Ardweden opened the door, looked around, stepped out into the California sunshine, and closed the door behind her. "That's funny..." She walked over to a discarded bag of Dragon Chow. "I guess they took the dragon and left. ...Oh well." She shrugged and turned back to Chez Impro, but at that moment another young woman (with wolf ears) exited the house as well. "Oh, you're right. Here she is." She smiled at Ardweden, right ear twitching. Ardweden blinked. "Um, oh. Chaos-san?" "Hi hi." Chaos smiled and stepped out of the doorway, and a young man with long hair followed. "Radish-kun!" Ardweden ran up and gave the guy a hug. He hugged back. "Hi Ardweden." John smiled as he was released. "How are you?" "Just peachy." She grinned. "What's up?" John looked at Chaos. "We're scavenging," she said. "Squall thought you might like to come along." "Squall? Oh, right." Ardweden giggled. "Okay, that sounds fun." "Wai!" Chaos waied. John nodded. "Wai." Ardweden giggled some more. "we shall have fun scavenging. wai. Okay, how do we start?" John reached into his bag and pulled out... ...a sheaf of paper. "Here's the scavenger hunt list..." "Ne, look at the last item." Chaos took the list and flipped through it quickly. "See, here?" She pointed. Ardweden looked and saw something pencilled in at the very bottom of the list: 'Normalizer, 500 points'. "Oh, yeah, the Normalizer. I heard about that. So...that's what we're looking for?" "Well, there are lots of reasons to look for it," John said. "Hai!" Chaos enthused. "Come on!" "Wai! You're the best, Ard-sama!" "Wai! You'll kick everyone else's ass, Ard-sama!" "...I see you haven't managed to get rid of them," John said. "Kawaii!" Chaos said. Ardweden rolled her eyes. ===== ImproParty Part 24: Secrets and Lies ImproParty created by Kichigaisakka W4 Scott Woofer This part by John Evans, johne@mit.edu Additional Contributor List can be found in the Author's Note ===== Ardweden, Chaos and John entered the living room, and looked around. They took in the computers, video game consoles, scattered chairs and rows of game players glued to the screens. "So...what do we do first?" Ardweden asked. John rubbed his chin. "Well, maybe someone's seen something..." Chaos scampered over to one of the gaming zombies. "Hey, have you seen... Uh...hey!" She waved a hand in front of his face. "Hey, yoo-hoo!" "Uh, Chaos-san--" "Hey, listen to me!" Chaos started shaking the guy, which didn't seem to affect him at all. John sweatdropped. "It looks like there's nothing here." Ardweden eyed him. "Gee, you sweatdrop in RL too." John rubbed the back of his head, and she snickered. Chaos smacked the gamer on the back of his head. "Mou!" "I think we should try somewhere else," John suggested. "There's just chairs and computers and people who wouldn't have seen anything anyway, in here..." "Okay!" Chaos looked around alertly. "Where?" "Hmmm...what's happening over there?" Ardweden walked over to the stairs leading to the second floor. A tall guy was watching as a bunch of chihuahuas licked at a mess on the stairs. At her approach, he turned. "Oh, hi," he said, nodding. "Sorry, but we had a little accident with some jello. I'm Nick, by the way." "Ah, I see. Well, hi, I'm Ardweden." She smiled. "Wai! Ard-sama!" "Oh, for..." "That Omi, always up to the same tricks," Chaos mused. "You took the words right out of my mouth, Chaos-san," John said. "Oh, really? What else do you have in there?" Chaos peered at his face. "Anyway, you probably shouldn't go upstairs until it's cleaned up." Nick looked at the trio. "I know the bedrooms are up there, but maybe you could try the basement or something." He grinned. Ardweden snickered again. "Yeah, maybe we will. Come on, guys..." She looked back, and Chaos stopped trying to look down John's throat and smiled at her. "Uh, yeah. Anyway, let's try somewhere else." She started walking over to one of the doors to the living room. "Strange concept, a 'normalizer', if you think about it," John said. "Brings in the question of what reality is, anyway." "Reality is overrated," Chaos said. "But it sounds to me like this thing is a manifestation of Order. Wouldn't you say, Squall?" She poked John in the shoulder. "Well, not so much Order as--ite--choosing one sort of Order over another." "But we all like our reality here, don't we?" Ardweden opened the door and looked into the game room. Even more televisions, game consoles and zombie players were set up. "Wah. How are we going to find anything in here?" "You can do it, Ard-sama!" "Oh, wait, hold on." John walked over to a couch with a guy in a large hat and a red-haired girl sitting on it. "Hey, Mage, is that you?" The guy in the blue robe and hat looked over. "Hey, we meet again" "Oh! Hi BlackMage." Ardweden walked over, Chaos following behind. "And HottCoffee?" The girl smiled in response. "Have you guys heard anything about this Normalizer thing?" "Nah" BlackMage said, shaking his head. "what about it?" "Well, it's supposed to make