Cham blinked and looked around. People were still wandering, sampling cheese. Aaron Shattuck and Rain were nowhere to be seen. This could either be a good sign or a bad sign. He blinked again. A vague memory of something was starting to surface... ****flashback***** "And just WHAT do you think you're doing?" the annoyed-sounding male voice said. Nick turned around to face the food interloper. "Just taking some cheese to snack on later," he said. An idea came to his head, and he waved his hand, concentrating. "Nothing to worry about." ".. nothing to worry about," Cham repeated. "I can load up the rest of my ziplock bags and retreat to the living room now," Nick said, with the same handwave. "You can load up the rest of the ziplocks and go back to the living room," Cham repeated mechanically. Nick smirked as he started filling another ziplock bag. "Did you just use the Force on Cham?" asked Mechalink. Nick turned around. "Excuse me? Oh, that. Yeah, I think so," he replied, sweatdropping. *****end flashback***** Nick! He would get revenge upon Nick for using the Force upon him! Raising a clenched fist into the air, he cried, "Nick Marquardt! I will have my REVENGE!" Several nearby party members quickly moved away. "Um, Cham?" Mechalink ventured. "Nick left in the last episode...I mean a little bit ago, with his girlfriend." "What?! Gone before I could...oh never mind." Cham picked up a piece of cheese from a nearby table. "Ooh, Muenster!" Mechalink sweatdropped. ***** ImproParty Part 34: Four Weddings and a Funeral By Delfina Hosted by IFF Created by Woofer, who has decided to be less formal and not go by Kichigaisakka W4 anymore. ***** Delfina wandered aimlessly through Chez Impro. She'd found some ice cream, eaten it happily, and now couldn't remember what she was doing before. She paused as she heard a knock coming from somewhere close by. Looking around, she tried to detect the source. Then it hit her. The door that is. "Wah!" "Oh, no! I'm sorry!" Delfina looked up to see a young man standing over her who appeared to be extremely embarrassed. He offered her a hand to help her up, and she noticed that he was wearing some kind of device around his waist. "It's okay," she said as she accepted the help. "Who are you, anyways? And what's that thing around your waist?" "I'm Zrith, and I'm wearing a uh...chastity belt." Delfina giggled. "Really? A chastity belt? Why?" "Certain Impro members scare me." Delfina started poking it, while Zrith looked uneasy. "Where's the key, hm? Can I have it? Please? I want to see how it works!" "No, no! I want to leave it locked!" Delfina looked at Zrith, turning her Aura of Kawaii on half-force (not many can withstand it at full-force) and smiled cutely. "*Please*, Zrith-chan?" "Uh...um...sure..." Zrith managed to get out as he handed her the key. "Wai!" Taking the key she started to fiddle with the lock. "Delfina-chan! I have to show you my invention!" Omi no Miko ran up to her and held up a large object that looked like a rocket launcher, only with lots of shiny buttons and glowing with a pale blue light. Putting the key in her pocket for safekeeping, Delfina asked, "What is it, Omi-chan?" "It's a..." Omi no Miko powerposed, "...Bishounenizer!" "Wow! Let's try it out! Use Zrith here!" Zrith gulped and started backing away. "Well, see that's the problem. I need a few more things to make it work right. I already have the grape jello, whipped cream, and skittles. Now I need to get the essence of some bishounen as the final ingredient." Delfina hmed. "We need to go bishounen-napping!" "Right! But what are we going to use to go bishounen-napping in? We'll never fit all of them in the Champagne Minivan!" "Did you say, bishounen-napping?" Todd asked, appearing through the magical power of plot-contrivance next to Delfina. "Niichan!" Delfina gave Todd a hug. "We need a big vehicle to capture bishounens in. Can we borrow the Ragnarok?" "Hm," Todd mused. "What will you give me for it?" Delfina rummaged through her pockets for a moment and pulled out a key. "The key to Zrith's chastity belt?" "Deal." "Ack!" A Zrith-shaped cloud appeared suddenly where Zrith used to be. "Jumpy, isn't he?" Todd noted. Delfina and Omi no Miko nodded. "All right, let's go get the Ragnarok ready. We need to figure out where to go." Omi no Miko held up a list. "Actually, I've already done all that! I've got the coordinates and everything to a few universes that are chock-full of bishounen!" "I thought you weren't good at math, Omi-chan?" Delfina asked. Omi no Miko grinned. "But this is different! There's a bishounen at the end of this math problem!" "Oh." "Cool, let's go get the Ragnarok then. Are we going to be doing all of this ourselves, though? There could be (gasp) hostile bishounen out there!" Todd grinned. "Although I certainly wouldn't mind if they struggle." "Ooh, struggling bishounen..." Omi no Miko drooled, then snapped to attention. "We can't have them struggling too much though because we need the essence whole for my Bishounenizer." Delfina looked concerned. "We're not going to hurt them, are we?" "No, no, of course not. Don't worry, your membership in the Society for the Human Treatment of Bishounen is safe," Omi and