"Kyouji, darling," Twizzler said, planting a kiss on 
the boy.
	"Uh, Twizzler?" Kyouji said.  "What was that for?"
	But before the redhead could respond, they both heard 
an enraged shriek.  Tsugiko had seen Twizzler's display of 
affection, and as usual was taking it out on the boy.  Her 
warhammer was already in motion, swinging towards his head.
	It connected with the sound of a pumpkin being crushed.  
As his skull caved in, splinters of bone flew like shards of 
shrapnel, and grey matter sprayed over both girls, staining 
their clothing.
	His body hit the ground with a thump.
	"You killed Kyouji!  You bastard!" Twizzler cried.
	"Not again," Yumi said.

>o< >o< >o<

	The Starburst Crystal
	Created by Ardweden

	Dental Plan
	By Nicolas Juzda

>o< >o< >o<

	The three girls, Winis, and Kit Kat gathered around 
their fallen comrade.  For a long moment, no one said 
anything.
	"Hey, Nicolas?" Tsugiko broke the silence at last.
	YES, WHAT IS IT?
	"We have a problem."
	WHAT NOW?  OH DEAR.  YOU'VE GONE AND KILLED KYOUJI 
AGAIN.  I BETTER FIX THIS BEFORE ARD SEES.  DESPERATE FOR 
WRITERS OR NOT, SHE AIN'T GONNA LIKE THIS.  AND HER SPIES 
ARE EVERYWHERE.
	"Spies?" Yumi whispered.
	"He's had about two litres of Coca Cola already 
tonight," Tsugiko whispered back.  "All that caffeine makes 
him paranoid."
	ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THAT THE FAUNA IN A FOREST 
NORMALLY INCLUDES SO MANY PENGUINS?
	They looked around at the antarctic birds watching them 
from nearby trees.  "You know, that is a little weird," 
Tsugiko admitted.
	"What is?" Kyouji asked, sitting up and rubbing his 
head.
	"Nothing."
	NOW, BACK TO WORK, PEOPLE.
	"Actually," Tsugiko said, "there is one other thing."
	YES?
	"Well, Yumi and I used to have a pretty interesting 
relationship back during the early parts.  But no one seems 
to have us interact anymore."
	"Tsugiko," Yumi hissed.  "What are you doing?  Remember 
what happened when the Twixes complained that they were 
becoming a one-note joke?  They can't beg their way into a 
flashback scene, these days."	
	But Tsugiko shook her head.  "No, Yumi.  This needs to 
be said.  When SC started, our relationship was meant to be 
one of the foundations.  Now it's all about Kyouji and 
Twizzler, and how everything revolves around them.  
Something needs to be done focussing on just the two of us."
	DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE THAT SLASH FIC?
	"Very funny.  But seriously, can you maybe give us a 
scene together, one where I can display some of that whole 
inferiority complex thing I used to get to do.  I liked 
that; it was subtle characterization, not like all this 
sniping with Twizzler and whomping Kyouji with my hammer."
	WELL, ALRIGHT.
	"Hold on," Twizzler said, pulling out a thick pile of 
papers.  "According to my contract, all character 
interaction from part 18 onward must either involve me or be 
directly concerned with me.  It's all right here in 
writing."
	CAN'T WE MAKE AN EXCEPTION?  PLEASE?  I'M TRYING TO GET 
THIS THING FINISHED ON TIME.
	"Nope.  If you break my contract, I'll walk."
	"Some threat," Tsugiko said.
	"I'll have you know that I've been getting some very 
tempting offers to appear in H! Flash, Green."
	"Now there's a surprise."
	QUIET!  NOW, HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO.  YUMI AND 
TSUGIKO WILL GET A SCENE IN WHICH THEY DISCUSS TWIZZLER, BUT 
ONE THAT STILL ILLUSTRATES THEIR OWN RELATIONSHIP.  END OF 
DISCUSSION.  NOW, CAN WE *PLEASE* GET BACK TO THE STORY?
	"Uh, I don't mean to be a bother," Kyouji said.  
"Especially with you bringing me back to life and all..."
	BUT...?
	"But I have some problems with scene 17 in the script."
	YES?
	"Yeah.  The part where we all stand around staring like 
idiots while Mary Sue over there," Kyouji said, jerking a 
thumb at Winis, "saves the day.  I mean, after more than two 
dozen chapters, you'd think we'd have enough experience that 
we wouldn't need the help of some kid who only wins because 
the authors want to let him show off."
	"Hey!" Winis protested.
	"You know it's true."
	"Nathan and Capfox think I'm cool," Winis said, lip 
trembling.
	"Mama's boy!"
	Winis burst out crying.
	THERE, THERE, WINIS.  HOW ABOUT IF I LET YOU DEFEAT 