everything normal, right?" Ardweden asked, blinking as Chaos started poking around under the computer tables, and behind the televisions. "Normal?" Coffee grimaced. "That would suck." "Yeah, I couldn't cast RUB or XXXX" Somewhere under his hood, it looked like BlackMage was grinning. Coffee giggled. "Ah, yes." Ardweden nearly sweatdropped. "Everyone thinks so too, so we're all looking for it." "Or are we doing it for the scavenger hunt points?" John asked. Coffee shot an annoyed glance at him, then looked at Ardweden. "Oh, are you doing the scavenger hunt too? That sounded like a lot of fun to me." She turned to BlackMage. The dark wizard (or something) shrugged. "Hey, I was just gonna hang out But that's cool too" Ardweden blinked, and looked over at Chaos. Chaos shrugged. "I dunno. Points, or saving Improkind. Whichever." "It's rather too dangerous to leave lying around, wouldn't you say?" John asked. "Like an atomic bomb or something." "Yeah." Coffee frowned. "An atomic bomb. Really dangerous and stuff." "Maybe not even Epsilon would use it," John continued. "Yeah, he probably wouldn't. That was probably why he threatened us with it and stuff." Coffee nodded. Ardweden blinked, and looked closely at John. He noticed her gaze, and shrugged and smiled. "Yeah, maybe," she said. "But you two haven't seen anything?" "Nah" "Nope." "...Okay, I guess we have to try somewhere else," Ardweden said. "Go for it, Ard-sama!" "Don't give up, Ard-sama!" Ardweden muttered something. "I think Myth was in the family room," Coffee said. "Okay." Ardweden sighed, and looked around one final time. John nodded, and Chaos looked behind one final cabinet and scampered over. Ardweden nodded, and walked over to the door again. "Hey, is that a stain on your shirt?" could be heard as they walked back to the living room. ===== "What were you talking about, with the atomic bomb stuff?" Ardweden asked. "Well, I just--hmmm." John sort of stopped walking, and Ardweden blinked, then turned to follow his gaze. Illyria was standing at a television. She looked up. "Oh, Ard! Come listen to this!" She turned the volume up. "Hi Ria. What is it?" Everyone gathered around the screen to watch a news bulletin. "This just in," the anchorperson said. "Chaos at Sea World!" A little graphic of sea mammals floating belly-up appeared in the top corner of the screen. "Unknown entities are involved in a battle for control of the dolphin tank at Sea World San Diego!" Grainy, shaky, chaotic camcorder footage rolled. Not much other than flashes of light and sprays of water could be made out. Then someone yelled "Michin Tom!". "Ooh, chaos," Chaos said. "We will keep you updated on this situation as it develops. And now, back to Jerry Spr*click*" "Bah, daytime television." Illyria turned off the set and straightened up. "I guess that's where they went." Ardweden sweatdropped. "Well, I hope everything turns out okay." Illyria looked off into the distance for a moment, then turned and regarded Ardweden with an iron stare, eliciting a blink. "Ard. Have you seen Ravi anywhere?" "Um...no." "Or Phoebe?" Ardweden shook her head. "Why? Is something wrong?" Illyria frowned. "I don't know. My THRUST-sense is tingling." She spun on her heel. "I must be off." Ardweden stared after her. "You didn't ask her about the Normalizer." Ardweden jumped. "GAH!" She spun around. "John! Don't DO that!" "Kick his ass, Ard-sama!" John rubbed the back of his head. "Eheh. Sorry." "You're using those Order powers again, aren't you," Chaos said, poking John in the side. "No, I'm just--ite!--unnoticeable. It happens a lot." Ardweden frowned. "You know, you and Ria--" "Come on, not now, Ardweden." Ardweden sighed. "Fine. And I bet you still haven't read it yet, have you?" "I said kick his ass, Ard-sama!" John looked down. "...whatever." "Bad Squall!" Chaos scolded. "-5 points for you!" "...whatever." John grinned slightly. "Stop that!" Chaos poked him some more. "Ite! Okay, okay..." "Okay, be that way." She looked around. "What now?" "Let's try door number three," Chaos suggested. "Oh, please, don't make me think of that Monty Hall probability problem again..." John sagged. Chaos resumed poking him. "Math is very very bad!" "...Okay, then. On to this, uh, other room," Ardweden said. ===== The next room was the dining room, the first video game-less room our heroine and guides had encountered. The most prominent feature of the room was a bar, at which a cat, an aardvark and a couple of boy band singers along with a number of swooning female fans, were seated. The rest of the room had some tables and chairs and random people that aren't important to the story right at this point. Ardweden walked up to the bar and scratched the aardvark behind the ears. "Hi there, Quistis." Quisits whuffled at her affectionately, then went back to its chocolate-covered ants. "Hey, I'm thirsty." John walked behind the bar, since no one seemed to be tending it at the moment. "You ladies want anything?" He set out some glasses, and