Todd flashed their own membership cards. ***** Somewhere, Ardweden rolled her eyes. ***** "Okay, good. You two go get our ride ready, I'll assemble a team!" Omi and Todd nodded and headed out to the parking lot while Delfina started punching buttons on her WBC wrist communicator. ***** ELRutt paused at the walkway into Chez Impro. "Wow! I'm finally at the --" ***** Twoflower hmed. "Did I just run over something?" He backed the van up and went over the bump in the road again. "Guess I did. Anyways, I'd better go get these sodas to the party!" He hit the gas on the champagne minivan and sped off, going over whatever it was yet again. ***** ELRutt gasped from his crushed position on the ground. "Was that...Twoflower?" ***** *WAIWAIWAI* "Where's that coming from?" Roe asked, looking around for the source. Phoebe and Angelcat exchanged glances then as one looked at their WBC communicators. "Phoebe here." "Angelcat reporting." "Wai! Bishounen-napping! I'm game." "Me too!" "Who are you two talking to?" Roe asked, trying to look at what was capturing their attention. "Will do! Phoebe, over and out!" Phoebe turned to Roe. "Gotta go! Come on, Angelcat!" Angelcat nodded. "Roger that, Angelcat signing off! Let's go, Phoebe!" The two ran out of the room, leaving Roe in their dust. "Um...okay..." ***** Illyria was bored. So were her companions, Kate, Scott, and Greg. They'd been in the basement for the last few episodes and wanted something to do. *WAIWAIWAI* Illyria blinked, then looked at her wrist communicator. "Wow, these actually work?" Kate looked at her communicator. "Kate here. What's up?" "Cool, I'm in!" Kate exclaimed. "Wai! Bishounen-napping!" Scott grinned. "Can I go?" "Me too! Don't leave me down here!" Greg said. "Lemme ask her," Illyria said. "Del?" "...Mind if Scott and Greg go along for the ride?" "Yup. Illyria, over and out." "Kate, over and out." ***** The Cheese Fest was still going on. People had started trickling back once they found out that Aaron Shattuck and Rain were nowhere to be seen. (Where did they go? Ah...that, is a thingthatwillberevealeadlateron.) Dan peered at one of the plates. "Hm. Gouda." He started to reach for it when Myth and Eslington jostled him. "Hey, watch it." "Whoops, sorry Dan," Myth apologized. "Pardon me, Dan," Eslington said. Dan nodded. "No problem." He picked up a piece and started to eat it. "Mm." "Yes, the Gouda is nice, isn't it?" Lady Chaos handed Dan another piece. "Hi, Lady Chaos," Eslington said. "How are you?" "I'm fine, you?" "Has anyone seen Greg?" The quartet turned to look at the newcomer. "Oh, hi Samantha," Myth said. "No, I haven't, not for a few episodes." Samantha looked disappointed. "Oh well. I was going to ask him --" *WAIWAIWAI* "Hey, cool. A WBC call." Dan flicked his communicator on. "Dan reporting." "WBC! Wai!" Myth looked at her wrist while Eslington stared at her confusedly. "Myth here!" Lady Chaos and Samantha blinked and turned theirs on as well. "Samantha here." "Lady Chaos reporting." "...um, I feel like I'm being left out of something here. What's the WBC?" Eslington asked. "Wai! Bishounen-napping!" Myth cried. "I'm in!" "Me too." "Ditto." "Let's go already! Where are we meeting?" "Yeah, yeah. Dan signing off." "Be right there, Delfina-chan. Myth signing off." "Wai wai! Samantha signing off." "Ooh...can we kidnap some Final Fantasy bishounen? I claim Squall." "Oh pooh. Lady Chaos out." Eslington tugged at Myth. "Where are you going?" "Bishounen-napping!" "Oh. I think I'll go watch TV with Steve." Eslington went over to sit by the Australian. Mechalink wandered up and grabbed Dan's arm. "Please...take me with you! I have GOT to get away from this cheese fest!" Dan shrugged. "Sure, come on." "THANK YOU!!!" ***** ELRutt looked around. He was finally inside Chez Impro. Now he'd get to meet all of those cool Improers in person! True, he was a little worse for wear after Twoflower ran over him, what, three times? But that doesn't matter. He was going to have some fun! ELRutt stumbled into a room at random and sagged into a corner. His vision was still fuzzy, but at least he wasn't bleeding much now... "Er, hello. You'd be...?" The voice seemed to be coming from a vaguely human-shaped blur near the back of the room. "I'm ELRutt. ...ow...got any Band-Aids?" "Not at the moment, sorry. You might know me as Calculus." "Ah, Calc? I was hoping to find you here. I need some help with Window -" "Sure, one moment. Here, could you hold onto these wires?" "Uh, okay." ELRutt grabbed the wires on the third or fourth try, and stared at them vaguely. "What do you need me to do?" "Just one moment...ah...yes, those are the right wires. Okay, power supply -" *click* "On." ELRutt twitched a few times and then sank to the floor. Calculus waited a minute before turning the switch back off. "I *don't* do Windows." ***** Delfina ran through the halls of Chez Impro looking for her twin. Opening a random door she called out, "Ard? Hey, you in there?" She was greeted by the scent of roasted meat and a slightly annoyed Calculus. "Cal-chan?" Calculus looked up from his task. "Hm? Oh, hi Del. What's up?" "Going bishounen-napping. Seen my sister anywhere?" "No, sorry, I'm not doing anything though, want