In the center of things is a calm, empty, place.  Nothing resides there,
nothing but the essence of the thing, without a shape or form but existing
nonetheless.  It is when you find that place that you find the truth of the
thing.

Truth, as it turns out, is in rather short supply.

Wings of Fate
Started by: John Evans and Ardweden

Chapter 21: Lies
by: Richard Lawson

The tengu were busy fighting.

Akari watched them in rapt fascination.  They moved around gracefully,
jumping forward, launching a kick or a punch or a combination, blocking the
counter-attack, then retreating.  They would circle about, sometimes
attacking the same opponent, sometimes fending off an attack from another
opponent.  About a dozen were thus engaged, and together they looked as if
they were performing a dance.

Shuukou spoke idly from where she sat next to Akari under a large tree.  "It
looks strange to see them do that with wings."

Akari nodded.  The tengu had the torso, legs, and head of a human, but had
beaks for mouths, wings for arms, and claws for feet.  Their wings moved
flexibly, bending like no bird wing should.  Akari tried to imagine what it
would be like to move her arm like that and recoiled slightly at the image.

"What are they doing?"  Soshi walked towards them very slowly, caution in
every step.

Shuukou described the fighting while Akari watched Soshi reach out, find the
tree, and slowly sit down next to them.

Soshi nodded absently.  "Kobayakawa Takakage is said to have learned
advanced fighting skills from the tengu.  I'm sure their techniques have
only improved in the intervening centuries."

"Oh?"  Shuukou eyed him curiously.  "Have there been a lot of sightings of
these tengu?"

"Yes.  And no."

Shuukou rolled her eyes.  "A useful answer as always, Soshi.  You're such a
wonderful source of information, I don't understand why we just don't turn
our whole expedition over to you for your enlightened leadership."

"I have often wondered the same thing," Soshi responded blandly.

Shuukou snorted loudly.  "You know, just once in your life you might want to
volunteer information without forcing us to drag it from you."

"I have volunteered information.  It has been received with gratitude and
relief proportionate to the warmth and love you're bathing me with now."

"And I suppose that's our fault?"  Shuukou turned back towards the tengu.
"You might try examining your own behavior some day, Soshi, if you want to
understand people's reactions towards you."

"I understand their reactions perfectly, thank you."  Soshi shifted in his
seat.  "And your admonition contains an element that reminds me of a certain
proverb regarding a pot and a kettle."

"Hah!"  Shuukou crossed her arms but said nothing more.

Soshi steepled his fingers.  "Myths speak of two kind of tengu.  Crow tengu,
and mountain tengu.  Mountain tengu are the ones that most often speak to
wandering adventurers and teach them certain things.  They are depicted as
mostly human with long, beak-like noses.  I don't know if they are merely
the human aspect of the tengu we see before us.  Certainly Judou has a
prominent nose, although it's not over-large.  So I do not yet know if there
is a distinction between the tengu."

Shuukou remained still for a moment.  Then, softly, she said, "Thank you."

Soshi bowed his head.  "A pleasure as always."

Shuukou chuckled almost silently.

Akari frowned.  "Why don't you use a cane?"

"What?"  Soshi turned his face so that the white of his eyes were facing
towards Akari.

"Or a stick or something.  That's got to be safer than stumbling about.  You
could get hurt."

"What I could or could not do is no concern of yours."  Soshi turned his
face away from hers.

Akari winced.  "Look, I'm only thinking of you.  You could fall and break
your neck, and even that I couldn't heal."

"Akari."  Shuukou's voice was mild, but with a hard edge.  "There's no need
to lash out at him.  He'll do whatever he wants whenever he wants, as
always.  And I find it in poor taste for you to remind him of Philippe."

The reminder turned Akari's cheeks slightly red.  "I didn't- I mean, I
wasn't trying to-"

"As always, you were only thinking of the moment, without considering the
past or future."  Soshi stood.  "Excuse me."  He walked away, moving
slightly more confidently across the terrain.