produced a 2 liter bottle of Sprite. Ardweden snickered. "Nah, you go ahead." She looked at one of the singers, and then blinked. "Uh...Twoflower? Is that you?" Twoflower-as-Nick Carter swiveled to look at Ardweden. "Oh...uh... Ardweden, was it? It's good to see you. All four of you." He took another swig from his glass, not noticing that it was long since empty. "Did you think over what I'd said about Skee-ball?" Ardweden sweatdropped. "Well, yes, yes I did." "Thass good." He hiccuped. "I'm always glad when people give real thought to what I say." The fanfic legend seemed to ponder for a few seconds. "Excuse me for a moment." Then he put his head down on the bar, and began to snore softly. "And if you don't believe in me, we'll play this tune over again..." John took a sip from his drink. "Ahhh." "Huh?" Ardweden looked at him. "Hm? Nothing." "You're being chaotic, aren't you?" Chaos said. "I knew it!" John grinned at her. Ardweden looked over at Lusipher-as-Kevin Richardson, who was also out cold as giggling females styled his hair. "Uh...isn't this sort of, I don't know, dangerous?" "Hm, good point." John reached into his bag and pulled out... ...another bit of paper. "Let's see. Rule #2-something or other...find a safe place to store yourself if you're out cold." He looked. "Is this is a safe place?" "Don't worry, they'll be safe with *us*!" Much giggling ensued. "Ah, good." John nodded. "...Well, I guess that's okay," Ardweden said. Then she noticed someone coming out of the general mass of people to the bar. "Oh, hi Myth." "Hiyas." The young indie admin smiled at them. "Just wanted to pick up a couple of drinks." "Please, feel free." John stepped out and Myth moved behind the bar, sending an annoyed frown at the unconscious transformees. "Myth, have you heard anything about the Normalizer?" Ardweden asked. "Wasn't that the thing Thou Shalt Not Call Me Epsi was working on?" She poured out a couple of sodas. "Yeah. Well, we're looking for it, so..." "I don't know, really. Hey, maybe you can come ask Eslington." Myth started to walk over to the family room, then turned to look back at them. "Sure." Ardweden looked at the bar. "Doesn't seem to be much chance of it being here." "Wai! Go Ard-sama!" "Where can I get some of those?" Chaos asked. ===== Eslington looked up from the PlayStation. "Oh, hi all." "Hi Esli-chan!" Myth plopped down in Eslington's lap. He immediately developed a nosebleed. Everyone sort of stopped for a moment. "Uh, hi, Eslington," John said. "Here, let me..." He reached in his bag, and pulled out-- ...a tissue. Eslington grabbed it and pressed it to his nose gratefully, as Myth pouted a little, stood up, and then sat down again, next to Eslington on the couch. "So, um, Eslington," Ardweden began. "Yes Ardweden?" Eslington finished mopping his face. "Have you heard anything about the Normalizer?" "No. Have you heard anything about H?" Ardweden blinked. "No." "Well, then I guess we don't have anything to say to each other, do we?" Eslington smiled. Chaos giggled, and John grinned. "What's this about H?" he asked. "She's escaped," Myth said flatly. "I thought she was you," Chaos said. "Well, she was exorcised." "From what I heard, she was getting quite a bit of exercise," John said. "Ow!" Ardweden lowered her hand, and rolled her eyes. "So...she's separate from you, and loose?" "Ooh, scary," Chaos said. Myth frowned. "Come on, this is serious." "I'm sorry, Myth," Ardweden said. "We don't mean to make fun of you. At least *I* don't." She glared at her companions. "Wai! Go Ard-sama!" "Kick their asses, Ard-sama!" Myth and Eslington stared at her. Ardweden sweatdropped. "It's a long story," John said. "We all have problems, right? Anyway, we'll let you know if we see anything." Eslington nodded. "Aiight," Myth said. "Yeah, we'll definitely keep an eye out for her." Ardweden smiled, and Myth smiled back. "Okay, come on, troops." She led the way back toward the dining room. "Oh Esli-chan, by the way..." There was the sound of a glomp. "Oh...oh dear." ===== "So, does Myth want to be normal?" John asked, as they walked to the kitchen. "Who would want to be normal?" Chaos asked. Ardweden was silent for a moment. "It's a good question," she said. "Who is H anyway? Some alternate personality?" "Actually I think she's from an alternate dimension," John replied. Ardweden nodded. "I don't think anyone likes having something forced upon them. Right?" "Right Ard-sama!" "That's right. All those icky rules," Chaos said. "Ah, but without rules, there is no meaning," John said, smiling. "And without freedom, there is no change!" Chaos cried. Ardweden looked around, sweatdropping. "You're both right." "You're so smart, Ard-sama!" "I'll buy that," John said. Chaos shrugged. "Let's see. This is the kitchen, right?" She walked in to see Iron Chef Kenichi meditating in the midst of a mise en place, and Fatman chowing down on a pizza next to Jesse's portable pizzeria. The cuisine legend looked up. Ardweden