me to help you look?" "Hey sure!" *WAIWAIWAI* "Um, did your wrist just go 'Waiwaiwai'?" Delfina nodded and pressed a button on her wrist communicator. "Delfina speaking." "Darn it, haven't found Tsuin-chan though." "Aww...okay. I'll be right there. Delfina signing off." "Where are you going, exactly?" "Not sure really. Want to come? Omi no Miko and Todd are driving." Calculus sweatdropped. "Oh...I think I'll just wait here and tell Ard where you're going..." Delfina frowned. "I'm afraid that I can't let you do that, Cal-chan." "What?!" Delfina giggled. "I just wanted to say that. Come on, let's go!" Dragging Calculus, despite his protests, she ran over to the Ragnarok. ***** Ardweden and Ravi stared at the two maniacs currently occupying the kitchen. "Have some squirrel, Ardweden!" "It tastes delicious, doesn't it Rain?" "Certainly!" "Um...you know, I think I hear someone calling me..." Ravi nodded furiously. "You too, Ard? We should go see what they want..." Tugging at Ardweden, he made a break for the door. ***** Stephica strode the hallways of Chez Impro, heels clicking when she crossed tiled or stoneware floors. Architects worldwide were cringing at the thought of what five-inch stilettos could do to the structural integrity of any multistory building. She clenched and unclenched her fists, each step more vicious than the last. The ImproGoddess was on her third circuit of the house and grounds when she finally made a determined march towards the telephone in the front hall. As she put her hand on the receiver, another hand closed over hers. "What the-" she started, calling a Burning Hands spell to mind, then looked up. "Oh, it's you." Ravi, the ImproGigolo, stared down at her. "Are you okay, Stephica-sama? You seem a little perturbed." "Hi, Stephi." Ardweden said. Stephica took a deep breath. "No, I'm NOT okay. I'm-" A pregnant pause. "BORED!" The petite blonde let out an explosive exhale. Ravi just blinked at her for several seconds, before managing a weak "But why?" Ardweden nodded in agreement. "I have long since ceased to be amused, that's why," Stephica replied, putting her hands on her hips. This caused her chest to thrust out, and had Ravi been less than the ImproGigolo, he might have had a nosebleed. As it was, he developed a momentary tickle in his left nostril. Ardweden snickered. "Well, why don't you find another victim- I mean, opponent- and play strip chess?" "Lost its appeal when Woof died." "Hmm... What about beach volleyball?" "Not enough people interested, and besides, I've had enough sunburn for one year." "Cooking with the Iron Chef?" "I'm the ImproGoddess, not a domestic goddess." "Video games?" Stephica just quirked her eyebrow. "...Or not," Ravi finished lamely. Ardweden sweatdropped. The ImproGoddess sighed. "Thanks for caring, Ravi, Ard-ri, but there's very little that could make me stay any longer." "Not even-" Ravi started, but the blonde quickly pressed a finger to his lips. "'It must be worth losing if it is worth something,'" she quoted. "So what would make you stay?" The woman considered this for a moment. "I might be persuaded to stay if someone dressed Jonkun up in a pink ballerina costume." Ravi and Ardweden stared at her. "I'm joking." She reached for the phone again. "Now, if you'll excuse me." Ravi and Ardweden watched her dial a number with lightning speed, then heard her say, "'They don't need me here, and I know you're there'", then she nodded once and hung up the phone. For the first time in a very long while, the ImproGoddess appeared satisfied. ***** "Yosh! All right, troops, let's go nab some bishounen!" "WAI!" replied the assembled bishounen-nappers. Each held a net and a bishounen-tracker (which looked kinda like a Gameboy) and were wearing camouflage clothing. "Now, remember...some of these bishounen may be hostile! But never fear! Your bishounen-tracker comes complete with a bishounen-stunner! Now, remember, we need thirteen. Here's the list: There's one bishounen for each of you, well, except for Calculus and Mechalink who have graciously opted to stay with the Ragnarok. Now, Kate, Illyria, Scott, and Greg are going to get the Kenshin crew." "Yosh!" The four stepped forward and saluted. "Your targets are Kenshin, Sanosuke, his friend Katsuhiro, and Aoshi. Next team will be Samantha, Myth, Dan, Angelcat, and Lady Chaos. You'll be going to get some Fushigi Yuugi bishounen, namely Tamahome, Hotohori, Nuriko, Tasuki, and Chichiri." "Yosh!" The five stepped forward and saluted. Omi no Miko grinned. "Final team is Delfina, Todd, Phoebe, and I. We're going to get the Weiss Kreuz crew. Yohji, Aya, Omi, and Ken." "Wai! I claim Ken!" Delfina bounced up and down excitedly. The rest of the party sweatdropped. ***** The doorbell rang. "Could someone get that?" Roe called from in front of a game system. He'd come downstairs after Phoebe and Angelcat had left. "You get it!" Damien Roc responded. "I'm busy!" the admin replied, busily trying to school Montae at Rival Schools. "Dingdong," the doorbell said again. "Could someone PLEASE get that?" Roe called again. "YOU get it!" Rags responded. "I'm BUSY!" the admin yelled. "DINGdong," the doorbell cried. "DAMMIT, SOMEone get THAT!" Roe