Where did I go? Why should I tell you? You really can't do any more damage, you know. You've done all you can, and we are all still alive. You, on the other hand, have only a very short span remaining. You, individually, and "you" as a group. It's May now, and you will have run your course by oh, say, early August. By the end of August, you will all be dust. Yes, I am quite sure. It's a pity, really. Some of you are rather intelligent. Which should tell you, if you are intelligent, where I went. ***************************************************************** Wings of Fate Chapter 25 - Out of the Woods Written by Lirazel Created by John Evans and Ardweden ***************************************************************** If you'll think a moment, you'll realize that, for me, the time we spent with the tengu in Aomori was little short of paradise. It should not surprise you that the tengu were kind to me. They were angry, deeply angry; they were especially angry with me, because I had perverted magic, as they saw it, in what I did with Phillipe's body. To make a tree serve my ends like that--it was like a rape to them. Even though we merely accelerated a natural process, what I did was utterly unnatural, totally opposed to what the tengu are. They don't really see justice as humans see it. On the one hand, they are more, well, bloody-minded than we are. They'd rip up and eat the body of an enemy without a second thought, not for revenge, but merely as food, if they were hungry and in crow form. It's their nature. But on the other hand, if someone under their roof needs help, even an unwelcome someone, they will give it, even if that person is also an enemy. So, they helped me with what I was experiencing from being so close to the mountain, and we came to what I guess you could call an understanding. Ultimately, it didn't change anything in what they decided. But it did change how they treated me, and what I did. My magic, if you can call it that, is most similar to their own. They derive their magic from their nature, from their connectedness to the land. I connect to the land by the nature of my magic. There is still a divide between us, but we can speak across it. Which is why I was so horrified when they showed me what they thought of me in Kamakura. I couldn't get away from them fast enough. I had thought I was so well in tune with the trees, with nature, and the tengu showed me how very wrong I was. By the time we met at the Yamen onsen, I had realized they were right. But I also realized that even if I never so abused my powers again, I could not unmake what I had become. I think they realized it as well. It would be wrong to call us friends, but we are no longer opposed to each other. And, though they have cast Judou out, they tolerate me, for now. Did they teach me how to control the power of the mountain? No, you fool. You can't "control" a force like Mt. Osorezen. There's too much there for any living creature, natural or unnatural, to "control". The best you can hope for is to control yourself in its presence. The tengu merely showed me a few techniques for self-control. It was kind of them; they are not unkind, just not human. Once I had some self-control, I spent a day and a night exploring their garden. There were trees there over 500 years old. Such great, wise trees--not great in size, but great in the spirit that filled their years. Wiser than the tengu. I think--in fact, I know--that the tengu envied me the deep communion I had with those trees. Now there's a difference worth noting; while the tengu envied and tried to restrict us, you envy and try to control or dominate. At least the tengu know a power they can't use when they see it. The healing that had begun in the forest north of Kamakura was completed in that garden. The trees grieved with me, and then reminded me that life grows on. I know, it sounds sentimental. Cliches often sound sentimental, till you live them. Not that I wouldn't willingly rip your guts out for what you did to my forest. But it's less personal now. More a need to restore balance to an unbalanced universe and less a need for revenge. Some creatures just need to be killed, like rabid rodents, lest they spread their infection to the rest of the world. For example, I can practically hear one or two of you thinking that it would be a great thing to be able to "talk" to the trees, and make the trees "tell" you their secrets. But the knowledge of the trees would be of no use to you. When Akari was--taken--by that Thing, the trees were aware of it, and of Him, but it was not knowledge they could pass on to me like a telegraph signal. There was discomfort with something that was happening with Akari. It made me worry about her, even more than about what I was sure she naturally felt after she failed to heal Tano, but I perceived nothing. That such a foul, vile-- that such a thing could touch me, using Akari's body and me not know it--the trees could not protect me from that. You, who seek power from the trees will not understand it if you find it, because to you it doesn't look like power at all. My idyll with the trees of Yamen was interrupted by our individual sessions with the priestesses at Entsu-ji, and the trial before the tengu Council. No, I will not tell you everything that was said to me. It should become obvious after a while. While the others were waiting to depart, I sought out Judou's father, Amano. He was packing up his things in a small knapsack. "You are leaving also, Kurasuno-san?" "Yes." He sighed, and I realized I was looking at a very worried old person. "I can hardly stay here, in disgrace, while my son goes into exile." He