blinked. "Um, well, do you know anything about the Normalizer?" Kenichi shook his head. John looked over Ardweden's shoulder. "Whoa, Gestalt flashback." "And how about you?" Chaos asked Fatman. "Can you believe this guy won't cook pizza?" Fatman asked. "...Actually, I can," Ardweden said. "Huh. Well, I haven't heard anything about it either." Ardweden nodded. "No problem." "Hey," John said. "Do you realize that that guy's, like, the master of improvisational cooking?" "Wai!" Chaos waied. "Yeah, he's almost like us," Ardweden said. "Hm? Oh, yeah. But I found some mint chocolate chip ice cream! Wai!" John grimaced. Ardweden smiled. "Come on, let's try somewhere else." ===== "Hm. Where to now?" "Well, there's the basement..." John caught Ardweden's look. "Or, outside." "Yeah, definitely outside." Ardweden walked over to the sliding doors and pushed them open, and the group walked out onto the patio. Stereo and karaoke equipment was scattered about, abandoned for the moment, and Lurker was sitting at a table, eating Doritos. "Hi Lurker," Ardweden said. Lurker looked up and smiled. "Hi, Ard-chan. How's it going?" "Pretty well. We're looking for the Normalizer." "You rule, Ard-sama!" "On a quest, eh? Well, I don't think I can help you." He popped another chip into his mouth. "So what are you up to?" Ardweden looked around, and saw Chaos poking around the stereo equipment...then looked around some more as she realized she couldn't see John. "Just hanging around," Lurker replied. "You know...I could really go for a pizza. But that guy won't cook any." He snorted. "Iron Chef, my ass." Ardweden sweatdropped. "Well, actually, Fatman has that portable pizza thing set up..." Lurker sat bolt upright. "Huh? What?" "Um, yeah. He's got a pizza right now--" "Hot damn!" Lurker shot to his feet, dropping the bag of chips, and made a beeline for the house. "Thanks Ard-chan!" Ardweden watched him go, then shrugged. She turned around and yelped as John was suddenly behind her, making him jump back. "Stop DOING that!" She smacked him on the shoulder. "Kick his ass, Ard-sama!" "Ow. Er, sorry, Ardweden." John rubbed the back of his head. "You're sneaky, Squall." Chaos peered over Ardweden's shoulder at him. Ardweden looked after Lurker, then back at John. "Why do you do that?" John sighed. Then he reached into his bag and pulled out-- ...a Magic: the Gathering card. "Ew, evil," Chaos said. Ardweden took it. "Swords to Plowshares?" "Yeah. Never mind." He shook his head, and frowned up at the sky. "Bah. I hate California." John took off his sweatshirt and put it in his bag, revealing a gray T-shirt. Chaos whistled. Ardweden blinked and looked at his shirt. It said: 'alone - I have always worked better alone - monet'. She frowned, then sighed. "All right, to the iceberg..." ===== Ardweden shivered. "Wow, it's so...icy." John took a deep breath, and smiled. "Ah, much better." "Whee!" Chaos took a running start and slid along the surface of the ice. Ardweden looked around. "Well, I guess there's nothing here, except...the grave." She started walking toward it, and John and Chaos followed after a few moments. Ardweden looked up at the sky, then down at the ice again. "Strange..." "What is?" John asked. "That we have this big lonely iceberg here at this party." John shrugged. "I rather like the symbolism." Ardweden looked at him for a few moments. "You're not taking it as representing yourself, are you?" He smiled slightly. "That's one interpretation." "Maybe it balances out things," Chaos offered. "You know. Cold and heat. Death and life." "Chaos and Order?" "Exactly!" Ardweden smiled, and then sobered as they came to the grave. As of now, it was just a hole with some scattered ice chunks. She picked one up, and looked at it thoughtfully. "Wow, like dirt from a grave, only colder," John said. "Heavy." Ardweden handed it to him, and he put it in his bag. "Well, I guess there's nothing here." "Only what you take with you." Ardweden shot him an annoyed glance, as they began walking back. Then she looked up at the sky again. "The Normalizer..." "Is very very bad?" Chaos asked. "We should, uh..." Ardweden snickered. "No, I was just thinking...would it just normalize everything in a mile radius? Or whatever?" "Probably not," John said. "I mean, Epsilon and Blade don't want to be normalized, do they? Or do they?" "Probably not," Ardweden admitted. "They'd want to just threaten people with it," Chaos said. "Eeeeeevil." "Strange, though...A 'Normalizer' has to presuppose the existence of abnormality, doesn't it?" John mused. Ardweden blinked. "What do you mean?" John shrugged. "Nohting, probably. Oh, hey, we can check out that GGG thing." He pointed. "Oh! Good idea." They started walking. ===== "What is this? Only fighting games? No Black Widow? No Zoo Keeper?" John sniffed. "Ah, this sucks." Ardweden looked around at the blaring games and rapt gamers. "Hey, I just thought of something." "You're so cunning and devious, Ard-sama!" "What's that?" John asked. "What