------------begin part one here-------------------------

                             DO-GOODERS

                 The Proactive Teen Superhero Team
                 With No X Anywhere In Their Title

               A FanArt HQ / Spoof Chase Improfanfic
                 http://pixelscapes.com/improfanfic

         "Battle of Bands!  A Rumble at the Prom."  
                 A Do-Gooders Omake
         By: Lady Chaos (cdrmoon@uniserve.com)

Original Story Concept and characters: Stefan Gagne
Animes, Vid Games, and Other stuff that's mention is c-right its creators
who are too many to name. "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" comes out
on June 11. Nordic mythology is full of hard to pronounce words.

Note: This little fic should have no effect whatsoever on the DG story line.
Remember to count the references to anime, video games, and movies.  The
person who catches them all will acquire the highly coveted "Proofing
Materia" which entitles its holder to call upon me as a Proofreader.  ^_^ 

      Nemesis Serendipity Villyn was busy staring at the computer screen.
He was plum out of evil ideas and this was not a good thing.  For the
Self-Proclaimed Evil Overlord of the World, who almost never steps foot
outside of Japan, this was an extremely bad thing.  
    So he had resorted to the lowest level of idea for evil
plots.fanfiction.  After searching the net for several hours to find a
decent fanfic to steal a plotline.er, evil ingenious plot from, he was about
to give up.  Most of the stuff he read was simply to far out there for his
meager faceless minions to manage.  Not to mention he was not an
all-powerful Dark Lord with a thousand monster minions or even a software
company mogul.
   "Gosh darn it Mr. Pikaworth!" he exclaimed to his slightly mangled
pikachu beanie baby.  "I must find a way to crush those damn do-gooding Do
Gooders!  I must!  I must!  I must!"
   He slammed his fists against the keyboard a few times to reinforce the
importance of this, but had to stop for fear of hurting himself.
   "Daddy!"  Aki Villyn exclaimed as she stared at him.  "Stop wrecking our
keyboard!  You're supposed to get ready to try to suck money out of the PTA
for the Prom budget so we can get a really rockin' band!"
   Villyn cringed, he'd not realized anyone had been watching him.  Ah, to
go but one day without hearing about Aki's prom.it was all he asked. 
   "Daddy!" Aki said again, causing him to come back from his trance.  "Are
you trying to ruin my prom?  Don't you understand this is the most important
night of my life?"
    He turned.  An evil plan was forming, the first of the night.  "Why must
you have so much money, Aki?  Why not just ask those Do-Gooders to play at
your dance so Daddy can hire some faceless minions to destroy them?"
    Aki wailed and the monitor shattered.  Too bad, he had found a
particularly nice site which featured group fanfic writing.  
   "Daddy!"  She sobbed.  "Daddy!  Why must you always try to ruin my prom?!
Why must you always try to kill the Do-Gooders?!"
    "Because I am a very evil person and that is what very evil people do.
Now, go and amuse yourself, Aki.  Daddy has to plot to kill his adversaries."
    Aki paused.  "Daddy.what if I found a band to play at the prom?  Would
you forget about trying to ruin it by killing my friends during their
performance?  Would you at least wait until the prom was over?"
    "Only if they were an evil band that would assist Daddy."
   Aki smiled.  "But if they were?  Would you promise not to even come near
my prom and wait until after it was over to try to kill the Do Gooders?
Would you?"
   Villyn thought long and hard.  He had waited for what seemed like over a
year to get those damn kids, and their weird gaijin friend too, so what
would be a few more hours?     
  No doubt they will expect me to attack at their prom because it is such an
obvious thing to do, he thought.  So I will get them when they are least
prepared!  When they are giddy and hyper from the strobe lights and
odd-smelling smoke from those machines.
   "Why, yes of course, Aki, dear.  I will gladly wait.  Now, go make Daddy
proud and find a particularly nasty evil band!  Preferably something with a
pop-ish or rock-like sound.  No Heavy Metal or Country."
    Aki nodded and went off to save her Prom.  Villyn waited until she was
gone before he burst into tears.
   "My little girl." he sobbed, "she's finally come around and decided to
join me in my world-domination efforts!"
    He cried tears of joy until he remembered that evil people weren't
supposed to do that so he had to stop.

Meanwhile our heroes were also preparing for the big night.

    Masturo was sitting at his desk, staring at the wall.  Actually he was
watching the headless, dancing hamsters play Bust A Groove.  They were
pretty good for hamsters, especially for hamsters that didn't have heads.
   The Bust A Groove dancers were two semi-decomposed sailor warriors.  The
one on the right clapped her hands together and several bony fingers fell
off; the one on the left did a back flip and lost her right foot.
   Off to his right Ultraman was fighting a giant chicken in a green vest
while Astro Boy and several members of the Voltron team were watching with
interest.  Matsuro found this really odd considering that he'd never seen
any of those animes.
    "Sephiroth." a decapitated head floated by.  It was purple and alien
looking.  Plus it was inside a fish bowl.  "Sephiroth, you must find the
Black Materia.and summon Meteor to take revenge on this miserable planet."
    He blinked.  "Wrong kid, lady."
   The head blinked.  "Oh, sorry, you bishounen psychopaths all look the
same to me.  You're sure you're not my boy Sephiroth?"
  Matsuro shook his head.  "I'm Matsuro."
  "Oh.well.then.sorry.I'll just be floating away now."
  His mother's body appeared on an invented crucifix a few moments later.
"Matsuro."
  "Hi, Mom."  A worm wiggled out of her ear.
  "Matsuro.you must go to the prom." His mother said as the worm crawled up
her nose.  "You must go to the prom."
   "The prom, Mom?"  He was shocked.  This was not the standard 'go to
Tokyo, join the band, the world is the egg and you are the chick' spiel.
Oh, and the worm thing was kinda freaky, too.
   "Yes, and don't drink the punch.  Someone will most likely spike it."
   "The punch."
   "Yes.  Oh, promise me you won't pay any attention to that floating Jenova
head.  I don't want you going off on some search to find the Black Materia.
Not with your finals so close."
   "Um.sure thing, Mom."
   The vision started to fade.  "Oh, and Matsuro?"
   "Yes, Mom?"
   "Clean up your room, eat your vegetables and take out the garbage."
    The Jenova head floated by again.  He ignored it.  But he didn't see any
reason to clean up the skulls.