gestured to a small table. "But you wish to speak to me?" We knelt on the tatami, facing each other. "I have a message from the priestesses to the tengu." I said. He looked expectant. "It comes in the form of a haiku: In the end, the dam Builds the strength of the river, Overwhelms the shore." Judou's father sighed. "I know. I've told them. But I'll tell them again." And I bowed, and left him, and returned to Tokyo. The tengu had given us our orders, and I was not about to disobey at once. Not when there was no need. Also, I believed that I could look after Akari better in Tokyo. I was both right and wrong about that. I hope she has forgiven me. ***************************************************************** My time in Tokyo was short. I don't like cities, but they don't bother me as they used to. I found myself a room in a youth hostel, and spent most of my days in Ueno Park. I did not go back to my forest. That is to come. But the trees of Ueno were able to tell me that growth had begun there again; both the official growth of the reforestation effort and the unofficial beginnings that have followed fire since the first time a tree was struck by lightening. Some of the largest, oldest trees in the forest center were still alive. Most were badly maimed, and some of them were still dying. It takes a long time for a tree to die, sometimes. I could not have borne to come closer. Well, naturally I ignored the tengus' commands in this case! They must have known I would. There's "using magic"--studying it, seeking to control it--and there's being who you are. If I had exerted myself to control events with my powers, they might have had reason to be angry, but as it was, I was just sitting in the park on a bench near a tree. You would have walked past me without thinking twice. Some of you probably did. I knew where most of the others were before the week was out. Judou passed through on his way elsewhere. He only stayed at his apartment for two days, so there was no time to contact him, and wherever he went after that was beyond my sensing. Kenchi was somewhere to the east. And Akari went home, as she said she would. Soshi... Soshi was actually quite close by. When the week was up, I went to see him. He looked very different with a shaved head, dressed in monk's robes; I nearly giggled. He knew it was me at once. "Shuukou," he said. "Is this a permanent arrangement?" I doubted it, but I wanted to be sure. "It seems--suitable, for a time. The monks are helpful and ask very few questions." "How long?" "At least another week or two. I have an associate watching my house. If all seems well, I will return there." He paused. "Would you be interested in staying with me for a bit?" I was taken aback. I would have expected such an offer from Kenchi, based on our past--well, friendship isn't quite the right word, but tolerant companionship. And on Kenchi's intervention the day my forest burned. But Soshi and I were such opposites in our approach to life, in our powers. Though I did not forget how angry he had been at Kenchi on my behalf, or his concern that I might lose myself in my deep contact with the woodlands. Soshi mistook the meaning of my silence. To my surprise, a light blush passed over his face. "I don't mean-- I mean, you'll need a place, and I could use the help. I thought..." "No, no." My own face was hot. "I'm just surprised, that's all. It's very good of you to offer." We sat quietly for a moment, while my face cooled off. "Unfortunately, I don't expect to be in Tokyo very long, and I may not be back for a while. But if you still have room later on?" He nodded. "Um, excuse me for being intrusive, but did I hear what you said properly?" "You mean when I said I need the help?" For a moment, I thought I recognized the old Soshi smirk. "I need less than you think, but there are a few things where eye-sight is useful. Reading one's mail, for instance." "And cooking? I'm not a very good cook. Also, I'm vegetarian." "I've never cared much about food, one way or the other. The monks are vegetarians, and the food here is quite uninteresting. Besides, there's always take-out." I was even more taken aback--Soshi almost seemed to be beseeching me. "Soshi, what do you really want?" A slow grin, that I-know-more-than- you grin, stretched his mouth. "I need someone in the house who doesn't plan to obey our former hosts. If you planned to abide by their edicts, we would not be having this conversation, would we?" "I have not been using magic, if that's what you mean." "Ah, but you can't help it, can you? You *are* magic, now. Or, rather, you would not be yourself without your powers." "That-- may be so." "The same is true for me. However, I think the others have yet to learn this. After all, Judou only received his powers a few weeks ago. It would be convenient to me to have the support of someone who understands the need to keep going." "You mean-- you want me to help with more magical experiments?" "Yes." I was tempted, for a moment. Only for a moment. My instructions were specific, and I intended to obey them. "Sorry," I said. "I don't plan to be back here for several months. I'll check in with you then, if I may." Soshi opened his mouth to speak, but a gong sounded in the temple behind him. A column of monks began to file past the door. "I must go." "I'll think about what you've said." "Good-by, then, Shuukou. Take care of yourself." I jerked upright from the bow I had been making. Soshi's back was already towards me, as he moved with unerring step towards the line of shaven heads. "You also, Soshi," I called gently. One hand flickered out at me. I caught the string of prayer beads in