So I've talked to you about dreams, and I've told you about memory. You're starting to think you understand me. That you know me. You know nothing. We're beyond your comprehension, really. We can give you answers, but they're only that. You can't see what they mean. We can't give you meaning. You're in the cave, and we're the ones casting the shadows on the walls. No, not that. You still don't see. The Gifts don't make us less human. If anything, it's just the opposite. It's that humanity that's brought us to this point. Whether that's a good thing or not is still up for debate, but I suppose it could be considered a victory. Of sorts. And if so, we owe it to our humanity. Hmm? Yes, I agree. The five of us have been rather prone to pettiness, greed, egotism, insecurity, and violence at times. What's that have to do with...? Ah. You've got a lot to learn about humanity, friend. - = - Wings of Fate Chapter 11: Two for Joy by Scott Schimmel created by John Evans and Ardweden - = - The trip to Kamakura was pretty uneventful. It was just me and Shuukou in my car, and she stayed silent for the most part. Still recovering from that trauma, I imagine. But I'll get to that later. Right then, the silence suited me fine. I'd never really given much thought to death before. It was just an ending, as far as I was concerned. If there was anything waiting beyond, there was no proof, no indication. So why dwell on it, right? No, I'm still not terribly religious, despite having met a few of those beings who call themselves gods. It's not the contradiction it might seem to be. If any of those gods had any more of a clue than we'd had, maybe I'd see things differently... but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, as I drove to Kamakura, I thought a little about death. It wasn't because of Soshi killing Philippe, although I did end up considering that, too. It wasn't even Morrigan -- we didn't know about her yet, at that point. It was because of Shuukou. - = - I'd touched Shuukou's mind twice. You already knew that, right? I never told her what I found there. I never told any of them, actually, although I suspect Judou knew. I bet he knew more than he let on. You see, our minds aren't like the minds of most people. An ordinary mind is like an open book to me. Take your typical human being. I could tell him exactly what I was going to do to him, and then do it, just as easily as if I'd ambushed him. All that stuff about willpower and resisting? It's a myth. Comic book stuff. A strong will alone is meaningless when it comes to my Gift. Of course, if they don't know what I'm doing, it does make things easier for me afterward... Animals' minds are actually a lot tougher to influence. Most of them don't understand anything beyond the basic drives, and even the ones that do don't usually understand higher concepts the way humans do. Their minds are simple and straightforward, yes, but the danger lies in their intensity. Try to get a dog to growl at someone, and you could easily end up with a berserk whirlwind of teeth instead. Or vice versa. And dogs are some of the smarter ones, like dolphins, cats, foxes, ravens-- Oh, sorry. What? Yes, it turns out that ravens are a lot smarter than people give them credit for. But that doesn't matter yet, not at this point of the story. I see you're wondering what this has to do with us. It's simple, really. Shuukou's mind was like an animal's. Now, don't get me wrong. I don't mean that Shuukou was simpleminded or stupid. Far from it, as you should well know. But her mind had that same intensity to it. It was... primal. Delving into her mind and trying to rebuild it was rather like stepping into the middle of a primordial jungle and trying to hack out a habitable space with my bare hands. Heh. That's probably not a simile Shuukou would appreciate. Well, she's not the one telling this, and she wouldn't know what it felt like anyway. - = - Incidentally, that was the first time I'd ever attempted to use my Gift that way. I'd calmed people before, yes -- it's a great way to get yourself out of trouble with jealous boyfriends, you know, without being too obvious -- but this was a wholesale rebuilding of a mind. I'm still a little surprised that it worked. Credit it to desperation, I guess. If it hadn't been Shuukou, I don't know that I would have tried it at all. I mean, if I'd known I could, I would have. But... - = - Shuukou and I have a rather unique relationship, you see. Essentially, we loathed each other at first sight. We're diametrically opposite in a lot of our views and goals. But -- and this is the weird part -- we're just similar enough in just enough ways that there's a sort of mutual bond between us. Moreso than with any of the others. I'd call it an attraction, but I'm sure that'd be misunderstood. It's hard to explain. I have to admit, though, attraction was a part of it. As much as I wanted to *hurt* Soshi for that little comment, he was right about one thing. I'm not a rapist, I've never used -- would never use -- my Gift like that. I may be a playboy, but I can still be a romantic. But about Shuukou? She's beautiful, she's capable, and she's intelligent. If she chose to give me the opportunity, of course