Akari looked at Shuukou.  "What was that about?  I wasn't trying to hurt
him.  Don't you see?"

"I know, Akari."  Shuukou continued watching the tengu.

Frowning, Akari lightly poked Shuukou's arm.  "What?  Tell me what you're
holding back."

Shuukou glanced at her out of the corner of her eye.  "You don't want me to
go into this."

"Yes, I do."  Akari continued to peer at Shuukou.  "What did Soshi mean?"

Sighing, Shuukou sat up and turned to face Akari.  "Pretty much exactly what
he said.  You're very... focused on the here and now.  You let what has
happened in the past slide by with barely a notice, and you don't work
through the future consequences of your actions.  You act capriciously, and
it can hurt other people."

Akari responded as if she'd been slapped.   "Hurt?  I never try to hurt
anyone!"

"Not consciously, no.  But... well, Soshi broke a man's neck with his bare
hands.  No matter what face he puts on that, it's got to be hard on his
psyche.  You didn't have to throw that in his face in an effort to get him
to do what you think is best for him."

Akari gaped, unable to formulate a response.

Shuukou watched her for a moment, then continued.  "In a way, that makes you
every bit as bad a person as you have often accused Soshi or Kenchi of
being."

"I- I never-"

"Like I said, you let past events slide by without acknowledging them."
Shuukou stood up.  "Think about it for a while.  Excuse me."  She walked
deeper into the woods, her hands touching tree trunks as she went past them.

Akari opened and closed her mouth like a fish out of water.  That had been
*so* unfair, she thought.  I never try to hurt anyone, I'm always there to
help, just ask the people in the hospital, can't anyone *see*?  Her lip
trembled slightly under the force of the unjust accusations.

A scream made her look up.  One of the tengu was on one knee, one of its
wings bent ninety degrees.  The others stopped and watched, concern on their
faces.  Another of the tengu knelt next to the injured one, gingerly probing
the apparent break with its beak.

Akari leaped to her feet and ran over.  "Let me!"  She reached out for the
wing.

The injured tengu opened its beak and hissed at her.  Akari squealed and
snatched her hands back.

The other tengu turned to regard her.  "What do you here, human?"

The way the spoke without using their beaks still creeped her out a little
bit.  "I... it's my magic, my gift.  I can heal people.  Let me help."

The two tengu looked at each other; Akari sensed a communication taking
place.  Finally, the uninjured tengu looked back at her.  "We know of your
gifts, and we would find them useful in this instance, but we do not trust
you."

Akari recoiled even further.  "You don't trust me?  Why?"

"You use magic, but are not of the magic.  There is a wrongness around you,
and we fear it."

"Wrongness?"  Akari blinked.  "It... I... I didn't grow up with it like you
did.  I... we studied it and studied it and studied it until I couldn't
think of anything else.  We spent days and weeks and months looking over it,
over the fields that were around, that could be tapped and directed and
used.  We wrote up dozens of theories and equations and proofs and then we
did it.  We created it and instilled it and now I can use it."

Akari tossed her head slightly.  "I wasn't born to magic, but I know it.
Maybe better than you.  Let me help.  I can do this."

The tengu regarded her for a few more moments.  The injured tengu hissed
once; then the uninjured tengu backed away, clearing her access to the
injury.

Tentatively, Akari reached forward and placed her hands on the wing.  She
closed her eyes and felt for the magic inside her.  Let w be the level of
ambient electromagnetic energy.  Let z of x be the specificity of the alpha
patterns of a human brain.  Do a polynomial expansion along three axes.  Now
solve for a specific point-time in the first quadrant.

And let the magic flow.

It fired in her brain, down her arms, through her hands, into the wing.
Slowly, the wing straightened.  Akari let the magic move up and down the
tengu's wing until she was satisfied.  Then she removed her hands and beamed
at the tengu.  "Better?"