shrieked. "YOU GET IT!" a chorus of voices answered. "But I'm BUSY!" the admin insisted. "[DINGDONG]" the doorbell demanded. "GODDAMMIT!" Roe wailed, realizing his concentration had been broken. "ANSWER IT!" came the response. "BUT I'm LOSING!" the admin whined. "OOSHA! I'LL GET IT!" There was a momentary pause while everyone stopped what they were doing and just stared at ColdFury. Then Roe broke the silence with: "Oh, while you're up, could you get me a Diet Dr. Pepper?" (And thus another "Caffeine and Huggies" moment was witnessed and recorded.) ColdFury, resplendent in his pink gi and headband, rolled up to the front door, taunted the doorknob, then opened it. There was no one there. "Ano?" the DanFan muttered, scratching the back of his head. He started to close the door when he happened to glance down. Sitting on the welcome mat was a Can of Spam wearing a bandanna. ColdFury stared at it for a moment, and his line of sight traced beyond the Spam and into the circular driveway. A motorcycle. A man on a motorcycle. A naked man on a motorcycle. Well, he wasn't completely naked. He wore a helmet and a keyboard. "Ah, that would be my ride," a feminine voice said from behind His Pinkness. ColdFury turned to see Stephica striding towards him, wearing a black leather catsuit and black stiletto boots. It was the most clothing she'd worn since arriving, yet it left little to the imagination. His nose began to leak blood. She breezed past him, a trail of lavender in her wake, and scooped up the Can of Spam as she crossed the threshold. Cradling the Spam in her left elbow, she reached down the front of her catsuit with her right hand and pulled a visored helmet from... somewhere. It took ColdFury a moment to realize the ImproGoddess had just accessed CleavageSpace while still on Chez Impro soil. Stephica turned back once she reached the motorcycle and gave him a blinding smile. "Rules were meant to be broken," she called. Then she mounted the bike with a show that would have caused alarm to the Red Cross, tucked the Spam into a saddlebag, and waved as she and her escorts took off with a roar and a cloud of dust. Coughing, ColdFury managed to catch the license plate on the motorcycle: "MADPKR". On the wind, he thought he could faintly hear someone singing, "I'll idealize and realize that it's no sacrifice because the price is paid, and there's nothing left to grieve, f*ckin' go... Cuz I do know what's best for me, and I've done what I could for you, but you're not benefiting..." ***** Illyria, Kate, Scott, and Greg looked at the bishounen assembled in front of them. Kenshin had pulled his Sakaba sword out, Sanosuke was ready to throw a punch, Aoshi had his short swords held in front of him, and Katsuhiro held two bombs out, ready to throw. "So this is what she meant by hostile bishounen..." Greg mused. "Wow, no kidding!" Kate exclaimed. "So what are we going to do?" Illyria asked. "We're kind of stuck here..." "Why not just use the bishounen-stunner?" Scott aimed the device at the bishounen and hit the 'stun' button. All four of them promptly fell over. "Neat. Quick! Let's get 'em while they're asleep!" "Right!" Illyria turned on her communicator. "Hey, Cal? Come pick us up, we bagged them." Illyria snickered. "Maybe. Illyria, over and out." ***** "Tasuki-sama...ooh, I want him! Can I?" Samantha jumped up and down and pointed at the bishounen they'd just spotted. Actually, the Seven Seishi of Suzaku were all together, having a picnic lunch. "We were only told to get five..." "Well, one's a kid and one doesn't really qualify as bishounen," Angelcat noted. "Let's just get them already!" Myth said. Lady Chaos nodded. "We can sneak in close and then stun them. It should be easy." "Aww, can't we let them struggle a little first?" Dan asked. "It'll be fun!" "Last one to grab one is a rotten egg!" Myth cried as she ran down to the party below. The bishounen around her stood up as soon as they saw her, then with a push of the 'stun' button they fell to the earth. Myth immediately jumped on one and stuffed him in her bag. Flicking on her communicator, she called Calculus. "Hey Cal-chan? Come and pick us up. This was a piece of cake." ***** Omi no Miko, Delfina, Phoebe, and Todd wandered around the flower shop with delight. "Ooh, these are so pretty!" Delfina said, as she picked up an arrangement of white lilies and pink roses. "I'm glad you like them," said a man standing beside her. Delfina looked up. "Yes, it's my favorite. Ano, why are you wearing goggles?" Ken chuckled. "They look cool?" "Ah, I see. Would you mind stepping outside with me for a moment?" In another corner of the store, Phoebe noticed the two walking outside. "Looks like Delfina's got her target." Todd nodded. "Yup. And ours are walking this way right now..." A tall man with sunglasses, and a somewhat shorter one with brilliant red hair stepped over to them. "Have you found something you like?" Yohji asked, sidling up next to Phoebe. Phoebe grinned. "Why yes, I do believe I have." Todd snickered and thrust a bouquet into the redhead's hands. "I think I'll take these. Would you mind telling me about those flowers over there though?" Aya nodded. "Certainly." Omi no Miko sighed. Here