When you cast your memory back, you expect some degradation as time goes
further back.  Imperfect and flawed, the human capacity for memory.  If you
don't forget, often you misremember the truth of the events of the past.
If you lose yourself to emotion, you even change your rememberance of the
relatively recent past.

I'll admit, the last week has taken it's toll on me and my memory.  I am...
ashamed to admit that, and it takes a lot for me to even admit that much.
But remember this, if I speak something less than the absolute truth, you 
have only yourselves to blame.

We are slaves to our senses.  When one's senses begin to fail, memories
become only as reliable as the sense that the memory is built upon.  It is
even worse when a sense is lost.  Humans are flawed like that.

I've heard that sight accounts for as much as 90% of the human experience.
I don't doubt it.  In its absense, you become lost, confused.  You are
suddenly forced to scramble to understand the nuances of what remains, to
struggle with the loss of everything you had depended on.

When I lost my eyes, there was one thing that remained.  That vision
remained etched in the eyes of my mind, would return again and again every
time that phantom tears tried in vain to coat the orbs that weren't
there...  Even though I was returned to my sight, that image returns still.

I saw light.

- = -

Wings of Fate
Chapter 9.1:  For Now, We Wear Faces
by Raviprasad Duvvuri
created by John Evans and Ardweden

- = -

I was not at all surprised when Judou showed up at my door... I'd been
waiting for one of them, and the odds were evenly split on either he or
Kenchi.  From the urgency of the knocking, though, I thought it was Kenchi.
Judou is usually in better control of himself.

I rose from my reading chair when I heard the rapping at my door, setting
down a book on ecology that I'd been reading.  Just because the majority of
my library is dedicated to the arcane natures of programming and
spellcasting doesn't meant that's all I can read.  I stopped at my desk to
pick up a few things:  my wallet, my pocketwatch, and a few items that I
never leave home without. 

I took my time, of course.  Whomever it was could afford to wait a few more
minutes, if it really was that important.  My time is my own, and I've
never allowed another to claim it for themselves.  

I opened the door, and like I said, it was Judou.  I raised an eyebrow as I
studied him.  "You know," I told him, "It really is a bad idea to leave the
keys in your car in this neighborhood.  If you plan on coming inside, that
is."

He flashed a sour look at me, confirming my barb has scored.  "We don't
have time for this, Soshi.  We've got to be going!"  He pointed over his
shoulder at the curb, where he had left his car idling.  "Get what you need
and let's go."

I merely stepped forward and turned to secure the front door, placing my 
hand on the scarred wooden surface.  I called up my standard locking spell
template, filled in the variables, and let it settle into place around my
house.  

I turned back to him, thinking over the situation.  If Judou was this
anxious, and if weren't all an act (which I wasn't sure of, at the time),
then he was probably trying to get all of us together again for some reason
or another.  "Are we going to pick up Akari now?" I asked.  I pulled out my
watch and glanced at it.  "She should be home from her... job by now."  I
closed my watch and placed it back in my pocket.  I walked by him down the
two steps of my front porch.  I was halfway to the car by the time he
overtook me, running to the car.  I kept my moderate pace.

Whereas he nearly leaped into the driver's seat, I deliberately opened the
door and sat down.  I made a ritual of buckling my belt, smiling
obsequiously at Judou's discomfort.  He really was in hurry, which to me
meant that something had come up.  I had my suspicions, but I knew I could
get him to tell me what it was without having to ask him directly.

He was already gunning the engine before I managed to close the door.  He 
drove like a madman, something he tends to do when he's flustered.  I 
winced inwardly as he nearly ran over a small child who'd been crossing the 
street toward an ice cream cart.  It doesn't happen often -- that he shows 
when he's flustered  -- so I was enjoying the moment.  Well, as much as I 
could with the sharp turns and jolts the car was making, anyway.  As we 
came to a stop at a red light, I took the opportunity to let him speak.

"We have a problem," Judou said.  A problem.  Of course.  As though I
expected him to come charging over, drag me from my home, and nearly run
over pedestrians over an invitation to tea.  

