The sun shone clearly over the clouds as the figure soared through the sky, rolling, dipping and looping recklessly upon a partially made futon. Dressed in traditional Chinese warrior's garb, his clothes whipped in the wind as he flew headlong towards his destination. Sensing it in range, his futon dipped down from the stratosphere, putting the Big Tibetan Furniture Dojo in the figure's sight. With a smile, he flipped forward, falling towards the ground at breakneck pace. Then, when within a few hundred feet of the ground, he pulled a rug beater from where it was affixed to his back and began swinging it towards the ground. Amazingly, his descent slowed, allowing him to land softly. Reaching back, he knocked mightily on the door to the Dojo. "Ho!" bellowed the figure. "It is your great brother from China!" The heavy gates opened slowly, revealing the slightly disheveled form of Ikea. Looking over his clothes, youthful face, and the rug beater in his hand, Ikea came to a conclusion. "Are you, indeed, the mighty Sun Futon, the Legendary Mattress King?" Sun Futon laughed heartily and replied, "Indeed I am! And from your serious expression, I gage you are the brave Ikea, who served us well against the Ottoman Empire! If you don't mind my saying, you look a bit sloppier than I had expected." Ikea moved his eyebrows a few millimeters closer together, indicating sheepishness. "Ah, yes. Well, you see, while you were expected, you arrived a bit earlier than we had thought. My honorable wife, Queen Radiance, and I were doing something - how did she put it? - ero-ero." Sun Futon laughed heartily again. "Young Ikea, that was too much information! That aside, I was called here under the impression that there was a matter of importance for which I was required." "Yes," Ikea nodded solemnly, "it is of great importance. There is a young man in Japan to whom you must deliver a message from Queen Radiance." *** **** *** FURNITURE WARRIORS X PLUS SIGMA TURBO THALLIUM BATTLE 2002 though, most people just call it FURNITURE WARRIORS X *** **** *** Furniture Warriors X was all Brian Stricklin's idea, and he's going to have to live with that for the rest of his life. Gaijin Dan Mastriani just wrote this one part, so he hopes he'll be overlooked by future generations. Now, a fact that should not be lost to history is that the entire Furniture Warriors concept was thought up by Nihana-san, and if I ever dared to claim it was mine, I'd be locked in a cell and forced to eat all the magazines I've been keeping like a packrat since the mid-1980's. Mmm, roughage! *** **** *** Chapter X Don't Couch Your Opinions! - or - King-Sized Legend! Moving Missal of the Mattress King! *** **** *** Seki spun, his chair cutting the air, and flinging sweat off his body. There was an early morning chill in the air, but if his training hadn't inured him to that, growing up in Tibet would have. However, today, it was his training that Seki was concerned with. Impaling the space before him, Seki let loose with a powerful thrust, the legs of his chair set to impale any unwary foe. Twice now, Seki had been aided by the power of the Bed. But, what was this Bed? Why had it helped him? Seki spun his weapon, practicing a disarming move. Seki did know that this power had come to him in times of need. Both times, he would have most likely lost without its intervention. This troubled him. Certainly, a student of the Big Tibetan Furniture Dojo did not crave victory, but at the same time he was expected to be able to defend himself and others. Seki executed an overhead strike. To lose a duel would be to fail to defend Vanity, who he had promised to protect, above his general concern for others. Seki smote the sky with a Rising Chair Fire. He had not won those fights; the Bed had won them for him. Without conscious thought, he had been infused with a power that he had not earned. To win in such a way was not the Way of the Dojo. And what would happen should he come to depend on this power, that could just as easily not come to him? No, such a fate would not be his. He had not made this Bed. He would not lie in it. "The shelf has fallen from the wall." "The books have been spilled on the floor." "However," interjected Kouto, "the shelf can be refastened. The books can be put back on the shelf." "What do you mean, Kouto?" Kotaro asked. "We've all lost. Has there been word from the End of the Rug?" "He has said nothing. However, I have decided not to wait." Benma raised an eyebrow. "You're going to move without word from the End of the Rug?" "I'm tired of waiting," Kouto replied. "You're not the only one who's been training, Benma. I'm not interested in letting it go to waste." "OHOHOHOHO!" laughed Ijima. "That's all well and good, Kouto, but what makes you so sure you even get a rematch." Kouto eyed her levelly. "As the former champion, I'm entitled to one, which you may have noted I have not yet taken advantage of." Ijima smiled back. "Due to your unfortunate injury, as I recall." "That won't happen again." Kouto