o/~ Never bring forth the Bed again. o/~ o/~ Never show us your half of it again. o/~ o/~ And run the sheets through the wash! o/~ Two of the girls behind the hospital curtain stared at the third. o/~ What the hell are we singing about? o/~ o/~ It just sounded good! o/~ o/~ But look at Master Kouto! o/~ Indeed, Kouto was twitching merely at the mention of the Bed. o/~ Just great, you did it again. o/~ o/~ At least I didn't mention the cabbage! o/~ Kouto started shaking like a man having a seizure. o/~ Whoops. o/~ *** **** *** FURNITURE WARRIORS X PLUS SIGMA TURBO THALLIUM BATTLE 2002 or, for those who desire to conserve bandwidth, FURNITURE WARRIORS X *** **** *** Furniture Warriors X is an Improfanfic series started by Brian Stricklin and given a limited run, much like the rest of the human race. ... Oh, wait, Stricklin didn't make the humans. I did! Bwahahahaha - *Cough* Ack. *Shakes fist* Yeah, yeah, smite me, thanks a lot. This part's written, much like part nine before it, by the e'er- deranged Tuxedo Jack, whose MSTings inspire death threats and whose unholy lust for Cadbury Creme Eggs caused him to sell his soul to a random ursine for a few crates of said delicious substance. Furniture Warriors is obviously the work of Nihana-san, y'know? If I claimed to own it, thought that I owned it, or thought that I thought that I owned it, I'd probably be covered in packing peanuts and forced to eat printouts of Richard Simmons's "Dream Maker" episode scripts. *** **** *** Chapter 13 Lampshades of Your Heart! ~ or ~ Table-lating Your Options! ~ or ~ If a Swivel Chair Scoots Down a Corridor And No One's There, Does it Make a Sound? *** **** *** Easy listening wafted throughout the corridors of an office building in Anytown. It was just your average, nondescript office building - just a massive, towering obelisk the color of blackest night dominating the horizon like the Republicans over the US government. But this was far from a normal office building; nay, it could never be termed "normal" or anything even remotely close to it. In this building lurked customer service robots that went rogue; a basement filled with traps like flamethrowers, loose shards of glass, and an unusual amount of copiers; a training area completely out of the standard four dimensions; a psychotic CEO hellbent on world domination; and a secretary who could use something akin to, but not within the range of copyright infringement, the Force. And all that doesn't even mention the greatest asset of that building, which is a man, a single man, who, when he was first hired, single- handedly went through fifteen levels of stuff that could make up a video game; conquered said evil CEO, and used his skills and power as a Swivel Warrior to defend all that is righteous in the world. Yes, that asset (to the Human Resources department) is Harry, the Handsome Executive, and he was swivel-gliding down the hallway whilst wielding his Bi-Angular Directionally Assisted Stapling System (or B.A.D.A.S.S.) as if to ward off the robots - or pop open a water cooler. He slid into his office, giving a nod to Pam, his secretary, and grabbed his mouse and keyboard to find that he'd gotten new mail. "'From Dr. Ubermann to all staff members... Our esteemed director of the research labs, Doctor Akai, is taking an indefinite leave of absence to pursue his dream of an ideal research specimen.'" He blinked. "'Research specimen?' He hasn't mucked with any research since I wrecked his labs!" Harry pushed a button on his phone. "Pam, hold my calls. I think I'm going to have to go down to the labs." "All right, Harry," the reply came. "Oh, but before you go, Andrew Welch and Ben Spees are on line one. They want to make a game about your training." Harry snorted. "When will they learn?" He looked at the e-mail again. "'He's been with us for a hundred and twenty years, and we wish him all the best.'" Harry shook his head. "They really ought to proofread these things. I mean, a hundred and twenty years? They must have added a zero in there." * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * "Oniisama!" Seki shuddered. Lately, Yashiko seemed to be even more clingy than normal - and as everyone knows, Yashiko is clingier than a sweater with static electricity. "Oniisama, your chest needs bandaging again! And this time, I have to put the healing salve on by hand!" "Just great," Seki muttered to himself. Not only did Yashiko pull Vanity away every time she had tried to heal him, but she had taken to wearing a nurse's outfit to boot. The Furniture Warrior dove into a bush to escape the nearby girl, who ran past him, skirt aflutter and Gainaxing all the way. Yashiko ran past, not noticing Seki, and he slipped out, following her, until... "WAI! Seki-niichan!" _Why me?