WINTERGREEN ALL BY YOURSELF IN A LATER PART?  IS THAT 
BETTER?
	Winis' bawling died down to a sniffle.  "Can I get 
lucky with Yumi too?"
	DON'T PUSH IT.  KYOUJI, YOU CAN ASSIST WINIS WHEN HE 
SAVES THE DAY AT THE END OF THE PART.  OKAY, IS THAT 
EVERYTHING, OR WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO START WRITING ALL YOUR 
DIALOGUE IN IAMBIC PENTAMETER TOO?
	"I say, old bean, if we're taking the opportunity to 
clear the air, I have a grievance of my own.  I mean, it's 
all jolly well and good to say 'Gika!' all the time, but I 
was hoping for something with a bit more depth, to be 
perfectly honest," Kit Kat said.
	NOTE TO SELF: DISCUSS FUTURE STORY IDEAS WITH JESSE 
ELLMAN.
	"But then, why should we bloody well mess with what 
works, eh wot?" Kit Kat added quickly.  "Gika!  Gika!"
	SO, YUMI AND TSUGIKO GET A SCENE, KYOUJI HELPS OUT 
WINIS, AND KIT KAT HAS SEEN WHAT'S IN HIS BEST INTEREST.  
GOOD.  EXCELLENT.  NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT!!!
	"Nicolas?" Yumi said very quietly.
	YEEEESSSSSSSSSS?
	"I think that we're focussing too much on character 
dynamics, and not enough on plot.  The important thing is 
finding the Crystal shards and saving Mars, after all.  We 
should be doing more of that."
	OH, YES.  SURE.  MAYBE THEY'RE ALL JUST HIDING BEHIND 
THAT ROCK!  WHY DON'T YOU GO LOOK?
	Yumi went over to a nearby rock.  Behind it were 
sitting five crystal shards.
	"He's getting awfully sarcastic, now, isn't he?" Winis 
asked.
	"Shut up," Kyouji replied.
	"So, that's it, then?  We're done?" Tsugiko asked, as 
Yumi started to assemble the Starburst Crystal from its nine 
shards.
	"Looks like it," Yumi replied.
	"I guess we just had to show the author who was boss."
	"You like me, don't you, Kit Kat?" Winis asked the 
carret.  Then he took out one his charms and waved it at the 
animal.  "You'll be my bestest friend."
	"Get away from me," Kit Kat replied.
	WHAT WAS THAT?
	"Uh, 'Gika'."
	RIGHT.
	"Well, we've assembled the Starburst Crystal," Yumi 
said.  "Let's go defeat Wintergreen!"
	"Yeah!" Tsugiko and Kyouji chorused.
	SURE.  WHO NEEDS THE INTRICATELY WOVEN PLOT OUTLINE I 
SPENT FOUR DAYS PREPARING BEFORE I EVEN STARTED WRITING WHEN 
I CAN JUST LISTEN TO THE CHARACTERS?  THEY KNOW BEST, AFTER 
ALL.
	"That's right," Tsugiko said.  "And don't you forget 
it."
	ANYTHING ELSE, O GREAT AND WONDROUS CHARACTERS?
	"Yeah," the girl with the warhammer replied.  "Did you 
know that the ending you wrote to Part 24 should have had 
Krackel remembering that I had beaten him before, in Part 
15?  Aren't you supposed to be Mr. Know-It-All-Continuity-
Guy?"
	THAT'S IT!  I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!  I REALLY DIDN'T WANT IT 
TO COME TO THIS, BUT YOU'VE LEFT ME NO CHOICE.  YOI, ITAMI, 
IF YOU'D BE SO KIND?
	From out behind a tree stepped two men in trenchcoats.  
Two heavily armed men.
	Bang.  Bang.
	Yumi and Tsugiko fell to the ground.
	"Hey, what about him?" one of the men asked, pointing 
at Kyouji.
	"Does he look like a Magical Girl?" the other replied.
	"Now I remember why I came back as a boy," Kyouji heard 
a disembodied voice say.
	YAY TERU!  TERU'S SO COOL!  WE SHOULD HAVE MORE SCENES 
WITH TERU!
	"And he accuses me of benefiting from being an author's 
pet," Winis muttered.  Then an anvil fell on him.

>o< >o< >o<

	Kids: caffeine and sleep deprivation do not mix.  You 
end up writing stuff like this.
	The roots of this story are in a conversation with 
Ardweden, who told me that she writes what the characters 
tell her.  I don't write like that, never have, not even 
when (as just now) writing *about* that.  But later I 
reflected upon the idea, and that combined with a few of my 
pet peeves about SC of late, and some very dumb gags, to 
produce this mess.  Incidentally, I made a couple of jokes 
in here about other SC authors, and I hope none of them 
mind.
	For the record, this was written between parts 28 and 
29, although it isn't set then, or anytime, since to date 
Winis and Twizzler have never co-existed as members of the 
party.
	The title refers to the intersection of labour 
relations and candy consumption.
	Oh, and the two guys in trenchcoats are from Magical 
Girl Hunters, which I'm in the middle of reading.

Nicolas