Blink-blink-blink-blink.

"No, I'm sorry, the broadcasting booth is off-limits."

Blinkblink-blink-blink.

"What? Of course not. The heads of Maplecrest Cable will not
speak with you."

BLINK-blink-blink-blink.

"Yes, that's very nice, kid, but would you please just-"

*BZZZZZZZT!* The security guard gave a "GAH!" and fell, his
"Morse Code For Dummies" book thumping to the floor beside him. 
The trenchcoat-and-hat- clad "kid" spun to face his companions,
rapidly blinking its bulb.

The other two bobbed back and forth (hey, how else would  lamps 
nod?), then through some method we will never know removed
their disguises.

A beautiful porcelin decorative lamp, a small desk light, and a
floor lamp stalked into the broadcasting section of Maplecrest
Cable and Broadcasting, the guard still twitching on the floor
behind them.


--------------
PROJECT CHIBIFICATION
Created by the exhalted Lady Brick
This part drawn from the depths of Hell by James Bard

Chapter 12: From Bad to Worse
--------------


Bob Baker (remember him?) sat back in his room with a blissful
sigh. He couldn't believe the local cable package actually
came with a Bishoujo Channel! 

"Ahhh, Motoko, Naru-chan," he cooed, gazing at the flickering
television screen, "Shinobu... Kei..."

The program turned on.

"LIVE! FROM THE ULTRADOME! THE GREATEST EVENT IN SPORTS
ENTERTAINMENT!"

Bob held his breath.

"MAGICAL TROUBLESHOOTING BISHOUJO FIGHTING FEDERATION 
ULLLLTRAAAAA!"

The camera focused on Kei and Yuri, leaned back in their
announcing chairs. The two blinked, realizing they were on,
and Yuri opened her mouth to speak-

*hisssssssss.*

Bob Baker frowned, pushing his glasses up on his nose.
*hiss*? Though the not-so-bishonen Help Agent could be 
rather catty, she definitely wouldn't *hiss*. Then, the 
bishoujo-overloaded otaku's rather overworked mind 
registered three things:

1)Static.
2)Hissing noise.
3)Same thing on all channels.

"IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS ANIME!" he screamed. "THE 
CABLE'S OUT!"

........

'Okay,' thought a certain young girl whose hair appeared to
have been exchanged with that of an NYC subway dweller, 
'This isn't happening. It's all a dream, I'm not out of
unconsciousness yet, that's all. My hair is fine.'

The slightly chubby Rosa mumbled something in her sleep
about "her dear Mulder" and rolled over, off of her seat, 
and landed painfully on Deedee through some bizzare Impro 
twist on gravitational pull.

After erking out a slight "ow" and getting out from under
the girl/mecha, Deedee rubbed her head and, standing up,
promptly bonked it again on the roof of the fan.

Out like a light, she dropped once more.

........

The tazered guard slowly got back up to his feet, a few
muscles in his shoulder still spasming. Wincing, he 
rubbed it while leaning against his desk. It wasn't fair.
Why couldn't he get some punk in a wife-beater and
mohawk trying to steal cable equipment? THAT would be
easy enough to deal with. Trenchcoat-clad children
with high-voltage weaponry were another matter.

Sighing, he wondered how much damage they'd done...

"Excuse me!"

A rather cute and rather frantic redheaded girl
was trying to shove her way past the guard. He grinned.
At least he'd get one easy catch today.

"Hold it, missy," he said sternly, placing a hand on
her shoulder. "You need some identification before you
can--"

The guard found himself staring directly into the face
of a typical DBZ ki blast. And it wasn't friendly.

"KAMEHAME-HAAAAAAAA!"

Lying in a smoking crater some fifty feet away, the 
guard groaned. He knew he should have stayed at the
mall.

.......

The lamps were blinking on and off and bobbing back
and forth, their evil lampshade faces wobbling around
in a maniacal victory dance, the insane motions
casting eerie shadows on the walls.

That is, a bunch of lamps were dancing around the cable
hardline they'd just cut.

Until an extremely pissed DBZ otaku burst through the
door at approximately Mach 0.5, knocked over a row
of static-spewing monitors, and vaporized one of the
lamps on impact, anyway.

The remaining two blinked, then the apparent "leader"
moved forward and began blinking its bulb rapidly.

The enraged redheaded girl, however, did not know
morse code.

*BOOM!* *BOOM!*

That done, she fell to her knees, clutching at the 
ground (considering that it was tile, this was no
easy feat), a dramatic breeze blowing her pigtail
around. "No...I was...too late..."

She looked up, anger burning in her eyes. "Eugene...
I'll...make you...PAY!"

Insert super-saiya-jin-level-2 "Angry Transformation"
here. (Yawn.)

.....

"Hmm," Eugene murmured to himself, standing in one of
the castle's turrets, "It looks like I'm safe for now."

Wait five seconds.

"--err, I mean, looks like those fools realized they
were no match for the power of a SUPERYOUMAGENERAL!"

Lightning flashed, and Eugene posed dramatically.

That is, until he realized it wasn't the usual
combined-bulb flash. Blinking, and noting the flash
of light occured again despite his silence, he turned
around.

Seeing a psychotic-looking young girl floating fifteen
feet above the castle, palms out, random flashes of
yellow lightning forming between them, Eugene
used his amazing mental powers to carefully consider
the situation. He, in the space of a second, came up
with a list of facts.