_ he sighed. "Lumi-chan, why aren't you with Yashiko-san?" "She told me to look for you, Seki-niichan!" She turned and ran ahead of him. "YASHIKO-NEECHAN! I FOUND HIM!" Seki gulped and _ran_. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Akai, meanwhile, sat calmly in the Secret Underground Chamber and Electrical Closet and sipped at his coffee in an elegant cup. Natsumi, Kotaro, and Ijima just sat there. Being an evil lord, Akai hadn't bothered to offer them coffee. It didn't matter; what he was telling them turned their stomachs, and they'd not be able to drink or eat anything for a while afterwards. "And that's why I propose that we four work together," he said, placing his cup daintily onto a nearby saucer. "She's much too valuable and formidable to be with merely one group." "Yet what you're proposing would place her with only one group - yours," Natsumi said. "And from what you've told me, ScumCo isn't exactly the kind of group we Dark Warriors would want to casually ally ourselves with." "And the Student Council has many interests of ours in this," Kotaro muttered. "Our buffet - erm, the school - must be protected." Akai smirked. "Ijima, my dear, you're unusually quiet. Don't you want to object against our union?" "I'm all for it." Kotaro and Natsumi blinked in surprise. Akai merely smiled. Ijima continued. "Like you told us earlier, you've got the resources, and we've got the information and skill. As such, we're the perfect allies." Akai nodded. "And I take it that that means that we're going to do business?" Kotaro stood. "I'll talk to Benma and Kouto. If they agree, the full might of the Student Council will be at your disposal." He turned to the door, then turned back to Akai. "Benma would have been here himself, but he's... indisposed right now. It seems that someone got to him with a video game." Kotaro left. Natsumi smirked and stretched. "I'm leaving, but I'll talk to my people. If I can get them to agree, we'll talk about working with you." She slipped towards the door. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go. There's excellent programs on." Akai stared at Ijima. Ijima stared at Akai. A cricket chirped in the distance. "So..." Akai was a touch more nervous now that he and Ijima were alone. "So." "You're really all for this?" "There's worse things I could do." Ijima glared daggers at him. "Like fight Seki while his little sister is out on the field." Akai sighed. "I do apologize for that, but it was necessary." Ijima stood and walked to the door. "Just remember that I still owe you for that beating I got." Akai merely nodded. "Just make sure that Vanity's what we need." After Ijima left, he pulled a photo of Vanity out of his pocket and stared at it. "My dear departed specimen... _what_ have you gotten yourself into this time?" Just them, a knock sounded at the door, and Akai quickly stuffed the picture back in his pocket. "Come in." "Am I intruding?" "Not at all, not at all." Akai gestured to the chair, and his guest sat down. "So, I take it you're here on business?" The visitor smiled. "Not exactly, but not on pleasure either. You've heard that the Light Side of the Bed has escaped from Arkham?" Akai nodded. "And he's headed directly for our dear Vanity." "And if he gets to her and takes her like he wants, we're in deep shit." "But I thought that he'd cease to exist if Vanity was..." "No, no, no." The visitor shook his head. "The thing is, if one side of the duality of the Light and Dark Furniture Pieces is eliminated, which is, in my case, Vanity, the other side will gain a hellacious power overbalance and will influence Furniture in ways beyond the norm." Akai sighed. "And who's the other one? His pawn?" "Oh, haven't you figured it out? If the Dark Side's pawn is Vanity, then the Light Side's pawn is simple." Andy Hiroto, also known as the End of the Rug and the Dark Side of the Bed, pushed up his glasses and steepled his fingers. "You can guess who it is." Akai snorted. "After all, we're all furniture at heart, aren't we? And if we were to lose Vanity, we'd lose that chair-ness, or table-ness, or bed-ness." * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Seki grunted. Yashiko had chased him for seven blocks, which isn't really that surprising, since she's Yashiko. She'd added a lasso to her rather large array of capture devices strapped to her waist, and apparently, she was quite adept with it. How adept was she? Adept enough, because Yashiko was dragging a hogtied Seki behind her. "Oh, no, oniisama, you're going to be in the best of care, and you're in the best of hands with me, Shizuhara