"Perhaps."  The air conditioner was running, but I rolled down my window a
crack anyway.  If I hadn't, I would have felt a bit cramped.  Odd, for 
someone of my profession, I know, but I've always had a problem with it.

Judou was tapping his fingers on the steering wheel impatiently.  There was
no cross-traffic; if Kenchi was driving, he would have just driven straight
through, casting an enchantment on any police officer who might have a
problem with it.  But Judou was going to just wait it out.  Shaking his
head, he responded to me.  "I'm serious.  They're on to us." 

"They?" I asked, an air of amusement in my voice.

He reached over and turned off the radio, cutting some off some insipid
idol pop song.  He looked at me with a scowl on his face.  "Yes, 'they.'
The ones who keep sending those creatures after us!"

I shrugged slightly in response.  "You make it sound as though you don't
know who it is," I offered, tossing out a line.  Judou often knows much 
more than he lets on.  It's one of his more annoying character quirks, 
his need for secrecy.  It wouldn't be so bad if he weren't so... sincere 
in his attempt to act like that wasn't the case.  But if he did know
something, I knew I could probably wrangle it from him.

"You, accusing me of witholding information?  That's a twist," he replied,
chuckling nervously.  He clenched the wheel tighter.  

I smiled inwardly.  "The light is green.  You may wish to go."  I waited 
for him to respond, but he didn't speak and the car didn't move.  I turned 
to look at him, almost frowning at the sight.

Judou was in a trance, his eyes staring vacantly forward.  He was twitching
erratically, though not quite enough to seem like and epileptic fit.  His 
lips were moving slightly, as though he were engaging words with someone 
distant, lost in some half-whispered conversation.

I reached over and honked the horn.

He snapped forward, clarity returning to his widened eyes.  His breath was
shallow.  He turned to looked me, but I was staring straight ahead at the
now-yellow traffic light.  "I saw the forest again," he said.  I shrugged.
"I saw the forest smothered with a blanket of flame."

"So you said earlier, when you decided we should all reconvene," I replied.
You'll have to pardon my skepticism, but... well, actually you don't.  I 
don't care either way.  I had no idea if this was supposed to be what Judou 
looked like when he had one of his episodes, but it didn't seem very
genuine to me.

"No!  Just now.  I saw... the forest burning.  Birds were screaming,
animals were fleeing... I saw you."   He turned to look at me.  His
whitened knuckles were clutching the wheel tightly.  Maybe it was more
convincing than I had originally thought.  "I saw you being attacked by a
giant shadow beast.  It's legs were wrapped around you, and it was eating
out... out...  It was killing you," he finished sharply.

"Then I shall have to be careful not to run afoul of any ten-foot spiders,"
I said, turning to look out my side window.  "The light is green again.  I
don't think you want to anger the honorable businessmen in the Mercedes 
behind us."

Judou slammed on the gas and whipped the wheel to the left, spinning the
car around.  Akari was just going to have to wait for us, since Judou was
very obviously heading for the exit out of town.  

The forest preserve that Shuukou lived in wasn't too far away.  It was only 
about a fifteen minute drive, once we finally got out of the city.  Judou
had made one more attempt at starting up a conversation, but they were
abortive.  I didn't really feel there was anything to say.  

We drove right past the park entrance and pulled off to the side of the 
road, about half a kilometer past.  Judou didn't even bother to take the 
keys with him as he leapt out of the car; he did have the presence of
mind to shut off the engine, at least.  I slammed my door shut and followed
him into the thick foliage of the forest, holding back the spines of the
hawthorn trees bordering the edge.

I wondered what it was that caused Shuukou to choose this place.  I
understand the need to retreat from humanity; while I'd accomplished it by
merely ignoring those around me, she'd done so physically.  She'd retreated 
into the woods, away from the mindless and disgusting masses.
Unfortunately, she hadn't been able to stop there, losing herself to her
new surroundings.

I hated these trees.

