The noon sun blazed outside Hiroto High School as the students finished up whatever lunch they had and trudged back inside, dreading their next classes. "If a couch is not-gasp-covered, it will-wheeze-gather dirt and dust." A shadowy figure, slightly more disheveled was the night before,(as was indicated by the cast around it's left leg) slowly trudged up an old rickety flight of stairs. "We are-haaaahhhh-the slipcover; the couch-gasp-is the world!" The figure slumped down on the steps to gather it's breath. "Cover the couch!" It declared. "For the sake of the-" "HEY!" yelled a passing teacher. "Get off of those stairs! Termites got into them and they could give away at any minute!" The figure spun abruptly, and gawked at the teacher. "Huh?" With a certain amount of inevitability(two tablespoons, to be precise.), the stairs decided they wanted to take a break, and did, sending the shadowy figure down into the basement. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Improfanfic, in association with Greywolf Productions, presents: FURNITURE WARRIORS X PLUS SIGMA TURBO THALLIUM BATTLE 2002!! or, just Furniture Warriors X. Begun by the great Brian Strickln. Continued (finally!) by the humble Kai Gomi, a man with a wolf fixation, and no less than two reams worth of unfinished fanfics! (The Furniture Warriors concept is the copyright of Nihana-san, obviously. If I even thought about claiming it was mine, I'd be chained up in a cell where I would have to play MicroShaft's newest game, "Marlo/diMario is Missing!" over and over to survive.) Chapter II: Climbing a Stepladder to Heaven! Or, MORTISE COMBAT!!!! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- What happened last time, in FWX: Brian got his starter voted in! A whole snotload of people failed to write for this fic! Pooey on them! We were introduced to our new hero, Seki! Much, much fanservice, courtesy of Yashiko! Seki showed up Kumayama-sensei by acing a test he didn't study for! Seki revealed Kouto's secret, and was challenged to a duel at the Venerable Ancient Duelist's Arena and Squash Court! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Ladies and Gentlemen" "WAI! WAI! WAI!" "Would you stop it already you little..." "Beautiful Lightbulb Assault!" "...cough... thank you for flying Transcendance Airlines, flight..cough...42. We have arrived at Tokyo International Airport and hope that you enjoy your stay here...ugh." "WAI! Lumi- chan wins!" -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Sunset. And, as had been previously arranged, Kouto stood in the middle of the Venerable Ancient Duelist's Arena and Squash Court. Fans had gathered to cheer on both fighters, despite the nature of their weapons, and they had packed the stands. Despite this, the wait had left most of them more senseless than if they had been exposed to one of Hugh's speeches. Even the bookies were having a hard time staying awake as the bets trickled in, one by one. (Equal odds, since Seki had proved himself to be more than capable of taking Kouto on.) Kouto gritted his teeth impatiently and glanced toward the sun as it showed it's last blood- crimson rays before it set completely. He stalked over to the Student Council's private front row seats. Dimly lit, of course, as one of the member's GameLackey Advance sucked the very photons from the air. "Damn. Where *is* he? He should have been here by now," growled Kouto. "That is your problem," rumbled the first of the council. "You were the one who issued the challenge, without our backing. You will not have our help in this one." "Perhaps, Benma. Although I assure you that he would even be a match for you." "Benma? Beaten by a newcomer?" asked the member with the GameLackey offhandedly. "I still remember how badly I was beaten. I couldn't do a thing with my Kompaqqu Ryu. Cables, monitor, ATX case, nothing!" "You flatter me. It was luck that the binding on my bear rug broke and smothered you." "Oho. Then perhaps he is not the follower of The Way as you had originally believed, Kouto. Oho," laughed the female member of the Student Council "He will be here. I would dare to bet it on The Way. From what I heard from Ichiro and Nizo, apparantly he is a mahogany belt in Isujitsu." "Indeed, I am." Came a voice from behind. "Student of the Big Tibetan Furniture Dojo, with a Mahogany belt in Isujitsu. I am here, Kouto, as we agreed." Nakajima Kouto turned to face the opponent behind him coming out of the men's locker room. "From behind, Seki? Have you no honor?" Seki advanced slowly, chair still wrapped and easily held on his right shoulder. "I