Yashiko!" Yashiko grinned maniacally, and Seki... Well, Seki merely went "meep!" * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Eventually, Yashiko ended up getting Seki in bed, and she got his shirt off. And yes, she massaged his wound with healing ointment. Lumi-chan continued wreaking havoc on the poor freezer, continuously playing "Pirate and Treasure" with the ice cream that the Shizuharas kept there. Vanity... well, where was Vanity? She was twitching in the bathroom. Her varnish had worn off, and the pale figure with all its demonic scribbling just sat shaking and moaning. Lumi-chan, meanwhile, felt the call of nature, and headed towards the bathroom. When she got there, she knocked. As there was no answer to her knock, Lumi pushed open the door and entered the bathroom... Only to see Vanity twitching in the furo. "Ano, Vanity-neechan, are you all right?" Vanity stood up, albeit shakily, and stumbled over to Lumi. "Help, please...my varnish..." Lumi let out a little shriek as Vanity wrapped her arms around the Denkijutsu practitioner. Vanity's face came closer to Lumi's... And then Yashiko came in with Seki resting on her shoulder. Their response to this was simple - Yashiko smirked in triumph as Seki's eyes bulged. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Harry kicked open the door to the labs and scooted inside. After a few minutes of scooting on the low-friction floor, he found a scientist. "Oh, Harry, good to see you again." "Yeah, Barry, you too. How's things down here?" Barry the Averagely Attractive Scientist sighed. "It could be better. The experiments with the slimes aren't going too well - you remember that incident too well, though, don't you." Harry nodded grimly, and Barry continued. "Then there's the shards of that throne we got two years ago. We'd had excellent success with those, but there was something that screwed that up, and now we're missing the boss... well, things could be better." Harry blinked. "Shards from a throne?" Barry smiled. "Oh, you're in management, so you didn't know about this. Two years ago, we received some pieces of a broken throne from somewhere called the 'Ottoman Empire.' Apparently, one of our bombs broke the throne, and we got sued. We lost, and we're supposed to rebuild the throne as some 'seat of power' or something for..." Barry consulted his clipboard. "The Hiroto High School student council." "Ottoman Empire..." "Well, we won't do it, Harry," Barry said. "We can't rebuild the throne - we never got enough parts to even come close to rebuilding it." "What a relief," Harry muttered. "Oh, but we did them one better!" Barry beamed in triumph. "We implanted the shards into a girl at the request of one of the Student Council members using the methods researched by another one of them, and she has incredible powers because of it!" Harry's mouth dropped open in horror. "Not only that, the throne itself is a link to the some dimension of darkness or something. When the right conditions are met, that girl can do some pretty amazing stuff, and she can channel even more power than normal thanks to the shard of it in her!" Harry gaped. "How... why..." "Oh, it's simple. The person who used that throne made it into some unholy dark sacrificial altar or something. We simply focused the power in the throne's shards into that one, and the girl could use the powers that the previous owner commanded." "Who was the owner of that throne?" Harry gasped out. "Someone named the 'Ottoman Emperor,' I think," Barry said. Harry scooted towards the door and pulled his cellular phone out of his pocket. "Pam, can you get me the fax number for the Big Tibetian Furniture Dojo?" * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * "And that's how we're going to use the girl," Akai said to the three warriors in front of him. "Interesting," Ijima said calmly. "You're nuts," Kotaro whispered. "You're even crazier than Sephy Lee Roth." Natsumi shrugged. "Then I suggest we begin the operation immediately," Akai said. "If you'll meet me at a certain ice cream store, we'll execute the plan tomorrow afternoon." The three warriors nodded, stood, and left. "Does that plan meet with your approval, Hiroto-san?" Akai said quietly. "It certainly doesn't meet mine." Andy Hiroto melted out of the shadows in the Secret Underground Chamber and Electrical Closet. "It'll work, as long as it stops the Light Side and ensures that I retain dominance over the Furniture." "It'll work. We can bring back the past and resurrect the future with that girl." "Resurrect the future?" Hiroto smirked. "You certainly have a poetic soul, Akai, for someone who works at ScumCo." "Soul?" Akai frowned. "What