<><><><>
   
   Worlds away in a happy little corner of something that every once in a
while passed for reality, three guys that some would call 'bishounen' stared
at a computer monitor.
   "Who would advertise something like this on the net?" the tall one with
glossy black hair asked.
    "Please, the net is the only place you would advertise something like
this," replied the second, his spiky hair shaking as he nodded.
    "It's obviously a joke of some kind," the third boy replied, and rolled
his eyes.
    "Still, we can't ignore this kind of thing," the first mused.  "We have
to check out it out.  Even if it turns out to be a joke."
    "So we go?" the second asked.
    The first whacked him upside the head.  "Isn't that just what I finished
saying?"
    "This is so ridiculous," the third one said.  "I can't believe you're
dragging us off to Tokyo over something that's mostly likely a joke!"
    "Why not?" The first shrugged.  "I have a craving for Ramen anyway."

<><><><>

    Kireiko was practicing his infamous guitar solo in the basement.  He was
also considering spiking the punch at the prom.
   Sake or Sapporo?  Vodka or Whiskey?

<><><><>

   Keiko was painting her nails black and dreaming about Matsuro.  Would he
ask her to the prom?  If he didn't do it soon she might have to put some
sort of mind controlling spell on him.  Maybe she should find a spell just
in case.  It never hurt to be prepared.
   She began flipping through her Big Book of Evil.

<><><><>

   Teijina and Hanaki were fighting over who would get to buy a dress they
both wanted for the prom.
    Teijina pulled one way, and Hanaki pulled the other.  The dress split in
half.

<><><><>

   Becky was sitting around watching Ranma ½ and wondering why the hell a
Japanese school was having a prom, planning for a defensive front against
Canada if they chose to attack, and planning her fashion-disaster prom dress.
   Sometimes having three personalities makes it easier to get things done.
Sometimes.
 <><><><>

   In the sewers of Cthulu local #39924-91, brother Maynard was trying to
convince His Eminence that it was the time to attack Shubby-chan.  But His
Eminence was too busy making fish-eyes at Jodi Foster.

<><><><>

    In the Darkverse, the Teletubbies were creeping everyone out.
   "Lalalalala la," cried La La.
   "Po po!" cried Po.
   "Tinky winky!" cried Tinky Winky.
   "Have a beer!" cried Dipsy Tipsy.
   "I'm beginning to think this wasn't such a good idea," said Esjie.
   The Tubbies spotted him.  Fresh meat.  "Biiiiiig Hug!!!!" they cried and
began to circle the general with glowing eyes.

<><><><>

    Aki was having a hissy fit.  She couldn't believe she'd actually agreed
to help find an evil band to play at the prom instead of the Do Gooders.
But, ah well.anything was better than her father ruining her prom.
   Her attempts to get a band had resulted in an ad on the Internet.  The
responses so far were: three people requesting her measurements, nine
thinking she was trying to get a date, and seventeen chain letters.
    A knock on the door interrupted her pacing across the floor.  It was
probably a good thing too; she was starting to wear a rut in the carpet.
   Opening the door resulted in her view of the three gaijins standing on
her porch.
   "Oh great, more faceless minions," she sighed.  "Look, guys, my dad is at
the video store getting Kimba the White Lion.  Can you come back some other
time?"
   The tall guy with the shiny black hair and green eyes cleared his throat.
Aki noticed he was dressed from head to toe in black.  
   "Are you Aki Villyn?" he asked.
   "Yes."
   "My name is Gabriel Kage," he told her, "my associates and I are here
about your ad."
   Aki looked over his 'associates' while wondering what a gaijin was doing
with a Japanese last name.  
   One boy had spiky purple-black hair sticking out from under a white
baseball cap, and was wearing sunglasses.  He was dressed in jeans and a
white T-shirt under a black duster.  The other boy had silver-gray hair and
green eyes.  He was wearing a brown jacket, pants, and a blue shirt.
   "Okay.but how did you find out where I live?" she asked.
  "Connections," the silver-haired boy replied.  
   He smiled and Aki noticed he had tiny little fangs. Upon closer
inspection she also concluded he had sharply pointed ears, and that his pale
skin wasn't a result of a lack of sunshine.  Oh, just great.they were youma
or oni.  
   If there was anything worse than youma or oni it was gaijin youma and
oni.  Oh, yes, and the Hello Cthulu Dolls.  One couldn't overlook the Hello
Cthulu Dolls.  Or the Teletubbies.  Or those damn Sanrio characters.  Just
what was the deal with Hello Kitty and Pochacco anyway?
   The gaijin oni ignored her spacing out.  
  "I'm Zephyr Kage," he told her.  "I found your ad and showed it to my.to
Gabriel."
  "I'm Xellun Himitsu," the boy with the shades added.  "Do you want to go
out for a cup of coffee sometime?"
   Gabriel whacked him upside the head.
   "Pay no attention to this idiot.  He's only here for comedy relief."
   "So you guys are a bad band?  Do you have any credentials or references
to prove that?" Aki asked, still hesitant to ask them inside.  Oni couldn't
come inside unless invited, right?  Or was that vampires?  She'd have to ask
Kireiko.
  "Your ad didn't mention you wanted references," Gabriel replied.
  What the hell kind of name was 'Gabriel' anyway?  Especially for an oni.
   "Why would a bad band have references?" Zephyr added.
   "I'd be happy to discuss it over a cup of coffee," Xellun replied.
   Gabriel whacked him upside the head again.
   "So let me get this straight-" Aki began.
   "I didn't realize it was crooked," Xellun said, dodging another blow to
the back of the head.
   "-You're a bad gaijin oni band.  You expect me to believe that?"
   "Hey, you're the one who put out the ad," Zephyr shrugged in a rather
bishounen way.
   Aki couldn't argue with that.
   "Aki dear!" her father's voice echoed called from the driveway.  "I'm
back!"   He proceeded to laugh.  "Ha ha ha!  With the last copy!  Ha ha ha!"
   "Hmm.evil laugh number 27," Gabriel noted.  "Let me guess.your father is
a would-be world conqueror."
   "How did you know that was evil laugh number twenty-seven?"
   He smiled.  "Oh, that's one of my favorites."
  