I'd take it in a heartbeat. Ha, ha. A gentleman never tells. Live with it. I only told you as much as I did because it's somewhat relevant. - = - Anyway, I put Shuukou back together again. More or less. I'm not like Akari; I can't heal a mind seamlessly. Even if I'd known then what I know now, even if I'd played with her memory, there would have been some scars. That first time, there were probably many more; it was like trying to glue together the shards of a shattered mirror. It might be whole again, but that didn't mean it could still reflect the way it used to. Shuukou had to deal with those scars herself. Fortunately, she was strong enough to do so. Still, I could probably make another fortune as a therapist. Heh. I trust the irony doesn't escape you. - = - Anyway, back to thinking of death. Why, you ask? Well, if I hadn't reached into her mind, Shuukou would probably have died. If I'd done something wrong, chances are she would've died, or as good as. Normally, I just alter a mind; restructuring one is much more risky. As I said, it was a move born of desperation. Maybe she would've recovered on her own. Maybe. That's a chance I wouldn't like to have taken, though. But Shuukou didn't die. Shuukou decided to live. For revenge, at first, and that was good enough for me, for a while. - = - When Shuukou does die, she wants to be buried in the forest. Not her forest, of course; that's not there any more, and it'll be a long time before it's truly a forest again, if it ever is. But a forest. I suppose she feels she'll be at peace there. Or complete the cycle of life, or whatever. No, I still don't buy that stuff. She has made progress, though, and hopefully her death will be many years off. When it comes, I'll do my best to see she gets her wish. Assuming I'm still around, of course. Me? I just want to be cremated. I'm not terribly sentimental. If Shuukou's mind was primal and full of life, Soshi's was the opposite. Touching his mind was like diving into a pool of grease and oil. Very unpleasant. Appropriate, hmm? My own mind is perfectly clear to me, naturally, but I'm told it's a labyrinth to anyone else. That came in handy later. Judou-- Sorry, I'm really wandering, aren't I? - = - The trip to Kamakura was not made in complete silence. Our first conversation, for instance, took place just as we were leaving Tokyo. "Thanks," I said, without looking at her. You have to keep your eyes on the road on the outskirts of Tokyo. Traffic is a little bit lighter than in the city proper -- just enough so that you might be tempted to ignore it, and then you'll find yourself in serious trouble. "Hm?" It was barely a vocalization at all, but it was more of a response than I'd expected, to tell the truth. "For defending me back there," I clarified. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught her little shrug. "It was just the truth," she answered curtly. And that was the end of that conversation. - = - I think Soshi was very lucky that Shuukou had placed him in the other car before he'd opened his big mouth. I don't think he would have survived the trip, if he'd come with us instead. - = - The second conversation we had on the way to Kamakura consisted mostly of me asking questions, and her replying with monosyllabic grunts and murmurs. It lasted longer than you might think, though. What was said is none of your business. - = - There was a third conversation, just before we arrived in Kamakura. I already felt the chill, despite the climate control in my car. It was tempting to turn up the heat, but Shuukou had always preferred the cold. Never let it be said I was completely thoughtless. I'll skip some of the details. Most of it was speculation as to our reception by Judou's relatives. It's fairly irrelevant -- the meeting wasn't quite what we'd expected, but that's for Judou to tell you. They're his relatives, he can try to explain them. Well, of course I have my own take on them. I'm not about to share it with you, though. Let him tell his story first; he knew them better than we did, naturally. There was one amusing note to that conversation, though. "If you were an animal," Shuukou asked me unexpectedly, "which one would you be?" I answered without thinking. "I already am. Human." "Cheater," she accused with a faint smile. "But I suppose that's the correct answer." I shrugged. "Fox, then." "Appropriate." I couldn't tell whether that was approval or the opposite. I don't think I want to know, honestly. "What about you?" I was a little curious, you understand. She was quiet for a few minutes. Just long enough that I began to wonder whether she was going to respond, in fact. I suppose she was giving it more thought than I had. When she finally answered, she still sounded uncertain. "Maybe a raven?" That brought my weird dream to mind. Coincidence. I struggled with myself over whether to tell her about it or not. Our journey ended before I'd decided. - = - "So," I said to Judou, who looked as tired as I felt. Not as chilly, though. I probably should have worn a warmer jacket. At that point, I didn't care enough to bother, though. "Lead on." - = - Author's notes: Nothing to say here. Take note of this date. ^_- Thanks to Kate Malloy for prereading.