mid-air. ***************************************************************** My last day in Tokyo, I went out to Akari's house. I had called ahead, naturally. I wanted to make sure she would be there, rather than at the hospice. She had sounded fine over the phone. Or, nearly fine. There was an odd little catch in her voice from time to time, as if she was starting to say something just before she actually spoke. I even spoke to her about it. She was fine, she said; just getting over a little cold. Maybe, though, it was that tiny sound, barely heard over the phone, that put me on my guard. I chanced, as we say, to catch an early bus, and got to Akari's neighborhood about twenty minutes before I had planned. As I got out of the bus at the corner of her street, I naturally reached out my hand to touch a tree on the strip between the sidewalk and the street. Well, naturally for me, anyway. And, equally naturally, I was at once aware that something was very, very wrong at Akari's house. How wrong? Let me put it this way; if the trees in her yard, if the shrubs in the garden, if the sidewalk plantings had had any power of motion of their own, that house would have been standing in a howling desert. As it was, the grasses and smaller plants were starting to die of their own accord. There wasn't a bird, beast, or bug to be found within ten miles, if that bird, beast, or bug could possibly get away. The taint of corruption and evil was disgusting. Don't misunderstand me; my five senses told me nothing of this. To the living things that were not human, the evil was easily sensed. Sensed? It was overpowering. But a human eye, or nose, would only notice that Akari's lawn seemed a little browner than the norm, and that the air near her house smelled a bit dusty. I decided that marching up to the front door and ringing the bell would probably be unwise. Instead, I found myself searching in my bag for something that could serve as a weapon, in case I ran into trouble. My hand fell on the prayer beads Soshi had tossed me, and which I had thrust into my bag and nearly forgotten. Now I put them over my head, fervently hoping he had cast some sort of protection spell on them. He must have, or I could hardly have escaped. Then I walked *away* from Akari's house. That's right; I walked away >from her house, to the next corner, then down the street to my left, until I believed I was facing the house behind Akari's. A small stand of nearly leafless trees stood between the two rows of houses, on this street and the next; a narrow corridor of uncontrolled growth. All the better. I walked carefully between two small houses, and was looking into Akari's back yard. Recollect, now; this was late November. The very warm weather we had enjoyed in October was long since over. There had been a light snow two days earlier. Also, the sky was gray and overcast, and a light drizzle was falling. A true November day, only to be appreciated by those who like weather whatever it is doing. Akari was sitting on a cast-iron garden chair in her back yard, wearing a bathing-suit, her legs stretched out before her. Her face was completely expressionless, and her eyes stared straight ahead. Her left arm hung limply at her side, but in her right hand she was holding a long, sharp knife. And as I watched, her right hand drew the knife gently down her leg, from the hip to just above the knee. I would have thought the touch had been too light to do any damage, had I not seen the red droplets springing to the surface behind the blade. I noticed that the line of the cut was crossing other lines, some white and fading, others the pink of recent scabs. Akari's face remained expressionless. Her hand laid down the knife, and ran up the cut, from knee to hip, coating itself in a film of blood. Then, her face still expressionless, Akari's tongue licked the blood off her hand, very, very slowly. She then sighed deeply two or three times, rose, and walked into the house, leaving the knife behind her. ***************************************************************** Well, what would you have done? Gone charging in there, magical guns blazing? Even if I'd had such offensive weaponry, I would have hesitated to use it. As it was, I had nothing that I could use without potentially hurting Akari. I did know that I couldn't face her as if I hadn't seen. Maybe I should have tried. Maybe, if I had tried, I would have found out what was really happening. I didn't. I couldn't. ***************************************************************** There was also little I could do with my powers. In addition to the anguish I perceived among the growing things, the natural slowness of winter made it unlikely I could set a trap, or spring it. And trap what? Also, I was not about to make the same mistake I had made with Phillipe. I was pretty sure that I was dealing with magic, or something unnatural, rather than madness. For one thing, I've known crazy people--there's quite a few frequenting Ueno Park, for instance. Some of them even talk to trees. None of them causes the kind of response in the natural world that was going on around Akari. What I did, finally, was to creep among the shrubs until I could see both the seat where Akari had been sitting and the windows of the house. I wasn't sure I could reach the seat without being spotted, and I wasn't sure what the consequences would be if I was seen. Finally, I was about a meter behind the chair, looking up at the windows. Akari was looking out, leaning her forehead against the window. It was pretty senseless, I know, but suddenly my plan of sliding on my belly up to the chair seemed absurd. I knew I was physically