<><><><>

     Once Aki told her father that these boys were here about the band he
was more than happy to invite them in.  Of course they had to wait until
after he'd watched Kimba to talk.
    "So you are a band?" Villyn asked.
    Gabriel nodded.
    "We prefer the term 'group'," Xellun replied.  "A band.well it just
conjures up images of a bunch of happy people who get along and work well
together.  And.well, we're related so, well you know how relatives are..."
    Villyn nodded.  "Hmm, yes.  You can't get too friendly.  Never when
you'll have to kill someone to get ahead."
   "How true," Gabriel nodded.
   "So what sort of music do you play?"
   "Play.?" Zephyr looked up.
   "Well, you do have a demo tape don't you?" 
   Gabriel pulled something out of his pocket and set it down on the table.
"We have a demo *disc*."
   Villyn picked it up and put it in his armor.  A few seconds later a
sultry female voice began singing along to a catchy beat.  " 'No matter how
hard I try, you keep pushing me aside.'"
   "I can't understand what is being said," he complained.
   "That's because it's all in English."  Zephyr rolled his eyes.
   "Our lead singer was detained back in America," Gabriel continued.  "But
she can be here to perform if we're hired.  When is this prom, anyway?"
   "Tomorrow," Aki replied.
   Xellun fell out of his chair.  "Jeez, talk about your short-notice!"
   Villyn nodded.  "Well, seeing how I like your music, there is only one
last thing I have to ask.will you help me kill the Do Gooders?"
   "Um.sure," Gabriel shrugged.  "I guess we could do that."
   "Then that settles it," he stood.  "Now, if you'll excuse me-"
   "Just a second," Xellun said leaning on the table.  "I'd like to know how
much we're getting paid for this."
    "One thousand yen," Villyn replied.
    "That won't even buy a CD," Zephyr complained.
    "Okay, ten thousand yen."
    "Spilt amongst three people?  You can do better than that," Gabriel coaxed.
    "Then how about." Villyn put his pinky up to his mouth, "one million yen?"
    "That'll do." 
    Villyn skipped off to watch Kimba again.  Aki sighed with relief.
    "Doomo arigatou gozaimasu," she told them.  "You just saved my prom."
    "Don't thank us just yet," Zephyr warned, "we can't play any music."
    Aki face-faulted.  "But But But-"
    "A very good song," Xellun interjected, and was whacked upside the head.
    She ignored him.  "That c.d.!  It was so good sounding!"
    "Yeah, I am going to get my Cher cd back, right?" Zephyr asked.
"Because I wasn't done with it yet."
    Aki freaked out.  "Ahhhh!  You mean I just hired a band to play for my
prom that can't play music?!"
    "You asked for a bad band.what's worse than one that can't play music?"
    "I meant bad as in 'evil'!  Not bad as in 'you suck'!"
    "Why would anyone want to hire an evil band?" Xellun asked.
    "Why would anyone want to hire a band that sucked?" Zephyr countered.
    "People do it for weddings all the time."
    "Can't argue there."
    Aki grabbed Xellun by the collar.  "My friends have this kick ass band
called the 'Do Gooders' and every time they play my father, who wants to
take over the world, tries to kill them and then the event is ruined, and I
know they'd be the best choice to play at the prom because the PTA won't
give us any money to get anyone else and they're as good as any but if they
play at the prom then my father will hire faceless minions to crash the
dance and try to kill the Do Gooders thus ruining the most important night
of my high school life and embarrassing me in front of the entire world for
the umpteenth time and I don't want that to happen, so I made a deal with
him that if I could find an evil band to play for the prom instead then he
would stay away from the prom and wait until some other time to try and kill
my friends but then he said that the evil band had to agree to help him kill
the Do Gooders and now he thinks that you are going to play at the prom and
you can't even play any instruments and my prom is ruined and I can't
believe I ever made that stupid deal in the first place but I was desperate
and surely you can understand how important my prom is to me?!"  <Thus
concludes my 236 word run-on sentence!>
    "Your life sounds like the plot for an on-going anime," Xellun informed
her.  "Or at least a parody of an anime."
    Aki screamed, grabbed the nearest frying pan and proceeded to beat him
senseless.
   "So why don't you just have the Do Gooders play?" Zephyr asked.  "If your
father believes that we are playing at the dance then he won't come, and if
he doesn't come how will he know if we really did play or not?"
   She dropped the frying pan.  "That's.brilliant.  Why didn't I think of that?"
   A shrug.  "You were probably too busy trying to kill Xellun.  I must tell
you that you're going about it all wrong.he likes it when girls play rough."
   "We'll go to the prom just in case," Gabriel announced.  "Then if your
father does show up.we can say we're between sets or something like that.
Either way everyone wins."
   "How much is one million yen, anyway?" Xellun asked, getting up off the
floor.
   Gabriel hit him upside the head.

<><><><>

   Aki called Teijina and told her that the band was still going to play at
the prom.
   "You're not worried about your dad trying to kill us or something?" Tej
asked.
   "No, I've got it all covered," Aki assured her.
   The two then lapsed into a conversation about what they were going to
wear complete with plans for all the girls to gather at Tej's house to get
ready after the band practiced.

<><><><>

   Esjie couldn't take it anymore.  The damn Teletubbies were more than
anyone, evil or not, could handle.  
   The plans to unleash them unto the world had been stepped up.  As soon as
possible, and to wherever possible the Tubbies were to be sent away.

<><><><>

  Xellun:  "Uh.Lady Chaos?  Is this going anywhere?"
  Author:  "Maybe.  Maybe not.  Why?"
  Zephyr: "Well.we kinda get the impression that you have no clue what
you're doing.  This is even worse than VLR 7, you know."
 Author:  "That's it, bishounen demon boy.it's a full moon tomorrow night."
 Gabriel:  "That's really cruel.the boy's just stating a fact."
 Author:  "Annnnnnnnnnd.we're having another scene with Jenova."
  Gabriel: "Well.shit."
  Author: "Any little complaints you'd like to bring up, Xellun?"
  Xellun: "I do get to go for coffee with Aki, right?"
  Author: "Maybe.  Now back to the story."
  Zephyr: "Or lack thereof."
  Author: "Full moon AND a tight dress."