was not aware that you would be facing with your back to me, Kouto. However, I have arrived. You will find me to be an honorable opponent." Seki and Kouto squared off. Of course, it was entirely possible that they could have pentagoned off, or circled off, or rather, any of a number of geometric shapes, but squared off they did. This time around however, Kouto did not bother to bring his weapon out. Seki took note of this and became wary. "Okay, gentlemen, I want a nice, clean fight, no dirty moves," instructed Ichiro. "You have one minute for the customary trash-talk. Begin." Declared Nizo. Nakajima Kouto took the lead. "I warned you that I would be more prepared this time around. This time, prepare to feel the wrath of my full repertoire of techniques." A few people woke up at this loud boast. Bookies scribbled. Initiative was good. Three to two, Kouto. 'Play to the crowd, Seki,' thought Seki. "Manly words coming from one so...feminine." The entire crowd jolted awake at this. Seki's followers, led by Yashiko, of course, roared their approval. The bookies scribbled down new odds. Stingingriposte. Two to one, Seki. "You shall see, Seki. Behold! I call this coatrack, The Entangler!" With a flourish and a twisting of FurnitureSpace, hauled forth a coatrack that made Seki blink twice. Kouto's fans roared back their approval. It was a ten foot long mostrosity, with a head full of prongs designed to catch, entrap, and even break the opponant's weapon. And considering the ease with which Kouto twirled it, Seki could see that he was at a serious disadvantage. The bookies changed the odds. Even betting. Seki opened his mouth and tried to think of a suitible retort, but Ichiro cut him off. "All right, gentlemen time is up. Get ready for battle, 'cause those fans are waiting for a good fight, so get to it. On the whistle." Seki bowed and removed the yak-hair tarpaulin from his chair and held it at the battle-appropriate 13 degree angle. Fire boiled in Kouto's narrowed eyes as he appraised his opponent. Seki merely returned his gaze with a Look Of Cool Righteousness, something that he had picked up from training under Master Ikea (#584-B). -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Seki found himself in a rather precarious position. On the one hand, he had found himself a worthy opponent. He assumed that was because that Kouto no longer had to exert his control over FurnitureSpace. On the other hand, his opponent's longer weapon was giving him a bit of a problem in getting in close, and past the entangling prongs of said weapon. "CRUSHING COATRACK UPPER!" He leapt backwards as Kouto spun his weapon in a uppercut series that would have pounded him mercilessly had he been within range. Uppercut, uppercut, uppercut, uppercut, spin...opening! "CROSS CHAIR SLASH!" Seki swung his chair with all his might thrice, causing crossed lines of force to scream toward Kouto. Of course, Kouto completed his spin, and brought his coatrack back up to deflect the ki attack harmlessly into the air. "TWISTING DOWEL STRIKE!" Perhaps he should have taken that extracurricular course in Fighting Opponents That Have Longer Weapons Than You. Wait. Twisting. An idea began to form in Seki's head... It was rough, but it should work. Skei cleanly sidestepped Kouto's attack as he began to refine the idea in his head like 180-grit sandpaper and wood. "CHARGING SHAFT THUNDER!" Seki watched closely as Kouto transitioned cleanly off of the spin, concentrated his ki into his weapon and prepared to lay the joinery-based smackdown. Lightning trailed off of Kouto's coatrack as he charged forward, seeking to impale and electrocute Seki in the process. "RISING CHAIR FIRE!" With an upward sweep, Seki gritted his teeth as he caught the catching prongs of the coatrack in mid-thrust and swept both their weapons upward, bringing their faces within inches of each other. "You are...a worthy opponent," grunted Seki. Kouto's almost feminine features contorted with the effort of keeping his weapon in place. "Pfeh. Save it. I did not expect to fight a pushover tonight." Seki briefly glanced upwards. Good. Hopelessly entangled. "Then you should not be surprised that I will be doing this." As Kouto looked up reflexively, Seki charged his ki. "CROSS CHAIR SLASH!" Kouto barely had enough time to exclaim in shock as Seki dragged the two intertwined weapons together, snapping prongs like twigs, and let loose with two intersecting lines of force. The hapless Student Council President flew directly backwards into the front row, broken coatrack following dutifully after it's master. Backwards, that is, into the Student Council's seats. "Oho. Oh that hurt. I think I may have a broken rib. Oho." came a faint laugh. Benma growled. "Kouto! Get off of me, or I'll remove you from the office of president, coatrack or not!" "I think I may have died and gone to heaven, actually. What is this soft thing?" noted the member with the GameLackey. "EEK! eeked the female member. Nizo dashed over to the Council box. "Nakajima Kouto, you have ten seconds to get up, and get back into the ring." Kouto was out cold. "Nine. Eight. Seven." Seki narrowed his eyes and held his chair back at the ready position. *Now* was the moment of truth. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Lumi-chan trundled along, lost on one of Tokyo's many streets. Never one to be bogged down by such a small problem, she promptly raided an ice cream store. And another, and another, and another....Actually, Lumi-chan had lost count of how many ice cream stores she had been to. "Numm... Lumi-chan is full...So much ice cream." "CROSS CHAIR SLASH!" Lumi-chan jumped at this exclaimation and use of The Way. "Brother Seki! Wai! Now Lumi-chan knows where she is! WAIIIIIIIII" And with that, Lumi-chan took off toward the brightly lit building. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- "Three. Two." Seki breathed a deep sigh and let his chair down. It did not appear that Kouto was going to be getting up again any time soon. "One. YER OUTTA THERE!" Ichiro dashed over to Seki and lifted his arm in victory. "Aaaand the winnah, Seki!" Or at least he would have. With a shout of "BROTHER SEKI!", followed by "HEY! HE'S MINE! GET AWAY FROM HIM!", a maroon colored fall of hyperactive girl, turbocharged from an additional fifty gallons of ice cream, slammed into Seki's back. For the second time in as many days, Seki saved his chair from being dashed against the ground by holding it up and landing on his face. As he was prying his lips off the floor, he had one thought run through his mind before his head hit the floor, from Yashiko pouncing on the two of them. 'Lumi-chan is here. Oh, joy.' Then he blacked out. -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- IN CHAPTER THREE OF FURNITURE WARRIORS X! WHAT will Seki do now that he had freed Vanity? WHAT kind of plans does the infamous Student Council have in store for Seki? WILL Tokyo survive this coming of Lumi-zilla, the Ice Cream Vacumn? WILL this author be horribly, horribly bludgeoned to death by irate IFFers for such a lame part? Find out in the next EXCITING EPISODE, Chapter Three: Lumi-zilla Takes on Tokyo! -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Author's Notes Whooie. After being informed that I had a part due, oh, about three days into the period that I was to be writing this part, I logged on to IRC, and found one very impatient Brian Stricklin willing to help me remember. Namely, by etching "WRITING GET" into my furry forehead. I would not be surprised if the implement to be used in such a situation would be a sharpened shard from one of Queen Radiance's broken light tubes. In any case, the part is finished. I'm probably finished, to boot. Yeah. Everything stays more or less self-explanatory. I assume that everyone in the school will now, slowly begin to expose themselves to the glory of enlightenment and The Way! After all, with Kouto's defeat, I would assume that his standing would go up a bit in the school's social hierarchy. Also, there are a few notes from Brian that I would like to pass on. The first: "I tried to give one of the council members - Benma, I believe - the trait of speaking in single-word sentences, similar to Fuujin. It's not set in stone, of course, and it'll probably be difficult to keep up, so..." Try, if you can. But if not, like the man says, oh well. Numbah 2: "Just a thought, but it might be better not to name and give weapon specifics for all the council members. Let others have a bit of the fun. That's why I left 'em blank to begin with." So following that, I've named only one member, and named only one style. Hee! Kompaqqu Ryu! Get it? Numbah 3: This was from IRC, and my logging broke down, so, to paraphrase, "Me: I hope you don't mind the back-seat burner place I've put Yashiko/fanservice into. Bri: Not a problem, so long as it doesn't stay that way for a long time." Much thanks to my prereaders, Brian, Anna, Kenji, and, last but not least, the one and only Empress of Constainia. This Fic Is Complete! Time: 4 days, and then some. Questions, comments, gripes, complaints, credit card numbers, please send to: knalty@sandwich.net -Kai