The moment I stepped from the outside world into Shuukou's sanctuary, I 
knew something was wrong.  The birds *were* screeching loudly, and in the 
brush you could see the rustling branches as rabbits and deer scurried 
past.  I was at unease, moreso than usual.  

Then we stepped from emerald calm into the inferno.

Almost immediately, the relative peace of the woods was replaced with
furious urgency.  The flames didn't so much spring from the branches as
dripped from them.  Everything, everywhere was burning, burning, burning.
I stopped dead in my tracks as I noticed something I'd been denying.  

The trees were bleeding.

In trickles and torrents the red fluid flowed, spilling from out of the
bark and pooling across the forest floor.  Where it came near the leaping
flames, the redness burst into flame as well.

I could not help it.  The closeness of the bright flame, the waves of heat
sweeping over me -- it was all too much.  The forest walls began folding in
on themselves.  Twenty-four metric tons of fear and panic overcame me,
taking over and making me forget my intellect.  

I had to get out.

So I ran.  Behind me, Judou was shrieking in panic, screaming incoherently.
It was odd, how I managed to hear that, when the only other thing in my
ears was dead silence.  

For about five minutes I ran, before the stitch in my side overpowered me.
I came to a small clearing and collapsed to my knees.  Gasping for air, I
began to calm down.  I was in shock, though whether it was because I had
just lost control or because I'd realized I'd just lost control, I couldn't
tell.  Reclaiming my senses, I began assembling a barrier to keep the 
flames away.  

Someone ran up behind me, disrupting my concentration.  

Let me explain.  I don't understand people.  I never have, as I've always 
been on the outside, looking in.  As a child, I quickly learned that it was 
best to just keep people distant.  They didn't want to have to do anything 
with me, and this prevented me from letting myself get hurt by that 
realization.  So, I've always been uncomfortable around others, with few 
exceptions.  I've had a few associates and friends.  I kept them at arm's 
length, but when you refuse to let anyone else closer than thrice that 
distance, that's still quite a weakness.  Aside from my four colleagues at 
university, I didn't really feel comfortable around others; their mere 
presense is enough to turn my stomach.

Between the pain in my side and the fire raging around me, having to deal 
with another person around was just too much.  I didn't even need to see
them, I could just feel him there.  I hate to make excuses, but I would 
hate it even more if someone thought they could get the best of me
that easily.

The person spoke unintelligably.  I wheeled around, trying to make out the
features of the person behind me.  My task was made difficult by the
blinding flames raging behind him.  

I demanded his identity, moments before I finally saw his face.  It was
that gaijin poppinjay, Philippe.  It wasn't coincidence he was here.  He 
was responsible for this fire, I knew.

He looked surprised to see me, unsure what to do.  There was something more 
to him as well, something alien.  I think there was something odd in his 
stance, in his demeanor.  I took advantage of his indecision and 
instinctively cast a spell, stripping away the illusion wrapped around him.  

The familiar face that stared back at me disappeared, only to be replaced
by another, one unknown to me.  Behind his vacant eyes, I could see the
corrupting presense of another being, one that had taken residence in this
man's body.

I narrowed my eyes.  "I thought it might be you," I told the creature.
This was a different magic altogether.  This demon had intelligence and 
reasoning, and was far more dangerous.  This one wasn't like the others, a 
simple created or summoned beast.  Could this creature have been sent by
someone else?

I tried to figure out what purpose it would suit whomever had sent him to
impersonate an old friend of Kenchi's, and what they'd hoped to achieve by
sending the forest up in flames.  I felt suddenly sick to my stomach.
Perhaps it wasn't coincidence that we'd all been gathered here, just in
time for the forest to burn.

The creature was speaking to me.  His words confirmed to me that it was
something else; his words were unaccented and rapid, whereas Philippe was
still having difficulty with our tongue.  "You weren't supposed to get in
the way."  The image of Philippe reformed around him.  "You might have
survived, if you hadn't."

I smirked at him.  "Do you seriously think your kind can hinder me?"  I
began trying to put together a spell, but there was something nearby that
was keeping the spell from falling into place.