The tengu stood up and snapped out its wings.  It folded and unfolded them a
few times.  Then it looked at Akari.  The tengu hissed one final time, then
turned and walked into the forest on the far side of the clearing.  The
other tengu followed, not so much as looking at her.  Akari didn't know if
she should feel insulted or not; that hiss hadn't sounded very much like
gratitude.

Shaking herself, she turned and made her way back to her friends.

---

"Tell me again why we're here."

Despite the irritated tone, Kenchi was expressing sentiments Akari herself
was feeling.  "I'd like to know that too, actually.  Are they going to help
us?  Keep us safe?"

"I don't know."  Judou sounded more than a little defensive.  "I've talked
to my father, but all he says it that we need to go visit the temple."

Akari took a spoonful to the soup Judou had brought them.  It was some kind
of vegetable broth, good in its own way if a little bland.

"Your father," Akari repeated.  "How is he?  He didn't seem overjoyed to see
you."

"What happens between my father and I is my business," Judou responded in
irritation.  "Not anyone else's."

"More secrets?"  Soshi's voice was gently mocking.  "It wouldn't have
anything to do with the 'family heirlooms' you shared with us?"

"*My* business," Judou repeated.  "In other words, butt out."

With a small shriek, Akari threw down her spoon.  "I'm sick of it!"

They turned to look at her with surprise.  "What?" Kenchi asked.

"Sick of the secrets!  Sick of the fighting!  Sick of *everything*!"  Akari
looked around at the other imploringly.  "Can't we just lay all the cards on
the table?  Tell everything we know about everything?  Things are trying to
*kill* us, doesn't that mean we should work together?  Share all we know?"

"Life must be simple in your world," Kenchi said quietly.  "No
responsibilities.  No concerns about other people.  I'd like to live there."

"Hey!"  Akari gaped at Kenchi open-mouthed.  That had been almost
unbelievably cruel.

Judou sighed.  "Kenchi, back off.  There's no need for that."

Kenchi grimaced and looked mildly embarrassed.  "Sorry."

Akari closed her mouth and smiled slightly, accepting the apology, even as
she continued to feel the sting from the words.

"But he does have a point," Judou continued.  "There are other
considerations here.  There are things about the tengu I can't share with
you yet.  For their protection as well as yours."

Akari looked over at Judou, feeling betrayed for some reason.  "But, given
the circumstances-"

"Try trusting us, Akari," Judou said.  "We're adults.  We know what should
be shared and what shouldn't.  We'll survive."

Grabbing her spoon, Akari took another sip of the soup, trying to keep her
hand from trembling.

Shuukou pushed her bowl away.  "Look, we have to figure something out.
We've got lots of questions and no answers.  We have men in beige suits
trying to get us and some kind of Western goddess who is either trying to
help us or kill us.  Judou, you're a tengu and your brethren won't say
whether they'll help us or not, despite the fact that their magic got us
into this mess."

"Their magic did nothing of the sort," Soshi said testily.  "We did it to
ourselves.  Don't you remember?"

"Either way, the tengu are at the very root of this," Kenchi said, looking
at Judou.  "They know what's going on.  They have to come clean."

"Do they?"  Soshi's sightless eyes were turned towards Kenchi.  "They could
very easily decide that we're too much trouble, and quickly and quietly
dispose of us.  End of problem - for them *and* us."

"Th-that's a terrible thing to say!"  Akari sputtered.

"I'm capable of many terrible things.  So are you."  Soshi had turned
towards her.  "So are the tengu.  We have to be prepared for anything and
everything if we want to stay alive."

Judou was rubbing his forehead.  "Look, let me say this.  I guarantee that
the tengu won't hurt us.  They may force us to leave and fend for ourselves,
but they won't try to kill us."

"You sure?"  Shuukou tilted her head.  "Absolutely sure?"

Judou nodded.

"Very well."  Kenchi still sounded dubious.  "That brings me back to the
original question.  *If* they decide to help us, what sort of aid can they
provide?"