-----------end part one---------------------------------
----------begin part two here----------------

<><><><>

     It was getting very close to the time for the boys to show up and get
the girls.  Aki, Becky, Tejina, Hanaki, and Keiko were waiting at Tej's house.
    Becky and Tej were in their sailor fukus and Keiko was wearing her
leather outfit.  Hanaki was wearing a purple shirt and jeans.  Aki was
dressed in a lovely floor-length gown and gloves.  Actually, it was her
Princess Annikki outfit, but it was perfect formal attire and saved shopping
for a prom dress.
   "What is wrong with you guys?" She demanded.  "This is [The Prom]!  Why
aren't you dressed up?!"
    Everyone flinched and Tejina cleared her throat.  "Aki, you don't have
to use *the voice* on us.  We didn't dress up because we're performing and
because we know that someone will attack and try to kill us so why ruin a
new dress?"
   "Plus the fact that the dress we both wanted ripped in half when we were
fighting over it," Hanaki added.
   "[No one] is going to ruin [my prom]!" Aki snapped.  "I told you, my dad
thinks that an evil band is playing so he'll stay away."
   "What about the Cthulu cult and the Drabverse?" Becky pointed out.
"Something will go wrong, Aki.  It's Murphy's law."
   "Not at [my prom]," Aki replied.  "My prom is going to be perfect!"
   "Do you think she's just a little obsessive?" Keiko asked.
   "You would know all about obsession, wouldn't you?" Becky sneered.
   Thus began the good-natured catfight to help pass the time waiting for
the boys.  But don't worry, nothing got broken.
    
   <><><><>

    When Matsuro, and Kireiko arrived Aki got mad because they weren't
dressed up either.
    "I'm wearing a freshly pressed school uniform," Matsuro remarked, "isn't
that enough?"
    "This is how 'cool' Amerikajin dress for their Prom," Kireiko added.
"Besides, we're performing."
    "Well, that's everybody," Tejina said, "let's get going."
    "Hang on," Aki said.  "There's actually three more coming."
    "Your Dad's minions are coming with us?!  Jeez, can't they at least till
we get to the prom to attack?" Kireiko asked.  "I've only got one spare
ofuda, 'babe'."
    "No, my dad and his minions are staying away from the prom," she assured
the half-oni.  "It's some Amerikajin that my dad thinks are going to be
playing at the prom instead of you."
   " 'Kick ass'!" was the reply.  "They'll be wowed by our great English
lyrics!"
   Becky burst into laughter.  "Oh, they'll be surprised, that's for sure."
   "Why does your dad think they'll be playing instead of us?" Matsuro asked.
   Aki quickly, and in no less than 236 words, told him the story.
   "Oh."
   "How long do you think it will take them to find my house?" Tejina asked.
   "I don't know.I thought the directions I gave were pretty good," Aki replied.

<><><><>

   Tonight was the night!  The Teletubbies would finally be leaving!  Esjie
rejoiced.

<><><><>

   In the sub basement of Cthulu local #39924-91, Brother Maynard was
deciding when he should next attack the city of Tokyo with his Hello Cthulu
dolls.
   "maynard."
   "YeS yOuR eMiNeNcE?"
   "jodi is hungry, maynard.  go and get us something nice to eat."
   "bUt I wAs PlOtTiNg AgAiNsT sHuB-"
   "that can wait until after you have brought take out for jodi.  she would
like some american food so get pizza."
   Brother Maynard grumbled and started for the stairs.
   "oh and, maynard?  make sure there aren't any anchovies.  jodi dislikes
them."
    
<><><><>

   An hour passed.
   "We're going to be late," Aki complained.
   "We're not," Tejina assured her.  "The dance doesn't start for another
two hours."
   "But.I don't want to be late!"
   "The school isn't even open yet, Aki," Becky reminded her.  "We'll get
there in plenty of time."
   "Yeah, 'no worries, babe'," Kireiko smiled.
   The doorbell rang.  
   Tejina answered it.  A tall black haired boy and a shorter purple-haired
one were standing on the step.  
   Aki looked at the one's all-black attire and the other's cargo pants.
  "I told you amerikajins don't dress up for their proms," Kireiko replied.
  "Everyone," Aki stepped forward, "the guy with the black hair is Gabriel,
and the other one is Xellun.  This is Tejina, Hanaki, Becky, Keiko, Kireiko
and Matsuro."
   "Isn't Kireiko a girl's name?" Xellun asked.
  " 'Go have sex with your mother'," Kireiko replied.
  He blinked.  "Come again?"
  " 'Go have sex with your mother'," he repeated.
  "What?" Xellun asked.  "Dude, that makes no sense.  Why would I have sex
with my own mother?  What kind of sick bastard do you think I am?"
  Kireiko got an odd look on his face.  "Is that what it means?"
  "Never use slang phrases if you don't know what they mean," Gabriel
advised with a detached bishounen look.
  Everyone looked from him to Matsuro who was watching the wall pulse and
buckle as Godzilla tried to get out of his cage.
  "They look a little bit alike," Aki admitted.
  They look a lot alike, Keiko mused, and stared at Gabriel with watery
'girl-in-love' eyes.
  "Where's the other boy?" Aki asked.
  Xellun blinked.  "Oh.um.well."
  "Hey, look at that 'hot babe'," Kireiko remarked, pointing to the
silver-haired girl standing at the end of the driveway.
  "Oh, she didn't want to come to the door," Gabriel replied.  "Something
about not wanting to be seen in that dress.  Look out, Matsuro.that scorpion
just about landed on your foot."
   "Oh, thanks."  Matsuro stomped on the ground.  "There.  Problem solved."
   Everyone gave the two boys a "you're weird" look.
  "Hey, does that 'hot babe' have a boyfriend?" Kireiko asked.
  Xellun started to snicker.  "I don't think she's your type."
  Gabriel whacked him upside the head.  "Do the walls usually bleed green?"
  Matsuro shrugged.  "For as long as I can remember."
  Everyone gave them both a "you're weird" look.
  "Well, shall we?" Aki asked.
  "Yeah, the dwarves are waiting outside with drums," Matsuro remarked.
  "Are those the really short guys getting close to our friend?" Xellun asked.
  "Yeah."  They watched as Dalin (or was it Balin?) got kicked in the head
when he got too close.  Either that or because he called her "ma'am".
  "She can kick pretty good in that dress," Becky remarked.
  "It's got slits," Xellun explained.
  Aki tapped her foot on the ground.  "The prom?  Going?  Now?  Yes?"
  "Yeah, yeah, let's go before my drums get wrecked," Matsuro nodded.
  They all filed out of the house and down the driveway to where the two
dwarves and the girl stood waiting.
   Aki grabbed Xellun by the arm.  "Where's your friend, Zephyr?"
   Xellun pointed to the girl who was in the process of looking disgusted at
Kireiko's bad pick-up lines.  "Right there.  It's sort of a demon-curse
thing.  Whenever the moon is full Zeph's a girl.  A little twisted, ne?  He
doesn't like to talk about it."
   Aki shrugged.  "I'm really not surprised.  With all the things that
happen to me and my friends.nothing is impossible, you know?"
  "Including your prom going off without a hitch."
  "[My prom] will be [perfect]!"
  "Wow, you can talk in the Brackets of Power?"  he was impressed.  "What
about the CAPITALS OF OMNIPOTENCE?"
   Gabriel threw something at Xellun's head.  "What have I told you about
yelling for no reason?"