soul?" * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * "Vanity-san? Just what are you?" Seki posed the question from his bed - which was really Yashiko's, and since she was healing him, she insisted that Seki stay in her bed. Lumi had gotten even more nervous and hyper than usual while in the bathroom and had accidentally upended the can of Soul Varnish all over Vanity. That caused her to go back to normal, and all of her tattoos and markings disappeared... for the moment. "Master Seki, please don't think of me differently because of this," Vanity began. "It goes back to when I was a little girl..." (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) "The Four Families will duel, 'nee-chan," the figure said. "Ano, oniisan, why are they dueling in the first place?" a young and extremely kawaii chibi-Vanity said. The figure shrugged. "Simple, really. There are two sides to furniture - the Light Side and the Dark Side. Each side has a conduit for funneling energy through, and you're the one that the Dark Side has designated." "The Dark Side's conduit-chan?" Chibi-Vanity wrinkled her nose. "I don't want that job, oniisan. I want to be an upholsterer!" "You are what you are, Vanity," the figure said, patting her on the head. "And one of the four winners will be your master... unless it's that Kobayashi girl, and in that case, I don't have a clue what she'll be." "Ano, Ijima-san? She likes my muffins," chibi-Vanity said, beaming. "That's not all she likes, sister," Andy Hiroto said, smiling evilly upon his younger sister. (CONFESSION) (CONFESSION) (CONFESSION) (CONFESSION) Seki sat up halfway, then winced and lay back down. Yashiko clucked and checked his bandages. "The Dark Side... wasn't that what Terebi-san wielded?" "There's more." (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) (FLASHBACK) Shortly after the duels started... "That ought to do it," Barry said, stepping back from the unconscious form of Vanity. "You're certain that the shard is deep enough in her so that it won't mess with the girl's purpose?" "Oh, of course it is," Barry said while he ran his hand over his forehead. "The tattoos were a bit much, though. I mean, geez, if that shard's a link to some dark evil dimension of power or something like you said, don't you think that the chunk of wood would be enough?" "There are pipelines to worlds unknown," a figure in the shadows said. "Each pipeline must be widened from time to time to allow more to pass through. The girl's the pipeline, the pipeline's to the world." "Well said, Dr. Ubermann," Akai commented just before a cola can hit him in his head and knocked him out. "HARRY! What are you doing?" Ubermann bellowed from the shadows. "Taking down this corruption, just like a true Swivel Warrior should!" Harry started firing his staple gun, and Ubermann was forced to dodge, but in the process, he knocked over Vanity's table, and she fell onto something that vaguely resembled the former Emperor's throne... A portal into FurnitureSpace opened, and Vanity was sucked inside. It closed immediately thereafter, and Ubermann raged. "You fool! Do you have any idea what you've _done_?" The only response forthcoming to his answer was a cola can, which hit him upside the temple and sent the ScumCo CEO to the floor. It also removed his memory of the past forty-eight hours, and as such, made him forget everything about this whole incident. As a matter of fact, he even gave Harry a raise for no apparent reason. Akai, however, didn't forget it, and the person he called a few hours later was even angrier. "What do you mean, 'she's in Furniturespace?'" Kouto raged. "I sent her to you to have you increase her power with the relics Benma got after the Empire's fall, not lose her! She's supposed to augment my power, not get lost somewhere in another dimension!" "Kouto-san, don't worry," Akai said, wincing. "She'll end up where you are... eventually." "EVENTUALLY?!?" Kouto was furious. "Eventually isn't good enough! She's got to read to me to put me to sleep tonight! She's got to..." A loud thud sounded from the other end of the telephone. "Kouto-san?" Akai said carefully. "Kouto-san, are you all right?" "Ano, he's all right," a feminine voice said. "It's just that I fell out of something onto him." (CONFESSION) (CONFESSION) (CONFESSION) (CONFESSION) "And so I ended up back here in Tokyo, Master," Vanity finished. "So you're a conduit to the Dimension of Darkness _and_ a ScumCo test subject?" Yashiko blinked. "Then that means..." "Ano, Lumi-chan is confused," Lumi said from her corner of the room. "Is Vanity-san working for the evil furniture warriors?" "No, Lumi-chan," Seki said from his sitting position on Yashiko's bed. "Vanity-san is not working for any evil furniture warriors." "Okay, then!" Lumi bounced up and grinned. "Lumi-chan has to leave now. Lumi-chan's got a romantiku deito with the pretty lady! WAI!" Yashiko sweatdropped. "You still don't know your friend's name?" "Ano..." Lumi touched her lips with her finger. "Nope!" A mass facefault ensued. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * The next afternoon... Seki had felt (relatively) well enough to go to school, and despite his insistence to the contrary, Yashiko (still in her nurse's outfit) had given him a sponge bath ("To prevent your cut from opening again," she said. Seki just winced). Vanity followed alongside Seki, as did Lumi, but Vanity seemed even more downcast and sad than usual. "Ano, Vanity-oneechan, what's wrong?" "I'm the cause of all of this fighting, all this pain," Vanity said miserably. "'Neechan, it's not your fault," Lumi said in her usual hyper-bubbly manner. "They chose you." "It still doesn't excuse the fighting and the bloodshed... perhaps if Master Seki had not come to Tokyo, the duels over my hand wouldn't have played out like they did. Maybe... maybe if I had stayed with Kouto-san..." Vanity waited for a response from Lumi... but none came. Lumi had run off towards the nearby ice cream parlor to meet with her dear, dear "pretty lady." Vanity sighed and kept walking. Meanwhile, Seki (with Yashiko still in her nurse's outfit) walked along with Yashiko under his arm "supporting" him. That was her excuse, at least. However, she didn't exactly support him when a gobo crashed into the ground ahead of them. She grabbed on to Seki, causing him to wince when she pressed against his cut. Ijima noticed this and smirked. "Shizuhara, we meet again!" Seki sighed and started to pry Yashiko off of him. "How could we not, Kobayashi-san, when you fire your metal shuriken at my feet?" Ijima stamped her feet. "Dammit, Shizuhara, it's a GOBO! Get it right!" She pointed at him. "And I challenge you to a duel as a Furniture Warrior!" "Kobayashi-san, I triumphed over you before," Seki said, finally getting Yashiko to release her grip on him (by tickling her, of all things). "What makes you think I won't do so again?" "This!" Ijima pulled out a lens and attached it to her spotlight. "This is a lens that focuses power of the Light Side of the Bed, and it's focusing my spotlight's power through it!" Seki gulped, Yashiko shook in fear (and she was Gainaxing to boot), and Vanity... well, Vanity fainted. It just wasn't Seki's week. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Seki slipped his chair out from under the yak-hair tarp tied to his back. "Fine, Kobayashi. I'll fight you." He turned to Yashiko. "Yashiko-oneesan, get out of here as quickly as you can. This is going to be dangerous. Take Vanity with you!" Yashiko grimaced, but she grabbed Vanity and ran around the corner. Nearby, Kotaro grinned and slipped into a Furniturespace portal. He Emerged a short distance ahead of Yashiko and Vanity, and he stood there with a rag covered with chloroform... and a large black bag. Yashiko rounded the corner... and ran right into the rag. She took one strong breath and passed out cold. Vanity was right behind her, but Kotaro had shoved the cloth into his pocket. "Kotaro-san!" Kotaro smirked. "All right, Vanity, just pass out and play nicely. You and I have to go somewhere." He reached into the large black bag... and pulled out a mouse. Vanity blinked. "Ano, is that supposed to do something?" Kotaro dropped the mouse, which clattered to the ground. "Whoops, wrong kind of mouse." He reached into his bag, rummaged around, and pulled out a live mouse. Vanity just stood there, blinking. "Um, Kotaro-san, is this supposed to make me faint or something?" Kotaro sweatdropped. "This is going to take a while." * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * "LENS FLARE!" Seki dodged, but still got part of his shirt burned away by the superfocused light. Ijima cackled. "Shizuhara, I know your weak spot, and I'm going to aim for it every time!" Seki boggled. "My weak spot?" "Only a fool would tell her enemy his weak spot," Ijima said, firing off a gobo at him. Seki leapt up, but in doing so, he left his chest open... "LENS FLARE!" The uber-hot light burned through Seki's shirt and roasted the skin where his Sun Futon-inflicted wound was. The pain... oh, man, it was incredible. Seki bellowed in pain, just like a wounded bull or Richard Simmons would. He then grabbed his chest, sank to the ground, and nearly dropped his chair. "Oh, hohohoho! So, I see you like my new Lens Flare!" "Low... cheap..." "It works," Ijima said through her smirk. "CROSS CHAIR SLASH!" The