exactly are we looking for? I mean, what does a Normalizer look like?" "It looks...normal," Chaos said. "Like any ordinary Normalizer?" John raised an eyebrow. "C'mon, I'm serious," Ardweden said. "Unless...I guess we're just looking for Epsilon and Blade, aren't we?" "Sounds good to me," John said. Chaos nodded enthusiastically. "Ard-chan!" Ardweden looked up to see a small figure, standing on a stack of boxes and playing a Street Fighter game of some kind or another. He waved at her. "Oh! ColdFury." Ardweden walked over to him, smiling. Then she sweatdropped. "I guess it hasn't, um, worn off. I'm sorry." ColdFury chibi-shrugged. "It's okay. It's kind of fun, actually. What's up?" "We were looking for the Normalizer," Ardweden replied. "Hmmm," ColdFury hmmmed. "That would unchibify me, wouldn't it? In fact...you could undo just about anything with it." "Anything here at the Party," John said, nodding. "Maybe even Chaos' ears." Chaos gasped. "Not my ears!" She started attacking John. "Ow! I'm sorry!" Ardweden sweatdropped. "Yeah, I guess that's right..." She frowned. "Wow," ColdFury said. "Sounds pretty significant." "So you're saying it should be destroyed, or something?" Ardweden asked. "I don't know." He chibi-shrugged again. "Anything with that much power can be used for good or evil. You know. You've seen all those movies and stuff, right?" "Yeah, that's right." Ardweden smiled. "So it's probably best if we keep looking." "Yeah, take care." ColdFury looked over at John and Chaos and snickered. "If you can survive, of course." Ardweden turned. Chaos looked up at her with an innocent expression. John swayed on his feet and managed to smile. Sort of. Then he blinked. "Oh, wait. I don't suppose you've seen H anywhere around?" ColdFury scowled at John, and then blinked as well. "Wait a sec. Yeah, actually I have. She got some guy who was playing Darkstalkers." "Oh? When was this?" Ardweden asked. "About half an hour ago. They mentioned a closet." ColdFury nodded to himself. Ardweden sweatdropped. ===== John sighed as they walked back to the house, looking at the wreckage of hoverjets poking out of the ground. "And I bent the rules so well..." "Aw, cheer up, Squall," Chaos said. "At least it was a fun surprise!" "Yeah, there's that." John frowned up at the sky again. "Doesn't it ever *rain* here?" Ardweden rolled her eyes, and pushed open the sliding doors. She noticed that Zombie Elvis was now at the bar, serving drinks to the animals. He nodded to her as she passed, heading for the family room, and she nodded back, a little nervously. Then she entered the family room, and stopped dead. John and Chaos entered as well, stopping behind her. John cleared his throat. "We would have knocked," Chaos said, "but there's no door. Funny, isn't it?" Myth and Eslington sort of moved away from each other on the couch a bit, blushing. "Hey guys," Eslington said. "What's up?" "...Oh, we just wanted to let you know," Ardweden said, "that H was spotted about half an hour ago, taking a guy to a closet." "Really?" Myth shot to her feet, and Eslington followed suit. "Aiight! Let's go! If we hurry we might still catch her!" She pushed past them, tugging Eslington along. "Glad to help," Ardweden said, moving to one side. Then she noticed the couch, and blinked. "Uh, Myth, did you drop something..." Eslington facefaulted, causing Myth to stop for a moment and look back. "Oh, that? Tehehe...no, that was there when we got here." Myth tittered, and pulled Eslington to his feet, and then left the room. Ardweden walked to the couch, and picked up the leather bullwhip. "Uh... hm." "Hey, take it along," John said. "Might find a use for it." Ardweden snickered. "Yeah, sure. Let's see...where to now?" They walked over to the bar again. "Mmmmmmrrrr." Ardweden blinked, and looked over at Elvis. He gestured for the whip. She hesitated for a moment, then gave it to him. He proceeded to somehow force it into a cocktail shaker, mix it around for a bit, then come up with a translucent black drink with an umbrella and cherry in it. Twoflower raised his head from the bar. He blinked at the drink. "What's this?" "Dominnnnnnatris," Elvis managed through his rotten lips. Twoflower took the glass, drank it in one go, and blinked again. "Ooooh, yeah. Hurt me, baby." Then his head fell to the bar again with a soft thump. Wind blew through the room for a moment. *hwooooo* "Now *that's* a bartender," John said. Elvis gave him a thumbs up. Unfortunately, he really gave him a thumbs up, and John dropped it in disgust. "Don't lose the nice man's thumb!" Chaos picked it up and returned it to Elvis. "Thnnnnk yu. Thnnnnnk yu vrrrr mtch." Ardweden stared for a moment. Then she took a deep breath, let it out, and looked around again. "Okay. So...the jello is probably gone by now, I think. I hope. And I'd rather not go in the basement." "Kick Chris's ass, Ard-sama!" "Sounds like a plan," John said. "Let's go." ===== Ardweden opened the door to the living room, stepped