<><><><>

   Smiley Joe's Really-Honest-to-Kami-Sama-American-Style-Pizza was Tokyo's
least prestigious pizza parlour.  It was also the cheapest.  Plus it had
easy sewer access.
   Maynard and ninety-five Hello Cthulus stormed through the front door.
   "gIvE uS pIzZa Or DiE!!" he exclaimed, smashing the counter in two with
his left tenticle.  "aNd No AnChOvIeS!"
   "Can you wait half-an-hour?" An acne-faced employee with a name tag
reading 'Kenji' asked.  "We've got a big order underway.  We're catering a
dance at some high school."
   "wHeRe Is ThIs HiGh ScHoOl?  We WiLl Go AnD gEt ThE pIzZa OuRsElVeS!"
   "But those pizzas are for the high school kids," Kenji protested.
   "uNlEsS yOu WaNt To HeAr ThE hApPy HeLlO sOnG yOu WiLl TeLl Me WhErE tHe
ScHoOl iS!"
   The Hello Cthulus danced about in anticipation.  Kenji grimanced and
pulled out a napkin.  "You go down the road and take the first left."

<><><><>

   Esjie watched as the youma in radiation suits pushed the Teletubbies
towards a portal.  At long last he would be safe from their damn hugging.

<><><><>

    The Do Gooders plus Aki, Keiko, Gabriel, Xellun, and Zephyr had to wait
outside for twenty minutes before the pizza guy showed up.  Luckily he let
them inside while he was setting up the food table.  It was a damn cold
night to be in a sailor fuku.or a tight dress.
   After setting up and doing a couple sound checks they all sat around a
table to wait for the other hour to pass for the prom to start.
   "So, what do you do in America?" Becky asked the other gaijin.
   "This and that," Gabriel shrugged.  "Mostly work for my father."
   "Same," Zephyr muttered.  "Is it wise to leave Xellun and Kireiko over by
the punch?"
   "No one drink the punch," Tejina advised, "I think they just poured
something into it."
   "Why would anyone set up the food an hour before the dance?" Aki asked.
"It'll be cold!"
    "Would you just chill out?" Becky asked.  "I'm sure everyone will be too
busy listening to the music to eat anyway."
    "Why don't we go eat it now?" Tejina suggested.  
   Hanaki, Keiko, Becky and Aki nodded.  The five girls got up to go and see
if they could find any pizza with no anchovies.
    Matsuro stayed behind to stare at the decapitated Barbie dolls that were
swing dancing across the floor.
   Soon slugs and rabid pikachus stared climbing on the table.  A huge pink
spider was reading stories to several brightly colored eggs.
   The Jenova head floated by and stopped on the table.  "Sephiroth."
   "I'm Matsuro," Matsuro reminded her.  "And I'm supposed to just ignore you."
   "I'm not talking to you, you dolt!" the head snapped, and turned to
Gabriel.  "Sephiroth.there you are.Sephiroth.I've been looking all over for
you.you think changing your hairstyle can fool me forever.?"
    Gabriel sighed.  "I told you, I'm not *that* Sephiroth.  Why don't you
go bother someone else?"
    Matsuro nodded.  "Yeah, go bug somebody in Sweden or something."
   "But Sephiroth.I'm so hungry.could you feed me, please?"  A pack of fish
flakes appeared in the air.
    Gabriel fell face-first into the table.  "If I feed you, will you go away?"
    The head nodded, and floated upside down in its bowl.
    Matsuro's mother appeared wrapped in plastic wrap.  "Matsuro.."
    "Hi, Mom.  I'm at the prom, and I didn't drink any punch."
    "That's good."  She nodded as two Barbie dolls started un-wrapping her.
"But, you didn't eat your vegetables."
    "I'm sorry, Mom, I was late to go to Tejina's.  I'll eat them all tomorrow."
    She nodded.  "You make sure you do.  And clean up your room."
    "Okay, Mom.  Anything else?"
    The Barbie dolls wrapped her in a giant piece of seaweed with some rice.
"Yes, you," she nodded her head at Gabriel, "you don't go putting any
strange ideas in my Matsuro's head."
   He looked up from sprinkling fish food into Jenova's bowl.  "Who?  Me,
ma'am?  Oh, I wouldn't dare do that.  I'm not into those sort of things
anymore."
   Matsuro's mother nodded.  "Oh, Matsuro.fulfill your destiny."
   "Can it wait till after the prom, Mom?"
   "Sure, sure.  You are the chick, the world is the egg." The Barbie dolls
picked her up and took her over to where some Power Ranger action figures
were waiting with a Tonka Power wheels dump-truck.  They drove off.
   The Jenova head gulped up a few more fish flakes and then vanished as well.
  "That whole 'you are the chick, the world is the egg' shtick?" Gabriel
asked Matsuro.  "Jeez, she'll be telling you to beware the dragons next."
   "She already does."
   "Sucks to be you."
   "At least I don't have to feed the Jenova head its fish flakes."
   
<><><><>

    Maynard was getting close.  The Hello Cthulus could smell the pizza.
That must be the school up ahead.

<><><><>

  The youma in the radiation suits succeeded in pushing the Teletubbies into
the portal.

