I M P R O P A R T Y M P R O P A R T Y I P R O P A R T Y I M R O P A R T Y I M P O P A R T Y I M P R P A R T Y I M P R O A R T Y I M P R O P R T Y I M P R O P A T Y I M P R O P A R Y I M P R O P A R T Part 15 Rubble at Chez Impro by The Eternal Lost Lurker (with additional material by Kate Malloy and Yun Cheolsu) party started by w4 Wandering through the underground of a strange city halfway across the continent from his home was not something Yun Cheolsu particularly liked. To say the least it was the last thing he expected to do when he had himself launched to San Diego. "I hate California," Yun said to himself as he stumbled through the tunnel blindly. Yun had run in a blind rage from Chez Impro to a section of San Diego he might have avoided if he had been sane in a mad search for Epsilon's head. There he had encountered a man (who in hindsight looked an awful lot like someone Yun had seen on MTV whose name he could not remember) who directed him to an abandoned warehouse. Once in the warehouse, the door mysteriously slammed shut, trapping Yun inside. The mad Cajun tried in vain to get the door open but soon collapsed due to physical and psychological exhaustion. He woke up in a beam of sunlight, still locked in the warehouse. "Aigu," he said, lapsing into Korean, "It wasn't a dream." He got up and started pacing the room and berating himself for losing control in such an embarassing way. He was concentrating so hard on beating himself up verbally that he completely missed the large hole in the floor. Or to be more precise, he failed to see the large hole in the floor, since "missed" would imply that he walked past it, as opposed to what he actually did. Which was lose all semblance of balance and tumble ten feet down into a room beneath the warehouse. ****** Kate rummaged through one of the Piles O'Miscellany sitting on her desk, searching for...something. Something fairly important, most likely, but something that obviously didn't want to be found at the moment. "Lesse here..." she mumbled as she tossed things off the desk and onto the floor. "Credit card bill...library reserve notice...application to Procrastinators Anonymous - gotta send that one in later...ImproParty invitation." She blinked. "ImproParty invitation?" Snatching the invitation from the floor, she picked it up and reread it carefully. "Omigod! It's started already! I'm late!" Instantly forgetting about the...whatever it was she was supposed to be searching for, she flung open the doors to her closet and began frantically rummaging through that. "Okay...Triple Triad decks, standard FF8 and custom Impro...check. Nerf Masamune...check." She grinned evilly. This was going to be fun! An hour later, she'd gathered all the necessary goodies and loaded them into the trunk of her car. Leaving a note for her family, (it read, "Dear everyone - I'm going to California for an indeterminate length of time to party with the gang from ImproFanfic. Don't forget to feed my fish. Love, Kate") she jumped into the car and headed off. As she sped down the highway, she wondered exactly how long it would take her to get there. Then she remembered the "adjustments" she'd made. All right, so she was no mechanic or anything, but she was an engineer, so she figured she could fake it pretty well. Hopefully she'd be able to get maximum speed out of this baby. Praying that there were no cops around, she began to accelerate. 65...70... 75...80...85...88. 88? Suddenly, sparks began to form around the car. Her surroundings became a blur, and then the car vanished, leaving only a trail of flames behind. ****** Lurker, hanging back along one wall of the living room where he could remain relatively unnoticed, observed the rapidly unfolding chaos speculatively. Things were about to get incredibly ugly here, and he for one didn't want to get involved. Carefully sidling along the wall, so as not to get drawn into the confusion, Lurker approached the bar, nodding to Ravi. "You tendin' bar?" he asked. Ravi nodded. "More or less..." He paused to smash a bottle of Jack Daniels over Zombie Elvis' head. "What can I get you?" Lurker considered that for a moment, eyeing the pulchritudinous brawl, the gainaxing plastic bimbos hair-pulling and bitch-slapping against the spunky, righteously pissed femme forces of Impro in a tangled morasse of fighting and fanservice that sorely