1) All of my Sauce is downstairs.
2) I forgot to animate the Ginyu Lamps.
3) That ball of energy is getting bigger.
4) I don't have any pants to soil.

A moment later, the cunning mind had formulated its
strategy, and told Eugene exactly what to do in this
situation.

"Oh, shit," the SUPERYOUMAGENERAL whimpered, before
turning and swan-diving off of the castle's turret,
falling six stories, and landing (by another bizzare
impro twist on gravity, no doubt) on the AIEOU van.

"[FINAL FLASH!]"

(And here you thought the last explosions were loud.)

Picture that scene depicting the destruction of the
White House in "Independance Day". Now, replace the
white house with a big-ass castle. Instead of a giant
spaceship, envision a buxom redhead firing the 
doomsday blast.

Oh, yeah, and nobody dies.

"OH MY GOD! THEY KILLED KENNY!"

...Okay, someone dies.

.....

"Anna, do you hear that rumbling noise?"

"Not now, Cecil," the Otaku Force leader snapped 
irritably. It'd been half an hour, and still no sign of 
Katie...

"Anna!"

She turned around, eyes narrowed. "_What?_"

Cecil wordlessly pointed upwards.

Sighing, Anna glanced up... and allowed herself an 
uncharacteristic scream. A peice of the stony ceiling came 
loose, falling towards her, heavy enough to surely kill 
her...

Cecil tackled her out of the way as the peice of masonry
hit home, and the two lay gasping, Mecha otaku atop
leader, as the castle began to shake.

"..."

"..."

"Cecil? Anna? Ano, what're you two DOING?"

The two blink-blinked over at the chibified girl and
kamen standing in one of the room's many crumbling doorways.

Then, realizing that now was not the time to blissfully
sit in akward silence, they got to their feet, each grabbed
a chibi, and ran like hell for the exit.

.....

"My, it's so good to be back home, isn't it?" Eugene's dad
cheerfully said, dressed in a hawaiian shirt, khaki shorts,
and a lei necklace.

"Of course, dear," grumbled Eugene's mom, dressed in similar
attire, with the exception of a grass skirt in place of shorts,
and sporting a splitting headache.

"I told you you shouldn't have had so many pina coladas,
darling," Dad gently chided. Then he blinked, driving down
main street and back towards his house.

The first thing he noticed was the fact that there were
riots. Countless people stealing, vandalizing, looting,
pillaging, and generally being nasty to one another.

The next was that their medium-sized suburban home with
cheerfully pastel trim had been replaced by a rapidly 
disintegrating castle.

The third was that a big green monster with a horn leapt
off of a van parked in front of said castle, bounced off
Dad's Lexus's roof, and shot off down main street, a small
entourage of lamps hurrying behind.

"...Oh, my," was all Dad could manage to say.

Mom's eyebrow twitched. Her headache grew.

.....

Elsewhere in Maplecrest Bob Baker was engaged in wanton
destruction!!!

...actually, he had given up on getting his cable to work
and unlike the rest of the TV-dependant (and currently rioting)
populous, had decided to play a nice dating sim or two while
Maplecrest Cable got their shit together.

Incidentally, he'd finally charmed Nozomi into a date.

.....

Eugene was hurt. Eugene was tired. Eugene was sauceless. So
it wasn't surprising when the SUPERYOUMAGENERAL crashed
straight through a wall of an unnoticed building.

In his weariness, the unique former-boy looked about, taking
in the new surroundings.

"WELCOME TO MARLO SEMAJ'S FURNITYRE OUTLET AND ("worsh...wersh
...wirshti" was crossed out) THE SAUCE EMPORIUM!" said a cheery
looking sign plastered on the nearest wall.

The owner had gone outside to merrily join in the looting when
a few of the cableless rioters had recognized him and stomped
him into the asphalt.

Eugene simply blinked for a moment. This was a bigger find than
the Sauce warehouse. 'There is a god,' he thought.

He cracked open one of the Sauce barrels nearby and ladled some
into his mouth. Then some more. And some more.

'...and it's ME!'

Around him, countless forms of furniture began to animate.

.....

"Ugghh," groaned Deedee, this time having made sure to exit 
the van fully standing up. Rubbing her head and glancing 
around, seeing no allies, she walked to the edge of the hill 
upon which the castle rested (which inexplicably appeared when 
the castle did) and looked down.

Staring in horror, the ATK expert saw, wading through a crowd 
of rioters, Eugene, standing atop a massive (and slowly walking) 
marble table, a veritable army of furniture and lamps following 
him.

On his head he wore a "foam dome" hat. In place of beers were two
bottles of Sauce.

This situation was rapidly becoming discouraging.

-----O_O;;-----

Gah. No prereaders. I wish I'd had time to crank out something a little 
better, but I got most of what I wanted to get down on paper...
down on paper. o_O;

My thanks go to LB for asking me to take over for her (I didn't know I
was good!)

Also, once again, sorry about the formatting. I was on short notice.

And, if you're wondering what the hell is up with the Cable Riots, I
lost my cable modem connection. So I want to see some vengeance.

Oh, and bii-da to all the Marlo fans out there. Yeah, you two, I hurt
your Saviour. :P

-Bard, cursing the name of AT&T