<><><><>

  Tejina looked up from a mouthful of pizza to see the door burst open and
ninty-five Hello Cthulus come running in.  Brother Maynard floating above them.
   "gEt ThE pIzZa My HeLlO cThUlUs.  FoR tHe GlOrY oF cThUlU aNd JoDi FoStEr!"
   "Oh great." 
    Maynard saw her.  "aHaHaHaHaHa!" he laughed something which might have
been evil laugh #57, but it was hard to tell.  "tHe DoO gOoDeRs!  YoU wIlL
nOt StOp Us FrOm TaKiNg ThIs PiZzA tO hIs EmInEnCe!  GeT tHeM mY hElLo
CtHuLuS!  gEt ThEm So I cAn SnEaK oFf WiTh ThIs PiZzA fOr HiS eMiNeNcE aNd
JoDi FoStEr!"
    Maynard then grabbed the nearest pizza and floated off to leave his
happy doll minions to do all the work as any good villain would.
   "No!" Aki screamed.  "No stupid Hello Cthulus are going to ruin my prom!
Let's get them!"
   "She's really worked up about this prom," Keiko noted.
   "Perhaps to an unhealthy level," Becky agreed.
   The Hello Cthulus began to dance/circle in around the pizza table.
   Xellun looked at Kireiko.  "Dude, that's really screwed up.  I
mean.stealing pizza from a high school prom?"
   Kireiko grinned.  " 'Let's kick ass'!"  He pulled off his t-shirt, and
changed into his half-oni state.
   "Nice claws," Xellun nodded.
   Kireiko grabbed the nearest Hello Cthulu and ripped its happy head off.
   Becky changed into Sailor Fashion Disaster. ahem, Sailor Rapture.
Tenjina clicked her pen and changed into Sailor Delight.  Keiko became
Sailor Darkness by drawing a pentagram on the ground with the lipstick she'd
brought for touch-ups.  Hanaki didn't have Pepper the Goldfish so she
couldn't become Sailor Bliss.  She had to be content with being the
screaming damsel in distress.
   Aki debated.  On one hand it was wearing a sailor fuku, but on the other
it was saving her prom!  She pushed the little button on her brooch and
became Sailor Joy.  
   "We're the Sailor Team!" Sailor Delight cried.  "In the name of Delight,
Joy, Rapture, and Darkness we're gonna make you wish you hadn't been spawned!"
    Zephyr, who had been standing by Xellun, turned even paler than usual.
"I hate Sailor Warriors."
    "I want to know where Sailor Guess Where I'm Double-Jointed is," Xellun
replied.  "And Sailor Guess Who I Did Last Night."
   Zeph sweated-dropped and, changing the subject, pointed to Matsuro.  "Did
that guy just pull a sword out of his stomach?" 
   "Uh huh.  Wonder if he's ever thought of going on Stupid Human Tricks."
   "Are we just going to stand here?"
   Xellun might have looked thoughtful but it was hard to tell.  With Xellun
it's always hard to tell.  "Well, I don't want to touch those freaky doll
things, and here we have a nice view of the girls in short, short, short
skirts."
   "They're SAILOR WARRIORS."
   "They're in short, short, short skirts."
   "You really need help."
   As the two bickered, the Sailor Team proceeded to whoop some Hello Cthulu
ass.
   "CARDO SUWARU!" cried Sailor Delight.  Razor sharp bits of plastic sliced
a couple nearby Hello Cthulus into little Hello Cthulu bits.
   "EVANGELIST CONFUSION!" Sailor Rapture cried, and ten Hello Cthulus
proceeded to see enough frightening and confusing images to cause them to
tear each other to shreds.
   "BLACK WIND FROM THE SOUL!" Sailor Darkness cast, and then she saw Aki.
"Sailor Joy?!  You actually got into a fuku this time?"
   Sailor Joy blushed, then shook her head.  "It's my prom!  I can't just
let them destroy it!  JOYFUL CLEANSING LIGHT!"
   "Yeah!  Go Sailor Joy!  Yay!" Hanaki cried, then ducked a flying Hello
Cthulu head.  "Help save me!  Help!"
    What escaped the Sailor Team's might fury of ridiculous attacks (if they
forgot to scream out the full name of the attack at the top of their lungs)
was ripped up by Kireiko's claws or impaled by Matsuro's Sword of Duality. 
   Gabriel came over to where Xellun and Zephyr were watching.
   "Jeez, busy night tonight, ne?"  He looked at all the Hello Cthulus.
"We'll have to open the gates of Hell really wide for all these guys."
   "Uh, yep," Zephyr nodded.  "Anyone else feeling a little useless here?"
   Gabriel and Xellun nodded.
   "Anyone else think they forgot about us?" Xellun asked.
   "Yep," Gabriel nodded.  "Let's get out of here."
   Just then a large rift in reality, which pretty much looked like a big
hole in the ceiling, opened and the Teletubbies fell through.
   "Anyone think somebody heard us talking about slipping out?" Zephyr asked.
   "I.am very frightened," Xellun said, eyes growing wide as he stared at
the Teletubbies.  "What did you get us into, Dad?"
   Gabriel swallowed.  "Okay, so maybe this wasn't such a smart idea.  Looks
like we're going to have to fight."
   "And I thought we were on vacation." Xellun complained.
   Gabriel shot him a 'just shut up' look, and then he snapped his fingers
and a large sword materialized from nowhere.  It was seven.no
six.okay I think five (but it could have been four) feet long.  Okay, was
the Masamune.  You know?  Big sword used to impale flower girls, townsfolk,
mountaineering girls, SOLDIERs and Turks?  Yeah, that one.  <Thanks to
Jonatan Streith for the reminder about the ones other than Aerith.>
   "Hey look at that one," Zephyr pointed to La La.
   "La la la.flower?" The tubbie asked Gabriel.
   "Argh!  When will you damn flower girls stop getting in my way?!" He
exclaimed as he impaled La La.  Then lifting the Masamune he flung her
against a wall where she landed with a disturbing wet slap sound.
   "Hm," he smirked, "you obviously weren't a real flower girl.  Real Flower
girls don't bleed."
   Zephyr gave him a weird look as (s)he drowned Dipsy Tipsy in the punch
bowl.  The Tubbie cried 'have a beer, have a beer, have a gurgle, gurgle
choke choke'.
   "Dad.that's really sick.  Now who's going to clean up the mess you made?"
   "Quiet son, er daughter, er son.er," Gabriel trailed off.  "Quiet Zephyr!"
   Po and Tinky Winky had surrounded Xellun.
   "Po po po!" Po cried and raised his hands.gloves in a scary motion.
   A large chunk of ice formed over Xellun's head and plummeted towards him.
Luckily his lethally sharp hair cut the ball in two.
   "Uh, guys?  Why are the Tubbies using Ice 3 on me?" He asked.