needed a giant gravy bowl. "Funky Cold Medina," he decided. ****** Somewhere in the mists of time and space, a lone voice could be heard. "Well, *that* wasn't supposed to happen!" ****** In the basement of Chez Impro, forgotten in the confusion of chaos and hunger, a crate vibrated, rocked, and rumbled. Finally, with a great heave of effort, and a muffled yell from within... It tipped over. And stopped moving again. ****** "Aya!" Yun said rubbing his head. Yun looked around at the underground room he had quite literally stumbled upon. "Where the hell am I?" he asked no one in particular. The room he was in seemed to be the ending point of an extraordinarily long tunnel. Seeing no other alternative he proceeded toward the other end of the tunnel. ****** Nick turned to BlackMage. "I think we made a huge mistake." BlackMage nodded, paling considerably. Suddenly, the forces of kawaii known as Delfina and Omi loomed over them, battle auras flaring. The chibifying mallet struck twice. Then Omi grabbed the two chibified perpetrators, and carried them off to the kitchen, intent on setting them in fresh grape jello. ****** Damien Roc's head snapped left and right, his eyes glazing over in terror, fear, and...something else as he took stock of his situation. He couldn't move. He couldn't even scream for help. And he was stripped completely naked. And surrounded by Japanese schoolgirls in school uniforms and shiny red cowboy hats. "Big American," one of the small army of similarly clad, similarly styled, similarly faced schoolgirls said, in thickly accented English. "Strong American," another one commented. "Horse fucker gigantic," a third put in. Damien whimpered. ****** Several dinosaurs were startled as a loud noise, accompanied by a blinding flash of light and a fast-hurtling projectile roared out of the jungle mists. Kate looked around at the reptilian faces peering curiously at her. "Give me a break..." ****** Yun hit the end of the tunnel with a resounding thud. He fell backwards clutching his nose and shaking his head clear. "What a dumb place to put a wall," he thought out loud. Having reached his destination he decided to stretch his muscles which had survived two falls and a walk from Chez Impro to downtown San Diego to Jack-knows-where. In doing so he raised his hands into the air. The clanking sound that greeted this motion could have only meant one of two things: A: The ceiling was quite low and there was something metallic hanging from it. or B: Yun had finally gone completely insane and was hearing things. Yun, who was not yet ready to declare his insanity, checked out option A and discovered two metal rings hanging from the ceiling. In one of those rare moments of insight which, if nothing else, serve to prove that intelligence and wisdom are not interchangeable, Yun pulled on the rings. ****** Lurker blinked. "Did you hear something?" Ravi frowned. "No, not really. Why?" Lurker shook his head. "I just thought I heard somethingACK." The bar, including Lurker, Ravi, and Zombie Elvis tumbled through a hole which had suddenly appeared in the floor. Wincing, Lurker sat up. He then observed the mason jar in his hand. "Whew. Didn't spill my drink." And with that, he drained it in one gulp. ****** Things were getting ugly in Chez Impro. The Impro Girlz had huddled behind a hastily constructed barrier of electronic entertainment once the startled, confused, and befuddled model bimbos rallied into a crazed, catty offensive front. Dangerous high heels were being held like knives, mascara and hosiery were running, hair was tangled, ends were split, nails were broken, and the bimbos were PISSED. Stephica rallied the troops. "KILL!" The Impro Girlz charged, ready to trample/slap/smackdown/pelvic thrust/chibify/hairpull their sworn enemies into oblivion. The most cosmetically altered model wannabe waved a can of hair spray, and gave the charge. "ONWARD HOS!" Her lieutenant stared at her. "Like, who're you calling, like, a ho, you tramp?" "Like, it's a figure of speech, you slut." "Like, whatever." "Like, god, you're such a total bitch!" The Impro girls sweatdropped en masse as the plastic California bimbos suddenly turned against one another. At length, Stephica said, "Well, this is boring. Let's go see if we can get that coat off Jonatan again." A rousing cheer was raised, and the Impro Girlz left the living