"That's something the priestesses at the temple will be able to answer."
Judou took a spoonful of soup.  "I hope."

A kind of wistful sigh drifted through the room.  Everyone concentrated on
their soup, with the exception of Shuukou, who merely gazed into the air
without moving.

A scream made everyone jump.  Almost as one they shot to their feet and ran
for the door.  Akari looked over her shoulder at Soshi, who was following as
quickly as he could, his hand trailing along the wall of the hut.

Akari ran over to where several tengu were huddled around one of their kind.
Akari stopped beside Judou and looked down to see the tengu she had healed
earlier.  It was cradling its wing and screaming.

Akari blanched.  Something was very, very wrong.

One of the other tengu examined the wing.  Akari looked at it also, horror
running along her nerves.  The wing where it had been broken was black and
rotting.  She could see the necrosis spreading even now, spreading along the
wing.

Akari leaned forward.  "Let me-"

Several angry hisses made her jump back.  One of the tengu produced a sword.
Akari couldn't see exactly how it could handle it, but it was devastatingly
effective.  With one lightning-quick slash, it cut off the injured tengu's
wing near the shoulder.

The tengu screamed, then lost consciousness.  Another tengu brought a torch
and quickly cauterized the wound.

Akari felt like she was going to be sick.  "What happened?" she said, almost
shrieking.

"Your magic was foul."  One of the tengu - she couldn't be sure which one
because none of their beaks moved - spoke angrily.  "At first it healed.
Then it turned sour and attacked him from within.  Now he is maimed.
Because of you."

Akari took a step back.  "N-no!  No, it- it can't-"

"Akari."  Judou had turned to look strangely at her.  "Is this true?  Did
you heal him?"

"Y-yes!  I mean, his wing was broken and... and I *fixed* it!  Just like I
fixed everyone else!"

"Other humans, you mean."  Soshi had joined them.  "This is the first time
you've tried to heal a non-human, isn't it?"

Akari blinked back tears.  "B-but it shouldn't be any different.  I mean,
healing is healing, I *helped*!"

"This is what I was talking about," Soshi continued relentlessly.  "You saw
a tengu in pain and you went to help it.  Never mind that it was a creature
of magic and you had no idea how your gift would interact with it.  You just
blindly used your magic without considering the consequences."  He gestured
towards where the tengu used to lie, evidently unaware that it had been
carried away in the meantime.  "Well, take a good look at the consequences."

The tears began to fall in earnest.  Akari looked around to the others.  She
found no sympathy.  The best she got was a blank look from Judou.  The
others looked angry or disgusted.

Akari blindly whirled and fled.  She ran deep into the forest and collapsed,
sobbing, the sight of rotting flesh and blood filling her mind's eye and
torturing her relentlessly through the cold night.

---

Judou found her in the morning, curled up underneath a tree.  She hadn't
slept and heard him coming.  She watched his eyes and saw no expression in
them.

He stood over her, examining her.  "How are you doing?"

"I'm all right, I guess."  She moved to rise and Judou reached down to give
her a hand.  She smiled at him and was overjoyed to see him smile back, if
only slightly.

Akari brushed leaves and dirt from her jumper.  "How is the tengu doing?"

"Tano?"  Judou's smile faded.  "Physically, he'll be fine.  The elders are
watching over him.  We'll have to see about the mental trauma."

"Judou."  Akari clutched his arm tightly.  "You have to believe me, I
never... I never meant to hurt Tano.  I was just trying to help.  I truly
thought I was healing him.  I can't explain what happened to him."

"I know, Akari."  Judou's voice was low and gentle.  "I know you'd never try
to hurt anyone.  You're the nicest person I know."

The relief was overwhelming.  Akari leaned into Judou and clutched his chest
tightly, sobbing.  Slowly, he put his arms around her and she cried into his
shirt.

They stood that way for five minutes, ten.  Then Akari brought herself back
together and stood back, smiling.  "Thank you."