   "Obviously the Tubbies got a hold of some materia," Gabriel replied.
"Probably from ShinRa.  I wouldn't put it past them to side with the evil
incarnate that is the Teletubbies."
   "I thought you were the evil incarnate of the Final Fantasy VII game,"
Zephyr remarked.
   "Quiet, boy er girl er," Gabriel looked frustrated.  "Quiet Zephyr.  I
doubt everyone has caught on that I am a version of Sephiroth."
   "Oh yeah.no one has.  We completely missed that whole feeding fish flakes
to Jenova's head."
    "Shh.  That's a hallucination.  Hallucinations are never taken
seriously.  They're just random images of icky things thrown together with
some mystic psycho babble whose sole purpose is to confuse the reader."
   "What about Matsuro's visions?" Zephyr asked.  "They seem pretty important."
   ".Well, that's Matsuro."
   Xellun dodged another Ice 3 from Po.  "Uh, guys?  A little help please?"
   Gabriel looked from Xellun to the Do Gooders.  "Well, the others really
seem to have the whole Hello Cthulu thing under control."
   "Do we have to help Xellun, Dad?" Zephyr protested.
   "I know it seems stupid that he can't even defeat Po, but it will upset
your mother if we let him get killed."
    "I'm more frightened by the fact that you know the Tubbies by name,"
Zephyr muttered.
  Sailor Rapture looked over from pulling her sword from her forehead.
"Hey, if the thing is using an ice spell why don't you try using a fire
spell to get rid of it?"
   "Hey, that's a good idea," Xellun nodded.  "Thanks, Sailor Rapture!"
   "Ye Gods, he knows them by name," Zephyr muttered.
   "Okay, you little um.red.tubby thing.prepare to-" Xellun began.
   "Mind the clichés, son!" Gabriel warned.
   "Oh right, sorry, Dad!" Xellun assumed a somewhat thoughtful pose.  "Um."
   " 'Burn, baby, burn'?" Kireiko suggested as he slashed through one of the
few remaining Hello Cthulus.
   "Yeah, that'll do!  Thanks!" Xellun nodded, and clenched his fist before
him,  "Devine Inferno!"
   A ring of fire flashed out surrounding Xellun and vaporizing Po.  For
some reason Tinky Winky escaped unharmed.
   "Do you think if we kill Tinky Winky the Gay Rights Activists will
complain?" Zephyr asked.
   "The creators of the show insist that Tinky Winky isn't homosexual.  He
must have used some sort of shield spell to remain unharmed." Gabriel
frowned.  "But I can't imagine what."
   At that moment Kireiko ripped the last Hello Cthulu doll to shreds.
Aki.er Sailor Joy looked around at the school gym.  She looked at the
trashed stage, (but all the equipment was okay) and the wrecked decorations.
The Hello Cthulu and Teletubbie pieces lying about.  She clenched her fists.
   "She's got a really funny look in her eyes," Xellun remarked.
   "Kinda like the look you get before you have a psychotic episode, Dad,"
Zephyr added.
   "Oh shit.did anyone see 'Carrie'?" Gabriel asked.  Everyone shook their
heads.  "Hit the deck!"
    "[This was supposed to be the greatest night of my life]." Aki said.
"[Nothing was supposed to go wrong].  [Everything was supposed to be perfect]."
    "She's talking completely in *the voice*!" Tejina screamed.  "She's
gonna blow!"
    Everyone scrambled for cover.  Kireiko grabbed his amp.  Aki flipped out.  
    Her eyes began to glow with a light of their own as a battle aura of
blue-white light surrounded her.  Energy flares like lightening coiled like
venomous snakes, and then struck out at random objects.  Windows exploded;
things were engulfed in flames.  The alcoholic punch caught on fire and the
flames jumped up to the streamers on the ceiling.  Smoke began to fill the air.
   An energy flare encircled Tinky Winky, and the Tubbie raised into the
air.  It was carried through the air, spinning and turning.  Then the energy
flashed and the Tubbie spiraled down towards the ground.  But it never made
it.  The mike stand got in the way, impaling the burnt purple body.  Then,
for the grand finale, the fire alarm went off and the sprinkles turned on,
drenching everyone.
   "Nasty.  I love it." Gabriel remarked.
   Zephyr looked at Xellun.  "Big mess.  I feel somewhat responsible."
   "Why?" Gabriel asked.
   "Because no one else is going to accept responsibility."
   Gabriel frowned.  "What did I do wrong in raising you?"
   "I'm sorry, Dad, I just can't seem to get into the whole Son of Death,
Taker of Souls to the Realm of the Dead," Zephyr replied.  "Maybe we could
go to a group thing or something to work it out."
   Gabriel narrowed his eyes.  "Don't joke about things like that, Zephyr."
   Aki came out of her daze.  "You have a father who acts all tyrannical,
too?  Did he ruin your prom?"
    "This prom is really important to you, isn't it?" Xellun remarked.
    Gabriel hit him with the blunt side of the Masamune.  "You missed that?
How stupid are you?"
     "What did I miss?  Good triumphs over evil?  The Teletubbies can't be
trusted?  All children's shows that preach love and sharing are really evil
plots to conquer the world?"
     "I believe it was that some girls find the prom really important and
people find it amusing to mock them about it," Zephyr sighed.
     "I felt that was simply too obvious to be the message."
    Everyone, including Matsuro, was giving them a "you're so completely
weird" look.
    "We could try to repair the damages," Gabriel suggested.
    "I dunno.this is an awful BIG mess," Zephyr began.
    "I have an idea," Xellun spoke up.
    Aki blinked.  "I thought you were only here for comedy relief?"
    "Do you want to hear my idea or not?"
    Everyone looked at each other.  It was Tejina that spoke finally.  "I
think we might regret this, but okay what it is?"
    "Why don't we just move the prom to a different place?" he offered.  "It
saves having to clean up." 
  "That just might work." Aki nodded.  "We can just tell everyone that I was
always planned to hold it somewhere else, but wanted it to be one last
surprise."
  Everyone nodded.  This sounded like it might work.
  "There's just one problem," Keiko began, "where will we find someplace big
enough for a whole high school to party in?"
  Kireiko grinned, showing off all his fangs.  "Who said it had to be 'in' a
place?"
   