In response, he reached over to a tree, unflinching at the heat.  He cupped
a hand of the bleeding goo and held it out in front of him.  "Can you do
this?" he asked me, trying to make eye contact.

I refused to look him in the eyes.  That would have been a sure-fire way
for him to ensorcel me, to make mental contact and paralyze me.  "I would 
not need to," I answered, wondering what he was playing at.  I clenched my 
fist angrily, trying to force the spell to assemble. 

Suddenly, he flung the fluid at me, splashing my arm.  I fliched as the 
flame began licking at me, searing my flesh.  He laughed at me and made 
some mocking comment, picking up another handful of the smelly liquid.  He 
flung it at me, but I managed to duck it.  I wasn't so fortunate, as the 
next one caught me in the face.  

I screamed.  Loudly and inhumanly, I screamed.  I was transformed from a
reasoning being to a beast of primal passions, ruled by instinct.  My
instincts failed me.  My hands flew to my face, trying to pull the redness
away from my skin, from my mouth, from... from my eyes.  My now empty and
sightless, but not unfeeling, eyes.  

I didn't register that at the moment.  All I knew was pain.  The sheer
excruciating and overwhelming pain.  I fell to my feet, barely feeling as
my assailant launched more handfuls of liquid flame at me.

"Poor Soshi," were the only words I made out of his taunting.  The rest was
lost in the maelstrom of agony that was all I knew.  The fire had spread
all across my skin, torching hair and skin.  I wanted to scream, but the
flame rushed down my throat, punishing the soft tissues within.  

I didn't know if he was still there.  Forcing myself to move despite the
pain, I slipped my hand into my pocket, pulling out a small charm.  
Gritting my teeth, I crushed the fetish.  The shield spell I had locked 
inside it executed, flowing out from my body and forcing away the fire.

The flame was gone, but the pain remained.  I writhed and thrashed.  I
tried to cry.  It was then I realized I couldn't see, that my eyes had been 
taken from me.  The enormity of that swept over me, and I collapsed in 
defeat.

Yes, defeat.

At that point, I fully expected to die.  All thoughts of manifest destiny,
of preordanied fate... all of those escaped me as salty tears flowed into
the scorched and ruined sockets of my eyes.  I had always known that I was
meant for greatness, had taken it for granted.  Doestoevsky's extraordinary
man given form.  The rules of man didn't apply to me.

All of that was gone.  I was going to die, and no one would care.  Oddly,
that relaxed me.  It was easier that way.  No burden on anyone, least of
all myself.  I fell on my back, and waited for Death.

Suddenly, I felt a presence and heard a whisper in my left ear. Soft, 
musical, and strangely inhuman.  "Well, what do we have here?" she asked, 
notes twinkling lightly.

I tried to speak, but the air was stuck, rending and ripping and sending
wave upon wave of excruciating agony up my throat.  

The voice dropped an octave... or a tone.. or something.  I'm not a
musician, I'm a programmer.  Well, I do play guitar, and rather well; I'd
like to think I'm fairly good.  But I taught myself to play from tablature
that I downloaded off the net, just to prove to myself that it was just a
matter of focusing the will.  I succeeded, of course, so I moved on.  I 
don't really know music or theory.  I never needed to.

In any case, her voice dropped, and in a husky voice, she spoke again.  
"Do not speak. Let me help."  I felt her press a hand to my chest.  I 
nearly passed out, from the pain of trying to scream, if not the pain of 
contact alone.

Waves of warmth spread throughout me.  Slowly radiating outward, my nerve
endings and pain receptors shut off, and I was filled with an incredible
lightless, almost giddyness.  Endorphins, I supposed.  My throat loosened,
and I found I could speak, that I could breathe.

I heard the cracking of twigs as she stood up and turned to walk away.
"Who are you?" I called out, casting about with unseeing eyes. 

"My name is unimportant," she said, "Though I am sorry to say that we shall
meet again, on some future day."