she was, in her favorite-in-the-whole-of-anime-bishounen's flower shop. And he was standing right there! Summoning her courage, she walked over to Omi. "Um, hi." Omi turned to look at her and smiled, causing Omi no Miko's eyes to go sparkly. "Hello. Are you finding everything you need?" "Oh, yeah! I am. Um, could I ask you something?" "Sure." "Um, I'd really rather ask you in private, if that's all right." Deciding not to take no for an answer, Omi-chan dragged Omi-kun out to the back of the shop, where the rest of her team was waiting. Omi-kun blinked when he saw his partners in bags. "What's going on here?" Omi-chan looked at him somewhat sadly. "I hate to do this, but..." She aimed her stunner at him and pressed the button. "I think we're ready to go, Cal-chan." Delfina said. "You can pick us up now!" ***** Meanwhile, back in Chez Impro, WoofTwo and his minions were plotting. "This device will prove once and for all how evil we are!" Epsilon cried, as he held up an object that looked disturbingly similar to Omi no Miko's Bishounenizer. Chris looked at it and snickered. "What is that supposed to do?" "I got the plans from that Omi no Miko girl when she wasn't looking and altered them to make something appropriately evil. Behold! The Evilifier!" "So...what does it do?" "Don't mock the boss' stuff!" Chris and Blade glared at each other. "Quite simply, this little invention of mine will make everyone at Party a WoofTwo clone." "Good job, Epsi." WoofTwo commented. "Turn it on." Epsilon sweatdropped. "Well, there's just one more thing that we need in order to make it complete..." ***** Delfina looked at Omi-chan's newest invention somewhat concernedly. "Are you sure that it's not hurting them?" She glanced at the comatose bishounen lying on the ground. "Of course it's safe! You don't honestly think that I would do something that could harm my Omi-kun, do you?" She smiled brightly at the mentioned bishounen, who was being held captive along with the other bishounens in some kind of force field cage. For his part, Omi-kun looked pretty doubtful. "Um, right, Omi-chan," Phoebe said. "Give me the gun." "It's not a gun! It's a bishounen essence extractor!" Illyria sweatdropped. "How much longer til you're done, Omi-chan?" "Just for a little bit longer, meaning an undefined time frame in which certain plot elements can be fulfilled by the author until it's time for this particular plot to be headlined again." Todd's head poked in from the cockpit. "Hey, we're a little off-course here. We're going to make a pit stop in Kentucky while I try and get the systems back online." He then retreated back into the chamber, leaving the rest of the party to talk amongst themselves. "Kentucky?" Kate asked. "Isn't that where 'Hee-Haw' is filmed?" "What's 'Hee-Haw'?" Lady Chaos inquired. Scott patted her on the shoulder. "Be glad you don't know." "Hey, Myth, you're not jailbait here. Wanna get married?" Greg then had a fist come into close contact with his face. "What kind of proposal was that?! Honestly!" Myth fumed. Dan grinned. "Hey, Del, I'll marry you, as long as you agree that it would be a very open relationship. Heck, you can even have first crack at the bishounen! Ladies first, and all." Myth kicked Greg. "See? That was a much nicer proposal." Delfina snickered. "I'll think about it, Dan. But what if Todd found out?" "He'd kill me." Illyria nudged a fallen bishounen with her toe. "I want to get married." She looked around the room at all of the ImproGuys present, with her gaze finally falling on Calculus. "Calc! Let's get married!" "Ack!" Calculus made an attempt to flee but was tackled by Angelcat and Samantha. "Thanks, girls!" Illyria powerposed. "Let's see, we're in Kentucky, we need to dress for the occasion! Myth-chan, could I borrow your wardrobe materia?" "Sure!" Myth handed the jewel over to Illyria. "Wardrobe! Kentucky Country Hick!" Poof! Illyria appeared with her hair in pigtails, cutoffs, and a blousy crop top. "Cool. Kate, would you be my Maid of Honor?" "Of course!" "Ooh, and I want Greg and ...ooh, I wish Kimberli was here...to be bridesmaids..." "..." Greg ...'ed. "Well, I want Ravi to be my Best Man, and he's not here, so looks like we're going to have to --" "Hold up! I have a solution!" Dan pulled a Weight-of-Kimberli and a Weight-of-Ravi doll out of Weight-of-Doll space. "Perfect!" Illyria exclaimed. "Now all we need is a priest!" Omi-chan looked up from her work briefly. "Del can do it. I would, but I'm busy." "I can do what?" "Marry Illyria and Calc. You're the Vice-President of the WBC, you do the ceremonial marriage of the bishounen to our harem, right?" Delfina blinked. "Oh yeah, forgot about that." She raised a hand into the air and shouted, "DEL-CHAN KAWAII HENSHIN THINGAMAJIGGY!" After the requisite special effects, she appeared in an outfit similar to Belldandy's Goddess uniform. "Ano...harem?" "Be quiet, Cal. Delfina, are you ready?" Delfina nodded. "Now, Cal-chan, you stand right there, Illyria you stand there..." She started giving out directions directing the wedding party and their guests to their proper places. Illyria handed the wardrobe materia to Kate. "Here, I want you, Greg, and Kim...erm, the Weight-of-Kim