<><><><>

   Villyn had decided that since he had to wait to attack the Do Gooders he
might as well watch Austin Powers.  
   "Curse those Hollywood types!" he announced, pinky up.  "How dare they
have a character like me in this show?  I will not be mocked!  I will not-"
    Oddly enough, he'd forgotten all about his plans to attack the Do
Gooders after their prom.

<><><><>
 
    Tejina and Hanaki had just wrapped up a set with a special prom montage
of "Drop Dead Sis", "Happy Shell the Headless Monkey" and "You Break It You
Bought It".  The crowd of high school students clapped and cheered.
Everyone agreed that having an outside concert on the school grounds was way
more fun that having the prom inside the gym.  There was just so much more
room to dance and no one had to worry about it getting so hot in the gym
that the fire alarm was set off like last year.
    "They've got a pretty good beat," Xellun was saying, "considering their
lyrics make no sense."
   "Yeah, but not good enough to forgive the bass guitarist for wearing that
outfit in public," Zephyr added.
   "A band that doubles as a super hero team," Gabriel nodded, "nice idea,
but it's been done to death."
   Aki walked over from taking a break from dancing up a storm and making
the most of the most important night of her high school life.
   "Well, at least my father thinks some evil band is playing so he won't
ruin my prom," She remarked, sitting down at the wooden picnic table.  "This
really is the best night of my life!"
   "Well, we're glad we could help," Gabriel smiled.  "A senior prom only
comes once a lifetime."
   "Unless you fail," Xellun added.
   "I think they kill you if you fail," Zephyr replied.  "Japanese schools
are strict."
   "You're sure you won't stick around to meet the band?" Keiko asked.  "I
can't believe you could not want to meet someone as cool as Matsuro!"
     Gabriel gave her a confused look.  "But we've already met."
   "We really do have to be going," Zephyr replied, extending his hand.
"Thank you for the.interesting discussion on Japanese demons, Miss Yamanaka."
   Keiko smiled.  "No problem!  I've never gotten to talk to a gaijin demon
before!"
   "Er right.  If you ever decide to stop dabbling in the Black Arts and
learn some exorcism rites, let me know.  I could show you all the inside
tricks."
   "Right, lovely, excellent," Gabriel nodded.  "Now, we really do have to
be going.  I have an appointment to keep."
   "Hopefully no one we know." Aki grimaced.  "I don't want to ruin this
night by having to go to a funeral."
   "Nope, I really doubt you know them, but we've had a lot of prayers for
someone to send them back to the hell they came from."  He shrugged.  "It
was nice to meet you Miss Villyn, Miss Yamanaka.  I do hope it's a long time
before I have to see you again."
    "I loved the leather," Xellun whispered to Keiko as he got up.  Then he
turned and grinned at Aki.  "If you ever come to America, Aki, we've got to
have coffee."
    Gabriel whacked him upside the head.  "Stop trying to get a date."
    "Well, I want to come out of this experience with something meaningful-"
   Another whack.  Aki and Keiko went to get more punch.  Zephyr just sighed.

<><><><>

   The three gaijin sat at a table in the Tokyo Airport.  A teenage female
inuyasha with white hair and pale purple eyes sat with them.  She was
slurping her noodles quite enthusiastically, and making grand gestures with
her chopsticks.
   "Who is that guy over there yelling at his tea?" Zephyr asked, dodging
the chopstick that had almost taken his eye out.
   "Dunno," Xellun replied, "he's been muttering something about being Baron
such-and-such."
   "Just another whacko in a whole town of them," Gabriel muttered.  "Are
you almost done there, Lady Chaos?"
   "Feh.  Everyone knows that crossovers never work out," Lady C remarked
suddenly for no apparent reason.  "Crossovers are the most evil of all plot
devices."
   "I don't think anyone realized you used some of your own characters from
another series," Gabriel protested.  "I think they just believe you
incapable of writing anything coherent and decent."
   "Hmm...that should scare them away from Realms for sure then," Xellun added.
   "Or make them curious enough to read it," Lady C stood up.  "Well, did
you bring me back what I asked for?"
   Zephyr pulled out a Kireiko Plushie.  "Explain to me again why you wanted
this?"
   Lady Chaos squealed with delight and hugged the plushie.  "Cho-kawaii!
Cho-KUURU!"
   "So assuming you get stoned to death for this one," Gabriel replied, "Any
last requests we should know about?"
   She nodded.  "I want Gink to finish Realms for me, and I want to be
buried in my grad dress.  Oh yes, and never eat spaghetti with chopsticks."
   "Ah, the trademark phrase has been spoken," Zephyr nodded.  "I guess that
makes this the end?  Loose ends and all?"
   "If someone is so troubled that they begin to lose sleep over it I'm sure
they'll write their own Omake to fix it up," Xellun replied.
   "Don't give anyone any ideas."


The end?  


WILL ANYONE SURVIVE READING THIS OMAKE? WILL ANYONE WRITE A LONGER THAN 236
WORD RUN-ON SENTENCE?  WILL THE SECOND AUSTIN POWERS BE AS GOOD AS THE
FIRST?  WILL FINAL FANTASY 8 BE AS GOOD AS FINAL FANTASY 7? IF THIS IS AN
OMAKE WHY AM I ASKING ALL THESE QUESTIONS?

   Author's note: I warned you it wouldn't make much sense.   Thanks to
Jonatan <also for reminding me of the other people that Sephy-sama made
shishkabobs out of besides Aeris>, Pheobe, and J. Evans for the
proof/prereading. If anyone so desires as to see more of Gabriel (sometimes
aka Sephiroth), Zephyr or Xellun you can find them in the twisted world of
Realms @ www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Harbor/1197/moon.htm.