Feeling very numb and very tired, I passed out.  When I regained 
consciousness, I was being dragged along, my weight being supported between
two people.  I heard two voices.  I couldn't make out their words because 
all of my concentration was being spent on putting one foot in front of the 
other.  One of the people was Judou, I knew.  But the other... it sounded
like Shuukou.  Shuukou, as though her wit had been replaced with that of a
panicking, terrified beast.  I tried to speak, but I passed out again.

When I came to again, thorns were scraping across my abused face.  We were
at the edge of the forest, finally free.  I heard an engine, Kenchi's
Viper, roaring as it drove by.  Judou screamed out Kenchi's name, from
somewhere to my left.  

I heard the screeching of brakes.  Kenchi had stopped.

The arms holding me up faltered, and I fell to the ground again.  There was
a pattering of feet, and I felt a hand upon my chest again, heard that
strange voice whispering in my ears.  "Beware the shadows," she said.  "For 
though they conceal you, they also obscure those who envy you.  If you are 
to fight on, you must live."  

Shuukou began screaming, and I heard Judou's voice again.  "Wait!" he 
called out.  "Where are you going?  Who are you?"

I gathered that my savior had chosen that moment to make her escape.

I didn't have much time to think about it, as I heard the idling of that
loud V12 rumbling ahead.  I felt a mind scoping out my own, probably Kenchi
trying to determine if I was still alive and rational.  I clamped down on
him and feigned unconsciousness, refusing to let him in.

They placed me in the back seat of Kenchi's car.  I didn't dare move.  The 
slightest breeze across my charred flesh wasn't causing me incredible 
agony, but I'd rather have that than having Kenchi expressing fake sympathy 
for me.

As it was, he was more concerned with Shuukou.  She was making noises,
shrieking and keening and howling incoherently.  She was already
well on the path of disconnecting from her human intellect, and the trauma
of this incident had to have destroyed the last bits that were holding her
together.  

Kenchi was busy trying to console her, I gather.  He was shushing her,
trying to get her to calm down, to listen to him.  He started whispering 
reassuringly to her.  I was glad I didn't hear his actual words... his
insincerity would be bad enough, but I didn't want the residual affects of
his spellcasting to wash over me.  I like being in full control, even when
I'm not.

Gradually, Shuukou's panicked utterings faded into quiet sobs and shudders.
Kenchi's whispers grew softer and softer as well, and then there was
silence.  After a moment, though, the quiet was interrupted by a soft, low 
moaning.  Shuukou.

I was suddenly sick to my stomach... It couldn't be what I thought it was,
it just couldn't.  Shuukou had always hated Kenchi, almost as much as I 
did.  And here he was, taking advantage of her incapacitated state to do 
something he'd probably dreamt of doing since the five of us first met.  I 
wanted to scream, to complain, to leap forward and pull him off of her.  
Instead, I just passed out,  fatigued and exhausted.

When I came to again, I was lying on my back.  I was on an overstuffed
sofa, which meant we had come back to Kenchi's place.  I heard snippets of
conversation from somewhere around my feet.

"She's sleeping," Kenchi said.  "I think she'll be okay."  The bastard.

"What about Philippe?" Judou asked.  

There was a pause.  "I don't know... he hasn't said anything, but I think
he's okay.  I can't read him... either he's in shock, or... well, he's in
shock."  Kenchi sighed.  "I can't get through to Soshi either.  He needs
medical attention."

"I know," Judou said.  "I need to check on Akari.  We haven't heard
anything from her in far too long.  And she can help heal Soshi's wounds."

"I hope."

"Me too."

I heard two pairs of footsteps walking across the room, muffled by the
plush pile.  The front door opened and then closed.  I heard the whirring
of the air conditioner.

"Phil?" I heard Kenchi say.  "Philippe?  Parles à moi!"  He continued
speaking in French, emploring Philippe to respond.  He wasn't going to get
an answer, I knew.  The imposter probably didn't even know French, even
though he probably thought he was Philippe.  His masters had probably
imprinted him with that knowledge, hypnotized him into believing he was 
Kenchi's friend, in the case that Kenchi tried to read him.  