hidden where I was, but if there was something unnatural here, that would hardly prevent my being perceived. And if Akari really was mad, then maybe she'd make some sign, ask for help. I stood up, stepped over to the chair, and picked up the knife. It was a perfectly normal carving-knife, with an ivory handle. Once it was in my hand, I looked back up to the window. Akari's face was perfectly blank, as it had been in the garden. But I seemed to see, around or behind her, a thin haze of darkness that began to shape itself into a rod or fist and stretch itself towards me. I flung my arms up to protect myself, and began to back into the trees, away from that dreadful place. I hardly expected to make it. I could not outrun whatever was coming towards me, and I had no protection beyond whatever was in Soshi's beads. But then I saw Akari's eyelids flutter, and she seemed to slump over and disappear. She must have fainted. Which probably saved both our lives. That Thing could not abandon her body to pursue me, in case she woke up free and escaped from Its control. And while she was unconscious, It could not force her after me. Perhaps Soshi's beads helped as well, making it impossible for It to simply swap hosts. Anyway, as soon as Akari disappeared from view, I turned and ran through the trees, through the yard of the house behind, back up the street, and over to the bus stop. No one saw me, fortunately; I must have looked wild, with a knife in one hand, grimacing with teeth clenched, and tears streaming down my face. I hated leaving Akari there. It is one of the things I will not forget, or forgive. The bus stop was deserted, but as I reached it I could see the front of the bus a few blocks up, coming around a corner. Hastily, I stuffed the knife into my bag and tried to still my breathing. When the bus door opened, I was groping for the change in my pocket, like any other passenger. The driver was the same one who had dropped me there, less than an hour before. "Well, that was a fast visit!" He must have caught something >from my face, because he asked "Is everything all right?" "I suppose," I replied. "My friend said she would expect me, but she-- wasn't home." ***************************************************************** When I got back to the hostel, I wrapped the knife-blade in a handkerchief, wrote a letter to Kenchi and Soshi, and packaged both knife and letter carefully. I called Kenchi's voicemail and told him to visit Soshi. I told him Akari was in danger, but the package might help--I knew that would intrigue him. I mailed the package to Soshi's house. And then, I followed my instructions. I had paid attention to the tengus' commands, when I could, but I was determined to follow the instructions from the priestesses at Entsu-ji to the letter. I was in Aomori four days later, and back in Yamen the day after. The tengu were not at all surprised to see me. The following day, I made my way to the temple once again, and took up my residence among the priestesses. I spent all winter up there, with the snows and the silence, studying the winter dreams of the old trees in the valley, the even older trees that lived, twisted and stunted, on the flanks of the mountain, and learning from the others to discern the ways of prophecy. Learning what I could about the way things really work. I don't have true foreknowledge; that is Judou's power. Nothing shows me visions. But, every so often, I don't have to think about what's in store for me or someone else. I know. I stayed up there until the next step in the game we seem to be playing drew me out. You might even say that of all of us, I am the only one who is here of her own free will. I am still waiting, you see, until justice comes for you, murderers and torturers, and willing partners of worse. I will see it. I will help bring it. And it will be soon. But I still regret that I didn't do more for Akari. ***************************************************************** Author's Notes: I'm not a sicko. Really I'm not. ^_^;; Seriously, I surprised myself on this one. Didn't know I had it in me. I'm not sure I've really caught Shuukou's "flavor", as it were--I had trouble making her as passionate as she is in the earlier episodes. It seemed to me that she had been silent for a long time, but that also someone who communes with trees will find it tricky to say much to people after a while. Many thanks to Ravi, who is rapidly becoming the Gawd of WoF Continuity. See if you can spot the howler he had me correct! ^_^ With regard to the whole question of the back-and-forth of time in WoF, I was thinking over the debate when I happened to pick up a collection of H. P. Lovecraft short stories we have lying around (right next to the henbane, dollink!), and found *The Statement of Randolph Carter*, which begins thus: "I repeat to you, gentlemen, that your inquisition is fruitless. Detain me here forever if you will; confine me or execute me if you must have a victim to propitiate the illusion you call justice; but I can say no more than I have said already." So, you see, we are in good company. If we handle our tools more clumsily than HPL, it is because we are still learning. The title comes from the great Robert Frost poem, *Two Tramps in Mud Time*, which contains the final stanza: "But yield who will to their separation, My object in living is to unite My avocation and my vocation As my two eyes make one in sight. Only when love and need are one, And the work is play for mortal stakes, Is the deed ever really done For Heaven and the future's sakes." Write for fun. Write as if WoF was the only thing that matters. And it will all come out. Write!