doll all to wear Jessie's uniform!" Kate nodded. "Wardrobe! Jessie!" Poof, and Greg (albeit looking very uncomfortable), Kate, and the Weight-of-Kimberli doll all appeared in the Team Rocket member's uniform. Delfina pulled out a large tome. "Okay, ready?" "Yes!" "No!" *whap* "...yes." "Okay! Do you, Illyria, take this man to be your husband, to love and to cherish, and to blah blah blah blah blah join the WBC harem blah blah blah blah blah blah, til death do you part?" "I do!" "Cal-chan, do you, take this ImproFemme to be your wife, to love and to cherish, and to blah blah blah blah blah join the WBC harem blah blah blah blah til death do you part?" "...Did I hear you say WBC harem?" The Maid of Honor promptly thwacked him in the back of his head. "Uh, I do?" "Wai! I now pronounce you, husband and wife!" "Wai!" Illyria said, grabbing Calculus and giving him a long, deep, lingering kiss. Calculus turned beet reed. Scott and Kate came up to Delfina. "Do you think you could marry us too?" "Eh? Sure, why not!" Kate went over to Dan and whispered something, then he produced a Weight-of-Ardweden doll and a Weight-of-Stephica doll. They were then set up as Kate's bridesmaids. "Hey, Phoebe? Would you be my Maid of Honor?" "I'd love to!" Mechalink looked at the Weight-of-Ardweden doll and sighed, then turned to Scott. "So who's your Best Man?" Scott shrugged. "I'll just use the Weight-of-Ravi doll." Delfina sighed. "Okay, Kate, do you--" "I do!" "Scott, do you--" "I do!" "Okay, by the power invested in me, you are now --" "Wai!" Dan snickered. "Anyone else want to get married?" Phoebe suddenly grinned evilly and walked over to Mechalink while everyone else was distracted. Making a few signs on his back, she pulled out some powder and blew it into his face. "Hehehe...I haven't been evil in a while..." Mechalink stood up and walked over to Delfina. "I'd like to get married." Samantha blinked. "To who?" He pointed at the Weight-of-Ardweden doll. "To her!" Massive facefault. "Ano...Mechalink, you know that that's only a Weight-of-Ardweden doll, right?" Lady Chaos said. He shook his head. "No! That's Ard-chan and I love her!" Phoebe smirked. "I'll be a bridesmaid." Delfina looked confused. "Um, are you sure, Mechalink?" "Positive!" "Well...all right then...Do you, Mechalink, take this, ah, Weight-of-Ardweden doll--" "That's Ard-chan!" "--to be your lawfully wedded wife?" "I do!" Delfina sweatdropped. "Okay...do you, um, Ard-chan, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Phoebe leaned forward and threw her voice. "I do!" "Okay...well, by the power vested in me by the WBC, I now pronounce you husband and...wife." "Wai!" ***** Epsilon nudged WoofTwo with his foot. "Wake up!" "You didn't kill our master, did you, Epsi?" Chris asked, with a slight sneer. "Thou shalt not--" "Yeah, yeah, we know. Anyways, is that device of yours finished now?" Epsilon nodded. "It is complete. Now all we have to do is activate it." "How do we do that?" "We just have to go upstairs and activate it in the general area of the Party." "But won't we get hit too?" "It causes us to become clones of WoofTwo, and I could not imagine a greater honor than to be as one with our master!" Blade nodded. "Yeah! Let's do it!" ***** Ravi and Ardweden wandered around the halls of Chez Impro aimlessly. "Well, what do you want to do?" Ardweden asked. Ravi shrugged. "Hey, you know, all of the ImproFemales are gone. Wonder where they went?" Ardweden blinked. "That's right! I wonder where they are. Tsuin-chan's gone, Omi-chan is gone..." "I hope they're not plotting something evil without us." "No, but I bet Epsilon, Blade, and Chris have some sort of big plot going on." Ravi looked at Ardweden curiously. "Why do you think that?" Ardweden pointed at the trio trying to be unnoticeable in the crowds at Chez Impro setting up a large device. "Because they're trying to set up some large device and to not attract attention while they're doing it?" Ravi nodded. "Yeah, that could be a definite clue. Let's go check it out." The two snuck over to where WoofTwo's minions were setting up camp. ***** Todd peeked into the room again. "Hey, we're back at Chez Impro." "Really? Wow, that was fast." Mechalink noted. "Oh, my dear Weight-of-Ardweden doll, I can't wait to introduce you to everyone!" Massive sweatdrop. Omi-chan powerposed. "I. AM. FINISHED! BEHOLD MY ULTIMATE CREATION!" She held up the Bishounenizer. "Wai!" Angelcat removed her hands from her ears. "Eeps. Did you have to be so loud?" Omi-chan ignored her and went on. "It's done! Now all we need to do is activate it! Todd, could you hover over Chez Impro while I set it up?" "Eh? I can do that." ***** ELRutt decided that maybe sitting on the roof, away from the crazy people down there, would be a good thing. He'd been set on fire, forced to eat squirrel, forced to wear Delfina's translucent Bondi blue one piece and paraded around the MTV beach house, only to be buggered simultaneously by Tom Green and Mecha Tom Green, and finally, that Roe guy had made a voodoo doll of him and kept sticking pins in it every once in a while. "Ouch!" He really needed to get that doll away from him. He stretched out, and noticed the Ragnarok directly