through, and blinked. Damien Roc turned around, saw her, and smiled. "Ardweden." "...WAI! Dame!" Ardweden ran up and hugged Damien, who hugged back. "Wai! Why didn't you find me earlier?" Damien shrugged, and smiled. "I'm sorry. There's been lots of weird stuff happening." Ardweden hugged him some more. "Well. I'm glad you're here now." Damien embraced her for a few more moments, then let her go and looked up. "Hello, John." John nodded. "DR." "And..." "I'm Chaos." Chaos' ear twitched. "Oh, of course. It's nice to meet you, Chaos." She beamed. Damien looked back at Ardweden. "So what are you up to?" "We're trying to find the Normalizer," Ardweden said. "It's evil." "Destroy it Ard-sama!" "Ah, I heard." Damien nodded. "The only place we haven't looked is upstairs, so..." Damien looked toward the stairs. "Well, I was just talking with Nick. Apparently everything is cleaned up, or whatever, so you can go upstairs now." "Wai!" Ardweden waied. "Wai!" Chaos waied. "Wai, Ard-sama!" "Wai not?" John asked. Ardweden giggled, and Damien smiled. "All right, come on," she said, pulling him along. At that moment, however, the door to the dining room was thrown open, and Illyria stormed in. Ardweden blinked. "Ria? Er..." Illyria spared not a glance, but instead walked to the stairs and ascended them at a run. "I have a bad feeling about this," John muttered. ===== Ardweden got to the top of the stairs and saw Illyria glaring into an open doorway. Following her gaze, Ardweden saw Phoebe standing on the other side of the threshold, nonchalantly straightening her clothes. "*What* do you think you're doing?" Illyria snapped. "Hmmm? Don't you mean 'who'?" Phoebe asked. Ardweden stared, and then turned to look back at her companions. Damien shrugged helplessly, Chaos was watching attentively, and John's face was thoughtful. She turned back to the scene unfolding before them. Illyria pointed a finger in Phoebe's face. "How could you...How DARE you?" Phoebe pushed the finger to one side. "Please, don't point, it's rude." "*Rude*? You left Team K to go bonk the guy who--" "Well, you were finished with him." Phoebe raised her eyebrows. "Or he was finished with you." Illyria's face got red. Ardweden took a step forward. "Um...Ria, Phoebe..." "Oh, hello Ard-chan. Don't worry about this." Phoebe reached out and tousled Ardweden's hair, then walked past the assembled group and down the stairs, humming a little tune. Ardweden frowned, and re-straightened her hair. "You don't know what trouble is," John murmured, looking after Phoebe. Illyria turned to him and glared. "Well, thank you, 'Impro Savior'," she sneered. "You're one to talk, aren't you?" With that, she stomped down the stairs. "Phoebe! Get back here!" "Ouch," Chaos said. John shrugged. "I'm used to it." "Uh..." Everyone turned to see Ravi come out of the room, looking bedraggled. "Hi all." "Ravi." Ardweden gave him a hug, and then looked at him. "Are you okay?" Ravi rubbed the back of his head. "Confused, mostly. This place is weird, and getting weirder." He looked around. "Hello, all. Damien, Chaos. ...John." There were nods all around. "Well, at least I can remember things now." "Memories are precious," John said in an odd tone of voice. Ravi smirked, just a little. "We are only what we remember of ourselves." Then he grimaced. "I think I'm just going to go lie down somewhere. But not in a bedroom." Ardweden nodded. "Okay, feel better." Everyone watched Ravi go down the stairs, then looked at each other again. "Uh...now what?" "Kick ass and chew bubblegum, Ard-sama!" "Well. I was wondering when someone would come up here." Everyone turned to see Stephica, closing a bedroom door behind her, and smiling. ===== "Hi Stephica," Ardweden said. "Ard-ri, so nice to see you," Stephica smiled. "And you have some big strong men along with you." Ardweden sweatdropped. "Ah, yes. Well, we were looking for the Normalizer--" "Oh, I think it's in the attic," Stephica said. Everyone blinked. Stephica shrugged. "Well, I heard people voices coming from up there, and I think they mentioned that." "...Oh. ...Well, good! We found it!" Ardweden beamed. "Thanks! Now then..." She edged toward the door to the attic, but Stephica moved into her way. Ardweden blinked. "Uh..." Stephica sighed. "Ard-ri...I've been stuck up here for quite a while, what with that jello and everything. And Roe ran off and left me all alone." She pouted. "Uh, I'm sorry, Stephica, but--" Ardweden stepped back a bit as the air around Stephica seemed to take on a reddish tint. Stephica took a step forward, eyeing the males in the party. "You can imagine how I feel, I hope..." "Look, Stephica--" Ardweden blinked as John stepped past her. "I'm afraid this isn't the right time for this," he said. Stephica smiled. "Why, John, how nice to see you," she purred. "Yes, I'm sure." Ardweden blinked. John's face was blank. Stephica took another step. "Now, why don't you--" Then she blinked. Shadow seemed to swirl from John's form. It expanded