room, some headed for the attic, others deciding to head for the kitchen. ****** Lurker roused Ravi. "Hey, you okay?" Ravi groaned. "Yeah, something broke my fall..." "That's great," a voice mumbled from under him, "but you're breaking *my* back. Mind getting off?" Some hurried shuffling allowed the dazed, battered figure to drag himself off the ground. "Where'd you come from?" he asked. Lurker pointed up. "The living room. And you are...?" "Yun Cheolsu," the Cajun introduced himself. "Ah." Lurker nodded. "Lurker," he said by way of reciprocation. "Didn't see you around when I got here..." "I've been...busy," Yun said. He looked up. "So, what's going on up there?" Lurker was about to answer, but was cut off by a loud sonic boom and a bright flash of light. "What the hell?" he wondered. Using a part of the smashed bar (or maybe Zombie Elvis, he wasn't sure) as a step, he climbed up through the trap door, quickly followed by the others. A car had just crashed through the front wall of Chez Impro, from the inside. The floor was scorched by twin trails of fire. Models were scattered everywhere, dazed and confused (moreso than normal, anyway). "Finally, I made it!" exclaimed the person inside the car. Then she got out, and sighed. "Oh no...it's totalled..." Lurker, Ravi, and Yun cautiously approached the vehicle and its driver. "Anou..." She turned, and smiled. "Hi! I'm Kate!" She looked around. "Heh, sorry about the mess," she said sheepishly. W4 emerged from the kitchen, and Twoflower popped up from...somewhere. The god of Impro sighed. "Someone clean this mess up," he said. Several partygoers decided to pitch in, and soon debris, garbage, and supermodels were being carted out to the trash pickup. ****** "Ugh...is this thing superglued on?" Stephica groused. "Come on, someone give me a hand here!" "Maybe I can *thrust*--" Illyria began...then noticed everyone staring at her strangely. "Maybe we can find a crowbar..." ****** Myth peeked into the totalled car taking up most of the front half of the living room. "Hey, look at this," she called out to her partner. HottCoffee looked into the car, and whistled. "Wow." Myth pulled out her copy of the list, and checked it. She blinked. "Whoa! It's on here! And it's worth 88 points!" "Let's get it!" HottCoffee exclaimed. Working quickly, the two girls removed the flux capacitor from Kate's car, and went off in search of Ravi, who was busily attempting to reconstruct the bar in a slightly less hostile environment. ****** Omi cackled maniacally as she put two large containers of Jello, one chibified violator in each, in the refrigerator. She'd always wanted to try setting someone in Jello to see what would happen... ****** Deep in the dark, insidious headquarters of SLID, an overturned crate began to wiggle around on the floor, strange thumps and moans sounding from within... ****** WHERE IS EVERYONE!?! DamienRoc Japan Chris: kitchen Eslington: kitchen W4: cleaning up Iron Chef Chen Kenichi: kitchen Nick: chibified in jello BlackMage: chibified in jello Kate Malloy: cleaning up Twoflower: cleaning up Calculus: living room Jake: living room Squall: living room Eternal Lost Lurker: cleaning up Hottcoffee: living room Myth: living room Tameran: living room Ravi: kitchen Stephica: attic Omi no Miko: kitchen Illyria: attic Delfina: attic Ardweden: living room Kieth Richards: living room Zombie Elvis: under the living room scavenged models: being cleaned up Chaos: en route to kitchen Kimberli: en route to kitchen Ura: en route to kitchen Roe: attic (chibified) Jonatan: attic (half nekid) Lusipher: attic Epsilon: SLID(crated up) Blade: Outside Chez Impro Todd: onboard Ragnarok Dan: onboard Ragnarok NeoVid: GGG Fatman: GGG Aaron: The beach nihility (Eric): The beach Dragon: being the Impro taxi Random: the Impro Taxi Katy: the Impro Taxi Lawrence: still Lurking Anko: The deck Rain: near Chez Impro looking for slingshot Wang Tu Chun near Chez Impro in the van Jess: somewhere in Chez Impro Aaron Shattuck: driving in San Diego Yun Cheolsu: cleaning up Mecha Tom Green: San Diego Chihuahuas: yo quiero impro bell Notes: Thanks to Phoebe for the cowboy hat thing...strange but true file on that one...also thanks to Kate for sparking the idea for how to go about this monstrosity...and thanks to everyone I riffed or messed with in here for being good sports about it (I hope) ^_^.