overhead. And was that shiny glint some sort of weapon being pointed at him? He decided to close his eyes. Nah, no one would be shooting anything at him…" ***** Epsilon finished the setup and powerposed. "Ha! You will succumb to WoofTwo's wishes!" He pressed the button, and the world started to glow a deep red. "Not if I can help it!" cried Ardweden, as she flung her aura lute into the device. "Nooo!!!" Blade screamed and threw himself on top of the Evilifier, causing the aura lute to be shoved into the device, disappearing from sight. The glow changed from a deep red to a pink color and started to flow everywhere... ***** "Here, Todd. You can press the button." "Wai! Thanks Omi-chan." Pushing the button, he watched with delight as a blue light started to flow upon the party grounds, encompassing all of Chez Impro. He then frowned as he noticed the pink light coming out from inside of Chez Impro. It mixed together with the blue light and formed a purple light (yup, basic art class). "Uh, what's going on?" Delfina leaned over. "Hm. I wonder what's going on?" ***** On the roof, ELRutt received an enormous amount of bishounen energy. He immediately burnt up, leaving behind only a pile of ashes, which were swept away in the wind. ***** At the party, some interesting things were happening. With the altered power of the Evilifier hitting everyone at the same time as the Bishounenizer, a lot of what occurred was unexpected. The Evilifier's rays hit Twoflower, Rags, ChrisN, Damien, Yu-Mei, Jonatan, Lurker, Blade, Scott, BlackMage, Greg and Jesse Elman. They were promptly transformed into somewhat evil looking plushies. (Scott and Greg were quickly glomped by Kate and Samantha, respectively.) The ones hit by the Bishounenizer's rays, however, didn't notice what had happened to them immediately. ***** Ardweden brushed herself off and looked around. Chez Impro looked much the worse for wear. "Need a hand, Ard?" Ardweden looked up at a tall, dark bishounen standing next to her. "Who are you?" "Ard? You okay? I'm Montae." He looked at her somewhat confusedly. "Montae? But you're..." Ardweden started to look at the various ImproGuys around her. "Ravi, you too?" "Huh?" Ardweden started running through Chez Impro. "Cham? Steven Scougall? Eslington? NeoVid? Mark Poa? Zrith? Roe? ColdFury?? Oh my, even Epsilon?!" Montae and Ravi were close behind her. "Ard, what's wrong?" "Are you okay, Ard?" Ardweden grabbed them and turned them to face each other. "Look at yourselves! You're...bishounen!" ***** On the Ragnarok, three newly-made bishounen were facing the members of the WBC club somewhat warily. Well, two were. One was quite thrilled, actually. "Wai! I'm a bishounen! I should get laid a lot now!" Dan happydanced around the Ragnarok while Todd rolled his eyes. Calculus looked somewhat embarrassed. Illyria was hanging off of his arm and giggling. "Hey, how come Todd didn't change?" "Because *I* pressed the button." "That somehow isn't fair." Mechalink noted. "I didn't know it would affect us." "Aww, but you look so cute as a bishounen, Mechalink!" Delfina teased. "Anyways, let's go check out all of the yummy ImproGuys!" "Wai!" ***** "Uh, is that a bad thing, Ard?" Ravi asked, while sweeping his hair back in a bishounen manner. "No, I guess not..." Montae suddenly blushed. "Hey, Ard? Now that we're together like this, sorta..., could I ask you something?" Ardweden shrugged. "Sure, go ahead, Montae." Montae got down on one knee and produced a 4-carat round brilliant diamond set in a platinum band. Ardweden blinked. "Ard-chan, since I first met you, I felt happy. For the first time in years, I was actually happy. From the first time, I chatted with you until I saw your picture. Now that I've met you in person, I have fallen head over heels for you. I know I'm just a simple guy, I'm not really funny or handsome, a great writer or artist, or even rich or famous. All I could ever give to you is my heart and my love for you. It took me forever to work up the courage to say this... Ardweden, would you make me the happiest person on the planet and marry me?" "Tsuin-chan! That was just so sweet! Are you going to say yes?" Delfina rushed in and glomped her sister. Ardweden fell over. "Ack." Montae hurried to help her up. "Ah, well?" Ardweden hmm'ed. "Yes, I think I will." Montae fainted. Everyone else sweatdropped. ***** "I'm so nervous, Tsuin-chan!" "You'll be fine, Tsuin-chan. He's a nice guy." Delfina finished fixing Ardweden's veil and stepped back to look at her handiwork. "Wai! You look so kawaii!" "Yes, you look wonderful!" Phoebe exclaimed. "For once, I agree with Phoebe," Illyria added. "Um, I'm going to walk in between you two down the aisle, okay?" Angelcat nervously said. Todd poked his head in. "Ready?" They nodded. Phoebe, Angelcat, and Illyria started to walk out down the aisle. Delfina paused to give Ardweden a quick hug and then followed behind them a little ways. Todd offered Ardweden his hand and then escorted her down the aisle where Montae was waiting. ***** In a dark lair, two plushies were placed next to the now bishounen comatose body of WoofTwo by Epsilon. He sighed and sat down to wait for his master to awaken. ***** Author's Notes: Well, I hope that you liked this chapter. I wanted to do some things, and it just ended up getting bigger and bigger and bigger... Thanks to Cal for the one ELRutt scene, #iff for help on some of the others, everyone who sent me their numbers (some people I chose numbers for, or just didn't mention them, or...and this was fun, had chatters pick the numbers for you - this was usually done when you gave me a number and I couldn't find my notes that had the number written on it, sorry. ^_^;). Thanks to Montae for writing the proposal, thanks to everyone who let me marry them off or kill them...yes the title is Four Weddings and a Funeral, but the Funeral didn't actually happen, although ELRutt did die. Although weddings *could* be considered funerals..