into a cloud, absorbing the light in the hallway. Ardweden edged away from it, but was touched by a stray flicker of black and suddenly felt saddened and lethargic. The aura grew in size, until it met the red of Stephica's aura, and sparks of energy jolted free. The two fields of power strengthened, and grew, hissing and shaking at the point of conflict...and then, after several agonizing moments, faded and disappeared. Stephica scowled. "Well...fine then. I'll just go find someone else." She pushed past the stunned group, and made her way down the stairs. Everyone looked at John. "Um...John, what was that?" Ardweden asked. He shrugged. "She has an aura of erotica. I have something else." "Wow!" Chaos said. "Can you teach me?" John smiled. "I don't know if you have the right mind for it." Ardweden stepped forward and gave him a hug. "Yeah, I know," he said. "Okay." Ardweden released him, and looked around. "So...that's the door to the attic, is it?" "You da man, Ard-sama!" "About time." Chaos opened the door, and they ascended the short flight of stairs. ===== A rather strange sight met their eyes. "Ew, that's...guhhh!" Ardweden looked away. "Wow," Chaos commented. "The mood is about to change," John said. Rain looked up from neatly stacking two bodies next to each other. "Oh, hi all." "Er, hi," Damien said. Aaron Shattuck also turned to look at them. "Oooh, more people." "At last!" Everyone looked over to the side to see Epsilon and Blade nearby. "Finally we've found the exit from this blasted attic!" "I knew you could do it Epsi!" Blade squeaked. [insert running gag here] "What's, uh, going on here?" Damien asked, staring back and forth. "We're just hanging out." Rain shrugged. "Hey, is that..." John stared over at Epsilon. "BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Epsilon laughed. "That is correct! This is my greatest invention, the Normalizer! Complete at last!" Ardweden swallowed, and stepped forward. "All right, hand it over." "No! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Damien took a step forward as well, then blinked as several other figures stepped out of the shadows. "We'll take that," Ivar said. "It sounds like a good motivating tool." He grinned over at John. "I told you it's mine!" Epsilon snapped. Ivar grabbed at the Normalizer and a tug-of-war ensued. "Hey, what is that thing anyway?" Rain walked forward a bit, making our protagonists edge back. Ardweden saw John lean over and whisper something in one of Chaos' ears. She nodded and scampered toward the stairs, stopping to let Phoebe pass by. Ardweden blinked. "Phoebe?" "Hi Ard-chan." Phoebe looked around. "I hear there's this Normalizer thing here..." "Yeah, but--" Ardweden blinked as Phoebe joined the growing group. Then she jumped as a big tattooed guy walked over and threw a punch at John, who managed to dodge. "What--" "We gotta stop this somehow," Damien said. Then he blinked as Illyria ran up the stairs into the attic. "Phoebe!" she yelled. "Illyria!" Ardweden called. "Phoebe, what--" Then she scrambled backward as Chaos came running up the stairs, towing two slender guys with long dyed hair, on what seemed to be long leashes. The pair immediately launched themselves to John's aid, and a huge melee developed, John yelling "Oh my! Oh my!" for some reason. Ardweden looked around helplessly. Arguing and fighting surrounded her. John, Chaos, the Impro Fight Club and the two leashed guys (who were surprisingly acrobatic) were locked in conflict, and on the other side of the attic, Illyria, Phoebe, Epsilon and Blade were fighting over the Normalizer-- Which had somehow fallen forward and was lying on the floor right in front of her. Ardweden stared at the Normalizer. Then, things clicked together in her mind. She knelt down and examined it. It was a featureless plastic case, about the size of a laptop computer from a year ago. On the front were a bunch of controls. She turned all the dials to their maximum, and pressed the switch marked 'Power'. A low hum began to emanate from the box, and the only other control, a big red button, began to blink. The noise in the attic petered out quickly once everyone realized what she was doing. "Why don't we at least see if it works, first?" Ardweden asked, and pressed the button. "NO--" a dozen voices yelled. Normality happened. ===== Something clamped down on the world. Some intangible, gray vise, squeezing reality like an orange under a steel-toed boot, draining the juice and color to leave it dry and sterile. Ardweden blinked once, as everything was suddenly dull to her senses, and a slight buzzing sounded in the back of her head. And then, just as suddenly, it stopped. Feeling returned to the world, and the immense pressure was gone in an instant. Ardweden blinked again. Silence hung over the attic. She reached down and pressed the button again. Then she flicked the switch, back and forth. Then she turned the dials, just for good measure. Nothing happened. Damien walked over to