"You're welcome."  He indicated the forest.  "I've been told to go visit the
temple this morning.  I thought you'd like to join me."

"I'd love that."  She thought that perhaps the priestesses would be able to
tell her what went wrong with her gift.  Akari followed Judou through the
forest until they came across a footpath.  They followed that higher up the
mountain.

Akari suddenly clutched Judou's hand with both of hers.  "Thanks for
believing in me, Judou.  I can't tell you how much that means to me."

Judou nodded, his face quiet.

Akari leaned her head against his arm.  "And... and I want you to know
that... that no matter what, I'll be with you always.  To support you as
you've supported me.  It means everything."

Judou stopped abruptly.  Akari's momentum carried her a step forward before
she stopped and turned to face him.  "What's wrong?"

"Akari."  Judou gently removed his hand from hers.  "What makes you think
anything's going to change?"

Akari blinked.  "What?  What do you mean?"

"Look."  His face and voice were sober.  "You asked me a question once.  I
told you no.  I meant it then.  I mean it now.  You can hang around me all
you want and look at me with those doe-eyes of yours and it won't change my
feelings about you.  I can't *ever* be with you.  Not in the way you want."

Akari felt the bottom dropping out of her world.  "B-but..."  The sniffled.
"I th-thought that... I mean, now that I know who you are... where you came
from... now that I know everything about you-"

Judou cut her off.  "You know nothing about me."  His voice carried an edge,
one that she'd never heard before.  "I liked you, Akari.  As an associate
and a casual friend.  But there is so little you know about the real me.
And I prefer to keep it that way."

"B-but-"  Akari shook her head, denying his words.  "It's been more than
that, I *felt* it.  We- you and I- there is so much that's right about us, I
know that-"

"Dammit, Akari!"  Judou turned away from her, put his back to her.  "Can't
you *see*?  I don't love you, and all your wishing won't change anything,
ever."

The tears came again, falling in a steady cascade from her eyes as she
stared at his back.  It wasn't true.  What he said wasn't true.  He was the
only thing that was keeping her sane and he was saying things that indicated
everyone and everything she thought she knew was a lie.

"I hate it when you do this," he continued.  "You can only perceive reality
in a certain way, and you turn a completely blind eye to things that might
challenge your worldview.  Well, Akari, it's time to grow up and see things
for what they are.  You have to live with not knowing everything about
everything.  Your magic can hurt as much as it can heal."  Judou paused for
one searing second.  "I have never and will never love you.  Accept that
before you rot away our relationship just as you rotted away Tano's wing."

Akari dropped into a crouch, her head between her knees, her hands over her
ears.  She sobbed once, the emptiness of her existence overwhelming her,
leaving her without hope, without direction, drifting, open.

In the center of things is a calm, empty, place.  Nothing resides there,
nothing but the essence of the thing, without a shape or form but existing
nonetheless.  It is when you find that place that you find the truth of the
thing.

It is when you find that place that you control the thing.

I assessed the situation.  My breath was just this side of hyperventilating;
I took one large gulp of air and then held it.  My heart was yammering, and
I willed stillness into it.  By the time I released the breath from my lungs
and took in more air, my body was calm.

I stood up, looked around.  Judou still had his back to me.  Good.  I wiped
the tears from my eyes and the smile from my face.  Little good would it do
me if he'd seen that.  It had been a while since I'd had a body, and I
needed to make sure that I controlled its reactions better.  Even as deeply
satisfied as I was with the day's events, I had to act as if I was
heartbroken.  They needed to think I was Akari.

Up until the time I destroyed them.

I felt the corners of my mouth twitching upwards.  I bit my lip for a few
seconds, then called out tremulously, "Judou... can we go now?"

Judou nodded, still not looking at me.  Good; the subtle corruption spell
I'd wrought was still in full force.  He walked off down the path, and I
followed him, doing everything in my power to keep from laughing out loud.

~*~