X of ki went straight for Ijima's lens... and bounced off. "Don't you just love one-way glass lenses? They'll focus my attacks, but deflect yours!" Seki leapt in, trying to slash at the spotlight, trying to catch it and fling it away... * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * "Kryptonite... a Crystal... no, that's Beeromus..." Kotaro sweatdropped as he pulled a small black cat out of his bag. It meowed, clawed his hand, and ran off. "Dammit, what's it going to take to make her pass out?" Kotaro sighed. "I've showed her everything I can think of and then some!" A soft snore interrupted his ranting, and he turned to see that Vanity was unconscious - but just sleeping. Kotaro facefaulted. He then picked her up, opened a tear in FurnitureSpace, and teleported away. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * "STROBE HALLUCINATION!" The incredibly fast flashing light disoriented Seki and left little red haloes on his sight... and then Ijima was upon him, driving her spotlight into his gut and kicking him in the chest. He went down, flailing wildly, and screamed. "Aww, did I hurt the poor baby?" Ijima taunted. "Maybe I should go easy!" "Never!" Seki struggled to get to his feet. "Give me your best shot!" "Fine!" Ijima aimed her spotlight at his chest. "LENS FLARE!" Seki didn't move or flinch as the superheated light hit him... and then he leapt out of the way, brandishing his chair and charging Ijima. "What? That shot should have taken you down!" Ijima stared in astonishment as Seki's chair caught the edge of her spotlight. "All it did was cauterize the wound, Kobayashi-san," Seki bellowed as he pushed up with his chair. "RISING CHAIR FIRE!" The uppercut motion flung Ijima's spotlight far away, and she started to leap off after it when she felt Seki's chair in her back. "Do you yield?" Ijima winced. "Fine, fine!" Seki released her, and she leapt off, but Not before pulling out a light bulb from FurnitureSpace, lighting it, and flinging it at him with a cry of "FRESNEL GRENADE!" The heated bulb hit the ground, exploded, and sent fragments of glass Into Seki's chest. He sank to the ground, hearing nothing, seeing nothing... At least, not until the recently reawakened Yashiko came tearing around the corner screaming, "ONIISAMA!" Then the darkness took him. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * A few blocks away, at an ice cream parlor where the owner is sobbing something about "financial shambles" and selling his soul to make ends meet, Hiroto and Lumi were busy dining on the fine delicacy that is ice cream. Well, Lumi-chan was eating. Hiroto was merely watching her eat. Every now and again, a scream would erupt outside, or an explosion/godawful thud would sound, and Lumi would look away from her food. When she did this, Hiroto panicked and pulled out his wallet, which inspired the owner to bring out _another_ vat of ice cream, which then brought Lumi back to her senses - namely, eating the ice cream. Yes, it was a masterfully crafted distraction plan, and it was truly worthy of the End of the Rug, Hiroto thought to himself. However, the plan abruptly ended when a spotlight came crashing through the plate-glass window of said ice cream parlor and mysteriously did a three-point landing on Lumi's spoon. She bit down into it, then moaned and released it. "Ano... spotlight- san, what are you doing here? You're not Lumi-chan's ice cream." Lumi thought for a second, then brightened. "Oh, you're Ijima-san's spotlight! WAI! Ijima-san wants to play!" True to Lumi's thoughts, Ijima leapt through the broken window, grabbed her spotlight and ran off. Lumi leapt up from the table, much to Hiroto's dismay, and bounded off through the broken window. Hiroto ran after the girl, screaming something about sending the bill to the school, and left the owner in his ruined shop. The owner just sighed. It really wasn't his month. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Kotaro stepped out his newly-formed exit portal and into the Secret Underground Chamber and Electrical Closet. He gently draped Vanity over Akai's chair. "It's not like I want this to happen, Vanity. Hell, this is turning out weirder than any video game I've ever played. But if the End of the Rug wants it to be this way..." He shrugged. "If that's his will, that's what must be done." He opened the door, walked out, and shut it behind him. "Sorry, Vanity. Really, I am." * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Seki awoke in Yashiko's bed. It was no surprise to him; he usually ended up there when Yashiko was on one of her "nurse" jags. Yashiko entered, but she wasn't dressed in her nurse's outfit this time, just a