her. "Ard? What did you..." "It doesn't work? Is that it?" Illyria walked over and folded her arms. "No," Ardweden said slowly. "I think it did work. It just worked too well." She looked up, and saw John smiling at her. She grinned. "That's it, isn't it?" "The Normalizer itself isn't normal," John said. "Therefore, when Ardweden turned it on, the first thing it normalized..." "Was itself," Chaos finished. "Wow! That's awesome! Poetic and everything!" Damien chuckled. "Guess it was a design flaw." "You are not ready for normality," John said. "The hell with this," Ivar muttered. "This time we really are moving to Thailand." The Impro Fight Club stalked down the stairs. "Hm. Well, I guess that's over." Illyria looked around, then blinked. "Phoebe! Where did she--ooh!" Illyria ran down the stairs. John turned to the two dyed hair guys. "Matt, Jeff, thanks for your help. I'm a big fan, you know." Matt and Jeff, still leashed, nodded and began signing autographs. "...Wai! I did it!" Ardweden hugged Damien tightly. "I took care of the Normalizer!" "Way to go, Ard-sama!" "You kicked ass, Ard-sama!" Ardweden grimaced. "Though maybe there was a use for it after all..." Damien smiled, and returned Ardweden's hug. "Yeah, that was great work." "That was pretty fun," Chaos said. "We should do it again sometime." Ardweden smiled at her. "Thanks, Chaos-san. We couldn't have done it without you." Chaos glowed with pleasure. Ardweden then walked over to John, who had finished talking with the young fighters. "John, you--" Then she blinked. "Wait, are you hurt?" John shrugged, rubbing his face. "Just physical pain. I'll be okay." "Okay. Well, thanks." She gave him a hug. John hugged back. "Glad to help." "Hey, anybody want some squirrel head?" Everyone turned to see Rain and Aaron looking at them. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" ===== Aaron: Sea World Aaron Shattuck: Attic Anko: Chez Impro Ardweden: Attic BlackMage: Game Room Blade: Not in the Attic Calculus: Isle of the Catguys Chris: Basement ColdFury: GGG Damien Roc: Attic Dan: Isle of the Catguys Delfina: Isle of the Catguys - in the Ragnarok Epsilon: Not in the Attic Eslington: Family Room Eternal Lost Lurker: Kitchen Fatman: Kitchen H: Chez Impro HottCoffee: Game Room Jake: Sea World Jesse: Basement Jonatan: Isle of the Catguys Kate Malloy: Chez Impro Katy: Chez Impro Kimberli: Chez Impro Illyria: Chez Impro Lady Chaos: Attic Lawrence: Sea World Lusipher: Bar - still disguised as "K-Sama" Mark Poa: Chez Impro Myth: Family Room NeoVid: Sea World Nick: Chez Impro nihility (Eric): Sea World Omi no Miko: Chez Impro Phoebe: Chez Impro Rain: Attic Rags: Sea World Random: Sea World ravi: Chez Impro Roe: Isle of the Catguys Squall: Attic Stephica: Chez Impro Steve Scougall: Chez Impro Tameran: Chez Impro Todd: Isle of the Catguys Twoflower: Bar - disguised as Nick Carter Wang Tu Chun Out cold - Bedroom W4: Dead - Sea World Yun Cheolsu: Sea World Chippy: Glove compartment Cousin Pete: Dead - Attic Dragon: Sea World Evil Neighbours From Hell: Next door to Chez Impro Hardhead Fred: Dead - Attic Iron Chef Chen Kenichi: Kitchen Jess: Chez Impro Keith Richards: Dragon's Dinner Leonardo DiCaprio: Dead Mecha Tom Green: Sea World - Doing bizarre things to W4 Quistis: Bar Ragnarok: Fleeing the Isle of the Catguys Ura: Bar Zombie Elvis: Still Dead - Bar ===== "And in conclusion, I hate you all." --Dilbert Author's Note Thanks go to: Ardweden and DR for letting me use them in this story Ardweden also for doing research and being encouraging ravi, for providing inspiration (with his chapter), answering questions, and doing research Phoebe for giving me a scene idea Myth and Eslington for giving me a scene idea Yun for listening to my ideas (I think) Roe for listening to my ideas (I know) Joseph Campbell for his ideas Story notes: Ravi begged me not to bring the Fight Club back. I tried to reassure him by making sure that they're actually going to leave and never come back. Also, I realize that a number of things about the story are perhaps a little forced...and I made some decisions that might not have made for the best story in *every* respect. (I mean, after Yun went to so much trouble to set up that expedition...) But, I wrote it the way I wanted to. I'm not going to apologize. The party024.z5 file provided with this chapter is a story file, to be used with a Z-machine interpreter. A good interpreter is Frotz, which can be found at: http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Heights/3222/frotz.html That page has versions of Frotz for many different computing platforms. However, if you're using Windows (as I have a feeling many of you are), you can just go to the WinFrotz page: http://www.cris.com/~Twist/WinFrotz/ If you're curious, the story file was created with Inform, which can be found at: http://www.cris.com/~Twist/WinFrotz/ And there it is. I've waited a long time for this chance, and...there it is. John Evans johne@mit.edu 2/18/00 Beware the Radish