chris Nichols and the rest of the Impro Inquisition continued their plotting activities. "Now, how can we get Ardweden to arrive at this location at this time?" CN bemused. ******************* Surprisingly, it did not take Fatman long to find Roe. This was to the fact that Roe blink teleported back inside the Chez Impro (with two females) near where he was. "Hey Roe, long time no see!" "Fatman, so you finally made it." "Yep, and I have something I think you will want to see." "What is it?" "Come outside and see." Roe was content to humor his friend, but before he went out the door he told Omi and Delfina to go get Lusipher and Steph and meet him in the attic. As he walked outside, Roe could not but help to notice the BBB. "So this is what you brought?" "Yep." "So... what is it?" "Watch..." Then Fatman walks over and taps a spot on the side of the BIG BLACK BOX and it opens up into the ultimate video gamers mecca. Every good arcade fighting game made over the past 10 years was it perfect working order. And all within a weather proof building. "Impressed?" "Indeed, you have a brought great thing, but I must go now." And with that Roe blink teleports away. "Oh well, I showed him. Now let's see who here is a challenge..." ******************* Luckily for Delfina and Omi, Steph and Lusipher were on the deck of the Chez Impro. Delfina just grabbed Lusipher and Omi grabbed Steph and both said in unison, "Roe wants to meet us in the attic now." Confused, but interested the quartet quickly made their way to the previously unused attic of the Chez Impro. ******************* Meanwhile the Fatman climbed top the top of the structure that was formerly the BBB, now called the GIANT GLOBE of GAMING (GGG). After checking that the sound system was in proper working order, Fatman made his challenge. "Attention all Improers! I, the Fatman, declare on open challenge to any and all who would test their gaming skills against my own. Come forth to challenge on games such as Street Fighter Alpha 3, Marvel Vs. Capcom, Soul Caliber, and RIVAL SCHOOLS! And best of all, all games are on free play! What I am saying is, LET IMPRO-KOMBAT BEGIN!!" ******************* When Delfina, Omi, Lusipher, and Steph entered the attic, Roe was already there waiting on them (he blink teleported after all). "I welcome all of you here." Roe began. "Now the plotting may begin..." ******************* Well this was my first foray into fanfaction. If you hated this part, just don't defenstrate me. If liked it, email me and let me know. For everyone who made suggestions, I hope you are pleased with how I handled things. Thanks to Roe, for adding some sections and prereading. Thanks to Lurker, for his scene involving Illyria's arrival. WHERE IS EVERYONE? Person Location Twoflower: Chez Impro Roe: Plotting in attic W4: Chez Impro - looking for 2F Lusipher: Plotting in attic Calculus: Chez Impro NeoVid: Chez Impro - beach Omi no Miko: Plotting in attic Delfina: Plotting in attic Ardweden: Maybe SLID Stephica: Plotting in attic Eslington: Kitchen area Aaron: The beach nihility (Eric): The beach Dan Wood: On the Ragnarok Marlo Semaj: In two Impros at once Chris Nichols: The basement (aka SLID) Todd: On the Ragnarok Lawrence: still Lurking Anko: The deck Damien Roc: Japan Myth: Just back from the past NickM: Anorexia Ravi: At the bar Jake: Chez Impro Hottcoffee: Scavenging Monica: Under a desk BlackMage: Anorexia Fatman: FINALLY at Chez Impro - GGG Epsilon: Unconsious outside of Chez Impro Blade: Near Epsilon Random: the Impro Taxi Katy: the Impro Taxi Illyria: Chex Impro Eternal Lost Lurker: Chez Impro Rain: near Chez Impro looking for slingshot Chaos: Chez Impro Squall: Chez Impro Jonatan: Chez Impro Aaron Shattuck: STILL Locked in a closet H: not Hitting on Calculus Iron Chef Chen Kenichi: The kitchen Mecha Tom Green: San Diego Bishounen chauffeur: Crushed underneath a stolen car Leonardo DiCaprio: Being a complete moron in Hollywood Dragon: not hungry... yet Jess: Just back from the past Zombie Elvis: Kitchen area Keith Richards: Chez Impro