normal blouse and skirt. "Oniisama, you're finally awake. Good." "Where... where's Vanity?" The girl's expression darkened for just a second. "They got her, oniisama. They took her." Seki sat up, and gasped in pain. "Oniisama, just relax! Forget about Vanity, and let me heal you!" Yashiko rubbed a salve across the glass wounds, and it seemed to ease the pain a bit. "Yashiko-san, where did you get this ointment? It's familiar." "From Kaede-sensei," she whispered. "He said you'd know what it was." Yashiko turned her face towards his. "So, oniisama, are you going after her?" Seki remained silent. "Why, oniisama, why? Why can't you leave it alone?" "I swore I'd protect Vanity, Yashiko-san, and I intend to do that." Yashiko started sobbing and flung herself on Seki's shoulder. "Just leave her alone! Then you won't be hurt anymore, and we won't have to worry, and you and I can be brother and sister in peace!" "There's no peace unless the Rosewood Bride is safe," Seki whispered to himself. He continued at a normal tone. "I'll protect you both," he said to her. "If that's what you want, I'll protect you too, Yashiko." "You mean it, oniisama?" Seki nodded, and Yashiko smiled. "A... arigato, oniisama..." * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Lumi leapt after Ijima. Yes, she'd been following Ijima for an absurdly long time, but hey, she has to use that sugary energy somehow, ne? Anyway, she'd followed Ijima to the SUCAEC, and when she saw Vanity in there, she decided that she was going to play with the pair of girls. Unfortunately, her kind of playing usually resulted in concussions. However, that was completely avoided, since Akai slipped a cloth with chloroform over Lumi's mouth, and she passed out. Before she went to the land of unconsciousness, Lumi heard Akai speak. "And another test subject for ScumCo. Excellent." Akai blinked in surprise. "What? This is... she's the..." Hiroto smirked. "She's the Light Side's conduit." "You won't hurt her, Akai?" "Not at all, Hiroto-san." "Excellent. You may proceed when you feel ready." Akai left the SUCAEC feeling rather pleased with himself, since his plan had gone off without a hitch _and_ he'd gotten the Light Side's conduit. "Going somewhere, Akai-san?" The sharp metal of a gobo underneath his throat underscored the violence in Ijima's tone. "Um, Kobayashi-san, what a pleasure." "Let's talk." Screams of pain and bitchlaughs could be heard outside the SUCAEC for about ten minutes, and then Ijima left with a smirk on her face. * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * \/\/ /-\ | * Next time, on Furniture Warriors X Plus Sigma Turbo Thallium Battle 2002: WHAT does Akai intend to do with Lumi and Vanity? WHAT does Seki intend to do to get them back? DOES Seki even intend to try to get them back? WHAT does Harry have to do with this? WHY the hell am I writing this at three in the friggin' morning? All this and more (maybe) in the next part of the FWX saga: Unstained Wood ~ or ~ Whatever Jexer picks as his title! * * * * * * * * * * AUTHOR'S NOTES Eeps. Jexer, I think I may have written you into a corner here. Gomen nasai if I have. Anyways, I _did_ have to go dig out my old copy of "Harry the Handsome Executive" (the full version, not the shareware one) for this, and let me tell you, it runs great under Basilisk II on Windows. If you don't have the game, go get it from www.ambrosiasw.com. If you have a PC and can't run it, get Basilisk II and HFV Explorer so you can run Mac OS 7.5.3 on your PC, then get Harry. If you'll check part 30 of FW, you'll see that the throne _was_ destroyed by a ScumCo Brand Chair Bomb, and it splintered. Since Nick Callahan put the demonic writing in part 12, I went one further and made sure that Vanity had a direct link to the World of Darkness (thanks to the throne, which _was_ the Emperor's link. Part 30 reference again) thanks to a piece of the throne. Harry's just an expositional character this time around. I used Ijima as Seki's enemy since he'd fought her dark side already. Seeing as how she's not one of the Dark Warriors (proven by the fact that she's not on Terebi's buddy list - FWX012.txt), she must use her Light Side naturally, and as such, would be stronger with it. Fresnels are lights used in theaters to create soft-edged light that spreads over a large distance, and as such, have large, hot bulbs... and they shatter very easily, as I know well from experience. -_-¿ Very many thanks to Gaijin Dan Mastriani and Nick Callahan for their prereading this part (twice, in Nick's case). Without them, this part would have sucked even more than it already does. Ganbatte yo, and ja ne! Tuxedo Jack Tuxedojack@juno.com June 1st, 2003