Which meant that whomever had sent him knew more about us than we knew
about them.  I know *now* that wasn't the case, but at the time that
worried me.  And I don't worry.

After a while, Kenchi gave up and left the room, probably to fawn over
Shuukou.  I hoped she was unconscious.  Even Kenchi had more moral fiber
than to take advantage of a sleeping woman.

I felt a stillness in the air around me.  He was standing over the couch.
"Stop pretending," the false Philippe spoke.  "I know you're awake."

I coughed softly, trying to get my vocal chords to cooperate.  "Very well,"
I managed.  "What do you want?"

He laughed cruelly.  "I have no idea how you've managed to live this long.  
But now, Soshi," he said, in a quiet voice, "We complete the job."

I felt his hands move to my throat, but I knew something he didn't -- that
my injuries weren't hurting me.  Quite to the opposite, what should have
been pain filled me with great energy, great determination.  I silently
thanked the strange woman with the melodious voice, and then I sprung into
action.

I lunged forward, ignoring the complaints of my angry muscles.  They didn't
want to move, but I made them.  I felt joy sweeping over me.  My hands
closed around the man's throat.  He had time to gasp in shock before I
tightened my grip. 

We fell to the floor.  Rolling to the side, he tried to break from my hold,
but I wasn't going to let him go.  If he got out of my hands, I was lost; I
had no idea of knowing where he would be.  My hands were strong, stronger
than they'd ever been, and so I clamped down harder.

I'm surprised we didn't make more noise than we did.  I'm surprised now,
but at the moment I was overcome with anger, with righteous fury.  This was
the one who had tried to take my life and the life of those that I cared
about.

That I cared about?  Never.  My fingers tightened further.

I heard the front door open.  Judou and Akari must have just gotten back.  
Just in time to see how they'd been deceived.  Gritting my teeth, I
squeezed harder, tighter.  I felt something flowing within man's flesh.  I
was almost there.  He began mumbling under my hands, something about blood
and faith.  I wanted to laugh, and so I did.

As the neck of the man beneath me finally snapped, I felt a dark, dark
presense sweep outward out of his ruined corpse, up into my arms and
flowing throw me.  Gnawing and tearing, it tried to take root, but I wasn't
going to let that happen.  I have far too much self-control to be taken by
a creature of this sort, and wasn't about to be possessed.  Not now.

Someone screamed.  I think it was Akari.

The creature relented, and I flung it out of my self.  Its sickening 
presense grew faint, and then was gone.  It had escaped, but it had not
won.  I tried to stand up, but my legs were still to weak.  I fell to the 
sofa, thankful for once that Kenchi was as well-off as he was.  The soft 
fill of the couch cushioned my face.  I rolled over.

Lightness surged through me, and I remember smiling as I turned my
sightless eyes to the ceiling.

FIN (chapter 9.1)

- = - 

AUTHOR'S NOTES
[or, In Which Ravi Blathers]

Whee.  This was late.  Oy.

This took a lot of work, because, well... writing Soshi is hard.
Especially writing a blinded and maimed Soshi.  I *really* wasn't expecting
that. ^_^;

Anyway, I hope this works to rehumanize Soshi, to make him more
understandable and usable as a character.  That was really the only goal I
had with this chapter.  Well, that and increase the paranoia a bit by
having a fake Philippe trying to kill them.

Note:  This may or may not be the real Phil.  I'd prefer it be a fake one,
since that's how I wrote it, but Soshi's perceptions are a bit scrambled.
Like the Shuukou/Kenchi bit... that isn't intended to be that Kenchi is
actually doing anything.  Soshi is just hearing what he wants to imagine.

Aaaanyway.  Thanks to John for listening to ideas, and to John, Arweden,
and Phoebe for prereading.  They were a lot of help, even if I didn't
really listen to them.  And thanks to Dan, for being so patient with me.
Finally, thanks to all the readers who offered feedback last time.  It
really does mean a lot.

Until next time!

Please, I want comments!  ^_^;  Email me at duvvuri@uiuc.edu

Ravi Duvvuri