][ Aaron Shattuck HAS JOINED THE PARTY AS A GUEST 

Name: Aaron Shattuck 	Sex: M 	Physical Age: 19 	
True Age: 19 1/2
Also Goes By: Aaron, Shattuck, Aaron Shattuck (only pronounced 
wrong)
Height: 6' (I think) 	Weight: No scale available at this 
time. 	
Eyes: Blue     Hair: Blonde, unkempt, and in a pony tail
Contact Info:  dilandau2@hotmail.com

Primary Goal(s): 
- To follow his every whim and craving, no matter how 
repulsive or morally repugnant they may be.

Secondary Goal(s):
- To make 'em all squeal like piggies. Squa-weeeeeal like a 
piggy!

Strengths/Abilities:
- Frightening to children and 7-11 cashiers.
- Easily amused.
- Can go into a screaming, incoherent rant at the drop of a 
hat.
- Creatively sadistic.
- Free from all ethical and rational constraints.


Weaknesses/Quirks:
- Posses all the social skills of a rabid hippopotamus.
- Misfit by misfit standards.
- Creatively masochistic.
- Looses his voice fairly quickly during screaming, incoherent 
rants.
- Easily spooked by examples of advanced civilization. Like 
fire, and flash cameras.
- Finds it difficult to focus on anything that isn’t screaming 
for more than three seconds.
- Expelled from "Friday's".
- Screwed up John Evans' Koi joke.
- Makes self profiles way too long.

Likes:
- Dark humor.
- Not quite so dark humor.
- Torturing transvestite gnomes.
- Violinist of Hameln.
- Oh yeah, other anime, too.
- Manga.
- "Alternative" (whatever the hell that means) American comic 
books.
- Library books (free!)
- Mythology.
- Nick Cave.
- John Sladek.
- The collected fanfiction works of "Oscar" (alter-ego only. I 
swear.)
- Very, very bad things.
- Bringing pain to others.
- Cute li'l squirrels.


Dislikes:
- People who assume he's a fan of "Overfiend".
- People who simply MUST share their taste in music with the 
rest of the world.
- People who don't understand. No matter how many times I try 
to explain it to them, they just... don't... _understand_.
- Carcinogens.
- Apollo Smile (also known as "The Anti-Aaron Shattuck".)
- Anything good and pure.
- Most of the crap they try and pass off as "entertainment" in 
this country.
- Advertisement ("You have to buy, buy, buy! Hey, why aren’t 
you buying yet?! BUY, DAMN YOU, BUY! WHAT ARE YA, SOME SORT OF 
COMMIE?! BUY OR WE’LL KILL YOUR FAMILY! WE’LL BOIL YOUR PETS 
AND EAT THEM FOR DINNER! THEN WELL’S CUT SLITS IN YOUR 
EYEBALLS AND THROW SALT IN THEM! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?! HUH, 
MR.TOO-GOOD-FOR-IMPULSE-PURCHASING?! _BUY_, WE SAID!)
- Other people.
- Himself.
- Look, I have a multi-paged list, okay? You probably don’t 
want to read it all.


Background:
After being driven from his hometown by a torch-wielding mob, 
Aaron Shattuck found himself at a crossroads in life. Under 
the assumption that "they let you kill horses in college", he 
decided to pursue a path of higher education at the 
"alternative" campus of Hampshire college, which was notable 
for its acceptance of lowlife scum with no future or 
connection to reality. Once there, he took up residence in a 
very small box they continue to assure him is a room, and on 
very rare occasion has ever left it. After about a year, the 
self imposed isolation and the sound of the same goddamn U2 
song played over and over again finally ate away at whatever 
semblance of rational thought he ever had, leaving him with 
the mentality of a wounded animal on psychedelic drugs. He 
began to have bizarre, horrific fantasies, often depicting 
characters from various Japanese animated television shows and 
movies. Painstakingly, he would spend hours trying to 
transcribe these hideous delusions for posterity, but found 
the task of producing something at least partially coherent 
near impossible, until he "employed" the editorial services of 
a certain Transvestite Gnome. Perhaps he would have spent the 
rest of his life this way, snug in his own depraved little 
universe, but as fate would have it, he was to receive a 
mysterious invitation. Now, like Grendel to Hrothgar’s hall, 
he comes to the Party. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Fellow Authors, please ask me before you:
- Have me abuse wimpy, socially acceptable drugs. What kind of 
amateur deviant do you take me for?
- Have me eaten by a horde of hunger crazed guinea pigs. Once 
is quite enough, thank you!

Fellow Authors, please do not:
- Have me turn into some kind of nice, well-adjusted guy.
- Free Chippy from my grasp.


BONUS PROFILE! 

][ Chippy the Transvestite Gnome HAS NOT JOINED THE PARTY. 
He's in the glove compartment.

Name: Chippy the Transvestite Gnome    Sex: M 	
Physical Age: 52 (_all_ Gnomes look about 52) 	True Age: 103 
(still fairly young in Gnome years)
Also Goes By: Chippy, the Editor
Height: 4"	   Weight: Not much
Eyes: Black	    Hair: White
Contact Info:  Don't bother trying to contact Chippy the 
Transvestite Gnome. 


Primary Goal(s): 
- To escape the clutches of his tormentor, Aaron.

Secondary Goal(s):
The Primary Goal's sort of been keeping him busy.

Strengths/Abilities:
- Can somehow make sense of Aaron's depraved and incoherent 
ramblings. Or at least is good at faking it.
- Must posses a very hardy constitution, when you consider 
that he's survived this long.

Weaknesses/Quirks:
- Small and weak.


Likes:
- Frilly dresses.
- Intellectual pursuits.
- Long walks in the woods.

Dislikes:
- Aaron Shattuck.

Background:
Ostracized from Gnome society due to his alternative 
lifestyle, Chippy lived a simple life, dedicated to the 
bolstering of his own intellect, the observance of nature and 
the wearing of real cute outfits. Unfortunately, one fateful 
morning hike spelled his doom, as he found himself caught in a 
crude trap (most likely meant for a squirrel or some other 
poor little woodland creature), set by a dangerous lunatic 
know as Aaron Shattuck. Discovering Chippy's skill with the 
written word (meaning he knew how to spell), Aaron was quick 
to "employ" the unfortunate Gnome as his editor, keeping him 
in a bird cage and periodically torturing him for no good 
reason.

Fellow Authors, please SAVE ME! FOR GOD'S SAKE, SAVE ME!