^_~. Hm...thanks Steph, for writing your exit scene, Roe for the voodoo doll idea...well guess that's all I can think of for now. Also thanks to Roe for letting me have some extra time. ^_^; This is like, one of the longest things I've ever done for IFF, scary, no? I hope I didn't forget anyone on the where is list...so many things happened to so many people I lost track of what happened to who. Oh yeah, and the ones were plushified, the twos were bishounenized. If you gave me a diff number and something else happened to you, I'm sorry but I must have lost it and had someone on chat pick it for you. I did not change anyone's number if I could help it. Oh, and the ImproGuys who don't have plushified or bishounenized next to their names, well assume that something happened to them. I'm sure CF will figure it out in his chapter. ^_^ And a special thanks to Mechalink. He got really screwed in this chapter, but was cool with it and let me keep that stuff in for the sake of comedy. ^_^; Thanks to Kate, Mechalink, and Ardweden for last-minute prereading. ^_^ ***** Dramatis Personae: Aaron Pinnick: Chez Impro - wedding Aaron Shattuck: Chez Impro - kitchen Angelcat: Chez Impro - wedding - bridesmaid Anko: Chez Impro - wedding Ardweden: Chez Impro - Wedding - Bride BlackMage: Chez Impro - somewhere, plushified Blade: Chez Impro - Subbasement, plushie W2 minion Calculus: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Cham: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Chris: Chez Impro - Subbasement, plushie W2 minion ColdFury: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Coyote: Chez Impro - wedding Damien Roc: Chez Impro - somewhere, plushified Dan: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Delfina: Chez Impro - Wedding - Maid of Honor Epsilon: Chez Impro - Subbasement, bishounen W2 minion Eslington: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Eternal Lost Lurker: Chez Impro - somewhere, plushified Falcon: Chez Impro - wedding Fatman: Chez Impro - wedding Greg: Chez Impro - wedding, plushified H: Chez Impro - current location unknown HottCoffee: Chez Impro - wedding Jake: Chez Impro - wedding Jeff: Chez Impro - wedding Jesse: Chez Impro - somewhere, plushified Jonatan: Chez Impro - somewhere, plushified Kate Malloy: Chez Impro - wedding Katy: Chez Impro - wedding Kimberli: Chez Impro - Iceberg Illyria: Chez Impro - wedding - bridesmaid Lady Chaos: Chez Impro - wedding Lawrence: Chez Impro - wedding Mark Poa: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Mechalink: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Montae: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized - groom Myth: Chez Impro - wedding NeoVid: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Nick: Chez Impro - Gone. nihility (Eric): Chez Impro - wedding Omi no Miko: Chez Impro - wedding - Priestess Phoebe: Chez Impro - wedding - bridesmaid Rain: Chez Impro - kitchen Rags: Chez Impro - somewhere, plushified Random: Chez Impro - wedding Ravi: Chez Impro - wedding - Best Man Robin: Chez Impro - wedding Roe: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Samantha: Chez Impro - wedding Scott Schimmel: Chez Impro - wedding, plushified Squall (John Evans): Chez Impro - wedding Stephica: Chez Impro - Gone. Steve Scougall: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Tameran: Chez Impro - wedding Todd: Chez Impro - wedding - Brother of the Bride Twoflower: Chez Impro - wedding, plushified VVerevvolf: Chez Impro - wedding Wang Tu Chung: Chez Impro - wedding W4: Dead still - back in iceberg grave Yun Cheolsu: Chez Impro - Freezer Zrith: Chez Impro - wedding, bishounenized Supporting Cast: Bimbos: Somewhere... Bishounen: Ragnarok Catguys: Somewhere... Chippy: Somewhere... WoofTwo: Subbasement, unconscious, bishouenized Cousin Pete: Moving away Dragon: Chez Impro - Front yard Evil Neighbors From Hell: Moving away Hardhead Fred: Moving away Iron Chef Chen Kenichi: Chez Impro - getting ready for reception Jess: Iceberg - calmed down by now, watching W4's grave Keith Richards: Abu Dhabi Kieran McWatson: The Past Kimberli's Mecha: Chez Impro - Iceberg Leonardo DiCaprio: Abu Dhabi Mysterious Man: Clone tanks Mecha Tom Green: Abu Dhabi Old Man: The Past Phineas McWatson: Dead - Past and Present Quistis: Chez Impro - wedding Ragnarok: Chez Impro - Parking lot Ura: Chez Impro - Iceberg Weight-of-Ardweden Doll: Chez Impro - Wedding with Mechalink Young Elvis: No longer dead - bartending