frowned. Benma shrugged. "Do what you like. If you win back the Rosewood Bride, it's a whole new round. Then we'll all get another turn." "This should be quite the interesting match, indeed," purred Ijima. Kotaro's GameLackey Advance beeped enthusiastically. Considering her energy, one might think that Lumi simply continues to move at all times, her massive ice cream intake providing her with power enough to never rest, much like the Energizer Bunny who graced our televisions for so many years. This, of course, is a false assumption. In reality, like your normal athlete, Lumi sleeps quite well. Furthermore, due to the regimented life of a student of the Big Tibetan Furniture Dojo, she would go to bed at the same time every night and sleep right through to the same time every morning. Normally, upon waking, Lumi would train. Hyper or not, she was still a Furniture Warrior, and she was still raised in a dojo. Granted, it was in an abnormally exuberant manner, but she trained regularly and diligently never-the-less. Today, however, was different. Though it was past the time she usually awoke, Lumi remained in bed. She hovered at the edge of sleep, the thought of the End of the Rug's kiss floating through her head. It had been nice. "Ne, ne," spoke a voice from deep within Lumi's subconscious, "wouldn't it be funny if the Pretty Lady wasn't a lady?" Lumi smiled and mumbled in her sleep, "Hai! But that would be silly! The Pretty Lady is too pretty to be a guy!" "Yes, the Pretty Lady is very pretty!" continued the voice. "Do you like how the Pretty Lady looks?" Lumi shifted under the covers for a few moments. "Hai~! Now that Lumi thinks about it, looking at the Pretty Lady is nice!" The voice became thoughtful. "But, you know, there's something strange about the Pretty Lady's body." "Anou?" mumbled Lumi. "Lumi doesn't think the Pretty Lady's body looks bad." "Well, not bad," responded the voice. "Just weird, for a lady. You know, like how the Pretty Lady's hips are kind of small, and how the Pretty Lady's chest is really flat. For a lady." Lumi rolled onto her side. "Lumi supposes that the Pretty Lady's body isn't quite how a lady's body should look." The voice brightened again. "The Pretty Lady kissed you! That was nice!" Lumi nodded. "Hai! Lumi liked that!" "You know, didn't Ikea-oniichan and Queen Radiance-oneechan kiss a lot?" noted the voice, again thoughtful. "Lumi never really thought about it, but they did, didn't they?" Lumi rolled back onto her back. "So," concluded the voice, "it must be something boys and girls do." Lumi's eyes fluttered open. "Did I kiss a boy?" The clouds cooled Sun Futon's body like a cool sweat, clinging to his body like morning dew. Having refreshed himself, he dipped out of the sky, and surveyed the city below him. He was nearing the coast. Soon, he'd be over the ocean, and in no time at all, over Japan. There was no time to waste. Hey, was that a Son Son? Sun Futon swirled out of the sky and into the city. He'd make a quick stop at the convenience store, so he could pick up supplies for his trip over the ocean. After all, there was quite a lot of water to travel over, and he could use some snacks. It wouldn't take him more than a few minutes, and then he'd be off to the coast, then over the ocean, and in no time at all over Japan. After all, getting something to eat certainly didn't count as wasting time. *** **** *** Next time, on Furniture Warriors X Plus Sigma Turbo Thallium Battle 2002: WHAT is the mysterious message from Queen Radiance? WHO exactly is the Legendary Mattress King? WHERE the hell was he when he could have been helping against the Ottoman Empire? WHEN Seki and Kouto fight again, who will emerge victorious? WHY was this chapter so damned short? I'd be surprised if any of these questions were answered in the next episode of Furniture Warriors X: Don't Discount a Furniture Warrior! Come on Down! *** **** *** Author's Notes: Bleh. I just couldn't think of anything, so that answers the last question. Anyhow, I'm not sure Sun Futon is a good idea, but I couldn't come up with anything better, so there you are. He's supposed to be incredibly strong, but inversely responsible, leading to him letting the kids do their own fighting. Hint, hint. Anyhow, for those of you who don't find it stunningly obvious, he's a Monkey King parody. The Monkey King is otherwise known as Son Goku, who I'm sure you've all heard of some incarnation of. However, his name was based off the original Chinese name, Sun Wukong. So now you know. There's really not much point in mentioning any other of my plans at this point, so I'll just give out some thanks. First off, thanks to Bradley from the chat room for helping me brainstorm at the last second. Also, thanks to Brian Stricklin for the suggestion that Lumi's realization come in the form of a conversation with her inner teenager, and giving me the first couple lines of dialogue to help me out. Last but not least, thanks to Ard for giving me a couple extra minutes to wrap things up.